Foreign Yeah Hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of the male perspective I’m your host Lana Reed and today today I am so blessed so humbled I have another opportunity to speak to a wonderful and amazing brother of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Incorporated uh I have the president of
Beta Delta Lambda out in Daytona Dr Chester Wilson um and we’re going to get into uh the wonderful work that he is doing outside of the fraternity which just shows just how amazing these brothers are not only do they work do the work in the fraternity but they do it outside in
Their business personal life and everything we’re just we’re just going to just talk about how amazing he is but first and foremost as I always do I take a quick moment to pause say thank you to you for making time for me today time is
A gift once we give it we can’t get it back so Dr Wilson I truly appreciate you making time to sit down and chat with me and with that sir welcome welcome to the show thank you thank you for having me I really appreciate it I appreciate you so
What I want you to do is sit there and be humble humble I’m going to just run down some of the awesome and amazing uh that you are and then I’m going to start to be pesky and ask you some questions but first and foremost I want I want to
Share with everybody how amazing you are and I pulled this from your website and everybody this is just part of the resume this is just part of the world right here so Dr Wilson is a licensed private security officer and instructor licensed private investigator certified addictions professional International certified drug and alcohol counselor
Certified CPR aeb and first aid instructor certified Florida Supreme Court Family mediator and primary trainer certified Florida Supreme Court County mediator and primary trainer wow certified Florida Court surgeon mediator and assistant trainer certified notary public certified health care risk manager certified mental health professional certified moral reconnaissance therapist certified hip
HIV hepatitis tester an educator certified in diversity equity and inclusion and it goes on and on and on if I had one of those uh Tech things that were to hand clap to it I would do it right now but I ain’t got my technology up the par yet but Kudos and
Claps and all of that and in addition sir you are a father and a husband of how many years uh 23. awesome amazing amazing amazing amazing well as I read off just part of the resume sir um it’s very clear that your plate is full yes okay that’s true and
Um as we start today I’ve had some conversations over the course of my life and I’m pretty sure you have to where we run into people who say things like um you know I would go back to school but you know my schedule you know my work
Schedule is this or I would start this business but you know I gotta wait until you know this gets right um you know since you’ve managed to accomplish so much what do you say to people who just Kate seemed to get out the gate when it comes to achieving
These things that they say they want to achieve however we start first by telling people to use what’s in your hand if you use what’s in your hand then it won’t come hard to you all of us have these innate gifts that we have and it’s up to us and
Whether we use those or whether we squander those when it comes to actually doing it uh oftentimes people say well it seems like you do the most or you’re always doing something uh I oftentimes tell people that time is going to be spent doing something it’s just a matter
Of what you actually choose to do with that time uh I have the opportunity um probably you know in addition to all the other stuff that you said uh which is just a website um I spend my time running two businesses I have a healthcare facility and then I also have the training
Facility and I tell people like this I’m going to make it my business to learn and do something every year in fact I coined myself as a life learner so that’s why you see all of that stuff is that I’m going to try to do something to
One-up myself every year and the way that I look at it is I’m going to turn one year older anyway so I might as well do something or achieve something with that 365 days as opposed to allowing that 365 days to come and then I’m sitting in the same
Place I was when you found me last year amen amen awesome I love it yeah because so many people just struggle to kind of take that first step and get updated and I guess some of it might be fear but you know I think when we have examples like
Dr Wilson you know it might give us the push that we need um I want to uh because I do have short amount of time I want to start talking about uh your consulting firm CW consulting firm and some of the work that you do there
Um one of the things that you do as I mentioned in the opening is these the uh license arm security officer training yes and if I read correctly you are also in addition to that you’re in the education environment you’re in a classroom some or you have been I I
Taught uh college for 14 years and now I’m teaching at that adjunct sometimes so I taught criminal justice okay all right okay okay so I got some conversation today so I want to kind of kind of piece those two together real quick and talk about an issue that we have going on currently
In society and this issue of um safe gun control which you teach with the um security officer training and um this issue of the more the increased prevalence of guns in our our educational environments I just recently uh about a month ago we saw where the six-year-old got his mother’s gun in
Virginia and brought it to school and shot the teacher um I I don’t know if you have any thoughts or like because I guess we’re all kind of confused that’s how we got here but you know how do we start this process of making School settings not only
Um safe uh for the individual but psychologically safe for students and teachers and school support staff because you know I’m maybe I’m wrong but I think a a kindergarten shouldn’t have to worry while they’re trying to learn their ABCs and colors they shouldn’t have to worry about whether or not
They’re going to get shot that day so where do we take a left turn do you have it well you know here’s how I look at it if you think about it the time at least when I went to school the the fun part that we had was going to school and
Preparing for a hurricane drill or some other get on this yes yeah some kind of you know Mother Nature drill that would cause us to prepare and now we’re talking about elementary school kids who are preparing for active shooter drill something has to be wrong with that in
Our society where we have to condition our children our babies in elementary school to respond to an active shooter and what we choose to do as adults and I I did a podcast segment where I said this on my podcast is we choose to argue about
You know the merits of it and and whether the gun uh was warranted or whether the person has uh the right to have a gun we choose to argue about that while our babies are continually dying so what is showing our children is is that our parents can’t get this right
Our parents cannot make decisions in terms of what’s in our best interest instead they choose to argue about it meanwhile another school is getting shot up again um the reality is is that you’re talking about a six-year-old with a gun you know as a as a mental health professional as
A behavioral health professional um one of the questions that we ask ourselves is um what drove a six-year-old to get a gun and then the access to that gun you know generally when you talk about sixth grade being in kindergarten and going to first grade we’re so in love with our
Teacher we’re looking for treasure box we’re looking for little toys we’re looking for nap time all of these things where a six-year-old generally is usually in love with their their teacher you know my teachers said my teacher did this but now we’re talking about a six-year-old who had access to a gun and
Was mad enough if you think about this something must have transpired earlier where he was bad enough to go home and get that gun but stay mad enough to bring that gun to school the following day something has to be it has to be fundamentally wrong there
Um and then for a six-year-old to think about so that says that something had to be going on in the house because for a six-year-old to think about that I’m mad with my teacher if that was the case I don’t know but if a six year was
Thinking a man with my teacher their first recourse is to go get a gun something we’re doing wrong with rearing our kids yeah you know and we’re finding ourselves in a situation where it’s not safe I was in a college classroom for 14 years and still continue to teach as an
Adjunct today and it’s a shame when we have to lock our classroom door or we get a look of fear when someone walks in our classroom who is not supposed to be there or unknown or unfamiliar to us so even to the student they cannot be a regular student on college campus and
Wander in the wrong classroom without us having a reaction thinking that we may be getting ready to be shot at any at any point in time or that I don’t feel safe enough to watch walk the grounds of the college campus think about when we were in school
The quad was the like walking through the campus you can’t do that we can’t go to a school event without thinking about getting shot up we can’t even go to Walmart without even thinking about getting shot and so we’ll find ourselves in this position while people are arguing and oftentimes the people that
Are arguing are people who are not living in our communities or living in our streets we don’t have access to those people we have to get through Gates and other stuff to get access to those people but they are allowing us who live here and do these things every
Day to be shot up and their only thing is that they can argue about the resolution instead of providing one that’s true and you know building on on something you said you know the kids are watching the parents the adults bicker about this concept and I’m thinking the
Mental images you don’t even care enough about me as a child your child your children to say I’m going to take this definite step for your safety your overall will be I mean that that subliminal message has to be speaking volumes to the children I mean it’s just it’s so heart-wrenching so
Heart-wrenching right we have people who are making decisions for us who probably won’t even be around in the next 10 or 20 years but they’re telling us they know what’s best for us you know times change Generations change you know we’re not the same kids that our parents were
When they were our age you know so things change but we’re not including the people who are actually living the life we’re just saying that we know what’s best for people which is one of the most dangerous things that we talk about anyway when you know what’s best
For somebody instead of including them and and you’re not living in the world that they have to live in day to day you don’t have to get into you know I I did some um work years ago with uh some kids in the projects in LA and they say they
Are suffering PTSD levels that officers in Afghan Afghanistan and Iraq and and these people that are sitting behind these gated areas can’t even comprehend that kind of mentality that these children have to live in so that’s good points good points now I want to move on because I have short time here
But um kind of building on that I saw on your uh your social media Instagram I think it was as I was being nosy getting ready for today I saw you um giving a a seminar a workshop for law enforcement A diversity equity and inclusion uh Workshop right so kind of
Filtering into what we were talking about there is uh Still A continuing problem issue where especially in communities of color uh our interactions with law enforcement don’t uh often end well and tend to be very deadly and it’s it’s a problem that we just kind of we
Continue to Circle back around over and over and over again and understandably everybody knows oh I hope everybody knows there’s no quick fix to the problem but because because you’re in it you’re you’re working in it on both sides um you know is the the major default in
The hiring process in the training process or the community is it something that we need to be doing where where where do we kind of get in here and double dutch in here and start to kind of pick this thing apart because it it has to stop it has to stop right
Right and and first of all I’m a father first of all I’m a black man then secondly I’m a father of a young black boy who’s now a man so um I get it from you know from both sides you know um I’ve been uh targeted of driving while
Black eating while black walking while black looking while black shopping by black I you know I’ve lived that life um and and certainly you know even having a young black son um who’s out there now you know you would think that you would have that time where you are so excited that your
16 year old son is driving but you’re excited for him but you’re terrified at the same time What could happen the reality is is that I’ve been fortunate enough to teach in the Law Enforcement Academy currently I I get to teach some of the civilian portions of the Volusia
County um Sheriff’s Law Enforcement Academy I’ve done training with the Daytona Beach law enforcement so I’ve had an opportunity to have my hands in it and I know a lot of people don’t have that uh you know that angle of it so what I find is is that you know um
Prior to getting into it I knew that we had a systemically broke system you know whereby um we had these issues and we see it all highlighted in the media and we have these personal experiences I thought that I could do one or two things I thought that either I could get out
There and yell and scream about what’s going on or I can position myself to make the most change um and when I uh what ended up happening was the sheriff uh the sheriff here um I started his own Academy he took it out of the college and so he started his
Own Academy and what he said was he was shopping for um individuals who would be impactful and making sure his officers were adequately trained before they were out on the streets and um I can remember um I was asked about the possibility of teaching for it and so I actually
Submitted for it and sitting down with the sheriff and his team and he told me um what I’m looking for you to do is not just teach a standard cookie cut curriculum but what I want you to do is develop something where when my officers
Get out of there they know that they can keep themselves out of trouble and that they would make the right decisions based on the training that they received and so I get to go in and teach mental health and substance use for law enforcement officers diversity equity and inclusion and
Um one of the things that I tell officers is don’t become the next national media story and we go through a lot of um accidents where officers end up becoming the next national media story so I found myself in a position where um I didn’t like what happened to me as
A black male with my encounter with with a police officer uh so I positioned myself where I can make the most impact which means that every officer that comes through there has to come through my class where I get to have a one-on-one put a face with it and and
Here’s one of the things that I like to say a lot about diversity Equity inclusion a lot of people like to go in there and just stuff you know things down your throat all of these things that happens what I found is that there’s a there’s a lady who was in my
Church who said taste the words that come out of your mouth before you spit them out and what I take from that is is that I try to deliver the material with Fidelity as best I can where they can receive it that it doesn’t turn into an argument it
Doesn’t turn into a dispute but that we can have a conversation about it so that you really understand the impact of the decision making that not only will um rest with that individual you come in contact with but what that would do for you and your family as well because at
The end of the day we have a systemic issue that’s going on no one can no one can argue that but then the other side to that is is that based on your decisions Mr Officer you also tear up a family over here which is your family
And so I think that we have to continually start at the top um where we have to continue training we have to continue making it um uh uh part of the infrastructure of training where officers receive it they understand it and that when they get out there they’re cognizant of the decisions
That they’re making and understand that when you come in contact with this black male they are inherently fearful for a reason so how you handle that is very important because if not your life is going it’s not like you get to walk away from it your life is going to be
Impacted by that as well as the person that um that that’s involved in it let me let me ask uh this I I just never thought about this before in your training of the officers that you’ve come in contact with prior to the academy uh had they had much interaction contact
With communities of color or is the whole dynamic new for the majority of them well some some have some have and and from my experience of talking to them some have come in contact okay um and and some have only come in contact through the course of the job uh and for
Some especially younger officers they may have never had that contact uh and so you know this is a new experience for some people in terms of how people not only perceive Law Enforcement Officers but how you it makes you check yourself as an individual because we have
Inherent biases based on how we were raised you know and so we walk into a job with those preconceived notions about how things ought to be or how they are or how they were and we make decisions based off of that so it is vital that we check ourselves to ensure
That when we get out there we treat every person with dignity and respect dignity and respect yeah I had to talk to a young person who just took off running and the officers were like why did you take off music I know that’s all
I know I mean it’s just it just it just instinctive in me yeah fight or fly I didn’t I didn’t do anything wrong but it was just my instinct to run because I saw you and and law enforcement sometimes doesn’t understand that but you know it’s just it’s just decades and
Decades of weight that we’re carrying that you know you know it’s good that you have that I have a student who actually came to me after it um after that he was in a restaurant ordering food and uh officers came in and started having a panic attack and he just took
Off running knocking over stuff and of course they ran after him because they thought something was going on yeah and it turned out to be a terrible situation luckily he didn’t lose his life uh but it was his reaction to seeing police officers given his experience with them and he just
Couldn’t find himself in the same room yeah you know I always say this I and I’m like a broken record but people don’t really understand the widespread mental health the black community needs and just our everyday just to wake up and get out the front door and get back
Home some of the things that we deal with that we really need therapy for you know because that shouldn’t be your trigger to see law enforcement protect and serve and like I gotta I gotta go run I gotta take off you know but well what happens in this case is and I share
This because I have students you know as I said I taught criminal justice so I have a large number of students who went on to be law enforcement officers and one of the things that oftentimes share with them is is that we’re going to give you power
The state is going to give you power the world is going to give you power but the reality is is that most times there’s nobody there to teach you about how to use that power so we’re going to give you a gun we’re going to give you a card
We’re going to give you a badge which is the ultimate sign of power within our community we cannot be doing anything wrong and when we see a police officer we automatically slam on breaks because because of the power and the authority that they have they get to walk around
With guns power and authority they have the power to arrest us to detain us power and authority so we’re going to give you that power and authority but we’re not going to teach you how to use that and so when they walk out of my class it is very important that they
Understand that you’re going to get this power but if you do not know how to use it that same power could one day be used against you and it’s you you hit on therapy and as you know I have a Behavioral Health Organization so um my Behavioral Health Organization unfortunately this is what
We see we have one right in our community but we are still yet reluctant to get therapy because um we perceive it as bad we go to Grandma and Grandpa we go to our pastor um it’s still taboo even in 2023 we still have where people are afraid to
Get therapy one of the signature trainings that I do within my um uh organization is mental health and African-American Community because it is important for me to help them to understand that it’s okay to ask for help and it’s also okay to accept him yeah yeah you know we have this stigma
And then you know a lot of the black community is so strongly rooted in the church and sometimes we struggle with how to balance that out uh you know Christian folks don’t like to go to therapy and you know they say it’s wrong but you know you can combine and pack
The two together and you know and it’s just a struggle that we’re but we’re coming in 2023 more and more black folks are becoming more open to mental health and seeking Services they’re understanding their Grandma’s table and a slice of Pound Cake is not really cutting it well if you think about this
We go to church we have our pastor but if we had cancer we’d go to the doctor right it’s no different than getting a therapist if you can still have Jesus and a doctor for cancer you can still have Jesus in a therapy that’s right that is right you need somebody trained
To to help you pick through some because we have generational stuff that we just really need to unpack and and that takes professional training it takes some profession let me let me build on something real quick uh because I do want to make sure I get this in and I’m
Going to sidebar but then I’m gonna swing back that’s okay so as I was looking at one of the videos um I saw that you mentioned that your start you grew up in public housing right did I read that question okay and I always like to um
Take a moment to glean and pick the brains of people that I see that have this start but take it to the next level take it to the next level and just you know achieve achieve achieve because sometimes we don’t always see that and I
Always like to ask what was it for you because my hope is that we find the magic potion and put it in a bottle and we’re able to pass this out at the barbecue while we’re doing the Electric Slide because I want to see it more
Often right right what is it for you that allowed you to do that um because sometimes we do see Generations after Generations people staying stuck in the same place so how did you do it well I knew that I wanted more and I knew that in the environment I was in I
Would never be able to reach and to get more my mom was a CNA my dad was a garbage truck driver and they raised six kids and did a darn good job raising six kids but as I grew I realized that that my desire for more and it wasn’t just
Money and wealth but it was that I wanted to have a better quality of life uh uh not being raised in the hood uh that growing up in the environment in which I was in I wanted better I wanted access to better I wanted to be around
People who quote unquote made it and so there was a there was an intrinsic motivation an intrinsic drive a desire to want more for myself and I don’t know why God chose me but I’m just grateful that he did that he put a a burning seed
In me to want to do more want to be more and it wasn’t even just about elevating myself it was about being able to be a resource to other people and God did just that for me where he allowed me to be a resource I oftentimes tell my wife
Uh I can be the person that needs but yet God allowed me to be the person that people come to to seek it by and ask for things so I don’t take that lightly in in any form however I do know that the goals that I have for my life
Um they’re far beyond just materialistic things I want to get everything that God has for me I want to be able to be a blessing to other people I want to be able to give back to my community I want to be able to give my children the best
Life possible I want to be the best husband to my wife um so there’s so much of me that I want to give so that I can die empty I want to give it all out before I lay down and die I don’t want to take anything back
With me I don’t want to squander anything I don’t want to reserve anything I really want to give it all out in this one life that I’ve been given and in order to do that I had to go beyond that hood that I that I grew
Up in which caused me to leave some people behind make some hard decisions but here’s the thing I didn’t forget those people I oftentimes go back and say hey here’s some trainings that I’m providing here’s an opportunity for you to get yourself up and get yourself
Together so for me it was I went out and learned and got these things but all God also allowed me to be a resource so that I could go back and reach for my brother and sister and bring them up awesome awesome and and in there I heard you
Know that that key element you have to warn it you just you something deep you just have to you have to warn it and I guess that’s the first key there to get that push and that Propel going yeah I like I said I always like to ask
Because I’m just hoping that we find the magic potion you know because uh everybody has it in them like you said we’re supposed to leave here empty and some of us don’t do that you know the um my pastor says that the graveyard is the uh the place of the biggest portion of
Talent so you know and I don’t want to find mine there and I I want to be able to give it out so I really don’t want to find it there there you go well let me Circle back to to CW Consulting um let me Circle back because I want to get it
All in as much as I can so one of the things you offer at CW Consulting is mediation services and you are a husband of over two decades now right yes the married by high school sweetheart awesome just like my parents um but I’m pretty sure in the mediation services you’ve seen
A variety of things in your in your 20 years you’ve seen a marriage you’ve seen a variety of things okay so um with that experience and knowledge what would you say to a couple before it gets to mediation what what suggestions or advice would you you tell them as a
Husband of 20 years and as a mediator what would you advice would you give them before we take this step and go down to this courthouse and file these papers I always ask people and I and actually I teach these principles in my mediation training especially when it comes to
Family is figure out what do you want okay if this marriage is worth fighting for use everything within you but also understand what mediation is because mediation is not just used at the end of the marriage it’s also used in the marriage and is it important to you to win
Because if it’s important to you to win you’ve lost your marriage yeah you know a lot of things that my wife and I have discussions about or even disagreements about um she never know whether I did it agreed with it or whatever or not because it’s not about the win to me
It’s I think about it is what do I need to get past this situation and not just sweeping it on the rug but is it important enough to spend our time arguing about something that’s insignificant that we won’t remember two years from now or can we just get to the
Point of it you know a little self-disclosure I said to my wife before what is it that you want just tell me what it is that you need because arguing about it whatever I did or whatever I said obviously is not going to change so
What do we need to do to move forward get past this point and that’s what it becomes you know you’re going to lose something in mediation and I’d rather us lose it as we are working to build and when I say lose it I use that Loosely and that is just that
I may not have my way I may not get what I want in this situation so how do I continue to move forward because in mediation here’s the thing you’re going to come to the table and you’re going to say my marriage is dissolving we’re
Going to try to get you to a position where you feel good at least walking away but if you cannot come to an agreement there’s a judge that’s sitting on the bench who’s going to make the decision of what they believe is in your best interest so what your marriage has
Been reduced to is a stranger telling you how to separate your life that’s more insulting to me than us breaking up yeah that some stranger had to come tell me how to separate my life so I would like to encourage couples that sit down and figure out what it is
That you really want and also let some weeds grow between the argument it’s okay to say I’m not prepared to discuss that right now right now give me a moment give me a moment just hey give me some time until I can intelligently have this conversation without us getting
Into an argument about it because feelings are real they are real people getting their feelings and they say things because it’s that that need to win that need to argue and it’s just like in communication when people are arguing most times they’re arguing um to get their point across and they’re
Only listening in order to respond and say what they to one-up you but nobody’s really listening to understand each other because if you’re listening to understand each other then you would understand that a person is saying I understand that you’re asking for that but that’s not what I can give I don’t
Know how to give that so your need to belittle me is belittling me because I don’t know how to do something I don’t know how to give that and we might not even get to that point of mediation if we you know practice listening to understand you know it’s
Just it’s so amazing to me um how these situations become so toxic and I’m like you guys were so in love like two years ago why are we like to the point where you’re trying to slash each other’s tires how do we how do we get here it’s just always so perplexing
To me but you know it’s that emotion and you’re not listening you’re not you’re just you’re just not listening so right no no ability to be able to resolve your problems and and for me most mediations here’s the crazy thing most mediations are done two and a half to three hours so your
Entire life is wrapped up to dissolving in two and a half to three hours wow because I’m not talking about all of your arguing or going back and forth before you make it there run into the courthouse having meetings and that I’m talking about actually sitting in the
Room to dissolve your marriage and whoever thought that I would be a person who would be signing a a document that goes to the judge that says that this couple has agreed to dissolve their marriage and my name is sitting on it today I was doing a mediation for the
Volusia County Courthouse for a child custody issue which we call time sharing and as they’re talking I’m like why does this this case sound so familiar to me and I as they were talking I went back in my files and I said oh my God I was the mediator for dissolving their
Marriage and now they’re bad fighting over the kids they just don’t stop they just don’t stop it doesn’t nobody no one’s learned from it and what what that shows is is that my parents couldn’t stay together and now they can’t even come together to do what’s in our best interest in
Fighting over us for the kids and here’s the reality let me let me sidebar for a minute you didn’t have those kids by yourself and one day you’re gonna be tired of those little kids so while I’m trying to keep them away from you listen
I’m gonna take care of all the help that I can get because my kids have been in the house with me since day one I have raised them they have never they’ve they’ve never been somewhere else and guess what the reality is I get exhausted I get tired so it takes my
Wife and I both of us yeah and then you and and now we have sponsors talking about you can’t see my kids listen the day is going to come [Laughter] listen and and you know what intrigues me about it is when people say uh they can’t raise my kids they’re not
Responsible but y’all been married and you were living in a house together that was responsible when y’all were together so today he’s not qualified to raise him are you kidding me really think about what you’re saying think about what you’re saying oh and which means that you should be qualified
To raise them because you made a bad decision and who who you who your co-parents thank you thank you it reminds me of a social media post and I I love my my folks and sometimes I just have to shake my head but what she was
Saying I wish I wish you could choose your baby daddy and I was like well uh um How do I how do I respond that’s why you say you know what I’m not even gonna respond to this because you know what if you just think if this is the way that you think
This is what’s wrong with our country that’s why you had a problem Baby it’s my PO baby anyway I’ve seen so many cases yeah I was talking with a judge before I left and I was just like I mean the cases are so bizarre because you’re like maybe it’s me it’s not them it’s something wrong with me it’s me you know
And they get so you know nitpicky about you know well that container of milk is mine I’m like really you need divorce settlement I was uh agreement that I was writing up um you know one wife said I needed the white pot set you know or the white sofa
The husband said Well if you get the white pot set I get the blue pot set I’ve seen so much and oh the record the antique records that was one because they used to go to the um thrift store shopping for antique records and they held up my mediation over those darn records
But it gets so petty in that room Petty for two people who just were so in love and most of it is just probably junk you know just ego and you know anyways let me ask you this then building on that as a husband as a
Mediator and all of that stuff if you had a young man sitting in front of you who’s about to embark on marriage what personal work would you suggest you know what place of mind would he be in in this journey of being somebody’s partner being somebody’s husband what would you
Kind of say look have this together first before you even think about this to me it starts with the mindset I got married and I got married right after high school a year after high school you know I was 20 years old when I got married okay and um 23 years later I
Think it starts with the mindset do you want this and are you prepared for everything that comes with this because it’s no more just you and I and for my wife and I we had to learn a lot of that together because we made a decision to
Get married early on so you know we’ve supported each other through the death of grandparents uh the 20 year old that I was when I got married is not 43 year old Chester today um I’ve changed my interests have changed what I like has changed I don’t
Even eat the same Foods anymore that I ate when we first got married so talk about my wife trying to cook and my taste buds are changing even as much as yesterday I was like I don’t even like that anymore you know so you know I I
Can remember the day I came to myself and I was like somebody was trying to give me spaghetti and I was like just please don’t whatever you do and then I realized I don’t even really like red pasta anymore so you know red sauce you know I so 20
Year old Chester is very different from 43 year old Chester and so you’ve got to really know yourself and you’ve gotta I I would tell that young person when you understand yourself and understand that you will go through a development phase then you would be cognitive cognitive and sensitive to
Your spouse going through that development phase you will grow together you will be able to have conversations about it you know just like I I’ve said to my wife before if you’re expecting me to do what that person does that’s not me this is who I am you know so uh
Either we can learn to live with this I can try to do better but innately I’m not going to try to be somebody else that I’m not you know so having those conversations with a young person to really get them to understand the magnitude of what they’re walking into
It’s no more I when you walk into this because now you’re responsible for another person and if you have children now you’re responsible for other people so it is important to understand that as you matriculate into a married life you are changing the eye for we all day long
Even if you want that sports car what’s in the best just on the family at this time it may not be time to get that right now even if I didn’t like my job because I got people depending on me I got to get up and go to work every day
Until I get a better job I can’t just leave and figure it out so the selfish the decision making I find is really at the core of every marriage it is in how a person thinks because and how they think that’s how they’ll behave and what
They’ll do that’s true and you know I think a lot of these younger folks I see they don’t understand that people are constantly growing constantly changing so this person that you get now is not going to be this person that you see in three years and and then they want to be
Happy all the time and you know like marriage is like you look at you look at your spouse some days be like you know what okay I give it I love you but you know what I don’t really like it right now and we have to push through this you
Know but you know I I don’t know what you know some days I just want to come home and lay on the sofa I don’t really want to talk I don’t anymore you know that that’s those true moments some days I just want to be left alone yeah that’s
Those true and transparent moments and here’s another thing that I tell people especially when you’re talking about relationships who I am not who I was then that’s not who I am now but also the person who you started dating is not the person who you married the person
Who you started dating is not even the person who you break up with definitely the person who you marry is not the person who you’re divorced so we all go through all of these changes it is how we navigate those changes and how we communicate with each other when we are
Experiencing those changes yeah true true now that kind of Builds on something I heard you talk about because you have your own podcast I think I heard you mention it earlier but um you were talking about one of the uh things and I was like yes because I hear
These people saying it today and I think it’s so dysfunctional um about people kind of are um you know it’s just me a team of one and I don’t need nobody and I got this and and you were talking about that and I’m like well we’re we’re not even
As human beings we’re not even designed to walk through this world so long and and and you know I I just I I if I could get you to speak to that one more time because I was like yes somebody else I’m not alone oh my God and the reality is
I don’t know where people get that from the reality is you’re going to need someone yeah and for all these people that claim to be Christians the Bible speaks of friends it talks about friends all the time gathered and a friend that sticks closer than a brother those who
Want friends must show themselves friendly thank you there’s so many references to friends and I don’t know and and then this the statement that my people picked up on when they say I keep my circle so small you know and they can fit on a short bus and all that
Who came up with this dumb stuff and thought that they were saying something prolific the reality is is if you keep your circle small that’s why some of you all are still in the same position you read thank you thank you you know if Jesus looked at me and saw me as a
Wretch undone and still call me friend you mean to tell me I can’t exhibit that to someone else there you go so we get into this thing where people say I keep my circle small and what I say to that is you keep your circle small because those two people you have
In your circle they could become unavailable and then who are you gonna call thank you I try to cast my net as wide as I can it doesn’t mean that I have to carry you in the bosom of my heart but my job is to create a friendly
Environment to make you feel like a person so that when I call you you will feel good about responding to me based on our interactions based on our relationship but those two people who are called my ride or die it is very possible and probable that those two
People may not be able to respond to me or most times the friends that are around us have the same limitations that we have so they can’t respond to your needs that’s right and if if your friends are in the same position as you I can listen you show me your friends
And I’ll show you your future that’s right that’s right I just I I get beside myself when I hear people talking about I keep my circle small mother believe large enlarge my territory enlarge my friendship enlarge my circle but here’s the thing give me the wisdom to be able to discern those
People who are not good for me who do not have my best interest at heart but don’t let me get into this shallow mindset that I don’t need people because I understand I need people and here’s the thing you needing people don’t only rest with you I have two children out
There and those children may be away from me that I can’t get to them and so I’m going to need someone to stand proxy to get to those children until Dad can make it there so if this is just about me in this small circle what about my
Two children who are getting ready to walk into a whole different world where Dad is not going to be walking beside them good point good point that part that part it’s just so expansive I mean you know what you mentioned and a lot of times you you tend to box yourself in
With people two or three people who think like you so then you don’t have a diverse mindset your opportunities your you know your comfort zone is just I don’t know I just I just never and I’m just walking around looking at people like okay maybe I’m someplace else maybe
It’s me you know what I’m like that that’s not healthy but and when I heard you say that I said oh somebody else okay fine to me it just still kind of reminds me of poverty level thinking yes you’re you’re stuck in a mindset and and also
Because people say words that sound good or feel good to them they pick up on them and and it becomes life to them but you’ve got to be careful what you ingest that’s right you have to be careful what you take in because that thing will sit
In your spirit and then you will wonder why you have an inability to move because you’ve sat on words that have seeped into your life and has taken over yes indeed you know you just you know because I was having a conversation with a family member here and hopefully they don’t listen [Laughter]
Diabetes you know and I was like no everybody in our family eats those things that gives us high blood pressure but right it’s a matter of who you surround yourself with to give you new information give you new knowledge and new understanding and if you’re a you
Know team of one or team of two you know you just stay stuck you know and it’s and that was just a small example to me like you got to get out here and get around some other people some other thought processes you know if you keep
Yourself small if you keep us your thoughts will be small but yeah it reminds me of we often my wife and us uh we’re oftentimes going out to dinner with other couples who have a lot of other couple friends and those couple friends aren’t necessarily the people we
Hang out with every day who we talk to every day or even talk to regularly but we can have regular day couple date nights where we go out and we uh break bread and have good conversations and it’s always a learning experience being around other people who don’t think like
You who don’t do things like you because you’re able now to collect a lot of information and then sift through it and determine what is best for you yeah I like that part some things I would have never been introduced to had I not met other people
Because in this house we’re all used to living the same way but imagine someone else saying well you can stay true to your foundation but here’s some other things that you can do yeah that part that part well sir I think I’ve taken up more than your 30 minutes
Oh I got one more question if you bear with me I got one more question because I’m having a good time talking to you um thank you um you’re in Florida yes the world’s most famous Beach uh and um you’re and I say that because I love the
Beaches and beliefs not in there but anyways your um your Governor at this time is a very uh interesting man let me say that he’s very interesting laughs very interesting man uh he currently is taking up issue with black history classes so as an educator and as an educator in
A very diverse demographic environment and let me say I’m I’m biased and I’m I’m I’m not ashamed about it I am biased but I’m open to input as an educator in a diverse demographic is it beneficial or is it not beneficial to have black history classes in classroom settings well here’s the thing
This thing first started off when he got an office talking about uh critical race Theory or what we call CRT I would I and in my 14 years of teaching college I also taught research methodologies and we use critical race theory in higher education mostly in research so
So to ban that in elementary I don’t know what elementary school student is studying critical race Theory not at all most times it’s used as a theoretical model to support a research perspective so I mean it’s almost laughable that people are arguing that he’s taking critical
Race Theory out of school so what they don’t even use it I was there anyways right it was never there so now we’ve gone on and he’s now targeting um African-American studies and you know especially in advanced courses when you talk about AP courses you know
Essentially what he said is is that your history is not important to a specific group and what’s interesting about that is is that he says African-American history is not important he didn’t say that for any other race or nationality or even immigrants that are here in the United
States only to African Americans and what you’re saying is is that all of what African Americans have done including build this country thank you including all of the inventions that’s come all of the first and everything that we’ve done is not important um it is amazing that people support
That even just from that perspective is that you’re saying a group of people you know I always say this when I’m teaching diversity when people are telling you when African-American men are telling you we’re dying at the hands of police what you come and say is you must be
Doing something wrong or you counter that and say well white men are dying that’s not what I’m talking about that’s no different than if I tell you uh my house is on fire and you tell me what three other houses are on fire the crisis is in my house and what we’re
Saying is there’s a crisis in the African-American community and what you’re doing is either you’re justifying rationalizing or minimizing the effect in the African-American Community or you’re totally disregarding us as a people and that’s what we’re facing right now so the argument I can’t even be mad with him because there’s
Ignorant people that are out there and ignorant people will do what ignorant people will do the devil will do what the devil will do yes he’s roaming and so I can’t even be mad with him what I’m mad with is the people who are flaming and giving gas to this
Situation instead of standing up saying regardless of how you feel about it there’s a set of people who are being affected by this true and that’s just like you know I went to Bethune-Cookman University okay so I am a die-hard wildcat I believe if you cut me I bleed
I don’t know how I can bleed maroon and gold and black and old gold if you make it work you make it work some kind of way I think it comes out of two different things so what you’re telling me is is that Dr Mary McLeod Bethune who made her way to
Daytona Beach who built the School on the city’s dump with a dollar and fifty cent you’re telling me that that history is not important you’re telling me that hbcus are not important when at one point African Americans couldn’t couldn’t get into pwis goodness you’re telling me the Underground Railroad is not important
The list can go on I don’t even want to be on a soap box but that’s even uh not to cut you out Florida has the first African-American settlement or city or something like Florida’s history African-American history is rich in vibrant for that to be a state where you
Have a governor that just wants to kind of Justice it Dr Mary McLeod Bethune is the first person in Statuary Hall in D.C the first African-American in and you say African-American history is not important like how did you even wake up in the morning to have that call
That’s my grandmother saying fix your mouth it makes no sense and then we have people who are perpetuating that who are adding on to that you know that’s that’s the part that’s more disturbing yes that you have this group you know uh what’s the term flying monkeys that are just
Following behind you know just following suit because it sounds good to their Engineers um crazy well so I’m gonna have to wrap this up you know we can we could probably talk for another two hours because we got stuff to talk about so I I um I do my random question and then
I’m gonna ask you to share how we connect with the con do you only uh consult in Florida well I guess with some of the certified licensing stuff we can only do that with the trainings I train in Florida because a lot of them are Florida license
Um but I do seminars and conferences uh I am a speaker so that goes beyond the walls of Florida and I’ve been fortunate enough to travel to States uh being able to share uh the information that I’ve learned and acquired along the way and before I ask my random question uh your
Particular chapter has been around for how long well 1927. oh boy so y’all look because 1906 1927 okay so y’all came out okay let me ask my random question and I’m gonna ask you to tell how we connect with you oh wait a minute I got one question first before this one
Okay one before this one if your wife was here if your wife is here right now because you are such a driven and ambitious man what advice would she give to other women when it comes to having a partner who’s so driven and ambitious what would she say
Um I think that she probably would educate them and understanding uh the person that you’re married to and I say that it’s because I don’t think I think as we grew we didn’t really understand each other and I think we had to again we both grew into
Different people and I think that that’s what she would tell them is I’ve had to figure this man out he’s saying that as nicely as possible all right now my random questions and let me make one correction I said in 1927 it’s 1937. 37. okay y’all still been around for a minute y’all
From nothing my grandfather wasn’t even around [Laughter] no okay okay so here’s my random question if you’re a waiter or waitress was a total jerk do you still leave a tip um because sometimes the encounter is not about what has happened to you but it’s about your responsibility to sow
Into someone else we don’t know what um happened to that person before they got to work but your kind gesture could turn that world upside down you know they could have just gotten divorced they could have just had a fight with their spouse the kid could be running
Away and anything could set them off why because I’m human and I have real human feelings and emotions but your response to my um Behavior could be a world of difference and in fact your response can make me sit down and tell you what’s going on because I needed to hear what
You had to say in that moment truly truly always a servant always looking for that place where you can serve you you and the men of our profile for you guys are just some phenomenal examples to this world charges I just I just I’m just so amazing so awesome I’m so
Humbled that um you have given me this opportunity this time I’m just so thankful for not only the work that you do but your fellow brothers too I’m just Kudos your wife she picked a good one um thank you so hopefully she can hear this you know and so those times you
Know she gets upset with you you can pull out that car say look she says we got a good one so there we go I appreciate that I I have I have the best I want that’s right that’s right it’s a partnership it’s a partnership yeah
Well sir tell us how we connect with you you said you do speaking and everything we got the podcast uh tell us how we uh listen in and how that comes up so just give us the whole Lowdown yes I have a podcast Dr Wilson speaks you can find me
Streaming on all platforms um I’d love to have you follow also my website is cwconsultingfirm.com or you can reach out to me directly via cell uh 386-299-0020 well sir just thank you for your time thank you for your service thank you for all you have done thank you for all you
Will do I’m expecting you know I’m gonna look up or this is 2023 I’m gonna look up in 2024 and this list is going to be doubled you know with everything I know you’re I know your son is like man I got following days
All of this I got to do all I got to do this times 10 you know the price is just getting started he will be finishing up his AAA degree I’m at Daytona State College this semester and uh hopefully maybe transitioning into my alma mater at Bethune-Cookman University okay
Awesome and and he’s already expressed interest in being an alpha man oh I think he believes he’s already won that’s all he knows all righty sir well I thank you for your time today and continued success continued blessings to you and the family thank you so much I appreciate
You for providing this opportunity that is all for this week’s episode of the male perspective I’m your host Lana Reed and I will see everybody next time
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