The College Experience: Advising Your Child About Pledging A Fraternity or Sorority

Hi I’m Barbara I’m Cheryl and I’m Naima we’re three black Moms a number of years ago when I was in college my best girlfriend Sher and Beverly and I pledged AKA and in the beginning it was really nice the women were very friendly they had these nice outings and uh they seemed like great African-American women to have as friends and then we were

Formally inducted and we had situations where it began to be a little uncomfortable because of the hazing the first first night they had us on our knees with our arms locked together and we had to move around in this fashion now there were 22

Of us and that uh seemed to give us more power over the Big Sisters but gradually as different sisters left the line and our little pledgeling group got smaller and smaller The Hazing got more and more intense they were doing things besides calling us names and getting us up at

Three in the morning and making us jog around the park they were kind of doing some rather mean things they got more and more physical as time got on and Beverly Sheryl and I decided you know if this is the price of Sisterhood we don’t

Want it and we depl pledged and uh we heard of other things that had happened to friends you know we had brothers that had pledged qii who that had gotten beat up punched in the eye uh knocked around all kinds of weird stuff okay this is

Back like I said when I was in college in the 70s and you would think that the hazing had uh kind of gone out of style and yet when you read any kind of current statistics you find that one student a year dies from hazing from a fraternity or sorority and the thing

That really caught my eye was when these two girls drown owned in California their parents brought suit they were pledging AKA and they were afraid of water and one of their instructions during a session was to go into the ocean and go swimming blindfolded well the rip tides were very high the girls

Could not swim the girls drowned the parents brought suit the college denied that they even had that uh Soro on their campus and it was a big thing and that was 20 years ago so some of the things that we as black women and black men want is Brotherhood and Sisterhood and a

Lot of the Greek organizations promised to give us that some of the most famous people uh and just a few of them Tony Morrison uh vice president kamla Harris uh Felicia Rashad Maya Angelo Rosa Parks Jada pinket Smith are just some of the women who have pledged AKA and on occas one of

My friends at work wore this elaborate AKA jacket it was beautiful and I said oh you pledged AKA and she said yeah it was something foolish I did when I was in college okay is it foolish should you uh warn your daughters and sons about some of the hazards of joining Greek

Fraternity organizations or sorority organizations we had a friend when I was in college my freshman year who had pledged a white fraternity and he had fallen off the boat during a party and he had drowned and it was such a horrible incident and so many of the

People felt like well he should have pledged a black fraternity those white brothers probably didn’t care anything about him they probably didn’t even know he fell off the boat well whatever the statistics are today it is worth discussing whether or not true Brotherhood and true sister Sisterhood

Should hurt in that manner and whether or not we want to instruct our young people about some of the hazards of pledging a Greek organization sisters what are your thoughts well I’ll go first uh on our campus and I attended the University of Nebraska Lincoln which was and is a predominant L white

Institution actually they they have a acronym NOW pwi pwi and so the we didn’t have all of the black Greek fraternities but we had Kaa alphas saai and my experience was really a lot of fun now I remember the the the pledging period matter of fact when I was a freshman and

Then some of our freshman friends were pledging and you know they did a lot of silly things and you see them you know walking in a line and you know the whole you know a lot of this stuff if you’ve seen school days you know a lot of that

Stuff it it is real and then when we would go to uh when we went to the we were part of what was then big eight uh we’re not part of the Big 10 but the big eight Council on black Student Government all the other schools all the other

Predominately white schools also had black fraternities and sororities and that’s we got a chance to see the whole cultural thing of the step show and them you know doing all the choreography for the the the uh performances and everything now that is a specifically cultural thing for black fraternities and sororities and

Sororities yeah absolutely white Greek fraternities don’t do that that’s not part of their thing and so this was a chance for us to feel like we were connected with our culture uh something unique it bonded us together and I happen to be and then like I don’t know if they did this on

Your campus but they selected a group of sisters to be the the Kappa the Kappa sweethearts yeah the little sisters or whatever yeah so you know we had this big program where we did our little step dance and it was fun it was really a lot

Of fun so I remember it as being and then one of the brothers told me why the reason why I was s like well you know you always organize things you know we know you have a lot of good ideas and stuff so that was that was good

And so it it did create a bond and it did make us feel a sense of belonging you know and you did have the like kind of little clicky thing that you’re a part of so I understand the dve to feel a part of something and to

Belong to something and uh to want to pledge now we didn’t have a hazing problem on our campus but I do know of those situations on campuses where the pledging process was ugly uh and now we we ALS we didn’t have we we later got Zeta Beta sorority on

The campus and that was good because a lot of those sisters I I know for a fact a lot of them are still in contact with each other they still interact so one thing I mean it does give you a network of people that you know if you really

Maintain your Sisterhood and Brotherhood it can be a a um it can be a network of friendship and Brotherhood and and interaction for the rest of your life it really can so that’s a positive note and then also my brother-in-law he pledged Omega sci-fi in in in college and they

As older men in the fraternity they do a lot of uh charitable work and they give scholarships and a matter of fact Omega Sci-Fi fraternity gave zakiya my daughter a scholarship when she went to college so they do a lot of positive things yeah there is the silliness

And there are things that you might do that could be degrading when you pledge and that’s where I think we need to talk about with our children when they get ready to go off to college if they’re thinking of pledging do some research and see what

Is that chapter like on your campus I learned a lot about the history of a black uh Greek organization when I went to one of their national conferences or something what state I don’t know if it was Atlanta I think it was in Atlanta we

Went to um and they were kind of given the history of it so the whole uh black college network you know the the the uh historically black colleges and universities there’s a whole lot of history of a lot of things that we created when we began going to school

And in higher education to to Really I guess you could say catch up to where whites had been for years because in this country our our history was crazy so so the college experience is really important for our children and the if you’re going to a a predominantly white Institution maintaining contact with

Your culture your your sense of community that’s very important as well but there are some hazards like you mentioned Barbara things that people do that are ugly and I think that we and criminal and yeah it can be so we need to tell our children look out for some

Things and to really examine the the the the chapters on their campus and and the history of the kind of things that they’ve done and see if they can really trust these people if they shoes to pledge okay my turn yes when I went to Kate go wild cats uh

They only had one black sorority they had no they had three black fraternities Omega SciFi Alpha fi Alpha and um Kaa Alpha Kaa Alpha SI so um and and so for the black girls when we were in there in Ori ation they told us oh well we have all

For for you black girls we only have one uh sorority but you can watch our films never were we invited to join their sororities now granted this was back in the 70s late 70s but 70s nonetheless so it was obvious to us that they did not

Want us in their space this was also a pwi now for 40 years later uh and and I did consider joining the Deltas only because I like the girls who were in the Deltas and some of the nicest girls one of the really nice girls on campus came

To me and says I’m I’m joining I’m thinking about pledging Delta would you considered pledging with me but because of Barbara’s like horrible experience and uh you know I just felt and I was not really a Greek kind of person I was I was just different I wasn’t that

Wasn’t my community and there was hazing back then there was a lot even with the little sister groups for this for the fraternities the black fraternities there was a lot of hazing back then with the with the uh men there was lot lot of hazing and so I was not interested now

Fast forward to the uh Next Century and my daughter is going to school now my daughter also went to Kate again go Wildcats which is still a pwi and when she thought about pledging of sorority and they by then they had several other AKA had come aka’s

Actually came on campus for us I want to say like my junior year or so and some of the girls because they came they pledged out the chapter out of KU and so they did end up having AKA while they were there now years later I used to I

Used to hear about aka’s having the paper bag test which some of us know you put your hand up against a paper bag if you’re darker than the paper bag you were not allowed to join no I’m I’m assuming that some of that foolishness has gone away of course some of it has

Not as we saw from school days and other things there’s still a lot of colorism that we still have to address so anyway when my daugh daughter started talking about pledging we had also talked and I think Barbara also had talked to her about her experiences but

She did her own research and she started talking to some of the young ladies at Sigma gamma row they were one of the they’re still part of the divine nine which is the the original uh black Greek organizations so they were part of the divine nine and they were a small group

There was only maybe five or six of them on campus but she liked the girls and she said you know they kind of said well you can hang out with us even if you decide not to pledge because they’re technically I I’m told not allowed to recruit but her she

Chose this group because she said they all looked different there was some big there was some small there was some gay there was some straight there was you know all kind you know there were all kinds of black women and she liked that she’s from Boston she likes diversity so

When she decided to pledge we talked about it and the first thing I said is okay but I’m not paying for all of this stuff you know you got a free college education so I’m not paying anything that you’re going to pay as far as dues and things like that that’s on you

Because some of these can also get very expensive okay mommy you know and she worked from the time I think she was a sophomore or either sophomore or Junior she always had several jobs on campus so she paid the stuff I paid for you know we paid

For everything else that she needed but she liked having her own money so Sarah became a sigma gamma Roe we flew out when she went when she crossed over the line and she talked you know obviously there’s some things they can’t tell you and they do have their own dance like

All the other ones and we’ve gone out sound their own sound uh and and and she’s gone to the big convention the 100th uh anniversary which was last year 2022 and you know you see thousands and thousands that was in Indiana and you see them all out there and they’re all

Doing their their dance because they all learn it and other things and now she’s part of that grad chapter now she’s now she leads the grad chapter here they’re trying to get uh uh students I think to start up the chapter I think at Northeastern here and she has a lot of

Of things that she does they do scholarships they do a lot of charity work and so this is something that’s going to be following her she liked it because it also helped her find her people even though her best friends are deltas helped her find her people on

Campus like we all need to find our people and she also uh helped her with her own identity as a biracial child she had her own issues with people thinking that she was too white or too black but not this but not that you know uh light

Skinn you know that kind of stuff so she said that that helped her come to grips with who she was as a person now I’m not going to talk too much longer but since then she has connected with a lot of sorority sisters here and when we were

In Portugal and we had a crisis at our home because our dog you know got all intent of purposes she got sick and the person who was supposed to board her would not board her and we were five hours away on the other side of the world one of her sorority sisters she

Called her and she had one of her sorority sisters step up and she and Lori came to the house and she stayed for four four or five days and help take care of our dog until Sarah could come back cuz Sarah was coming back early and

This was somebody she wasn’t that at the time she wasn’t that close to her but because she asked her to do it and the girl it was like good I’m between jobs you know I I’ve got four roommates I need to get out of my house for a while

And I said you know whatever you need food whatever and of course we paid her too because uh that’s what you do but Sarah has seen a lot of really positive things I mean like all like all people people we don’t all get along but she

Has had a lot of positive aspects from that and I’m glad that she did her own research beforehand and she did talk about The Hazing because we were worried about it but a lot of the things that they talk about hazing it’s not what we see that makes the news so

They’re very careful about hazing like some of the things that they have to learn the alphabet and they have to do these certain songs and all the other stuff we flew out when she went through the whole process and crossed over um and met and met everyone and it’s a big

Deal on K at K State now at at the time when I was there it wasn’t as big because you didn’t have as much representation but now because they have more choices more sororities more fraternities there are a lot more uh kids who kind of wanted to do that and

In fact they she just went back recently to um help read invigorate that chapter because after covid you lost a lot of people because people couldn’t pledge for two years because there was nothing going on so it’s it’s been a positive for her uh I I also was not

Interested uh even now I mean I suppose I could join if I really wanted to but to me it was always well this is just somebody else is going to ask me for money later on when I get out of school and I already belong to you know Kansas

State’s Alumni Association and I always send them money you know so I but but I have seen I have seen the negative side of it but I’ve also seen from Sarah I’ve seen the positive side of it I’ve see and she is still involved as a grad as a

Grad chapter and she still does you know go out and they still do community service and they still you know give scholarships so those are the good sides of of being part of black Greek life but you have to be careful that you’re not doing it because you want to

Wear the colors or you know you whatever your reasoning is you have to make sure when your kid comes to you and says mom I I want to join whatever okay do your research find out these people that you like what’s the process like you know

Because you know they may love it and they may need to walk away like you all did Barbara yeah well you know I think that friendship and that camaraderie is a good thing when I was living and working in Battle Creek Michigan one of my uh co-workers was in Alpha and he

Said he could depend on his brothers for anything and everything if his car broke down all he had to do he would look in his little directory find a brother who lived near him call him up and could depend on him and I remember saying well that is

Really cool but let me tell you if I am in that same kind of situation I need help all I have to do is pray for the Lord to send me a Christian and he has done it in the past he’ll do it again and I have seen that happen and I don’t

Even have to make sure I got my little directory in my pocket what if I left my directory at home so it’s a good conversation about you know that kind of thing of being able to depend on someone when you need needed it now I had a very

Interesting experience when I uh was at home watching an episode an old episode of a Homer Simpson which I hardly ever watched but uh Homer Simpson had pledged a fraternity and they told him he comes into this room and he sees all these paddles on the wall and he goes oh

What’s those and they said oh you’ll find out and then when he epod he when he pledged and went over he had to crawl between two rows of men butt necked blindfolded while they each swatted his behind as fast as as hard as they could

And he had to crawl as fast as he could to get away from that and I said H that sounds like the Burning Sands that AKA was always talking about because our friends would always come out of hell week with these knees scarred up and we never understood where did that come

From so after I saw that episode I said hm I wonder if it’s that well you know it’s important if your child is going to pledge that they really do find out something about the pledging process I mean there are little silly things that you might end up doing but nothing that

Is going to be humiliating or lifethreatening I I don’t think you need brother or Sisterhood that badly where you’re willing to put your life at risk everybody wants to belong to something and it’s a it’s a wonderful feeling it’s a beautiful feeling to have a community

Of people you can depend on I mean I’m part of a a global Muslim Community my car got stuck in in in uh Wisconsin one time you nobody call one of my Muslim sisters she never met me before I stayed at her house over overnight she had just wonderful hospitality and everything

Breakfast in the morning and then you know we got somebody that could help me get my car going so when you belong to something when you belong to something where people have agreed that they’re going to be there for you no matter what because your family it’s a wonderful

Feeling so I understand when people want to have that with a fraternity or sorority everything depends on the individuals involved because if the people who are and sometimes you a pledge line that you know you all really become tight you know and all of that yeah and and you become those people you

Can depend on forever so if you if you if you choose to pledge and you start pledging and the people that you’re with you really feel like you formed a bond and this is this is somebody who can be brother or sister for life it’s a good

Thing but if you got some issues even say that your big brother or big sister that you’re pledging under and they don’t like you for some reason like the you know oh she’s trying to steal my boyfriend kind of thing yeah then you can find yourself being being the victim

Of some meanness some hazing some cruelty and the in the incidences that you talked about Barbara uh people trying to humiliate you they’re jealous of you want to cut your hair because they’re really jealous of it and women can do some vicious things when they’re jealous women can be vicious

So just you know you got to use your discernment you got to use your instincts if something doesn’t feel right and I’m glad you all made that decision to to depledge because sometimes friends will pressure you into staying when your heart is telling you

No I can’t do this say oh come on stay with me you know and then you end up in in something you wish you had not so just line went down from 22 people to three yeah yeah so that that lets you know that a lot of people just weren’t

Feeling it and it’s it’s you know what the chapter should the the the uh the uh conference the the head chapter should have looked at that and found out why yeah because that’s that’s a severe drop that’s a severe enough drop that they should have said okay what’s going on

Don’t have that and see also and for fraternities you know there’s still like you all know if you all know a queue you know somebody who’s got a brand on their on their arm yeah we used talk about that a lot too there are there are yeah

We had that conflict and and I think they did a little bit in school days but yeah we had that comp and and so you have to also understand that there may be some there may be some physical uh things that they sign on for some some of these also in

White fraternities there’s this kind of psychological sexual uh component with things uh with with white fraternities there’s a lot of drinking and and people have gotten alcohol poisoning and and died from this kind of stuff so there’s there are a lot of of different cultures you know that

You know we have to make sure that we’re not borrowing from and that we’re not using slave mentality to beat and brand and whip now you you gentlemen if you want to put a brand on your arm that’s on you but you do have to understand where that

Whole branding of black folks came from yeah and so you have to do your history and you have and it and maybe you can change a little bit of the culture we don’t have to say you have to be dropped like cotton or treated like you’re

You’re Made Of of of feathers but you do have to understand that this is supposed to be a point of Pride yes culture and and identity and and and Brotherhood and Sisterhood you know so do your research if you want to do this and understand it

Is going to cost you money so don’t ask your parents to fund this stuff for you get a job most of the time sororities and frat attorneys they’ll have a lot of fundraisers I remember us doing a whole lot of oh yeah and they still do yeah so

You know you just choose to be responsible for whatever the cost is of whatever youall doing because you know there’s always going to be outfits that you’re going to have alike for different events and all that so you got to buy all the pair of fralia for your events

Your step shows whatever you know you’re always going to have things that you have to buy but it is your responsibility if you make that decision to pledge and you got to buy this you got to buy that you gotta pay so much money for this or that that’s your

Responsibility really not your parents because you made that choice to be part of a social group and it could be rewarding and it could really be a lifelong friendship uh a lifelong Brotherhood lifelong Sisterhood people that you can call out of nowhere and and they will come to your rescue and all

Those things it can be all of that but realize it is your choice and be aware if you start to feel uncomfortable just like in any situation if you start to feel uncomfortable and you start to feel that perhaps they’re doing things that are mean and dangerous you might to get

Out well we’ve got to go we thank you all so much and feel free to leave your comments uh on our Facebook or YouTube channel and like And subscribe hit that Bell so that you can get Noti notified every time we’re live at 5 in Chicago

Where the Midwest and six o’clock on the east coast and wherever you are in the world you can join us until next time I’m Naima I’m Cheryl and I’m Barbara we are three black Moms Hi I’m Barbara I’m Cheryl and I’m NAA we’re three black Moms

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