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For hydrating all my guests taking care of me and my family and my friends love your water love your brand love what you stand for love you give back to the community if you want to learn more about liquid death and how it started listen to episode 115 with the
Co-founder owner and creator of liquid death Mike Cesario just a punk rock skateboarding kid from Delaware with a dream it’s incredible story Incredible Journey so go liquid.com Toby you get free shipping on any items you order from liquid.com and if you want to get water liquid death water go to
Amazon.com but for merchandise and other things is not water go to liquid.com Toby and get free shipping thank you so much liquid death death to plastic mury of thirst stay hydrated you know H2 saves lives okay welcome to the one life en Chance podcast I’m your host Toby
Morris today I have the extremely extremely Tal talented and extremely pregnant when Whitney Cummings thank you for being here thank you this is awesome having you here I’m talented at everything except making sure that IUD stays in oh my God how’s life how are you I’m good I’m really good I’m glad we
Finally get to do this I know in person uh it’s nice to see you baby’s coming soon the special is coming so when this pod comes out your special will be out for sure it’s out of.tv uh Whitney it’s on only fans television I know everyone’s like but is
It going to be butth holes and people peeing in each other’s mouths and porn in this nope you’re not that lucky it’s actually of.tv they’re doing uncensored comedy I mean we did the roast on there yeah thank you I went to that thank youer rooster BG Cher that was chaos right it
Was awesome he was wasted he was totally wasted he’s Savage right he’s wild man yeah he’s a Savage but I saw he’s losing weight now and doing something yeah he looks good he looks really good he’s taking care of himself I yeah I think that like dying is kind of out dying too
Young at the top of your game it’s not cool anymore you know yeah dying I dying’s like a whole thing for D canel know you guys stop dying I hate death it there was so many of I mean comedians I mean remember it was nor McDonald Louie Anderson Gilbert godfre
It just kept on going it’s true you know getting older yeah there’s a certain point where it’s like not sustainable anymore and you’re like wait I’m 56 like I can’t be doing Four Loco zema bombs anymore it’s true you know what I mean yeah that’s why I do my all my stuff cuz
I’m 53 and I try to stay young and stay healthy you take really good care of yourself huh thank you that’s what’s up I try I do I mean people trip on my skin but I really don’t do nothing but use like LP on your skin my skin being good
You have amazing skin thank you but I don’t really do anything with it really huh it’s weird I have no I put nothing on it do you sleep well yeah yeah what what are your genetics what’s your ancestry I don’t that’s a great question
I’m a mess I’m like a mut yeah I’m not sure like that’s that’s a great question actually but you’ve been um uh sober for how long my whole life see I think that’s a big part of it too yeah I never tried anything because there’s so much stress in using and you’re producing
Cortisol and adrenaline and that’s what ages you really they’re like where’s my fix I need to I need my weed where’s the dealer like it’s so interesting when you see someone who is you know so many of my friends are I’m not going to say addicted to self- diagnos but are weed
Heads and they do it to chill out and I got my weed and I’m so relaxed Califoria sober yeah if that ease driver is 5 minutes late we’re we got to go you know I mean I’m like your police chill person I know when you’re not stoned because it lowers your tolerance
For discomfort when you’re not on it so it’s kind of like you know it’s interesting like when they’re not high they’re so much more stressed out than they would be if they didn’t smoke weed at all in the first place you know kind so um are you sober person you know what
I’m not like actively totally sober I I basically stopped everything you know before I got pregnant I had a you know I’m an ACA it’s a 12-step program for adult children of Alcoholics so it’s like if you grew up in alcoholism and I kind of just I got we call them par
Alcoholics like parents alcoholic my parents were alcoholics and then as a result you kind of become addicted to Adrenaline cortisol the internal drug cabinet we call it you know and you find yourself just you know as you get older you start dating drug addicts and be finding yourself in really dramatic
Situations all the time if you need to be somewhere 4:00 and it takes half an hour to get there you leave at like 3:35 just to make sure you’re going to you know what I mean be in a fast and furious movie you know and then you’re addicted to uh perfectionism and control
Because you always were trying to control people and uh growing up you were a parentified child you tried to be perfect we’re addicted to work and overachieving sort of stuff like that stuff that’s like a little more rewarded but it’s still something you kind of got
To get ahead of and it wasn’t until the pandemic that I really was like you know what I should it probably would be progress in a in a way to not be as abstemious as I am um also you know as a comic like I could never do the thing
Where I could drink or go on stage like I was just always you know work was my primary addiction yeah and um and I did kind of start smoking a little weed and it wasn’t didn’t get too out of hand but when I did it it felt like it was like
Tantum out to when people binge like like um who was on my I think it was Dr Drew uh came on my podcast and was talking the difference between someone who’s like Drinker who has to drink every day all the time or the person who binges they might only drink once a week
Or once every two weeks but when they do they black out but they don’t have to do it every single day that was kind of what I did with weed like Edibles like I would take an edible and my brain said you got a dud take another one you got a dud like
It would get so specific it would be like oh the weed didn’t distribute properly in the oven when they made the cookie you got one with like I my and that that’s what I I heard when I would go to like double winners meetings is that people would be like you know the
The vo is in your head so then i’ be like I have to take another one like ah that one didn’t hit I just have a higher tolerance than most people and then I would have gone through like 17 of those weed blueberries and so I was like okay
That’s not for me this doesn’t chill me out also I found it like I don’t know maybe it’s just not a match for my personality and people that smoke a lot of weed are like no but you got to do the hybrid like you can’t just say weed
Didn’t work for me they have to tell you they’re like no you have to have the Rice Krispie Treat one like they’ve always got some the next one yeah some if you just do it via tincture and you’re like it’s not a match for my
Brain man I felt like so much of it one out of every five times I did it it was great and then I was like this is kind of a gambling addiction for me because I’d be like okay last week I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich then I
Smoked the we so I was like trying to recreate the high that I got back then but one out of every five times it would be a chill High and the other four I would be like Googling like trying to find Shelley miscavage in the Scientology ships and I would just be
Like texting my friends like are you mad at me like I just super paranoid yeah it didn’t like bring out the best in me all the time and then in January I’ve talked about this a little bit before I discovered um after I lost a uh my mom
And was on some grief and just trying to numb myself I did the mushroom everyone’s micro doing mushrooms all of a sudden and got kind of into that and that was definitely not for me yeah that’s a lot of people doing that yeah I
And I it got a little out of hand for sure like I found myself yeah really just kind of like Get is it kind of like emotional well I was using it to check out instead of check in okay you know I think that it seems like mushrooms can
Be very medicinal for people you can take them and have a you know I was just doing it to not feel pain instead of to expand my brain and like be more creative I just was trying to numb myself and that’s really and I think I also we’re we’re already compassionate
People like for the most part people are like oh I’m taking this to have compassion and forgive people I’m like I’m too forgiving I let people in my life after they hurt me I like loan people money after they’ve lied to me and stolen from me I was like last thing
I knew right now is more compassion and so I got really obsessed with Hitler um wow yeah yeah I I started getting what just like watch reading stuff about start yeah like I just like how did this happen yeah like I’m going to get to the like I need to
Crack the case is he in Argentina yeah I like yeah right yes I think he might be actually yeah there’s a lot of Nazis in Argentina there is but it I think there do you ever see the swimming pools you can look online down at a swimming pool
And it has a swas on the bottom of the pool you look online the Nazis that got out yeah like in Argentina like in in like in the mountains you can look down you the sandals Argentina just has like a swas just the pool bottom is a big
Swas you look down from you can see it online it’s crazy oh [ __ ] you shouldn’t have told me that my wife is probably doing Edibles when she found that too as well I but they also think that his body might be in Russia I don’t know I have a
Book about his doctor I have his art I have a book about his art well I started taking mushrooms and I think something started happening where I was like you know texting friends of mine uh literally like the most famous people I know being like we haven’t solved Flint
Like the water and Flint is still dirty you guys we need to start posting We need to start tweet we need to use our platforms like I got really into like solving problems that are very out of my control wow I for about Flint I got very obsessed with the um Saudis
Uh wow I got into the Saudis and how they’re putting money into Disney and Amazon and how deep they just bought Golf and like what they’re about to buy and you know there’s a lot of like Chinese money buying are you on the dark
Web too I I’m not on the dark web I [ __ ] that is I just know how to say you know any website I go to I I make sure it gets dark but I don’t know how to get to 4 Chan and 8 Chan and all that crazy I
Don’t want to see any of that [ __ ] oh I’d be full sound of Freedom do you watch the news a lot do you pay attention what’s going on I Tred to but I try not to do it so much that I get desensitized I really spooked myself
Like I don’t know a couple months ago when there was a school shooting and I just scrolled right past it and I was like that’s not good yeah like that’s not good so maybe I need to like watch a little bit less of this yeah I kind of
Zone I try to not really look at stuff either and stay in my little world that’s not that hard because I I kind of give up at one pay wall it’s amazing how to be like are we a nuclear war with Russia and I’ll be
Like oh my God are we and it’s like two doll I’m not paying $2 I’m not putting my credit card like I kind of know nothing because I refused to pay $3 for the RO Street Journal that’s so good and what about politics too do you kind of
Stay out of that or post about stuff you know I definitely don’t post about it I know I feel like there no way now if I like repost I reposted my friend rap report stuff and people flipped on me because of that like I’m trying to support my friends and what’s going on
But I really don’t know too much about it I’m not trying to get like it’s It’s Tricky man it’s like for me and I don’t mean to be too calculated you know I try to like trust my gut and just whatever but at the same time it’s like as a
Comic like our job is to be a respit from like the [ __ ] like I I want people to go every time I go to her page I’m going to laugh every time I see her talk she’s going to say something that’s going to make me laugh distract me from
My life and if I start tricking people with like now I’m going to talk about Trump or now I’m going to wait on politics they’re like GH like there’s enough of that yeah there’s enough of that and there’s other people that are super qu like I’ll make fun of it like
You know I feel like politics has kind of become like sports for dorks at this point it’s just like it’s basically know the Dallas Cowboys versus the 49ers the way people just want to fight so there’s no point in trying to get in and have any Nuance at this point and also it’s
Like to me it’s so ridiculous like I did this gig in um The Hamptons uh like they just there’s a theater up there and I go up and it’s where like with the richest people in the world live politicians it’s this kind of like cosplay simulation where rich people pretend
They’re Farmers interesting in like $50 million homes that have like windmills but like have you ever been I never the Hampton no I hear stories though yeah dude world this place is like like I don’t know if there’s tunnels underneath the house I mean this is where like if
There’s Illuminati if there’s like deep State like this is it but it drives me nuts cuz it’s someone that like comes from like you know like I grew up at half in DC half in Virginia yeah West Virginia but it’s like when rich people go to pretend they’re poor like it’s
Like they stop and they get fruit from a Fruit Stand but like the girl working at the Fruit Stand is like Steven Spielberg’s knees like just it’s just like in order to get your trust fund we need you to have a summer job you know kind of thing and she’s just like and
You know they’re paying like $42 for like six pairs I mean it’s just like the whole thing is like you know but it’s where like really rich people live but I like to go around and like ask like whose house is that like who I want the
Star maps of the Hamp I’m such white trash like I’m like I don’t belong here I don’t get this but it’s like the most you know famous leftwing politicians and the most famous or successful what what do you call them prominent rightwing they live right next to each other their
Neighbors their kids all go to the same schools they live in all the same neighborhoods like they get each other’s Amazon packages like these people are like that’s interesting and we’re all torn apart about it meanwhile they’re all yeah they’re kind of like you know
What are you going to vote on it’s fine whatever it’s fine like it’s I don’t know it just feels so silly that that we’re all destroying ourselves and they’re all kind of have houses in the same places yeah I feel like that’s how it should be in the real world off off
The internet just having conversations and being into different things and different sides of stuff politics yeah but I think a lot of people want to check out you know and I think that it’s like unless you’re Bill Mah or you know Jim Jeff or Rogan or what and you’re
Talking about that kind of stuff I think it’s like important to not stay the same or be like I have a brand that’ll sounds really corny but I just I don’t want people to lose trust in every time I like go to her Instagram or go to her
Tik Tok like I might get tricked and have to think about politics when I’m really just trying to be entertained yeah and are you pretty uh about getting canceled and stuff like that or just posting certain things or talking about things that you always thinking about
That when you write or post I’d rather get cancelled than like disappoint someone or not be funny you know me I’d rather you just see the photo of me dressed as a gisha when I was 20 like I did it I’m fully holding my hands in
Like a weird racist prayer mode I I saw Miss Saigon I thought it was cool I read Memoirs of AGA wow fully I have the photo queued up for if any of my friends get unfairly cancelled to be like dude I’m ready to jump on this grenade so I
Haven’t released this photo I’m in a full Kon it’s on the web or nothing it’s I’m in a full kimono I feel like I could probably find it wow yeah it’s wild but like we all did it we all had wild Halloween costumes whatever like yeah I
Feel like everybody does things in their life that’s none of us are perfect and it’s like at the I mean I I thought it was cool yeah at the time I W you know I mean they came after Gwen safani 30 years later for the Bindy they tried to
Oh God it’s crazy that’s why I mean but does anyone care no they tried to coup years ago was so silly and who’s they I know that’s what I’m saying yeah these people are sick and suffering they’re it’s like we’ve turned 500 idiots on the internet and to everybody that’s a great
Point and when it comes to Comics like honestly I think that like when people try to cancel us it’s honestly we should just send them Edible Arrangements because it usually just makes them bigger or becomes a you become the best PR people you don’t understand you’re just helping them because people go oh
This person’s racist and then let me see that racist joke and you’re like the special’s great isn’t racist is great this is hilarious that’s what happened to Chappelle every time people try to cancel Rogan or resurface old clips his his viewership just goes up Shane Gillis
Is doing Arenas you know if he had not gotten fired from SNL he would be doing you know Vasser if he was lucky you know even L CK’s back I think he had that big speci an award for it or something just off his website watch it was great yeah
Massive so I feel like yeah it comes in waves people getting canceled and then it’s okay for them to come back like has anyone been cancelled that hasn’t done something illegal yeah like who like name like I can’t I mean like who’s been like aiz anari like that was like it’s
Interesting because the aiz thing and the Louis CK thing I feel like happened like kind of before Cosby uh there’s a comedian that um sometimes does the road with me Ron on hbur he has a really funny joke where he goes I think we could all agree that we owe PeeWee Herman an
Apology you know this is before pee died obviously he had he was wearing a suit in a movie theater and did it in the dark like a gentleman you know like Lou CK and all this stuff like happened and then all of a sudden Cosby happened and
It was like uh the fact that it’s a society we weren’t like okay now we have some perspective on what’s actually like criminal opposed to just like creepy and kind of out of line or whatever but um I think it was aiz anari he kind of just
Like went on a weird date yeah and you know and I think that you know dating someone too young you’re obviously going to take the risk of someone who’s conflating feelings and facts and whatever but they kind of just like had bad sex yeah and and uh you know that’s
Why I say date older we don’t give a [ __ ] like literally they was like the girl’s complaint she was like yeah he took me to dinner we back to his place we had wine and he you know was ate me out weird I was like hold on is this guy
Single he has a place he said why like who is this Prince Charming like it’s so like you know that’s when it gets frustrating when during me too guys like well all you women are like I’m like no this is 20 year olds that’s it yeah it’s so
Crazy I know that she even said that yeah she like wrote like a whole thing yeah it just was like you know I don’t know I think this this date older women we don’t even know our Twitter passwords you guys like we don’t even know how to
Cancel you yeah but yeah I think there’s definitely a fear you know I think Comics like you know for the most part you know I think a more interesting sort of thought about cancellation it’s just like how badly we want to love be loved and make people laugh and and when
Someone’s like this offended me it’s like we’re the first to go like [ __ ] you jokes are jokes but it’s also like I just want I want you to think I’m funny like I don’t want to offend anyone you’re trying to he everybody’s feeling but I also think we have to stop giving
Out our comedy for free on Twitter because like comedy is not meant to be written and read right because I mean you write okay so it is meant to be written I mean it’s not meant to be read by somebody else so it’s like half of
Comedy is it’s written half of it is being performed so if I write it put it on Twitter the deliver is up to you right I don’t know how you’re going to read it I also don’t know comedy’s all about context right it’s meant to be delivered in a shitty Club underground
Or in a theater in a context if we’ve all had a couple drinks we’re here we know we’re going to see comedy on Twitter like I don’t know what this abortion joke is going to be sandwiched between in your feed true it could be between Trump’s running again which is
Upsetting to a lot of people and like Trump’s going to jail also upsetting to a lot of people whatever I don’t know what I’m coming in between and you might be at work at 2: in the afternoon like not in the head space to hear this abortion joke or maybe you don’t follow
Me and someone else retweeted it yeah and all of a sudden you’re like this is offensive like cuz you don’t follow comedians because you’re a [ __ ] nerd but like that kind so I think a lot of it’s happening on Twitter because we’re giving away comedy for free and there is
Something psychological about like when someone pays for something versus when they just get it for free are you on Twitter I am I like yeah sorry I’m not like act Super Active I’ll like post standup clips and stuff but I’m not like trying to weigh in on every little thing
I like when Dave Chapelle said last year he said I heard they heard they’re mad at me on Twitter but thank Twitter is not a real place it was so good so true da Chappelle he’s incred he don’t give a [ __ ] he’s so Punk Rocky he doesn’t give
A [ __ ] give a [ __ ] I feel like he kind of shut down lot of the cancel culture [ __ ] too by just all the stand-ups and stuff he was just talking about like but it’s also it’s like what’s going on with like we’re Comics like it’s also let’s
Grow some [ __ ] balls like you’re tell like we it’s our job to be brave it’s our like I I don’t also don’t play the thing is like we are the champions of free speech as long as you think I’m funny as long as you agree with me I
Believe in free speech like if you don’t think I’m funny you don’t deserve to have free speech so if someone’s like Whitney I don’t think you’re funny I’m like that you get to have that opinion you do that I don’t get to go like you’re an [ __ ] because you don’t
Think I’m funny it’s like you know what I mean there’s a lot of great music that I don’t get there’s a lot of great art that I’m like I don’t get it whatever so it’s like you know this whole thing that we’re supposed to appeal to everybody if
You appeal to everyone you’re probably not that interesting it’s true you know I think like I’d Rather Be Loved or hated than kind of like down the middle same 100% you know what I mean cuz at least if someone hates me like I’m saying something interesting yeah I feel
Like if everybody loves you you’re not something off there like if people hate you that means you’re actually doing something good sense I don’t know and like I’d like to be able to go like you know right up to the edge or you know say [ __ ] that’s a little bit polarizing
Also it’s like I don’t mean to play like the gender thing but like being a female comic like you just there was this is the like best it’s gone when half the people hate you you’re like oh my God half the people like me this is crazy
You know what I mean like it’s just kind of you know know it’s it’s not for everybody so I’m just happy to be here well you so you I know you grew up in Georgetown right yeah yep do you remember smash records of course well
The whz was my [ __ ] the whz yeah the whz nobody beats the Wiz but yeah Dave gr was on my podcast and we basically we talked about music stores in DC for like 45 minutes dude smash was the [ __ ] for me going there all the time kid I Liv in Maryland yeah
Okay where St Mary’s County I lived in south southern Maryland yeah okay nice do you remember Commander salamander [ __ ] yes okay doc Martin’s all that [ __ ] day Manic Panic let’s go yes so my neighbor um uh shout out Wendy as railson who owned Commander salamander her daughter Zoe as railson was like my
Neighbor and best friend so we got to after school every day go hang out at Commander salamander and that’s where we discovered like so much music so you know everything whole that was like the original kind of Hot Topic I would say like yeah but it was a little more
I like up against the wall The Original Hot Topic I feel like Commander salamander was like a little more legit like it just just in terms of um if you shopped there like no one would employ you you know what I mean you know what I mean trash and Vaudeville you remember
That spot in New York what was it called trash and Vaudeville oh it’s the same thing on Lis side like at Nate street that was it was like real deal like like this is a lifestyle you’re we’re doing this yeah and uh smash said more Punk t-shirts and records and stuff like that
And stickers but yeah I came in a sell had like bondage pants and [ __ ] docks spikes ever spike collar yeah the whole deal I mean so shocking back then I I just remember like the that’s where I would get like black lipstick that’s where I would get the Manic Panic hair
Dye like that was the whole thing and I would just and remember they had oh they had like all these like nose rings and um face but yeah probably but remember they had a little like um what’s that called it was like a display case and it would go in circles
And I would just sit there and just like watch it just watch watch it probably 88 or 9 yeah cuz my friend’s mom uh owned it so we got to just like sit in there incubate like watch the people come in and you know and then whenever there was
Like a big band in town they would like swing by that place was like for real and it was right across from the whz oh down like a couple blocks M Street’s so different now M Street dude Georg toown we say like we were in Georgetown it
Already sounds so bougie but like at the time it was not remember key theater or was up there that’s where I saw kids for the first time was like kind of right there um right now Georgetown has gotten so corporate and so preppy it’s like Restoration Hardware and like New York
Yeah I guess it is I guess like most places that used to have like a grit to it now have just gotten really corporate I mean I just got back from Austin where South Congress used to be food trucks and vintage cowboy boot stores and now
It’s like a Nike Town and like wow yeah and like AES store and you’re like what’s happening you remember the Exorcist stairs of course I do so sick of course I did was it was it in Georgetown off M Street maybe yeah it was on it was on M Street yeah like
Right across from Yates like Georgetown University which I recently learned I guess I would have known this was built by slaves wow yeah white house too Jesus man I don’t know why I feel I need to just throw throw throw grenades than for those facts um so were you were you were
You into punk as a young yeah so I mean look I was like I mean I definitely was like a poser about it like my I have an older brother oh my god dude I can’t I’m like yeah I I would steal my brother’s fugazi shirts um you know and I see you
Still rocking fugazi shirt yeah yeah I I collect I collect A Minor Threat fugazi shirts and bad brain shirts which if you’re collecting bad brain shirts you’re going to go broke real fast oh this incredible ones online yeah yeah yeah you have eye against eye one do I
Is it yellow no no you have that one that’s uh the I have the Y the yellow one is I don’t want to tell you what that cost me but there you find vintage shs offline so there’s this dealer this guy in Japan maybe he lives in Pensacola
Let’s be honest I don’t know but he I was able to get one and he was like I’ll throw in this and this but I’m I’m like deep into negotiating for bad brain shirts so do you look for them all the time yeah it’s kind of a it’s kind of a
Problem did you get to see them back then I I got to see them I want to say maybe at tra maybe at the 9:30 Club I remember going with my brother once great venue great ven you played there a couple times been to a lot of shows there yeah
What but okay I’ve never played as a performer is it as amazing as being in the audience there we play with that band clutch remember that band clutch of yeah yeah but what about it like is it just it’s just cool because I see those Minor Threat videos from there I see
That Pole right in the middle the way it’s set up I have a cool picture of showy it’s like me diving the crowd a sick of all show there like an ‘ 89 I’ll um every couple if I’ll do like smaller venues and I’m able to do meet
And greets like every every now and then someone will be wearing a 9:30 Club shirt I’m just like ah do you have one of those uh you know what I don’t I need get one but I have the book I have the coffee table book oh I got that too yeah
Which I love shirt though yeah we got to get that I looked on Etsy and a couple of them didn’t I know I’m such a dork I looked on Etsy when he comes is buying all the hardcore shirts online oh dude I’m telling you but sometimes they’re
Fake ones you you know the good ones are going to run you 80 80 to yeah those are probably more on eBay right than Etsy who I I don’t even know anymore there’s so many things like I don’t like I kind of like I feel like we’re at the point
In our lives careers as adults where it’s not corny cuz I like I feel like such a poser but you saw them so that’s thing totally that’s like all kids were shirts and all these differentt I was probably 13 14 yeah and then as far as
The straight edge thing I was very into mxpx what they were just on my podcast he dropped a new record awesome dudes with him yeah wow um so yeah I was very into that and I was Pok stuff I was straight edged more because no one
Invited me to do draw like I wasn’t cool you know what I mean like DC like I ran with like you know an older sibling who was friends with like I don’t know if you remember like Sea King like the graffiti artist like was you know but
His little brother and I would like hang out and he was straight edged so I was like I guess I’m straight edged you know yeah but if someone had offered me drugs I would have totally done it I just wasn’t cool enough to be offered um so
You listen to my threat back then all that stuff yeah back then it see vazi too before I know damn no incredible man no do you remember when Dave Gro did the was it Sonic highways so cool so cool that episode The Bad Brains all that stuff was incredible and also I didn’t
Until later in life get into go- Go music I mean being specifically d d when dude it is just like I can’t Trouble Funk EU rare Ence listening to Trouble Funk like it is changes your cellular mitochondria there’s just like something about and I don’t know so special so special and it’s so
Energizing and it’s just so like I like watching um YouTube videos of it cuz they’re all just stretched you know some of the songs go on for like 18 minutes and there’s really no other go-o scene in this world besides like DC and Baltimore specifically DC Baltimore wasn’t it yeah
Minor threat’s last show was with uh Trouble Funk it’s kind of crazy shows and the hip-hop those shows together what’s Ian like he’s just the coolest yeah you get you get to meet him someday for next time you go to DC I’ll set it up I there’s like who are the people
That you’re kind of like I just don’t know if what to it’s crazy because I’ve met Nas Jay-Z Madonna I’m in the Madonna book I have a tattoo with her I met her three times she was my childhood everything that was amazing but sending Ian postcards in the
80s and him writing me back and then slowly becoming going to going to Discord and becoming friends with this person he’s still my hero and like my God but like he’s still the person you know just like his lyrics I’m a person just like you but when you go to Discord
And you knock on the door and he answers and you go in there it’s like everything’s there every original lyric every postcard I was here two weeks ago he pulled out a postcard from my brother who was in The Offspring he pulled out a brother letter my brother wrote to him
In 1989 he had the postcard and showed it to me he has everything archived dude it’s unreal I just feel like I’d meet him and spend the rest of my life being like why did you say that why the [ __ ] did you say that like I like Durty
Dancing like I carried a watermelon like I would just be like why did you say that you should have said that was so stupid like I get it’s like having a crush on a boy like it would be that I would wouldn’t be able to live with
Myself if I you think you totally geek out said something stupid You Think Geek out or be totally quiet you know what I mean but it’s also it’s like to be like you know Minor Threat like he’s H it all and he knows like you I I I don’t trust
Myself like I had this really bad experience when I met Ellen shocker um the first time I met Ellen whatever I my friends had some experiences yeah I did her show after whatever like she she is what he is she had a lot of [ __ ] happen
To her like whatever um she’s gone right off the T okay I don’t know I’m just I don’t keep anyone Secrets dude um and I’m not saying whatever you guys can decide what how you feel about this story so I was at the People’s Choice Awards and if
You’re the People’s Choice Awards that means you like won like they are they only invite you if You’ won I don’t know if I’m allowed to out that um but yeah I mean look um and I love that I become this weird Hollywood snitch oh my go
People Choice words are fake s Arabia is buying up Apple like what am I [ __ ] is wrong with me but um so I’m there and Ellen’s right in front of me and you know they have like seat fillers like at these music shows at these award shows
Like the celebrities and and the people on shows they’re where the cameras are but everyone else is like got to I don’t know if they get paid or if they just to come they get paid like 50 bucks cash they look good whatever and they’re just
Seat fillers and so my guest and she probably just thought it was a seat filler which fine too if she who cares um but she kind of looks turns around and she looks right at me and I guess I just I I’m so grateful to her like I
Have friends that like didn’t kill themselves because she came out as gay and they you know like course and super inspirational you never know what you’re going to do when you see someone that legendary and iconic I loved her sitcom like I loved it it was so well done it
Was so funny like cuz when it came out um it was on for a couple years and then friends came out and started just crushing it in the ratings and she would make fun of friends within the show like if someone you know came to her coffee
Shop cuz she had a coffee shop too and then friends had this big coffee shop and someone would be like hey can I get an almond latte she’s like we don’t sell that you might want to go down to Central Perk like they’re like she was
Like clowning on F like it was just like so I just I loved it and I was a fan her specials were also incredible and she great ones yeah like the bit where she when you when you trip in public you look behind you oh yeah yeah to like
Just in case someone’s looking you’re like what was what did I you know like just like she was brilliant and um and forget that she was brilliant okay and so she turns around looks right at me and I just I just said I just was like
Look I I’m a comedian I just want to let you know like I love you and I’m you know she’s heard this a billion times I know just saying and I just was like thank you for all that you’ve done and I’m I have friends that literally are
Alive because of you and thank you for coming she’s probably heard that 15 times today whatever and so I just give this whole speech and then she just goes okay whoa and turns back around which I know that she didn’t sign up for that in that moment cuz normally if you’re
Sitting with a bunch of famous people they know not to act like that but I I a bad day I don’t know or I just I didn’t know my place and I should have just whatever I just I believe if you like someone you should tell them 100% you
Know what I mean this whole thing when people come up to you and they’re like oh Toby Mark oh yeah I heard it oh cool yeah yeah oh you’re mute and you’re like yeah oh I don’t want to be stop playing it cool no one’s cool if
You like someone tell them I don’t know and you did it you felt bad after that or no and then she turned around and then I just started disassociating and basically saying my inner monologue out loud in a Southern accent I just like pan I literally P I’ve never had this
Happen before I was like all right well I guess we’re going to have to the show’s going to start soon and I just like went into like said I don’t know why I’m bringing this up oh I feel like Ian Ian I would do something like that
And just be too unctuous but he’d probably be very cool about it totally cool about it he gets it all the time too but he knows how to handle it too and he loves like talking and showing you all the things in Discord and like wow it’s very surreal man it’s like he
Seems very down to earth too everyone says he’s just like he’s like the epitome of like uh punk rock he’s everything that it’s was about and he’s still about that life you know what I mean like his ethics his DIY everything how he lives his life his record label
Yeah and it’s it’s probably like one of the last standing Punk houses in the world in America proba probably Discord you got to go there next time you DC I would love to I would make that happen I would love to it’s I know and I do I
Mean it’s funny like Kevin Christie I don’t know if you know a comic also brilliant fine artist um done a lot of art for albums like BC boys and stuff like that and he um he’s awesome and he um whenever I have to make a decision
About should I do this TV show should I do this movie should I do this thing he goes just be the minor of whatever you’re doing wow you know what I mean awesome like that’s on a Post-It note in my just be that so the answer is no the
Answer is no yeah you know I mean oh well we’ll pay them next week nope you pay them now you know it just that’s the true north yeah I think that’s I think it’s cool how the impact of his music had and the career that you do as a
Comedian everything you do that he affected your life too because it’s you have to be braver you just have to be braver at all times and you just have to take the risk and if less people like me that’s fine too cuz I’d rather have less people that are dope than more people
That are corny and like and like I love like this this photo it’s like you have to think your fans are cool to perform like this yeah cuz you’re in their lap yeah literally that’s how it I started yeah no barricades that stuff it that’s it so
It’s like has to be people that you would actually [ __ ] with that you want to be around and I remember touring with a couple comedians in the beginning you know before I had any kind of like fan base or any of that kind of thing and
They hated their fans and I was like that’s my nightmare to to project some kind of you know image that that or uh be doing jokes that attract a kind of audience that I don’t want to hang out with and their fans come up to them to
Take pictures and they’re like oh God [ __ ] you know anyone that comes up to me at my shows I’m like what’s up dude yeah you do that all the time after the shows it’s awesome you know CU then I get to meet them and I’m going like all
Right if you think I’m cool I must be doing something right you know yeah I love that you do that and that’s very Punk that’s like at a show we’ll play a show and then after that we’ll be meet us at the merch booth and we’ll be over
There hanging out talking to people at the buying a t-shirt it’s the exact same thing like you’re equal with everybody if I go to Cincinnati and you’ve come to my show like I you’re the I want to hang out with you yeah me because I was because there’s times you’re like I know
This joke will get a laugh but like ah it doesn’t feel it it doesn’t feel honest like it feels corny it feels like a shortcut like I don’t know like the kind of people that are going to pay money to see this I probably don’t want
To hang out with like I doesn’t feel right you know yeah so have you become friends with some of your fans or is that tricky no it’s not that tricky I mean I’ve dated one okay um so extreme yeah there’s like a couple like I mean
For me in general like I don’t have to tell you like I did a couple years ago have to go like I can’t take on new friends any fans otherwise you know what I mean cuz it’s just like we’re so in capacity and like you know I’m trying to
Get to a place where I have like five or 10 tight people and then our acquaintances and whatever yeah keep tons of friends you know get older too man but I’ll hate I mean I’ll literally wherever I go like St Louis like where are we going after let’s go hang out for
A couple hours you know hang out everybody yeah but also doing like IG lives or like doing live podcasts and like it’s never anyone whack as long as you’re being authentic and telling the truth I love that and sometimes that means not being funny all the time yeah
It’s true yeah people expect you be on at all times huh yeah not so much anymore I think like podcasting has changed that a little bit I think podcasting you know cuz it used to just be like you would see comedians once every two years and they would you know
Or you see them on The Tonight Show you see them on Letterman whatever like pop up here and there like doing you’d only see them be funny but now it’s like you hear us talk about our depression for two hours and just like going to the
Pumpkin patch and you know what I mean I’m like that’s why podcasting was really hard for me in the beginning where cuz I was like I feel like we’re just like bombing for 3 hours but I think people like kind of want to hear the wir tap they want to hear the hang
You know you think people miss miss the mystery of like people that they love and look up to because we give it we give them everything like yeah at the laundry mat I’m getting this [ __ ] vegan [ __ ] cupcake do you know what I mean liid death I don’t know it’s just I
Think that it’s a couple things I think like it’s important to not um I think if you’re feeling yourself repeating yourself or just talking for the sake of talking like that’s no you have to make sure you’re always just kind of like to be interesting you have to be interested
In what you’re saying you know but I think it’s important to stay like a little bit mysterious as long as you’re like also taking care of yourself and like art to imitate life you have to have a life so to make sure like you’re going out in the world and getting
Experience so on podcast you’re not just talking about podcasting I mean I remember like I got to the point when I was you know because it’s also once you get anyone asks you to do stuff the idea of saying no is also so crazy like I
Would get asked to do these talk show appearances you know because it’s a comic like you usually you know you come in you’re going to be funnier than probably the average actor not not for any fault of their own you know they their parents read to them I’m happy for
Them but Comics were like like me you know so I to many and I found myself being like I’m literally a professional guest at this point I’m like on Letterman going like you can catch me on L tomorrow night I’m on W Williams next I’m just like promoting other talk show
Appearances but that’s like how it used to be you know in order for anyone to see you now it’s like anyone can see you for hundreds of hours any moment and like you don’t know like like what people are I think the crazier thing is that you know if you’re really committed
To growing and changing as a person as an artist like some [ __ ] you talked about on a podcast even like a year ago might not be who you are anymore so true you know what I mean and you’re kind of like G like it’s just cringy but like
Yeah it’s also It’s Fashion on some level and you got to go like H like those pants were cool at the time like that hairstyle was [ __ ] slamming when it was slamming and like if someone watches something now that I said four years ago and it’s just like it would
Embarrass me now like that’s fine yeah and there’s we only shown like a teeny bit of ourselves on social media too it’s not 100% us yeah people think that’s all of us like one post represents everything we’re about yeah it’s frustrating sometimes yeah totally do you engage with people like DMS and
Stuff for sure do you do too I do I try to I try to but like you know it’s it it becomes a little bit like for some people one too many a million not enough like you respond to people a couple times and then they expect it always and
Then they’re like all right [ __ ] okay so and you’re like yeah twice I don’t know what else I saw you read that yeah yeah totally you left me on you left me on red dude I don’t know you don’t [ __ ] know you that’s the thing we’re all strangers we kind of stopped doing
IG lives I feel like that was like like I don’t see how many people do them anymore during the pandemic I mean I like Peak IG lives and then we kind of like stopped huh it’s interesting do you have a lot of uh friends growing up you have no that’s such a good
Question that’s such a good question and that was such a sad answer I was kind of a loner growing up um and didn’t have you have a sister and a and a half brother yeah older um so I I didn’t have a lot of friends I was kind of a weirdo
I was kind of a weirdo my mom my mom worked um bless her heart like first generation of women like working a ton I would like after school have to go to work with her she worked at Bloomingdales Tyson’s Corner tyon cor I know that yeah and so I had basically
Lived in department stores and wow my first drug of choice was disassociating and fantasy and I would like walk around department stores and pretend I was in movies and you know my dad uh was always watching Ronnie Dangerfield in SNL and I couldn’t get his attention
So I just very early went like I need to get in that box and if I get that that’s interesting if I get in that box I’ll get his attention so I just spent most of my childhood after that and and a lot of the teen teenage years just like
Practicing getting in the box and being in the box and it’s wow it’s kind of wild yeah i”d be like in department stores like ises I became a department store model you know what a little bit a a little bit I started modeling in department stores and then doing like
Informal modeling and I think that it actually really helped with building my sort of ability to talk to people and do stand up and confidence because I was the person that had to go up to people and be like on the fourth floor that we’re selling this and the panty hose
Are on sale and I talking to adults I was like a perfume and they were like didn’t you’re like the annoying person who’s like would you like some perfume like do you want want a migraine you know and so having to be annoying like for a living and and and talk to people
Will um help me I think especially that young also talking to adults and just being like yeah yeah having to be so precocious so young and yeah getting into modeling young is definitely not healthy don’t recommend it to anyone um but it definitely I did a lot of like
Fit modeling which is when you just stand there and they like you know sew it on your body and you just like have to entertain yourself and but it’s a lot it’s very like lonely yeah was your were your parents strict that’s such a good question godam raed Roman Catholic right
Uh I was raised yeah like it was kind of I mean but it was really um HP hypocritical typee but it was interesting cuz my parents were very um hands-off in a lot of ways very like neglectful in a but let you do your thing they trusted you but when they
Were strict they were really strict because it was also like dude we grew up at a time where it was like go out and play come back before dark totally like running around Georgetown running around montro Park like you know like just come back before dark and which kids don’t
Know when it’s going to get dark yeah either so it just gets dark and you’re like [ __ ] they just trying when the street lights come on yeah you’re just like trying to get home in the dark you just go home with some other kid and then they have to call your parent you
Know you were fine you were safe you were out there it’s interesting I think it’s good for I mean I don’t know I think that’s illegal now you could do that now when did that become illegal I if it’s illegal but you’re running in the Parks like super young like that I
Don’t think I don’t think parents allow that there was a woman that I think she went to jail because her kid was playing across the street and she was like looking through a window like doing the dishes and her kid was someone called child services on I don’t know how old
The kid was or something but um that’s wild to me but yeah like ran around like total just Rugrats shoplifting you know just get wild Maniacs of course like you know I knocking over mailboxes with shovels I mean that’s why it’s like that’s some real [ __ ] from back then
Like when people are like my someone was negative to me online this kid called me ugly I’m like okay so now comments like destroy your self-esteem like we destroyed property totally we toilet paper people’s houses we threw eggs at people’s cars like destroyed the finishes on your vehicle I
Mean we would take a shovel drive by a mailbox and knock it over there was a name of that to the baseball bat too we did that too yeah I mean like psycho dude um and but my parents actually had like a very I think if your kids are
Growing up in DC in like certain areas I’m sure there’s other ones that are tantum out it was very much like my dad was like look I know you’re going to do smoke I know you’re going to drink do it in my house you know that was his thing
And he would buy us cigarettes he would buy us alcohol CU uid we would go right down by the Zebra Room on Wisconsin um is where we then then you get fake IDs there was a place in Georgetown because he’s like I don’t want you asking some other I know you’re
G to ask some man to do it you know which we did and we would we would totally would have and he did something kind of interesting that you know I don’t know if this is good parenting or bad parenting but he was like never around but did something that was
Actually really effective he was like um okay so I know you’re GNA smoke I know you’re G to do drink do pot smoke pot whatever which is do pot I’m a [ __ ] I am so annoyed that you caught that um they to say that back whatever yeah do
The pot no I just was like um uh it because I was I was my brain was a little bit conflicted sometimes my OCD takes over cuz like also when your parent says that it stops being sexy it was like I know you’re going to smoke
Pot I’ll just get it for you and you’re like well now that takes all the fun out of it you know what I mean like so much of the fun is like hiding it and it being taboo you know but he said he would be like all right so if I find out
That you got in a car with someone that was drinking or if I find out that you were you know got in a car with someone that was smoking pot and driving drunk whatever he was like you’ll never leave the house again damn but if you just
Call me and tell me and have me come pick you up zero punishment I love that so I have to with my son the open communication that’s so important so you learn not to keep secrets so I would like call pay phone you don’t have to
Lie to your parents that’s it I’d be like okay the driver’s drunk you’d be like cool I mean he he would never pick up the phone but I would call and he’d be with hookers and stuff but whatever it’s it was a good theory idea I never
Felt like I had to keep secrets from him and I think if you’re if you’re raising daughters in DC like you kind of got to go like I know what’s going to happen out there let’s just make sure you don’t die like we like Ocean City where did
You go I went to Ocean City summ okay it was so shitty Waldorf skate park I used to go to I was I was always in DC though going to shows were you rith Dewey Bethany no I was just in Maryland I moved from I moved from Newport Rhode
Island as like a punk rock skater to Southern Maryland where I saw my first Confederate flag where I heard the n-word by a white person where I saw I was like a break dancing weirdo straight ed kid I went to high school there and it was [ __ ] it was like culture shock
It was hard for me and then I started going to the shows in DC with my older friends and that’s when I just kind of escaped that little town I was living in you know the first thing I ever did as like a well the first thing I ever did
As like a writer is remember the show Animaniacs yeah I wrote a spec for Animaniacs when I was like 13 14 I was like obsessed with that show and then when I was in college I was such a weirdo I wanted to uh I saved money to
Get a camcorder and I would go to Brooklyn um every weekend uh when I was in college in Pennsylvania and I was in my head making a documentary on female break dancers really yeah and then my camera got stolen I went every weekend for like six months started getting to
Know them and like documenting like how when there were break dancing competitions violence actually went down in the neighborhood so it was like a way to kind of have like a catharsis totally and um was there a lot of women break dancers there at that yeah at not a ton
But it was like they that’s who I was like focusing on primarily that is cool and then my camera got stolen damn there would be some cool footage to have right now I know and it was funny because I was like I’m getting to know them and
Like they really like me and they’re starting to trust me and meanwhile they’re like let’s just be nice to her so we could steal her camera were you into hip hop and stuff too Fair yeah I was into I gotta say like you know I had like a couple CDs that I was
Like lived by and it was really Tribe Called Quest for me best that was that was like my religion and I had it maybe it’s like a form of OCD where I can kind of only focus on one and I discovered more like hip-hop later but Tribe Called
Quest was like kind my life all the records I mean yeah was kind of my life it was also just like and I’m just putting this together now like they were funny also you know what I mean I mean rappers like I’m obsessed with with hip-hop and rap because it is
Usually just jokes like when you look at Lil Wayne lyrics you’re like that’s a [ __ ] killer roast joke dude you know what I mean but it was like do you know the importance of a scab page like it was like silly you know so I think on some level before I discovered comedy
Like hip-hop was like there was a silliness to Tribe Called Quest even though they were also saying like obviously really deep [ __ ] there was like one busting that on your couch and they got Sean Furniture yeah to yes and you’re like oh like that that’s like as
A roast joke you’re like what five dog rest in peace yeah tribe is incredible yeah point five like all our friends would be like all the time they was just there was a silliness and a playfulness to it that I think probably but it was
Hard too the Beats were hard it was just great de soul that whole native tongues queenly tee I loved all that stuff Moy love Yeah Queen Latifa was I mean not a not a game dude she wasn’t I feel like she doesn’t get enough credit I think I know she’s actress now she
Just got so successful at so many other things it’s just sort of you know it’s like she can just do anything but I do remember there was like a moment a couple years ago when like I don’t know I think it was like Rebel Wilson and
Like a bunch of people were like there’s never there’s never been plus siiz women in movies and we need to get and he was like I don’t know man Queen Latifa stared in a bunch of movies like she did was in movies for a while yeah like we
Just how quickly we want to like make up this narrative that you know I’m like do your research homie like that’s not the case um so you moved you moved to Virginia when your parents divorced huh was that kind of culture shock kind of yeah place called ronoke Virginia yeah I
Know Rono yeah I play the boat the boat house or something there yeah yeah yeah yeah that’s first time I saw mxpx was was it was a crazy venue yeah yeah there’s a lot of like straight edge B bands kind of come through there I feel like remember of veil what’s it called
Veil they were from Virginia oh that’s Richmond though yeah yeah okay yeah um and uh and so so I lived there uh cuz we were like running around DC getting in a lot of trouble um had a very were you partying too yeah I was just like you
Know D like just ran away from like literally didn’t go to school for a couple months kind of thing you know I mean and then um went to R Virginia lived on a farm with my aunts and that’s crazy yeah and I was very alone there very solitary didn’t have a lot of
Friends whatever like had a nose ring had blue hair with yeah shaved like Remember When girls would shave the back of the half of their head and then do a ponytail like that was my [ __ ] was that I remember that it it was a thing though but it was annoying because it would
Grow out then you’d have this weird like half mullet like I looked back I’m like what was I doing but I was very much like I had like the the [ __ ] tiptoe pants and the airw walk yes dude the airw walk and it was the big ass jeans
The big ass jeans and the tiny little crop top it’s coming back too it it’s back have you been to Urban outfit or Urban my friend KS rock that stuff now yeah dude could not even walk the pants like if it was raining would be wet up
To your knees pants almost yeah but like a walks were that was that [ __ ] that was the whole thing was it Journeys jenko jeans jenko’s bum equipment was big for us too there like huge bum equipment sweatshirt with like black leggings that was also a thing all that shit’s coming
Back yeah and then there was the like your underwear thong would come out of the pants and sometimes we would did that [ __ ] yeah oh yeah nail still does nailed it and we would kind of put like rhinestones on your underwear line W dude you know what I mean and then
Sometimes we would do a tank top with like a bikini top over it I don’t know there was that was such a weird thing like showing underwear but I mean dudes were doing that Marky Mark was doing that with Calvin Klein’s all that [ __ ] all like your main skill as a graffiti
Artist is you have to run from the cops you know what I mean and we would all wear these pants that were you couldn’t run in you couldn’t [ __ ] get anywhere to were you doing were you doing graffiti too no no no I was like just
Like a your tag was poser no I was just like a poser that would like follow around yeah graffiti artists and stuff but I wasn’t like super Savvy about like like the skate parks in DC like I would have been that skate park rat but I just
Feel like yeah was there many skat Parks I remember there’s cofton skate park I went toland no back then not really man in DC but when I went to Philly uh yeah love Park yep yeah all that so I remember when I was in college like always going by there and it being
Really big damn you know in terms of I a question tell me I skate crazy still I know but like when you walk by like a staircase or like a a railan is it like the way you would also like look at a girl’s butt like you have to like
Imagine what you would do to it like can you walk past like okay for me I never got there I’m I’m a 880s SK so I still skate half pipes okay okay I skate vert I skate mini I don’t skate Street my son’s skate Street my wife works at the
Barrack skate park she runs it for like 10 years so yeah rails I never did that I see I watched my son to I’m like I would never do that but that’s a great point they probably do they look at like a park bench or something like you have
To figure out like how am I going to they see the world different for sure yeah like it must just be so like you said The Exorcist stairs I’m like is that just a skater thing you have to any flight of stairs you have to be like
Have you seen those I bet I could [ __ ] I’m sure it is it must be exhausting as a skateboard it’s kind of beautiful they see things like that through see things like I don’t know that we see them different every time you see like a
Little slope you have to be like if I see keep walking I’m 53 and if I do see like a bank I’m like damn it’d be kind of sick to grind that do you know what I mean you look at it so different it’s like you’re not even checking out women
You’re just checking out like and it’s crazy when the city start put spikes on on top they started putting spikes on things people can it’s not for pigeons no man that’s for those skaters who like are ruining those spots why does it ruin them uh cuz grinding them down shipping the
Brick whatever they’re doing scraping them whatever it’s not more about them getting hurt sorry my dog just farted in a way that’s oh my doct does by the way shocking yo you what is Magna C lad that’s what you what the [ __ ] that means that is that’s what you graduated
That is so embarrassing I know what the [ __ ] it means though it just I guess it means you got decent grades okay I don’t know you’re smart such a [ __ ] dork but also like graduated the better the school you go to the more GR inflation there is I mean college is just a
Eugenics program at this point like I went to a thought what’s thought of as a good school which by the way bragging about going to live League school at this point you’re literally just like I went to a school that took Epstein money like it’s so embarrassing you know
Actually pen didn’t um they sent out a letter specifically saying we did not take any money from Jeffrey Epstein I was like my man but um but I grew up like getting into an ively school for so many people to go there it’s like a formality like their parents
Donated and it’s just a bunch of like like Ivanka Trump is Ivanka right yeah was going there when I was going there like I took it very seriously because I was also paying for it you know what I mean and I had loans and I was like I’m
Going to and I did it in three years instead of four years because four years you do it you know so you can be in sororities and fraternities and everyone’s like trying to meet a business partner or like a wife or like because the same thing with the left and
The right this is why being on the left or the right and rooting for either the all their kids go to the same school schs they go to the homecoming they all [ __ ] it’s money man it’s crazy yeah it’s just all it’s like where rich
People just go to breed and I and I was like going to class like an idiot it was just be like me and like two Asian kids and I’m like I’m going to get an education dude this [ __ ] is a fortune um you know so and I think I I actually am
Glad uh you know I ended up doing it because I did discover I went to I got a communications degree which I know is like the biggest like joke um but there was a professor named Carolyn Marvin and she taught something called the First Amendment she would burn the flag on
Campus every year like super punk [ __ ] like she would you know yeah and she played for us the George Carlin Seven words you can’t say on television and I thought that I wanted to be a journalist uh and I didn’t re and I I in turn you’ll remember this for Barbara
Harrison I don’t know if you remember Barbara Harrison she was at local news in DC which by the way what was your were you DC 101 dc11 was that your radio station um and I was 9 95.5 but DC 101 too and um so I interned
At a local news station in DC and I was like I was like I’m going to be a journalist this is what I’m going to do and you know local news is always so like ridiculous anyway it’s so like Bonkers and they let me make a video
Like a tape where I read local news wow and I couldn’t stop making jokes it was about you know it was always so Sensational it’s always about a kid getting abducted or some [ __ ] and it was like this six-year-old kid was abducted you know and you know by this pedophile
Or something and they put a photo of the kid up and he was like not an attractive kid and was like a little chubby and I was like oh God like who would want to molest him like iow I don’t stand by the jokes but I was couldn’t stop cutting it
With and I was like this is not for me although I think that comedy is sometimes an intersection between like journalism and like being a lawyer that’s what we do we like make a case true like I was like we say something that’s not true and then we prove it
Yeah you know and then we kind of like we think we’re like these journalists being like but this and that you know so I’m glad I learned about those things but ultimately I did sort of figure out like oh comedy like that’s what I’m doing well were you watching comedy you
Were into comedy before that I not particular I was a really serious kid my dad looked exactly like Dan arroy wow like he would sign autographs as Dan arroy and so yeah so I and he my dad was hilarious okay like he we watch like three or four movies on a Loop Three
Amigos Blues Brothers Ruthless People National andon European Vacation like there was always a lot of bad [ __ ] going on in our house but he was all we were always doing like bits like from European Vacation from cone heads from [ __ ] like that and so um I learned like any anytime something serious is
Happening like we’re just like making jokes and cl and then there was a lot of break the tension anger tension that’s the perfect word there’s a lot of tension in my family and there was a lot of passive aggressive like roasting communication instead of just like I’m
Upset with you like at any holiday gathering Thanksgiving when like the aunts and uncles got together it was always like can you pass us all the way you pass around women when you’re married like it was a lot of that [ __ ] you know that’s why I became a great
Rooster and then also my last name is [ __ ] so I got bullied like I was going to ask you about that quite a bit and then you learn how to defend yourself pretty fast wow and then also this is like a I don’t know I know this
Might come off weird but like I was also friends with black girls and like you better be ready to defend yourself you know what I mean you better like know what you’re doing it’s like as Neil Brennan um great you know comedian he says uh a black a
Black uh a white comedian is as funny as a black person you know yeah like full stop so it’s like Froman DC like you know I got to like have black girlfriends and like you just have to get quicker yeah you know you have to be
Able to defend yourself you have to get smarter you have to get funnier get your balls broken exactly exactly get tough skin yeah so then I go out in the world and I’m like B and everyone’s like why are you like what is all this I’m like
Oh did you have white friends so at that moment doing that that read for that what the TV station you felt that I want to try something well I just was like journalism isn’t going to work like I don’t I don’t I H I cannot say something
This sad without breaking making a joke I have some kind of Tourette’s cuz you used to doing that in your house though it makes total sense now yeah yeah but I also was just like why are we being serious about this this is ridiculous you know what I mean and it’s like I
Could not say what everyone was thinking it was like a weird Tourette like I could not stand I think when you grow up in alcoholic home you cannot stand an elephant in the room gotcha you just have to say it yeah you know or just like cut the sadness or it’s just like
Having a lot of sad like we need to cope with this like this kid just got kidnapped and might be dead and was molested yeah you guys are just you’re not GNA laugh about it like to me it’s so obvious the way to cope with this is
To laugh so that otherwise we’re going to blow our [ __ ] brains out you know but then I was like ooh I’m Different like this isn’t a normal reaction but like there’s a business where I can go do this 100% you know um I’m trying to
Think like I didn’t I my dad watched a lot of SNL best it was a lot of like L shark like every time he’d walk in a door land shark it was you know a lot of Rodney dangerfields right and he would use Rodney Dangerfield J to like flirt
With waitresses and stuff and I saw the power of what a joke could do and I also like early when I was writing I actually thought in terms of like and still when I’m writing you know I just did my six special and I still think this way I go
I want to make sure there’s a couple jokes in here that other people could tell remember and tell and like they could kill at work it’s cool or like they could get like they could kill with someone else you know what I mean yeah I love that like I cuz I remember seeing
The magic of being able to say else’s joke I do remember when I was I don’t know maybe like eight or nine my mom’s family is in Texas a small town called Sherman Texas and we found a Seinfeld record the one where he talks about like Florida like moving to Florida Okay and
Like in Florida they have a turn it’s called the eventual left like that whole thing and I I remember it being so funny but that’s but I didn’t have a lot of like standup in my childhood yeah that’s interest so when you graduate you working a job and stuff right there that
About that moment I did mostly uh I was working in doing like working at a couple like little stores and stuff um stupid things but I so the way that I made money like when I moved out to LA I was modeling when I was in Philly going up to New York every
Weekend I did like maternity cataloges and like QVC and like [ __ ] like that um and when I got out to LA my main ways of making money were doing focus groups and clinical trials so there’s like focus groups like you know L’Oreal is coming out with I’m making up Brands like um
But a lot of them were big Brands like this or new Jina like you can sign up to go like they’ll send you the product you’ll try it for two weeks and then you go in they’ll pay you $50 cash to sit in a circle and like say what you thought
Of the product and what you thought could be improved it’s almost exclusively math addicts okay it’s someone that needs $50 cash okay okay like Ace like a me like they’re like shaking and like and I realized very quickly the more you talk they they’ll put you on a list and
They’ll call you back for more focus groups so I was like the [ __ ] nerd that would be like okay so I like the pump like the pump did stick a little bit like serious oh I took it dead serious and they kept and the meth heads
Would be like what the [ __ ] like they out they hated me because I like you know it’s just the packaging I feel like and um and I actually there’s a couple products where by the time they came out I was like I feel like I impacted this
Wow that’s awesome there was one like Cosmetic Company that did like a like a face brush and I was like this just feels like it’s un sanitary cuz after a couple days it did feel like and they put like a sanitary like top on it you
Know I was like that was me um and was actually kind of funny because a lot of the things that would have like side effects it kind of fascinates me because um especially like pills and stuff it kind of is like I call it like the um the seven dwarves of uh side
Effects because there was like the seven of us that were really good and talkative and verbose and annoying and the focus they keep calling us back over and over again but then you get to know them outside of the focus group you’ll see him in Starbucks you’ll see him like
Walking in and you’re like hey JN what’s up you know and then it would be like do this make you drowsy and you know Joselyn I’m just making up a fake person would be like yeah it made me a little tired and I’m like dude that [ __ ] is
Always tired like she’s all like I know joclyn by now dude she’s like this is not the pill like you just kind of like look at the side effects like that’s Mark yeah he’s always got a [ __ ] headache I’m tell even when he did like outside the focus groups like it’s just
Like became friends with these people yeah it’s like so it’s so funny to me to like look at like it like ruined um buying things for me it’s like this weird but it also I think was good as a commedian cuz you’re just like questioning everything you’re like who
Are the people that decide like you know this is okay for us yeah whenever there’s like a poll I’m like no don’t ask me yeah who are the people that got asked like I don’t know like so that’s such a comedian thing to um but then I
Would also do clinical trials like it would say like in the back of like you know the newspaper like depressed want to come to UCLA and be in this clinical trial where you take this anti-depressant and test this lighting machine yeah exactly see how it works
For you so it’s like yeah I’m depressed I mean you get [ __ ] up stuff but if you’re not now you will be by the time you’ve been in a clinical trial that you’re lying about um for two weeks and taking some pill that never ended up
Getting passed by the FDA did I ever get [ __ ] up there was one there was like a couple pills that I did clinical trials for that I took for a long time that that I’m kind of like stayed on them for a while any day now this will get passed
By the FDA right like they just like never came out and I’m like wow I would have loved for that to have like gotten approved so that I wasn’t just a guinea pig and some weird ass experiment but you know but that actually that would be
Like $50 cash $50 cash this um Sean Lennon I love you thank you for letting me tell this story uh I was in an acting class with Shawn Lennon this in La yeah in LA and uh totally we friends at the time totally platonic and he did leave a
Couple shirts at my house that were like very valuable vintage shirt buy now I sold them at Buffalo Exchange for the lowest price they’re the worst it was like a Sign by his dad Buffalo Exchange doesn’t buy anything for the right price and you know deading you know what else
Buffalo but then sometimes you go and they sell [ __ ] for way too high yeah you know what I mean you’re like wait a second when I was selling you guys were lowballing me on those who these people that they know exactly what something’s worth yeah dude it drives me we used to
Go there all the time wife had all the stuff from like flea markets and stuff no no no but then you can flip it more money probably online but but then yeah right but so I then I would go to one Buffalo Exchange the one on Fairfax and
All the stuff they rejected I’d then take it to the one in Sherman Oaks but they will call each other oh my God and they like we know you were just the Fairfax well we’re not taking come on oh yeah and Crossroads I think one now online I guess it would be like
Deop and like you know those ones but like the nicest [ __ ] like nah five bucks 10 bucks it’s like what yeah I would like after shows at The Comedy Store and stuff if I would like find a random LL Bean hoodie I just grab that [ __ ] take
To sh you hust you surviving yeah wow yeah that was a big one I worked at like a little retail store on like Melrose for a little while um I would write jokes for other comedians okay that’s kind of when when I was like like able
To start making money um is when I would write jokes for other comedians that’s cool Ghost Rider it was weird yeah I wrote like jokes and then random like celebrities would hear from their agents and ask me to write jokes for them for like award shows and kind of stuff like
That and then I kind of started and then my first writing job ever was on last call with Carson daily wow as like a staff writer that was a good show too remember him yeah well it was a lot of music it was a lot of music people you
Know was a lot of music and you worked at Punk too right oh that’s right well that was my first like it’s interesting like um punks at the time was you had to be anonymous to get the job but then got maximum exposure so it was kind of this
Perfect thing you know and I remember the audition it was down at MTV on Colorado like it was like the parking was like a nightmare yeah and talking about yeah it was like a [ __ ] show to and I didn’t have like the 17 quarters to [ __ ] whatever and I was
So worried about getting towed like if at that time when you have no money if you get a ticket or get towed in La you are [ __ ] that sets you best or getting an overdraft fee like for something so I was just like I went and this was back
When they would do like Cattle Calls I mean I walked in there was like maybe like 200 people like 200 girls there and you’re just like what are the chances I’m going to get this and I look and I’m you know there’s like the sign and sheet
And I’m like there’s like four or five pages and I’m like this is going to be 4 hours like people are in there for like 20 25 minutes I’m like there’s no way I can afford this like parking and I sign in and like whatever’s happening and
Like I go and I come out and then um and then the Jason Goldberg who’s Ashton Ker’s partner at the time um I he basically was like when he come and I was like I can’t stay like I had no leverage I had no I was like I literally
I I have to go and I guess there might have been something about because they were trying to figure out oh why don’t you two come in together and da d da like they were just like having some rig roll and they’re like we’re going to
Take a little break and then we’ll come back d and I was just like I have to leave like I is this GNA I was like how long is this audition going to take cuz like I’m like I was just very confrontational in a way that I did had
Not earned at all like I don’t know who the [ __ ] I thought I was I just was like so desperate like I could not I had $7 for like seven years and um I was just like I can’t get this ticket dude and yeah and there was something whether he
Felt sorry for me or whether the energy that wasn’t like I’ll get a ticket for this you know 2% chance that I might get this after scale job you know was appealing to it like I accidentally just wasn’t desperate for once just because I was so desperate to not get this ticket
Cuz I also driving down there was like you know $30 of gas so it’s was like I also had to drive all the way back like I was just so damn afraid and I was like there’s no way I’m going to get this and then I went in and the audition was
Actually really interesting because it was you know punked was it was a hidden camera prank show and the main thing is you couldn’t get nervous like if you got nervous uh it would give up it would give it away you know people like is this a prank show you know there were a
Lot and punct was like really big at the time this was the canceled season but it had gotten remember he said it’s over and then this was like the secret season okay but like the main thing that would give it away is people being you know nervous and basically the audition he
Just went I’m going to insult you for as long as I can and just insult me back and I was like oh this is why people have been leaving like crying out of this like I was see people come out and just be like flustered and I just was
Like oh this is just you mean my childhood like let’s go like like and nothing hurt my feelings nothing threw me nothing shook me I’m like this is everything you’re saying is so much nicer to me than like what my mom would say to me before like every
Morning so it kind of just was you know worked out really well and then so I ended up doing um I don’t know maybe like 15 episodes of that I did like a lot yeah because it was like the secret season but you were super confident too
Though you you know I don’t know the difference between confidence and autism at this point but yeah I don’t know I was it was kind of a delusional confidence that I wish I could get back to like too like that it was it wasn’t like I’m the [ __ ] or anything it was
Just like oh the one thing I’m really good at like what was that super racist story about the Brier patch the tar baby and the Brier patch I know I’m not supposed to even bring this up my grandfather used to read this story to us it is so racist looking back but it
Was It was kind of the thing where um the one thing I was really qualified for it just happened to work out everyone with the good childhoods were just need not apply you know like nothing could shake me at that point yeah yeah nothing to lose yeah exact I had nothing to lose
Like nothing could shake me and then he just had and then it was like he did another thing that was interesting he was like uh we’re going to do an improv and I need you to convince me to take my belt off like it was just like a thing
You know I was like oh I was raised by a pathological liar like I like I just knew what to do it was weird it was like it was probably like a lot of mental ill I I mean a therapist would have probably called the police but it was just
Something that was like perfectly suited to my to my maladaptive behaviors it was just I got kind of unlucky my whole life that I got those things and then really lucky that it came in handy in some capacity which is what I love about comedy is like all the things that you
Know are maybe maladaptive behaviors you could alchemize and use to make entertain people for sure you know so so Punk do you get agent once you get that show so I get an agent like is your name getting around that but you’re writing for people now you’re now you’re on Punk
Yeah I don’t think I’m really getting an agent uh think you making some money because that’s the other thing is people think just because you’re on TV you have like $100 million or something you can be broke and famous not that I was famous but I had like I was able to get
Like a publicist true yeah that I paid like $300 or something and she was like oh you don’t have to pay me like and I would like pick up her kids like it was just like one of those kind of thing yeah but you’re making some money yeah
It was after scale so it was like $400 you know and then you think you have $400 and then you get the check and it’s $120 cuz I remember being like cuz agents took 10% I’m like I don’t have I can’t give you the 10% of this so I was
Like everyone’s like I need to get an agent I’m like yeah but they take agents and managers take 10% 10% yeah up yeah dude like you know so I remember being like I don’t want an agent if they’re just going to take my money you know so
And then I started going to this acting school that I couldn’t afford but I started working like like cleaning it for classes like an exchange thing um and I don’t know that’s yeah and then I just started writing jokes and going to The Comedy Store and I was like I’m
Doing this and then I went into a manager’s office who’s a very big manager I really was delusional um but I guess man but I guess when you have nothing to lose like I went into his office and I was like I’m going to be a famous female comedian and he was like
Oh can I see like a tape and I’m like I haven’t done standup yet wow and he was like this is so crazy that I actually believe you yeah she he’s like the fact that you just did that I I like believe that this is going to happen I was like
Cool so are you my manager he’s like yeah like I guess he just like this person is so crazy she must be funny or at least must have like a like insane work ethic and um we with that manager a long time yeah a couple yeah good yeah
And and I and basically he gave me like really good advice he’s like just kill 10 times in a row just kill 10 times in a row and everyone will be talking about you and I was like that’s so helpful because I wasn’t it wasn’t like get on
This showcase or get Montreal is just kill 10 times in a row in the clubs everyone will be talk and I was like got it and I was like I need to kill 10 times in a row so I would do like five or six spots a night wow grinding man
And I didn’t like even know what I didn’t know like I didn’t know that like most Comics will like smoke weed and play video games all day and then they’ll just go do their 20 minutes at night I was like writing jokes all day is that hard coming to LA and just
Starting out like that are people like nice to you like are they comedians are they open like you’re part of this community I think it’s I think if you’re not a threat in any capacity you know what I mean and I think the great thing about coming up in La is you’re not
Really coming up in the clubs like you’re coming up in like bowling alleys and like you know like I would go for like coffee shops on you know out to Pasadena and like sushi restaurants and parking lots and you know Glendale there were like rooms you know and then I
Learned oh the best way to get stage time is to start your own open mic and I started my own open mic with Natasha lero and Melinda Hill and at like some restaurant in Atwater Village you’re like the host you have your friends yeah and then Myspace started happen Myspace
Is really what started and I would DM people and go like oh do you want a spot on my show if I could do a spot on your show and and you would just all day I would just be tra spots with people and like try to get spots a lot of grinding
That’s crazy super DIY though too man that’s it I mean that’s the thing that and I can’t speak for music but like in you know like I don’t know a ton of of skateboarders but like the ones that I do know I’m like oh the trajectory is
Pretty similar in the way that it’s between you and like literal pavement like at some sometimes like you have to generate everything musicians too yeah for sure yeah musicians also I mean well musicians the reason I have a whole other respect for that is cu you have to
Have like three or four people you coordinate with you know I mean which I I can’t even imagine the idea of being like I’m doing these three open mics tonight and now I have to call two people and see if they’re going to pick them up like that it’s hard I remember
One time I was hard I am such a lone wolf type of person I can’t imagine having to like navigate other people’s schedules and it’s rough sometimes OS and I I was remember that show in Chicago man cow I heard the name yeah yeah yeah it was like a it was like it
Was like a big local station in Chicago that like if you get on it you’ll like sell out whatever helium or whatever Club you’re playing I remember one time having to get up you know cuz we would have to do morning radio to you know for
Years yeah you know you do shows till 2: in the morning and then they pick you up from morning radio at 5:00 a.m. and you’re like at you’re on like Mickey and the worm you know like Porky in the pie and just all these you know let’s be
Funny again yeah I remember going like [ __ ] dragging my ass like so tired and then seeing I I actually think it was um what is the band that Carrie Mulligan is married to they’re such a good band and I’m being I know she’s married to I I’m being an [ __ ] they’re like bluegrass
Popish it’s not the Avid Brothers they’re like old school kind of band like that they’re God I can’t remember but they all they all come in with like their [ __ ] there’s like a guy with a cello it’s like 5:30 in the morning killing it and none of them are talking
To each other they’re so you know but they got to [ __ ] set like coming in to play music at this radio station at [ __ ] 5:00 a.m. and I was like I whole other level of respect totally cannot even imagine and singing too yeah oh didn’t even think of that that’s brutal
Man no sleep probably yeah can’t think of that I would have died from cocaine so long ago if that if if I had to involve other people and just sort of like oh and you’re F and you’re five minutes late there’s one’s always late I bet you know yeah oh totally dude can’t
Even imagine and um so lucky and so but like when I look at like like skateboarders and I’m like so you just go to this park every [ __ ] day and you just hurt yourself over and over again and you don’t make any money like that’s what we did it was just like
Going to like you know going to this laundry mat starting a show because you loved it though mhm and it’s therapy too for sure but it’s also it’s the only way to get good the only way to get good is just like gritty like [ __ ] Smash and
Grab like yeah I’m doing I mean there used to be a place on S called Miyagi it was a sushi restaurant and there was a 10:00 on Tuesday show like the [ __ ] is anywhere 10:00 on Tuesday of course it would start an hour late and
There was a stage and then there was a moat like a with a bridge okay and then like a koi pond and then people eating sushi and we would just yell over a Moe and they would be playing MTV 2 like MTV Jams out loud dude and we would just be
Like yelling and you’re just like what the [ __ ] were we doing that’s for no money yeah for no money you know and then when I see like skate videos of people just falling and falling and falling like like what are you doing this for like quit this looks like a
Nightmare and then like oh that’s kind of that’s so true yeah that’s kind of what we do in comedy too damn you know but it’s very like like you said DIY I guess is the best that way to put it I guess now you can like shoot crowd
Workor videos and put them on Tik Tok and [ __ ] like that back then no though it’s different though dude there was Word of Mouth back then too like there’s a new person in town it’s you and you’re doing this and writing for people and you’re uned and you’re just like you’re
Also just showing up that’s something else I love about like you watching people too all the time and going like I love about even if you’re not on the show you show up to watch which is like showing up to skate parks it just going like see my friend’s band play yeah yeah
Yeah totally like just the idea of like I’m going to show up to this park it’s [ __ ] freezing out it’s raining took a 2hour train to just maybe break my neck for what like with no promise in sight to that how hard and it’s so interesting because just the insecurity that makes
You a comedian the idea of like this could pay like I’m gonna make it yeah at all costs you believed in yourself there’s no plan B no plan B but I’m in a sushi restaurant yelling over a moan like it doesn’t make any sense having a podcast good plan B though yeah
That was not a thing back then dude that was not you know what I mean yeah same me I’m in the same band for 30 years like there’s no retirement in my band I’m in the same group with the same guys there no medical insurance there no any
Of that stuff you know that is the other thing with us there’s no Union comedy band They yeah they got music cares now which is kind of cool they help people get help like if they have rehab and stuff I I feel like every couple years there’s like a
Charity thing that’s like raising money during the pandemic raising money for the people and I every comic I see I’m like did someone get that money where did they go and everyone’s like every young comic like I didn’t get a call yeah all right so the writing really
Helped you too also as far as in the standup too like helped you financially and all that stuff too to get yeah I mean all helped yeah yeah I was like writing for other Comics like I was really go it’s actually harder for me to write for myself than it is for other
Comics like you know I don’t know if it’s the same for like songwriters and stuff because you’re kind of not like super emotionally attached to it you’re just kind of like like cuz you hate yourself and you’re like a I’d never pull that off or I can’t say that or I
Don’t know how to make that but like other people was so easy for me to just like jukebox turnout jokes for them so I would just like charge them for like a certain amount for like a page of jokes go out and see them and you know and I
Also would never tell anyone who I wrote jokes for yeah do they want people to know they getting jokes written for them no most people don’t so then you did like CH Chelsea Lately com Central Roose all that stuff they need to start grinding but but I mean me and my wife
One of our favorite shows is Two Broke Girls and I didn’t realize that was you for so many years later I did not know that like you were a writer producer on there it was such a great show man yeah I created it with uh Michael Patrick
King who had did Sex in the City yeah it was such a great show cat Denny he actually was a comic too he used to open for D marera back in the day and you know to me like that was a big show man
Yeah and it was like so many we had so many comics on staff too like legit like Morgan Murphy oh that’s right had actual comics on there so it was like the jokes were just like so and Garrett Morris is he a comedian yeah he was at SNL back in
The day great so great that was such a that was such a great great show man thank you so much we tried so hard to like you know it’s CBS of all places like let us push it really hard yeah yeah yeah and like go rough yeah and
Those girls are still killing it now yeah I really love sitcoms I know some people think they’re like corny whatever but it is really just a sneaky way to stand up in front of an audience and you’re doing the Whitney show the same time you doing Two Broke Girls same time
Wow man wild dude wild that’s a lot of work man it was a lot um you know but you don’t when your dreams start coming true you can’t be like this is too much you know so it was like I had to really it was very hard to split my time
Because I was I was starring in the in the Whitney one obviously so and then I started doing a talk show the next year simultaneously so I was trying to do all three and you know I kind of broke I definitely got like adrenal fatigue and
[ __ ] up my personal life and my life a little bit but um you know it’s also there’s something that happens I feel like when your life starts going really well there it has to like have some equilibrium both my parents had Strokes without health insurance like wow the
Exact same time so then it all of a kind of like put everything in perspective I didn’t really like read reviews I didn’t really like you know there was so much coming at me and I couldn’t even like process I don’t know if I would have
That’s okay not three reviews right no I mean I think it’s good I think it was like I was like on all these Billboards and like all this like crazy [ __ ] was happening but I was like spending most of my time in like icus like sending scripts in like from nursing homes and
You know savan like I I’m glad I got you know who knows what would happen if I was just like I’m the [ __ ] and I did all you know yeah you’re in that moment is that when you is that when you realize you kind of like not that you made it
But like I’m actually doing this like when those two things happen at the same time or before that was the moment like I’m not going to have a boss anymore like I’m not going to have a regular job I think for me like when I got paid to
Do an hour of standup or when PE like that to me is when I’m like I’ve made when people go I’m going to go pay money for her to do jokes that’s when I think I was like okay this is all I ever wanted this is what I wanted because
This I can do forever this other stuff will come and go this other stuff like I’m getting notes from a bunch of people telling me to say this way and not do this and water it down and like I don’t get to be myself and like I like that
Was all really kind of confusing all of a sudden you’re like a boss of adults and like you know um it was really kind of confusing to me uh that whole process before I really understood how to do it and was comfortable being like very decisive and comfortable being a boss
Because it’s like you know it’s like Eric zland um hilarious writer he was on Frasier he was like when comedians get sitcoms he’s like it’s so crazy that you guys have to like be in charge but like who else are you going to trust it’s like it’s like saying to someone like
You’re really funny now run a 7-Eleven like it’s all Logistics you’re looking at budgets you have to like fire people it’s like whereas like you sign up I just want to be loved I just want to be liked you’re telling me I have to go tell someone that they’re not going to
Have a paycheck next week or like I have to go do that like that’s my nightmare yeah that’s brutal you know so then you have to give people feedback and say like I don’t like that that’s not working you’re like ah like I sort of I’m this Lone Wolf who was doing
Everything alone because I just I wanted to be liked and I you know didn’t really know how to communicate with others particularly well and then all of a sudden you have like 400 employees you know and a lot of them project onto you you know I was very young at the time
And you know it was a lot of big personalities a lot of you know being projected on you become like the the girl that wouldn’t uh uh oh oh uh uh oh this is GNA be amazing Clash of the Titans yo can you open the door Greg
Stella me Frank look at Stella Stella come say hi he like wait come say hi whitne Stella sorry you guys don’t need to hear my dog voice cute Stella come Stella’s not scared at all Stella go with hi I don’t want everyone have to hear my doggy voice sorry go say is
That I don’t know maybe maybe I’ll take out I can take I’ll take it out I’ll I’m gonna pause for a second this is awesome are you good on time wouldn’t you good you chilling I’m good I have a little bit I probably have to pee too let’s go
Pee let’s go pee okay perfect we’re going to take a pee break everybody we’ll be back Stella’s back with a haircut hi Stella she came back and she uh just met Frank up here um with your mama come on come on you can do it looking at my
Notes right now come on you got it he’s probably scared of her you think so yeah Stella’s getting tough okay who is that who is that Stella yeah we got we got the new mouthy that’s coming out right that’s out now yeah that’s your sixth one six special hi that’s exciting it’s
Pretty wild it’s actually like you know after you know doing every time we do a special I don’t know if you do this with like records like where it’s like you write one and you kind of like already have like the idea of what you’re doing
Next but you you know still gotta like finish out the one that you’re already making but I used to kind of like every time a special was done I like all right what’s my next special like thematically I would work on like themes and then be
Like yeah I want to talk about this but it doesn’t fit the theme and I was kind of writing to write for specials instead of just writing what I want to talk about and what I think people want to like you know necessarily like and so I
Was like after my fifth one I was like let me just write for me let me just like write for the clubs let me just write for like the and stuff and like not worry about like crafting the perfect next special um let me just like
Have fun and like you know yell about trans people for 30 minutes like [ __ ] that I would never go into an actual special let me just take some time off and then only fans TV you know started doing uncensored comedy and was like do
Want to do a special I was like I don’t have any material that I can really put in a special right now you know like all this shit’s going to get me in trouble and then I was like wait maybe that’s exactly what I need to be putting out I
Love it I love it cuz I saw at the great improv it’s so good I love it I love everything you’re talking about yeah it’s really great you’re awesome dude thank you yeah I feel like those shows were weird and wonky and I was still
Kind of but the response was great I was fig it out thank you yeah I like I was still trying to like figure it out then but I was just kind of like all right you know this there’s this new platform that is like letting us say actually be
Comics like on YouTube now you’re getting demonetized if you say sex like I mean yeah if you say vaccine if you say [ __ ] if you say get age restricted being censored yeah basically and then you know the thing that drives me nuts is like censorship whatever we get it it’s like Pharma pays
These bills like Buick pays these bills like I know why censorship happens but then but self censorship that’s what that’s on us like Comics like I’m afraid to say this because then I’ll get in trouble it’s like we got to get out of there and I found myself doing that I
Was I can see that from the last special to this one I can see the more rawness of it for real and like and I shot it in the comedy St main room which is like I’m like kind of you lost your voice too I remember yeah that’s right that’s
Right which is probably better um honestly the Reddit trolls won Whitney Cummings quieter you got her um but uh but I think that like you know it’s interesting because people people and comedy fans they don’t want us to play it safe like they don’t want that
You know and I was like I did like 90 cities or something and people were just like so excited about like me taking these like really big r R and then I found myself being like I don’t want to get in trouble and oh get me canell and
I was like what the who the [ __ ] like how did I let this [ __ ] get into my head you know and so it’s a real thing though I know yeah yeah and I you know but I think on YouTube and stuff like that you you know you have to worry about like
What if it doesn’t do well and what if they take it out the algorithm and only has 50,000 views and then you’re embarrassed and you know what I mean like there’s so many sort of only fans can just live there it’s like yeah that’s awesome can live there and like
Like ofv like they’re doing like you know these specials you know I’m their first like hour special but they’re doing these specials with like other Comics that aren’t because like now it’s like it used to be like you could get on Leno you get on Letterman and you can
Like do five minutes here 10 minutes like get known right now it’s like if you’re not Tom sigur or bur CH or Bill bur if you’re not like if you can’t get an hour special on Netflix which I’m really feel very grateful like that I can but so many Comics that are great
Can’t yet and there’s no like Comedy Central anymore where you can see like 10 new Comics like doing so they have these like it’s called uh uh LMFAO and it’s like comics in every city like doing 10 minutes you know what I mean so and then they they were so [ __ ]
Awesome on the roast they let us say the wildest [ __ ] and so I was like yeah let’s go why not that’s awesome you know cuz I just heard after the strike to something with Netflix now where these other stations are going to have way less shows moving forward yeah I mean it
Was it was totally I mean the bubble had to burst at some point there was just like way too much content like for a while and you know much content but I think when it comes to Comedy like there’s no limit to how much comedy people want to consume like you know
Um and TV comedy has gotten really just whack cuz they’re trying to like appease everybody they’re trying to make like social statements um they’re trying to like you know I don’t I don’t know like overing I I guess overly PC is the word but also because it used to be that
Sitcoms and TV shows and TV comedies like they’d be made they would do 80 episodes in America then it would get syndicated and explored to all over the world right and now it’s in stantly exported all over the world so the comedy has to appeal to every country
Every language right away and that’s not how Comedy Works like the office is so specifically American jokes chilies PT Cruisers like [ __ ] like that and trying to please everyone yeah and then the reason it works is because they got to do 80 episodes then it gets explored
Around the world then people go oh this is their number one show it had time to get good it had now my dog’s making noise sorry guys and um and so now it’s like instantly we’re going to try to appeal to everybody and therefore appeal
To no one and we’re trying to like I don’t know be champions of baby gender I like I don’t we’re trying to like make social statements instead of just be funny like I don’t know like so I think that more more people are um watching standup specials so they can actually
Just see Fearless comedy instead of like I think that Bub is going to burst soon too all the cancel culture all that stff it’s gone so [ __ ] far I think people just kind of use it as an excuse to not be braver or not be more successful you know what I mean it
Hasn’t really hurt anybody unless they’ve done something like illegal the thing that actually I mean I actually this in the special I think the people that are the most screwed by it are people that have like corporate jobs that aren’t even in Hollywood yeah I love that part of the special we’re all
Fine but it’s like the person that got fired because their Facebook memories said 10 years ago today and they were dressed like a Native American at the Christmas party and they lose your their job like that’s the [ __ ] that I feel like those are the people that I feel
Really I love you talk about it too and also like all like the Jack dudes with the beards and the co punes oh yeah live in your mail whatever it’s Norman Society yeah dude the like goggin [ __ ] like you guys in your I like that men have Eating Disorders now it’s good that
Feels fair I definitely feel like I I’m definitely my wife calls me manorexic I’ve definitely been a weirdo about cuz I’m gluten-free vegan and I’m just like super like now I’m 6 days caffeine free no refined sugars but is that like I like to torture myself it’s really
Strange yeah that’s a little bit I’m straight I don’t do anything it’s a little masochistic do you get off a little bit on the like but also there’s something awesome about overcoming hard things like that’s very addictive and that’s cool like to have that dis like you’re addicted to achieving hard goals
That’s cool yeah I love I love that I’ve always done that done weird [ __ ] like that like cut things out they really don’t really need to cut out and I do juice that’s like the most Punk [ __ ] you can do is like quick coffee I’m like damn this guy’s hardcore but do juice
Cleanses for no reason cuz I have like nothing toxic in my body really you know what I’m saying I just like to torture myself I don’t know why I like a lot of sugar Gabby Reese did a whole thing about how fruit juice is like I just I
Do green juice oh got it yeah no fruit juice yeah cuz like I used to drink like juice thinking it was like healthy it’s like worse than soda right do you have any daily rituals daily rituals this is so embarrassing um I do
Pray I pray I get up pray get in the Sun every morning I started back on listening to Abraham Hicks okay she’s I don’t know I don’t even know how to explain it it’s not the secret but it’s like feel the feelings you want to feel
And like practice that okay I like that instead of being l it’s going to be a nightmare and da it’s like actively practicing feeling good yeah as a way to just I don’t know so there’s this like little morning meditation she does about it started like listening to that every
Day I try not to be too over ritualized because um I did that for so long and it was kind of like a little bit OCD perfectionism and actually I wasn’t being creative I was like I got to do this and then it’s 4:00 and you’ve done
All your ritual [ __ ] but no actual I’m like that too I post it everywhere I do all that crazy sh yeah totally so I kind of just like try to keep things like a little bit flexible because like when I’m in production on something or when
I’m touring I have to be so routinized and I’m like so like living by a schedule that when I’m not I try to kind of just enjoy my life a little bit yeah and you’re a coffee person coffee yeah yeah being pregnant has been a little my
New [ __ ] is black tea mixed with apple cider and hot honey sounds kind of sick hot honey do you ever [ __ ] around with hot honey and brags oh you would I’ll send you a little recipe hot honey will [ __ ] change your life put it in with
Some some either apple cider or like hot like tea okayo it burns a little bit you’ll start draining your sinuses you’re up what about mud water you heard of that I do I have they sent me some I I haven’t tried it yet I have some of it
Yeah yeah I’m not a mushrooms person either so but yeah it’s a little I don’t like I don’t need to eat dirt yeah about it it’s a mud do you know what I mean promo code Whitney I don’t know like we’ll see like I don’t know I just I do
Do a little uh water in the morning in a mason jar I’ll do the true niagen which is the NAD um with the what’s the [ __ ] that’s like salt [ __ ] I can’t remember the name of it it comes in little satchel and then I
Try do magnesium I do go I go hard on the supplements okay I do go hard on the on mytic greens I do those in the morning those are good supplements well they’re not no longer a presenting sponsor so I I don’t drink ag1 they no longer what I’m kidding a presenting
Sponsor really I’m kidding I do drink ag1 um so I do I do I am liquid death [ __ ] yeah I am also more hardcore about like not about adding but subtracting like I don’t drink out of plastic water bottles anymore and I don’t drink out of
The [ __ ] tap and it’s really hard and it’s an extra 20 minutes a day probably New York tap part is good though at a hotel are you sure I mean I live there for a long I don’t maybe I’m wrong I feel like I would like to see some data
I’d like to see some data like how can that be true oh cuz RFK helped clean up the Hudson I don’t know about that we get real deep dive here on here and we miss Lauren Hill too okay so here’s the thing she loves Lauren Hill Lauren Hill is so important
To me I got in a car accident listening to Lauren Hill when I was 16 and I don’t regret it um yeah and I here’s the thing I went and start at the club noia I don’t know maybe seven years ago she the show started at 8 she came on at 11:58
Cuz I think she has in her contract if she doesn’t go on by midnight she doesn’t get paid I heard W that makes sense and like I guess I just felt like I was like maybe she doesn’t want to perform and what she did in that show
I’m like I’m so obsessed with her like she did all the hits but like in a ray version and everyone was really disappointed not me because like they couldn’t sing along to it like Killing Me Softly She did it as like a more like a rayate it was really cool sometimes
You got change it up but everyone was pissed like they couldn’t sing along they couldn’t participate you know a lot of people were walking out a lot of people were leaving um and uh and I remember just being like is this inhumane like maybe she doesn’t want to
Be be performing maybe she doesn’t maybe she’s bored of these songs maybe she’s bored maybe she doesn’t want to be here like I don’t want to participate in like making my hero and like someone that I love so much do something she doesn’t want to do but then it was like oh the
Fuji reunited maybe this whatever maybe she’s doing that for those guys too who knows and I think I don’t know it might have been Austin or whatever reason we didn’t go and apparently she didn’t go on for 3 hours again again right it’s just the thing I guess you have to know
That that’s what’s going to happen yeah do you know what I mean yeah totally totally that’s what you get but when I saw her the last time people were like my babysitter’s leaving I got like they were just like people were leaving and um that’s rough and I don’t know it’s
It’s I I watched this thing happen when working with rosan where I like she couldn’t receive love like no matter how much people loved her she had to like say something or do something that would like piss people off just I don’t know if it’s making your outsides match your
Insides maybe it’s a way of just like self-sabotaging so you don’t work as much I don’t know I mean being Lauren Hill must be a nightmare it’s just like that much love coming at you that much much maybe it just feels like pressure I don’t know he’s got to be that’s that’s
Interesting do you know anyone that went what do you know anyone that went um no I don’t all my friends like I was reading some of the things after that about how late she showed up to but yeah it’s like what do you do with that information yeah how about how about
Your baby so was a boy or girl boy I thought about I thought about Maximus coming dude Maxim my son’s name is Maximus Ma I it’s child abuse to name you know Maximus was my number one name it was yes wow yes it’s my number one name Maximus C Max Cummings it’s pretty
Hard are you insane it’s pretty [ __ ] yeah we were going to we’re going my sound originally Nori Nori Morse for Nori Morse oh oh that’s but it’s also [ __ ] and it’s also seaweed too you’re in Japan that’s true I I’m really I’m all over the place what about uh Ian Mick
Cummings so e McFarland you know what this is this could go either way I don’t know with you and your fan group I actually really like Henry and someone’s like Henry hard dude Rin actually Henry Rollins is the only person I ever besides Ellen that was a different situation but an
Audition melted down in front of him really cool though he was lovely I just melted down it was a show it was like a music show this was 20 years ago got called into like audition to host it and he was in the room and I just saw his
Neck and the veins the veins and [ __ ] and I like I couldn’t you love him I love him growing up like that’s my guy okay so fun fact my wife is obsessed with Henry Rollins same she went to the [ __ ] Courthouse whatever and gave my son a middle name Henry without even
Telling me after my son was born so my two names are Henry and Maxim so my son’s name is Maximus Henry Morris no way yeah my wife [ __ ] loves Rollins I got to go see him podcast he I guess he’s got a um an assistant that like
Makes up things just to keep him busy yeah but he kills it though yeah so the baby’s coming soon L Henry Cummings that’s kind of Henry Rollins Cummings a lot Henry Rollins Cummings is funny lot actually kind [ __ ] sick dude Henry’s pretty sick Henry’s good but I think a
Lot of people think it’s like a like kind of a [ __ ] ass name if you I also want to do Colt for a minute and then and someone told me Colt Cummings is like the most famous gay porn star it is yeah I know are you an optimist or
Pessimist when does everyone go I’m real you got PMA which is a realist you know what PMA is positive mental attitude yeah I think I’m an optimist in a way that’s like delusionally wild yeah you know see that like but you’re always believed in yourself in the jump you never gave up
And you did your [ __ ] you said you did what you you did what you said you were going to do to that manager [ __ ] happen but I my first drug of choice was fantasy you know and I still do it I haven’t stopped doing it yeah like I
Just I I fantasize about like I and I also like when you’re circumstances like or whatever you like have to stay in the optim like there’s no other choice your choices are and so I’m like delusional I think I’m pretty delusional person because I know you get dark too you deal
With depression anxiety and all that stuff of course it happens I don’t like really identify as being depressed like you have your life problems yeah yeah and I was told that like when you perseverate a lot that’s a form of depression like insomnia form of depression that kind of stuff like I
Kind of um I think it’s also growing up around animals like so much like I live with horses I would like sleep with them like being with hers awesome there’s just no time like and and it’s all about being relentlessly present and being depressed it’s like an it’s like an energy
Expenditure that you’re that kind of like but I also have like work holism I think where I’m just like I got to just like keep moving yeah do you to just chill I’m working on it how do you sleep how many hours to sleep night I’ve got
Better now I mean I actually am hardcore about sleep because I think my in I think my insecurity about getting older has helped me on that because I’m like I need to get 8 hours so I don’t look old you know cuz I always I just mean I’ve
Always had like really bad eye bags sometimes vanity helps you in some ways like cheat or do something healthy for yourself you know it always makes you happy yeah yeah and like I’m pretty because also doing standup all the time it’s like you know I break my days into
Two days you know what I’m touring so I’ll do like a nap from 5: to 6: every day so that like you wake up at 6:30 and you’re like starting your day that’s [ __ ] awesome so I always like did that so because I I just couldn’t
Perform the way that I needed to a second show being at 10:30 and getting done by two are you afid of getting older I love getting older mentally I love the daily Clarity bombs you get you know I love it man I [ __ ] love my 50s
Man I’m thriving dude I also like I don’t know people always told me they were like you’re going to look better as you get older like and I I I people always thought I was older than I was like when I was 25 I looked 40 and now
I’m 40 and I feel like I look better than I ever looked but I’m also not emanating this insecure energy you know do you feel pressure like being in L Spotlight all the times to look a certain way or keep up with stuff or try to look
Younger cuz people love you for who you are they don’t give a [ __ ] about your age that’s really nice you know what I’m saying people love you because you make them laugh and you and you created all these amazing things for people to enjoy like they don’t give a [ __ ] about your
Age yeah I don’t I don’t and if they do like I don’t give a [ __ ] about you like I’m just saying you know what I mean yeah I think that um you already have a care people love you for who you are do you know what I’m saying yeah I think
That trying to see you look like Madonna all of a sudden no disrespect cuz I love [ __ ] Madonna but like yeah wild that type of [ __ ] you got to I Really Love You Madonna I think for me part of the reason um I work so hard to combat Aging
In natural ways is so that that [ __ ] doesn’t happen like female Comics Joan Rivers like there’s a little bit of a track record of going wild just getting caught up in Hollywood and all that and have to just yeah whack them all with I just want to age with Grace and I want
To go like you know what I’m just going to do the sauna every day and be healthy and sleep well so that I’m not injecting concrete into my forehead or whatever the [ __ ] you know um but you’re about to have no sleep soon once the baby comes
Your shit’s going to it’s it’s sleeping is rough man it’s going to be rough but you’ll be all right yeah and also just so you know having a kid they adapt to your life your life doesn’t change that’s that’s what I hear is the healthiest thing so of my friends like
Pretty much cutting us off before we even have my son thinking we’re never going to see them again but it’s like no my son [ __ ] traveled the world with us that’s it as a baby they adapt to your life and that’s the way to do it
You know what I mean there’s a great book called hunt gather parent that’s about that it’s not your job to entertain your kid and become a child for your kid like just they want to do what you do yeah also you got you got the good few podcast yep we got my
Podcast yeah it’s I’m working on it it’s going great that’s so nice it’s going great it it’s amazing guest thank you oh thank you so much yeah it’s fun to watch it’s it’s a it’s you know it’s just so funny at Comics we like can’t really hang out without monetizing it anymore
We just everything we do is for public consumption you do it at your house yeah yeah I do it at my house wow yeah yeah so it’s it’s good it’s it’s you know I don’t know for me podcasting I’m a little bit like you know I want to take
Like a little bit of time off I banked a bunch of them to just to make sure like you guys listening like we don’t want to be boring like my biggest fear is being boring and it’s like I feel like I kind of have to go out in the world and get
Some new stories and New Perspectives and not just be this like doing this bad impression on myself cuz I started feeling like a little redundant so I banked a bunch and then I’m going to take like a full like month and a half two months off and then I want to come
Back fresh to it how many’s banking for you cuz I talked to Rich Ro by this reason he thinks I’m totally psycho OCD add how many you have a lot banked eight okay I I banked yours is coming out like week oh this one oh com soon I’m bank till
June I’ll show you I have a calendar I have like 20 something episodes banked holy [ __ ] I’m a Savage I can’t stop I you let it out weekly yeah once a week man I’m so chill I can go on tour I do that is [ __ ] wild I’m taking off the rest
Of the year after next week selfcare to the m you know saying I like I like but your energy is so see and this is part of the reason your podcast is so good because your energy is good you’re excited to be here you take time off off
You don’t cuz like otherwise you start D you’re like I got to do the podcast this week you don’t want it to be like that n dude I [ __ ] I [ __ ] love it um real quick Studio 66 you and that that was [ __ ] great oh thanks good morning the
Accused [ __ ] physical I’ve done a lot of physical is a Dope Show I love awesome gnarly one I have done a lot of movies with musicians the food Fighters movie and the Machine Gun Kelling ma Kell my homie we love M um and what about another book cuz you did a book in
2017 I’m good yeah you know I feel like we talked about this earlier like there’s only so I wrote a book before I had a podcast you know what I mean now that I have a podcast I’m like I’d rather just give this [ __ ] out to people
For free this is really you this is you that’s what I love about this you kind of get to a point where you’re kind of like how much money am I asking people to spend on my my [ __ ] you know what I mean like come see me perform and buy my
Book and here’s my M like I think you got to kind of go like I’m going to write a book when it’s like I have enough stories that only make sense in book form like the book that I wrote was a bunch of stuff that I was way too
Ashamed to say on stage and it’s got to be in a book because like you just read it when you’re alone because I’m too embarrassed to say it on stage but now you could say it thinking about maybe some of it some of it some of it must be
Therapeutic though for yeah but it was like kind of like it was like my four step basically you know like as a book you’ve had a lot of therapy in your life um I do mostly 12ep but yeah I’ve had like a therapist that’s awesome but she’s 12ep trauma [ __ ] but I just
Started going to one too first time first person my whole family ever gone nice yeah it’s interesting it’s like I like it there are bad therapists there are therapists that will just let you rehash old self-limiting beliefs and re-embed your trauma more deeply like the one that I go to she’s like you’ve
Talked about this enough or she’ll go like that’s actually not what happened or like no you don’t get to just call someone a narcissist because things got weird like she’s very like doesn’t let me get away with [ __ ] and is very like all right we’re doing no complaining for
30 days or like oh we’re doing no apologizing for 30 days like she’s it’s all about like and you’re going to go do your fourth step again like I see a lot of people sometimes go to therapy and they weirdly get like worse for a while
Because they’re sort of like well I have this thing and I have this diagnosis and my life was heart and I’m like this is just making you feel sorry for yourself more or feel Superior so I do things just important like there’s bad doctors and there’s bad all kinds of [ __ ] bad
Chiropractors bad whatever like like I think it’s like I my thing is just like find someone where you actually your life starts getting better yeah do you feel like your life’s in a good place right now in life I think so you’re glowing really sweating [ __ ] pregnant girl how many months
You pregnant now is that eight eight damn I know I’m excited for like the emotional maturity that comes of being a parent oh it’s [ __ ] dude I get so I was instantly emo [ __ ] I never cried about before I [ __ ] cried every commercial all that shited to like do my childhood
Over a little yes that’s it’s Christmas all I love that I’m a big kid anyway Rel living all that [ __ ] is incredible man it’s just like as an artist like I remember you know um Through The Eyes of your child that Donald Glover uh childish gamb you know like we used to
Tour together he’s awesome did yeah and he’s like incredible artist and dude writer producer everything right in the beginning like he was like doing standup he was on dir Rock he was you know raing but like it was all great you know what I mean it all great he’s like obviously
Just like a super Talent out of the gate super young and then one day I watch Atlanta and I’m like what the [ __ ] dude dude and then I see him on um Fallon someone sends me a clip of him seeing red bone on Fallon I thought it was
Marvin Gay dude I’m like dude what happened yeah and he was like I had a kid you know I think that like something creatively you level up whether it’s like you start understanding [ __ ] more your bar gets higher you manage your time better you know whatever it is he’s
Like it just like unleashes this whole new level I saw him backstage with his kids at uh tile Creator show this weekend he was holding his kid hands it was so cute his family and [ __ ] the best he’s the best he was so funny cuz he has
Whatever when you have on you’ll talk about it but he would um he was like he’s like yeah I didn’t have a lot of trauma as a kid like my dad like my biggest trauma is he would drop me off at school and kiss me on the mouth you
Know like he had love but still you know I’m excited for you become a mom though thanks dude especially with your child everything you’re talking about I think you be could be really awesome ni I hope so do you want to get married someday yes not weird I’ve never done anything
In the order people do them in and I don’t white trash till I die dude but yeah I just don’t think I was marriable until recently like I just I watched my mom like be a gold digger and be in all these bad Rel like I just I want to make
Sure that I worked to become the person that the kind of person I wanted to be with would want to marry and and someone that you know wasn’t going to botch like I just have had perfectionism about it like let me not Dr we’re not perfect
Yeah but let me not drag someone into something before I like really am capable of love and so I just wanted to heal all my [ __ ] before going like marrying this person will solve my problems you know and go like no I’m going to solve all my problems on my own
And let me show up to something super complete and like be ready to be a like wife like I’m down with that traditional I’ll be waiting when you get home I’ll cook you but I had to like accomplish a bunch of goals first of course you did a
Lot you accomplished a lot man yeah so now I’m ready to be a you a hopeless romantic yeah I think so yeah probably what else is there yeah why not what’s the downside no it’s true you’re wrong every now and then so we’re wrong always I’m so I’ve been married 28 years that
Is so met my wife in DC at a show in 1992 I was C I’m very [ __ ] lucky I can be a big kid and travel and play music and she’s travel the world with me and we’re best friends and all that [ __ ] like that is the sickest just made one
Son that’s it one and done that’s all you need I’m very lucky that’s when punk rock too though you know what I mean does anyone want to marry a girl with a kid though we’re going to find out from this podcast do you still go to bed watching jellyfish videos is that true
Yes is that true it’s the screen the Apple screen savers I love the Apple screen savers and Jellyfish just happen to be particularly I love [ __ ] but the it’s the only thing that scares me is [ __ ] jellyfish is the IR irony floating Chandelier full of poison um
But yes I love just watching people watch like TV to go to sleep what I like to watch the Apple screen that’s I like to try that what you still have your pig named Joe I do he’s in Texas though wow yeah he lives in best Texas do you still
Keep your friendships by like muting your friends I love that that’s the best [ __ ] I’ve ever [ __ ] read absence makes the heart fonder dude I kind of like that I have some friends on me too I’m not going to say their names I love you guys when I see you it’s different I
Have [ __ ] to ask ask you whereas if I’ve seen you with the pumpkin P it’s not because they’re doing cringy [ __ ] it’s that too okay I hope all my friends mute me cuz I’m doing cringey [ __ ] out there literally I every time I post all I do
Is think about like is Chris Rock gonna see this is Chappelle gonna see this is David tell gonna see this and then I like I would never post if I thought Comics actually followed me so I hope my friends mute me cuz we’re not we’re dude
We’re doing it for fans we’re doing it for comedy fans I’m not doing for the yeah I’m not doing this for my friends like please unfollow me is there stuff that you posted reget it that you posted that’s out there in the world yes I recently just deleted a ton of [ __ ] um
Just from the pandemic when I had blue hair and I was being wild blue hair was cool I remember we had that yeah yeah yeah like blue hair pink hair red I was just like you were going wild well Rod stuck in your crib dude uh Dennis Rodman
Was a very big influence on me as a performer and I remember cuz I was a big basketball player I just very into basketball I remember watching me like this mother [ __ ] is defense you’re he’s like I am going to entertain you [ __ ] I’m going to have blue
Hair nose piercing I’m going to wear a wedding dress like super pun he took being an Entertainer so seriously and I remember during the pandemic when people are just scrolling scrolling and everyone’s like stay inside put a mask on we’re all dying I’m like I’m going to
Be a [ __ ] I’m going to entertain you guys yeah like I’m just going to be a clown and you know of a lot of people thought I had like a meth addiction or something did I mean or whatever I don’t know you can’t really have like a blue
Hair in your late 30s a woman you’re trying to say mid like Crisis or something or whatever like you guys were in a pandemic everyone’s in a crisis do you really duct tape lights at hotels oh yeah still always like now I do a pretty
Good job I can actually just like take a menu and lean a pillow on it you know what I mean cuz it’s like the red light duct tape is that’s intense yeah I just like travel with it just so I have it wow and you were really award furong fan
Oh my God I watch his videos now what he’s just on YouTube like he’s going like all these signings and stuff he’s like really different really dude I mean remember when he um stole the lobsters he freed the lobsters out of some restaurant no oh dude Amer History X he
Was so child acting should be illegal but you were a big fan of his yeah huge fan I used to write letters to him constantly when I was a kid I also know Harpy Harp’s fery I’ve been there before too I know it’s your favorite place to
Go I remember being there dad managed a hotel there called Hilltop House Cypress fery West Virginia and you carry a hammer in your car in case there’s like a dog that’s overheating I have one of those to I have like actual dog Hammer thing surpris how many people leave
Their dogs in hot you resc a lot of dogs yeah yeah yeah I can’t as much anymore I almost lost a thumb my ear was bitten off like I’m a mess um but yeah now that I have a kid coming in I can’t but no dog tattoos I don’t want to get dog
Tatto you know what I want to I have my horse’s name here I have on my foot one of my dogs like I love in her uh initial but I really want um maybe I Dr Woo I really love in bang bang they both do really great like portraits I want small
Ones they do want to do that at some point you going to do it I think so I’m not supposed to do it when I’m pregnant even though I’m really itchy yeah yeah because of the ink or there could be an in I don’t know [ __ ] know I know did
You really break your shoulder snowboarding on a DAT I did this one fractured it long ways T my I know trying to impress a man and you love bees love bees dude who who doesn’t love bees I mean you got to I get stung by one that would suck they don’t really
Want to sting be F if they sting you they die did you wear that big outfit and going to a bee thing before Keepers yeah I’ve done that I have done that there’s a place in SAR you can do that a great bee doc too about bees going extinct there’s
A bunch of so sad we’re fued dude bees are incredible dude they can do amazing amazing [ __ ] I’m kind of just obsessed with them in general and you collect um creepy old holy water bottles I do I this is your I me and your wife are the
Same person you totally are man I gave my holy water ones to Kesha cuz that’s very her but I love old like Apothecary bottles like [ __ ] like that the one thing that tripped me out is you like um bed popcorn Jelly Beans that’s kind of
Wild dude you know that was a phase um Jelly Bellies or something Jelly Bellies I like the the very Cherry ones and the prickly pear are my favorite but the butter popcorn ones and the peanut butter ones that I think are the most polarizing I [ __ ] with but also tootsie
Rolls are my favorite Halloween candy I know damn I [ __ ] with Tootsie Rolls trash and candy corns I love candy coins and they make vegan ones now they’re actually vegan by default actually they okay nice yeah were you ever vegan before I tried it’s hard for you cuz
You’re big animal lover that’s why yeah but and also I had like eating disorder stuff and when you get into that it gets a little bit slippery I know I’m [ __ ] starving myself thinking about eating cardboard after this um and you put lotion on yourself every time you go to
The bathroom usually I do grape seed oil before you’re good skin though too thank you appreciate that I try you know um but yeah so I just try to rehydrate in the middle of the night I have a severe OCD as far learning from this well so
Mouth’s out it’s out on only fans TV six special whitne on social media she might respond to you she might not by the special’s free you’re not going to spend $3.99 to subscribe to some weird ass [ __ ] platform that builds you every month and you can’t get out of it and you’re just
[ __ ] forever it’s yeah I do that too like I’ll pay for something to still watch something I get why am I still paying for Hulu Plus $12 a month like I hav’t you drives me nuts why am I still paying for ceso and quit all these shits
Are cancelled there Tres me nuts I go through my credit card bill I do also apps dude apps that you signed up for I have like I was paying $80 all those apple receips out of nowhere it’s crazy year for some hiking app that showed me hiking trails I’m
Like I guess I do you hike no I was like this is like a app for serial killers or where to go bury bodies I mean I did during the pandemic I was trying to like go on high I downloaded it like during that time but not for $80 it’s crazy how
Much Apple [ __ ] I’m paying for much [ __ ] is they Bank on the fact that you’re going to forget to cancel it yeah yeah [ __ ] do you respond to negative comments no do you let that bother you like one negative comment out of a thousand good ones I think negative comments only kind
Of hurt if you agree with them it’s a great [ __ ] point I think it’s that if someone’s like your fourth special was so much funnier than your third I’m like you’re right that’s if you agree with it yeah correct that’s a good point yeah or like why are you yelling during this
Joke I’m like you’re right I was yelling that’s I I see you know they bother you [ __ ] your day up bad reviews none of that [ __ ] cuz you seem you’re are artists we’re sensitive yeah we’re insecure sensitive people yeah but it’s also our job to know when you’re on the
Clock and when you’re not on the clock and it’s also your job to like understand human nature and know that a lot of people are addicted to self-righteous indignation and they use celebrities as punching bags it’s like it’s like when you’re like with your you know your guy friends and you’re like
They’re like Jessica Alba like not that pretty and you’re like really yes really so if Jessica Alba wanted to sleep not interested like we know what we do when we do that yeah you know what I’m saying true and like there’s times that like I’ll hear a great song For the First
Time get it and then a month later I’ll be this is a [ __ ] joke okay I didn’t get it at first you know what I mean it’s like not everybody has to get you but also anyone that goes out of their way to make a negative comment like that
Person’s I love that you have tough skin obviously I know your story now you’re have very tough skin about that [ __ ] you’ve heard [ __ ] say I also when people leave a negative comment like I think they’re getting something out of it they’re getting a hit of self-righteous
Ining Nation I know how I feel when I judge someone I’m like and because I’m perfect like that and it’s like okay I signed up to make people’s day better and I guess I don’t get to control how I did so maybe someone’s day just got
Better because they got to [ __ ] on me like okay that’s a great [ __ ] point maybe I just like made them feel a little better for a second because they got to be like she’s not funny and I am like all right cool I’m glad I could
Help I love that you try to you are you on your phone a lot yeah you have to check your hours and [ __ ] on there don’t attack me we’re like adults like you’re about to have a kid I’m a dad it’s like we it’s crazy a tricky
It’s a tricky addiction but like that’s how we make that’s how we promote that’s how we make our money that’s how we it does help to put my phone in grayscale it’s when you put your phone in grayscale I don’t remember exactly just like look it up online it just makes it
Less sexy it just makes your whole phone be black and white no way yeah yeah it’s kind of it’s really good it stops with just like the Mindless cuz like the reward center of your brain like wants the color wants the like this like yeah it’s just it’s extension of the human
Body that’s what Us St to appendage at this point shut up you Inn the podcast well Whitney thank you so much for your time this is so [ __ ] fun check out a special only fan Stella you’re [ __ ] fired Frank thanks Frank you’re so amazing you chilled you the
Whole time but yeah appreciate you too thanks dude bye love you by I’ve always loved sweets that’s why I have um a thousand gold teeth and ha cavities for my whole life but I always love cookies and being a vegan and being gluten-free it’s extremely difficult to get a cookie
That actually taste good most of those cookies are super super dry until I found maxines Heavenly uh you probably seen me post about them they’re incredible they’re gluten-free they’re vegan they’re made with no refined sugars you can get in Whole Food Sprouts Walmart Amazon Maxine’s heavenly.com and
If you’re in La you get my favorite restaurant Green tables carrying them um you can also if you’re in La get Uber Eats door Dash and Chow now super super great company amazing people working there the cookies are insane I can eat a whole bunch of them not like you’re
Supposed to but I don’t feel groggy and like bloated and I have that Sugar crash and every month you should sign up for the mailing this because every month you get exclusive flavor drops and the cookies get delivered right to your house so shout out to Maxine’s Heavenly
My new sponsor I have a cookie sponsor I can’t believe it how old am I I’m 53 and I’m promoting cookies because I love cookies still I’m a big kid vegan gluten-free no refine sugars if you listen to the Travis Barker episode me and him talked about our love for
Maxine’s Heavenly as well Great Cookie if you’re a vegan and you’re gluten-free there’s no other cookie to have Maxine’s Heavenly go to Maxin heavenly.com go to shop use my code ol LC and get 25% off your first order that’s 25% off your first order go to Maxin heavenly.com use
My code o o enjoy these cookies are straight crack I always ask my guests if they have any regrets I personally don’t have any regrets even when it comes to my tattoos I have the silliest tattoos even my ET on my leg it’s still a childhood
Memory for me and I love it I’ve had tattoos on top of tattoos strictly because I wanted more tattoos I started getting tattoos when I was 18 I’m 52 now and I can’t stop I’ve had lazy treatment before on something on my arm it’s four tattoos on top of each other and that
Experience at that place was pretty fast it was pretty cold it was Inn out Swipe the credit card don’t really tell me much didn’t give me much details of anything was going to happen so I never went back so as of most recently I’m so lucky enough to have had two sessions at
Removery tattoo removal my tattoo on my arm looks like a big black blob is now super light I’ve had two sessions I have a long road ahead of me none of this stuff happens overnight you cannot take a tattoo off in one sitting you have to
Be patient and it’s painful they ice you up it’s super fast to me it felt like a bunch of rubber bands but what’s more painful than that is looking at something on your body that you think you’re stuck with for the rest of your life that sucks but now for me I’m
Really happy I started this journey I’m slowly going to get this tatto removed I never thought in a million years I have any kind of real estate on my arm I don’t even know what I want but it’s exciting I’m so honored to announce that one Life One Chance podcast is now with
Removery I have a code use Toby H2O and get $100 off your first session call 866 934 4570 or go to remy.com one of the most experienced tattoo remover companies in the world over 600,000 remover treatments done 100 locations US Canada and Australia state-ofthe-art pway Laser Technology cryotech
Technology to reduce any discomfort this is so exciting for me because all I do in these podcast is talk about tattoos from day one if you’ve been listening to this podcast talk about tattoos talk about getting removed talk about getting covered up so this is such a perfect fit
For me once again go to remov re.com or call 866 934 4570 use my code Toby H2O and get $100 off these guys are located everywhere try it out
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