The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena whose face is maed by dust and sweat and blood hello everyone and welcome back to the vetruvian podcast a podcast Senator around self-mastery I’m your host Zach shankin today I’m going to be talking about a subject that is likely a
Sensitive one for a lot of people but is one that needs to be talked about nonetheless uh I’ll be trying to spend most of the time sharing through my specific story shedding light to my journey as you know through the title with alcohol and now not clickbait being
Fully sober why I had made the transition from sober to drinking and have decided to now go back and before I start with the story of the first night that I ever drank alcohol I do want to ask ask that you subscribe on to the YouTube channel I’ve released by the
Time this podcast is out two behind the scenes Vlogs of what’s going on in my life building the podcast the program everything that’s going on I’ve received a lot of good feedback on those reserve your judgment for editing and recording skills for now it’s something that I’m
Iterating on and trying to improve on but I’m really enjoying that format sharing a little bit more about what’s going on behind the scenes and document the process of building something really special here I go into more on why I’m doing that in those episodes so I’ll just leave that there but obviously
You’re listening to this whether it is on YouTube or Spotify or apple or wherever you get your podcast but that’s the called action it would mean the world to me if you subscribe to the YouTube channel excited about what’s going to come in the New Year continue
To create more content share more of my story and share along in this journey together so subscribe but without further Ado I’ll take you back a number of years now to the summer between my second year at University and third year I was on a study abroad program
And we had just touchdown in our first city we landed in Paris uh the group of 50 or so of us in our Travel Group were all unpacking our bags getting packed into the hotel room for those not so familiar with the layout of Paris essentially the city itself is
Concentric rings and the the dead center of Paris like Eiffel Tower kind of area is the center point or Center City and then there’s concentric kind of neighborhood Rings further out and what we didn’t know at the time was our hotel that the program was having us in for
Those 5 days or so that we were in Paris was actually at like the 16th like the outermost ring of Paris so um not the nicest area they get kind of progressively more sketchy as you go out but I digress so we’re all super excited it was actually my first time in Europe
And as is par for college age students in any City but certainly on a study abroad after everyone got their bags set the first evening um was taking off like any other and we were all kind of hitting the group chats like which room
Do we go to to start preg gaming now I personally had not drank alcohol like I alluded to before before at all but I had been in the American University setting and on top of that fraternity life for my first two years of University so I was no stranger to the
Format of a pregame or drinking going out and it was something that I did with my friends regardless it wasn’t an allog together foreign concept to me and it wasn’t the night was starting no differently than any other and I honestly hadn’t thought about it in any
Other different way other than we’re in a new city super excited to see Paris go out hang out with friends Etc so we kind of cram all into one one hotel room everybody we’re playing music on a little Bluetooth speaker people are passing around a bottle of I think vodka
There were beers and then of course in Paris people had a bottle of wine as well and the couple of friends that I had gone in this program that knew me before you know obviously weren’t offering me drinks cuz they knew that I was sober and so I was just sitting on
The edge of the bed kind of hanging out uh playing card games whatever but for whatever reason I for the first time ever was actually intrinsically meaning like I personally was curious not peer pressure not being forced to but I was I was genuinely like I’ll
Actually try can you hand me that bottle of wine and obviously their reaction was like what I remember my friend uh will call him Peter to not dox his name but he was like so excited cuz obviously people who drink want you to drink with
Them to have fun as friends and it’s not like a Mal intent kind of thing and we’ll get into peer pressure and why people want you to drink with them later in this podcast but they were super excited obviously me taking my first drinks whatever and I have to say it was
Altogether the story isn’t going to any sort of wild end I didn’t black out in a Parisian alley I didn’t vomit all over the streets it really was just a pretty normal evening for anyone who has had their first drink and not really hurt themselves with it you know the first
Time you feel drunk you’re not even really sure what’s going on obviously you’re kind of feeling out what that feels like for the first time but it honestly was like a solid night we pregamed there at the hotel finished the bottle of wine went out kind of just
Went bar hopping for the evening and then came back to the hotel and it was nothing different and then so that summer was kind of my first F into drinking in general and I continued to do so semi-regularly during my time in college from that point on through essentially
Graduation but before I go into more of that I think it’s helpful to understand the context and why I was sober before that and had made it which is For Better or For Worse a surprising fact till the age of 20 years old with having never
Had a sip of alcohol in my life so I was raised in a home that alcohol wasn’t present my parents don’t drink didn’t drink so it wasn’t like particularly around and so I didn’t grow up with it inside of the house and then in high school obviously kids start
Drinking on their own time whether they do drink at home with their families or you know have to steal liquor and drink in the basement I don’t know what your particular story is but it’s the same stuff you see in TV if you’re an international student on American
Culture like our drinking age is older so kids have to quot unquote illegally drink when they’re young and those parties did go on in high school I I’m fortunate in many ways that my parents were very L fair in the way that they raised us meaning they were very like
Hands-On Live and Let Live they would simply kind of just present ideas to us and trusted our judgment as me and my brothers to kind of make the right decision and I remember alcohol and drugs were like framed basically saying like if you choose to drink and do drugs
This is typically what happens to people obviously heavily coloring that as like you’re going to [ __ ] your life up you’re going to end up not very far in life quote unquote you know this is what dumb people do right and then if you choose to not drink here are the other outcomes
You’re like ly to get and obviously these were positively colored and so as a insecure but also very arrogant and intellectually identifying young kid as I’ve talked about before like I clung to being the smart kid when I was young to protect against all my other
Insecurities and so for a long time like in high school specifically like I wouldn’t hang out with the kids that drank because I thought I was better than them or like they’re the idiot kids or like they’re the bad kids that aren’t going anywhere you know I’m smart I’m
Going to I have this big future ahead of me I’m not going to go drink I now have come around of course to a lot less of a judgmental perspective a lot of that being the fact that you know you only judge others to the degree you’re
Judging yourself and again I had so much insecurity when I was young that was unaddressed that unconsciously all my judgment towards them was of course a reflection on how insecure I was but that to say I was pretty staunchly against it in high school and then coming into college obviously my mind
Was continuing to expand a bit I was it was more broaden and I was probably reaching more of this the opinion or perspective where it was like do what you want I don’t judge it I just don’t want to do it and I knew I made the decision especially coming into
University and then on top of that rushing of fraternity and pledging of fraternity that one I didn’t want to be forced to consume alcohol so I was very ver about it during the rushing process which is like when you’re scouting out or seeking out membership in different
Fraternities I would share that when I was walking around like hey I am sober and I don’t intend to drink is that common here would that be okay here and obviously the reaction of the X Y and Z fraternity person that I was talking to indicated pretty well to me whether or
Not that was a thing or they’d be like oh that’s interesting you know no one’s going to say outright like hey that’s not going to fly but but the house that I eventually ended up joining was definitely the most accepting even as an outsider you know they quickly brought me to other older
Brothers in the house that were also sober and so being able to see that people were also doing it too was really inviting and also something I didn’t necessarily expect from Greek life in general just because my opinions were colored like most people from media movies Etc and neither of my
Parents were very Greek in their University time they didn’t join fraternity sorority life and they were always kind of very I guess judgy towards the community or idea because if you’re not an Insider you really don’t know or can’t understand so I was going into college wanting to be sober and I specifically
Remember never wanting to be dependent on alcohol to be social or to be uh confident or to be really just comfortable in your own skin and granted I had plenty of internal insecurities that I was working on but I can’t tell you the amount of times I heard
Throughout my time at University and even beyond that still to this day if you go out socializing with people I’m the phrase from whether it’s guys or girls I’m too sober to be here or like when you’re hanging out with your guy friends and the evening’s starting and
Maybe it’s a date night and they’re you’re waiting for the girls to come over and they’re like all right let’s loosen up let’s take some shots to do XY and Z like I know for a fact that is a very common and you’re probably thinking you’ve heard something similar and I always thought
Especially when I was during those first two years before I had started drinking how sad that was you know how how tragic is it that people are so uncomfortable with their own self or how they’re going to be presented or are willing to present themselves in
Front of others that they need need to essentially numb or turn off that part of their brain that is very anxious and judgy just to be comfortable I always was very averse to that idea so that’s why I chose to stay sober and then transitioning into drinking it that opinion or perspective
Really didn’t change but I did notice you know after a couple of years of drinking at least on a weekly basis I was never and have never been a dependent substance dependent person where I was drinking every single day I’ve never done five to seven days
Straight uh every once in a while I was good for a two to three day weekend Bender but I was never like the peak of the degenerate list but I’m also not going to say I was the holiest amongst the group I definitely had my fair share
Of not so bright moments some fuzzy memories some entirely black memories as well but I digress to return to the point that as I was kind of transitioning towards my senior year starting to aim towards some of the things that I’m working on and towards now you know I
Was doing as I’ve alluded to before like a lot of introspective work stuff that I have guys work through that work with me to uncover whether it is your purpose Etc doing a lot of those exercises spending a lot of time in reflection who am I what do I want out
Of life who am I trying to be what are the actions necessary to get there I was also dialing in a lot more on my fitness and obviously alcohol is directly antagonistic to health it’s literally poison I’m not going to spend this podcast telling you how bad it is for
Your physical health I’m not the most qualified in the world nor do I think it’s rocket science I think even an alcoholic would agree it’s not good for the body if you’re looking for a podcast to kind of give you as explicit on why you should shouldn’t drink for your
Physical body you should check out the huberman podcast on alcohol he is very clear on the neurodegenerative effects and he doesn’t even really get into kind of damage to the gut damage to the metabolism all those different things but I don’t think it’s a big point of
Argument or even as necessary I think we can all agree regardless of where you’re sitting there whether you’re drinking multiple times a week one time a week one time a month a couple times a year whatever you’re clip of alcohol consumption is currently you know it’s
Not great when you do it but I think the more interesting question and stuff to explore is the social effects like why are you drinking are you doing it for yourself is it habitual on purpose with intention or is it habitual unconsciously or because of peer pressure so moving towards senior year
And all of these things that I was getting ready to step into building a business chasing after entrepreneurship trying to build a business in parallel with a full-time job all of these things it was something that pretty easily I was able to start stepping my way out of
I remember senior year specifically we you know we made a championship run at a national title for lacrosse as well and I didn’t ever want to sacrifice my performance on the field Friday Saturday or Sunday for Thursday night drinks Friday night drinks so I was drinking a
Lot less senior year and as I was coming out of the normal consumption pattern you do start to recognize how unhealthy the social habit of oh it’s Thursday night like we’re just going to start rolling into the weekend this is when we start drinking and then Friday
Night who where are we going pregame this party that it just becomes kind of this Loop right where Monday through Thursday Friday is what you’re getting through whether it’s University or your job and you’re just trying to get to the weekend where you now allow yourself to
Have fun but fun is numbing yourself to the point of kind of forgetting how much you don’t like Monday through Friday and then feeling like [ __ ] and then Sunday rolls around and not only are you hung over but you’re anxious about going back to that same existence the following
Week and then it’s this toxic loop on repeat and again University which is kind of a different discussion but University even in the alcohol consumption Loop of drink the weekends to forget the week that you don’t like and then drink the weekends and you’re just continuing to spiral down is
Literally training you for the same thing in the 9 to-5 world for those in the audience that have transitioned out of the University age and are into the nine-to-five world you’re probably seeing it very common you know like people are not very creative especially when these habits have been ingrained
For them for 3 to four years in University now obviously I can only speak to the American University system but as I’ve done even more World TR traveling over the last few years whether it was that study abroad program or beyond that I’ve met people from all
Over the world and all different age groups demographics that kind of unconscious alcohol consumption is extremely Universal and I think it’s because we have a massive problem with people wanting or being willing to spend the time with themselves to get clear on who they are what they want and how they
Can build a life that they want rather than a life that they want to forget on a consistent basis but I am empathetic to how hypnotic that Loop can be as I was stepping away from drinking alcohol during college and really kind of going down that route and then I was kind of
Transitioning into this new new self or maybe a return to the old self the sober self from when I was younger I did see how kind of hard it was or how consistent or contextually framed all of my social life was around alcohol and I think that
Honestly this is the biggest Crux this is the thing that makes it the hardest to stop is you get to the place where you start to realize okay it’s bad for whether you have fitness goals or I need more time for business or I hate feeling hung over or I never really enjoyed
Going out that much anyway and you’re starting to realize you want to stop okay the awareness is now there but it’s really really hard to say no to all your friends or the current opportunities or whatever and not have another option because if you say hey
I’m not going to have a drink be like come on man we always do this it’s Friday like loosen up a little bit just relax don’t take it so serious uh it’s just one drink you don’t have to drink that much just come out with us anyway
All all that different type of feedback you’ve heard it and it’s really hard to say no comma and I’m just going to be at home alone even if it is like you building out your business or your Escape Route to freedom to break into this new version of yourself it is
Really hard to just like lock that door and be alone now there may and very well will be a time where you do go through that lonely period where you haven’t found that next group yet but I think what’s really really hard is figuring out what to do in the meantime while
Real catches up and you do start to seek out slind that new community of people that doesn’t drink on a consistent basis or if they do doesn’t toxically pressure you to drink with them and and I think that that’s one of the more interesting types of behaviors that I
Think deserves to be observed third party don’t place any judgment on it but I do think that if you sit back and analyze why certain people or any people would be so particularly offended by you with your body and your specific consumption habits not being the same as theirs that should start
Raising in my opinion some red flags as to maybe there’s an unhealthy relationship whether it’s with me me to this person them to this substance me to this substance something in the air is off or to draw light to how strange the behavior is if you were
At a Chipotle and you’re ahead of me you’re doing your order you get a steak bowl and I go after you and I get chicken and they turn around and say well why aren’t you getting steak and I say something like well you know I want to eat chicken today like that’s what
I’m in the mood for it’s more aligned with maybe my training goals whatever like you give whatever reason maybe it’s just preference maybe you do have more reasons to give and then they’re like well what do you mean we always get steak or I’m getting steak so you should
Just join join in with me or you’re not going to make me eat steak alone right all of these kinds of things would be just so strange and asinine because it’s my body like I’m going to feed it what I want now obviously just replace the meal
With alcohol and it’s the same thing except there’s way more negative effects physically emotionally mentally spiritually to drinking alcohol and I think that this is where we can say like okay something is off here whether it is the way that they use the substance whether it’s the substance themselves
Whether it’s our relationship being founded upon that the only thing we have in common is actually drinking maybe either this relationship between us needs to be re-evaluated and re-evaluated meaning maybe I set a boundary and say like hey this is something I’m going to be stepping into if you want to
Consistently see me or hang out with me like that’s just I’m not going to take the drink so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t offer it in the future or just cutting them off entirely if that’s something that they can’t learn or can’t internalize or aren’t willing to seed
With and you’ll be surprised if you decide to make and maybe you wouldn’t maybe surprised is the wrong word a shocking amount especially if you’ve gone through American University or university age in general how many people in your life or how many of your the relationships that
Are in your periphery are founded upon just going out and just drinking if you were to remove alcohol from your life tomorrow if you were to list out all the people that are in your friend group how many of them do you share a real hobby
Or interest in besides just going out on the weekends the circle gets small really really quickly and it’s definitely something I experienced you know some of my best friends through University not bad people at all still love them and wish them the best but when I really
Committed and decided to step into like hey I’m not going to drink like I can’t go out Friday Saturday Sunday cuz I have something to build I have work to do outside of my full-time job job that’s going to give me the future that I want
You know at first it’s oh come on we used to always it’s the time and then you sure you don’t want to come out and then eventually they learn to stop asking and then it just gets really really quiet and then in the future obviously if you move into different
Apartments or move on beyond that like short of intentionally reaching out one way or the other you kind of just drift apart and I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that but it’s all all that to say you really do become aware very very quickly who was there for just a season
And who was there for life because some people can transition and transcend that period of life like you both were doing X Y and Z thing together drinking whatever you move on but maybe they’re also growing out of that into their self-development Arc or maybe they’re stepping into Parenthood and it’s just
No longer aligned with their goals it’s it’s not to place judgment really on any of those things but you do have to do what is best for you and what is best for you you know internally and that even goes into the alcohol thing right like if you’re numbing yourself on a
Consistent basis you don’t have the space time and Clarity to know what quote unquote is best for you and your heart is calling towards are you using alcohol as a cope my personal opinion on drinking in general is that no one well it’s it’s hard to deal in absolutes but
Almost no one if I’m going to give myself an out drinks because intrinsically that activity is fun I think that it is the context that I’ve already talked about a lot it gives you access to social Gatherings it makes your insecurities lessened and dampened it numbs some sort
Of other thing that you’re not addressing whether it’s a toxic relationship a job you hate insecurities about your health Trauma from your past I mean the list could be really really long on what you’re using alcohol to cope with but I just think when you look
At the effects on the body how you feel after doing it like no one looks back on a weekend of just binge drinking and then while sitting there hung over was like I 100% I’m glad that I did that now you may have made some fun memories in
The in the process of it but like that is a almost accidental byproduct to spending time with people you love and doing something exciting and if your life is extremely mundane then maybe going down to the Corner Bar that you already go to is the only way that your
Soul is being somewhat filled with experience because you spend the rest of your week in a blue lit cubicle doing something you hate for someone you hate and all the while you’re underutilizing your potential which you know and you’re accountable to in your soul but you choose to numb out with entertainment
And then on the weekends alcohol I’m speaking very directly because I think that there are some percentage of people listening to this that need to be called out to snap out of that Loop like if any amount of this is triggering you good it is good that you are having an emotional
Reaction to my objective statements I can encourage you to take a pause step away and say okay why am I getting emotional at something he’s saying about either his story his perspective on alcohol the only way that it’s emotionally triggering in you is because somewhere deep inside that you believe
There is truth to it or that you need to reevaluate your relationship with alcohol I did ask earlier this week on my story about questions you may have around alcohol my opinions about it I’ve given a decent amount of context into my story kind of loosely alluded to
Specific parts of my story but I do want to address some of these questions because they are really really good and I do think that they are stuff that people deal with at length and a few of them will provide useful tools for you if you’re in a period where you’re
Evaluating your relationship with alcohol sir bishy on Instagram asked what has freed you from always having to lean on something and that’s a great question and I know at the beginning of this I talked about a reason that I didn’t drink in the past was not wanting to use
Alcohol as a crutch and then starting to drink and I I suppose I didn’t close the loop extremely well but as I was coming out of drinking consistently another thing that I noticed not only about kind of the social environment was that I had
Actually started to use it as a bit of a crutch or something to lean on specifically confidence around approaching girls I’ve never been particularly unconfident approaching girls I could always talk the part I suppose and as I continue to develop myself and work on specifically like my body that adds additional confidence you
Know I think I look all right but there’s still obviously approach anxiety or even just kind of shooting the [ __ ] or the ability to kind of talk confidently in a social setting to pretty girls that you’re approaching and that was kind of the last Bastion or
Thing that I was holding on to drinking for in general was okay I won’t do it very regularly but if I am going to go out I do want to have the confidence to approach girls that I like but especially over the last 6 months I’ve been able to prove through EXP erience
To myself that just walking up to a girl talking to her confidently by myself with no alcohol present I can still present myself well and attract the girls that are also attracted to me won’t go into any details further on that that could be a whole podcast in
And of itself but all that to say it became a social lubricant or quote unquote liquid courage for me for a while so I know that someone who maybe has never accessed that without alcohol alol that could be a huge reason especially for young men to want to
Continue to drink because you know it lowers your it makes you have way more Swagger and confidence also likely it lowers their inhibition to potentially go home with you that night so if your only way to get sexual access is through a drunk encounter that’s first of all
Sad but I’m empathetic towards it and I can see how that would be a reason to want to hold on to consistent drinking the tough part is let’s L out that scenario right like you do get to go home with the girl at some point you
Will have done that so many times that you’ll realize that transient relationships and quick hookups are not that fulfilling okay cool now I’m looking for a relationship well if the only way I can talk to a girl in the first place in ATT tractor is when I’m drunk and she’s
Drunk what happens when you both sober up and then the actual dating life starts and if you want to have an extended period of a relationship you’re not going to be drunk 24 hours a day for the rest of your life so if you can only tolerate being around each other or
Being around yourself when you’re intoxicated it’s going to be a pretty miserable life and arguably an extremely toxic relationship to each other so it’s worth getting to the place where you can have that intrinsic confidence now to address your question directly what freed me I don’t know that I was ever
Particularly Shackled but I honestly treated it as like a cost benefit analysis I think it’s worth doing like does this serve me Andor enhance this experience or the direction I want to go yes or no if it’s no then why am I going to continue to do it you could
Even also think and project out to whether it’s your future self or your highest self like the version of you you want to become what does that person do every day do they drink every single weekend do they drink every single day are they dependent upon alcohol to talk to
Girls are they dependent upon alcohol to be confident in a social setting to do small talk to network at a professional event it is unlikely that the highest version of yourself does those things that’s for you to decide and you to analyze but for me and my highest self
The future version of me that’s giving me advice that guy doesn’t so I don’t drink so that is something those are some helpful reframes or mental models that could be helpful for stepping away from consistent alcohol use but that’s not very tactical and Talon asked a good
Related question which is how to deal with the social pressure of drinking so I’m going to offer some like practical advice especially from being in fraternity life and being sober you learn a lot of for lack of a better phrase tricks of the trade to be sober
In Social settings so a lot of times it is just an Optics thing meaning like you need to just look the part at the party so if you aren’t going to drink but you don’t want to have to tell every next person person that you bump into at the
Party whether it’s a girl or a guy why you’re sober or why you’re not drinking Simply Having something in your hand a drink in your hand will deter most of it unless they’re particularly curious and they’re like what are you drinking most people if they see you with a red Solo
Cup or say a glass out at a bar if you just get a glass with sparkling water and a lime you’re going to be passable for 90 plus% of the people people that are there and it gives you a little bit more confidence to just have the thing
In your hand you know take sips here and there and just Meander through so that’s one kind of tactical piece of advice if you’re still in those kind of settings where people are going to judge you is just have a drink in your hand another one for myself is always
Have a close timeline excuse cuz I’m already you know 30 minutes into this podcast explaining My Philosophy on alcohol and you likely have this kind of nuance perspective well no because it doesn’t serve my highest self and it doesn’t align with my goals and tomorrow
I’m going to train at XY and Z time blah blah blah like you don’t want to have to explain to a drunk person at a party all of the reasons that alcohol doesn’t serve you and you don’t want to be doing it especially if they’re just going to
Throwback drunk garbage to you and say like come on just one sip blah blah blah so having a direct reason why you’re not drinking that day and it could be fabricated or it could be real I think it’s helpful if you’re a very busy and driven person you likely have something
To wake up for tomorrow in University there’s always the easy out like I got an early class tomorrow I’ve got an 8 a.m. or I’ve got a test tomorrow or you know I was a student athlete so I could say you know I’ve got 5:00 a.m. practice
Tomorrow or we’ve got a game this weekend those are all pretty good reasons and if you have that quickly loaded it’ll deter or kind of shut down most conversations additionally being able to think on your toes and playfully banter with people on why you may or may
Not be drinking is going to also help with just general self-confidence and even your quote unquote game when talking to girls because a lot of it is kind of like a [ __ ] test if you will or you just need to redirect their energy and curiosity away this comes from like social
Observation you know spending years like in these extremely drunk settings but also being sober you get to watch like the psychology play out and drunk people behave kind of like cats like you just have to just Loosely direct them and heard them they’re not particularly interested in your world again they’re
Not a lot of their brain and your brain while you’re drinking is turned off to like the finer details the Nuance of the situation you’re just kind of floating and vibing and that means that you don’t have to debate or philosophize with someone on the benefits or harm of
Drinking in the moment you just have to make it an enjoyable experience for both of you guys so if someone’s like oh you can’t play this drinking game if you’re not drinking that wouldn’t be fair you’d be like oh are you worried I’m going to
Smoke you bro you just have to kind of bring a lightness to the energy because again as we’ve talked about before kind of my working thesis I do think a lot of people are drinking to hide something or to deal with something meaning that some part of them is miserable old phrase
Misery loves company on a some unconscious level again I think it is unconscious predominantly like they’re not malicious they don’t want bad for you but they’re hurting somewhere inside and their misery wants company they want other people around them doing the same thing on that same kind of vibrational
Wavelength and so it can people don’t like to look at the person who’s sober while they’re hammered cuz even if you’re not judging them you’re just sitting there a lot of people feel judged and as I talked about at the very beginning beginning of this the Judgment
Thing feeling judged is only up to your capacity that you’re judging yourself so if you’re really really insecure or you’re worried about someone judging you it’s because you’re judging yourself inside same thing if someone’s like oh you think you’re better than us it’s because they’re dealing with something
So again being able to playfully redirect always position yourself as the good guy or just the playful guy another one that just came to mind because it’s been a bit of time since I’ve been in this setting is you could always be the hero and just be the designated driver
For the evening nobody wants to do it if they’re in the drinking circles and they want to be going out and if you become the Free Ride the free Uber for the evening for the team that’s a huge one you can get the food at the end of the
Night for the group you can make sure your friends are safe going to and from different locations so it actually serves like both utility to the group and it also gives you an out for not wanting to drink but again a lot of the stuff I’ve just
Described should be a bandaid not a permanent solution to the overarching problem which is your social environment is curated in a way that is surrounding alcohol but these tactics are important if you can’t snap your fingers and change that right like you can’t get a new friend group overnight you can’t
Just leave your University necessarily you can’t transition jobs and no longer have that same friend group that you’ve built up at your current workplace so in the I guess transition period while you’re working on becoming the person that you’re meant to be and then having your external environment begin to
Reflect that these are helpful tricks and tools a final one is maybe more of a tactical strategy but try to curate not finding yourself in settings where there is a social pressure to drink so maybe putting yourself into a fraternity in an American University is a statistically unwise decision as far
As percentage of opportunities you’re going to be asked to or pressur to drink same with going to a bar on Thursday Friday or Saturday night or having all of your friend group be just the people that you happen to bump into in your local area or through your workplace
Like you need to make sure that you’re curating your social environment around shared values that likely don’t align with drinking generally a great one would be the gym people who are consistently working on their bodies and their Fitness likely aren’t not always but likely aren’t consistently drinking
On the weekends so curating your social friend group around some sort of community Fitness class or weekend run club or Sports League those people might allow you to have a group of people that aren’t focused on X Y and Z so the meta tactic or the last takeaway is just
Don’t put yourself around those people which easier said than done but that would be my encouragement because eventually you will get to the place where you have been the person long enough that your environment around you has just naturally attracted and curated the like-minded individuals that you’ve
Always been seeking out and if you can be strong enough to be the one that stays firm to their beliefs regardless of the social pressures you have to say no once you have to say no twice you have to say no 10 times you have to say no a 100 times
At some point it does sink in and I really do believe that even if they won’t like you or understand you they will respect you and I think as a man respect is one of the deeper intrinsic things that we’re seeking from our social settings our peers the women are lives
Etc and of course self-respect is the most important thing so if you tell yourself you’re not going to drink and then you go out with friends and then one drink turns into two and then uh I I did I wasn’t going to drink this weekend but it just kind of happened that’s a
Lie to yourself or that’s falling short of the bar you set for yourself and if you do that on a consistent basis you won’t respect yourself just like other people wouldn’t respect you if you said X and then did y so hold strong to your
Stance and if you can beat that guy not only will they respect you but you become a beacon and you give people a permission or an out to maybe join you also because as we’ve talked about and as my opinion has been stated I don’t think a bunch of people really like to
Repeat these kind of patterns and habits they just don’t see a way out and maybe they aren’t brave enough to be the first or strong enough to be the first but oh you’re not drinking well yeah I I won’t drink either maybe we should just go I
I’ll go home with you after dinner and not go back to Drinks like I’m only saying all of this because I’ve seen it in my own life and a lot of people are trapped in the bottom of that barrel and it’s like the crabs in the bucket right you try to
Crawl out of the bucket and the other crabs pull you back down until somebody gets to the out top of the bucket or reaches into the lid and tries to pull some people out people won’t believe that it’s possible ton also asked at what point is drink having fun versus
Cope and my thesis has been made clear on this episode but to repeat like I do think it’s predominantly cope because truly having fun like what is fun what is play it’s something that you are accessing that sort of childlike State like and drinking itself like the activity isn’t
Fun people who are alcoholics and are dependent on the substance itself are miserable they’re miserable and we can tell for sure now for the quote unquote functioning alcoholics which are many of society their life is good enough that we’re not going to place a bunch of judgment and we can’t necessarily tell
That they’re miserable but it comes out in different types of ways lack of conviction kind of directionless aim with life the need to return to the substance on a consistent basis you the person listening need to do your internal calculus on whether alcohol is serving you or not for some
People you really can drink on some sort of consistent basis balance it into your life and have fun with it if it means not letting go to people that you want to keep in your life and the only way that you have a relationship with them is drinking I personally don’t think
That’s much of a relationship but to each their own and you have your internal calculus and decision-making around alcohol is yours it is one of of one I speak with a lot of conviction for the things that I believe my life and what I believe is true about other
People but it doesn’t make it true nor does it matter for your life more than you can make it real I just think that with something that has so much control and also definitively has so many negative side effects it is worth looking Darkly in the mirror and saying
Do I gain energy from this or do I lose energy from this reflecting after you use it potentially and this works with relationships too like when I’m around ex- person and I finish being with them do I feel drained or do I feel energized when I go out on Friday night
How do I feel on Saturday and Sunday do I feel drained do I feel energized is the tradeoff of the quote unquote fun experience worth the feeling that I get afterwards am I willing to pour my energy into this type of event for the memory or to facilitate the
Experience maybe it is maybe it isn’t but you need to get to the place where you answer it for yourself and I have just finally fully honestly gotten to the place where I kept it real with myself cuz for for that for the last probably year I was in the camp where I
Said I won’t drink except for very rarely when I think it will Elevate the experience but I just did the math and like sat down with myself I was like what experience do I genuinely for me think it would Elevate or increase the quality of and the answer is none genuinely none
I I came up with all these theoreticals in my head I was like what if Joe Rogan invites you to his studio and you know he’s passing whiskey around with the the fellas like are you really going to turn down whiskey with with Joe Rogan or are
You going to turn down the chance to drink a margarita with the girl of your dreams on the beach and the truth is yes be because it would not only be a disservice to myself but it would be a disservice to these theoretical people as well to be anything less than my most
Authentic self and if I was behaving in a different way for them than I would alone then there’s your answer I think that you have to be as much of yourself as you humanly can be and in that that is the greatest act of selflessness you can give I think that
We’re here to give a gift to the world you are that gift and if you’re a pale copy of somebody else or you’re shifting your behavior in a different setting to appease other people or to fit in or to do something that maybe is just more socially acceptable or
Whatever I think you’re doing yourself a disservice and by doing yourself a disservice you’re doing a disservice to everyone there because you’re cheating them of the highest version of you the most authentic version of you that only you can give so that’s why for me when I critically critically analyzed and it
Wasn’t until a couple of months ago where I ran the theoretical and I finally was like you know what I just won’t drink it doesn’t make sense for me I’m going to fully own it I’m going to be honest in it and the confidence that comes from holding and believing in that
And then sticking to it from there is extremely compounding into other buckets of Life Cody asked do you think that drinking has anything to do with more or quote unquote faster success the short answer before I go into it is definitely yes now as he knows and I’ve talked about before words
Are extremely important so getting clear on what you define as success is important so you know what you’re aiming at as your version of success that’s its own podcast in to itself but say you know what your version of success looks like mon mon arily relationships Perfect Day how do you
Feel what is your body all these different things how many of those scenarios regardless of what your goal is is going to be more or quicker to achieve with drinking consistently there might be some verticals that you could argue like hey I want to be a club
Promoter or I want to break into the bartending scene or what have you so I think you could probably find really niche answers where drinking might help you get there but the act of getting absolutely blasted drunk on any sort of consistent basis serving those goals no shot like you as a business
Owner as an artist as a athlete as a whatever you are the version of you that drinks consistently versus the version of you that’s completely sober 10 out of 10 times is going to get smoked by the sober version because they don’t wake up with brain fog they don’t don’t miss
Alarms they don’t skip workouts they don’t miss their meal plan they have all day of clear Focus to do the things that they said they were going to do yesterday which means compounding they’re making more progress and never getting reset so it’s not that they’re just moving faster they’re
Moving exponentially faster because for every two steps forward and half step back you’re taking they’re still just stepping forward and you know it whoever you are sitting there like how Elite and dialed in do you feel in the periods of time where you do drink on the weekends
And then try to be productive the day after but then you’re hung over so your willpower is drained you just want to feel better so you eat the shitty food the food makes you feel shitty you want to stay sitting down on your couch all day you don’t move your body which also
Makes you feel shitty then you miss your workout and it’s just a toxic loop again the Crux of the conversation is how do you escape the hypnotic social pressure to do something that you pretty much no and we probably could have agreed before this podcast started isn’t good for you
You being anyone how do you break out of that and I’ve already laid out a bunch of tips tricks and Frameworks that can be helpful if you’re in environment but the norstar the eventual goal is to just be in an environment where it is no longer presented and believe me they
Exist you may be in a space where you don’t think that they are or you don’t know where they are but those people exist the environments exist you just have to persist in that identity the person who is that person for your environment to begin to reflect
It and like I said before maybe it is the environment you’re already in you just need to be the lighthouse to give the people the out to be the first to let other people step into it I think that’s where I’m going to leave this one
I hope that through me sharing my story it was somewhat helpful you could see yourself in parts of that story and I want to say to the those that made it this far first of all thank you second of all subscribe on YouTube and third of
All I feel you I know where you’re at I’ve been where you’re at and I encourage you to persist in chasing that highest version of yourself because it is your obligation and duty to do so and to give yourself as a gift to the world and consistent drinking is holding you
Back you know it is true believe that it is possible to curate an environment of people that don’t force you to drink or encourage you to do so or it’s the only way that you can hang out if you need someone to talk to about it my DMs are
Wide open I also have a free Discord Community you can join DM me on any socials and I can invite you to that otherwise excited to be consistently dropping podcasts moving forward every single Tuesday at 5:00 a.m. stay posted on YouTube for additional behind the scenes Vlogs building the fian series
Continuing to come out really excited about some big future guests coming up and more solo pods as well mixed in I really enjoy this medium I love talking to you guys directly and as long as I feel like I am being of service I will
Continue to do so but that is all for this one remember your time and attention are your most valuable resources so thank you for spending them with myself today momentum Mory and I’ll catch you on the next episode of the vetruvian Podcast and if he fails at least fails while out daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid Souls who know neither Victory nor defeat
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