What’s cracking what’s cracking what’s cracking it’s your man 50 Grand it’s your boy J Berg here the host with the most the most kids that is I’m here with another edition of the fatherhood excusive uh exclusive excuse me I said excusive sorry y’all I’m suffering from
Lack of sleep however comma I got my guys on the uh on the line here I got p alicious on the line what up Angelo what’s up man what’s up how you guys doing you know it’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood I got Diego in the building what’s up brother what’s going
On J yeah Another Day in Paradise you know what I’m saying Paradise you know it you know it Desmond what is good brother what’s good what’s good any good day you know what I mean absolutely absolutely Dez I’m GNA let you introduce the legend and our special
Guest here so go ahead and uh roll with that check it out on this special edition today we got my OG Michael 5000 Watts one of the prolific sounds of Houston came from this man he have produced a lot of superstars everybody from Slim Thug to P wild to Mike Jones
He was the man of the era from 2000 well I know him as the man of the other the era from 1994 all the way up until now um the guy is just um not only a phenomenal DJ producer he’s also a great friend and he’s also a great man and
He’s much just much of a good father all of that um so I felt like it was a good thing to bring him on so we can hear some of his his prospectives of the things that we’re talking about today uh was some something that he was he’s been
Talking to me about and I totally felt him 100% so I felt like it was just um God putting this together to bring him on so that uh we all can talk about this situation because um it’s so crazy that this topic is is so common that we
Haven’t hit on it yet absolutely so I’m so excited to not only talk about it today but to also have DJ Michael Watts on with us to discuss such an important and common topic absolutely absolutely hell yeah what’s going on Mike how you doing man I’m doing good man you know we
Experienced a little cold weather out here man but you know you know it’s nothing you know man that’s something that well I mean Texas has its ups and downs you know you you either get the extreme heat or you get the extreme cold especially middle of night only we don’t
Get cold out here houon we rarely get cold weather out here in Houston so this is like something that happens like kind of rare here you know yeah I guess I’m so used well you’re the only civilian on here well you know but I’m so used to
You know every time I’m in Texas we’re in the middle of the desert somewhere freezing cold in the middle of the night so it’s a little different from Houston for sure but uh yeah man it’s it’s been storming all over the place like we were
Up I was just telling the guys we were up in uh Virginia visiting my oldest kids and uh started snowing little blizzard and then Maryland uh with my sister and my grandfather started you know blizzard I’m like it’s coming from every angle then I hear uh they got snow
In Washington right too we got a little bit yeah yeah we got some stuff oh just a little bit Yeah okay zyla called me was like Daddy it’s snowing it’s a lot of snow I was like uh you’re a lot of snow is not a lot of snow you see in the
Sky like it’s just because you want to play in it um but anyway so today you know um we’re gonna discuss something like d said it’s very common and we’ve touched on it here and there in between other topics but uh however Ka we haven’t really honed in on
This topic and and that is the topic of you know being in a situation where you’re you have kids within your home and you’re parenting them a certain way but you also have kids that don’t primarily live with you so they’re outside of the home and then your
Parents in them as well and that comes with uh man a bunch of complex challenges and you know a bunch of uh you know different different things you got to deal with you know and as you grow as a father and even the kids got to deal
With you know in their own perspective but you know um we’re going to touch on that today because a lot of fathers are going through this and you know it’s it’s one of those things where you don’t know until you know like you you you go through every day like
Figuring it out and then you grow and develop and then you figure out more how to make it more better for the kids how to make it better for you how to adapt to certain issues that arise or challenges I should say that arise um
You know in and out of the house so you know this is something that’s that’s that’s very uh important you know what I’m saying because for one we have we as fathers have to figure out a way to um like we talked about before teachable moments you know in and
Outside the house so when it comes to kids that are outside the house we got to give them the same information as the kids are getting within the house and that’s a challenge in itself but let’s let’s take it over to Mike Mike what is your EXP erience with with
Having to Father kids within your home and then also having a father kids without like outside of your home well I’m G start from the beginning um my oldest kids right I have three adults and I have two kids in the home with me first of all right and my uh my adult
Kids um my first set my first kids are set of twins and I had them out of uh R me and their mom you know we used messed around and stuff she end up getting pregnant and we had kids right so we had a set of twins
Right my next kid after that uh I was actually married to her mom and uh you know we had one kid we stayed together for a year and uh you know we kind of split ways all right so the difference between the first set of kids and uh and
My two youngest at the home right is the fact that at that point I started uh doing the record label stuff and the switch out stuff and our career was really popped off so I was more focused on building the business instead of trying to be married and being there
With the kids and the family and stuff like that so my whole thing was uh taking advantage of the opportunity that I had right there and staying focused on that and not letting anything else uh deviate me from the plan that I had going here because it was popping off
Then right yeah so with my oldest kids I was n there with them like I was with the youngest with the youngest kids right you know when you’re going out there and you when you get money and things are being successful for you right you don’t really realize the
Damage that you do to the kids by not actually just being there right so I’m I’m I’m not I don’t consider myself being a father I felt like I was playing more of a role of a baby daddy okay I’m sending I’m sending money and I’m not
Really there with them right so that that whole bond that you get from the kids well my experience I’m G to say that my my experience is this right considering the fact that uh they weren’t really raised in the household with me yeah is that you don’t have the I didn’t have that
Same kind of bond and you don’t feel it until they become adults or or older right yeah absolutely so when you get older especially like my twins right so my twins were barely around right so the whole while I probably would get them by anually right when they were young right
And they really didn’t start uh coming to see Dad until they were uh maybe like uh eight eight so they started come around dad kind of like B anually by eight so okay being around your kids by anually that’s not creating a real Bond right no absolutely not a bond is
Something that you you can’t buy at all you know so absolutely and when you really realize the disconnect is when they get when they get older right and you can’t really communicate with them because they don’t have a bond with you they don’t know how to react to you you
Know so when I’m trying to talk to them we trying to have a conversation we it’s almost like we don’t know each other we don’t know how to relate to each other because we’re not around each other how painful is that for you as a father like
You know what I’m saying like you can’t you can’t reach out and touch them like you know what I’m saying mentally like you can’t reach them in a way that they uh receive you how how painful is that uh it’s really it’s really tough
Man I I I kind of um live my life um it it really it really bothered me man because you know they they felt that whole thing of me not being there right and when you when you looking for love it’s something that you can’t buy you
Realize that that money ain’t [ __ ] you know what I mean yeah because nobody give nobody gives a damn about the gifts or anything right about that only thing they remember is the time that you spent with them right so when you’re trying to trying to create a bond that was never
Created it it it kind of uh it hurts because I realized that this was my fault you know what I mean you know because it’s not like I could have made the effort to do better around but I did and I take responsibility for that so
Any disconnect that I had with them I understand that I’m the one that created it you know yeah and we got we we got to the level where we’re we’re cool but the connection is not there like you like somebody that would be there in the household yeah so my next kid besides
The twins right it was kind of like a more more of a I’m GNA say a 6040 bun right a mom had a 60 I probably had a 40 I’m no I’m going give I’m going give myself a 35 right okay but but we was
There enough I I took her with me a lot of places and stuff we actually do have a connection but it’s not as strong as it would be in the house but we have we had a connections like always kept and always you know actually took many
Places and stuff like that so we definitely do have a b and we communicate and we do have that real genuine love there and so it’s still stronger than with the twins you know what I’m saying yes yes it is stronger than there is with man okay so in what ways do you
Manage that like now um you know considering the fact that they’re an adult and I grown myself the fact that I can’t re I can’t undo the past but you know I do the best I can with anything that they need at this point you know even if it’s advice or or
Anything I can help them with you know yeah absolutely I don’t live with the whole thing of regret you know because the fact that I cannot do the p and I cannot pay for the past in the future you know what I mean I can’t a lot of people a lot of fathers
Struggle with that because you know I mean even I struggle with it sometimes like I think about you know what I’ve done in my past to create a living situation that wasn’t maybe suitable for the kids or a living situation where I’m not able to see them as often or
Whatever the case may be now I’m like dang like you know I wish I can go back but at the same time I just gota I got to keep moving I gotta keep moving I gota keep developing and I feel like you know a lot of fathers deal with that
Guilt so I’mma take this moment to to to talk to you guys that are listening and watching if you need help struggling and challenge with those feelings of guilt please please please I encourage you to go to therapy counseling whatever because men need it and we don’t say that enough and we
Don’t preach it enough and don’t like cuz we we want to be all tough and you know we don’t need nobody help we just compartmentalize throw it in the Box our head and push it away if you need help you know what I’m saying go seek help
Because it’s these little things that we deal with and we just put in the back of our head that that compound over time so struggling with guilt struggling with um you know uh emotional issues or disconnect with your emotions or whatever please please please I encourage you to go seek
Help with I just wanted to take that moment to say that because I’ve been the therapy I’ve been the counselor for stuff just as this you know what I’m saying so it’s important to do that and then we start to get epiphanies and you know start to learn stuff about oursel
That you know um helps us develop as fathers yeah you build a you build a stronger spiritual connection when you go to therapy yeah your eyes get opened up to things that you can see from other perspectives that you’ve never been to before and it’s not about I don’t think
It’s not about like we want to be tough I think mainstream wants us to be tough and and all that other stuff us men we want some you know most men want to be coddled you know we want to tell our feelings but we are we are pressured to
Not go down that route so when people say oh therapy I’m a man I don’t need that [ __ ] or whatever like that no go get seen yeah but also but what I was kind of going or touching on was sometimes we put that pressure on ourselves yes yes yeah you know what I’m
Saying but you know it it also comes from that so so exactly I agree with you 100% Dez what’s your experience with this um so yeah I have two set of kids so I have a kid from my previous wife which I was like uh 21 when I got
Married the first time and then I have a child now from my um current wife which she was young but I was older so she wanted a kid of course um so the difference man it’s so many ways that things could be better but individuals make it much harder than it
Should be and the reason I say that is because me too I had to go off to the Army and I had to go and make a living um which didn’t allow me to be around my kids all the time number one I’m divorced number two I’m in the
Military but every time I have a chance I fly to see see them I always stay on the phone in contact with them but that in itself probably would have been enough if the other parent wasn’t being um you know hateful spiteful and spite hateful yeah and and and ripping the
Other person’s Persona away just just making you be the the most horrible person you know I mean so you got to think about if a child is hearing this from about six or seven and even though you’re you’re I’m like watch I’m 35% maybe 40% in their
Life because you know I’m deployed I’m over here training I’m over here training you know but you know it doesn’t matter about the little time I spent because this little time I spent trying to show you who I am I got this other person that don’t like me for
Whatever reasons we had and now she’s putting the cancer inside the child yeah okay and we go to get grown and even though you’re showing the kids that you are who you say you are and even proving what the mother said wrong because it’s been so long and
They’ve been hearing the same thing for so long they already it’s in this is who you are so now it’s making it harder to become close even when they’re 18 and they can make their own decisions yeah because it’s what they what they know quote unquote what they know
Part and so and because you don’t have that relationship with them anyway it’s easy for you to say all right then will forget it then especially when they only call you when they need you that hurts yeah that hurt oh that hurts boy that hurts bad because you’re trying to build something
But you know it just keeps getting ripped away but like Watts was saying but the one that I live with we got a bond since he was a little one we got a we got this bond that just cannot be broken because yes I see him every day
Yes I take care of him yes I make sure we communicate with each other I I I try to get him what he need I try to show him and I’m always here so you know being a parent inside the home being a parent outside the home it’s uh it’s to
Toally different and and and it is what it is it’s it’s always going to be stronger when you inside the home with the child and now that I’m older again like watch now that I’m older um I’m more settled um I like to be at home I
Got more patience I want to be kids it’s it’s different back then I was coming out for deployments I was want to party I wanted to do this I want to turn up I was in my early 30s late 20s whatever I didn’t have time I want to be out in the
Streets Blas Blas Blas Blas so now I’m looking back I’m like dang if I would have took a little bit more time and not really been in the streets so much and really spent more time with them I could have spent more time with them and they
Probably would have seen but I really was against the Q ball uh when the ex was talking so negative about my character so I think that is the reason why me and my two older Childs don’t really have a good relationship is because of that fact and
And and then when you living in the house with the person that you have the child with you and that person are probably nine times out of 10 on the same page link when it comes to raising this child and what you want to present
To this child how you want to punish or discipline on down to the school that this person go to and what to buy or her for Christmas for birthdays religion everything you you’re you’re communicating and you’re executing a plan so it’s going to come out way
Better than I’m over here trying to go one way way and my ex is trying to go another way and say this and say that now I’mma say this and I’m I’mma cut it but it always come back so listening out there and you’re a mother and you’re
Talking bad about the baby daddy or you a even father and you talking bad about the mom you nothing but making it worse for that child and that other person’s relationship yeah so do not do that do not do that you know if anything just don’t say nothing at all if you ain’t
Got nothing positive to say because it really does mess up relationships and when I say mess up relationships not just with me and my kids but now my family don’t know my kids because we don’t have relationships and now they don’t know the rest of their family so
That’s M Generations yeah absolutely so um you know that’s the difference those are things I I went through and um you know if I could do it all again if I could go back and change it um I I I I think I would have been more patient with their mom and probably
Communicated better I think I could have I had a part of that too but but but and no you know no no I never really talk bad about her in front of them at all I was never like so so here’s here’s one of the biggest challenges because you know as
You guys hear this and as you guys watch watch this online you’re probably thinking a bunch of thoughts here here’s one of the biggest challenges with that not only are you know is it already challenging with raising kids um and that I don’t mean that in a negative way
A challenge can be a good thing you know what I’m saying but and it helps you grow but I’m leaving again sorry give me one second um what’s happening is when children are outside of the house they’re not getting the same values especially as often as they’re
Being taught when they’re inside of that you know what I’m saying so there’s a disconnect between what can I learn from my father how often can I learn it you know what I’m saying and then the same thing with the other parent so what you
May be able to give you know your son or daughter inside of the house you’re not having as big as of an influence on the on the children that are outside of the house I have um I have a co-parenting relationship with all of my kids except
For Jun all my kids moms except for junior and the challenge is Junior sees me every day he gets the same rules every single day me and his mom we we communicate like Dad said it’s it’s easier for us to establish um and guide who he is and who
He’s going to be versus the other moms because you know they do their own thing in their own household for now anyways until you know we can somehow get on the same page and make a decision on how we’re going to raise our child within the house or outside of the
House that has long lasting effects on a child because for one especially if they’re younger they absorb the most information between the ages of three and I think seven or three and eight something like that so if the if one parent is absent or not there as often
Or whatever the case may be they become conditioned to this and so when you start becoming more involved or if the other parent starts becoming more involved they are already conditioned to having a wall up and so it’s like Dad said and like Mike said it’s harder to build that relationship from that
Because now you’re trying to play catchup and now they’re not as they’re not as absorbent to the information that you have to provide for you okay so again it streams into other issues later on down the line however comma there can be a way to um I don’t want to say backtrack but
There there can be a way to fix this issue or attack the issue in a positive way and then that’s where we’re going to go to Diego because Diego has gotten to a point where he’s able to communicate very clearly you know with his ex-wife and you know they they’re on the same
Page I’m gonna let Diego kind of go into it a little bit deeper but this I feel like what he’s about to say is what we need to aim for as fathers go ahead dieo I got a question I got one question real quick so let me let me go let me just
Ask watt something so watt your first relationship was it the fact that you was never there or was it the fact that you was never there plus your ex didn’t really Build You Up uh you know what’s so crazy man me and my ex we really never had a first of all my
Twins M she was never an ex it was just we was just friends just [ __ ] around basically so never a relationship at all you know what I mean so it wasn’t like wasn’t like that you know what I mean it just it was actually honestly it was a
Really to my eyes it was really a situation where neither one of us was there you know what I mean I feel like both of us you know we definitely handle this situation very immaturely you know what I mean I take full resp I take full responsibility for my immaturity you
Know wow wow know but I don’t want I don’t want to you know this we we can come back to that man you know I just wanted to ask that real quick because I had that’s that’s important that’s important for people to hear and it’s also important for people to continue to
Hear that you’re taking responsibility for that you know what I’m saying because a lot of people aren’t and a lot of fathers aren’t yeah go ahead yeah I’m say I’m not going to point the finger anybody man because at the end of the day my part is my part
You know what I mean nobody Inc me to do my part I did my part and that was my own decision to not to be a part of a father the father I should have been that was my part and my decision you know what I mean to do that so there’s
No ex there’s no excuse for that you know because I know that at the end of the day if I would have been the father that I’m supposed to be that God made me to be that my children’s life would be a whole lot different and they would make
Better decisions you know what I mean and that’s how we uh affect our kids you know absolutely Diego let’s let’s hear it man let’s let’s hear how because you you said this a couple of times and I’m just like man I can’t wait to get to that point and I feel
Like I know people have heard this but y’all need to hear it again because it’s it’s so pivotal for the kids because we need to be thinking about what’s best for the kids that’s all that matters as a parent what’s best for the kids what’s in their best interest go ahead Diego
Yeah hey so um so yeah so um I’ve been divorced for about 12 years now and um all my kids are with the same mom um I don’t have new kids in my house so uh in the aspect of of raising kids in the home and outside the home I don’t have
Experience but one thing that I that I I I do been a I’ve been lucky to been able to do is is uh be able to have a good relationship with with my ex-wife um but I will say it wasn’t it wasn’t as easy as it sounds um it took a lot
Of it took a lot of work it took a lot of uh being the bigger person and just swallowing a lot of pain and and and and pride because you know when you when you get divorced and uh there’s a lot of a lot of feelings that going on and you
Know people feel a certain way about about the other person and right away the easy the easy target to go at is what’s going to hurt the other person the most and that is the kids right so uh at the beginning it was a very uh the conversation was about who’s going to
Get custody of who right so like all right you want to test me then you want to go for custody watch me I’m GNA I’m G to make sure that I take custody right and and it started in that in in those in those towards of steps um until I had
This this moment to where I was like you know what I was raised on a in a in a split home I didn’t get to spend time with my father and where I can kind of um understand some of the some of the stuff that Mike said right because my
Father knew that uh I met my father when I was eight years old uh was around for a little bit very very abusive uh and decided to go somewhere else and have kids somewhere else right um shows up when I’m 30 years old and he wants to be
My friend and and it comes into it and as a victim instead of saying hey you know what I failed you as a as a dad let’s build a relationship was more like I’m gonna point the finger and and talk bad about my mom who stuck around the
Whole time so me and my dad do not talk at all right um so I when I thought of that I was like I don’t want that with my kids right um when I got married I I really wanted to have kids I felt like I was ready uh I
Had him at a very young age but I feel like I was ready and I was like you know what I’m put all this Pride to the side and I’m going to swallow that pill and I’m going to say let’s talk and let’s try to build something where the kids
Are going to be good for them right um it took a lot of work uh we when the way we started with the mom was if we have any disagreement uh we will do everything by text we’ll never yell at each other in front of the kids so that
Way that they don’t see that there’s uh disagreements between us because here in Washington they make you go to this class where like uh in it’s a parenting class before you get divorced when you have children and I saw so much hate from one parent to the other one about
You know you know she’s this and he’s that and then they showed you this video where like these kids are like feeling all the blame they feel like they’re they’re the reason why they getting reason y absolutely I do not want to do that so out of the whole group it was me
And my ex that went together and they tell you like hey can you say something good about your ex and we were we’re actually giv each other props by that then we already kind of had had a good somewhat a good relationship um the people were like why are you guys
Getting divorc and I’m like it’s not that that we’re trying to that we are great together it’s just that we’re trying our best to find the positives and the good things that the other person has we might not be good as a couple you know I mean until now there’s
A lot of stuff that I disagree from her um but I keep it to myself I don’t I don’t I was I was St that you know you have to respect your parents um and so I’ve never trash talked to Mom even though some of the stuff that I believe
She does is not good whatever that’s my that’s my discussion between me and her and she decided to do the same thing like never put a bad image on Me based on whatever I cost because I had my peace on my divorce too right nobody’s nobody’s innocent here right um so it
Worked great because we were able to come up with a set of rules that would communicate between both homes and my kids did not feel that stressed um so for example um you know we set up uh a rule where like bedtime for them is nine
O’clock both homes are the same way so that way in both houses yeah so there was no change in their schedule so like they wake up in the morning they went to the same school there was no change in schools right because we did every other
Week so um we decided to live close enough right when my ex moved out she was like all right we’re going to decide to raise the kids in this school district so I’m going to move within a f mile radio so that way they can qualify
For that school so we decided to stay within that range um so that way because we’ve felt that that was the best school district for them and then uh so we kept that same schedule uh so that way kids don’t play the mom and dad game too
Right kids are very smart you know what they manipulate my mom and my dad don’t don’t like each other so what my dad says no I’m gonna say to Mom because mom is gonna say yes because she’s against that right kind abolish that right um
And and it worked and it worked great um so how long did it take you guys not to cut you off but how long did it take you guys to get to a point where you can communicate and effectively from the divorce to where
You guys are at now like how long did it take you to be able to communicate effectively to where both on the same page is you know hey let’s just focus on what’s best for the kids how long did that take I would say it took us about
Three years uh three years I think uh is what I I would say was the the The Happy The Happy medium um because uh during those first three years if I would tell her like hey the kids shouldn’t be doing this stuff she took it very defensive
She like oh you’re not going to tell me how to raise right and the same thing with me she’ll tell me something like hey this my house right and everything’s through text right nothing in front of them but we took very defensive um now I
Can freely say hey like right now my son is trying to uh he’s into games he wants to buy a computer right um he wants to buy a computer into games but we’re I want him to focus on school right so he’s been saving his money he’s got
Almost got the money and I text her I like hey just because my son got the money I don’t want him getting a computer yet I want to make sure that his school grades are good finish he finished strong now he’s a straight A student but I want him to finish strong
Until next year when he’s a junior and then we’ll we’ll address it maybe he can buy it next year and she was like I agree with you I’m good with it if if I would have said that the same thing three my first inside my first three
Years she would have told me no you’re not he’s got the money he can do whatever right uh because I think uh we were still hurt from from what happened yeah and and that’s that’s part of the thing that’s so challenging when you’re different when you’re dealing with different people and different different
Different ways of thinking different relationships and then the different relationships you have with each of your kids it becomes challenging to where you’re trying to figure it out all at the same time but it it’s frustrating and so that frustration comes into the conversations and it’s so hard I feel
Like not I mean for me absolutely but I feel like for for every parent that’s in a co-parenting situation it’s so hard to develop that that community that effective communication I should say not only with the other parent but with the kids as well you know what I’m saying
Yeah and I think you hit the the the now in the head right it’s it’s understanding what the older perspect what the old person sees or hears right um because I might say one thing and she understands something else right so you gotta you gotta understand we’re two
Different people and we have to be able to respect how they race and and understand that they’re trying their best to do their uh to raise their kids and I’m trying my best now if if either parent is is being uh unsafe or whatever for the kids and not that’s a different
Story right but if you both are trying to give the the child the best you have to be able to put yourself in those shoes and say okay maybe what she means is this or maybe what he means is this right um so that that’s that is and
That’s where that’s where you talked about like putting your pride aside that’s where that comes you have to be a proud aside but a I wanted to touch something uh the Mike said right and and is regards the bonding right um I think we’re all in the same in the same uh
Situation right now where we’re trying to grow um and bring our families into a better financial situation and also grow career-wise right I think we’re all some in some U doing our our our trying to reach our goals right and and in the and in the process you lose that that
Connection with your kids and I I am currently experiencing some of that stuff um because I had been so focused with trying to run my business and now with the podcast and and all these plans that I have for this year that and you still in the military sometime in the
Military I’m still active duty right so I’m still dealing with the military um that sometimes I feel like I neglect my kids and that the the the the comment that Mike said when the money doesn’t matter when you start feeling that that disconnect is happening um there’s signs
Like I will I have to be careful because I want to be I want to buy them things to be able to get that affection back and it to them it doesn’t matter it does it’s not not important and and you so I have to be very careful to be able to
Spend the time that I need um with them so that way I can connect that b because you know yesterday I had a thing where like I called my kids down and and you know I interrupted what they were doing um and one of them feel like being
Bothered and and it hurt me so much because I was like man like they’re getting used to like being being on their own because they’re growing up they’re teenagers now right so Dad is like hey come on over let’s let’s play uh some some games and they like Dad good
So it bother I got little stuff to do yeah exactly like it bothered me in my I had to understand what where he was coming from as well so um it is it is very critical that even though you might have the chance to have your kid at home
You still make the time to build that Bond because that Bond can be easily broken too even if you’re at home and you’re not pay uh you’re not putting the time and the work into it so um I I’m glad that he touched on that because I
Was like that hit home really really quick um just yesterday I had that thing with my son so like holy moly Mike what are some ways that you think we can come back that like what are some ways you you think we could recover from that when when the kids are becoming distant
Um even as adults like when if they’re distant what are some ways you think we can help to reel them back in you know what I’m saying especially if we’re busy we’re dealing with businesses or whatever what what what do you think I I just honestly think from everybody right
Now if you’re in a position right now where you’re at the beginning of doing outside parenting right now I just think that the bond starts now don’t get into a situation where your kids get older and you get totally completely disconnected a lot of times that we get
Disconnected with our kids is because we put our own personal feelings with their parent instead of the business of raising the child say that again so we need to really realize that our most important business is to raise our children that is our job fathers you know what I mean regardless regardless
If us and the mother are not together we don’t see eye to eye we got to realize we got to put our personal differences to side around here and and kind of ignore the situation or the negativity of the situation around here and and realize that we have a child raise even
For us women no matter how mad we are at the y’all are at the parent right you got to realize regardless of the fact that you guys have a child raise you know what I mean and it’s not about us you know what I mean it’s not about us
Not about what we did to each other anything R the most important thing is we here and our job is to make sure that our we do our best to raise our child to be the most productive adult that we can create you know what I mean we we can’t
Get this job done being negative towards each other we gotta just completely take ourself outop we got to take ourself emotionally out of the picture how we feel towards each other right and we got to really focus on what is best for our children you know what I mean like there
You go I I think that that is a beautiful situation the fact that you are in one of those situations where you and you know your your uh ex can actually work things out where you guys can you know uh raise your children and compromise and do things like that a lot
Of us aren’t blessed to be in that situation but I think that it is something that needs to be uh uh talked about right so I’m in a I’m in a situation where my kids were raised in multiple homes and we got to realize this us as
Fathers and if you have kids in multiple homes right every one of the mothers their kid is the number one priority they give no [ __ ] about your other kids yeah every every every one of the mother’s kids their their kid is number one and we got to realize this is how
They this is in their mind we have to when we have multiple kids outside the home we have to control the balance for us right we have multiple kids but it’s one of us yep and and the thing is you have to realize how can you how can you get your
Time and um make the most out of your time for everyone yeah so what I used to do is and this is by my wife right with right now I I’m fortunate to have been married to somebody that was a team player for us here in the household and
Outside the household so we would get the kids together right we’ll have a weekend we get all the kids together and we’ll just take out all of them we’re not trying to pick and get one individual one weekend no everybody comes that’s awesome the same weekend
You know what I mean and and I honestly know if I didn’t have a wife that was team player enough to do that with me I don’t know where I’ll be I’ll probably losing my mind you know what I mean yeah yeah and and you said the the key
Word you said the absolute keyword team it’s about being a team whether whether it’s freaking boyfriend girlfriend whether it’s marriage whether you know whatever the family is a team all right even if it’s like you know different pieces from all different because we got nine kids you know what
I’m saying and you know obviously they’re not all from the same mother so you know but Kaye does a phenomenal job is making you know making sure that everybody’s L the same I do it for job making sure everybody’s love the same we we both give everybody the same energy
Because they’re all our kids you know we all we play we play a role into making sure that they’re all loved all raised all taken care of all of that right so you said the key word team it’s about joint effort to make sure that the kids
Are being raised the way they need to be raised I think we lose we lose that in the commotion of emotions we lose that in the commotion of bitterness we lose that in the emotion of uh anger all this other stuff because we’re so consumed
With well this person did this to me or I don’t like this person because they said this about me or whatever and we we draw our attention away from the fact that there’s a living being that we created and it’s our responsibility to make sure that living being grows it’s
It’s like we said I think in the uh second or third episode it’s like when you plant something when you plant a tree or whatever you got to go back water that joke make sure you get enough sunlight it’s the same thing I mean metaphorically it’s the same thing when
You raising a child exactly you know what I’m saying you can’t just you know conceive this child and then ignore the need of the child emotionally physically psychologically all this other stuff like we all have to pour our energy into growing the best quot unquote tree AKA
Child as we can’t and it’s a joint effort I think it’s also I think it’s also I think it’s also important that the child see um the two families getting together too because I think that’s where that’s where a lot of it start um like me as I was growing up I
Have like a bunch of half sister brothers that I’m not really close with but my wife on the other hand she was raised in a house where she had her Step Brothers in the house so she look at them like brothers like you know they go
Back to Texas come come back to the islands some stayed there with her but she don’t see them as her Step Brothers she see them as her real brothers so when my kids came into the picture she always gravitates to getting them and getting my my son that’s from her and
And we all get together you know and she treat them just like you know they’re really hers and at first it blew my mind because you gotta think I’m not from that that that that era you know what I’m saying when I’m from half is half
And you do you over I’m over here and I don’t even know you like that type you know what I mean but when she came in I was like oh I and I even I was even talking I was like so them like your have brothers like you so close to them
Like they your have brothers not really yours and she was like well no so she had to show you know she had to just tell me about it and because I I was not used to that I was definitely not used to seeing that and then she did that
With my kids on the outside and then with with my kid with her and they now it’s like one big family and I appreciate that but but I strongly feel it start from her seeing that as a as a child and then she she said that’s all
That’s how our family is so that’s how she so it’s important for the kids to see that too so that they can grow up and be that same person that you are yeah we we got that rule in our we don’t say step that’s that’s the rule in our
House we don’t use because you’re you might not be directly related but you’re still related you know what I’m saying yeah yeah that’s that’s good hey I think I think Mike said something very important when when it comes to that situation right he said it is you who
Need to be responsible to make sure that that balance is set right so when you g with a with a person uh and you’re coming into the relationship with new kids outside of this new home it is up to you to say hey you understand that
Like I have my kids and I I’m going to understand that you’re the kids between you and I are going to be important but you need to support me and make sure that my also my other kids have either want what what they do bring all the
Kids together but also allow him self to go and be able to make that connection with his other kids right I grew up with Step Brothers and where my stepdad put a lot of attention on us right and not his own kids when this this when these kids
Grew up one woman ended up in jail and the other one luckily ended up going to college but you don’t you don’t understand the resentment they have towards us because they felt that we were favoriti because he was trying to do good by my mom so then he put kids
Outside and say okay I’m G to focus on yours reverse parents they do the opposite right they say I’m G to focus on me and I’m not gonna want your kids right so the mental um the mental damage that you do emotional damage you do to
Your kids are are in insane those kids do not talk the with their with their with their dad um and one time they send me an email on on Facebook you know with all this hatred stuff because they felt that like we took his dad and I was like
You know what I mean so it is up to you as a parent to be able to balance that and say okay I do have a kids with this family I’m also need to incorporate my other ones and make sure bring them in so they don’t feel left out like with my
Dad he’s got kids with other one with another family I’m 40 years old and and his kids are all grown and they try to make contact with me I want no ISS no business with them because I feel the same way they took my dad I didn’t get
To experience that stuff I don’t want no business it’s not their fault it’s just that that’s how you grow up you grow up with that with that with that damage mentally right so you know good on good on Mike and and his wife did they do
That they be able to bring the kids together how way they could absolutely you know build that Bond against siblings and not see each other like well you half brother you know you go over there you’re not welcome here type of thing you know what I mean so no
That’s super cool that’s very important and that’s why we try to touch on things like that because we have to understand the longl lasting effects on every decision that we make with our kids yeah the simplest thing can have longl lasting effects you you hear us say it
In every episode we we talk about how can this affect them 10 years from now how how can this affect them 20 years from now because if we’re if we’re doing this you know then it creates social issues it creates issues of them not being able to build relationships the
Right way because they have this resentment in their heart already from relationship is a relationship whether it be you know uh a relationship with a spouse relationship with a family member whatever it’s still a relationship so when you have those complications especially at a early age you put a wall
Up against relationships and now you have uh problems building relationships the I I don’t want to say proper way but the most effective way because already in your head your head is poison you know as a child if you’re having trouble developing relationships with your parents with your siblings it it’s
It’s all shot and then you got to you know grow up and regroup pretty much you know what I’m saying so we have to think about those long lasting effects of our decisions you know what I’m saying that what that we make with our children that
We make with our spouses our exes all this other stuff you know what I’m saying because again like Mike said our primary job once the children is conceived is to raise the child yep that’s our primary job all this other stuff even our freaking careers that’s to support our
Primary job which is raising the kids you know what I’m saying we have to keep that in mind like I get caught up in work sometimes too and I’m on a computer and I’m blah blah blah but I have to you know zone out and be like okay look this
Job is to support my main job which is being the father you know what I’m saying what are your thoughts Mike uh I think you’re 100 % correct you know because a lot of times man that uh we like I say man our biggest mistake is putting our feelings towards each other
And and we’ll weaponize our children you know what I mean we both need to stop doing it men and women we both we both need to stop we need to sit down and act like some adults and and and and perform as some adults you know Diego was
Talking about stepchildren right and and I got a friend and well actually I had a couple of friends right and they referred to their stepchildren as oh that’s just my stepchild or whatever around there and if I’m listening to this right here and seeing the way that
You refer to your stepchild as your stepchild around there I can imagine how that kid was at the house around now even even if I had a step kid right and it totally felt like I was a step farther you get in those type of situations you know what I mean but I
Would never mentally treat that child as a step kid even though I know I’m a step farther around there because they feel that you know what I mean and it’s kind of hard to uh uh uh get love from somebody that feels like you’re a burden or they feel some
Kind of resentment yeah in your relationship you know what I mean yeah because they feel un accepted yeah exactly because at the end of the day if you gonna just if you gonna just refer to them as a stepchild and treat them like a stepchild of course man that you
Know that’s never going to work you know what I mean yeah yeah that’s what you got man this topic can go on and on it’s such a good topic um I just you know I wish I had a podcast like this when I
Was in my 20s so I can get some kind of guidance because the things that we’re talking about today that is such the right answer but nobody was thinking about that at 22 I know I wasn’t I mean like it’s it took me to be in my 30s to realize
Like hey man we got to stop beefing and arguing that’s the the goal is to raise these kids to be the best they can be yeah you know that that is the goal and like that but I was like in my 30s when I learned that I’m 46 now you know I
Mean I mean but you just get wiser over 46 looking 20 thank appreciate it thank you sir salute but but you know it’s like you just don’t know them things and it take you a while to get mature enough and develop so I just wish I had a
Platform like this when I was like and when I was a young father so I could get some guidance so um again U I’m glad we’re doing this and I’m glad that watch were able to come on and share his thoughts absolutely go I have to tell
You bro you have the perfect I ain’t gonna say it’s perfect because nothing’s perfect but your scen your situation is very uncommon and I salute you and your um ex-wife I’m G say partner um for being such great parents because your kids are gonna turn out well even
Though they’re not in the same household I appreciate it yeah that’s why it blows my mind every time he mentions it like we’ve heard it a couple times now and it blows my mind because I’m still fighting for that you know what I’m saying I envy you you know we’re still working towards
That um you know and it’s don’t get us wrong people it’s challenging it’s very very challenging it it was hard it wasn’t easy it is not GNA be easy it’s very very challenging it’s challenging to figure out what the how the other person thinks how the other person
Responds to stuff you know what I’m saying it’s it’s super super challenging just like everything but you know it’s something that has to be worked towards for the betterment of the children and again like Mike said that’s that should be the first thing on our mind is what’s
Best for the kids yeah um all of us fathers like I say for all of us fathers that have kids outside the household right remember this each one of your kids parents their child is number one you know what I mean it’s up to you to create the balance regardless if they’re
Going to accept it or not R there it’s only one of you and you have multiple kids so at the end of the day you have to create the balance what works for us all of you guys you have to create the balance the the other parent can’t
Create the balance because they’re their their main concern is their their child only you know what I mean and and and as a parent right we our child that we have in our custody is supposed to be our number one concerned but us as fathers with multiple kids around there you got
To understand that you know what I mean and when you understand that you can make better decisions here you know what I mean yeah it’s not like you go up there and throw it all in their face you remember that this is the mentality to each one of your kids’ moms you know
What I mean that they child is their main priority they don’t care you have to care about creting your balance yeah absolutely absolutely Last Words Diego no I think uh I think I’ve I said everything I could I this is this a like H dad said this is a topic that can go
On you know it ranches out in different ways different scenarios but you know it it it’s just up to us to be to take The High Ground to be the mature and then just put our stuff to the side and just really focus on on the kids you know and
That’s that’s all I can say it it will take a lot of work it will take a lot of work it’s not easy I know a lot of people give me compliments but like I said my first three years it was it was it’s a lot of work and and I am very
Thankful um that that I’ve been able to get to this because I think if I if I wasn’t had been able to do this I think you know it would it would have been an ugly situation so um but so don’t give up you if D’s out there are in this in
This boat you know just you know keep putting your foot forward and putting your your part of it a part of the deal um whether the mom wants you in or not you know you you gotta make uh take the time to actually go in there and and do
Your best to be the dad one whether it’s by being present or or even texting you I mean there’s different ways now with technology to be able to communicate with your child that you know there shouldn’t be a reason why you you can’t have that talk or begin to build a some
Somewhat of a bond uh with them so um you know it’s it’s all it’s all up to you you know you know one thing I realized too that was really important to me being raised up and uh and how uh I raise my kids now you know I always
Try to keep my word if I if I’m going to do something regardless if I’m in a situation where I feel like it’s going to hurt me to do it I try to always keep my word I try not to lie to my kids you know because that
Means a lot to our respect from us as a a parent for my kids if they always know that Dad has never lied to me then it’s easier for them to accept us and believe us around now you know because at the end of the day while while we’re
Probably getting tortured by their moms on their end around there but at one point it’s going to realize that Dad has never lied to me and Dad has always kept his word you know yep yeah so that is real important important for us as fathers because I remember like when I
Was raised as a kid and I know how I felt when my dad lied to me and told me he was gonna pick me up you know what I mean yeah so yeah it different yeah and and it hit different and I never wanted
My kids to feel the way that I you know so if I’m go pick if I say I’m gonna pick him up on the weekend I don’t give a damn if somebody offer me the world to come do something no I’m hey man this is
My weekend for my kids I’m not gonna do it you know that’s awesome absolutely absolutely amazing de me any last words no I’m good brother absolutely so hey look y’all comment if you’re watching this uh on YouTube or on IG or wherever comment below and uh let us know if you
Want to hear part this because like Diego said we can go we can go to different ways with this but um this is definitely something that need to be talked about I’m glad I’m absolutely uh uh phenomenally uh glad that you know we were able to come together and talk
About this as fathers uh I’m glad that we got Mike on the on the line you know what I’m saying um it was it was good hearing your uh perspective on things and you know there’s a lot of wisdom there’s a lot of wisdom U coming from
You so you know we got to have you back on at some point you know to to not only continue this conversation but to hear your perspective and wisdom on other things because you know uh even though we’re all different age ranges you know we have different experiences and
Everybody can learn from somebody else and you know um like you said the the the number one goal is to to be able to raise our kids in the best way uh that’s best for them so you know what I’m saying thank you for joining us Mike uh we appreciate you brother
You know what I’m saying um yeah so hey this has been another edition of the fatherhood exclus the ex right hey I told y’all look this has been another Edition the fatherhood exclusive let me spin around in my chair this has been another edition of the fatherhood exclusive podcast we we
Love y’all we appreciate y’all and we’ll see y’all next week you dig don’t mind me I’m crazy
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