Hello! How are you? Welcome! I’m very much honored. Thank you, thank you. Thank you as well. So you were also friends with Bro.Bo? Yes – Yeah, I also interviewed him during the pandemic. – I know, it was a really touching interview. Alright, come with me.
Please welcome an author, a life builder, and a Catholic Teacher, Brother Roberto “Obet” Cabrillas Jr. Hello, Brother Obet! Good evening, and good day to all of you. It is an honor to be included and to be with one of the most beautiful Oh wow!
– and influential people in our society. – Thank you, Brother Obet. Brother Obet has a colorful life story and I believe that this is the type of story that you should listen to. We will start with your childhood. I am the type of kid that… It’s nice that we are sitting down,
But the truth will set you free. It will hurt you first, before it sets you free. I am not tall. So, I am a clumsy, little, and asthmatic kid. So, I was a pushover. I was always bullied and I only retaliated through studying well. So that’s where I fought back and so on.
I am, perhaps like many people, included in those who have issues with self-worth. I look down on myself. You have low self-esteem. I have low self-esteem. Is it because of the bullying that you experienced? – Was that the reason for your self-esteem to decline? – It all happened at once.
I started believing that I had no value, especially when you’re being bullied, there are bound to be negative words thrown at you. So you believed that, and well, fortunately, my way of fighting back was through focusing on my studies. Yes, because when you’re young and still discovering yourself,
You tend to believe that the labels that others give you define who you are. Yes. Definitely. Right? That’s because you don’t fully know yourself yet. So you grew up like that? I’m telling you, we lived in Bagong Barrio, we are eight siblings. What is your birth order among the siblings?
I’m the 6th among us. How did you get involved in street fighting? My father suddenly declared that… we will be selling our house. We were called to gather. Usually, when all eight of us are called, it means there’s a snack or treat waiting for us.
However, this time, when we were summoned, I found my mother crying in a corner. “What could be happening?” They said they’re going to separate. They’re planning to sell the two cars we have, and even the house.
What I couldn’t accept was when he asked us to choose between staying with our mother or going with him. My siblings knew how to react. They cried. As for me, I didn’t shed a tear, but I kept it all inside. I told myself, “When I grow up, I will fight you.” Really?
My father is an amateur boxer, so I often witnessed his training routines, which were impressive. This eventually led me to engage in street boxing. Street boxing is when the promoter has money, there will be gloves. But when there’s none, as the Waray people say, “putusay” it’s just bare-fisted fighting.
We’re like roosters being bet on. Oh so, it is really a brutal fight targeting the face. Yes. Well, luckily I wasn’t blessed with handsome looks by the Lord. But,you were asked to choose between your mother and father right? Who did you choose? What happened was emotional divorce.
There was no communication, but we still had to have our father come home to us. He would come home drunk and it further ignited my anger towards him. – and it further ignited my anger towards him. – Resentment. Anger. Then, sometimes he would break things, but I couldn’t do anything about it
Because my mother would say, “Oh that’s still your father. Carry him, put him to bed.” So that’s what happened. Then, my first street fight happened when my friend and I went to a place that resembled a cockfighting arena. I said to him that I don’t gamble and I shouldn’t get involved in that.
He insisted, saying it’s good. I followed him until he disappeared. There were many people and I noticed someone with their back turned in the middle. I wondered “Is this a shooting?” He had a large built. When I turned around, I realized that I was his opponent. I was immediately punched repeatedly.
– Ahh, you were involved already. – Yes. That was it. I was carried out by three people, and when we got out, I saw my friend counting some money. He said, “We have money now.” What? Why? “I placed a bet on your opponent.”
– So you were caught up in street fighting? – Yes. I was caught up. So after you got beaten up, your friend won, and you made money, did you pursue it further? Yes. I changed. – How? – Because I was preparing for it.
It’s like, I always had in mind my anger towards my father every time I faced someone in a fight. That’s your motivation. Yes, somehow that’s my motivation. My psychologist friend called it the “father wound”. What is father wound? Father wound is the resentment caused by a father.
One of the world’s problems is the prevalence of fatherless homes, not necessarily due to the absence of fathers. Some fathers may physically be present but emotionally absent. They are there, yet not really there. Their presence is not felt, and when they speak, it’s often filled with anger and verbal abuse.
My father, in my experience, is like an absentee father. Whenever he opens his mouth, anger arises, and we feel fear when he’s around. What was the most painful word that you heard from your father? We never forget the most hurtful words that are spoken to us.
One time, I had a dream where a dog was chasing me. So I kicked with all my might and accidentally hit our cabinet, causing it to break. My father arrived, and I thought he would punish me. Instead, he uttered words that I will never forget. He said, “You should pay for that.”
He never says that to my other siblings. “Pay for it.” “You don’t even do anything here, and yet you still manage to break things.” What happened to your street fighting career? How did it continue? If I didn’t pass at the University of the Philippines… Bro. Obet is intelligent; he went to UP
And even pursued a master’s degree. Maybe it was just God’s blessing. If I didn’t pass there, I wouldn’t have been able to pursue my studies. There really wasn’t any other option. So I managed to get in there… UP Diliman?
Yes. So, I sought an avenue and I became a member of a fraternity. How did you become a member of the fraternity? I would usually go to the 4th floor of Palma Hall to have a solitary experience while eating pandesal.
There was a group of big guys who invited me to join their fraternity. I told them that I didn’t need them because I am from Bagong Barrio. I can fend for myself. I have no problems. Then suddenly, he kicked the chair and broke it.
Then he said that something like that might happen if I don’t join. I told him why didn’t they tell me that it was that easy to join their fraternity in the first place? Okay, so you joined. You’re easy to talk to.
If a chair can break, then your face can break too,so might as well join them. As I looked at myself, I realized that I have the capability, but if they are this strong, and there are four of them, I might end up losing. So did you join immediately? Immediately.
How has joining the fraternity affected your confidence, coming from a place of low self-esteem and lack of confidence in life? During my college days, I couldn’t accept the idea that fraternities were only for insecure people. However, now I realize that there’s some truth to it.
Why would you join something that would hurt you? But honestly, there is a sense of brotherhood, it’s not entirely negative. and I have gained many friends whom I still consider my friends until now. They are like brothers to me. So, to this day, the fraternity members still maintain their bond?
Oh yeah. Yes. Especially my batch. Ahh, until now you continue to uphold your brotherhood. But what I really can’t justify is the violence, especially during our time. The question is, why was there violence? Ah, that’s how the violence is demystified now. Many people think that there are deep-rooted conflicts behind it.
While it’s true that there are some underlying issues, it’s mostly fueled by pure machismo. When you became part of the fraternity, you became a hitman. When you say hitman, what does this mean? You were the one who would take the frontline during confrontations or fights.
So that was what they used to call it back then. – That’s what it is called. – In fraternities. What happened when you became a member and took on the role of a hitman? Toni, you have a way of asking questions that really bring out what we have kept hidden.
Now, fast forward, I think I’m a candidate, if we’re talking about it now, for what is called a sociopath? Because back then, I had no conscience at all. When fights broke out, I even felt a sense of joy. In a very sick way, it’s like I found meaning in brawls.
Yes, we attend our classes, but when it comes to violence, there were three of us in my batch. We are called small, medium, and large. Of course, I am Small. When the three of us were together, even if we were outnumbered, it felt like we had no fear. So that’s what happened.
You mean, false confidence? Very good. It can be referred to as false confidence or improper confidence. Yes, because the confidence was translated in a negative way. Negative and destructive way. Destructive, painful way, inflicting pain to others.
When you say you have no conscience, don’t you feel any compassion for the person you’re beating up? Even when they’re already bloody and nearly unconscious, do you continue without hesitation? It seems there is a sick, sick feeling of satisfaction in it. You become arrogant, justifying your actions.
“Oh, so that’s the extent of your arrogance? Earlier, you were so full of yourself” And it’s not like I was looking for a fight; I’ve never started a fight in my life. I don’t start fights; I finish them. But didn’t you almost get kicked out? Yes, I almost got kicked out.
Is it because of the fraternity wars? It’s because of two reasons. But, In UP Diliman, fraternities are not interfered with or bothered by the university, or is it okay? Yeah, that’s right. It’s considered a violation when you inflict pain or cause damage to property and people. Anyway,
The real reason why I almost got kicked out of UP– Fine, I’ll admit it. You have a way of drawing it out, and I’ll give it to you as a gift. Okay. The first reason is that I had very low grades in Communication subjects, both in writing and speaking.
My grades were really low for a scholar and we have to maintain a certain grade. What grade did you need to maintain? So we were required to maintain a grade of 2 or better. I was on the verge of failing because my grades in writing and speaking were very low.
Additionally, I had a disciplinary issue related to involvement in a physical fight and illegal possession of a deadly weapon. What were the deadly weapons involved? Pipes, Molotov cocktails, bombs, and so on. What are molotov cocktails? It’s like a gas container that you throw at your opponent,
And it ignites, with something placed inside to make the fire stick and burn the target. You brought that inside the school? Ah, it shouldn’t have been like that, but there were members of our opponent who used such weapons during fights, so the other fraternity members matched their level. Possession of deadly weapons.
But my main basic weapon is a short pipe. Because in boxing, I’m a slugger, like Iron Mike Tyson, someone who fights at close range. So it’s the same in street fights. Close quarters combat. I use short pipes because it’s easy to throw and to strike the head with.
Did you bring that to school? Yeah. But you weren’t kicked out right? Because you improved your studies. I was caught by the police, and I was imprisoned overnight. I didn’t know how I would be able to get out. That’s when a miracle happened, the most miraculous of all.
Luckily, my case wasn’t related to an act of violence but rather illegal possession of a deadly weapon. However, I still didn’t know how I would get out of it. So on that night, I made a promise to the Lord. I said, “Lord, if you are real…”
Because suddenly there was a mention of the Lord, right? – That’s how it is when… – The Lord suddenly came into the picture. When a crisis arises, the Lord is there. He becomes a utility to someone. A friend in need. I said, “Lord, if you’re real, set me free from here.”
You really said that? Was that prayer of yours sincere – or were you just acting? – Sincere. However, before that, I wondered why I felt angry towards the song “Take Me Out of the Dark.” Song of Gary Valenciano So, whenever I would ride a jeepney
And the song “Take Me Out of the Dark” played, I would say, “Hey, turn that off.” And if someone asked why, I would respond, “Turn it off, or else I’ll make you regret it.” Something like that. It seems like I had a personal angst or strong emotional reaction towards that particular song
During the night when I couldn’t go home because I was in jail, there was a prison mayor and there were seven of us. I sang “Take Me Out of the Dark” and eventually we found ourselves crying while I was singing. While in jail? Yes, in jail.
Then, suddenly, I realized that I have a contradiction within me. You see, I love studying because Roberto means light. Roberto means brightness. Yet, here I am embracing the darkness. So, as I sang those words, “take me out of the dark, my Lord, I don’t wanna be there.”
It was like I defined my true identity. Then I said, “Lord, just set me free from here, and I’ll do everything for You.” Little did I know that I would become friends with Brother Bo. We had a retreat where we created timelines of our lives.
The time when he was praying for a youth leader, he said, “Lord, move heavens and earth, just send somebody who can help me with the youth ministry, cause I’m the overall leader,” right when I was in prison, Lord… Well, of course, my prayer was a bit crude. “Lord, move heaven and earth,
Just release me and I’ll do everything for You.” Our prayers aligned and met each other. I call that as a suicide squad prayer. Perhaps during that time, the Lord scanned the world and saw that all the youth heroes were busy, so He thought, “Can I release this antagonist to become a hero?
To do heroic deeds?” I’m a Suicide Squad member. Just like the essence of the movie. The following day, someone released me from prison, and until now I don’t know who it was. After you were released from jail without knowing who bailed you out,
To this day, do you still not know who it was that posted your bail? I can only suspect that it was Him because He was the only one I was talking to that night, right? “Just set me free.” It could be my fraternity brothers,
But all I know is that when I get out of here, I will do everything for Him. What happened after you were released? There was a major brawl where the junior members of the fraternity didn’t participate, and that’s when I got beaten up. It felt like karma, as many would say,
But it was a test of fate for me. To make the long story short, what we thought was a group of four turned out to be fourteen. And because I was identified as the “hitman,” I became the target of their aggression. I was beaten up severely, resulting in me being bloodied all over.
It was like I took a heavy blow. The hitman got hit. But I said, “Lord, please help me, but I will fight back, okay?” So I wrestled with their weapons, using their own pipes against them. So I hammered my way out,
But I was bloodied and I was able to be brough to the hospital. It was as if bad blood was true, literally. I passed out. When I woke up, all I saw was white. I was wondering if I was in heaven. I don’t belong there. Someone who looked like Colonel Sanders arrived,
And I thought it was Saint Peter. Oh! He had a stethoscope, he’s a doctor. – You are not yet dead. – No, not yet. Afterwards, he didn’t give me a diagnosis, didn’t inquire about my condition, and simply commented, “You’re quite strong for someone young, huh?” Then he slapped me gently and said,
“You will live to tell.” He said that? Then when I came out, my fraternity brothers were already there, saying, “See, you can handle it, it seems you’re capable after all. And why does it seem like something has changed? your fierceness is gone.”
That’s what they noticed. It’s like my fierceness is no longer there. – The toughness disappeared. – Well, it’s gone now. I’ve already bled out the bad blood. Then I told my brothers to wait for me because I will give thanks to my doctor before I leave.
I was confused when the office said that there is no Doctor named Lazarus in the hospital. Ohh, that’s a true story? So,if Lazarus is just a character, I think the Lord is doing His part. Really? Those are the journeys of my life, and God’s faithfulness is relentless.
– Someone told you that you will leave to tell. – I live to tell. And that’s what I’m probably doing now. So how did your life change? My life changed because I reintegrated myself to my community. I attended youth missions again.
And blessed be God, no one told me things such as “Oh there is the lost sheep.” Looking forward to being a recovery coach, those kinds of words will trigger a recovering addict or any other form of recovery. I’m glad I haven’t heard anything like that.
What they’ll usually say would be “Obet come here, you will be loved here.” So I grew up in the youth community. Ultimately, I was called to full time ministry because the gifting is really there. How did you know that you are called to ministry? The signs would be, in discerning any decision,
You would always find the answer through the fruits it bears. When it bears fruit, it is the will of the Lord. Regardless of how difficult or easy it may be, when something bears fruit in whatever you do, whether you like it or not, it is the will of the Lord.
When you speak to the youth or to the people listening to you, what do you want them to hear from you? I want them to hear from my life that your greatest breaking will be your greatest blessing. And if you let God intervene, and you cooperate with that grace, things will change.
I’m still healing, and perhaps we heal together along the way. How did you heal from your father wound? When I arrived home, I saw my father smoking, and you can sense his toughness. I said “Tay?” in an emotional way and I was expecting that after that,
We would hug each other and say, “Let’s forgive each other.” He blew out smoke and said “What?!” and I replied “Nothing!” I reacted again just like before and it felt like a missed opportunity. Back then, it was nearing Christmas, I said to the Lord, “Let’s bless this situation, okay?”
I came up with a plan, like creating a Christmas card and putting it in the mailbox so that my father would receive it and so on. Because he would have to eat, and he would get hungry. And true enough, he received it.
Then, when he opened it, he said, “Well, who is this for? Oh, it’s for Roberto Cabrillas Sr., it’s for me, not for Obet.” Upon seeing the cover alone, it would undoubtedly evoke emotions. It bore the words, “To my dearest father this Christmas.” When he opened it, my message read,
“Dad, I am grateful for everything we have become because of you. I also want to apologize, Dad, for the subpoena that arrived at our home. It is all true. Please find it in your heart to forgive us. Can we have a fresh start?” The third part was written in the Waray-Waray language, saying,
“Tay, ginahigugma kita,” which translates to “Dad, I love you.” That means I love you? I love you. Then at the bottom, it said, “P.S. Dad, I have a Christmas wish. Can we have a simple hug?” Since I am a hitman, he did not know that I was standing behind him.
And that’s the first time I saw tears running down his eyes. In that moment, I made one of the most important decisions I have ever made. I embraced him tightly. I hugged him. All the years of arguing and conflict seemed to fade away in that brief moment And then he did something beautiful,
He broke free from my hug, turned to face me, and returned the embrace. He asked, “How can I show my love for you?” I said, “How? Like this, hold me tighter.” It was just like the movies right? That became our ritual. Hugging each other? We were candidates for a broken home, right?
It was an emotional divorce. But we just counted three years, after that, guess what? Miracles happen. We are awarded by the Bagong Barrio Community, Can something good come out of Bagong Bario? Yes. We were awarded the Ulirang Pamilya Award. Wow! – That was amazing. – Only three years.
– That was impressive. – Indeed. God is truly amazing. What do you want people to learn about your story? On your journey? In my journey, what I want to parallel is the Japanese art called Kintsugi. Sounds like death right? Kintsugi is a Japanese art.
Ming Dynasty vases often have a value in the range of five digits in dollars. Kintsugi art is not particularly valuable until something is broken. In the case of Ming Dynasty vases from China, once they are broken, there is no remedy for them. In Japan,
They would repair it by using gold lining to fill in the cracks. Then you would see how elegant it becomes. It’s called Kintsugi art. And the message is you are now more beautiful because you have been broken. And that’s my story. I am more beautiful now because I was broken.
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