Never Look Back
Mean what probably get your V well that means uh I donāt know Rob boy what a cheering section we had back at Midwest Bob isnāt it funny that I can remember those yells after all these years hey Dad in the olden days when you went to college did everybody yell this
Stuff sure they all yelled at when and dressed like that yeah as a matter of fact this is my old coat had it D the addicts got a few moth holes in it many is the time I was happy I had this old coat on when I had to ride in the rumble
Seat I want to tell you the what the rumble seat you know the well I guess you donāt do you CH well a rumble seat was a Iāll show you a picture when is the class reunion D Tuesday and Wednesday the next week say it was kind of clever of them to send
These hats as reminders huh I suppose some guys will be dumb enough to go what do you mean by that Bub all that stuffās for the birds well I donāt know Bub I was kind of thinking I might go myself you got to be kidding spend two whole
Days with a lot of guys you havenāt seen in 25 years well why not bub sounds neat to me as a matter of fact I was sort of looking forward to seeing the old gang you know guys like Cyclone Collins chot put Malone squeaky Gates Heather Marlo a
Guy named Heather oh well theyāll all be bald bad tempered and bulging oh I donāt think so Bub Iām not bald bad tempered or bulging am I well now donāt say I didnāt warn you you know something Iām going Iām definitely going back to Old
Midwest you how we love the alma M and and will there be true Higher Learning fairish daughter hail to Midwest you hacka raaa Che Back on the popcorn F in the gum long fell primary H num thatās pretty good Jeff not as good as paully gets your fuma oh well nothing can top that whatās your dad doing now heās trying to get in into an old tux that he says he wed the senior prom I donāt
Think heāll make it heāll be playing his sacks Next oh hi Mike hey sounds pretty good I thought I better get out of the moth balls and practice up on a little Iām taking it back to the reunion oh yeah is this your old yearbook yeah thatās the old yearbook itās our engineering class whoās the girl then oh thatās
Heather Marlo she was the only girl in the class sheās pretty good looking for yeah she was pretty girl whereās your picture Iām right here oh yeah Steve Douglas with slide rule and T Square Steve goes out to reconstruct the world if these let him down he can always put
On his dancing shoes dancing shoes well the dancing shoes part is kind of a joke Heather and I entered a Big Apple contest one time Big Apple you remember the dance the Big Apple no of course you donāt well it had different steps in it the Shag Trucking Suzie Q you entered a
Dancing contest sure well did you win anything no no she was a wonderful dancer but I I was pretty bad she really could do the suszie Q suszie Q yeah well I got to run I promise Susie Sally that Iād take her to a symposium on after 50 what see you Dad see
You bub why donāt you want him to go to The Reunion yeah it sounds like fun to me well if I hadnāt seen some friends for 25 years Iād sure want to go well Steve is thinking of those guys the way they were Wily season the way they are now holy
Tomatoes oh want me to give you a hand with that B Iām trying to keep it clean hey Rob have you ever seen anybody after you havenāt seen him for a long time well uh Rango Milford went away all summer once well when he came back was
It like bub said uh-uh the only difference was that Rango had learned how to Indian wrestle did that make you feel bad not after I figured out a way to beat him everybody I know I see practicly every day yeah same here Iāve been through grade school and high
School with the same kids except for Peewee Andrews moved to the other side of town there was Georgie Williams I kind of liked her in the eighth grade A girl named Georgie yeah their real name was Georgina but sheād slug anybody who called her that she went to some girl
School after the eighth grade she sure was a good football player peew was as old as I am but he was smaller he used to be the only kid in the whole neighborhood who used to be scared of me kind of miss him no I never could be
Georgia arm wrestling I havenāt seen Peewee for a whole year good old Georgie Williams oh you know it sure be fun to throw a few passes again that girlās a born receiver hi hi letās go over to PE we Andrewās house how come I just want to see him
You mean weāre walking all across town just so you can look at Peewee Andrews yep B says Iām going to be sorry when I see Peewee Iāll bet peew is the one whoās going to be sorry you were always clunking him one remember yeah Billy John would clunk you one and you would
Clunk old PE Iām not clunking him today Iām just looking at him be what they call a reunion Dan time is Williams is Georgie home Georgie well Georgina yes she is was she expecting you no no I havenāt seen her for quite a while I should remember you Robbie Douglas Robbie Douglas of course Gina Georgie was so fond of you come in Robbie thank you
I believe Gina is dressing for some show at school let me tell her you here make yourself at home okay thank You Gina hey look peew we still has his little little scooter yeah he must be back so hard [Applause] yeah and if he can still get his hand in this no wonder they call him peee maybe B was wrong about reunion Iām kind of looking forward to see how Peewee what
Do you guys want what are you doing on my little brotherās Club your little brotherās Peewee Andrews heās Charlie used to call me Peewee in the old neighborhood around here they call me Rocky they know whatās good for him I mean you used to be Peewee Andress you say that again Iāll
Hit you over the head with him I never called you Peewee Peewee I just moved into the neighborhood this year Iām chip Douglas you know from the old gang oh yeah youāre the big kid used to run me ragging now Iām the little kid who doesnāt do it anymore you want he a
Little kid what you Rocky why not oh itās been nice see you around remember the time you guys were playing ball and every time somebody HD it over the fence you made me go and Chase it you were a great little Chaser Peewee I mean Rocky
Right now Iām going to chase you all the way Home boy bubbleās right reunions are for the bird Peee Oh Robbie this is a pleasant surprise Georgie Williams nowadays most of my friends call me Gina please sit Down may I take the lamp oh no I was just clearing off the table cuz it looked like a good place where we could uh well itās okay please excuse my appearance Iām sure I seem overdressed but Iām modeling in the charity fashion show at school well you look
Fine still interested in football I see oh yeah yeah Iām still interested uh I donāt suppose you are I mean interested in football I saw a few games last season I suppose youāre as confused and excited as the rest of us with the prospects of college yeah yeah Iām
Pretty confused all right thereās so many things to consider cost of college the choice of major then of course thereās Bill heās been talking marriage After High School but I donāt feel Iām ready to settle down yet and neither is Bill well that makes three of us
Oh listen to me doing all the talking and not giving you a chance to say a word well no there thereās not much to talk about well except that I I still like football oh Robbie Iām so sorry but I do have to be at the high school in less
Than a half an hour was there some special reason for you dropping by no well I was just in the neighborhood and I thought it might be nice to have a reunion it has been nice yeah Yeah gee Iām sorry no harm done that was a pretty good catch please remember me to your father and brothers oh sure goodbye Robie bye Georgie uh Gina football sure lost a great little receiver There Hackle oh hi chipper hi Dad whatās all this junk well it isnāt junk exactly chiper just some things I kind of kept from my college days like this I remember one night a bunch of fellas came over from Tate University and and painted the word tapate right across the
Front of the girls dormatory so the next night a bunch of us fellas went over and and painted the statue of old Horus Tate of bright red this is the brush I use of course the next day the dean of men made us go over and clean the statue up and
Take all the paint off but we left just a little bit of pain in his eyes you know sort of make him look bloodshot D and look here hereās the handle to the rumble seat in Old bushy Johnsonās car you know the night after the senior prom Heather and I decided
That nobody else should ever sit in that rumble seat again so we took the handle off Dad I wanted to and that same night Larry trencherman and his feverish f were playing for the prom and and he gave Heather his baton you know for a
Souvenir I wonder if she still has it is something on your mind Cher yeah Dad I wanted to tell you that well look at here hereās the student paper that came out the morning after old Raj puroy and I played Dipsy Doodle on the Caroline bells in the student building oh go
Well with this one we put in money every week for 40 years and then when you turn 61 youāre guaranteed W Iām not even thinking past next week itās just a few dollars out of my pay envelope each week and when you graduate and start working
We double it oh just think honey by the time weāre 65 weāll be to Old Folks wondering why we wasted so much of our youth worrying about our old age Mike I tried to tell Dad but he wouldnāt listen CH donāt you think Dadās old enough to
Make up his own mind but Mike heās going back to Midwest nobody will be the same yeah he talks as if bushy Johnson will still be driving a rumble seat whatever that is Mike youāre going to college couldnāt you think of some way to stop
Him all right Iāll tell you what Iāll do Iāll call Ted Cooper oh good whoās he heās a transfer from Midwest University went there last semester he can sort of prepare dad for some of the changes Mike tells me youāre planning a trip to Midwest University soon Mr
Douglas yeah thatās right Ted the 25th reunion of my class 25 years well youāre going to find a lot of changes on the campus but I bet the old Midwest Spirit hasnāt changed or her standards ier learningās fairest daughter beg pardon sir well the alma
Mat oh I guess that must be the old alad the dean of the music school wrote a new one about 5 years ago the dean of the music school old Rosen re is no itās Dr archal oh Rosen isnāt there anymore he was the originator of the spring song
Fest you know oh is that right yeah you know where the dorms and fraternities and sororities all have an entry of course they all wanted to sing Annie Lori because that was old rosenās favorite song and he was the chairman of the judging committee now thereās something really inspirational about those spring song
Fests isnāt there the music drifting out over Banbridge Meadows Banbridge Meadows and back of the Fieldhouse oh well thatās Trailer Village now where the married students slip oh I remember our fraternity won up one year big trophy we took it right down to the old Shake Shop
The Shake Shop across from the light Library oh well uh thatās the physics building in the cyron you know the trophy must have been this big around and about this high and we had the whole thing filled with chocolate malts a what a night how bet theyāre still talking about
It you know the first thing Iām going to do when I get back there Iām going down to the old Shake Shop and have a big thick double malt well I better start getting my things together go the attic and get my suitcase been nice to talk to you Ted
Thank you thanks Michael be right down to go and get my suit case out of the attic did uh Ted feel in an old Midwest yeah sort of you know heās nice enough fomite but heās one of those students that will never have the old College Spirit cat trap get a rap
Catap whatās he doing now heās packing I bet you you canāt decide whether to wear his coat and pack his sacks or pack his coat and carry his sacks I wonder if thereās anybody dad used to clunk like I used to clunk Peewee I mean Rocky he
Wonāt stay for the whole thing after he gets one look at those old Chums of his heāll grab the first plane and come home Iāll get it Bu D thereās a lady downstairs to see you her name is Heather Marlo Heather yeah Heather Marlo well thatās what she said here yeah to see me well you got it then well Rob tell her Iāll be right down okay Heather Mar you see I believe It Heather well Heather Marlo hello Steve itās been a long time yes I know you look great just great well thank you I was a little worried for Fe youād think I had changed I was a little worried about the same thing oh no Steve you
Look just the same let me take your code you know itās funny you should come by U I was just upstairs packing to go to the reunion well I was going too you were yes and then on the plane I began wondering suppose it turns out as badly
As my friends have been telling you you know my friends have been telling me the same thing well I had to change planes here and I remembered you lived at Bryant Park and so you came off to use me as a test case I did passed the test
With flying color let me hang up your coat sit down thank you all right you fellas quit lurking in the Kitchen come on in hi hello there hello this is my father-in-law bubo Casey and this is my youngest chip how you youāve met Robbie my oldest boy Mike is out with a
Girl remember I was telling you last night how Heather and I went to school together good old Midwest you how we love the Elma and will be [Applause] true well they know it well Iāve been singing it around the house lately oh wait oh there we go oh what professional sure and we truck truck huh that what that is the way there You now if I could only see a rumble seat hey Iāve got something I want to show you excuse me okay okay chip up to bed okay bub nice to meet you Heather thank you nice meeting you chip good night night night B night B night chip
Oh here Mr Casey let me help you no no no no Robbie will help me oh yeah sure boy those dances are sure wild arenāt they Bud yeah you should have seen the college dances we did in my day well I didnāt know you went to college bud I didnāt too busy Dancing Heather you remember this oh the EV yeah I bet old bushy Johnās still trying to open his Rubble seat I have something to show you go On remember this Iām sure itās Larry trench baton the one you got the night of the prom thatās right I was telling chip about that I kept it all these years I suppose itās kind of silly to hang out of these things but oh the memories are so nice
Yeah oh would you get a dance I would be Delight guess that proves that itās not so bad to look back after all it doesnāt prove any such thing well GB Miss Marlo hasnāt changed and dadās not disappointed it shows you when you look back be careful where you look and be careful of those plates vanelope you know your oldest boy the
One I didnāt have a chance to meet Mike heās in college isnāt he yes heās in college well I just hope heās having as good a time as we did Iām sure he is in his own way but whatās wrong with discussing our retirement plans now Sally why be afraid to look
Ahead you know Heather I donāt think Iāll go back to the reunion after Iāve uh well Iāve had my reunion D I was just thinking the same thing we better quit while weāre ahead itās nice to have a memory wear so well yes it Is open we go fishing every other weekend she will be ready and waiting here bu head chip I told ER to be ready and waiting outside his house otherwise weād leave without him that is right hey fell hold to donāt wh the neighbors hey who put those old waiters
Of mine in there I did there for Sally oh she fly fish no she doesnāt do any kind of fishing but she wants to learn well thatād be nice and roomy for her sheāll take two steps forward before she moves everybody set yeah 4:00 right on the D good good early
Start means a choice spot on the lake thatās right weāll see You This Friday night Sally Sally Sally who is it who is it itās Mike anything wrong honey itās after 4 I suppose it is did you forget weāre going fishing dad and everybody are waiting in the car even Ernie was ready Iām sorry oh must to S through my Alarm Iāll be with you in a Minute uh sheāll be down in a minute thatās what my mother always says that means an hour I never saw a girl on time for anything take her easy fellas we got a good early start we have to wait a couple of minutes it wonāt hurt sheās
Just putting on her lipstick and stuff lipstick to go fishing lipstick wonāt catch a fish I think lipstick caught this [Applause] one itās so important to get started in the middle of the night well itās just that we have our favorite fishing spot on the lake and we want to get there before anybody else does thatās Right Iām sorry itās all my fault they must have spent the night here well donāt worry uh Sally one spot on the lake is as good as another then how come we knocked ourselves out to get him Hey remember you guys Sally doesnāt know much about fishing oh quit worry and Mike weāll all help her yeah well sheās already feeling pretty self-conscious about making us late yeah I think itās a good idea to start her off with the spinning rod itāll be much simpler okay
Dad youāre the expert maybe youāll show her how hey you know this might be a good chance for you to get to know her better where is she oh sheās up in the trees putting your old waiters on you know how girls are I think I remember here she
Comes I knew you had to wear a uniform to catch a fish whatās that the new look hey got here honey you take this and listen to Dad heāll show you exactly what to do well okay I like to see now this is a this is a spinning rod how you doing
There Sally how am I doing Iāll let you know here we go hey look I see a big fish where Right By Ernie Sally right there I bet you donāt see them now Iām sorry again itās all right Sally donāt worry about it now there plenty more
Fish out there Iāll tell you as long as you got your weers own come out in the water with me huh whereād it go well I think you release a little soon okay I think Iāve actually got something hey what do I do just take her
Easy really hey I got a big one hold on to it I help you this Friday night yeah hey wait a minute charie I think I think maybe you about Ernie take it in already huh Okay thanks Ernie that really Des it you better give you a thrill though huh yeah I think Iāll go back to dry land where I canāt catch anybody else oh you wonāt catch anybody else come on try it again oh maybe I can serve sandwiches without fing them
Up okay weāll try it again later huh Sally Iāll see you on land all right boy now weāll catch some fish I got more fish in a goldfish bowl with my motherās hand there donāt worry weāll get plenty of the big ones when dadās along we always get the limit ever take
A woman with you before no on the old sailing ships it was considered bad luck theyād rather have loose gorillas on board instead of a woman whatās the difference the fish canāt tell if itās a man or a woman catching them I think they do they can tell by the long hair Ah fish on a fish howās it feel Dad how you feel like nice one Rob keep his head Up wants to run come on Sally you can net him for me oh no I might lose him of course give her a net mik yeah here go on huh itāll be a minute or two Though itās actually a fish you got him D you got him just take it easy Sally Iāll put the N right down there and Iāll eat him right Into oh I missed him oh wait there he where no down no heās gone come on come on come on out here Sally got your way to for the water boy you call this fishion have brought along a gorilla itās good you had your waiters on S you might have gotten wet yeah
Never mind Iām Okay why donāt we all go in and make it a party you sure I didnāt spoil everything oh no honey didnāt you hear us laughing about it on the way home yes but it didnāt sound like sincere laughing honey a day like this is a day that fishermen talk about for years
Afterwards what in a milion well it was nice to be included in the family outing youāll get used to us wait till a week from next Saturday heāll have another big day of fishing oh great yeah youāre an experienced fisherwoman now youāll have even more fun next time good
Bye oh honey and Dadās blanket oh here see you Thanks darling I still donāt understand the problem well mother now the douglases expect me to go fishing every time oh is it really so bad miserable I think I like them over here well why donāt dry headache theyāre always handy not every other Saturday move that for me will you
Dear how about uh how about giving Mike a gentle hint a hint Iāve done just about everything but slug him on the forehead he likes fishing so naturally I have to like fishing fishing is awful Mom itās itās messy and smelly and I just canāt even stand the thought of it
Your father used to take me to baseball games if he explained that infield fly I Ru to me once he explained it aund times how did you cure him every time he took me to a ball game I took him to a symphony one month later he made a
Deal maybe if I took Mike to a fashion show heād hate looking at the dresses heād love looking at pretty Girls maybe if I took him to the ballet heād hate watching those dances he love looking at pretty girls that doesnāt have pretty girls bird watching who knows anything about bird watching nobody including Mike so weāll fake it weāll um weāll plan a field trip with your sisters our old
Girl group of bird Watchers Plus Mike Dad Iām engaged to a bird watcher is that so I had to fall in love with a bird watcher I thought just other birds watch Birds oh no her whole family watches itās their hobby like ours is fishing watching them do what nothing
Absol absolutely nothing just sitting in a tree well a bunch of peeping Toms Iām supposed to go peeping with them tomorrow well it should be very interesting Mike do you know there are over 9,000 different kind of birds well do you expect to learn all 9,000 of them by tomorrow I donāt
Know say do you know how a reed bunting chooses its mate no Mr Bones how does the Reed buting choose its mate well uh wait a minute we better send chip out of the room I know all about birds Iām Beast too the female Reed Bunning chases every
Male in sight and then she marries the first one she catches whatās so unusual about that Sallyās family have a sensible hobby like Fishing alligator Wrestling a get him oh I donāt know about this Sally did we really have to start out at 3:00 in the morning his fish get up at 4:00 so my Feathered Friends are going to get up at 3 canāt you tell him birds sleep late on Saturdays Iāll never keep
All those names straight once I get past Canary Iām lost to me a birdās a bird oh all right now girls when you get married weāll gang up on your husbands do you think Mikeās ready I hope heās sound Asleep good morning youāre ready oh Iāve been dressed since [Applause] 2:30 listen a brand new bird sounds like a warbler oh there it is it is a warbler golden Che are black throated gray oh it looks like a cape m a cap M AR kidding exciting here honey take the binoculars you see it over there on that
Tree I see a bird I think not just a bird itās a cape man let me see let me see oh beautiful here let me have another look oh just a minute oh there it goes oh well chalk went up for me I saw it first I I identified him Val you thought
It might be a golden cheek your black coat of gray mother thought it was a cake May thatās right sheās right I think you get a couple points mother this is ridiculous we shouldnāt argue in front of Mike oh my my Iām sorry you know when we get in the
Field we get so excited about our little wing creatures yeah well I understand it is very exciting all right everybody now we let weāll all spread out Sally you and Mike go in that direction and girls weāll go this way bird watchers Home Get down youāre frighten the Quarry see anything no not yet no wonder your red shirt whatās the matter with it we bird watchers all wear neutral colors that way we blend in with the natural surroundings itās called protective coloration well how come my red shirt didnāt bother the Cape May uh the sun is
Higher now more reflection birds are very sensitive to bright colors they take off in Wild Panic like fish oh sorry I hope I didnāt scare away any of the rare ones oh donāt worry weāll put some dirt on your shirt dirt yeah [Applause] fine here lie down Iāll get you Back there it was your shirt Mike look up in that tree a Western Tanager we signal the others oh um hey everybody she sees a mik loud noises remember like the fish you said to Signal them no by hand thereās a different hand signal for every
Bird oh uh whatās the hand signal for Western Tanager you pat your head with your left hand and and then jump up and Down whatās he doing oh you wouldnāt believe it if I told you well switch hands quickly why itās a [Applause] Male oh No how long do I have to keep this up till they signal Back weāre suppos to answer oh Um well I got the message good oh goodness you know weāre falling way behind schedule last time by 10:30 we had have over 30 sightings thatās right now come on letās get going come on to come on come on Mike how long can your mother keep this up she gets her second Win I spotted a pine wagtail come on a pine wagtail do you know how great that is Mike what the heck is a pie-eyed wagtail a ped wagtail to us itās like a a three lb fighting trout come on hurry p wagtail p wagtail found only in Great Britain Iām sorry oh oh I canāt understand what happened everything was going along fine and they sort of began to like bird watching whereās old Eagle Eye now heās back at the car he wants to set up a remote control camera to see if he can
Get a bird to take a picture of itself enthusiasm like that is sick me this is disastrous now Iām going to have to go fishing and bird watching hey look what I found what kind of an egg do you think that is oh itās
A itās a large one all right H it um it could be a Chinese peasant it looks like a malard what do you think honey definitely a malard HH Sallyās right whereād you find it in your lunch basket itās hard boil more lunch basket very Funny hey wait a minute I was just going along with your fun donāt you know better than to teach a woman a lesson when sheās teaching you a Lesson 3 days and she hasnāt returned one of my calls yet just because I caught onto that bird watching trick why would you want to pull a practical joke like that anyway are you asking me right or are you just thinking out loud I donāt know both I guess what
She might be trying to tell is she canāt stand fishing no Dad she had a good time she told me well Mike I think maybe you gave her the feeling that unless she likes fishing she doesnāt belong in our family she decided to teach you a lesson and
Then you decided to teach her a lesson let me tell you Mike the divorce courts are loaded with people who decided to teach each other lessons well Dad if she doesnāt like fishing why didnāt she just make excuses or something Mike you and Sally are going
To be married one of these days if I had one word of advice to give you on marriage the word would be communicate you mean just say whatās on your mind you semaphor smoke signals are just plain words but would say it and make sure you understand each other
Clearly youāll see stally likes fishing sheāll be right out in front of her apartment waiting sure she [Applause] Will well itās just 4:00 weāre getting a good early start that means a choice spot on the lake Sally why arenāt you ready because Iām not going I hate fishing Mike and I hate bird watching okay okay see you tonight wonderful [Applause] Coming up later weāll award you an Oscar and a Tony in an Emmy winning show The Odd Couple catch back-to-back episodes starting at noon 9 Pacific right here on TV Land The rewatchability Network How about that three points against Milford and we thought they were tough now everythingās fine it was a simple fracture thatās set perfectly H well thatās a relief heās going to have to be in a cast for about 4 weeks but he can come home on Monday can we see his C
Ask now dad oh yes heās a little uh groggy from the anesthetic but we can go in for a few minutes the only thing heās worried about is missing the rest of football [Applause] season hey did you get a look at her I wonder this place is doing such a
Great business I think sheās a student nurse whatās she studying I donāt know what branch of medicine it is but I hope I catch it uh fellas we were going to visit Robbie remember Rob gets a look at her and weāll never get him out of here
Pachero might be too much for our Robbie too much what uh youāll find out in about six years J one of you Mr Douglas uh yes Iām Mr douas I am Ivon Philip Robbieās nurse Robbieās nurse Sherry vanilla ice cream his favorite would you like to take it
To him oh surely I think Robās an adorable boy oh [Applause] adorable Robbie My dumb brother my grandchild must be some new theory on therapy well letās go in and see if we got the right Robbie R Iām sorry Rob itās just us hi Rob Robie all right
Rob I said it kind of made me woozy I guess we didnāt really appreciate get you rob how about that a 30 yard field goal field goal I mean Ivon oh yeah isnāt she something else when I was in the hospital my nurse looked like Abraham
Lincoln Rob Ivon sent in this ice cream but I see you already have some did she uh bring that into you too I told her cherry vanilla was my favorite oh can I ask some R sure well uh Rob does she treat all her patients like this Iām her first patient
Oh her her aunt was a war bride and just brought Ivon over from Paris she gave me all these magazines she even sang to me very softly when I was coming out of my anesthetic well enjoy it while you can youāre going home Monday and nobodyās going to sing to you there
There when Dr Litman will take the cast off weāll try to keep this piece intact as a remembrance well boy Iām sure glad you could come today Von howād you get away from the hospital I switched with Jane Johnson so I could be with you today for the transition well be my
Guest oh itās time for your calcium you know I had to heat this for His Highness I hope itās the right temperature perfect before I go upstairs will there be anything else oh great and Noble Master well Iāll tell you what Iād like Iāll tell you what you could to get if he
Wants anything thatās what the nurse is [Applause] for twink up now twink Up what is he seeing her you have to wait 6 years for this answer how come I donāt know thatās what they keep telling me they always T to hear you when you ask questions about girls yeah Iām going to quit asking I already did now mostly
Ask about birds and animals and insects my dadās an expert sometimes he gets goofed up though H like last night when I wanted to know stuff about birds and bees you should heard the crazy answer I got you know Bub said that if he could be
Sure heād get a nurse like you heād try for double pneumonia not right now okay I have a full-time job You are you tired I have this strain around the eyes weāll fix [Applause] that put your head back Okay is it feel of Good Bob when did Mike bring Robbie home from the hit this morning Mike did she come with you then yeah she sat in the back seat with him what do you mean sheās been here all day yeah what is this some new kind of Hospital service I donāt
Know it kind of looks like she goes for him but thatās ridiculous she must be at least 5 years older than R she but she saw his age on the hospital chart well she is here on her own time isnāt she I mean weāre not paying her by the hour
No this is her day off it just doesnāt make sense does it sure doesnāt she sheās too mature too smart too beautiful well women are strange creatures I saw a guy on a ship out of poor SED he looked like a gorilla but you should have seen the girls hanging
Around but not Rob no it just doesnāt make sense m [Applause] Rob whereās Evon she went to the drugstore for some rubbing alcohol oh uh do you mind if I turn this off a minute oh itās okay well uh howās the leg thatās okay it kind of itches under the cast I was
Dying to scratch it but I had to wait till Ivonne left uh thatās something Iāve been wanting to talk to you about ites no Miss Philip youon poor what a doll yeah I donāt want you to take offense at this Rob but just how do you account for
Her interest in you what do you mean account for Dad well it seems to me that sheās just a little uh dad think of it this way if you wake up one morning and and someone hands you a million dollars are you going to ask a bunch of foolish
Questions I guess maybe you have something there maybe she lost an election bet maybe she knows something we donāt or maybe this is just a beautiful dream who cares I get it hi Mike hi well hello Mr Douglas hello Miss F well are you ready for your nice Al oh
You bet would you hold this please oh sure thank you now lay down in your stomach and pull up your shirt B sheās been coming here every day for 2 weeks I just canāt figure out why do you want me to tell you why you mean you know absolutely why itās obvious well bub if you know why didnāt you tell me because youād tell me Iāve got bees in
My Bonnet well now why would I say that all right why does she come here what does she want you me bu youāve got bees in your pocket what did I tell you hello this is Chip may I speak to Ernie please oh he is is he no itās nothing
Bye did I hear you calling Ernie heās a double cross and low down snake rat oh whatās he done now heās over at lindu Clarkās house again how low can a person sink I suppose you think itās funny donāt you well Ernie was my friend and now heās not and I
Donāt think thatās funny at all and I thought it this would be a good idea to get a womanās angle on this whole thing Sally I talked to bub but he has the wild theory that well never mind his theory whatās yours well did it ever occur to you that she might be
Interested in someone else who lives at your house like who like you Sally youāve got bees in your I mean thatās ridiculous she always visits Robbie in the evenings doesnāt she when youāre at home well yes but thatās because she doesnāt work at the hospital evenings and she makes a
Special point of saying hello and goodbye to you doesnāt she well everybody says hello and goodbye you say hello and goodbye even the mailman says hello and goodbye if I happen to run into it I didnāt mean to upset you Iām not upset Sally itās just that well I I
I wish the whole thing would go away I donāt like being part of a triangle with Ivonne and Rob wait a minute Iāve got an idea you know Mike knowās one of the interns at the hospital and maybe he could get him to find out what goes with
Her well somebody better I donāt like being a corner of a triangle and I want out well she sure isnāt setting her starched little C for a kid like Robbie or chip and your grandfather is too old that leaves one eligible man Iām engaged well whoās talking about you your dad If was that clunky goof birie tell me Iām not home hello oh hi Joe yeah sure you found ought to be here in about a half hour okay well tell Henry I want to see him drool well uh Al was bringing Dave and Dave wants to bring Bob Charlie and
Edy listen even after you see her you wonāt believe it I didnāt myself at first but sheās for real yep every night rubs my head makes me nourishing custards sings to me okay donāt believe it but just wait till you see her you wonāt believe it okay
Bye curtain goes up at eight huh curtain yeah the show the circus you going to have a band or how about an MC Iām available Mark I donāt even know what youāre talking about Iām talking about Ivonne how do you think sheās going to feel when she finds out that youāve
Invited a bunch of teenage wolves over to Lear at her well she said it was okay you got her permission well yeah she said anything was okay with her so long as it makes me feel better oh none so blind as those who will not see hello hold on chip itās for
You is it Ernie I think so I donāt want to talk to him H Ernie I told you Iām not home what do you mean you donāt believe me if I say Iām not home Iām not home I donāt know when Iāll be back is there any
Message okay Iāll tell my grandfather to tell me to call you and then I wonāt why donāt you go call up your old Linda Su Clark come on Douglas where is she I donāt know Iāve never been this late before come on now Robbie what is this a broken L fantasy yeah bet you thatās her right Now Iām So Am BL Robie oh thatās okay Ivonne I want you to meet some guys fellas this is Ivonne phelip hi everybody Ivonne this is Al Henry Charlie Bob Joe DAV is your father home yet wobby yeah heās upstairs oh fine now you know what
You were going to do tonight well I thought the guys might want to watch you while you rub my head sheās got a real cool hands not tonight oh come on Ivon oh you going to sing to me well you hear a voice combination of stran and Doris
Day this I got to hear tonight we dance dance itās going to be great for them but howās it going to help me you will try to dance with me what in a cast you can move you can dance itās wonderful exercise and your leg needs the circulation now come on hey thatās [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] it first bub right out of the blue then there was Sally you could call that womanās intuition and uh and my friend the intern well your friend the intern isnāt supposed to be doing any diagnosing until he becomes a doctor and now we find out that this Ivon has been
Calling up all day and not to talk to Robbie dad but to talk to you yeah Mike if I had had any inkling right at the start why she was coming here I would have stopped the whole thing right then and there but now that itās gone on
This long if I say anything Robbieās going to be hurt sheās going to be hurt I donāt know what to do I think you better talk to her dad yeah I guess I better Iāll just have to try to figure out some way to be tactful
And firm at the same time let her down Easy you know really it shouldnāt be too hard to explain to her dad just tell her that a a young beautiful girl like she is shouldnāt shouldnāt be wasting her time with a man your age Iāll try to keep that approach in Mind well I think the treatment is a success thatās it no youāre not cool at you guys yvon has to be at the hospital early in the morning but sheāll be back tomorrow night thatās right oh isnāt your father coming down Robby thatās funny I thought he was going to join Us oh there he is hello Mr Douglas well hello sleep I heard the music stop I thought the party was over itās not over yet dad well yes it is for me Robby I have to go back to the hospital oh Mr Douglas would you mind hoing me off to the hospital well
Iād be glad to as a matter of fact thatās why I I mean iā Iād like to thank you weāll take her back Mr Douglas sure weād love to or be no trouble fellas uh Iām going downtown anyway to uh pick up some tobacco bye boys Bye
By well what do you think the living most also so wow itās the only way to break a leg nice of you to invite me in for coffee it was very interesting uh to hear how you decided to become a nurse Itās a Wonderful profession certainly use more nurses
Miss Philipe thereās something Iāve been wanting to talk to you about alone please call me Ivon uh Miss uh Ivon speaking as a much older man older you oh yes yes Iām Iām very mature I I find that Iāve come to the point in life where well I Iām very
Fussy about little things like well take my socks for instance Iām very particular about how theyāre placed in my Bureau drawer they have to be rolled up and put in rows row by roll Blues here and Grays here and well I just find that there many things like that these
Days I guess Bobās right he says that thereās nobody in the whole world that could stand being married to me only a woman knows what it deals to a woman and I am a woman oh yes yes you are but youāre a very young woman
Don not that young I mean I knew what I was doing spending all that time at your house and it worked well now now here was a boy who might have had a serious psychological trauma trauma oh you you mean r uhhuh a broken leg could have left a terrible mantal
Scar if he had time to brood about it I read something like this in nursing school you did uh-huh my first case was so important to me I know a simple fractures into serious but I wanted to begin my career with a success I tried to feel every minute of
Robbieās time to keep him busy to Baby him to to to keep his ego satisfied and I think it worked oh yeah yes oh yeah yes it worked heās made a wonderful adjustment so I guess Iāll be moving on to my next case and it will be up to you to take
Over Iāve got the most fascinating case coming up a herniated disc a herniated disc well that sounds fascinating I knew you would understand what I was doing well I must admit ion that I didnāt completely but uh I guess when you get to be my age youāre a little slow at
Catching on to things then Iām glad I told you Iām glad you told me too you donāt think that itās kind of square for a nurse to be so dedicated Square oh no indeed I just uh donāt know how to thank you Leon for uh well for everything
Youāve done for Rob well it was a pleasure and I just hope youāre your herniated a disc turns out Successfully it all boils down to the one thing IA was harping on lack of communication all we had to do is go to Ivon and ask her and weād have found out thereā have been no problem sure there would have sheās a girl isnāt she chip has declared war on the weaker
Sex I thought the war was with Ernie itās the same thing Ernie has gone over to the enemy her nameās Linda Sue Clark jip ER just might have a very good reason for spending time with Linda Su have you taken the trouble to ask him why should I either heās my friend or
Heās the friend of a Girl itās Ernie well chip hereās your chance to communicate now go on Communicate I have to go to work Iāll see you tonight see you later see you hi you you home yet I guess so my dad says Iām supposed to communicate with him thatās not fair in account I wor glasses and I was smaller than you itās not like that itās like
Asking questions about what but how come you keep going over to see Linda Sue Heck I donāt go to see her I go to see her Pony you mean she has a real pony yeah and she lets me Rite it and everything he do you think sheād let me write it
Why not Iāll just tell youāre my best F can we go now sure Why just think I donāt have to call you Mr Douglas anymore dad and this is the first time in my life Iāve ever used the word daughter hey thatās right well I look at it like this I may be losing a brother but Iām gaining a
Room honey I just want to go thank your okay Dad I just wanted to say thanks Dad for everything oh Mike thereās nothing to thank me for the brideās parents always pay for the wedding all I did was stand around and Nod no dad I mean for everything for putting up with me
Especially in the last few years with the guitar lessons and H rod cars everything it all comes back double Mike whoā have thought my number one son would turn out to be an assistant psychology instructor back East Iām proud of you Mike for a lot of Things Sally I want a shot of mik taking you to the car come on mik come on now big smile big smile Come On Everybody follow come on hey I think weāre supposed to take the rice out of the bags I want him to
Feel it when I hit him here they come I got some great pictur good come On well thatās one L kit Iāll have to clean up after I suppose you could look at that way come on letās go get something to eat how can you fellas eat again you just had four pieces of wedding cake a piece well Charlie it was a a nice wedding
Wasnāt it yeah pretty soon now Chip and Robbie will be uncles and Iāll be a great great uncle and weāll be calling you Grandpa ah Grandpa yeah thatās what they call a guy when his kids have kids donāt unless you want to go high class and have them call your grandfather Grandpa you lose your nose or something no no I was just what were you saying Charlie I was saying this little Ernie is a bad influence on Chip he got him giggling in church practically right on top of the I I guess giggling in church has been
Going on for a long time Charlie and it probably wasnāt Ernieās fault anymore than it was chips itās one of those thing for you get started and you canāt stop I know but just the same yeah yeah chip is it okay if Ernie stays here a couple of days well yes I guess
So how come youāre asking he usually walks right in and picks up a bed bo he canāt anymore a bunch of junks going on at his house well what do you mean a bunch of junks going on at his house what kind of junk important junk oh now
We know hey Jasper if you want to dust the floor go get them up not your best suit well Iām telling you these kids not they what are you looking at in that mirror an aging man John an aging aging man he [Applause] Ernie Iām still stuck here cuz thereās
Sign of papers and junk in the house how come itās a thing thatās going on Ernie come here got to go come on in thereās some cake in the thing hi Mom Iām Miss cter hello dear hello Ernest now I have something to discuss with you you know Mr Thompsonās
Firm has transferred him to the or donāt you yes maāam and I know I canāt go along cuz the county doesnāt allow foster kids out of the county or something and thatās why we canāt take you with us dear but miss CER is going to find you some nice new foster
Parents where will I live this time weāll find you a wonderful family around here well weāll try will you write to me in junk oh Ernie excuse me hey boy [Applause] [Applause] yeah hello uh Googy how are you Googy this is Steve uh Steve Douglas are you well Iām fine yeah I guess it is kind of a surprise I uh havenāt called you in some time but has it been 20 years what happened oh you were getting ready to bathe your what your
Grandchildren and they just ran out the front door without the clothes on well sure sure sure I understand I I can call you back some other time yes of course I understand goodbye 20 years you donāt have to look so rotten I only had them for a little while you had
Other parents sure people get paid for taking care of kids like me and theyāre always real nice who pays them a thing called the county they try to give us kids without folks to people instead of putting us in a big building I saw the building itās pretty neat you think that
Lady will find the other frosted parents around here so you get to go to the same school froster not frosted anyway how do you know thereās somebody around here thatāll let you live with them Iāve been thinking there isnāt the only people that like kids are those two old ladies
Clear over on ler Street and if I lived over there Iād have to go to Susan be dorsy school and Iād rather get shot in my stomach than go to a creepy school like that yeah I remember they got girls over there they kiss you for no reason at all
Yeah anyway you better not tell that lady from the county that youāre going to be staying at my house for a couple of days okay well as I remember her she had light hair well she was a blonde and she wasnāt too tall you donāt I see thank you very much Whatās that you just hid H oh nothing you be interested in JY well when somebody duck something out of sight the minute I walk in Iām interested no just a little black book it is not a little black book it happens to be a book I have with some addresses of old friends
Iāve had it for years Shirley mashon angelet Downs Flora McBride go Googy D Googy yes Googy hey youāre not calling this tomatoes are you whatās wrong with renewing all friendships nothing but by the looks of this book I think you picked the right word oh you know thereās an old Chinese
Saying I learned on the cowon ferry when the ink turns brown the girl is over the hill hey how many times have I told you guys you use the back I just cleaned the rug yeah but you said guess could use the front door Uncle
Charlie what guess all I see is you and I stop barding you saw cuz weāre not at school today yeah I know and those shoes on the sheets and I want to show you something I bought a black towel yesterday and when you wash your hands I want you to use [Applause] it Dad uh could I talk to you for a minute sure Rob whatās on your mind well Dad I uh I overheard a couple of things and I uh I saw you look into the mirror a few times and uh well Dad I
I think we ought to talk it out well I uh appreciate your great concern Robert Iāll survive well sure Dad youāll survive but uh dad all Iām saying is youāre a young man you donāt have to go around and and call all these old girlfriends I told Charlie and Iām
Telling you I was merely trying to renew old friendships thatās all but Dad why worry about renewing old friendships when you can go out and make new ones dad stop taking those ladies with crop duster lectures and Round Table discussions there are some great spots in town well like the giggle aogo the
Giggle aogo Rob that that might work for you but well can you see a man of my age going to a place called The giggle aogo Dad Iām not saying that the giggle aogo is the only only place there are other places I could write out a whole list of
Other places well donāt bother look will you please stop giving me romance lessons or whatever youāre doing Dad Iām just trying to tell you that I think you should think Young there thereās nothing like a a place like the gigg a goo to make a guy feel young okay then Iām Iām
Going Iām going but first listen to this young lady uh would you mind telling me where you bought that sweater Iām thinking of getting one just like it for my sister now you see you flatter her taste and at the same time when you say sister instead of wife she knows that
Youāre good night what Robbie still telling your dad how heās young and he should go around kissing girls in JN yeah the minute he got into college he started talking a lot TR I donāt know but you better not put Wilson down till I find him well I
Wish and Wilson wouldnāt fight all the time makes Uncle Charlie mad it makes Wilson bleed a lot okay you can put Wilson down well I guess we finally got you moved in yeah Wilson if TR pies a fight with you again you got to not fight back cuz youāre not
Supposed to be here at off come on get down now boy so the next time youāre in a restaurant or something and a and a girl is sitting next to you donāt say something like itās a nice day or some unimagined stuff like that say something
Like U what shade of blue is that dress youāre wearing Iām thinking of incorporating it into an airplane Iām just oh come on dad donāt you see you flatter because you like the color sheās wearing and at the same time you let her know that youāre not a librarian or
Something and believe me most women flip over anybody who has anything to do would you mind if we continued this seminar some other time I have some reading to do yeah okay now dad just quit thinking old huh and quit going out with crop dusters like that Alice bread wall that you keep
Hauling off to dinner crop dusters yeah thatās a thatās a thing we say Dad hereās something else you can say when youāre meeting something good night Rob okay Dad good Night hey dad hereās another youāre in a corter and this beautiful blonde is walking by good night Rob yeah good night Not a word Youā think the kid would think of somebody else but himself once in a while Mike and Sally just got married yesterday sure but how long does it take to send the wi saying they got there safe wherever they went no more for me and another thing how come tra
Spent the night trying to get in bed with me I must have forgotten locked my door yeah well donāt forget it tonight itās like sleeping with a camel Dad are you going to work today yes Iām going to work Rob well itās a holiday I mean thereās no school why
Donāt somebody tell me these things I made three Lun today the day our St got L into the Union they call it ad Mission day for some reason maybe the rest of the country charged us admission to get in well Mission day or not I have to go
Out to the plant well Dad is as long as youāre going to work with why donāt you try some of those approaches we were discussing no thanks nice breakfast Char Dad donāt think of it as chasing think of it as an experiment in in contact psychology Iāll see you fellas later see
No use letting good food go to waste oh well thanks anyway whatās the matter you too proud to eat out of a paper bag here eat it in the park in the sunshine where the old guys sit I still think itās D to go back to your
Old house just to get a skateboard thatās already busted when guys ask me to go skyboard riding I show him how busted it is and I donāt have to get killed trying to ride it yeah well just the same hey look thereās that lady not a sight of the culture I donāt
Understand it his bicycle is here come on better give me that description again well he stands about uh that High boy sheās siing the police on you yeah you must be a detective come on eating in today Mr Douglas yes when I left the house this morning there were well itās admission day
Oh Miss Fisher yes Mr Douglas that dress youāre wearing uh what shade of red would you say that was just red red well I I I thought maybe it had a particular name like well like chrus I of course I know thatās a shade of green
Or or yellow and oh it really doesnāt make much difference to me Iām color Blind hi hello m B Mr Douglas would you mind telling me where you got that sweater thatās funny I was just going to ask no Iād be very happy I was thinking of getting one like it for my boyfriend good night Mr good night Mr D uh m yes uh that bag youāre carrying itās
Uh itās leather isnāt it good Night sh maybe itās just your dad what will we find out you fellas all right in there yeah Dad weāre just horsing around hey Dad oh hi R Dad look at this I cut some stuff out of the papers man becomes Grandfather at 33 what about it well
Donāt you see Dad this goes to show you that grandfather is a word that doesnāt always mean old hereās another one hereās a woman thatās 35 years old and sheās already a grandmother sheās also an acrobat you see hereās another one dad this guy is 85 years old and he
Swims 2 miles a day Dad donāt you see age has nothing to do with it itās all in the mind Robbie Iām tired and Iād like to take a shower I appreciate what youāre trying to do for me but well Iāll have to work out my physical and mental
Collapse on my open oh wait Dad listen Iāve got this program worked out thatāll have you back on your feet in no time at all now right after dinner now dad suppose youāre out some night with this terrific girl and she wants to dance the comboās playing some
Piece like this well you got to be ready for it Iām never going to be ready for that well you wonāt let you try dad now come on just try once will you Rob I told you once dad I want come on on down dad now lift your hand now Jerk It Down
Jerk your hands down snap your back I snapped my back 20 years ago thatās why I wonāt snap now lift your hands higher pull them down like youāre pulling on a rope or something come on dad you can do it if you try thatās it lift your hands lift them up
Higher how do you do Iām Ernestine culure D your hands down dad you got to snap your back now come on dad you got to lift your hands higher have to come up Dad start up thatās not Tri down you got to do the snap on the head you see
Now watch my see my back and start backs up this is a pretty peculiar time of night that be selling briefcases honey to my neck look at my head Dad see it snap starts in the back like a bull whip and you J down like oh no Iām not Iām
Not selling briefcases we were we were just could I help you yes do you know anything of the whereabouts of an earnest Thompson and Ernest Thompson you make him sound like an object you think heās going to tell sure he has to heās a dad I have been to
Every house within four blocks do you know the boy no sure we donāt heās a friend of my sons fine if you see him again would you please call me at this number yes Iām sorry I interrupted your whatever it was you were doing boy didnāt tell how come you didnāt say anything
About the little squirt being upstairs well she didnāt really give me a chance Charlie Childrenās Welfare unit Kings County Ernestine CER dad uh if you donāt mind my saying so you just didnāt make the Right Moves with her now what you should have said
Was uh come on in by the way one of our most attractive secretaries wears her hair just like that now you see that by saying But why didnāt you tell me the truth in the first place well guy youāre a dad knew it I had to call that lady they would have taken Ernie away and put him in well like a jail well chip the county home isnāt like a jail I happen to know
Itās quite a nice place sure it is Miss cter is a nice lady only I donāt think theyād let me take Wilson to the county home yeah Dad itās all they can do to get rid of kids down there kids with dogs have to wait longer to to get a
Frosted home I mean foster home youāve uh had foster parents before Ernie yeah will you explain them at the home that I got to have Wilson with me Mr Douglas yes I will Annie now you fellas understand Ernie can stay here tonight but uh Iāll have to call Miss CER in the
Morning yeah I guess we busted the law enough already boy Dad how come some kids have all the parents they want rnie hasnāt even got one well thatās uh thatās the way things work out sometimes but you know something some of the greatest men in our country were orphans maybe thatāll happen to
Ernie maybe it will yeah Mr Bassler says Iām already the best tow collector he ever had in the boy gym good night fellas night Dad night howās it going in there dad well Ernie seems to be taking it in stride Chipās the one whoās upset yeah well thatās because weāve always been a
Sensitive family yeah Dad uh you know that Miss cultur isnāt exactly a crop duster and well I think you ought to just play it cool well I mean maybe you flub up a little grammar you know like saying things like uh he donāt and you was and stuff like
That you want me to say things like he donāt and you was and things like that to yeah that you ought to try it because maybe sheās the motherly type and you know they like to correct mistakes oh [Applause] Come here D whatās wrong kid D Ernieās crying huh heās pretend not to but I can tell well guy I didnāt say anything rotten or hit him or anything Dad no I know you didnāt Sher itās kind of chilly why donāt you climb on my bed from minute Iāll go talk to Him Ernie yes sir Ernie uh when you leave here tomorrow you donāt think weāre just going to let you disappear do you I mean weāll be seeing you after all you wonāt be very far away because uh well youāll be in the county and the county isnāt very big is it no
You know Ernie weāre never really alone even though it seems that way sometimes we have friends who remember us and who think about us and you have a lot of friends Ernie you have uh Uncle Charlie and Robbie and Chip and me and and Wilson and you have a lot of friends in
School why but you know all kinds of kids who miss you when youāre absent for one day yeah I guess and uh your teachers and Mr bastor in the gym you know Ernie youāre just a young fellow but you made all these friends already did you ever think of
That no how about my clarinet teacher sure youāre clarinet teacher and Mike and Sally H yeah and when they have kids Iāll have all them for friends yeah yeah and donāt forget Ernie when things get rough you always have a friend you can pray to oh I already did
That oh you did I prayed for you to come in here well you know thatās the nicest compliment I ever Had why donāt you lie down I go to sleep right yes sir good night Mr Douglas Johnny would it be baby if I asked you to stay in here for a while I mean just till I go to sleep now it wouldnāt be baby at all
Ernie Iāll be right here good night Mr dougas good night D could ride a pogo stick you should have sent him over Iāve been stuck here without a car and couldnāt get to the market what do you mean carrier Ernie you ought to be carrying me too much circus for
Ernie oh boy Iām bushed Uncle Charlie what wild animals you should have been there yeah there was a real African line hun right in the center ring yeah they had Natives and Spears and rifles and noise makers and beaters and where was the lion he wouldnāt come out of the
Cage letās have our own wild animal African safari right out and back yeah we can p trash can tops together too wait a minute fellas weāve had a pretty noisy day why donāt you just hunt with Spears blunt Spears make a quiet Safari huh come on Ernie want to Come watch it the riverās full of man e and crocodiles oh well I was just about to step into my War Canoe greetings great white Hunters greetings bana and friendly Chief from friendly tribe live across friendly River Beyond friendly mountains and friendly Valley unfriendly lion is ravaging our herds carrying off our people and you would like us to destroy this unfly lion we would be eternally grateful you have
Nothing to fear we kill lion for you then can you grant us a boon anything you desire anything you have only to ask gee thanks Dad is it okay if a great hunter sleep in the out in the tent tonight okay great white Hunters Boy I better get back to bed so I can wake up from This here wake up thereās a lion in the backyard what Iām not kidding I saw him a lion in the a come on Ernie I donāt want to play any more than go back to sleep Iām not playing thereās a real life L out there he was looking a TR of
Fish you saw a real life dog now go back to sleep qu bother me pleas J come out look just let me show down weāll both go back to sleep all right heās right over There he was there see tra dish he must have got scared when he saw me I tell you Jeff Oh Charlie wake up thereās a lion in the backyard lions lions too much service thatās All see nothing but your imagination and some Shadows of that scrap Lumber Iāve been trying to get you and Chip the stack up well are you satisfied sure I was satisfied the first time I saw him well from now on lay off them hot dogs come on letās get back to Bed hey Dad did you hear that noise yeah what do you think it was I donāt know maybe Charlieās crawling around downstairs Charlie oh Charlie whatās going on it was Earnie Steve too many hot dogs if you ask me got them seeing things what kind of things well uh uh
Did you know thereās a lion in the backyard a lion no but I knew about the crocodiles see Dad like I said heās trying to get attention has to be constantly reassured that we love him at 2:00 in the morning well Charlie I guess itās going to take a while before he
Feels heās part of the family what are we going to do about him claiming that he sees Lions no we just have to go along with it until he feels he really belongs well he better belong if a stranger woke me up this time in the morning iā give him a fat
Liquid you know we tried so hard to make him feel at home right I wonder if weāve slept somewhere well good night man night D now What Oh Jill come on youāre going outside B so I can get some shut ey tomorrow I got an early wash Day now come on get out Hey You lick my hand you sure I just licked yeah letās get out of here there idiot yeah letās Go You got us run away from our own dog yeah I guess it was all along you want to go back to the tent and sleep Iām not in the mood anymore letās go In He [Applause] Chip chip thereās something in the Attic oh come on Ary this the last time I play circus with you thereās something walking around up there boy that cornball he never knows when to stop maybe he wonāt stop till he gets fed and he eats people Ernie thatās not a lion itās
Robbie who ever heard of a lion in the house I didnāt until Now listen to that phony grow you sure itās Robbie yeah I recognize his voice thereās only one thing to do what weāll play along with his gag I know Robbie itās the only way to get him to stop CH maybe we better stay here I donāt care if Robbie stops
Or not I do Iām tired Look at him pretend to be asleep oh Robbie save us thereās a line in the house where where we heard him and he had a most fearsome gr didnāt he ER you guys are flipped you go back to bed and leave me alone hey Robbie gra for us again OU OU
Well Ernie this is a good lesson for you and Iām glad youāre learning it early so am I only Iām not so sure just what it is Iāve learned the way older brothers always being smart Al and playing crummy jokes but youāre my older brother too
Yeah but Iām not so old to be doing dumb things like that growling like a lion in the middle of the night next thing you know heāll be sting you on a snipe hunt Yeah Dad waake whatās where whatās wrong thereās a lion in the Attic thereās a thereās a what in the Attic a lion a oh oh yeah yeah Iāll tell you what you you take the thorn out of his pawn and Tomy about up the morning man itās true nobody believes me Ernie ER boy
Uh look Iām Iām glad you woke me up to tell me about this cuz thatās one of the good things about being part of a family I mean youāve got somebody to tell things to no matter what hour of the night it is I went up in that attic to
See what was making this noise and there behind a trunk was a lion Ernie tell me something seriously now what would a lion be doing up in our attic sleeping well we donāt want to disturb him do we Iāll tell you why first thing in the morning all of us your whole
Family will go up in the attic on a safari and then weāll blast through the lion or something and weāll put him in a cage okay uhoh no heās not going to catch you Iāll tell you why donāt you go in your room and climb in your own bed huh Iāll
Go out to the T and get chip chips and been there we called our safari off oh you did good d H donāt you think we ought to call the police or anyone like that oh you mean about the lion yeah oh I donāt think we want to disturb the
Police this time of night besides we want to save that expedition in the morning just for our family well old Chipperās really knocking it off huh and nothing bothers him You Ernie you know something it was a lucky day for me when you moved in here lucky for you yeah before you came uh well there were a lot of things wrong but uh you know what bothered me most the toothbrush holder you mean it was busted or something no but uh every
Morning when iā brush my teeth I Iād get the feeling there was something wrong you see for years there were four toothbrushes hanging there Mikeās Robbieās chips and mine oh and Mike took his with him when he got married yeah and every morning I had this
Feeling my cavities no I just had the feeling that uh well there was something missing but uh now youāre toothbrush is hanging there and everythingās fine Iām awful glad you let me move in dad but wouldnāt it been cheaper just to buy another toothbrush you know any I I thought of
That but uh well it wasnāt just the toothbrush things just didnāt seem quite right but as I say now youāre here and everythingās okay but you better get to sleep now huh yeah good night Ernie good night D donāt forget to take off your glasses Dam yeah I wonāt bother you
About that lineing again but you better keep your door closed I will good Night oh hi little trample boy all right not jumping in bed with me and no snoring okay good night oh come on on settle down boy oh all right all right that doesnāt all right you go downstairs sleep in your own B huh come on now youāre on downstairs come
On man tra youāre getting a little gamey weāre going to have to give you a bath TR Rob everybody shut the door get your R hey Dad that was a lion well thatās what I told you whatās he doing here he must have escaped from the circus or
Something oh heās in the bathroom dad all right look if we can uh if we can close the bathroom door into the Hall we got it yeah dad thereās a lion in the bathroom I thought we werenāt going to have the Safari till morning this is a real lion so the one
The add donāt suppose they could be the same one do you well I hope so back your heās the same one all right started to come up in the hall again huh weāve got to get to a phone or something but we can get Charlie to call from downstairs yeah thatās right
Charlie hey Uncle Charlie stop it tra Charlie hey Uncle Charlie gone to sleep with this radio on again I L this now letās check heās heās not out here in the hall he must still be in the bathroom no heās not in the bathroom Dad I just looked
But then he must be in your if we can get that door shle have him trapped letās go was he in there dad I donāt know I didnāt see him but he must be hello this is Sergeant Foley at Police Headquarters now donāt panic Iām warning everyone on your block thereās
An escape Lion in your vicinity hello hello what was he that he almost got me he was right in back and he the stairs what was the phone call well it was whatever what are we going to do I donāt know but we got to do something
Yeah hey youāre not going to hit him I mean not with that no no I I Iāll throw it up at the other end of the hall and when he goes after it Iāll run downstairs and make a call on that phone but Dad Lions donāt fet maybe heāll
Think itās a we got to try it good boy good boy go get Ser go get it now youāre right Robby doesnāt f bet you what now I donāt know but Iāve got to get to a phone Rob you stay here now Iām going to try to get past the Lion and
Get to the downstairs phone well good luck dad nice boy nice look itās a boy eat up the slipper eat it all up you can have the other One here boy here Raja come on boy time to go home here boy here Raja hey D whatās going on you mean youāve slept through all this slept through all what Iāll Iāll tell you about it something come Raja into the truck what do you mean running off like that you Liber you had me so worried come come now come come now come come come
Okay itās all clear now folks youāre a sure sir Iām sure Bo itās a good thing we got that phone call yeah oh I I didnāt make any phone call thought Iām a little kid named Ernie Ernie how did you make a phone call you
Were shot up in your room all the time no I wasnāt I she need down the dream pipe and went next door to phone I didnāt think youād mind dad thinking Ernie well they got him on the truck now good night Mr Doug good night officer and uh thanks very
Much well I guess Rogerās gone all right Bo what a relief why do I tell the kid to school Ernie why didnāt you tell us it was a real lion I tried to Dad well next time try harder say d now weāre going to have to think of some other
Father and son activities for tomorrow morning yeah well letās all get to B Huh huh if nobody bodyās asked you then then you could come with me yeah uh what I mean is if itās okay with you then itās okay with me if itās okay with you huh oh yeah oh yeah sure okay okay bye Nancy well is she going yeah but not
With me well itās no wonder Iāll lay off Mike thereās just something about this girl I donāt know what I do she doesnāt like you Robie you canāt let him intimidate you what here watch [Applause] Me now listen Jenny sweetheart Mike Douglas yeah in person I was hoping youād say that say Iāll tell you what why donāt you uh brush up on your Italian and you and I will go out and translate a few subtitles tonight fine fine oh and uh
Wear a scarf weāll put the top down to learn this he goes to college no no I didnāt get a convertible weāre going to take yours okay pick you up at eight ciao bisha no I donāt want to interrupt all this pasta bazoo but will you guys
Get washed up and ready for dinner no about how come so early because I got a red hot date with a peanuckle deck oh hi fellas hi hi Rob well howās the thrat tonight chip fine good hey Dad oh just a minute Rob Bob I have to meet a client
At the office about 8:00 you suppose we could have dinner a little early well I planned on it yes I got to be out here myself at 7:30 oh fine what was it Rob better I was wondering um uh you suppose I could are the car tonight well yeah
Iām sorry Rob you heard I had to meet a client tonight you got a big date or something no itās just a committee meeting for the dance oh who are you taking to the dance no one oh score at the end of the first inning Mike one
Redhead Robbie nothing how you take it you have a date tonight Mike not a date the date oh the redhead yeah well wait a minute whoās going to stay home and ship hey thatās right who is nobody has to stay home with me well I could cancel my
Peanuckle game I stay home alone Dad Iāll stay home with him now wait a minute fellas this doesnāt happen very often and as long as we all have something planned for tonight why donāt we just call a sitter good idea hey how about Jennyās sister sheās responsible
And she babysits good babysits what you going to do stick me in a crib and read me fairy tales Cher this is this is nothing personal itās just that youāre not quite old enough to stay home alone at night I know lots of guys to do well
Youāre not one of them might call Jenny sister okay and donāt forget to tell her that the babyās almost 10 years years Old hi chip hi DS you want to go to the park with me I canāt my motherās making me start violin lessons on Saturday how come cuz my father canāt stand listening to me play the piano you think thatās bad you know what we had in that house
Last night burglers no a clunky babysitter a babysitter for who for me guy chip how embarrassing yeah and she read me bedtime stories like Cinderella and that stuff youāre kidding heck I am she called me chipsy Iām no baby anymore going to the park you mean youāre going
To hang around with those big guys yeah well good luck boy and youāll need it chipsy donāt be like your violin lesson szy dumb dumb Everyone look what weāve got a little spy again Iām not spying you know what happens to little kids who buddying Hi whatās your name shorty chip Douglas oh SW Robbieās kid brother now go home and tell Robbie and everybody will know about our secret Club I will not I know this is a secret Club I donāt want to tell I want to join get him come back
When you grew up kid you guys arenāt so much bigger than me scram now wait a minute we could use someone to run errands you mean like a mascot yeah I fing have a kid around I want my brother it can be a mascot come on Casey we
Donāt need two little chicken kids around whoās that chicken I can do anything you guys can do try me to get into this club you have to pass a bravery test Chip heās too little no you donāt get it we have Caseyās brother fight ship and the winner is our mascot
Sure you want to do that kid Caseyās brotherās bigger than you if I win do I get to be a member and hang around with you guys yeah if you win okay then be here at 10:00 next satday one week from today now beat it wait do
You saw me swear you will never tell anybody about this bravery chest or by this club no matter what sure Casey sure Casey what sure Casey sir Iāll never tell I swear see you next Saturday chip yeah if he doesnāt chicken out Iāll be here no matter What he Rob 11 leave me alone 12 until Iām done 13 Robbie 14 hey shh I want to hear this Jenny Iāve been waiting for you for over an hour and a half we had a date today remember you tell them Jenny sweetheart hey Robbie I want all right
If thatās how you want it Hey I what could you show me how to fight oh could I you just find yourself an 18-year-old redhead hey Rob what could you show me how to fight what do you want to know well like how to fight for real like boxing no you
Better not try it youāre not in condition hey Jeff come into the kitchen Iāll show you will you go sure I will whatās the matter did you get into a beef with one of the kids at school no I just want to learn how just in case well now thatās
Good sense here watch this now get your dukes up now always protect yourself you know your left then your right thatās right you sure this is the right way certainly Iām sure this is the right way why I used to Pat around with Jack Dempsey Jack who Jack who Jack Dempsey
The old Manassa merer you never heard of him guys like Jack Dempsey Jess Willard Jack Johnson furo I donāt know where youāve been put your hand yeah stop protecting protect your old snola Here wait now swing at me wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute why youāre blazing hot let me see your throat open your mouth oh come on B open your mouth and do it holy Moses that throat is as raw as hamburger Iām going to send for the
Doctor get upstairs to bed doesnāt hurt much I donāt care whether it hurts or not get upstairs to bed thatās a bad throat boy I bet the Manassa mer didnāt have to go to bed every time he got a sore at the thr get out of here well tonsil are pretty bad against
You they have to come out oh weāll let the fever subside the rest of this week and do it next Saturday next Saturday huh sooner the better yeah you donāt suppose it Lads too young to you doc could we postpone it not this time well better go
You just tell me to be off school for a week next Saturday youāll see my Christmas sure I know the way on thanks D goodbye so on D Well well chipper Dr Nan says those old TSS are going to have to come out he must to do it next Saturday next Saturday yeah I canāt have my tonsils out then I just canāt now Chip donāt be frightened it wonāt be too bad after theyāre out
All you have to do is lie in bed for a few days and eat a lot of ice cream no dad and you wonāt have to go to school for at least another week I just canāt thatās all I just canāt my throat doesnāt even hurt honest Dad please not Saturday
Please take her easy [Applause] H Bubby scared to death yeah I know I heard him how are we going to handle this uh all poor little guy well we just have to work it out somewhere yeah hey sour push cheer up thatās all right you know uh sometimes it helps to
Talk well heck having your tonsils out is is no worse than uh than skinning your knee come on chip donāt you want to tell me whatās bugging you I just donāt want the operation this weekend I just want to be left Alone well I talk to him howād he sound to you Mike Dad we have a problem you think so huh definitely heās got an acute medical phobia wow he was better off at tonsilitis oh suy chip yeah I want to ask you something sure chip what is it well
Would you believe it if someone was supposed to do something to prove his Brave cin said he couldnāt do it when he was supposed to do it cuz he had to have his tonsils out heck no Iād say was chicken thatās what I figured bye bye chip what did he say
I bet Jenny know what to do she works for a pediatrician she sounds like a very bright girl oh yeah sheās great with kids she make a wonderful mother Iām going over and see her donāt worry about a thing dad weāll figure out something yeah I hope so well donāt wait up for
Me shouldā make a wonderful mother huh BB you donāt suppose heās thinking about getting married or anything what on his allowance you know it seems only a week or two ago I was a young man yep it sneaks up on you all of a sudden sometimes I wonder if I really
Understand my own Sons listen Nancy I know the reason youāre breaking the date with me is because you were never going in the first place thatās why yeah thatās so Bill told Chuck and Chuck told me you were just trying to make him jealous Bill said I was a pushover and
Maybe I am but Iām no yo-yo so if you want to play your games just go use some other guy anything I can do to help Rob no dad you wouldnāt understand understand I you wouldnāt understand well I understand because I keep score no thatās right whatās the score now bu
Mike one Robbie nothing good morning thank you well whereās the Thundering Herd the next hoof beats you hear will be those of your grandson Iām St morning bu whatās for breakfast oh been humble days great hi bub oh scrambled a Great somebody else can have the moon all I wantās a toaster that makes about a dozen pieces at once chip didnāt want any breakfast huh bub he said he wasnāt hungry dad I have an idea about chip I hope itās a good one he kept me awake
All all night last night he kept talking in his sleep classic tension manifestation besides that he had a lot of bad dreams saying things like Iām not scared and Iām no chicken honest you know I donāt understand it Chipās always been such a brave little guy about everything
This going to the hospital has him really Frightened thereās only one way to make chip feel secure sure call the whole thing off tell him exactly what to expect in the hospital give him all the details that sounds like a sensible thing to do Mike Jenny told me just what to say is it hard if I try it to
Breakfast sure anything thatāll Help and then they they get you into your pajamas and they put you in this nice comfortable bed do they read your Cinderella huh Iām not going Saturday thatās all and then the doctorās come in and they give you this shot yeah with this real long needle Robbie when they
Take you into the operating room and the first thing you see in there are these great big lights above you yeah thatās so they wonāt lose anything when they operate Robbie if you canāt say anything to help just keep quiet will you please nobodyās operating on me Saturday no way
Chip you wonāt feel a thing the doctors give you another shot so youāll go to sleep yeah well didnāt see that any was just going down go and get ready for church Mike I uh I think weād better try another approach well just let me finish
Telling them dad I donāt want to hear I donāt care what they do at any old hospital Iām not going please donāt make me go Dad all right Mike thatās enough I think Steve someone here to see you Iāll be right down bub let him alone Iām sorry if I kept you waiting
Steve this is Mrs aldrid Tommyās mother oh yes I know Tommy heās a fine big boy and you have an older son Casey I found out this morning that Casey and some of his friends have a secret Club well uh boys will do that yes but the school
Doesnāt allow it I know Tommy wanted to be their mascot so badly that he was going to fight a boy to get in a much smaller boy oh youāre chip chip is supposed to fight yes Saturday morning Saturday morning well I put an end to the whole
Thing well Iām Iām glad you did Mrs Al I just thought youād like to know well thanks very much for telling us Goodbye Mr Douglas Mr O Casey goodbye Al Iāll be darned how do you like that Bub I like it Mike chip wasnāt afraid to have his
Tonsils out on Saturday he wasnāt no he was just afraid he was going to miss getting a couple of black eyes what donāt worry about it Mike this is one problem I Understand hi Jer I uh I suppose the important thing about a secret Club is that it uh stays secret huh I suppose I mean if everybody told everybody about it it would be a secret club would it I guess not and when a fellow gives his word not to tell about
It then uh his lips are really sealed huh thatās right you know adults have clubs too chip I mean like Tommyās mother and I belong to one who called the worried parents of America Club what do you mean Dad Iām just trying to tell you chip that itās all
Clear for Saturday morning at the hospital all clear according to Mrs Al getting your tonsils out is the only event scheduled no kidding boy you know something dad Iām glad you found out before I got clobbered I am too Jim on Saturday morning at the hospital Iāll be right
There with you all the time I wonāt be scared dad youāll see oh I know you wonāt well if you like having some breakfast now why donāt I go down and get you some how about some ice cream ice cream guess you want to get in practice for
Next week huh yeah okay we talk About thanks a he Jin well thatās the way my luckās been running lately sure you fellas donāt want to go to the movies huh no thanks Dad thanks Iāll get it donāt forget Iām not home sorry wrong number oh hi hi you do you do you do she does well
Yeah well hang on a minute itās Nancy she says she respects me she wants to go to the dance with me after all and she wants me to come over tonight donāt do it go around Nancy Iām sorry but Iām staying home with my little brother tonight oh yeah okay be right over She Begg me whatās the score now about Robbie is one ahead Mike you sure you donāt want to change your mind and go to the movie no thanks Dad Iāll stay home with chip oh you donāt have to do that Mike chip can take care of himself right chip right Dad I get
It Mike Jenny what are you doing here Mike I I didnāt mean what I said on the phone this afternoon canāt we just forget it and go to the party that we planned please Mike oh okay but no more flying off the handle yes Mike okay just a minute oh thanks D
Trouble oh thank you oh Jenny Stewart this is my my father and my grandfather Mr oey how do you do hello Jenny pleased to meet you well so long nice meeting you have a good time well that does it game called tie score I think I think thatās
Right well chiver keep an eye on tra now weāll do Dad we wonāt be gone long take your time night good [Applause] night steeve yeah bu you think we ought to leave chip there all alone oh heāll be fine come on well I donāt know about running off to a movie and oh weāre not going to a movie where are we going weāre going for a ride in the car ride
In the car where well donāt place itās just back and forth in front of the house here for the next hour and a half I see well for a guy who doesnāt understand his kids very well youāre doing okay come on climb in bu weāve got a long trip ahead all right Look up in the sky itās a bird itās a plane itās not Superman itās my favorite martian stay tuned for two episodes of My Favorite Martian during this Twice As Nice morning on TV Land [Applause] all right you guys so you call it a workout I call it a relaxing session well well coach itās just that we Qui I want to hear from you Iāll ask you so this is the Brian High wrestling team well the chess team shows a lot
More fun wa whatās so funny uh nothing I just thought it was a joke sort of well itās no joke to me when my best men donāt know the difference between a hammerlock and Patty Cake Mr Wade oh hello Mr Dunham good afternoon I want to
See any of your boys on this list man somebodyās going to get it well Mr Dunham theyāre all on it what every one of them what is this list all those who have lost a match to mathematics Heās only a railroad manās daughter you could tell by the lines in her face R train doesnāt leave till nine anticipation chip anticipation did I tell you I got a letter from my friend Jerry Court telling me that Old Roy is back no whoās Old Roy well Ol Roy is
About the biggest smartest trout that ever swam in Turtle Creek how can you tell one trap from another well alloyās got a mean streak and little beady eyes way of stealing your bait and then laughing at you I never saw a laughing fish well you will when I bring Old Roy home all
Stuffed and mounted Jean weāre sure going to miss you and Iām sure going to miss you chip but I got to get away for a few days just so Iāll appreciate all of you more how come it never works for me sure it does uh-uh every summer I can
Hardly wait till vacation starts and it starts and pretty soon itās over then we have have to come back to school and thereās a teacher just as clunky as ever well you and I have a slightly different relationship wouldnāt you say yeah you canāt flunk
Me and I warn you it is within my power to flunk every boy on this list if your mathematics grades do not improve that is my last word and Iāll frunk every one of you in fizzard if you donāt show some fight against Jefferson High well coach now how are we supposed
To Bone up on mathematics I mean if we have to stay after school each afternoon and practice leverage well if somethingās got to go I suggest the afternoon sessions at the Mt Shop what are we all worried about all we got to do is get somebody to help us in math and stay here and work out made me miss dinner or something any other bright ideas hey wait a minute suppose we got each of our folks to put in a little bit
Of money for a tutor he could teach all of us in one hunk not me buddy I got a thing going where my folks think Iām getting straight A my dad finds out I need a tutor he takes the car back and if he takes the car back thatās the end
Of my engagement with Betty cuz sheās got some kind of defeatist philosophy about riding on buses isnāt it kind of hot in here suppose we got somebodyās father to help us with math a father who wouldnāt blab mineās always tired all the time my only in Cincinnati yeah
Listen my dad nearly got me flunked out of the fifth grade helping me with fractions once yeah but guess whose dad must be a Genus at math on account of heās an aeronautical Engineer well looks like I havenāt lost the old touch in this corner of bub Casey and in that corner o Roy now come on fighting uh bu yeah do you suppose itās okay if the wrestling team comes over for a few nights yes and bring the girls ballet
Squad along too really have a ball well the guys wonāt eat much theyāll be coming over after dinner thatās all right I suppos youāre under a tree and youāre looking for a pool where you know Old Roy is looking uh bu thereāll be eight of us all together
Itās all right still all right now you donāt want to get your line snagged in the tree so you just give it the old Sidewinder flip like that now BB donāt blow your top Iāll unhook it blow my top Iāve just landed all Roy that shotās
Mine boy all mine and nobody else is going to lay a worm on them Bob have you been listening to what Iāve been saying every word itās the wrestling team the guys you call clumsy Fatheads bring them over bring them over I tell you bring them over tonight and every night in the
Week because by 8:00 Iāll be on my way to the depot Hey Mike whereās Dad heās over at Mr wallers Iām going over and pick him up now oh good heās supposed to be here to tutor the wrestling team in math theyāll be here any minute does dad know about that well no not exactly I figured if he
Walked in on eight stupid wrestlers heād take pity dad isnāt going to take pity heās going to take flight I can think of more interesting things to do than be cooped up in here for an hour with 10 tons of solid beef hi Rob hi Char hi Iāll came over in
Kurtās car his was the only one with gas in my dad said itās sure as great of your dad to do this he wouldnāt do it even if the county paid him oh my dadās pretty good in math he say they were glad to help but first you guys got to learn
Japanese where do you wanted to sit Robbie how about the dining room okay his dad isnāt here and neither is mine oh well heāll be here in a minute my brother went to get him yeah but when he gets here we got to leave right away on account of we got to
Take bub down to the station you mean you got us all over here and your dad isnāt home I could have been goofing off well not take it easy you guys soon as my dad gets back from the station heāll give us the whole works and meanwhile uh we could uh goof
Off here boy donāt you fellas think itās hot in Here hi gang hi this looks like the beef trust hey going on the treatment okay yes I am and what a pleasure itāll be to look up in a tree and listen to a bird thatās not coughing what he so happy about I donāt know they keep saying how
Hot it is yeah must have uh clogged up pores or something open your mouth Iām all right donāt give me that Iām all right Jaz just open your mouth Charlie his name is Lloyd yeah but Bubba always calls everybody Charlie or Sam or Eggbert or something open up looks like somebody
Started a fire in a tunnel well whatās wrong with him well in my day weād call it quiny sore throat now they probably call it byus we better call Dr Miller okay bud open up Deion you sure itās not Quin he sore throat oh itās a sore throat all right
Iām afraid itās deia then one of you boys better go over and get his folks wait a minute Iām afraid you canāt do that sure he can heās got a car outside and they havenāt taken his license away lately youāre all quarantined quarantined you mean like they do with
Dogs quarantine went out with a lightning rod not entirely in this state we still quarantined for several diseases I better call Lloydās folks now wait a minute you can do it to them but not to me Iām a human being and Iām doe with the station Iām sorry boys go to
The hospital youāve all been exposed thereās nothing else I can Do how are they quarantine people well they put one human being in a cage with seven gorillas and one Chimpanzee 15s and theaters Everywhere this couple also available on CD ROM about to hurry Mike we havenāt got much time I figured heād be standing out here with his suitcase in his hand hey is the door locked yeah hey Dad come here all donāt come in or youāll catch it too love chip now what is this chip hey chip Robie B
Chip chip what is the meaning of this sign you want me to start at the beginning or just the junk one you canāt come in I want you to open this door I canāt Dr Miller wonāt let us Dr Miller whatās happened you want me to start at
The beginning D if you let him start from the beginning heāll go back to when he was born Iāll give you one minute to open this door I canāt thereās a quarantine going on a quarantine for what whereās bub heās reacting reacting to what to being stuck in the same house with
Robbieās wrestling team you better let him start from the beginning hi Robbie I want you to very quickly and very carefully tell me whatās going on here and if you take another bite of that cake before Iāve got the whole story youāre in big trouble Iāll begin
Okay Lloyd rasmon came over with the wrestling team tonight and he got de three and so now weāre all quarantined deia can I eat the cake now dad no you canāt eat it whereās Bob oh heās in his room you know how it gets when heās so
Sore he canāt talk heās probably lying on his bed giving the ceiling dirty looks here Dad can I eat the cake now yes you B bub bub the boys just told me about your being quarantined Iām sorry youāve had to postpone your trip I know how much
Youāve been looking forward to it look bub Mike and I will spend the night at a motel I guess we can still find a store open where we can get toothbrushes and anything we need so uh Iāll contact Dr Miller and ask them how long youāll be
Quarantined and then Iāll call you in the morning and see what supplies youāll need cuz youāre going to need plenty with his wrestling team in there donāt let it get you down bub after all itās just a wrestling team were a football team youād have 11 fellas not counting the substitutes
Bob Bob would you do something to let me know youāve heard what Iāve said please Bob Thatās better well Mike and I will be going now call you in the morning huh good night really so H yeah those are some of the saltiest light classes youāll ever see Like boy this is great no math no wrestling this feel good with soil sauce you know after breakfast I think Iām going to go upstairs and take myself a nice long nap me too Mr OK Casey wake me for the TV sports Roundup he went too
And Mr OK Casey if a girl named Barbara calls be sure and let me know will you he Charlie why donāt you eat your pancakes I got a stomach condition I canāt eat them when they Burns all right Keepers B must really be beat he didnāt even CLA her
Charlie come on got open up hey John and actually har about the only thing we need is girls now if there was just some way we could figure out the smuggle you chicks in here come on thereās no reason I canāt sh while you shade would you hold
On now if you guys would shut up Iām trying to talk to Harriet oh I didnāt know you talked to a well Iām talking to my girl not yours bust oh yeah yeah on break come on his thatās it break it up what you whatās the
Matter with you you get bub s and then you better watch out come on I give you two minutes and Iām coming through the door hello Harriet Iām trying to keep that line open will you s weāre expecting a call from Mr yeah sure sure Mr okay Harriet
What a blast really Iām sleeping in Mr Douglasās bedroom with Johnny and Bruce Kurt and Charlie are beted down in Mikeās room there all the food in the world and guess what we even have our own Chef isnāt that great Mr O Iāve got to have a larger towel this oneās for pygmies
[Applause] come Bobby can I talk you for a minute yeah sure Whatās wrong B yeah Iām worried the way he looks those big elephants push him around is he sick or something no I think heās just eating his heart out cuz he canāt get it alloy boy he sure must hate that fish I think he likes him Chip he respects oloy
And oloy respects him itās kind of like two Champion Fighters trying to beat each otherās brains out boy I wish youād slug one of those guys just once just to show Them was Robbieās grandfather I was talking to huh oh heās kind of a servant around Here hey B the mailman just left those postcard for you why is that miserable whatās wrong well Iāve been locked up with these hyenas Jerryās caught Old Roy Look hey me now you donāt have to worry about that clunky fish anymore worry why I was all set for the kill me against
Old Roy now heās gone and itās all their fault the big [Applause] Apes what do you want well how invited me to join the party so thatās what he thinks it is huh now get out of here before I lose my temper com in the back
Window now you get out of here Iāll spank the Daylights out of you gosh B I sure Iām glad to hear you yelling again I thought you were sick or something well I was in shock woring about Old Roy but now Iām clearing the deck for Action put that phone down you no you turn off a picture Mr oey didnāt I though now you go out in the kitchen and set the table who me yes you Sam you go out and help him come on and Big Daddy you vacu him this room stting
Now give me the phone goodbye Camille the slaves have risen you go R get upstairs and make up all the beds donāt sit there looking at me get out of just a minute Mr old Casey did you ever hear a Strangler Lewis well yeah well he showed me a couple of wrestling holes
That youāll never learn in high school and if you donāt get going Iāll put him in practice you heard me whatās happened to him he flip his skull or something heck no thatās the way he is all the time isnāt it neat boy ought to see him when heās really
Sore I know from now on youāll have less sack and more Study thatās our bub and that goes for you too get bus tomorrow at Sears from Scotch BR now you have to prove that the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides uh he says you have to prove the square of all that junk is equal to the square of all the other stuff exactly
What I said well anyway thatās where you goofed you guys have to keep talking all the time Iām trying to memorize a stupid poem first he constructs a right triangle and then he constructs a square on each of the sides first you construct a right triangle and then you construct
A square in each of the sides oh would you ask him whether you invert or what when youāre dividing fractions Dad how do you divide fractions you invert the divisor and then you multiply and tell Chip Iām surprised at him we went through all that with he was in the fourth grade
Well this isnāt for a chip exactly it was for one of the guys howās EDG coming up his right track well his name isnāt really Eggbert thatās just what bub calls him yeah and he better cut it out too old Damās on the phone with your English and history assignment EGT
Well I think that does it for today boys weāll see you at the same time tomorrow see you later D thanks Mr Douglas bye Mr Douglas long Steve look Iāve had it with you and your goofy grandfather you clean it Up come on Robie stop this stop this get up out of there get up you two are going to learn to live together if I have to beat your heads together now you go up and clean that tub the rest you sit down sit down I Said but right now theyāre fighting like tigers bub all you can do is try to hang out Iām sure it canāt be for much longer Lloydās out of the hospital and Dr Millerās waiting for the results of the other boyās test so Bubās about headed heās ready to take
On the whole rest wrestling team you ought to see our bathroom looks like a hurricane hit a swamp well bub Iām sure the boys donāt like being pinned up any more than you do but uh I guess maybe we ought to think of some way to calm him
Down a little huh Iāll tell you Iāll uh Iāll see if I canāt come up with something okay Steve I leave you with one word help and heās smiling hereās your ticket Bud put it right in your shirt pocket all right thanks now whereās my lunch right here
Bud and thereās enough there to feed the whole train crew whereās my fishing rod right here bub all right look bub weāve been standing here for 10 minutes letās go now my tickets I know I gave them to one of you n heads dad just put the
Tickets in their sh pocket thatās right Mike why donāt you go and get the car yes look B maybe they caught Old Roy but there are a lot of other crowd waiting in the Stream arenāt they now donāt hurry me out of here Steve till I find
Out Iāve got everything I want to be sure I feel kind of faint isnāt it kind of hot in here oh no not again not again I couldnāt stand it again you really donāt feel well CH you donāt have any fever I know what I had to do
Something or else heād miss his Train look up in the sky itās a bird itās a plane tell MC just had four B and Miss mcder said I can have one but first I got to ask you and tell you that her husbandās a poodle you can tell Mrs mcdermit that Iāve seen her husband and
He looks more to me like a beagle no Mr mcder tell and tell his husband can I have one of her puppies one little word no I bu it real meat and they smell brand new even what do I care how they smell smell brand new when we got
Him look at him now heās like one great big round ball of dirty Yarn yeah and no yeah but and donāt try bringing one of tarantulaās puppies over here to melt my heart cuz it wonāt work her name is Tarantella not tarantula okay BB well that was too easy and donāt have Mrs McDermot calling and working on your dad when I say no more animals I need no more animals yeah but where are we going to get a pig well Iāll give you one you fatten him up and weāll be partners on
The profit well how come well look Iām not trying to high pressure you guys you both keep saying how broke you are well farming is the only way I know how to make money well it sure looks like you make plenty of profit oh Iām 50/50 with
My dad on this Iām just trying to save up enough to haul myself through college boy wouldnāt it be great if we could build up one pig into a checking account well why not hey maybe you could even join our 4 AG Club do you have time to
Ride out to the farm yeah sure well letās go and thatās why Iām never going over to study fer house as long as CU I live or at least not this Afternoon hi B hi Mr hi hey do I hate to say it fellas but thatās the ugliest looking one I ever saw mud itās a genuine dck BR I donāt care if itās a nirale thatās a pig yeah what are you doing in the house with that animal oh
Itās not going to be in the house all the time Mr Casey weāre going to keep it in the backyard yeah whose backyard yours my motherās kind of peculiar about animals oh so itās Robbieās pig is this boy this is neater than him one of tarantellaās
Puppies now who you going to call S wait till he hears we got out there now listen Francis you get that Park CH out of here weāre keeping three pigs now and thatās enough youāre very welcome okay s Iāll be right over hi Dad look what we got
A pig yeah heās uh ours I presume well bubble just make it sound like itās dumb to have a pig around the house Dad and I also think itās dumb to keep giraffe in the house he and I are going into the pig business weāre going to fatten him
Up and make a lot of money oh SW do it yourself Stockyard well Rob the cityās hardly the place to raise a pig heās just a pig now dad but wait he a hog and George vanbus says that theyāre worth a lot of money Steve last month it was
Hamsters and before that field mice I know that Rob are you really serious about this project yeah Dad honest Hank and I are going to raise them in the backyard weāll build a pen for him and everything you know Dad it might not be
Too bad an idea I hear those 4 age kids do pretty well for themselves thanks Emily Iāll do something for you sometime Bobby youāve started projects before and youāve never finished one of them I donāt want that to happen again it wonāt Dad this is the beginning of a great
Family fortune now Eve donāt weaken itās up to Robbie I want his word that heāll accept full responsibility feed him properly give him the care he needs and not neglect him Iāll stick with this pig all the way Dad hey bet their laws about keeping the pig in the city no there are
Mr oy we already checked oh yeah well what about the noise remember that purple duck we bought for chip one Easter he had a mighty nasty quack well pigs donāt make any noise bu well they donāt huh how about that o weāll go along with Rob one more time you can
Keep the pay Rob thanks Dad well you fellas better go out and start building a pen for him huh okay come on Hank those are my sentiments [Applause] Exactly boy what a lucky Pig he never had it so good you know we canāt keep calling this pig pig we got to give it a name yeah something kind of fancy you know with the snob appeal Yeah you know most Pig groups have English names you know like Yorkshire Hampshire Tamworth how about the Shakespeare well my mother said that most of Shakespeare stuff is written by a fellow named bacon bacon now what could be a better Pig name not too corny hey how about Hamlet you get it
Pig h man H you donāt have to spell it out for me Robbie I got to see and basic comprehension you Know hey what are you doing Hank oh heās a pig is he heās got to have some mud to slop around in no George vanbus says thatās the oldfashioned way a pig would rather be clean oh okay I think we ought to feed him yeah letās get him some good
Garbage no the modern pig eats milk and lots of corn so do I come on letās go look in the refrigerator okay how you doing bu good afternoon Mr Roy what do you two pork husters want how about some milk are help yourself oh well weāll
Need about a gallon and Mr oy where do you keep your corn is this for that fat friend of yours outside well yeah but weāre going to eat some of it too give me that that pig is your problem but bub heās hungry thatās his problem we
Settled for some nice clean garbage Mr oey not one lean banana skin get out Pig Cowboys what we need is is some high class leftovers hey how about Bettyās house they ate pretty good over there yeah her mother set fires to pancakes and all kinds of fancy jazs yeah well letās go weāll be right back Hamlet youāll have a dinner fit for a Pig learn more ato.com Protected in the pressone zone Iāve more natural approach prevent gas with bino For good evening good evening officer is this the Douglas resident thatās right Iām Steven Douglas now we have a complaint a complaint about what well Mrs Carlson calls something about a pig pig Iāve been afraid of this weāre keeping one out in the backyard you mind
If I take a look at it sir well no no right around this Way There he is he is making a quite a bit of noise isnāt he sure heās hungry thereās no food no water when was the last time he was fed I donāt know officer my son is supposed to be taken care of heās a fine looking Tura I used to raise those when
I was a kid in the 4 Club back in Missouri hi Dad get arrested whatās going on here is the giant raided no but it looks like we have a genuine public nuisance on our hands chip when was the last time he was F at the big party this afternoon he had
Lots of good jums like what six or seven jelly beans in a chocolate bar with nuts and four or five Raisin hi hi Dad F hello officer whatās happening where have you been all day long Hank and I were over at Bettyās working on a feed deal what time did you go to Betty he left before the Pig party it started at 2:00 then youāve been gone over 7
Hours Iām sorry officer this wonāt happen again well youāll have to keep him quiet or get rid of him thereās no law against pigs but Iām sure you understand I understand good night good night itās the hamster story all over again I still say a couple of them got
Lost and or having kids in our Attic come on chip letās get out of here I think your dad wants to have a few words with Robbie I shouldnāt let Hank and Betty talk me into that barbecued steak huh Rob I think maybe youād better take the
Pck back tomorrow it wonāt happen again Dad honest heās going to eat a lot of food food costs money now how do you plan it but Hank can I work weāll support Hamlet until he can support us heās not a toy you all heās an animal and animals require care now if you
Arenāt old enough to live up your responsibilities Iām going to have to start treating you like I do chip Iāll start on at first thing in the morning Dad youāll start right now there must be something in the house he can eat tonight maybe some canned corn or some
Milk or some bread you you stay with him though until youāre sure heās not hungry anymore Okay sorry dinnerās so late tonight H how about some milk and some corn and some bread sounds pretty good might have some myself hold hold hold you know Robbie Iām losing more more fat than Hamletās gaining and I canāt afford it look I promised my dad would stick to it no
Matter what now come on Saw [Applause] Hey whatās the matter with you look Roba a Betty invited me over for the afternoon and well Iām going to go how about Hamlet yeah how about Hamlet look Rob uh how you I can buy out my share youāre kidding well heck weāre in the home stretch yeah I know but but Iām
Beat this Pigās wearing me out look you let me have a deal now and uh when you sell them you give me my share how do we know how much is your share Iāll leave that to you I mean you may be a lot of things Rob but youāre no
Crook well Hank are you sure you want out boy am I sure well so long amlet see you Around as right now your name is Hamlet Douglas he sure is a giant boy I bet you if he had horns he could beat up a rhinoceros canāt he sit up yet no he wants to but my dad said he canāt on account of his Center of gravityās in the wrong place you guys donāt make them
Nervous we werenāt we were just staying nice day about him how much does he weigh now Robbie well I donāt know for sure but Iād say for a Duro heās getting pretty close to Market way whatās that mean well it means he has about 20 lb of ham on him
And 500 strips of bacon and Iād say uh maybe 50 pork chops and a whole lot of sausages whatās he talking about I donāt know what are you talking about well I I mean itās about time that I sett them and get my money back you mean theyāre going to make Hamlet
Into bacon and pork chops and stuff well yeah where do you think that stuff comes from I mean they donāt have bacon bushes and pork chop trees you know why canāt we just keep them well well because we canāt thatās all but that isnāt the reason I fatten him
Up and quit looking at me like that you know something chip you got a brother thatās a Cannibal Dad we got trouble trouble what kind of trouble man chip is moving out moving out moving out of where out of the house I guess he wonāt stay under the same roof with Robbie oh he didnāt say it exactly that way but thatās what he means
I thought he was kind of down tonight thought maybe heās had another fight with suy or something dad you better do something about that goofy kid I was minding my own business day and all of a sudden he came up right behind me and hit me over the head with a Book whatās the matter with him itās about that pig Dad Dad I think you had a belt him one well chip uh what are you doing here now run away Dad Iām just moving to the attic dad tell them that Brothers arenāt supposed to go on hitting other brothers
On top of the head with books while theyāre studing like my chip Iād like an explanation of all this Iām waiting chip well Robbieās going to sell Hamlet and theyāre going to make them into bacon oh will you quit being such a little baby Robbie well Iād like to keep
Hamlet too but life is full of all kind of raw deals and you just got to get used to it besides Iām in partners with George vanbus and Hank what do you want me to do go run running to him and tell him my little kid brother wants to keep
A pig for a pet yeah well Iād rather have him than you would you fellas leave us alone but daddyās been bu shut the door sit up CH chip I guess in a way this is my fault I I should have told you why Robbie wanted to raise the
Pig chip certain animals are put on this Earth to well to sustain others thereās nothing wrong with it itās the way it was meant to be yeah sureās a RW Deal this ordinary looking bed is thr monitoring helps protect more Americans than any other security company from burglary fire flood even carbon monoxide call now and get the ADT burglary system installed from $99 plus up to 20% off your basic homeowners insurance get the power ADT well the pasta anytime new from Classico boy that sure has been in there a long enough time how would you like to have to explain at the chip yeah boy being her father should has some awful things connected with it I think the excitementās over for tonight Iām going to hit the sack good night good night man Catch on then well heās not too happy about it Rob but I guess he understands I think itās safe for you to go back in there good night and dad do you suppose itā be okay that we uh that we might keep Hamlet around here sort of like
well you know better than that Rob Hamlet had his Destiny right from the start youāre old enough to understand that yeah but Iām not old enough to like it neither am I Rob good night n itās the best looking City Pig Iāve ever seen yeah I I tried to take good
Care of him is really a be George yeah uh do you think that maybe thereās someplace on your farm where you could uh keep Hamlet I mean uh suppose I gave up my percentage well then do you think you could just well keep him what for well maybe you could showw him off
Because heās a city pig that doesnāt make much sense yeah I know Iām really proud of you Robbie hey I tell you what weāre going to do with your pig weāre let him in a swine show swine Show all Right they looking hog here today I this wa out ladies and gentlemen These Fine hog friends represent long and dedicated effort on the part of the youthful farmers of our state 4 Club third prize ribon goes to Queen Chelsea th read by Harry jennis of South
AC Farms har thatās a real good looking Hamp you got there congrat good second prize ribbon Mr Magnificent owned by rap Harrington of marcelis matters thatās a goodl looking Chester White you got there ref congratulations right over [Applause] this down this way yes sir a place P ENT
King Con a Poland China rais Glenn Conrad of the Conrad Farms I want to congratulate you Glen you brought in a real bad donāt feel bad H we did our best and thatās what counts right down this way folks come on down here folks right now a little close in here come
On for the first time in the history of the swine show we have a do rock raised in the City by this young man right here Robert Douglas now Mr George vanus told us all the trouble he went through and how he dug dishes for money to buy corn and not
To mention the hundreds of cartons of skim milk he purchased at the supermarket but the commit decided to present a special award to Robert Douglas for raising a peak the hard way does that mean they wonāt make hamlet in the bacon sure price Pig like Hamlet could get married and live to a
Ripe old [Applause] [Applause] age Stay tuned for another episode of My Three Sons as this Twice As Nice morning continues here on TV Land a
source
Fal$e Profit$: pope passes, td jakes resigns