WELCOME TO THE SHOW, EVERYBODY. I AM KEEGAN. – I AM JORDAN. – AND THIS IS KEY & PEELE. THANK YOU, YES. THANK YOU. [cheers and applause] JORDAN AND I ARE– WE’RE BIRACIAL. – YES, HALF BLACK, HALF WHITE. – AND BECAUSE OF THAT, WE FIND OURSELVES PARTICULARLY ADEPT AT LYING.
BECAUSE ON A DAILY BASIS WE HAVE TO ADJUST OUR BLACKNESS. – YES. – YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? – OH, NO, THERE’S MANY REASONS WE DO THAT. – YEAH. – I MEAN, TO TERRIFY WHITE PEOPLE. – YES, THAT’S ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS. ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS, YEAH.
– BECAUSE, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WITH THE WAY THAT WE SOUND, THE WAY THAT WE ACTUALLY TALK, WE’RE NOT INTIMIDATING ANYBODY WITH THE WAY WE SOUND. – OH, NO, NO, NO. – WE SOUND VERY WHITE. – WE SOUND WHITER THAN THE BLACK DUDE IN THE COLLEGE A CAPPELLA GROUP.
– YES, WE SOUND WHITER THAN MITT ROMNEY IN A SNOWSTORM. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? BUT THAT’S JUST– THAT’S ONE OF– THAT’S THE REASON WHEN WE’RE AROUND OTHER BROTHERS AND SISTERS, YOU WILL SEE US– YOU GOT TO JUST– – YOU KNOW, YOU GOT TO DIAL IT UP A LITTLE BIT.
– YOU GOT TO DIAL IT UP. OH, SEE, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT, BROTHER. – OH, YOU KNOW I KNOW WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT, RIGHT? – YOU KNOW I KNOW YOU KNOW– – YOU KNOW I KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW I KNOW WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT.
NO DOUBT, MAN. NO DOUBT, NO DOUBT, NO DOUBT NO DOUBT, NO DOUBT, NO DOUBT, NO DOUBT, NO DOUBT, NO DOUBT. – BECAUSE YOU NEVER WANT TO BE THE WHITEST SOUNDING BLACK GUY IN A ROOM. – YOU PUT FIVE WHITE-TALKING BLACK GUYS IN THE SAME ROOM,
YOU COME BACK IN A HOUR, IT’S GOING LIKE LADYSMITH BLACK MAMBAZO UP IN THERE. – STRAIGHT UP. [imitating chanting]
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