Explaining to Your Boss How You F**ked Up – Key & Peele

[dramatic music] ♪ ♪ – OKAY, MAN, YOU KNOW WHAT? IT WASN’T MY FAULT, ALL RIGHT? I-I-I-I HAD THE MONEY LIKE YOU SAID IN A TRASH BAG IN THE BACK OF MY CAR, AND I WAS GONNA GO STRAIGHT TO THE DROP SPOT. ALL RIGHT? NO, NO–HOL–OKAY. OKAY, OKAY.

OKAY, NO–NO, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, MAN. THERE AIN’T NO NEED FOR YOU TO GET COMFORTABLE. OKAY? BECAUSE–BECAUSE I’M TELLING YOU, MAN. WHAT HAPPENED WASN’T MY FAULT, ALL RIGHT? I-I-I-I-I-I DROVE TO THE AGREED UPON LOCATION, MAN. OH–OH, MAN. WHAT? OKAY–OKAY, OKAY! OKAY, BEC–BEC–OKAY. BECAUSE THERE’S NO NEED TO HAVE ANYTHING CRAZY

IN A PAPER BAG. I’M TELLING YOU. THERE’S AN EXPLANATION FOR WHAT WENT DOWN! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! OKAY! LET’S CALM DOWN NOW. LET’S CALM DOWN, MAN. THERE AIN’T NO NEED. OH, A JUICE BOX? THERE AIN’T NO NEED TO EAT A MEAL AND THEN DO SOME CRAZY [bleep] WITH THE PLASTIC SANDWICH CONTAINER!

OH, MAN, COME ON. COME ON, MAN. JUST CHILL OUT A LITTLE BIT. JUST–YOU NEED TO RELAX, MAN. YOU NEED TO TAKE IT EASY AND RELA– OH, [bleep]! OH, GODDAMN! NOW, COME ON, MAN! DON’T DO IT, DON’T DO IT! DON’T DO IT, MAN! YOU SH– COME ON, MAN.

OH, YOU’RE EATING THE SANDWICH! YOU’RE EATING THE SANDWICH. [sobbing] OH, MAN, HOW YOU GONNA SANDWICH ME, DOG? HOW YOU GONNA SANDWICH ME? OH, [bleep]! OKAY, LOOK, IT’S GETTIN’ CRAZY NOW! IT’S GOTTA STOP! IT’S GOTTA STOP RIGHT NOW, OKAY? YOU CLEANIN’ YOURSELF UP BEFORE YOU DO SOME ILL [bleep]? COME ON, MAN!

WHAT YOU DOIN’? WHAT YOU WANNA KNOW? WHAT–I’LL TELL YOU WHATEVER YOU WANNA KNOW, MAN! JUST PLEASE STOP THIS COLD-ASS [bleep], MAN! I’M BEGGIN’ YOU, DOG, PLEASE. OH, [bleep]! NO! NO, OKAY! LOOK, OKAY, MAY–MAYBE IT WAS MY FAULT A LITTLE BIT. MAYBE IT WAS MY FAULT A LITTLE BIT, BUT DON’T JUST–

WHAT YOU GONNA DO WITH THAT JUICE BOX, MAN? WHAT’RE YOU GONNA DO WITH THAT J– WHAT’RE YOU GONNA DO WITH THE STRAW? WHAT’RE YOU GONNA DO WITH THE STRAW? COME ON, MAN, DO– LISTEN, LISTEN. NO, NO. NO, I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT, OKAY? I DID IT!

I DID IT, I LEFT THE CAR! I LEFT FOR THREE MINUTES! SO PLEASE DON’T DO ANYTHING WITH THE STRAW! WHY AREN’T YOU STOPPING? FINE! FINE! AAH! [screams] AAH! MAN! OKAY, MAN! HA, HA! I BEAT YOU TO IT! OKAY? I GOT YOUR POINT, ALL RIGHT, MAN? HA! OH, MAN, THAT’S A BITCH! [muffled screaming]

[beeping] – WILL WE BE HAVING ANY MORE PROBLEMS OUT OF HIM, SIR? – [tiny voice] NO. – YEAH. THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT.

source