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You are at:Home » Key & Peele – Retired Military Specialist
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Key & Peele – Retired Military Specialist

adminBy adminAugust 18, 2023No Comments3 Mins Read
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[hinges creaking] – I WAS WONDERING WHEN I WOULD COME IN HERE TO FIND YOU SITTING IN THAT CHAIR. – IT WASN’T EASY TRACKING YOU DOWN, DECKER. – WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE. – I KNOW YOU’VE RETIRED, BUT– – THAT’S ALL BEHIND ME NOW, GENERAL. I’M NOT THE MAN YOU KNEW DURING THE COLD WAR.

– I UNDERSTAND. WE’RE NOW FACING A THREAT UNLIKE ANY WE’VE EVER FACED BEFORE. A MAN WITH YOUR EXPERTISE– – I MADE A VOW. NEVER TO KILL ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. SORRY, GENERAL, GONNA HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE. – OH… NO, WE WEREN’T THINKING YOU’D DO IT. WE WERE–[clears throat] JUST HOPING YOU COULD

RECOMMEND SOMEONE FOR THE JOB. – I GUESS I COULD COME OUT OF RETIREMENT. – NO. NO NEED. JUST A RECOMMENDATION WILL DO. – ALL RIGHT. I’LL DO IT. – YOU KNOW, YOU’RE JUST NOT WHAT WE’RE LOOKING FOR. – YOU SLY SON OF A BITCH. YOU ALWAYS KNEW HOW TO PUSH MY BUTTONS.

I’M IN. – NOT YOU, DECKER. – I’M SHARP AS I EVER WAS. – [sighs] – EVEN FASTER TOO. GRAB MY HAND. NOPE. WAIT TILL I COUNT TO THREE FIRST. – REALLY? – ONE. TWO. THREE. OKAY. I WANT YOU TO TRY AND SLAP ME IN THE FACE. UNH! WASN’T READY FOR THAT. TRY AGAIN.

UNH! OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? – NOW WHAT? – DIDN’T HAVE MY ADRENALINE UP. ‘CAUSE THIS IS NOT AN ACTUAL HIGH-STAKES SITUATION. ALL RIGHT. DRAW YOUR WEAPON. AND…DISARMED. [gun hammer clicks] YOU’RE GETTING PRETTY QUICK AND DISARMED–OKAY. I DON’T NEED TO TAKE YOUR WEAPON. YOU KNOW WHAT? SHOOT ME.

– I AM NOT GOING TO SHOOT YOU. – WING ME IN THE SHOULDER. – THIS IS RIDICULOUS! – TRY, GENERAL. SEE WHAT HAPPENS. – [sighs] – DEFLECTED–OOOWW! – OKAY. I MADE A MISTAKE COMING HERE. – WING ME IN THE OTHER SHOULDER. – I’D RATHER NOT. – I INSIST. DEFLECTED–AAAHH!

THAT WAS BECAUSE MY OTHER ARM WAS ALREADY INJURED. – OKAY. I’M LEAVING. – [grunting] ALL RIGHT. ALL OR NOTHING. GUT SHOT. – NO! – GUT SHOT! COME ON! IF YOU CAN SHOOT ME IN THE GUT, I’LL CONCEDE. – DECKER, YOU HAVE TWO WOUNDED ARMS. – GUT SHOT! GO! – GOT IT. [groans]

– YOU–YOU CAUGHT THE BULLET? – OH, YEAH. [groans] – SO YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT THE BULLET IS IN BETWEEN YOUR HANDS RIGHT NOW. – THAT’S WHAT I’M TELLING YOU. – [sighs] [birds chirping] – IS THAT ALL YOU GOT? COME ON. HEAD SHOT. HEAD SHOT. I’M READY. ONE SEC THOUGH. [gunshot]

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