Yo what’s cracking what’s cracking what’s cracking it’s your man 50 Grand J Berke here back with another episode of the fatherhood exclusives I’m here with Diego what’s up brother what’s going on brother Happy New Year’s Happy New Year to you Happy New Year to everybody listening merry Christmas happy K Quanza
And all that good stuff hope you had a beautiful holiday um man we we’ve been missing a couple weeks man um no we we’ve been busy y’all so sorry for you know our listeners we just been busy trying to get this uh schedule down pack
Um but we gonna get it right this year and we appreciate y’all for tapping in with us and continue to follow along on this journey um listening to how how we do as fathers um so yeah man how you been what you been up to not much um you
Know like you said busy trying to trying to get things uh set for this new year um I think this is going to be a new uh New Year full of uh new Endeavors and surprises so i’ just been kind of busy trying to catch up trying to enjoy some
Time with the family as well so it’s been good how about yourself how you been man it’s been a long journey man we’ve been trying to do everything and everything all at once it seems um for those of y’all who don’t know are not caught up yet um we moved across the
Country you know what I’m saying um to North Carolina and and uh we’re in Virginia right now visiting some family but um and then celebrating my uh my baby girl R’s birthday her eth birthday it’s New Year’s so um shout out to Rael shout out to my older brother Ray Ray
His his birthday is today as well um but yeah you know we we’re spending some time with the family and trying to get things in order and trying to set up for you know this new house and this new home and it’s new area that you know we
Never lived in we never been in Charlotte we never lived in Charlotte other than what’s come look at properties so um yeah it’s it’s a lot to go with it it’s a lot to go with it yeah I bet yeah the drive over here was was
Nuts um I was just telling Diego we we slid into a ditch um in South Dakota because the the whole Road was basically ice um so everybody on the road was sliding left and right we had to drive 10 miles per hour through the entire state after we slid into the GP so
What would have toen taken uh four hours took about 10 hours so um yeah it’s been rough but God bless us man God bless us and you know kept us safe and you know um yeah your home safe that’s important that’s what’s important you know what I’m saying so
Yeah uh we got a lot we got a lot playing for the for this year uh we got a lot that we want to do this year um when it comes to the family when it comes to to the kids when it comes to business all type of stuff man so I’m
I’m excited I’m I’m personally excited same here it’s nothing but opportunity you know what I’m saying and um you know I’m ready for it for sure yeah our uh Angelo and uh Dez couldn’t make it tonight um due to you know unforeseen circumstances Dez had
Another meeting he had to go to um and then Angelo you know he he’s feel a little under other the way right now so you know it’s just us today and we going to talk about something you know that’s uh I wouldn’t say perfect for this time necessarily but we’re GNA talk about
Something that’s uh that’s very very uh challenging during this this season you know when when you’re co-parenting when you when you have a child or somebody and you’re not together anymore and you’re in a co-parent situation um and it’s not your turn to have you know your child during
The holidays you know it can be very very challenging for you for the child um and just for all parties involved because you know even the other parent you know when they when they’re hearing the child you know um call out for the other parent you know but it’s their
Turn that can be hurtful as well and then you know same thing vice versa when it’s our turn and so um let’s talk about it man because you know I know you’re in a co-parenting situation as well um how does it affect you mentally emotionally um and all around when it’s
When it’s a holiday you know that you love to celebrate with your kids but you know it’s not your turn to uh to have them during the holiday uh well you know I think like like every every parent I think we all want to spend time with our kids during
Those those uh special moments whether it’s Christmas or New Year’s or you know their own birthday right right yeah when you when you take that make that decision to to become a co-parent um I think we have to take uh a lot of our personal feelings and put them aside and
Then try to think more uh towards what is going to be the best outcome for the kid um I will say that at the beginning when I first started my divorce um and we started paperwork it was it was a little bit more uh very selfish on our
Part between the mom and I and us what what days what holidays they get each get get to pick right and uh you don’t take in consideration what the kid is feeling because obviously they’re too little to decide what they want so you try to make make the best the best
Decision but obviously everybody’s hurt so we try to get selfish and say I want him for for his birthday uh I want them for Christmas and you know you get this you get that um and uh as years have gone by and um I’ve been uh I’ve been a little bit more flexible
When it comes to to spending uh where my kids will spend time for the holidays and I will say even though it bothers me um well I want to say bothered me but it’s it’s kind of a u sad moment sometimes um we have we have managed to
Make it very uh very easy and stressfree for our kids and and this is this this doesn’t have to be the recipe for everybody uh this is what works for me and and my kids’ mom uh is work for my my kids as well to make it to make it
Easy on them on the transition uh so let’s take for example Christmas right on our on uh by law the divorce decree has to say who gets those holidays like in in there right because that’s the way judges are able to keep everything you know separate and easy for parents right
But one thing that we decided um to do is is um is I will get the kids like Christmas Eve right for example and then uh kids my kids will open presents with me on Christmas Eve and then at night they will go to their mom and then do
Christmas um Christmas day uh they chances uh like this year uh it was where I was was able to keep the kids during Christmas Day we open uh uh presents during Christmas Day and mama was okay with bringing them afterwards um we have learned to kind of grow as
Parents and and kind of be more understanding of how things work with the kids that it’s kind of let us not really fall what follow what the paperwork says um more we follow more what is easier for our kids and what makes our kids happy what makes us both
Happy and it’s worked great I think the paperwork is just there just in case things work to go south and we’re like this is what the paperwork says right um I think I think that is where I would say um I would say it’s it’s a good
Thing to start is by kind of um pulling things aside and and try to see what what works best for kids sometimes when you’re recent um recently separated starting to co-parenting is best to just kind of try to be the bigger person and and just let the other person have the
The the thing so like what I did is I knew their their mom wanted it was special for her it meant more for her as a mom to have Christmas day um because they want to open parisons and you know it was more meaningful to her not that
It’s not meaningful to me but it meant more to her so I said you know what that’s fine um I will get a new year’s a New Year’s Day right so then we we split it that way and say okay you get Christmas day I’ll get New Year’s New
Year’s Day and then I’ll open presents uh the day before so if she had them that whole week and then Christmas Eve happened to land on the week that she had them she would let me get them that day they will open present with me and
They’ll go back with the mom right so even we wouldn’t we would be flexible enough to in uh if the day landed in the middle of the week where she has them she would let me keep it right so that’s how we kind of kept it in in the paper
Docu on the court document uh until you kind of start you know healing those wounds and and uh and then we started kind of stepping away from that and saying okay what works best for us and the kids so um that’s that’s how I do it
Um but that doesn’t take it away that you know we kind of feel lonely during those days and we want to spend it with our kids but you know yeah absolutely and kind of like what you said I feel like the paperwork is more of a legal formality just that to have something
Set in place however um the judges are not checking on y each and every day to make sure you know yeah oh You Gotta Buy by no because it’s about what makes the kids happy it’s about what’s best for the kids with best for their well-being
Exactly um and and if if parents can come to a point where you know uh they focus on that versus emotions and everything else in their like at some point you gota you got to get to a point where you’re like well we brought this child into the world we
Want this child to grow happy and healthy we got to put our own emotions and our own um sometimes our own needs aside to make sure that our our children are you know thriving in each and every aspect of life and that comes with you know their their emotions when it comes
To these things so it’s it’s hard to do when they’re younger you know because you can’t necessarily ask them uh I mean you can but you’re not going to get a straight answer ask them oh what where do you want to go you know do you want
To be with Mom and then then you got to look into or you’re putting them in a tough position to choose right so exactly yeah it’s it’s touchy however you know um like you said I think it’s it’s cool that you guys are flexible you know what I’m saying and make sure that
You know um the child the children get time with both of you guys because all in all the important thing is that both of you both of you get time with the children exactly and then both and then the kids know that you both love them and you both
Want to spend that time with them so you know I think as long as they know that you know it’s cool it’s interesting I just got a call um my youngest daughter zyla and uh my youngest son Adonis just facetimed me a little bit ago and they’re still in Washington state on the
West coast and you know they they call us and they see um you know their brothers and sisters playing around and we’re celebrating ‘s birthday and they’re just like oh can you come pick us up and I’m just like uh that’s not how this works now you know we we live
In a different yeah we can’t just you know take a freaking you know 10-minute drive to come pick you up anymore and they don’t understand that yet because they’re still you know younger so it’s tough to to see them sad and you know break down crying over something like
That but you know um it is what it is you know it’s sad to say but it is what it is and you know when we do you know see them and we do spend time with them we’re going to make sure you know that they they have the time of their life
But you know we have to make sure that their mom also you know um has that time with them and you know has that special you know uh holiday time with them as well because it’s about you know um making sure that the kids know that they
Have a place you know they have a place in your heart and um you know I think we’re doing a great job at it so far you know we do have our disagreements you know U me and their mom but you know I think um as the kids get older and as we
Grow more wiser and begin to understand how this is working you know um I think I think it’ll be fine we’ll figure it out you know so it’s tough you know because I do want all of my kids with me you know what I mean yeah but I do also want them
To make sure they have time with their their mothers and you know um they spend ample time you know with both parents because they need both parents so you know we got to get beside ourselves and like okay what I need or what I want isn’t important what the child needs and
What the child wants it’s more important because they’re the ones growing up you know with you know unfortunately they’re having to deal with something that had nothing to do with them you know they’re having to deal with you know parents splitting up because of parent you know because of relationship issues or
Whatever and they’re kind of I wouldn’t say getting a Shor into the stick but they’re having to deal with the separation that had nothing to do with them and it’s not their fault so we we kind of just got to pay attention to that you know as fathers and you know as
Parents in general because I feel like a lot of people get lost you know lost in the sauce as we say in know but you know we get lost all so you get lost in you know the emotions we get lost in you know oh I want this
And I want that well that ain’t about what you want anymore you know you moment yeah I think I think we’re a little bit uh we’re all are a little bit selfish in in that aspect when it comes out to spending time with our kids and
And and I think that’s fair I think it’s it’s it’s it’s it’s not a bad thing yeah because we love them you know yeah exactly I will say though um you know you got to be careful with with putting the the kids in in a situation where
They have to um constantly make those choices right um you know because kids are very smart so if you give the kid the too many options uh they’re going to learn how depending on the relationship you guys as as parents you have it they’re going to get very
Um uh how do you say very smart on how they can manipulate the situation right so if you uh and and it happened to us right if we happened to where like we’re allowed the kids to uh we said if the kid wants to go there in the middle of
The week we’ll say okay you can go ahead and go right and and we’re flexible like that but what was happening was um if my son did not like something going on at Mom’s house it was like can I want to go to my dad right and then we’re like okay
Since we had agree that then in the middle of a week you had to drop whatever you were doing to go get your child well what that created was created bad habits because they they did not understand that that is a week that Mom has to spend with you because she also
Wants you know spend time and then kids started using that as a tool to to get out of you know situations where they were not in agreeance with with that parent so um so I would say be cautious with that um you know use the that flexibility only when there’s special
Dates not all the time because kids are very smart and they will use the whole mommy and daddy thing even though they’re not doing it maliciously but they’re kids and and they’re going to go what’s easy uh the they’re G to take that easy route just to get out of you
Know chores or whatever is going on on all parents and I think if you stay consistent the whole time uh it eliminates that and eliminates any future altercation between you and the mom right because he comes over and you know now you got to stop what you’re
Doing is like you know I told you I have plans and da da da da so it just it’s just recipe for for a for a a future argument so uh I would say just be cautious of that use that time only for special occasions or uh but don’t put
The kid to make the decision especially when they’re little because like you said they don’t know they might minutes from now they might change their mind and want to be with their mom or they want to be their dad so make the decisions as adults see
What’s best for the child and then just stick to that for the entire day and then that’s it you know because you’re back and forth I don’t know I don’t want to tell people what to do but I’m tell you from experience good it’s not good yeah absolutely absolutely yeah man um
It’s definitely a you know a painful thing for for any parent you know not to be without their child you know for for the holidays for special occasions but you know uh as I continue to say it is what it is you know we we we live in you
Know um the decision we make you know have uh have uh I don’t want to say repercussions but they they have effects and one of those effects is figuring out how to co-parent and co-parent effectively um and then what’s best for the children so you know um I hope you
Guys out there you know I hope you’re getting time you know with your kids during the holidays and if if if it’s not your turn then you know hey hate to say it but suck it up Chuck you know uh we gota we got to figure this thing out
And we got to be mature adults about it and um you know it’s important that at least call FaceTime your kids well if you have an iPhone FaceTime or you know whatever you GNA do you know if you have an Android you know figure it out call
Your kids make sure you tell them you love them even if it’s not your turn give them a call talk to them you know let them know that you’re still there and and that’s what the important thing is you dig so hey this has been another edition of the fatherhood exclusive
Happy holidays to you guys Happy New years’s I hope your New Year is is bright and full of blessings and uh we going to continue to grind this thing out you know throughout the New Year tap in with us each and every week um we’re GNA be uploading you know um more
Content on our on our IG page the father thehead exclusive you know what I’m saying we got a private face group Facebook group going so you know um a lot of things in store so hey signing off right now we love y’all we appreciate y’all we’ll see y’all next week
source
