Hey everybody welcome back to my channel it’s me the real Erica F and if you’re new here welcome and if you are coming back again welcome back so nice to see everybody first things first go ahead and like comment subscribe whatever so this video I just want to make this
Video because okay well first of all I didn’t want to make this video because I was I feel like it’s just something that’s really controversial you know you’re told when it comes to these organizations sororities and fraternities that discretion is the most important thing that is I won’t be won’t
Was a blob and it also just celebrates black black excellence among so many other things and so I want to make it clear this isn’t a video to bash anything I feel like the best way for me to do this video justice is to give it both sides I just know that the
Situation that I went through might be something that a lot of other people went through and is something that really like it had a very very big effect on my college experience my life I went through like a depression like so I just know it can be very lonely to go
Through especially like me I’m a first generation college student nobody in my family I literally don’t think I have nobody on my family is Greek so it’s just I just feel like it could be very lonely experience so okay yeah good point I’m just gonna go ahead and jump right into it
So first things first so for people who are here a BG yellow is a black Greek letter organization I specifically was pursuing interest in a sorority within the divine nine so moving forward from that so with my story basically I have an older sister and so she started
College when I was in fifth grade um but she ended up not continuing and so she wasn’t able to pursue the sorority that I ended up when his pursue as well and I knew I just knew with everything in my heart mind soul body everything in me I
Knew that this was for me like nobody could ever tell me this was not for me and you know so I’ve been preparing for it for forever I knew it was what I wanted to do boom and I already knew that was the story that I wanted to join
I had done so much research on it so I thought I knew everything I did not I should have waited and so I got on campus and paid attention to the chapter and just got to know other people and stuff and just you know from a job okay
So at the at the events my freshman year the girls were at first I guess they were the girls who I went with the other girls who clearly wanted to join the sorority were so nice we were bonding everybody was nice and ready was supercool all the girls who were over
The event we’re not nice and everybody says it’s like mental hazing and they do it to like scare you when I scare you they basically they do it so that you don’t feel too comfortable like you don’t feel like you’re out anything you don’t feel like you’re favourited out of
Other people you know I don’t know like I said I didn’t continue the process I don’t know what they told them to do I don’t know why they act like that but they were me they basically were just means they like we’re standoffish they hung out with each other you would think
I don’t know I personally thought that like when you would go to these events they will mingle with you and get to know you to decide like when the time comes is this the type of person that I want to join my sorority you know I’m Sam like is it somebody
That I would want in my chapter but it wasn’t that like they would just stay with the people that they were with so it was really really hard trying to actually get to know that I’m and I wanted to actually get to know them I
Want to get to know you all because I want to be a part of this you know and they’re just me and they were just mean girls they just didn’t I don’t know whatever they’re just me so then they would like see you on campus and just
Like kind of like give you a look and it would just it’s really such a mental thing because you’re like freaking out like oh my I should say not like me as a decision to how like oh my gosh I’m not gonna get it I’m gonna in a soul it’s just so
Annoying that like you feel like you’re being watched you feel like when you go out you can’t be yourself some girls don’t like I don’t know they’re not like bump you they might like I don’t know I don’t know I’ve heard things that’s something to happen you know so um yeah
So they’re my sophomore comes you know we go to the intake and this is the meanest they have ever been which I feel like it makes more sense for them to be mean like stripped you know because they really do not want to show favoritism in this scenario because it’s like this is
Serious and you may be my friend and you may be my roommate or my colleague or whatever I don’t know you might be anything but that does not mean that you’re gonna be a good fit for this sorority and I don’t want you to take it personally I want you understand that
When I come here this is business and he says that the other day this is also a business and you need to be able to do X Y and Xena so I’m gonna be very professional with you in this or in this situation and that’s that and so that
Makes sense to me but it’s just I don’t know it was just the amount of nerves that you feel because you’re everything is weighing on this moment I don’t know I just it’s ridiculous so you get all that whatever and turn it in and then through this whole process like looking
Back I’m like basically okay so basically I went to intake got everything that I was supposed to do you have to have so many hours community service you have to have like a certain GPA you has have letters from people who are active members letters from just like professionals I guess like a
Teacher and stuff yeah actually it has to be an actual university professor it couldn’t be like it’s here or anything like that just basically people that could speak to your character okay that’s fine I had all that like okay and how it seems to me was that anybody who
Submitted it had the bare minimum requirement as long as you met the minimum because I know people were so worried like the minimum community service hours are 30 and I only have like ah as long as she met the minimum you were gonna get ahead of you so he
Wants to interview or whatever um in the interview they were a very very very stern and very strict whatever that was cool um but when I walked out of my interview it was crazy because I was so nervous but when I walked out of the interview I literally start crying
Started crying as I was like I got it like there’s no way I did not get it i 100% died I went in there and I like God literally took over my entire body because I did not feel my mouth moving I did not feel my answers coming out but I
Had an answer for everything they were asking me and I answered it and I felt confident in my answers and I just know that this is where I belong to this is what I was supposed to do and through all the things that were happening between my car breaking down my letter
My letters of recommendation coming the last day they were able to come just everything going wrong but then still happening I felt like I was being put through all these tests so that I could overcome and get to where I was supposed to be that’s how I looked at it at the
Time but now I feel like I was trying to be like are you sure this is what you want to do are you sure but a little hard-headed me just knew it was something I was supposed to do so I like cried and I called my mentor who
I’ve been my mentor um and I told her I was like I I got it like that I was like there’s no way that I didn’t get it like I don’t know if I didn’t get it then I don’t know what I did wrong I just know I got it
So then some time passes not much and I get a phone call at night this is not a daytime phone call I get a phone call at night it’s late and I call was that like midnight like you you’re getting calls late you’re not getting calls in during
Business hours even though this is a business I’m getting calls during business hours she’s like hello and I was like hey she was like you know that’s not you dressed me like hangs up and like so we go through this a couple times so at this point I’m nervous now I
Feel stupid and basically humiliated I feel like I’m messing up I feel like I’m doing everything wrong and like I really want this and how am i messing everything up like she calls back home phone and she’s like so how do you think cuted at the interview I was like I
Think I did good like I think I did it pretty good oh really because I think you did horrible and yeah I understand that hazing is just a joke and it’s funny like people people weren’t in the story of eternity who have been through everything I know that when y’all hear
It y’all or even people who have it like when you hear this type of stuff is like oh like that’s funny yes I like looking back even in a moment like when I look back like a week later I thought it was funny I’m like girl my except my oh me
I’m home but in the moment it’s not funny it’s not funny at all it’s terrifying I felt stupid I was like did I really I’m like I know I didn’t do bad you know I’m second-guessing myself like I know I did not do bad like but whatever so that’s that and basically
She gives me a number she’s like okay call this number so basically I go through a chain of those things until I don’t have to call anybody again they could give me times to call people the numbers to call people and it was a way basically for me to get to know the
Girls that I didn’t know who were poor like already numbers were already in the chapter and looking back there were there was probably two girls there were two girls that I really really really really liked it to this day I wish I had a relationship with those girls because
They were stuff like when I called them they were like they were still they were so mean but they were mean and nice they were mean like how my oldest sister’s meets me like girl shut up like you know like not like trying to make not trying
To belittle me or make me feel stupid or less than or inferior they were just kind of like you know I don’t know what you’re doing like you’re doing around what you need to XYZ they were just good and genuine people and telling me about their lives did they seem like they
Wanted to tell me about their lives probably not but I asked them so I could get to know them cuz I won’t be like you should have done your research so do your research but yeah so that was them and so basically we’re doing these calls
That was like the first night but we’re still like I said I’m a sophomore I mean first miss I miss fall semester and I sophomore so we’re doing these calls and like at this point I understand that I’ve got it like you know I understand that this is
Something that I have everybody’s not getting these calls some people are asking like have you heard anything you know and I know I’m one of the people that got it clearly cuz I’m getting calls so you called it’s happening every night and my anxiety is so high and my
Nerves are so high that I’m in class nervous stressed out if they’re gonna call me calls do not end until like late so I’m like freaking out I don’t have any support I have not had any for a long time so I have to pay for
Everything in college I had to work work study I had jobs and I had classes you know and I have to do my classwork I have to study first half I’d do homework except when I get home I can’t because I’m too busy trying to do all this other
Stuff and like so that just became really hard so then basically I had to take a test in a class about a week and a half after the calls started and I walked out of that test and I was like I failed I failed that test in this class
It was it I had to take this class and I had to pass it to be able to move on to where I was supposed to like get into my upper-level classes so I was like I cannot fail this class so I called one
Of the girls who I knew also made it I know she had been receiving phone calls me or her were extremely close and she’s somebody that like out of she was the person I was closest with period so um basically I called her and I explained
The whole situation her and she was like Erika all I can say is I support whatever you decide to do like there’s so many other amazing women that would support you but also I completely understand school comes first and you need to do what’s best for you so no
Matter what you decide I just want you to know that I support you and I just want you to do what’s best for you and I’m like okay so at this point I’m like freaking out and I call mama ones like Erica like but I don’t tell her everything that’s going
On my mother is white and I just didn’t don’t think she’ll understand my what I’m going through you know she doesn’t understand why I want to be a part of a like a BG yellow you know what I’m saying like I’m just like my dad did not
Graduate from high school so I was just like I can’t he’s not he doesn’t know anything about this my sister’s in New York I was a Missouri her times off like she has her own things on it’s just like there’s nobody I can really really talk
To about this so then I get a call from our Dean and she’s she this is during business hours so I’m like why does she call me don’t do this hours so I’m like okay clearly something’s up so basically she offers me like at this point it gets
Like past just like the behind the scenes an underground process it gets to like the okay you’re gonna come in and you’re gonna fill out this paperwork we’re all gonna be together dad I’m sitting with the advisor right now that it did I’m like okay thank you like I
Was like I was like I don’t know like I need to think about it can I call you back and I was like you need to call me back within an hour you have an hour to make your decision and call me back so I’m like freaking out I’m like this is
Something I have wanted my entire life ever since I was little I cannot imagine myself not doing this but I’m also like how am I going to do this like how I don’t have support from people my situation was my own situation and I has to make this a decision how’s this for
Me so I called her back in an hour and I was like yes I’m gonna do it I’m gonna continue and she was like okay so then that night I get home and basically I’m told I get a call and basically that I’ve left this part out the night before
The night that I was study the night that I was studying for the test the next day I was they were calling me and I decided I wasn’t gonna answer I talked to my mentor and my mentor told me she was the only person I confided in about
The fact they were calling me and she told me she was like Erica that’s illegal she’s like they should not be calling you until you sign paperwork at least the hitted I like that’s extremely illegal and I’m sorry but like if that continues you need to report it you need
To stop answering their calls because you don’t technically you don’t know if you’ve made it or not and if you don’t have if you haven’t actually made it that’s you’re just wasting your time that I you need to focus on classes so I’m like all right I’m done answering
Calls so the night before all the other stuff I just mentioned happened they were calling me they called me I missed the first call I was like okay I can’t answer now so they keep calling me I’ve got like five missed calls at this point from different people and I’m like this must
Have been the night everybody met up and I’m getting calls and getting calls and getting calls and getting close and getting calls and I’m not answering because I have to study except at this point I can’t I’m not even studying because I’m I have such anxiety I’m like
What am i doing I’m like at this point if I didn’t meet up and I go on Meetup I’m gonna be in trouble if I didn’t answer and are they still gonna want me is this all for nothing like did I really just mess up so I’m just like
Freaking crying freaking out crying don’t know what to do so the next day happens and that’s when I talk to the girl and she’s confirmed the girl who like I was posted with online and she confirmed like yeah we didn’t meet up last night there’s a lot of girls that
Are in the room but like they were all blindfolded so nobody knew who anybody else was so I’m like okay and cool whatever so I knew that I got it basically so they’re not like like I said the next thing I called like they called and I
Said yeah I’ll do it so then I go home at night and I get a call and they basically told me to meet them in a parking lot somewhere and somebody comes and gets me blindfold me puts me in a car drive me to a location today I don’t
Know where I was I don’t know what the room looked like I can assume boils on the room because people are obviously talking to me and stuff and told me to do things whatever but I was the only girl that night so I don’t know who does
Or doesn’t know this I don’t know if anybody’s gonna watch this but I was one girl that night and all the older girls from the chapter were there that I could tell from the voices that I remember but nobody else who was going to be with me
Was with me and that was like so I had to go through all like that I had to go through that entire night on my own it was just a long night basically and I went home and I wasn’t scared I just felt so alone like I just felt so alone
In the process I cannot explain and I just started to question everything I’m like if this is something that I’m doing and I know that it’s only supposed to get worse from this point forward because like I said I was dating somebody who was Greek at this point I’m
I know a good amount of people who are in fraternities that have like disclosed information to me not sororities but yes fraternities and so I know and then obviously I’ve done my research up until this point so I know things that happen I know that part the process went
Underground I know the things that hazing still happens despite people continuously saying hazing does not happen hazing does still happen some some chapters it may not happen but some chapters definitely still hazing some chapters definitely still a is more than others and there still is a trophy for
Being made versus being paper papers when you just sign your name on the dotted line and you made it and I mean you’ve got it and being made is when you have to actually go through a process and earn your spot um so yeah I definitely I definitely
Started to question everything and I was just like I don’t understand why if I have literally done everything that I am supposed to do is to be able to be a member of this and that the founders of this sorority cared about them why do i
What do I need to prove I’ve never to have it to have sisters I have sisters I was born with I’m the youngest girl and I have now have three younger brothers and I have sisters and I said I never had to earn my sisterhood with them it
Was the fact that we’re sisters and we’re always gonna be sisters and that’s a lifetime thing but they never treated me how y’all are treated me I’ve never had to go through things like this I’m never like you like I know people I say they break you down to build you up but
That’s just what like I just didn’t understand like I’m RT I already was enough and you all watch times to make me feel like I’m not enough he’s trying to make me feel like I’m less than like I don’t deserve it whatever and so I started to question everything and then
Like I had already come by confided in the Dean at this point that I was really nervous about my grades and she told me that it would be okay but then now she told me that that day and then that same night was the night when they had like
Picked me up and basically she was telling me like she was just basically dragging me out in front of everybody which I understand it’s a mental thing but like for me you just said one thing and now you’re saying a whole another so like what am I really supposed to believe
Supposed to leave the daytime you that has to be politically correct am I supposed to believe that you guys telling me all this at night like I don’t know what to believe and I don’t know you to trust you y’all haven’t formed a relationship with me like you
Already just treated me like like nobody like you not him Sam so it’s like why would I trust what you’re telling me I don’t and she asked me I remember that morning she was like Erika do you trust me and I was like yeah and she was like I
Need you to trust me she’s like you remind me a lot of myself but I need you to trust me and I was like okay but then like it was just crazy to me cuz who she was during the day just completely contradicted was she was at night and
Like I said I don’t have anybody close to me who has been through this my mentor if I would have told her that they picked me up she would have called like the National trap and had everything shut down so like that just wasn’t I wasn’t gonna wrap them out and
Ruin anybody else’s experience but it was just extremely conflict like it was just a lot for me to deal with basically and I didn’t know what to do so I was just like I don’t know and basically the day that we were supposed to go and sit
Down and actually pay I already had my money order I already had everything that I had to have but the night that we were supposed to go and submit all the paperwork signed everything pay our dues whatever I called and I was like I can’t
Do this I was like I’m sorry but I as much as I really appreciate it and I appreciate the offer I cannot continue forward in this process and I wish you all the best in everything and I still will be showing up to support you all by
At this time I cannot do this like I was stressed out about school you know I’ve stressed me like y’all shirts me out even more on top of that I feel like I have nobody nobody you can understand i feel secluded all these different things
So I was just like okay I’m I can’t do it I can’t do it like I can do it I’m sorry I can’t do it so basically she was like okay delete my number never speak to me again and hung up in my face and I
Was like okay like I don’t know I was just really take him back and then I told the girl who I was closest to and she acted like she was my friend but then everything just completely switched I don’t know and it’s like I understand that ever
Buddy was going through their own things everybody who made it I know y’all were going through your own things I know they all have stuff going on when I get that and the gross who are running it I understand that you have stuff going on like you’re facilitating everything so I
Know you have to be up just as late and do everything you don’t have time to really care about a person who’s no longer putting in work for this sorority and decided I didn’t want to do it but literally everybody turned on me like me nobody spoke to me girls who are my
Friends beforehand who I didn’t even know made it because we were all being very discreet I didn’t even know if they had made it because like I said I didn’t go to the house that night but I started to obviously pick up who didn’t make it because they weren’t showing up or they
Were dressed in certain ways or doing certain things and they just even if we had classes together didn’t speak to me didn’t say anything to me didn’t look my way like just everybody started to treat me completely different and I got extremely depressed because this was a
Decision that was the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life it’s something that I wanted my whole entire life I’m no deciding not to do it probably they would never take me again and let me know I’m not I’m not great at
All um and so like it was just like it was a really hard decision and it’s kind of like for me at that time it was like I always knew I was gonna be a part of the sorority all my life it was something that I knew what I was gonna
Do I know I was gonna do it in college I knew I was good I just knew there was no doubt and so when I when that when I had to make the decision to take that away from me it was the hardest decision I
Had to make I felt like a piece of my life had been ripped out of everything that I had envisioned and I had to change my whole idea of how I pictured my life going forward because I thought I would have these sisters that’s just some time and it sounds so dramatic but
Like when it’s something that you really care about and you put energy into when you put time in so you put your heart and soul and your effort into just getting up to that point like and I know I would have only been even more in love
With it and obsessed with it after I would have done it sorry I’m camera cutout but so yeah basically so basically for me it was just like a very it just changed the way that I feel my whole college experience going and at that time you know I didn’t
Really know what I want to do with my future I didn’t know what job I was gonna have the life that I live now is definitely not the life that I was gonna live but it was it was just like so I thought it was just a pressing because
Everything that surrounds Greek life every event Greeks are struggling as the probate as the parties everything is about being Greek when you are black at a PWI you know what I’m saying at least that my PW where that’s how it felt everything if you are black excellence
You are Greek and if you are not you’re just your regular you’re an individual you’re a GDI a goddamn individual and that is what I was and that’s okay and I look back I can see that now but at the time it was just like my whole vision
For what I wanted wasn’t going to come to fruition it was something I just could not cope with gosh really depressed and after that I stopped going out I wouldn’t leave my room I didn’t talk to people I just like was super depressed and I lost friends and this is
The part that pisses me off more than anything so well I’ll say this if you aren’t interested in joining a BG yellow if you are interested in joining any sorority or fraternity I 100% support it even after my experience I still say if that is something you want to do and if
That is something you’re passionate about and something you just like see for yourself and you know that you it’s gonna add to you that’s great I say do it honestly if it’s for you it’s gonna be for you no matter what this is what I’ll say this is my peace to everyone
Who is interested in joining a BG yellow trust God trust yourself trust your talents trust your abilities trust you trust who you are know yourself know yourself and know your self values your self-worth and all then understand even without joining the sorority or fraternity you are still an amazing
Person you can still do work on your own to make a difference you can still form relationships with people you can still be the life of a party you can still have a great life without I promise it seems so big in the moment but there’s so much more to life than
Joining a sorority or fraternity and if it’s for you it will always be for you nobody can open no man can open or close the door that God has opened for you nobody can take your name off of a blessing that isn’t meant for you and if
It is meant for you to join a sorority or fraternity it might not be met in college it might not be meant the first try around if you might get it like you might join a grad chapter who knows but what’s for you will always before you
Will never ever pass you it just won’t and you have to believe that have faith in that you have to know yourself and know your value and be confident in who you are and be confident knowing that you don’t need anything except for yourself um the things that bothered me
Most when it came to Greek life and trying to join a sorority were knowing that other girls did not fit the requirements but they got it because of their relationships with the girls who are already members of the chapter or because they got it because they lied on
The application I know personally the girl that I was closest to she did not have a single hour of community service but she had expressed to me how much she wanted it and I’m like believe that it was for good reasons and to this day I think she does great work in the
Sorority whatever but I will say she did not have a single hour of community service and I had so many and so many different places where I had the community service now I was able to go into a place where I had served the have written my letter and convinced them to
Write her a letter as well from him services she did one time previously with me which they did not have dr. minute but she actually was there one time with me for an event so yeah I mean so that bothered me that people there were people who did get it who did not
Fit the requirements and then there were people who I don’t know it bothered me how they treated me I can’t speak for anyone else but it really bothered me how I was treated it bothered me that I felt like I had to completely prove something that I didn’t
That was sitting down and being logical I should not have had to prove anything I already did the work I already was doing the work I I feel like I was already what they were looking for the only thing that I that was needed was their validation and yeah you know what
We’re looking for like you do what you need to do but they felt like I needed to prove things that had absolutely nothing to do with it was I will in time in history yes I don’t know just the way you’re treated does not make sense to me
To become a sister I’ve never had to be treated poorly by my family ever and I don’t know you know people say it’s for different reasons it’s reminiscent of the slave traders reminiscent of this is that I don’t know like I said I didn’t continue the process maybe there’s reasons beyond it but
There’s just certain things that I don’t agree with there’s a lot of things that I do not agree with and that I do not support so well I had a bad experience there’s still so many good parts to it you know you do scholarship service you have sisterhood brothers you get to you
Get to do things at a national level we get to do things at a local level you just got all these different conferences meet amazing people you just get to be one of the leaders of the community you know in your own way and doing your own thing and doing things that you
Care about with people who you come apart of this bigger community up and get to make a family you have family across the nation across the globe really because it’s its global it’s not just in the United States and you have people that you can call as soon as you
Meet them that you already have shared experiences so you’re like a family you know so while how all I can say is are so so so much good to becoming a part of this these organizations but I just also want to shed light one the other side there’s
Other parts to it but that’s also a small part of it so you know I personally at the time I had to choose my education and my sanity over the organization and I to this day I don’t regret my decision in the moment I really really really really did but you
Know it’s life I’m okay with everything that I’ve done in my life now I mean I’m okay with whatever comes so yeah all I can say is make an educated decision to make the best decision for you make sure you do your research before you get onto campus make sure you continue that
Research while you’re on campus get some other people around you have genuine conversations make sure you want relationships don’t be afraid to ask questions but I would say do so and privacy definitely still be discreet about things just because you never know if you change your mind don’t come on
Campus saying you want to be a certain sorority and then you end up change your mind be something completely different discretion is just really important for many different reasons yeah and if you don’t get it it’s okay if you can’t do it if you decide you can’t do it anymore that’s okay
If you decide that you can make it through that small you have to think about it like realistically the process it’s just a few months you know and then after that you have a lifetime to be a part of this organization but it’s up to you to decide if that’s something that
You want to be a part of so yeah all I can say is do your research understand it’s not it’s not always a walk in the park there’s a lot of other things that go into it start getting a community service early get and do it because
Don’t even do service that you actually enjoy like don’t just do it so that you can join and don’t just do the bare minimum but commit to something once a week because it’s good do it because it’s good to give back so that’s going and I volunteer with Girl Scouts I love
Young women I wish I had a little sister so bad until I like adopt every every single one of my best friend’s little sisters I wish I had a little sister so like whether it’s Girl Scouts Boy Scouts volunteering I don’t know I don’t know I’m staring at a food bank I’m gonna
Turn with the homeless volunteering at a women’s shelter volunteering for environmental causes like just make sure you’re doing those things make sure you keep your grades up school is so important that’s why you are you pay to go to school you’re paying to be there so make sure you’re
Going to your classes and doing that and just make sure you’re a good person you know I don’t know make sure you’re good to people that’s important if you can’t you shouldn’t want to join us for you if you can’t maintain relationship with people and if you weren’t working on
Bettering yourself and wanting to better people around you so yeah I just hope if you’re watching this and you’re contemplating your decision all I can say is make the decision that’s best for you what’s for you is always gonna be for you and will always always always
Have your name written on it I believe in God and I believe that God knew my entire life know me from birth from beginning to end before I ever even got here and I thought that things were supposed to happen but everything happened exactly how it was supposed to
Happen I’m so thankful for everything now in hindsight everything is obviously much clearer and you know it’s life things happen um yeah so like comment subscribe I hope this video doesn’t get too much hate I just wanted to share my experience because everyone has their own and you don’t see
Much about people who decided to stop you do so people don’t talk about it you know it’s not something you want to talk about something you feel embarrassed about it’s something you regret you might still regret it you know there’s just so many different feelings that go
Into it but there are I know there are people who are curious and I hope this video was able to answer some of your questions and make you feel better about your situation if you’re in anything similar so like comment subscribe stay blessed stay tuned I put on new videos every Wednesday and
Sunday so hope you all enjoyed this video and I
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