– I felt like a lot of sorority recruitment is based on looks and it’s like, if you see a pretty girl and she’s nice, you’re gonna be like, oh, I’m so excited about her, she’s so cute. Like, that’s a word that a lot of people use. She’s so cute, she’s so pretty.
– Pretty privilege is a thing. – Pretty privilege is such a thing! – Absolutely. – Like, 100%. – [Interviewer] So, this one was audience-submitted, by MD. – Period – [Interviewer] All right, I pay to have friends. Three, two, one, go. – I knew this was gonna come up. – Best, best money I ever spent. – [Participant] No, for real. – Good answer. – [Participant] For real. – Oh, I’m sorry. I went to the wrong one. – Yeah, I paid to be a part of an organization, that introduced me to, like, really, really amazing women, and it’s like, if that’s what people wanna say,
That’s what they say, but like, I’d do it again, so. – No, yeah, I would be with you on that side, if I made more friends, because I am paying. And it was really hard, because I transferred to my school, and so, everyone had been friends since freshman year,
And so trying to, like, navigate that like social scene, where everyone already knows each other, and they’re comfortable with their friends, they’re not actively looking for more. – And also, like, you could pay, and girls could still not like you. Like it’s not, – exactly
– Like, you’re paying, you’re paying for the philanthropy, you don’t pay and then all of a sudden like, oh I have to like you. Like there’re like, probably a million girls who are in sororities and don’t have friends at all. – We’re all busy sometimes so I feel like there,
We don’t have those moments where we get to connect as much cause I’m considered NEO still. So, I’m excited for it to like, you know, grow more. – Do you feel like pushed out since you’re a NEO? Like, do you feel like you have to like, work towards that relationship?
– You know, I thought that was how it was gonna be in the beginning, with mine, I feel like it was actually pretty good. I mean, it’s a pretty small sorority so going into it, I think, they were like, more accepting.
I think it was more me trying to break that mind of like, I’m still little and they’re still my big sisters. Like no, now we’re equal. – [Participant] Right. – [Interviewer] I love to party. Three, two, one, go. – I do love to party of course it’s, you know,
The getting ready, doing hair, makeup and stuff. But there’s just times where, I don’t know, I just rather be at home watching a movie, chilling with friends. – I definitely agree, like there’s some days I just wanna stay home, with all the violence going on, that definitely determines my thought process
Of staying home, but yeah. – Okay, I like to go out to a bar with my friends, get a little mixy, mixy, but I don’t wanna like, go to the frat house, get disgusting, smell like, the BO of like 40 men and there’s like five girls there and it’s like,
I don’t think that’s necessarily fun. I would rather, I don’t know if this can be in there, but I would rather be like, high than drunk and I’m not gonna be high cause then you’re like, analyzing everything around you and it’s like these 19 year old boys that are just like. – Like, what are you doing bro? – Yeah, no, that’s so true, but like the whole drinking culture at my school, I go to San Diego State, it’s a really big party school so, it’s either you black out or you don’t have a good time. – [Participant] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
– And I don’t like blacking out, I like remembering what I did the night before. So that’s like, why I’m on somewhat disagrees is cause I don’t wanna black out every time I go out. – I also think if you’re not partying and you’re not going out like, you’re,
You’re gonna become a ghost. – Yeah. – It’s harder, no deadass, it’s harder to stay relevant, like, if people don’t see you, like, they’ll forget about you, so. – [Interviewer] Some sororities only take pretty people. Three, two, one, go. – (laughing) I’m like conflicted. Okay. – There’s a few sororities at my school
That do solely go based off looks. If you’re blonde and you’re skinny, you’re in. Personally my sorority doesn’t do that, I think it’s just a load of bull crap, it’s so superficial. – These kinds of like image sororities that we’re talking about, like, that’s where they get their power from.
Like, everybody thinking like, they’re so pretty or they’re so untouchable and I don’t think my sorority is like that but, I think it matters to my sorority. It sucks but that’s just how it is, you know. And I think it is because it’s a social institution,
Like, it just relies on other people like, feeding into it, like catering to it kind of so. – The exclusivity of a lot of sororities is what makes them like a top house or like, more desired. – Yeah. – I felt like a lot of sorority recruitment is
Based on looks and it’s not maybe something that people are even like, conscious of, but like, if you see a pretty girl and she’s nice, you’re gonna be like, oh I’m so excited about her, she’s so cute, like, that’s a word that a lot of people use, she’s so cute, she’s so pretty.
– Pretty privilege is a thing. – Privilege is such a thing. – Absolutely. – Like, 100%. – So I mainly had more experiences with multicultural sororities, mine is a multicultural one, I mean, there’s a part of me, I’m plus size and I was really scared for a second that
I wasn’t gonna get accepted or something because I am plus size, but, I mean, I’ve seen other plus size people in the multicultural sororities and I’m like okay, if they’re part of it then I definitely have a chance. So yeah, that’s why I was kinda conflicted.
– K through 12, I grew up in like very white spaces and so like, all I saw about sororities are like, traditionally like, white sororities and like, I didn’t see myself in those spaces and like, it was very clear that like,
If someone like me is not in the room, there’s a reason why, and so, when I got to my school and like, you know, when you’re all just like, are all black, like it just, has like, a different type of feeling, like, you feel like more seen and like understood
Because of like, you know, common circumstances. – The image doesn’t necessarily have to do with like, your physical appearance, like, looking put together all the time, It’s more of like how you appear to people on the outside. Like, when we are going through recruitment
Or just in general like, you can’t post red Solo cups, you can’t post alcohol if you’re under 21. – I think it’s something different though, like, posting alcohol, and like, looking like a mess because just like real world (bleep) like, you don’t want you 19 like, drunk on Instagram
Like, when you’re trying to get a job. – Yeah. – Exactly. – So like my sorority does care about that and it’s not, it’s not so much like, they’re trying to control me but, it, we just should be like that. You just shouldn’t post alcohol if you’re not 21.
– Yeah I mean, – Exactly. – Sorry, I don’t know how to word this. I feel like, when the frat bros like post up with their kegs and their red Solo cups it’s fine. – Right. – But it feels like, a little bit misogynistic that like, a girl needs to look classy.
– Yeah. – and she can’t drink alcohol but like, the boys can do it. – Oh yeah. – And like why is that a thing? – Yeah. – Like, I have to look like this like, lady when it’s like, – And the sorority definitely upholds that you know
– Yeah. – and reinforces it too. – Yes they reinforce it but it’s also like, when you go into the world like, you’re not gonna solve misogyny because you’re like, I’m gonna post this cup and I’m bossed up. It’s just like no like, at the end of the day
When you apply for a job they’re googling you, they’re going on your Instagram and they’re seeing who you are and they’re not thinking about sexism when they see you with a red Solo cup. – [Interviewer] I’ve been made to do things I’m uncomfortable with while in a sorority. Three, two, one. – Hmm.
I didn’t do anything like crazy that’s disrespectful to my body but, going in front of a panel in front of hundreds of other sorority girls just conquering that fear, being on stage, that’s something I had to do that was uncomfortable for me, so it’s a different way of how you perceive it.
– Yeah, that’s how I was taking the question as well. It’s just like, I’ve had like a lot of social anxiety and like, even talking to like, older women in my sorority like, that is really uncomfortable for me, but like, once I like, push through and I talk to them I’m like damn,
You are so fire, like, I can’t believe I was nervous so. – A consequence of being vice president, I had to send girls to collections and stuff like that, if potentially let’s say they didn’t pay or whatever like, I don’t like doing that. Like, I don’t like like messing with people’s money or,
I guess in that kind of way like, that’s like when I’ve been forced to do some, actually forced like, binded by contract to do something I’m very uncomfortable with. Like, that was kind of like knife to my throat. – The reason why I’m on somewhat disagree is not because
I’ve been made to do things that are uncomfortable, I think I’ve been made to do things that I’m like, I don’t get the point, I don’t see why we need to do this, it doesn’t make sense. – [Interviewer] Was there anything in particular? – I can’t really say cause it’s the,
During pledge-ship process. – [Interviewer] Totally. – But it was just stuff like, little stuff like that where it’s like, not harming me or anything but I just, I don’t see the reason why for it. – I was just wondering, how did you guys interpret the question?
Did you guys interpret it like, more like hazing? – They tell us each year in our conference that there’s, there was a school years ago who would tie these girls up and they were forced to walk out in the ocean and find a way to untie themselves, so for the viewers out there,
Don’t get it twisted, like, there’s a lot of girls out there who do things that they are absolutely, is a disgrace to their body, and I want the viewers to know that you never, it’s never that serious. – I also feel like I have a unique experience like,
In my sorority cause I’m queer and like majority of my line sisters are not, and so like, when I’m in those spaces people are like, you really gay girl? And I’m just like, – I’m pretty sure. – Like it’s not like that.
– I might swing your way, but I’m not swinging your way. Like, you’re not my cup of tea. So, it’s just like that discomfort or like the invalidation of like a part of my identity because someone thinks they’re entitled to like, I don’t know what, my time, or it’s like, frustrating.
– No, yeah. – Now that I’m older, I’ve grown so much from like, being a freshman and now I’m a junior so like, my freshman year if you were to ask me this question I would’ve said, yeah I felt uncomfortable, because you have junior and senior guys preying on 17,
18 year olds and it’s gross and like you feel under pressure cause like, oh like this older guy’s talking to me, and he wants me to do this so I’m gonna do that even though you don’t really want to. But, it’s a way to get invited back to a party
And like, get to know people. But now that I’m older and I go to the fraternities that I feel the most comfortable at and know that if something were to happen to me or any of my friends, like they would take care of it. I don’t really feel uncomfortable anymore.
Drugs and like alcohol make people do really weird things and like touch you weird and it’s just, it’s really disgusting and gross. – And it’s hard like, when you’re in their house. – Exactly. – They, they like empower each other, you know like, and I wonder like, kind of like turns into like
A pissing contest like, all of them like trying to like, alpha each other like, it’s like a lot but I don’t know, it’s also kind of fun like, if you like are somewhere safe, right? Like I, – You’re so chaotic, I totally love that for you. – You’re so unhinged, I love it.
– [Interviewer] I don’t worry about money. Three, two, one. – First of all, with the multicultural organizations for the viewers, it’s definitely a lot more cheaper than the Panhellenics, so, that’s kind of the main reason why I joined. I’m low income, that’s like obvious
And it’s just hard sometimes because I do love this org and I want to stay in it but there are times where I have to think future-wise, am I gonna have to go inactive? Am I gonna have to actually leave because I don’t have money to even do this, and that’s pretty upsetting.
And sorority, being in a sorority is a lot of money, we can all agree. – Yeah. – It’s a lot of money. – And I’ve experienced that, like I’ve gone inactive, not cause I wanted to but because I couldn’t afford, you know, to shell out a thousand dollars a quarter.
So last year I tried to apply for scholarships. I did feel a little bit misled during the recruitment process about like, financial transparency. I don’t think it’s on specific people but I think not being educated enough about your own chapter and then bringing other people into it and being like,
Yeah we have scholarships, and it’s like, okay you do but you, you have to pay for the whole year first. But I’m lucky in that like, my president last year was amazing and she worked with me to get me on special status, I could be inactive,
I could still be a part of the chapter like, my best friend can bring me to things but it’s something to consider, and I do feel like the finances of Greek life are what make it so inaccessible to so many people. – So I’m lucky my chapter is very flexible with dues like,
I’m, it’s such a blessing like that’s, that’s so terrible and I’m so sorry but the social aspect of the sorority is like, the most expensive part for me. Like oh my god, like outfits and then Ubers and drinks at the bar and nobody’s forcing me to do these things,
But you wanna hang out with your sisters, you wanna be around them and like, when you’re going through rush, nobody’s telling you that like dues, I was prepared for, I’d signed up for but I had no idea how much like the social part of it would be.
– Yeah, I think a lot of people don’t talk about that because there’s a good chunk of people that don’t pay anything out of their own bank accounts and it’s like their parents, which if you can do that, I’m jealous. Like, I wish that I had that kind of support.
– Yeah that’s me. – That’s my situation too. – Yeah I’m super blessed and thankful that my parents do pay for my dues, they do pay for, obviously not the social aspect of it but if I like, need a dress for an event or if I need stuff for like,
Recruitment, they’ll help me out in that regard. We have this whole financial plan figured out and how they see it, is essentially like an investment in my future because of what I will get out of being a part of the sorority. The reason why I’m on somewhat agree and not on agree
Is because I took it in like two different perspectives. One is like my own financial status but also, I was on my sorority’s executive board and we don’t have a lot of money. People think sororities are like, unlimited funds, like, we have so much money to spend like ridiculous amounts
Of dollars on stupid things but my sorority is not like that at all. Like, we struggled with dues and stuff cause people don’t pay their dues either. – [Participant] Yeah. – They just to join and they don’t pay the dues and then, we don’t have any money to do anything with that.
So I do worry about the financial status of my chapter. – I agree with you with what you were saying like, I’m fortunate to have parents who will pay my dues, my outfits, everything I need. Being an African American based sorority, the women will, are not hesitant on helping you out
For any funds that you need. – [Participant] Yeah. – I have a question real quick for you guys. When you guys go through recruitment, do they give you like a financial transparency sheet that like, lays out everything, no? – Absolutely not. – Wow. – Really? – It’s not transparent because nobody would rush.
Like nobody would join. – Yeah. – If they knew how much, I mean I’m sure some people would but, – With our sorority, so they are very flexible and I am thankful for that, but they weren’t as transparent with that because we are like, my sorority is Latina based
And so obviously a lot of them come in first gen, low income and we never want you to feel discouraged like, oh now I can’t join because of money. – Which makes sense, absolutely. But I also think there should be a part where we’re like,
Okay, well let me be realistic to you at least. – Yeah. – Yeah. – [Interviewer] This was submitted by Theo. Racism exists within sororities. Three, two, – I’m so sorry. – one – That’s okay girl. – For my sorority, first black African American sorority out there, we prefer to stick with our people
But we’re always welcome to branching out to a multicultural perspective. But I think there’s a sorority for everything. You’ll have your multicultural sororities, predominantly white sororities and we have our predominantly black sororities. – Yeah, I would agree with that. I think it’s just empowering to be in a space
Where you’re poured into by people who are successful and look like you. That’s like extremely, honestly life changing like and if, someone from a different ethnicity wanted to join, like my personal perspective is just like simply why? Like I’m not gonna, – It’s just easier. – Yeah it’s just like,
Well, not why like you can’t be here, I’m just like, I’m just genuinely interested in knowing why like, if someone was adopted and grew up in a black family and that’s all they know, it’s like okay, like girl, come on, like I fully understand that.
So it’s not like there’s like a, don’t join this, it’s just more so, this is a safe space and as a person who is not a black woman, why are you wanting to enter our safe space? – Right, cause there’s a lot of spaces for us elsewhere. – Yeah. – Absolutely. – Grace.
– I think sororities do a good job at reinforcing beauty standards that are definitely racial in their roots and like, have existed for a long time and were set by people who aren’t alive anymore I guess. And I think sororities feed into each other, reinforcing these beauty standards like this like,
Typical skinny white girl, like this blonde. So I think in that kind of way it’s a problem and it’s terrible. – It’s upsetting. I mean I had a friend who goes to a different school than I do, you know obviously I like being in a sorority so I’ll tell people like,
Oh, if you’ve ever thought about it, you should definitely try it. She said that there’s this one sorority that, cause she’s Latina, that was like making fun of her in a way and being like, oh I know you know how to cook nachos and blah blah,
I know you know how to cook and stuff like that. And it’s just like so upsetting because it’s like, now you’re ruining it for the rest of us. Like for the people that actually want these people to join and like, are trying to make this a safe space like you guys are saying
And now because someone else wants to act like, racist and stupid, now it’s making the rest of us look bad. – I know of some sororities that do select people of color to join just to look better. They don’t really genuinely care and it’s really sad and it’s disgusting. – It’s performative activism.
– Yeah. – It’s someone not wanting to get scrutinized for being racist. – Exactly. – So they do what looks not racist but at the end of the day, like, you don’t have honest or genuine intentions behind the decisions you’re making. Like a black face in a high place doesn’t equal like, inclusivity.
– Yeah. – Like, that’s just not how it works. – And like, I’m super thankful, like in my chapter, we do have our, we call it like, our BEDI chair, belonging, equity, diversity, inclusion. She is a person of color and she is so well educated
And just really brings us really like, great presentations about like, the importance of pronouncing someone’s name, like, African American vernacular. Like, you know, like, just bringing awareness to things that I usually don’t really think about. And I think that, my chapter, like specifically, we’re making the right steps.
– What if she was white? Do you think that she could still achieve the inclusivity? Like do you think they have to be black or might uh, – I think as long as someone is like, well educated in the subject, they can make a difference,
But also I feel like, I don’t wanna necessarily like, say like, it means more when it comes to someone who like, has experienced that, – Like representation? – Exactly, yeah. – Like, you know what else I’m thinking? Is it the job of like, we also have an equity and belonging chair
But like, is it the job of a black woman to educate like white people, we’re all adults. Like, and maybe it does mean more coming from a woman of color but what a burden, you know, that it has to be this poor, like not,
I don’t mean poor but like this woman’s job to like, educate the rest of her sisters. Like why, maybe it’s a problem within probably white spaces and maybe it should be the burden of white people to correct their own misdoings you know? – I think an important question to ask yourself is,
Who does it feel special to, to have that be a person of color? Like it feels special to you but I would like just like to, like challenge you like, in your sorority like, to just, possibly like, it’s effort, that’s simply all it is like teaching diversity and inclusivity,
And so if like you as like you know, a white girl in your sorority can like put more effort in like, learning certain things so you can teach that and then asking a person of color like, advice, like I think that would be a great suggestion, just you know,
– Yeah, thank you so much for saying that, and like all of you guys like, had to say like, I really appreciate it and I will straight up admit, like, I do have to learn more. I do have to like, put in the time and like educate myself
And yeah I just really appreciate you guys, thank you. – I really like that suggestion just because it is, I would say a bit hard to find that balance of like, there’s a lot of people that are like, well my sorority isn’t racist so we’re fine.
And it’s like, well yeah you guys aren’t discriminating against people but you have to do more than just not be racist. Like, you know what I mean? You have to learn. – Be anti-racist, yeah. – Yeah, and you have to learn from that, you have to acknowledge that Greek life originally,
When it was first made is, was a racist system. And I think, like you’re saying, it shouldn’t be the job of a person of color, I don’t need that pressure. I, – Yeah, – Like, I don’t know you, I don’t need to teach you.
– No, I just wanna say like when I said that I didn’t mean it like that at all. – No, yeah. (multiple people speaking) – I know you didn’t mean it like that. I just think that like, this is what happens like in spaces like this where we like, are working towards like,
Decolonizing like, originally white spaces is that like, often times like, white people are made aware of things they didn’t know before and I’m not sitting here like, oh my god you racist, you thought that, it’s more just like, you’re a product of your environment.
We presenting you new ideas and thoughts and like you either take it moving forward or you don’t, but then you also live with this, the decision that you make moving forward too. So it’s like, – Exactly. – It’s okay. – Yeah, you’re good. – [Interviewer] This was submitted by Rachel.
I regret joining a sorority. Three, two, one, go. – Oh! It’s more, sometimes it’s a burden for me honestly. It’s not an all around overall like, settled regret but I have my moments but I do like my friends, I am very thankful for them, but, – [Participant] Yeah. – Maybe it’s not enough like, to like, put up with everything else like,
To put up with the complicity, to put up like, with (beep) that I don’t care about, to put up with gossip, to put up with paying dues so. – Like, hearing people like say things about me, like my sisters that I don’t even really know, hearing like,
Not nice things about yourself is really hard, at this point in time in it for the connections that I will have after college, cause I am in my last two quarters of school and I’m really grateful for the people that I have met, but I do wonder if it was worth it sometimes.
– I think I strongly disagree. Joining AKA has bloomed me to someone I never thought I could be, being able to articulate my words. It’s just made me be surrounded by like-minded women, like how you were talking about being in a space where you don’t feel like you’re alone,
So, that’s why I strongly disagree. – Yeah, like I said, it’s life-changing. Just beyond that it’s like, I love my line sisters, like, great people forever will be in my life. And then like, knowing women that like, poured into my parents cause my parents are immigrants, and like, they were like Delta women.
So it’s like, it was like really like deep for me. I joined the same organization so, I’m just like very happy to be a Delta. – My sorority, it’s not my entire life, but right now it is. I lived in the sorority house for the past few years. When I went through recruitment,
I just felt genuine connections with these girls, I felt like every conversation was super real and like they genuinely cared about me. I’ve also gone through really hard times too, like last year, or not last year, like three months ago, I lost my aunt to stage four lung cancer
And then my high school boyfriend died. – [Participant] Oh my God, I’m so sorry. – And, It was really, really hard and like, my sisters were there to like, lift me up and motivate me and support me and not even just like in the really hard times,
But also the really good times too. Like we’re always there to like validate each other and like lift each other up and empower one another. And I’ve just grown into like such a different person than I was two years ago and I wouldn’t be who I am today without my chapter.
– Yeah, girl. – That’s beautiful.
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