Please note that any opinion expressed on this show is my own opinion and does not reflect the opinion of my employer or any organization that I’m associated with or affiliated with for that matter I know that this world is a hard place off Baseline this world is an even
Harder place for a black male this world is an even even more harder place for a black gay male it’s perceived as me being hard but I don’t know if it’s hard I think I’m just being real hey kings and queens and everything in between welcome to this episode of a sip with
Samad podcast and I’m your host Samad let’s jump in hey everybody welcome back to this episode of a sip with some mod podcast I’m really really excited of course I’m excited every week uh to be here today on this particular show so we actually have a special guest and so I
Don’t want to go too far in on the special guests but I will open up with what I’m drinking today and so keeping with the theme of sort of fall type drinks I’m actually drinking a spiced sangria uh you heard the rolling of my RS I was bringing in my Spanish lessons
That I’ve been taking so I’m drinking a spice sangria and it is actually made with uh wine Fireball whiskey some fruit and a little ice it’s a very simple drink if you want to make it at home it’s actually a cup of Fireball whiskey
To a bottle of red wine you can use a sangria wine or you can use a special type of wine that’s your favorite don’t get an expensive wine for a sangria that’s just a waste of money I use I think it’s 21 crimes the Snoop Dog version because I support everything
Black um but I just wanted to let you know you can do this at home as well uh this is my drink so I’m going to show it to the people who are watching on YouTube and if you’re not watching on YouTube please feel free to subscribe on
YouTube um at AIP withm mod podcast and you can watch me or listen to me you can do both I prefer if you did both though but continue to like subscribe listen thank you for coming back and I’m G to take a sip on that let me see what it’s giving it’s
Definitely giving sangria and it got a little heat kick at the end of it you should definitely try it uh I’ll do the tutorial video I know I’ve been promising you all a couple of them I just have a job y’all that’s all I have a full-time job and I’m trying I’m
Doing the best I can here but nonetheless let me not go ahead and delay I want to now use this time to uh invite to the stage the Sip stage uh my morouse brother as well as my fraternity brother Brian Lee Shields to the show so everyone welcome him welcome Brian how
You doing hey yo I’m doing great I I I got a tell you your the velvetiness of your voice translates as well live as it does when I’m listening to it on the podcast so I am super thrilled to be here thank I don’t I’ve heard that
Before I don’t know what you all are hearing but I’ll take it um but no thank you I’m I’m glad we’ve been talking about this for a very long time uh in terms of getting together and just having this show and so just to give context uh everyone uh Brian actually
Has his own podcast you want to promote it Brian sure uh so the podcast is called self-made dad and in a quick summary it’s a place where I explore fatherhood the ideals and Notions that we may have inherited from our parents that may or may not be productive for us
To be parents of the future and where they are unuseful I get rid of them and where they are useful I try to enhance them and we make it a safe space for everybody to share comment vent laugh and work on all the stuff that’s fatherhood and it’s been a it’s been a
Fun experiment so far and you know I’m really excited to see where it goes and that’s partially how we connected about this absolutely and I have so many questions uh I I have so many questions but before we get into the deep stuff so we were both at Morehouse at the same
Time I think when did you graduate 2006 oh I graduated in 08 so you were business major right I was yeah no shade to the business majors so at morous we don’t really know the business majors because they have their own click um I say this to every business major at
Morous is that um we went to school together but we didn’t go to school together unless we took like one of those common core classes that we needed to graduate um so there’s a lot of business majors at moous is actually probably one of the top majors at
Morehouse would you agree Ryan listen Morehouse I like to think of as a finishing school and uh the one of the Capstone classes as a business major is this class called LPD leadership professional development in which they teach you how to sit at a white linen tablecloth dinner which Fork to use
Which spoon to use and how to remove the filler words in your conversation such as like um you know and so the reason that finishing school exists is to send uh young men to places that will in a lot of cases change the trajectory of
Their family which in a lot of cases is getting a job at a company so the business department is well resourced partially because of the alumni but also because there are a lot of tracks or there used to be a lot of tracks specifically in business functions that
Allowed black men to have uh sstable income and family infrastructure that the finishing school finished you to go get mhm M mhm so I for those who um are listening those who know me I wasn’t a business major unfortunately um coming from I guess where I came from I thought business
Meant you were trying to get a degree to open up a business until I found out that that was I was poorly mistaken I was a Psychology major but before that I was uh music I was music I was a music Major then I went to psychology uh totally different from the
Business experience but we had some of those overlapping things it just showed up differently uh but either way I’m happy that we have a chance to connect here uh within this space so my first question for you Brian is tell me how did you come up with this notion of a self-made
Dad yeah I would love to uh would it be helpful if I explain to you first what I’m sipping oh damn it yes absolutely please tell me what you’re siing will Samad I am sipping on your show a very basic cocktail it is a tequila reposado oldfashioned uh you will see that there
Are some ice cubes in there that are square they’ve melted now because I’ve been sipping on this for a little while so you know my energy level’s real high I have some orange peels in here specifically this is made with antio tequila reposado for those of
You who don’t know anel is a blackowned tequila company it’s fairly new uh owned by the Ferguson family the wife of whom is a black woman and uh yeah you know I’m all about all things black partially while I’m on the show thanks for putting that in me uh but yeah oldfashioned 2
Ounces of liquor tequila whiskey Etc half an ounce of simple syrup I used Agave actually and I use a little bit more than a half ounce and it’s spicy I used Scrappy fir waterer bids to give it a little kick I’m going to give you a
Sip and then tell you what I’m getting from it that sounds like a fancy drink Brian you said it was just a regular drink you know now that the ice has melted it’s giving me less kick but it was kicking me in the mouth earli put a little bit too much spicy
Bit uh and and so I heard you say that it sounds like a fancy drink it sounds like a fancy drink I have a fancy glass I have fancy ice cubes but the key the good thing about an oldfashioned and the reason I like drinking them generally is
They’re pretty hard to [ __ ] up uh and so I that is true am not the best at making at home cocktails so this is one where it’s like I can just whip it up easily but more importantly when I go out and I’m like man I’m in a bar I don’t really
Know I’m not sure how good at making cocktails these people are I get an oldfashioned because a it is very hard to [ __ ] up and then a b if they do [ __ ] it up then I’m like all right I’m not getting I’m not I’m getting beer I’m
Getting wh I’m not doing anything that re complicated that is very true but yeah to answer your question like how did I come to self-made dads so uh so I I turned 40 this year and last year we had our a son so I have an
Older daughter who’s six years old and I have a son now who is one years old and when I found out that we were having a boy it was the same week that my father passed away and in that experience I recognized that I was the same age as my
Dad when he had me and so what hit me in that moment was am I at the halfway point like have I lived half my life and what does that mean right and so it sent me on this journey of really thinking deeply about the things that I hold dear
And important as values as uh like key Milestones I’d like to see for my kids hopes and dreams that I have for them that I would want to put some structure around and see them be successful but candidly what happened from there was because uh I I did the sound bath in
February of this year with a great person here in the LA area and it unlocked something for me and what it unlocked was a hidden resentment that I had towards my dad specifically around leaving me and leaving me feeling untrained like I felt like I got forced
Into this patriarch role being in charge of the family now that he passed training yeah and like frankly like my dad didn’t really like I’ve been in charge of my life forever like you know he’s been my dad in emotional attachment but not necessarily in guidance and
Underlying that point I felt like I’ve had to teach myself a lot of stuff along the way like I had to teach myself how to ask a girl out I had to teach myself uh what like how to buy a suit for myself I had to teach myself how to
Navigate difficult emotional situations around race relations in big ways growing up in Texas and the South and in microaggressive ways in like the offices and Halls of Wall Street finance companies yeah and so I realized as I was processing that resentment that I felt very much like I had self-taught
Myself a lot of things and so I wasn’t sure if all of those things were actually valuable as an inheritance to my kids and I realized that I had become this self-made dad and I wanted to really reflect on and explore if the building blocks of that Dad that had
Self-made himself were actually useful and where they aren’t then you know get rid of them but then where they are build on them and I wanted to open that up to other people because I’ve found now through this work that there are a lot of people who have had similar
Experiences where their fathers maybe didn’t really uh Apprentice them along in a lot of ways that they could have and we’re all dealing with some wounds from that from our parents in different ways and looking at ways we can be better parents ourselves you know so as you were talking some one
Of the thing that came to mind was uh it’s definitely present in terms of just how to be a a good dad or an effective dad or a dad doesn’t pass on trauma to their children um I think you can say the same thing about just black men and
Like a lot doesn’t get passed down just even in in regards to how I guess how we age ailment how we feel um feelings right so I’m I’m like but they all are connected to this idea of like there’s no blueprint nobody gave me a blueprint
Uh on how to live my life as a black man but also how to live my life as a black man who’s a dad um and yeah that’s CRA well yeah it’s crazy it seems like we I always say and my grandmother says this too we all need
Therapy um so listen listen I I’m 100% with you on that uh I actually did a a recording on this this week because it was very top of mine to me I asked the community that follows me what specifically the women what is something that you wish you could say to the
Father of your children but you feel like you can’t right and I got a whole diversity of responses ranging from ins summation you need to do better [ __ ] to like to like I saw I saw how I saw take care uh take care of your baby mama issues I saw that one
Listen I’ve gotten that more than once and like there’s some stuff to unpack there because part of a lot of it was like around creating boundaries with the the baby mom or the ex-wife but it would be framed in this like masculine frame like he needs to man up and like
Deal with it and I’m like all right but you know like dealing creating boundaries isn’t an exclusively male thing or masculine thing anyway that’s beside the point there was that and then there was hey I see how hard you’re working to put food on our table right
Thank you and what that taught me and told me was that uh a lot of men are creating environments in their households in which their Partners cannot communicate clearly and and transparently to them and it a lot of that comes like reflecting on my own experience I used
To be that way because I only really had one reaction to situations I’d be like angry right and and I’m curious like how your your your dad deal dealt with this but like m my dad it was like if he was scared he’d be angry if he was
Disappointed he’d be angry if he was angry he’d be really angry he was happy or proud he ain’t tell me I didn’t even know about it so I only had access to that one tool because I was modeled only one tool for my father and that uh that
Thread I pulled on really kind of like opened my mind up to the fact that my kids aren’t going to understand how to express themselves fully nor will they be willing to do it with me if I’m incapable of expressing myself fully with them and so you know just to the
Spirit of your like trauma inheritance from parents like it like I could very easily just be like well you know my dad grew up and like stoic bro like my dad was stoic and just like was real strict and Stern and so I’m going to be that way and then it
Just naturally passes down to my kids and then they don’t know how to be open and honest and so like so much of it centers around how we show up because in a lot of cases we as men in a lot of cases are the emotionally under practiced of the pair in
Relationships and we just got to work on that we got to accept it right but I’m curious for you how like your dad showed himself to you and like how does this show up in your relationship with your partner so that’s an interesting question um let’s unpack this uh so I
Didn’t grow up with my biological dad um I had a probably a non-existing relationship with him I knew who he was he knew who I was uh and so it probably wasn’t until around the time that um he got sick um with heart failure and he tried to make amends but
I wasn’t really interested at that point so the relationship wasn’t there and I’m sure that there are things in because of that that I do and bring forward to uh my current relationship I would say I did have though a host of male figures so I had uncles my
Godfather probably he is for all intents and purposes the closest thing I have to a a dad or dad figure in my life but when you were describing and he’s listening so I’m sorry you just going the deal um but when you describe on me is my bad right but when you describing
Just like when he’s scared uh he you know shows like this anger when he’s angry he shows anger uh but there are limitations when it comes to showing like hey I am really really proud of you and I can remember though when I graduated from ug with my
PhD um he came to the graduation and I could tell he was proud I don’t know if he actually told me but I could tell he was because after I got done after I got hooded he uh was like come on let’s take a picture and then to me that said he’s
Proud um and so I don’t but it was very similar and but I also credit that to you know a lot of men like you said earlier are just behaving the way that they were taught right they were taught to be emotionless they were taught to not show when they’re happy they
Probably weren’t given the the the ability to be told that they were proud somebody was proud of them or that their father was proud of them and so for that reason it kind of gets trickled down a bit and I would say that my Allan would tell would say that it does appear
Sometime uh in he says that I’m very hard on like I have a lot of mentors or mentees excuse me I have a lot of mentees and uh they’re black men and he says you’re hard on them and he says that it reminds him of how my godfather
Is I guess how he perceived my godfather and I to have our Rel relationship um and I’m like it’s not that I’m hard on them it’s just that I for me I know that this world is a hard place off Baseline this world is an even harder
Place for a black male this world is an even even more harder place for a black gay male and so I think when I am is perceived as me being hard but I don’t know if it’s hard I think I’m just being real right yeah I don’t want I don’t
Want to sugarcoat things I don’t want to let you think that there like I’ll give you an example one of my mentees said to me um he graduated from Dillard University and he said I’m trying to graduate and make $80,000 and I can remember um saying
Okay well we need to be more realistic here about what you think you’re going to make and and he said and he said oh so you don’t believe in me and it wasn’t that I didn’t believe in you but I knew that graduating with a bachelor’s degree unless you were going
Into a job on Wall Street or something like that the likelihood of you making $80,000 straight out the door was very slim and so what I wanted him to do was to like say okay well $80,000 may not be obtainable right now but this is my plan to get to
$80,000 within you know this time frame and it’s the same thing that happened with me right like I graduated making $336,000 uh as a as a teacher I had bigger dreams on what I wanted to make and so I had to put together a plan to
Do that so I don’t know if it’s necessarily being hard I think that sometimes reality is hard um yeah and maybe that’s where uh Allan would say that uh he sees some of those sorts of things coming into even our relationship and how we engage each
Other but I I and to that end I know I’m rambling but to that end there keep going I’m I got popcorn bro there is something that I know that I do um and it’s probably because of how I guess it was fluenced by the men in my
Life growing up Allan says that I have a hard time he saidou let people know when you’re displeased but you’ll never let people know when you are happy with what they do M and I never thought about it he was like yeah he was like you people can
Read like people can read your body they can read your facial expressions you don’t hide it well which I don’t think I try to but he said just as much as you let people know when you’re displeased with them you have to let them know when
You are happy with them as well yeah I was like listen let me let me give you a a vignette in which that applies and to a kid who will re react very very very uh prominently to how you react to them so so my daughter uh you know she like she
Doesn’t do all the things I did when I was a kid right I was very focused on like reading and math and academic achievement and like I wasn’t as involved in the creative arts right like drawing I’m terrible at drawing color selection I’m terrible at color
Selection uh but like one thing we have in common is we have like VIs and leadership in common she’s a great leader and earlier this year she was working on a project and I was just like I said hey here are the steps we’re going to work on this and this and this
And then keep doing this and blah blah blah and she was super down she was super down for that and then um what ended up happening was uh she missed a couple of steps and like didn’t like it was like writing she didn’t write something very clearly and then her
Reading wasn’t up to par so when we were trying to read it back she wasn’t doing it well and I was like hey what is going on right now and I gave her and like I didn’t say that I was mad but I was incredibly disappointed and she then
Reacted to me and like later told me she was like Papa you’re always mad at me and I thought to myself I was like I’m not always mad at you and then she gave me this example of like well you know I didn’t do this thing and I could just
Tell you were really mad at me and I had to sit with that for a second and I was like okay am I just only coming at you with anger and I didn’t say anything to her to your point like I I gave her the body
Language that made her feel like I was mad and whatever like 90% of communication is non-verbal so she heard and felt it in a way that was so much more acute than I expected and I had to reflect with myself like how often am I positively reinforcing her behavior and
I realized that my reactions to how she reads and writs were disincentivizing her to work on that part of her like world and what I’ve seen is like and as I reflected on that I am because I relate to her on how she leads and how she directs people and communicates her
Vision I am typically like instinctually reinforcing that and I’m like oh great job you were very specific about this you were like really forceful about it and then she so she does that but then doesn’t work on the other things and so I realized like where I’m pouring my
Reinforcement to her she is working on and really excelling at but then the other stuff that she probably needs to work on because I just like I haven’t even said anything I just furrowed my brow and probably tensed my body up she was like oh I’m doing something wrong
And like shrinks from it and so like looking at her and then recognizing how I need to adjust myself to how she responds has been really key and it’s taken me out of my standard set of responses so I feel you man and like that point about uh your godfather not
Saying that he’s proud of you but being like I’m going to take a picture that’s like grown-up version of like you know what I got older but I finally understood the language you were speaking and like that’s where I’m trying to like avoid with my kid but you
Know it’s so I we make jokes about this all the time especially uh I’m not sure if You’ seen like there was a meme or video I don’t know what the hell they call it it was a real a clip a short clip about uh how black mothers
Apologize and so it was just like um you know the mother comes into the room and she like what you doing you want something to eat there was a one about dad like hey you want to go to Chuck-E-Cheese so I was like this is
Like it’s not I I don’t think I honestly think that this happens more than we acknowledge and we probably didn’t know it was happening this way everybody was being raised probably the same way uh we didn’t know because we didn’t have access into people’s houses and people’s lives like we do now
So but I do want to go back to U the story you were telling about your daughter how do you build awareness like how do you become aware that you’re doing those sorts of things when you’re doing them because that’s the hard part I think even for me in talking to um you
Know my mentees and when I have children in the future like that’s how do you become aware of that so you can change it or just yeah just make sure that you aren’t imparting those sorts of feelings ings on your child yeah man I mean I will tell okay so intellectually
My answer is well I want to be effective and so I’m paying attention to what works and what doesn’t and then like I try to reflect on why this didn’t work and then approach it from a different way Bri I intellect I want the non-intellectual answer that’s just like
The like you know neocortex answer of for this like the real answer is uh and I’ll just speak specifically to my daughter like I love her so damn much that I hurt when she hurts and I feel when she when I’ve hurt her and it’s like different cuz like you
Know I don’t know how you grew up but like I got I got whooped a lot like my dad used to love to tell my wife all the time like I used take his butt out of church and whoop him that was like a point of Pride for him so there I’m not
That physical with my daughter because she also doesn’t need it but I can feel feel it when I especially when I unintentionally hurt her and I can see it in her body language and like the energy between us and there’s like something that shifts in the air and so
I feel that and because I care a lot about her I I think about it I like think about like man what did I do in this situation that hurt her and then I may realize oh she really wanted me to say I really like your bead necklace but
I only focused on the fact that you didn’t write this word well and then she’s just like both feeling unseen and feels critiqued and not good enough because she didn’t you know as a six-year-old didn’t write some word well so I but like all this is processing in
My head and I’m just like oh man like I I I I see I hurt my kid I feel that I hurt my kid and now I got to think about how and why I did that and then come up with like different ways to deal with it and frankly
Sad step one is just apologize like I I found that when I do that I talk to my daughter and I’m like hey you know I I I recognize that you actually wanted me to talk about your necklace is that true and she’ll say yeah I was really excited
About it and then I’ll be like I’m sorry I got focused on this other thing but I really did love it I want like let’s spend a minute and talk about it and she appreciates that it shifts our energy and I would say for you like with your
Mentees man like I know it comes from a place of care like all of this comes from a place of like deep care but every person’s different so you got to check in with your right like I said this and I saw how they reacted how
Do I feel about that right and if you and like it’s interesting because the I man I was talking to um I have a friend Dr Duncan who was on my show last week and she brought up this like the world is hard so we I’m gonna be hard on my
Kids because the world is hard as a psychological concept and I’m going to butcher it but basically she was saying that um there’s a form of trauma transfer in that where we feel like we were raised to be toughened up in uh in the house but then we we end up not
Having a place or feeling psychologically safe and so then the discussion once you’re aware of that is like how important is psychological safety in the house right and I think that like that’s the question ultimately is if I’m engaging with this kid if I’m engaging with my
Minty is what I’m doing creating enough psychological safety such that they can hear the advice I’m giving them and act upon it with trust right and that that’s a that’s a tough balance because we get in our own egos about well I’m trying to be hard on them I’m trying to do this
Because the world or because whatever and you can still achieve the preparing them for the world without necessarily being uh without ignoring what they’re asking you to pay attention to in the moment and then like that’s a hard balance it’s a really hard balance it takes practice I I mess it up
40 to 50% of the time um but yeah man it’s a it’s an interesting it’s an interesting challenge for sure so so all that being said just to kind of close off what I was saying earlier is uh I think that be because I know that you
Care deeply you’re gonna you will train yourself to feel and be sensitive to the reaction that your kid has or your mentees have to what you’re saying to them right and going back to my intellectual explanation if your goal is to be effective then you’ll take the opportunity to reflect on how you’re
Delivering messages and see how you can tweak yourself and even get your own baggage out of the way to deliver it in a way that gets them to the end result right uh but I’m curious man like I know that you and uh and your partner are
Pursuing surrogacy and there’s a part of me that I when you asked me this initial question I was thinking man my daughter looks like me so like I just feel very very very very like attached to her she’s like like she’s like 85% clone of
Me in terms of look it’s crazy it’s like really weird um but I’m curious like how are you and Allan thinking about this for yourself and like I don’t know like what kind of recommendations do people give you guys in this process to think about developing attachment and connection in this
Way that’s an interesting question um so I will say first off our we came to this at different from different angles or different methods you know I grew up in I would say a relatively large but close-knit family uh and as such I always wanted a a kid I’m the oldest uh
Son right I’m well I’m the oldest child uh and then I’m the oldest grandchild and so I think I was always kind of uh raised to be a little bit more uh altruistic or concerned about other people’s well-being and I felt that even as a kid like just that’s something I
Was supposed to do I knew I was going to go into a field that required me to take care of people in some form or fashion um Allan on the other hand is different he’s the baby uh has never really had any engagement with any sort of people
Younger than him because he was the baby of his family um and you know I would let him tell his own story but I think that having a child almost represented to him that he was no longer the baby right he was actually the person being responsible for another being whereas
For me say that’s gonna get you in trouble brother don’t say nothing going to get you in trouble okay it’s okay but I think that that’s where we differed and so we came to this idea of I I even when we first got together I was talking about children I I wanted
Children uh I’m like dogs are great but I want children and it was because I felt like given where I came from and given where I am now I didn’t want all this work to go in vain like I remember in a Sociology class I think at
Morous and there was something that was said and it was a long the lines of all the work that you’re doing today you may not benefit from it but your children and your children’s children will and I just thought about growing up in Patterson growing up you know in a
Lowincome family growing up in uh elevated projects right um growing up in an elevated projects that I have to say that because the people from The Towers swear that they not from the projects it was a project y it was a right but it was just it we didn’t piss
In our it was a housing we didn’t piss in our elevators or our stairwells for the most part so uh but you know growing up there I realized that you know even get getting to morous right and it was when I got to morehous I realized that I
Was around all these other smart men right that were just like it was crazy to me I actually was quiet my first like year and a half at morous because I just was taken back by the fact that I was now in a room with other smart black
Dudes which not to say that I wasn’t in the before but it wasn’t sort of praised right to be that person and so I like I said it was really geared by the fact that I was doing all this work and doing all the things that people told me to do
And what I didn’t want to do is die and then it all just left in addition to that I also saw a lot of older gay men and it felt like they there was a lack of fulfillment like something wasn’t fulfilled they were you know like always
Trying to maintain their youth they were always trying to go out to the clubs wearing muscle shirts and [ __ ] like that and I was like this is not going to be me I’d rather be at a soccer game or at karate practice or at piano lessons like
I want to pour all all of what I have into this kid um and so fast forward many many years after grad school and everything else like we actually had to get to a point and Allan wanted to understand why this was so important to me and I wanted to
Understand why this was like not as important to him his it wasn’t that he didn’t want it I think his thing was and he said this and so I don’t mind repeating it is that if he didn’t have children he wouldn’t be upset but he
Realized that for me if we did that I would um and so he wanted to understand like why it was so important for me and I’m the flip side I wanted to kind of understand like why like why is it not important for you yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah um and so that’s when we came to that understanding of like you know you were raised like I I raised I helped raise my younger brothers right um being the oldest cousin there was a paternal Instinct that was brewing there right um and so I think that that’s why we came
To with therapy that’s why I still advocate for therapy everyone we came to with some therapy like you know if you haven’t thought about getting therapy you should think about getting it tomorrow there are easy ways to do this but you know so I think that that
Was like a lot of the driving force behind that I still don’t believe that anyone’s giv us a blueprint on how we should do this it’s something that I think about constantly I talked to my aunt probably daily and we do talk about children because she’s excited probably
About more excited as I am but but I but she’s excited I’m scared and excited at the same time and she’s like you know you should have a girl and I was like oh listen somebody I’mma tell you man I was convinced that my daughter was a boy
And we didn’t find out the gender until she was born and she came out and my the first the first emotion I felt was like Pride I was like oh I got this kid she’s healthy it’s great and then the second emotion was like just deep panic I was
Like oh my God I got I got I got to like I got this kid raising a girl and I don’t know and like teenagers and periods and all that and then the third emotion was just like I got real real um oh man I don’t know what the word is but
Like I just like felt very very like I was crying and I was feeling very like warm and connected cuz I was thinking I just had this vision of like the first dance and and my wife was like Brian she’s is’s like 3 hours old what is
Wrong with you I was just like I don’t know but I feel Lov so intensely right now so it’s just it’s it’s wild I get where you’re coming I’m like Brian but so the same things that you the same [ __ ] that you just outlined is the same [ __ ] that’s running through my head
Whenever I think about being a parent to a daughter like I no lie this is no lie at all I was just like okay so how do how would I deal with periods in a way to not scare them but also let them know that this is natural
I’m like okay I’m going to I’m going to develop a period box so when they get it I’m going to say hey here’s some tampons here are some uh here are some maxi pads here’s some candy for some snacks here’s a cover just in case you get cold like
Here’s a book to go ahead and write down what you’re thinking in this moment and present it to them like it’s a WR like a write of Passage so here’s a book that’s objectively hilarious so listen man I will tell you fact that you’re even thinking about this stuff
It’ll work itself out right like you’ll be great the and and I’m tell I’m giving you what was given to me because one of the things that held me up from getting married was I had this uh this very deep-seated fear of being a father
Because of how my father was and to the spirit of the points we’ve been making I was like I’ve only seen this type of fatherhood I’m really nervous at all the things that I do reflexively will just pass on trauma to my kids without me being aware of and that’s partially why
I’m so hyper aware of what I’m doing and how it’s coming off so but like I had a bunch of older men who were like listen man just the fact that you’re thinking about it means that you will improve upon it dramatically so I’m saying that
To you like you’re thinking about it you will do really well and and in the spirit of that point like you have a community of people who are parents who will surround you and like will give you the space to be like hey man daughter’s doing this is
Crazy and then we can be like yeah it’s crazy you know by the way it’s natural like all of my kids did it blah blah blah like I have a buddy who has three three girls uh the youngest is nine and the oldest is 13 and I look
At stuff that he’s dealing with and I haven’t even thought about it talking about periods they like he brought up to me one time he was like man I want to move to this new neighborhood because I want my daughter to date a black man and I
Was like okay why are we talking about this since she’s 13 but he’s like look like I want her to know what it feels like to be loved and wanted by a black man early in her life so that she doesn’t go out here seeking like this weird validation from shitty black men
Because they’re the only ones she’s ever met wow and to for me I was like okay that’s helpful to think ahead but then he was able to tell me like oh at 6 here are some things you should think about you are the guy that she loves take her
On a date do this like be less critical because she doesn’t she doesn’t [ __ ] know how to write like she’s six yeah and and so I’m saying that to you to say like man you’re going to have like it’s a fraternity in itself becoming a parent
And so when you go through that process you will have whether you have a boy or a girl or you end up having twins you know like that can happen you we will be there for you and and like let that give you the confidence like it’s scary as
[ __ ] it’s super scary it sounds it sounds so I was I was not scared until this [ __ ] got real right I was like we went through this process of surrogacy we started here in the states and then we were unsuccessful here State Side so it was just like okay are we going to
Spend a couple more thousand dollars to do it here and it may not be successful or do we go someplace else and so we decided to go and pursue the journey in Colombia versus the US yeah and I you know was pushing I was like yeah we’re
Going to go we’re going to do this we got this you know I told you we went through therapy you know met with our therapist our coup’s therapists and we were just like you know we all right we on the same page now and I think it was
Once we paid that money I was like this shit’s real I just want everybody who’s listening to this I like I will encourage you to go on YouTube because you have got to see samad’s face when he said that it is pric it’s true I was like I was like oh
[ __ ] uh what do I do here um all right so I started to think about every like all the things that you’re talking about it’s funny it came to me like and my barber who was more like a brother to me but you know Barber is a respectable
Title In My Life um he he said to me samat I realized one day that I’m my daughter’s first boyfriend and so he said for that reason I need to be mindful of how I treat her because if I treat her that way if I treat her the wrong way she’ll expect
Other people to treat her that way and think that it’s love and so he was saying the same thing that you’re saying like going taking her out on a date right like have spending quality time with her um like all the giving pouring into her speaking to her love language
Right uh like those things are important at a very early age and so just make sure you do that and I would say similarly if I had a son I would probably want to do the same thing because I want him to also be able to
Know that he can be vulnerable right he can uh Express his his emotions he can like I want to encourage those sorts of things because I think for a lot of us we were told we should not do those things so I I see it playing on both
Sides like I think as much as a a first partner you should be to your your daughter I would say yeah you need to also let your son know how you how he should treat people how he should you know be vulnerable how he should tap into his feelings how he should Express
His feelings like all those things as well and I I guess it it’s the same as a partner too I maybe people don’t want to say that because it’s like it’s your son and you’re a father but still and all it’s the same I think we we make we
Connect the sons to mothers but then on the flip side we come and say well you know the reason why these boys a are acting the way they are acting is because their fathers ain’t doing what they’re supposed to do absolutely absolutely yeah I like to say that
Like parents role it like parent child relationships are like apprenticeship relationships right and and in different formats right like my daughter is apprenticing with me to see assuming that she would like to have a male partner like how what what to expect from a man in her life as a friend as a
Lover as a supporter whatever right and I’m going tell you this Samad I my my goal in life generally and it is manifesting now is to be the most obnoxiously supportive person in the room so like my daughter was on stage you could hear me from the top of the
Nose bleed section just like go I’m so B like you can hear that it echoes like and that’s by Design so like she gets that from me and then for your son it’s like he’s going to look to you to see how to move how to shake and I think the
Points you’re making about allowing emotional vulnerability to be normalized is important because man I have these internet debates with people and they get all wound up about like oh you know like big internet the people out there are trying to tell all these men to be emotion emotional and
Like lose themselves and femininity and all this stuff and what I tell them is like listen man grief rage guilt those are all emotions and we get stuck in those yeah and because we don’t recognize them we haven’t learned and exercised our muscles in being sensitive
To the fact that were in those States and that leads us to make bad decisions right and and even like in a in a marriage like you know God willing you don’t go through this but like it’s a thing that happens to a lot of people who are married where you go through
Periods where you don’t feel desired right and and a man might be like well you know I’m like I’m a man are supposed to go out and sew their seed and blah blah blah but in a lot of cases they’re just seeking intimacy but they can’t say that because society that crazy that’s
So crazy I don’t get it I don’t get it so crazy you got your person right there and if you just said baby like can you please just hold me she will hold you but you for some reason are too much of a man to say that it goes back down to
That vulnerability aspect we I think as being raised as boys into men we you can’t be vulnerable you can’t you can’t say I want to be held right like that would that would check my manhood like what do you mean hold me no you don’t need to hold me like I’ve heard dudes
Say that yes right meanwhile they want to be held that’s all they want that’s literally all they want that’s literally all they want I feel like I’m going to say this and you know like the the internet’s going to probably say like oh we Googled it and it’s wrong but I I
Feel like I saw some study that showed uh like a research of men who cheat and like a conversation with uh like escorts and they showed that there was like some correlation in the amount of actual sexual intercourse that the people were pursuing versus just like
Basic intimacy like hold me rub my back blah blah BL blah and you most people just want the ladder right and and to Spirit to your point like people are going outside of their relationships paying money to get a thing that they could get from their partner if they
Just open their damn mouth yeah and and like that but that’s so scary men are like oh we’re so brave and we’re gonna go off to war and fight people over internet comments and [ __ ] but then they can’t open their mouth to their partner and say hey like can you just please
Like rub my back and like sing to me for a little bit so I don’t know man like it’s it’s um I think just backing up to the spirit of the Point you’re making uh I I think that it is Honorable that you your intention is to model these things
And allow your kids to be their full selves because whole people build really really enriched experiences right and I think that that the world needs more of that frankly um and I’m excited to see what you do and and just like to reinforce that earlier point I made your
Barber’s giving you game now for a girl bro you got people in your life so y’all are going to be great y’all are going to be great I think I I think we do have Community but it’s different from the community that we experienced when we
Were growing up right uh because we were both raised around our family so our family was a stone throw away and in this particular instance we’re both here in Atlanta um you know uh the bulk of our family is up in the Northeast we may have like a couple
Cousins here in the Southeast but we’re just like we don’t have that same familial unit that we had grown growing up and that’s scary as hell because you realize that you’re going to be doing this [ __ ] by yourself and while the the people your family is there they’re I guess there
You can FaceTime or reach out to them or do whatever you have to do to get in contact with them just that physical presence is like uh like I there was a couple times I was like should we move up to Jersey like that’s where the
Family is uh should we go there and I’m like no I’m not going back to I’ll tell you we moved to uh we moved to the suburb so that we had space so that the family could spend extended time with us for the point that you’re
Making right so we have like uh an extra bedroom and a whole bunch of space where they can just go like post up and have their own TV and whatever and uh and then like you know my mom comes for like six months out of the Year from the
Philippines and then my wife’s folks come three to five months sporadically throughout the year cuz like we’re not meant to do this [ __ ] alone in any form of capacity right and it’s and it’s like in Social obvious ways like I want to talk to other people and vent and laugh
And have interests that my partner maybe doesn’t have and in like very intimate like ways like hey can somebody please just take this kid from me for like 15 minutes or an hour so I don’t go crazy and fight them like my wife will tell my
Wife said this to me and I agree with her 100% um during the pandemic my mom got stuck here in America for two years wow uh because she couldn’t travel and she’s immunal compromised and her being with us you know the the having the three adults and my daughter saved our
Marriage because it just allowed us to have uh like release valves so we could take a walk or step away for a little bit go on a date even if it was just driving around the lake in our car just to get out and and in like very real
Ways like we needed to go to coup’s counseling to work on our marriage in this high stress high tension and experience and we could do it because my mom was there so I I take point and it’s not it’s not irrelevant it’s very relevant um you know you’ll figure it
Out man but like bro you know if you want to just come over to SoCal and move next door you know we can just want to I I would love the opportunity to move to Southern California um my family would hate it but I would love the opportunity to move
To Southern California so I guess going back to this point around just I want to transition a little bit not a lot of bit but a little bit to this idea you mentioned turning 40 and that’s something that I’m going to do next year and I’m actually looking forward to
It I think everybody else is making this a bigger deal than what it needs to be I’m also thinking about being a 40-year-old parent to an [Applause] Inent um I need my family to move down here please yeah that’s uh that will be the conclusion of this conversation so I need you to move down here but also get your own place get your own move nearby like move nearby 15 to 20 minutes away I
Just need you to be around I need you in Babysitting distance but not pop up anytime you want exactly exactly but how have you been able to one of the things that I’m realizing and I keep saying it often is a [ __ ] is aging and I need to i’ I’ve accepted it
Right we’ve even had a conversation just around gray I’m like I welcome the gray you’re like uh I don’t listen man I I you know I realized in this process of turning 40 that my uh where my vanity lies I didn’t think like I’m I’m a I’m a fairly minimalist person
Like I have very few things uh I don’t necessar like I sold a company I was like I don’t know the most expensive thing I got was a pair pair of $300 headphones and that was a stretch for me cuz I was like oh my God this is lot of $300 [ __ ] dolls
But when I started getting more grays in my hair like if this was 4K you could see I got like a white gray right here uh I was like oh I’m not for those who couldn’t see he’s pointing to like one strand of a gray hair a singular
Strand and listen I know I’m asserting a lot of privilege I know I’m asserting a lot of privilege in this moment I’m asserting having hair privilege at 40 and I’m asserting still having a lot of black hair and not a lot of white hair is privilege I get it I’m just saying
Meet me where I am please and and so I I recogniz like that’s where my vanity is it’s like this youthfulness is is is apparently really important to me so 40 for me represented a a shift into an identity that I wasn’t sure I was ready for because I used to
Think I like when I reflected on how I grew up and like how I conceptualized my life it was 16 18 21 25 cuz you know you could rent a car without uh extra having to pay that extra deposit exactly and then uh 30 35 because 30 was like oh you grown
And then 35 is like oh [ __ ] she about to be old and then 65 I made a huge jump I never really thought about the middle and then I was like oh [ __ ] I’m about to turn 40 what does that mean am I supposed to be there’s a lot of supposed
To be is coming up and uh I get a lot of and you’ll probably get this too but like I got I get a lot of um oh you’re how no there’s no way you’re 40 like that kind of energy and I tell people three things I tell them number one
Black don’t crack I tell them number two stretch but it don’t crack hey it black don’t crack and Asian don’t raisin those are my top two reasons why I still look useful uh and number three I’m like well I I asked him like like what should a
40-year-old look like right and when you look in average America a lot of times people don’t invest in their physical health and they look and or they like outfit Health they just like wear baggy stuff that doesn’t really fit that haven’t tailored and they don’t take care of themselves their diet goes to
[ __ ] and that’s just not been me I’m like very athletic I’m an endurance athlete I now do capera so like I’m just always active and that that attitude has helped me survive these youthful years of my kids because I’mma tell you man if you were going to
Prepare to be a 40-year-old father what matters in the early years is like your ability to deal with sleeplessness which you don’t necessarily need to be in physical shape for but you should be right because like as an example this week uh our son has been dealing with sleep regression and I
Think it’s mostly because he just like is super hungry every night mhm he’s just like a freaking voracious grower and eater right now it’s it’s ridiculous so but he’ll wake up at like 1 at 3 at 4:45 in a night and so like you know then I’m [ __ ] up because I’m like I’m
I haven’t slept well so that’s the thing but then later at with my six-year-old she wants to run she wants to dance she wants to LEAP we have we have like impromptu dance parties at least twice a week and it’s like not like oh you know side decide to step
It’s not like oh like hat pulled down twisted side to side like it’s you need to party oh yall doing choreography bro I’m telling you there we I built a little mini stage in our living room and we have like dance offs we’ll have battles where it’s like
She’ll do a thing and then you know give it to me and then I got to do a thing and then she get gives it back to me and so you need to record that and share that for everybody to see I will I I got
You I got you have to record that and share it my tolerance for embarrassment is very high so like I got you okay and she’ll comment when if she thinks that you’re not bringing it she would tell you and and mind this is this is a six-year-old girl and like all of the
Boys that I’ve been around are 30% more energy at least so now I’m like looking at a situation where I’ll be like 45 and my son will be about will be six and then it’s like I got to do this all over again so I’m trying to keep myself
Active and in shape and well you know eating well so that I can do these things and I can still run and jump and fall when he’s ready to do it so like that’s what I would tell you is like keep your yoga you know eat well
Hydrate get sleep now brother get sleep now that’s what everybody keep is there anything you’re fearful of turning 40 and becoming a parent so I’ve been doing a lot of what you’ve been saying and I think it’s prompted by the fact that I’m going to be 40 and apparent right uh working out
Routinely like I I need to go to the gym Monday through Friday I have my set hours I wake up early early in the morning at the crack of dawn go work out get that out the way and then I’m like I can be a productive human being now I do
Understand that that probably will get thrown out the window once you have children um but you can find time where you can find time so I with one kid you can make it work with two kids it’s a [ __ ] dice roll bro yeah you know well
We’re doing I I keep saying we’re having ghetto twins I should probably come up with another name but um but we’re having we’re supposed to be having ghetto Twins and so uh it’ll be we’re doing a surrogacy a dual journey and so uh they’ll be one uh woman who’s
Pregnant with Allen’s uh embryo that’s fertilized by Alan and it’ll be another woman who’s pregnant with a egg that’s or embryo that’s fertilized by me wow and so but it’s I want to come back to that decision wow it’s from the same donor okay and so we wanted them to at
Least have that connection that’s why I call them ghetto twins because in the hood it’s not unheard of for you know it’s it’s not unheard of baby mama with two baby daddies you know I get it and baby mama with two baby daddies and is not unheard of for
Somebody to be uh what do you call it uh pregnant by the same man at the same time yeah listen have you heard of a man named Nick Cannon have you heard of Nick Cannon popping them out heard mus also did that I I try not to meddle in his
Affairs he just doesn’t seem like a a person I would want to I don’t I don’t want to know I don’t want to know anything about him because I might get even more Angry so um but no I do know Elon Elon musk my phone is actually called Dr Elon musky
Balls but I do not know much about Elon Musk he’s been sewing his he sews his seed pretty aggressively and has had like he had I think three kids around like a month apart one twins one set of twins and then another uh like single kid with two different women wow okay
Yeah so you know whatever we talk whatever [ __ ] we talk about black men and you know their baby M’s like men do it too yeah all the time white people do it all the time accurate accurate for some reason it just seems really crazy when we do it yeah yeah I’m
Not but I would say I will I want to ask you this question what is one thing that you are doing now I guess you’re realizing you’ve gotten older that a trait you’ve taken on that you never would have thought you’ve taken on as a result of getting
Older oh man I I’ll start I I can I can start go ahead I love a good Nike [Laughter] sweats look I don’t know wait are we talking like nylon track jacket are we talking like no no I don’t do that I don’t do that one I do what level of
Carl canai are we at right now I’m I’m talking about the dry fit sweatsuit you know the like not not that one but I love a good like at this point in life if I could dress like a gym teacher all day I would and I realized that that’s like a
Black dad staple oh yeah is the like you know dress in these sweatsuits and these sneakers I mean I’ve gotten more Jordans in my life at this point than I’ve gotten ever before I’m like oh these sneakers are so comfortable I walk into the office with
A pair of ones on like oh these These are so comfortable so that’s something that I realize that I’ve taken on and I need to be mind ful of it so I’m not walking around looking like um that that Dad yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Uh I can’t say that this is I have a similar thing like I I tend to wear like my draws and my socks until they’re like crumbling in the dust but like that’s that’s more a function of me being cheet than it is being old I’m going be real
About that um if that $300 headphone Point didn’t drive that home enough um I will tell you that I have found that I have more instinctual reactions that are like old Manish than I thought I would and here’s an example and it started a while
Ago so we moved to the Bay Area in 2014 and I remember we were still living in San Francisco at the time so this is like 2014 early 2015 and my wife and I were walking down the street and I was like it’s me and her arm in- arm sun
Shining it’s great and I see this like pack of teenage kids like 13 to 16 year olds coming towards us there’s like six of them and they had like skateboards and a scooter and all that kind of [ __ ] and I was just like oh
The like in my mind I was like these are [ __ ] hoodlums even though you know they’re just like kids making noise but they uh but they were they were on the sidewalk with their skateboards and scooters and they like we were playing chicken like it was
Just like we were walking and they were coming to us and in my mind I was like these they’re going to respect their elders and get onto the street and get off the sidewalk and they didn’t Samad and as soon as they came close to
Us out of nowhere from the pits of my aging Soul came a a yell at them and I was like if y’all don’t get y’all’s narrow behinds off this damn sidewalk I’mma come for y’all and I just said it and then I looked at my wife and I was
Like what the hell was that what the hell was that she was like I don’t know I was like I don’t know where that came from but I just said it I meant it not narrow behind I said verbatim narrow behinds and I said it
And I was just like I’m not even I’m not even sorry I said it I meant it there’s been progressively like things like that that have happened where uh I will say stuff like you know kids these days like you know like [Laughter] any back in my day came up I something I
Say good music y’all don’t know good music that has come up more frequently now that my daughter is being more intentional about what she listens to I’m like I’m G expose you to some good music this is good music now yeah I mean that’s I I would definitely um caution
You uh I talked about this on a previous episode uh just make sure sexy red is not in the rotation um sukiana go ahead and Nick that from the rotation I listened to that episode and I it made a mentle I actually went to go look it up after
Because I was like I don’t know who this is and that’s another one that’s oh oh I don’t know cool music at all at all at all and more and more more and more I find myself on my phone like now I don’t know how the hell what
The y’all got to get on YouTube people CU you got see the interaction between him and his phone it is how do I send a MD I need to send an MD and so I’m I find I’m like no samama please please don’t this is not it it’s bad I I have a
A reminder because you know we’re we’re both doing podcasts that have YouTube and Instagram and like components and I’ve been promoting on Instagram pretty consistently but I was thinking to myself the other day I was like oh man a lot of new parents listen to my stuff
But those folks are like 25 to 35 and I was like oh [ __ ] they’re on Tik Tok and so I I put a reminder on my calendar like download Tik Tok to figure out what that’s about what I wrote so it’s a whole [ __ ] Tik Tock University really there there’s I I so
We’re in the same boat here so I this is no shade cuz I’m still trying to figure it out my teach me there is a Tik Tock University they actually give you a certificate great great I need it I need so and I love school I’m a I’m one of
Those people who love continuous education so I’m going to find some time in my schedule to go ahead and sit through and understand Tik Tok now the funny part is I mentioned this to my aunt she was like oh yeah that’s how you learn how to use Tik Tok so I’m the one
That don’t know she’s like all those other elderly folks have done that what are you hello thanks for catching up wait don’t my aunt’s going to be having a problem with you calling her elderly actually you know [ __ ] uh S I apologize I did if you
Notice I paused to try to think of a better word but uh you know it is sips with samod and the sips are in my blood the sips are coming in yeah uh let me take the sip on that oh man I’ll tell you the other the other
Thing that like is just a part of my nature uh that my wife will point out to me as like oh man this is like your old manness and like your dadness uh so Filipino dads are known for and this isn’t like super Filipino in itself but
Uh because like I I realized going to college in Atlanta that Atlanta Negroes do this too but like I just wear flip-flops with socks a lot and flipflops with socks and shorts and uh I I don’t appreciate the look you’re giving me right now but I’m sorry Brian
In in the gay community that is a no no in any Community it’s a no no man I know but I don’t care and here’s the thing this was really going to uh bust your britches man I walk around with flip flops and socks with the with the thong
Flipflops right like CU you know grew with my my Filipino mom so I wear the thong socks like I got some havanas downstairs and that’s like my feet are cold I put socks on and then I go get the flipflops so wow I’m embarrassed
That’s just who I am except me I I I got a pair of birken stocks with some ferns in the inside so wow wow um that is um it was bad when my white best friend told me that I was dressing like a white [Laughter]
Man um and she is very much along the lines of like she’s she’s on the Alicia Key Spectrum M mhm this is definitely the wine coming she’s on the AL we got to end this we got to end this talk soon we got get real she’s on the Alicia Key spectrum
And so I that coming from her was like coming from Alicia Keys where it was just like why are you dressing like a white guy you got these B your chicken tastes like some white people chicken did you season this I season my chi saying that I need I
Need to look at what I’m doing with my life I was like FYI I season my chicken I just want everybody to know that my season is chicken my my seasoned is chicken okay we that’s the quue that’s the quue well Brian on that note on that note this has been a great
And Lively conversation I really really appreciate this I hope that we can do more of this um I think I just I’m so interested in your journey of self-discovery and just sort of I guess ridding yourself of past trauma and making sure that it’s not a cyclical
Thing uh that will then be passed down to your children and one of the things that we talked about even in coming on or doing this show together like my journey is a self-made dad in itself right and so I’m choosing to go this route I’m choosing to uh with my partner
Go through surrogacy go through uh this journey of becoming a dad and you it’s parallel to what you’re experiencing as just trying to understand how you can be the best dad that you can be uh to your children as well as being a spouse that’s a journey
That’s a that’s a job that’s a whole other that’s a whole other bottle of tequila right there it’s a whole other bottle of tequila one thing I do want the listeners and the viewers to know I want you all to hone in on one thing that Brian and I
Said couples’s counseling saves lives yes okay yes you don’t have to go to a counselor when shit’s going wrong you can just go to a counselor when shit’s right because there’s probably some things that you all are pin p uh what is it is pent up that you haven’t really
Addressed or you’re not sure how to address or certain things are manifesting itself in a certain way and you don’t even realize it but your partner realizes it I want to encourage a lot of the couples who are listening or people who are in a coupledom if
That’s a word to go ahead and like go talk to somebody it’s so so helpful uh it’s helpful because often times you feel like you need to have I think it’s better to have like a mediator like like this is what I said can you repeat what I said in a better way
That might actually make sense um because I don’t know how to say it any other way than how I said it or can you it gives you and then you learn like oh my partner hears it this way oh okay maybe I’ll try that next time right and and I think listen man
Uh people like it’s kind of like going to the doctor people say like go to the doctor when you don’t need the doctor right preventative care and if you check in on how things are going you can nip these things in the bud before they become real cancerous right and we know
How cancer goes so yeah I’d rather y’all not have to fight that fight yeah it’s if you can control that at all costs you should go talk to someone and it’s yeah it’s just helpful it it’s helped me in a number of occasions in my own relationship Alan and I have been
Together for what 16 years and and that was a lot of I was young and just wild and crazy and 16 years ago you were like you know however many iterations of Samad ago than you are now right like we all grow as people and we learn we want
Different things over time we like to be communicated to differently and if you’re really serious about making this work with a partner you got to learn how to grow with that and that that that’s not something that anybody has to do on their own right and there are more of us
Doing this than you think so just allow it to be a thing you’re willing to do yes all right Brian do you have any closing words for the people uh listening today or watching today I’ll say self-made dad find me on Instagram Brian Le Shields I do live shows
Wednesdays and Fridays at 12: PM Pacific Fridays are a call-in show you can call in talk that [ __ ] uh and outside of that man keep doing this I enjoy it I enjoy your flow this has been a ton of fun I’m happy to come back anytime you want man I greatly
Appreciate it and I look forward to the opportunity of being on your show and we got to talk about this live part uh I want to do that but you know folks be wild folks folks watch we’ll talk about it offline we’ll talk about it offline
Figure out yeah but but I really really appreciate you coming in and chatting with me and all the other fellow sippers I want to remind you all to please continue to like share subscribe put it on the church bulletin board uh look you can write a sip with some mod on the
Bathroom stall um the goal is to get this to the people who who needs to get it yeah do that so uh follow me on Instagram follow me on Tik Tok follow me I’m on Tik Tok now yes I am on Tik Tok a sip with some mod podcast uh I’m on
Instagram threads spill you name it go ahead I don’t think nobody’s on spill anymore but we gonna talk about that another time um but yes definitely continue to hit me up continue to like share subscribe and on YouTube hit the subscribe button and share it with people please I beg of
You but until next week y’all I’m Out
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