Yo what’s cracking what’s cracking what’s cracking it’s your man 50 Grand Jay Burke here the fatherhood exclusive podcast I got my guys on the line I got Angelo pompo on the line what’s up brother yo yo yo what’s up man how you doing I’m doing good why I say on the
Line like we on the phone call anyways then I got I got Diego in the building what’s up brother what’s going on gentlemen in the building in a building um because we’re not in the same building but it’s okay anyways um yeah how was how was yall weekend man
How y anything new happening this past week Angelo uh no not much man I took uh my oldest Aya um out in a little daddy daughter date uh lately she’s kind of been hitting with the burden of you know the whole divorce and everything else
Like that um her mom and the guy that she’s seeing he’s got two kids so my three kids plus two three kids she’s the oldest she gets overwhelmed very easily and I know out of this whole kind of situation it’s kind of been hitting
Her the hardest so I took her on a on a daddy daughter date just to let her know that I appreciate her and her strength and that I recognize her struggles and that I wanted to tell her I appreciate her and and that how beautiful it has
Been that she’s been keeping it together but it’s also okay you know to let it affect you sometimes I don’t want her to feel like she has to put up this front you know and it’s it’s okay to struggle you know Dad struggles every day just it’s and
It’s okay but we went out we took some we took some cute pictures you know oh wow we went we went to round one you know we had a had a fun time I spent way too much money but I mean can’t put a price on a good time so yeah yeah yeah
Facts unless you out unless you out with the guys and that’s different you got to put a price on that thing you do yes you did hopefully it’s not a bail price from jail yeah not that but um what was I going to say I was going to say
Something this is like way off topic but I heard you say something and it kind of I wouldn’t say it triggered something from me but I just think a certain way with certain things right and I wanted to share this on the podcast for other people who may want to think a different
Way so when you said what what’s the first word I mean d not first word what’s the first thing you think of when you think struggle um doing it alone what’s the first thing you think of when you think challenge um overcoming okay so think about that for
Two seconds one two Okay cool so what I try to do especially with the kids and this is not like me trying to give you advice or anything but this is goad perspective on what you said right what I try to do especially with the kids but
Even Within Myself it helps a lot I try to stay away from the words struggle problem or issue and I replace it with the word challenge like we’re having this challenge or you know I’m I’m challenged with this this thing or you know you know what I’m trying to say
Because it it it teaches or it trains your mind to think this is something I have to overcome versus struggle makes you feel like I’m down you know what I mean you’re redirecting negative energy exactly so and that’s coming from a person that has had issues with anxiety and depression
At certain points in my life so you know reconditioning your brain to think instead of instead of saying oh I have this issue or I have this struggle or I have this I say I have this challenge or as a family oh we’re dealing with this challenge you know because then it makes
You think all right how are we gonna get through this you know what I’m trying to say so yeah that’s perfect just yeah listening to you I just wanted to throw that out there because I was like oh I don’t like that word not because you
Used it but because of no yeah because of the standard you’re trying to set for your own family and that’s awesome and you know I’m probably going to adapt and do that same thing you hear the word struggle compared to challenge the that tone is flipped from night to day yeah
Yeah absolutely that’s awesome yeah that’s something I I’ve used myself um you know that’s something that I uh I develop through therapy and stuff like that so anyways um dieo how you doing man how’s your week um I’m doing good uh the weekend was busy busy uh I had drill so had a
Bunch of stuff with the military so uh and then I had um I am closing a lot of orders because um I got I’m getting surgery next Monday so trying to catch up with order so I can close everything out before uh I am out of uh commission
For a bit because um I can’t I’m getting a foot surgery so I won’t be able to have any weight bearing on it so um it’ll it’ll it’ll be challenging for me to you know screen print while I’m you’re working double overtime right now yeah so I’m like trying to catch up with
Everything and TR so it’s been it’s been pretty busy but it’s going can’t complain know life is good yeah absolutely good to hear um my week was pretty good man we we spent last week in North Carolina um those of you don’t know um me and the family are hot
Tailing it out of here at a beautiful Evergreen State and um going to the queen State we’re going to um North Carolina and uh so we went down to look at properties and some other things and just get the lay of land a little bit absolutely beautiful beautiful beautiful
Beautiful um State I can’t say enough good things about it to be honest um I was kind of surprised because coming from like I’m from Virginia originally which is only one state up you wouldn’t think that you know you go one state down it’s a completely different like everything’s different it looks
Different feels different like oh my gosh we were blown away so you know took the family down there um you know found an apartment for you know until we close on the right house that we want um you know went to see some we aquariums museums blah blah blah right so um it
Was just a blessing to be able to do that got back Sunday night so I’m still like on zombie mode yeah I’m still on zombie mode still Justin um but yeah oh man I got to tell y’all today was a beautiful day um even though it’s raining outside but you know
Um we we’ve talked about it before in this podcast on how many kids I got right so y’all should know by now if you’re a frequent listener and if you don’t you need to go back to the first you know few episodes to learn um how
Many kids I got but you know I’ve had a a mediumsized sedan for the longest time and um anytime we take the whole family like me Mom and the kids we go somewhere we usually have to take two cars um if all of them are here so you know I was
Blessed to be in a position and opportunity to uh buy a eight-seater vehicle today oh so uh Tahoe damn Tahoe LT yeah so um which is actually had more seats than the Suburban which is weird but um I guess the Suburban has that cutout in the middle so it’s a
Seven seater yeah yeah so it’s a seven seater this one has three seats on two rows um so plenty of seats um it it was nice man that’s awesome congratulations appreciate it um now we ain’t gotta you know it’ll still be guzzling gas but not
With two cars so yeah yeah um and it’s funny that you know so we went to L like I said and you know man kid remember how we said before kids are Master manipulators right like they know how to act in a certain environment so we went to my Pop’s house
Um so they got to see papa and they got to see his fiance you know they’re soon to be uh grandmother-in-law I’ve never heard anybody say that grandmother-in-law that’s crazy that’s very rare yeah anyways they go they got to see papa grandma and um you know they down south like up
Here I found out like recently they do a big too for Halloween and stuff like that like you just got to go to certain areas some areas are not with it and some areas are like decorated all out blah blah blah so but went to uh my Pop’s house and um you
Know Grandma got freaking when I say like a tough box size or let’s see we got civilians listening uh just imagine a huge uh what do they call it tote totes yeah totes imagine a huge tote uh military you know we got tough boxes so imagine a huge tough box full of candy
Like like literally full of candy right so she still had half of two totes two two bro and mind you um shout out to KI if you’re listening she also had a a tote full of potato chips snacks I’m like what are y’all doing here like what
Is going on D what is like why do you have like you know what I’m saying but I guess you know uh kha don’t play when it come to you know sending her babies to to other people’s house to get candy she don’t really trust you know everybody so
She well we going to do our own little Halloween thing that’s fair that’s fair so she’s like a trusted source for the candy in the neighborhood but that’s good so she she a dealer yeah but the kids see that and they’re like of course you know they eating it up there’re like
Oh we want candy oh we want snacks blah blah blah and we can’t I would’t say we can’t say but it’d be dumb for us to say oh we don’t have no candy because you got two tots right in front of you and it’s easy access right swimming pools
Yeah so immediately like Grandma Grandpa they’re like oh he yeah I want some candy I want some and I’m just like really so here comes that that breaking you know where we got to be like all right look hey the kids can have this many pieces or none depending on how
They be acting um and oh they just ate like they don’t need a snack blah blah blah and so what we going to talk about is how to communicate that with the grandparents or any family members like you know when you got kids they go over Auntie Uncle house grandma grandpa house
The babysitter like we got kids that go other places and we have to remind people that you know we have certain rules in our house and we have certain um ways of doing things in our house how do y’all manage that conversation Angela so this has been it was a big battle for
Me right so i’ I’ve mentioned that I’m divorced but when I was married um there was a stipulation going on in between going to Grandma’s house on her side of the family and going to Grandma and Grandpa’s house on my side of the family um dang I didn’t even think about that
You got two different grandma and grandpas too yeah yeah so with with that being said by all means all of them are great grandparents amazing with the kids but whenever they went to my ex’s mom’s house in the beginning when we moved back up here right it
Was put the kids on the tablets um giving them candy before dinner giving them candy after dinner and then when I get my kids back from what going on a date night or what or whatever you know we hear all about how great grandma grandpa’s house was and it’s awesome to
A point right and I’d always have to remind them like my kids we monitor what goes into their mouth what goes into their bellies all the nutrition everything else like that we work hard on that and I’d appreciate it if you respect my rules yes if they eat all of
The dinner they can have a piece of candy blah blah blah it was a battle for weeks when they would go over there and I finally had to put my foot down with my ex-mother-in-law and I said hey if you don’t respect the rules that I have
In my household I will not you won’t be seeing your grandkids for a little bit she thought I was joking gave them a little bit of extra candy here and there more screen time because by all means my kids are not iPad kids at all they’re not right that
Is the furthest thing that I put my foot down on and when they came back they had nothing but you know sugar and blah blah blah so somebody didn’t get to see their grandkids for a little bit and I and I was very serious about it thankfully my
Parents to this day will call me and they’ll be like hey you know um is it okay if the kids have ice cream after dinner tonight because they know how strict I am they know how when they come have dinner at my house my kids don’t leave the table till their food’s gone
Um there if one of them finishes beforehand they know not to ask for dessert until their brothers or sisters are done because that’s not fair but if one does finish their dinner and the other two you know some kids are just they fight it till till night time till
The morning they’ll sit there for hours I’m like you know what you know what star you’re not going to eat right but yeah what’s that mean uh with the uh with the uh Beauty in the beast when he was like didn’t star yeah then starve right so you’re like all right fine you
Don’t want to eat starve right you’ve been sitting there for an hour and a half your food’s cold it’s probably moldy whatever you ain’t G to eat anyways but Aya finished her food so she’s going to eat dessert now you guys are going to sit there and watch her eat
It oh yep you know what I mean it is even so it it it’s adult grandparents love spoiling the kids and I know what we’re talking rightfully so rightfully so and I know I’m going to do the same damn thing right we all are we
All are but us being the people that we are we’re going to take their you know our kids’s advice into consideration and so on and so forth so that was a battle for me for a little bit you know eventually it end up working out you know like I said nobody was
Ever a bad grandparent to the kids you know they just wanted to be the fun Grandma you know and everything else like that which is respected and understandable but after you respect my rules first yeah and that doesn’t it doesn’t make them a bad grandparent at all I think
From from a parents perspective from a father’s perspective it’s it’s not a matter of you spoiling the kids because like we said that’s bound to happen and yes that’s your grandbaby you’re supposed to but the issue is then it’s a deeper issue because or it’s a deeper challenge it
Becomes something that breaks their routine and then that will enact certain behaviors when it comes to a child when when they think oh when I go over here I can get away with this even though it’s not how I’m being raised by my parent the manipulation I can go over
Here and do this and so then it’ll it’ll it’ll create other behaviors and so that LS that uh that is what the challenge is about the challenge isn’t you know um spoiling their whether they spoil the grandbabies or not it’s breaking their cycle of what they’re being taught and raised and used
To and then when they go back to their parents um yeah that cycle is broken and we have to start all over again yeah because then they want to go to Grandma’s house all the time you know exactly you’re like I wonder why you’re not having fun over here
Huh yeah Diego what are your thoughts um I don’t I never had that problem okay to be honest with you um my my mom my kids don’t have that many grandparents uh from my side um from their mom’s side uh Grandma and Grandpa are not not the kind of grandparents that
Just give you everything um okay so let’s start let’s start with my mom my mom uh raised us pretty old school kind of like what um Angelo uh is right um we eat our food and then we get snacks afterwards right um so my mom is not a big fan of
Trash food she doesn’t like eating out she doesn’t like McDonald so she never buys that kind of stuff she would prefer to cook versus trying to eat outside um she just she respects as far as like some of the Traditions that we have so like I got pizza day on Fridays
And movie right so she she respects that because that’s something that we do with the boys so and it gives her a break because I mean my mom is living with me now so um so in that in that aspect I don’t I don’t have an issue um with my
Mom’s side she always Cooks the healthy food and my kids are used to that kind of thing um we buy soda once in a uh for Friday and um my kids kill it you know what I mean on Friday but that’s about about it as far as the spoil they go
When it comes down to like my mom’s side um their mom’s uh parents are a little bit more spoiling on the side but more uh in the material aspect not on the junk food as okay I don’t know because you know um maybe customs and and uh
Like our Hispanics are more kind of like we want to make sure we eat dinner homemade dinners vers versus like oh yeah junk big facts um so because first of all it’s worse for you than the drunk food yeah so it’s oh man the amount of high
Blood pressure and stuff as you putting that food oh that’s what make it so good all right go ahead yeah I had a fat moment so it’s not I’ve never had an issue with that kind of stuff um I actually appreciate uh the the grandparents from my uh from
Their mom’s side because they spoil them in a in in a way that sometimes I can’t spoil them so like buying things right so my kids uh my kids have their first cell phone is paid by their grandparents so they’re like hey buy their cell
Phones and we’ll take care of it um my son just started wrestling and Grandma and Grandpa were like Hey we’re going to buy their buy his wrestling shoes nice all right yeah that’s awesome so um so they’re not I I would say I would consider myself pretty lucky that uh they respect
Um my rules um and the fact that like you know there’s there’s things that um I don’t want my kids around uh but in the general aspect I think we’re because our culture is is the same you know they’re Mexican I’m from Ecuador our culture is the same there there’s not
That much of a of a hard transition I mean uh I think the most craziest thing that they’ve done is uh I man when it comes on to junk food no I don’t I don’t even have a nothing I me that’s awesome though that’s I yeah
So uh they the way that they like I said the way that they spoil them is with stuff that they actually need and I appreciate that so I would never oh yeah say Hey you know they’re over spoiling my kids um if there’s anything that that
The kids cannot do or or they want they always have communicated with me they they know both sides my mom and and her parents know they’re very strict with my kids just like Angelo um I want to know what my kids are doing I want to know
Where they’re at uh I don’t want them getting all crazy it out and if they feel that they is not there something that they’re going to do is going to bother me like the cell phones right for the longest time I didn’t want my kids with cell phones um so they called me
They like hey we want to take care of the cell phones and they I understood because of the fact that like they’re now uh have to get picked up because there’s no buses so they have to have some kind of means of communication so I was like you know the fact that calling
Me and not buying the cell phon without my approval was kind of cool so that’s awesome yeah absolutely it’s been it’s been pretty good and I I I feel blessed um that uh they did I have not had any issue with their get pump with sugar and
Now I have to deal with cavities and freaking upset stomachs you know yeah yeah exactly that’s a whole another bill yeah and even when I uh so I’mma go back to the to the kha story right um because I know they’re gonna be listening right
This wasn’t a shout at you pop or kha so here’s the thing and in her defense that was her first time meeting my kids uh well no not her first time meeting my kids but they refer time meeting Junior in person um and Katie so you know I get it
There right so but also um she made sure to get to a point where she like oh is this okay you know what I’m saying even when they when we left she oh is that okay I was like yeah go ahead so there is a perspective also that’s like kind
Of like Diego said like you know you do want to be able to have your kids go to you know your brother’s house your sister’s house your grandma’s whoever right um and get treated in maybe ways that you aren’t able to do all the time you know what I’m saying so there’s that
There’s that perspective and a lot of other perspectives right but I think the the key thing here is their communication with Diego you know what I’m saying the key thing is you know Angelo how you communicated with uh your ex’s parents and then with your parents and you know yall made sure everything
Got you know to one Accord at some point so um I think that’s the key thing is the communication here and how to go about communicating you know you got to put your foot down um in a respectful way of course to your elders but you got to put your foot down
Because at the end of the day these are your kids that you’re raising there might be their grandkids but you know you have to raise your kids however you know you think will uh benefit them the best you know what I’m saying so yeah that’s what it’s about and I think if we
Can figure out how to have those conversations rather sooner than later then we wouldn’t have to deal with the you know oh spoil babies routine because and when I say School babies I mean the kids you know picking up on it and then changing behaviors based off of it
That’s that’s where the challenge is I think a lot of it has to go with I think sometimes too when we see our kids getting spoiled by our parents you know there’s a little bit of jealousy there you know like we we never got that growing up you know you guys were more
Strict with me than I am with my kids and now you just want you were making me sit at the table for six hours while I didn’t eat my spinach yeah and now my parents are harking at me like why are you so hard on your kids and I look at them I’m
Like what do you mean you’re exactly someone’s got to you know oh my God what we gonna say Diego yeah know I is is uh I’m G to pigy back on on what you just said is uh um it’s it’s that difference I think the between how we were raised versus not
How they how they want to um raise our kids and I will tell you this I I’ll share this thing that uh I was talking to my mom and she sent me this video and um uh it is it’s kind of like a like a poem slash um background on on why
Grandparents spoil their grandkids and um and in in some aspect is because they never back then they didn’t have all this technology and all this uh books and all the stuff that helps you kind of like understand how to raise kids and I don’t think even until now you don’t
There’s not a book that can teach you how to be a parent right um so our parents did their best they could with what they what they knew at that time right and you know some of them just knew that we had to teach you good and
And the only way they would uh were able to do is by being super strict and span and stuff but so in a way by them spoiling is kind of they’re also learning and they want to have a second chance of just showing that they they
Have changed and then they can adapt but the thing that caught me the most was that uh grandparents want to be wanted and needed and of course the want of a kid um when they they smile and they say thanks grandma and they sit there in
Their lap and and they can they can just do that five minutes of of spoiling makes the grandparents feel so wanted and so because as our grandparents get older we have grown up and do our own things we start detaching from our parents right and we’re so focused on
Work work work this is why I almost don’t like the culture in America I love America and this is an awesome country and and giving me a lot of opportunities I’ve gotten here but we are such in a in a in a fast Movement we are always on
The go go go go go right did we forget about family nucleus in Ecuador everything gets in the ho like when it’s time for lunch everything closes down everybody goes home to eat lunch then comes back to work we open again and closes and I’m talking about everything closes supermarkets freaking corner
Stores in certain parts of Africa as well yeah so you go back home and spend time with family right because is a big thing here everything’s open 247 people are working all 24 so you you start detaching yourself from parents and grandparents start feeling I wanted un
Needed unloved and who are the ones that want to hear the stories who the want to hang out is the kids the little ones want to be the grandparent so is there way to show the love and show that and receive that back from their grandkids
So um my mom my mom does uh does uh see things differently when I when I try to represent my kids and she gives me advice and uh the way I take it now is uh I take it as an advice because it’s it’s uh it’s her way of kind of showing
Me like hey you know what I know I did things this way but now that that I have grown myself and see all this stuff have time to think yep I think you should not do it anymore you should you shouldn’t do what I did to your kids uh what I did
To you guys to your kids there’s different ways and uh so I take it in that way as an advice um I don’t see it as well I was raised that way so therefore I’m want to inflict pain on my kids because that’s what my parents did I take it as like
You know what um we learn from from our mistakes we learn from our parents and we can adjust and so you know uh for everybody out there you know when when uh when grandparents want to spoil like Angela says just a matter of communication like Jay say just a matter
Of communication uh you know let them know like hey you know please respect some stuff I want to be able to have my experience as racing kids or also do allow grandparents to spoil believe me like when my mom sits on my one my kids and they just have that moment it’s
Awesome to see I wish I could have camera just capture that stuff because my kids feel like like they can just chill with Grandma and just well those are just a bunch of little use man she’s she’s getting it all back again exactly yeah B and that’s my parents that’s why
My parents get to spoil my kids you know all of us moved out of the house so there there’s less mouse to feed there’s more money in their pockets and now they get to go and do all it all over again you know yeah y that’s that’s it’s a
Full circle and you know and we some parents are like man I can’t wait till my kids grow up and get out of the house and get that little bit of freedom but that’s you know those grand those grandkids come back you you’re gonna miss your kids like no other absolutely
Absolutely yeah so is yeah like think think about it this way um it’s about the communication like we said yep and it’s okay for them to to spoil them as long as it’s within um your parameters that you set for your children so just be communicative just communicate whatever
It is um that will be for the best benefit of your child and that’s how we going to run so hey can I say one more thing yeah go go ahead go ahead go ahead hey grandparents if you’re listening and you want to spoil the grandkids there’s
One thing that you cannot say to the grandkids is do not tell your dad that or mom that we doing this cuz that’s that’s going to fill their heads that they can start doing sneaky crap behind their parents’ back if you’re going to spoil them tell tell the mom and dad
Like hey I spoiled them I gave them can I gave them ice cream but do not tell these kids don’t tell your mom or dad oh that has some longterm effects We’re Not Gonna dive into it but I did want to say like piggyback off that they has some long-term negative
Effects on even when it become teen like oh I can lie manipulate my parents and it’s okay because I remember I used to have to lie them about the littlest thing is candy or you know grandma gave me $100 or something like that but lying and manipulating that teaches them
Something different so yeah thank you for saying that for sure um man y’all keep it 100 with each other yo whatever it is um whatever type of thing is going on hey just communicate communicate communicate because it’s up to you to be the best father you can be it’s up to
You to be the best parent you could be and put your kids in position to succeed in all areas of life so hey this has been another edition of the fatherhood exclusive we love y’all we appreciate y’all we’ll see you next week love you guys have a good day
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