I was a nihilist you know I love Sid Vicious the The Sex Pistols guy he was dead at 21 that was my dream come true that was it and and it nearly happened the nature of addiction took me from being an elite level athlete representing the UK in in athletics to
You know some terrible situations uh very frightening scenarios uh with people that was you know very very scary broken bones accident an emergency like I said a lot of Tears a lot of blood a lot of sadness and a lot of Shame that’s what addiction did to me a mom doesn’t
Like to see a son come back all beaten and bloody addiction is a selfish thing it’s all about me what can I get out of this whether it’s you know more video games forget the world out there you know just make me feel good it’s a very
Selfish thing I’ve grown into being the man that I always wished I could be in many areas not just on on the on the Vaper but up here and in my heart as well Tony welcome to game quitters hi Cam pleased to be here thanks for asking
Me what was the first video game that you played first video game I played it would have been Atari VCS Pac-Man Space Invaders Frogger hard to say which one would have been 1980 81 something like that classics classics so we grew up on those uh all the way from Atari all the
Way up and uh never really looked back and nowadays it would be Doom if you were looking to play Doom Eternal is the first 3D game I’ve played in a very long time I’m I still collect the old classic arcade machines I’ve recently bought uh a Tito Egret too but uh purely for
Aesthetics I don’t play at all really I just like to see those old machines see them running but no I don’t play them anymore so we originally got connected we’re sitting here right now because at one point I did a podcast and this view was in my background correct and you had
Kind of noticed it and you knew one thing somehow I ended up on your channel on YouTube the algorithm gave it to me I don’t know why and I was sitting watching it and I watched many of your videos I got hooked on on on the end
Where you’d say watch this one watch this one and no disrespect I was was I was listening to what you were saying but I was also looking out the window and I could see this beautiful backdrop and I thought I know that that’s kosui and I know kosamu very well because I
Live here and shortly after I found out that you live here also and uh there was a lot more in common between us than what we perhaps first thought so we were actually at a Muay Thai fight our friend Andrew was fighting and mutual friend I
Guess we were both there to support them we didn’t know each other and then you and your girlfriend approached me saying I think are you Cam correct well actually she recognized you first she said there’s the YouTube guy and you know I come up and and politely asked
But yes we were there for the same reason we was there as older guys to show a bit of support for the younger guys and I think that really is the critical thing about how our friendship began and I think that’s probably an interesting segue for us it was really like the
Connection around recovery correct for me it was gaming for you as alcohol where that was really causing a lot of problems in our life and then overcoming that and really moving forward the common ground that we have between us is that recovery is a process based on something you know something which can
Apply to a broad spectrum of behaviors it can apply to uh whether it’s video games whether it’s alcohol whether it’s something else it’s the addiction has a lot of similarities and therefore the recovery also has a lot of similarities too and what I would was impressed with
Was you was bringing recovery to perhaps a modern crowd in a way that I hadn’t seen before I certainly was not familiar with a recovery process on YouTube that was completely unknown to me yet I’m very I’m hugely familiar with recovery in more traditional ways um I gave up
Alcohol at 22 I’m 45 so 22 years off alcohol and so I’m familiar with that recovery process but I’m always intrigued by how recovery can be given and um made attractive to the Next Generation and what would you say are some of those key recovery principles
For you that you live your life by now well I tell you one of the most important ones at the start when I was 22 I wanted recovery I’d wanted it for a long time we’ll go back to how I got to that point but i’ wanted recovery for a
Very long time and I was fortunate enough to be living in central London and in central London there was a lot of interesting people well-dressed people people that didn’t seem to fit into a stereotype that had in my mind a perception of what someone that was suffering with addiction could look like
Right so I I I plugged into these people I was introduced through a lucky acquaintance really he said come and meet these people come and listen to what they’ve got to say and I was drawn into improving my life through attraction rather than promotion that was really the key that unlocked a whole
New life for me what do you mean by attraction well attraction rather than promotion means um we used to have an expression which was called seem to be sober and what that means is if you look like you’re living well maybe your lifestyle looks somewhat admirable I’m not talking about being a
Breard here I’m talking about having uh a home which is not you know full of tears broken promises broken hearts broken Cutlery broken windows it’s not full of that stuff it’s it seems to be a life that has some kind of meaning it seems to have some stability that’s attractive to me it
Wasn’t until much later when you know that kind of Instagram Flex lifestyle came into it that’s that’s a much later arrival but for me it was a sense of well-being inside the home and seeing people that was living a life which I somewhat aspired to even if I didn’t
Indirectly copy I wanted to be like these older slightly older guys that I was getting the opportunity to knock around with and so if we were to look at your life now okay compared to your life when you were in I like to say kind of active
Addiction right so when when you were in the midst of addiction okay and your life now okay well in a nutshell I mean it’s a long story and I could wax lyrical about misadventure after misadventure and you know stupid incidents but the nature of addiction took me from being an elite level
Athlete representing the UK in in athletics to you know some terrible situations in in in in London uh very frightening scenarios uh with people that was you know very very scary um broken bones accident in emergency um like I said a lot of Tears
A lot of blood a lot of sadness and a lot of Shame actually that’s what addiction did to me um I wasn’t in the throws of it every day but when it kicked in man it was terrible it was terrible and now not broken bones blood no no no
That’s why we go to the boxing we let the Next Generation do that in a controlled environment in a healthy way so so no um it’s a long process actually addiction my understanding of it whether it’s through video games whether it’s through something else or whether it’s through a changing nature of addiction
You know it can shift from one area to another we used to call it like whack-a-mole remember that game whack-a-mole they pop up and you whack them down and then it would come up somewhere else that is a good metaphor for addiction and so you’d kind of get it
Under control in this area and then it would manifest in like mad shopping or mad relationships or you know crazy things going on behaviors in the clubs and things like that so it’s always kind of popping up now recovery is a slow and steady process where you get some kind
Of clarity on this world this this mad underworld that you found yourself yourself in and you get the the chance to make clear decisions to move away it’s a very active process because you can’t get all this in one goal it’s a very gradual process which gently leads
You from the darkness to the light and one of the ideas you know that we’ we’ve talked about a bunch and something that’s really been inspired by you to me is around the idea of not breaking promises being a person of Integrity doing what you say and and really being
Truthful and honest and transparent yeah correct I mean honesty is always a work in progress and there’s there’s you can go to a granular level but in terms of not breaking your word I think that’s critical you know I’ve even I’ve promised someone something and even later when perhaps it’s not the very
Best idea it’s not a stupid idea but not the very best I still followed through with that just to let that other person know that you know if [ __ ] really hits the fan then they can count on me and sometimes that does happen in life you know sometimes the young guys don’t
Realize that no matter how well you play every hand that you’re dealt sometimes problems do come sometimes you know the world does not go how we want and pain is inevitable in this life loss and suffering is inevitable in this life but if you’re that kind of person that says
I’m going to solve this I’m going to find a way through this I’m going to find a way to help you through this scenario and you’ve already won that person’s trust that man’s trust by doing these small things that you said you would over a period of time then they
Know that they can count on you and that’s how you form not so much a friendship not so much a network but more of a Brotherhood or a fraternity and I think that’s what we we were working towards independently of each other when we bumped into each other at
That boxing match exactly I I think when I think about you Tony I think about a friend a mentor someone who has a bit more experience than me in certain areas and is someone I can definitely rely on for kind of the wisdom I need in in
Moments that uh you have experienced in correct but it’s a two-way street it’s always a two-way street so okay so maybe I’ve got a few years I got a few more gray hairs than you can but in terms of you know succeeding in life I might work
Really hard but you might work smart so I can learn a hell of a lot from that and uh you know it is a two-way street even you mentioned mentorship we used to call it sponsorship rather than mentorship this is a a new term relatively new term to me but
Sponsorship and the sponsor would kind of guide the younger guy through some some steps or some processes but it is a two-way street and even when I’ve been working with younger guys just like like you say just how do you deal with this kind of scenario how do you deal with
That kind of scenario they think they’re learning from me but in reality actually I’m probably taking more from them in terms of seeing a world through their eyes in terms of learning how the Next Generation looks and what’s critical about that is addiction is a selfish
Thing it’s all about me what can I get out of this what can I put into me to make myself feel better whether it’s you know know more video games forget the world out there you know just make me feel good it’s a very selfish thing and that’s why service mentorship sponsorship Fellowship
Brotherhood trust reliability these are very very valuable personality traits that we can cultivate but by staying alive that’s the critical Thing by Staying Alive by staying true to a process we get the chance to you know to really show these things in the world and let me just say with a
Backdrop like this you know it’s almost like living in a movie Sometimes I’m sure you’ve you’ve recognized that in your own life oh I wake up every day and I look outside and I think the world reflects a lot of beauty and that definitely you know I’ve living in this home I’ve had
Ups and downs I’ve had a lot of dark days at times but when I look outside and I see what the beauty reflects I think it definitely acts as an anchor to keep me in a generally positive head space because you know I don’t see a lot of
Problems when I look outside but certainly problems do exist in life MH you haven’t seen the TV series peeky blinders I I’ve seen like one it seems popular so I’ve watched like half of the first episode if you get the chance watch it and watch it because it’s a
Great story it’s some great acting but the reason why I was hooked was it’s set in in a town called Birmingham and within that is set in a place called small Heath well I grew up in a factory in small Heath my father had a a Print
Factory in small Heath and it’s not quite as grimy as it looks on on the TV show pey blinders but it is grimy and it is you know it’s it’s sort of underprivileged in some ways and with a backdrop like that you you end up meeting negative people that’s what I
Found um and it did take a a kind of geographical shift to to Central London to be able to meet people living different Lifestyles to break me out of that that mindset that everyone behaves in these kind of ways when in reality that’s not the truth at all so changing
Your environment changed the people you’re around and start to change your perspective yeah the addict will say change your environment and it’s they’re running away from things but I say have a healthy curiosity about this world I say if you’re running away from problems you’re going to find that you bring
Yourself to that next location but I say keep an open mind keep curious about the world I’m not a smart guy but I’m curious guy I’m curious about many many things I’m enthusiastic to learn and so for example I moved to London I met these guys from Hong Kong they were
Really high Achievers they were fiends when it come to working and they were they were getting results and I was looking at them and thinking my friends you know wrecked and ruined after the a session on the weekend all weekend we’d be partying compared to these guys from
Hong Kong who were doing Gallery shows and you know fashion labels they you know and still doing 12 hours College work every day they were they were really high Achievers and it and they’d go out for food together and you know there’d be no Madness or chaos and it
Really inspired me to look to different sorts of people places and things was that the shift for you was starting to see a new environment or what was the shift that went from I’m in addiction having a lot of these negative effects occurring in my life to ultimately
Starting to move you know maybe a growth mindset right starting to move forward in your life in a way where over time things have kind of continued to get better and better well long story short I would say it was self-reliance because I left home at 20 years old moved to
London knew nothing about the place I knew that I needed to be there this is like 1999 right had to be in this city by the time I got to this house I didn’t realized I didn’t know how to look after myself and all I knew was was
Parties clubs bars shabin off licenses I didn’t know nothing nothing and man I got I got I got my ass handed to me multiple times so the nature of addiction is you can’t stop right so you you have the Insight long before you can you can sort of make that
Clear cut between in addiction and somewhat outside of addiction so it’s it’s it’s Shades of Gray but I would say the fact that I had to survive I did yeah I have family right I have family but other family members was is also affected by my
Behavior you know my mom doesn’t like to see a mom doesn’t like to see her son come back all beaten and bloody and glass in in a you know she doesn’t need to see that that’s very damaging so I knew that if I was to stay alive not through alcohol poisoning but
Through the madness being run over after walking out the pub or being robbed stabbed possible anything’s possible I knew that I had to do something and here’s the thing 21st birthday I was in a club in Sheffield met a guy I had no respect for No One trusted no
One and I met a guy who I connected with don’t know why Sean and I said to him you’re like the brother I never had and so anyway we spent a couple of year we spent I don’t know whether it was a year maybe partying drinking and then he
Disappeared came back sober and he was the only guy that I could have connected with he said tone you know I rang him up I’d been fighting in the in three nightclubs in the night before I said Sean I’m finished now he said let’s go and he was the only person that could
Have got through to me at that time so it’s strange it’s it’s like a call it coincidence but I call it meaningful instances synchronicity if you like and I really believe in that I have a lot of trust in that process and this comes back to an idea we were talking about
Before before we kind of hit record which was the idea of you don’t have to believe in something specific but you have to believe in in something yeah I think it’s critical to believe in something right you can call it whatever you want but for me I was a nihilist you
Know I love Sid Vicious the The Sex Pistols guy he was dead at 21 that was my dream come true that was it and and it nearly happened actually at 22 I realized it was it was it was a load of bollocks right so I believed in nothing
So to be suggested to believe in something something more powerful than myself well I was very very skinny as you know you’ve seen photographs was ridiculously skinny even I wanted to be strong and to believe in myself as the highest Authority that’s a ridiculous idea God help the rest of the world if
I’m the highest Authority so actually it was a kind of relief um you know I believed in something I had a very fun upbringing with my grandmother you know it was never pushed down my throat nothing was ever pushed down my throat and I was interested in things like
Timothy ly Terrence McKenna all these kind of 60 count 60s counterculture guys who was talking about some kind of like colorful spirituality whatever you want to do however you want to say that and so that was my access point and over the years I expanded on that and I have a a
Kind of robust um belief system which holds strong through you know a lot of stuff a lot of stuff in that camp I want to go back to that mindset of when you were in that nihilism because I feel like there are so many people who are
Going to be watching this video who are currently in Shades of Gray around that idea do you know I’ve recently been reading a lot of black pill stuff trying to understand their nihilism and and I’m reading it and I’m reading these statistics and arguments and counterarguments about why the world is
Like this and why the world is like that and therefore we shouldn’t try and rise above that when I was growing up we didn’t have the internet right so we would have uh tapes by Black Flag and they’d have songs like rise above you know no matter what happens we just rise
Above and and the guy that was singing at Henry Rollins a huge influence inspiration to me I think now the nihilism is in a softer kind of way we were like let’s go out in a blaze of glory drive a motorcycle into a tree or something stupid like that and now I
Think the Doomer guys that I know I know I know one guy he was a a DOA player very high ranking guy I know him I know him face to face he is lost he sent me a photo of the chair he’d been sat in young guy he’d been sat in this chair
For a summer or two I don’t know and the chair was indented with his assk and there was nothing around this chair no pile of books he was he was into reading he’d been playing games he’d lost himself inside this this sort of somewhat comfy room and I think that’s
The difference the new generation maybe have softer edges on their nihilism which perhaps makes it all the more Insidious you know if you see someone and they they’re they’re acting way out the misbehaving in public and they’re fighting and scrapping in in the street you can see they got problem but behind
Lace curtains in the in the hidden secrets of their mom’s house all kinds of horribleness can happen and and the real horribl is is is going on in here and it’s it goes unspoken and I think that’s the danger that the the the new generation are really facing that so
Tell us about the nihilistic mindset if you take us back I mean you can speak to yourself or you can speak to the young men that you’re working with when you’re in that nihilism what sort of thoughts are you having what sort of beliefs are
You developing I used to live by a by a simple slogan and and there was there was a slogan that said live fast Die Young leave a beautiful corpse but as that went down the hole further and further it was it was shortened to die
When you die I mean how crazy is that die when you die a guy called GiGi Allen real nasty nasty guy he was the darkest of dark and we used to listen to his records and they were horrible GG Allen if you want to know his story watch the film The Joker the
Director of that film did his documentary about GG Allen GG Allen died halfway through the documentary but certain traits of that personality are in that film Joker and I’m getting the Shivers just telling you this that horribleness that the new generation relate to that sadness that self-hatred
And trying to kind of glamorize it that’s probably the best way that I could think of trying to connect with that nihilism that sense of pointlessness and and trying to make a a make a a perk out of it it’s nasty when you when you step away from it but when
You’re in the midst of it it’s very romantic it’s it’s nasty you know when you think when you’re in the midst of it you don’t see it from any other perspective it was my girlfriend she said to me she said ton every time you go out and you get drunk bad things
Happen and I wasn’t able really to piece that together because uh I was in the midst of it but she was right and so she had to see me for what I was at that time you know and that was just the final nail in the coffin of
That life and and from that day I said as I’d said before I said that’s it we finished with this and and you know that was was the end of it the mindset I hear a lot from a lot of the youngers I work with the gamers who are kind of stuck in
Their room gaming all day not really working not really moving forward is well life sucks we’re all going to die why don’t I just have fun and play video games with the time I have well you know um that slogan has somewhat evolved to enjoy the decline I think that right I
Think enjoy the decline maybe these Doomer guys maybe they’re correct but nevertheless nevertheless at that final that final moment where they decide to commit to a life of mediocrity at best I think no enjoy this even if the world was to end tomorrow let’s enjoy ourselves as best
We can as long as we’re not causing Mayhem to other people let’s try and bring something beneficial and positive into this life and to turn all the crummy stuff that I just described into a strength you know when we talk about the Next Generation a lot of them don’t
Drink alcohol but they do get caught up on dopamine they get caught up on social media they get caught up on uh hookup culture I’m able to share some of my strength my experience and my hope of recovery and they they buy into it because they understand that I’ve been
Down there on a on a somewhat comparable level to them so would I wish to change the past no no but only because I have risen above it so far beyond where I thought was possible and what’s possible for a guy like me that um I feel somewhat armor plated
These days and the change ultimately happened in your values because what you’re describing is that why not enjoy the decline why not enjoy this amazing view we have or the nature or riding the motorcycle or going to support a Budd who’s in a Muay Thai fight there’s a
Value change there because when you’re in this live Hard Die fast Die Young sort of mentality that’s all selfish I just want to kind of like only FOC focus on myself rather than focus on the impact that I can make or the positivity I can bring to the world so how how do
You manage to change those values because I I know people watching this who are stuck in that mindset for them they’re they’re so stuck in just that blur of themselves and and their own selfishness the idea of go be positive go make an impact for other people go
Enjoy something outside of this bedroom and this computer screen I’m looking at to them is it’s like why would I even care about that there’s a number of things you said there the first one you said how do you do this and we used an acronym how h w honesty open-mindedness and willingness
Those are the three touchstones of recovery honesty open-mindedness and willingness and before that my friend Sean asked me one question he said ton and he looked me cold in the eyes he said ton are you willing to go to any length for this huh you think about that before you
Answer but do answer because if you say yes and you feel like the kind of man that has the potential of living up to the his word like what we just described and you say yes I’m willing to go to any lens for this now the doors are wide
Open it might not make sense for a while it might feel crooked and weird and and bizarre integrating these new behaviors and processes into your life it might feel very strange for a while but over a period of time as you see the results we
We talk with results not theory in in in the way that I approach the world it’s all about results then you know one thing leads to another it’s snowballs it’s like stacking money in the bank you know because here’s something that’s important to know about addiction from my
Perspective I believe that addiction is inside of me and I believe that it’s doing press UPS in the shadows inside of me right so I have to keep improving my recovery in order to stay one step ahead of this thing which will lead me astray
And Lead me you know down the wrong path so I have to keep improving myself you know a rampant dedication to militant self-improvement I would say and that’s how you stay one step ahead of this thing so Sean asked you are you willing to do anything to get this are you
Willing to go to any length for this that’s a cold stat what was this what was that Target what was that direction that you were pursuing if he’d have told me 22 two years ago that I’d still be looking for improvements small gains you know improving my level of honesty
Improving what I can do to be of service to others I couldn’t comprehend it I was 22 years old at the time right but he he he he said okay you’ve made this commitment but you only need to make this commitment until you go to bed
Tonight when you wake up in the morning you can make that commitment again so we broke it down into little bite-sized pieces and the days turn into weeks the weeks turn into beautiful months and the months turn into beautiful years I know for me like the big change was
Ultimately that commitment of if I wasn’t going to end my life then I was going to do the complete opposite which was to truly try to live my life to the fullest and realize my potential and kind of this idea of like what would it look like for me to
Actually go as far as I could possibly go and in the case that it was successful at the time I didn’t really know what that meant practically but in the event that I was actually able to do it then I might as well start today
Because then I can see just how far I can go when you first told me that you flipped that that that you know that very scary scenario that you’ve described on your channel a couple of times I think that very powerful final thinking and you turn that around 100
180° and you took the same kind of All or Nothing black and white approach from this is the end to let’s see see what’s possible within the parameters of this enormous beautiful game called reality you know I understood that let’s do it all or nothing let’s just flip the coin
And let’s see what we can get out of this you know again that sounds selfish but what can we be part of in this in this world and you know our paths have crossed I’ve been on the road I’ve been traveling I left England in 2012 and our
Paths have crossed on this kind of digital Nomad circuit around southeast Asia and Europe as well on a number of occasions are intellectual paths have crossed on forums blogs books posts so it doesn’t surprise me that we end up in the same place at the same time at this
Moment talking about these kind of things again that’s synchronicity and it’s a way of living and just ironically you know I just noticed this I’m wearing black you’re wearing white you got the white hair to go along with it too and it acts is such a great contrast right because really what you
Know we’re looking at is this different between going all in on the darkness or going all in on the light and ultimately you know one of the ideas was take it one day at a time for me it was just if I was going to spend my time my energy
My emotion my focus on one then why not pick the one that maybe is a bit more likely to lead to feeling good feeling happy being able to see others around me be impacted rather than self-destruct and I didn’t really know if that would be successful but I had already tried
The darkness I had already tried to spend all my time all my energy all my focus on destroying my life and had done that to a pretty successful degree but I also was anxious depressed I didn’t feel happy I didn’t wake up every day excited those were just the emotions I was used
To so why not try the opposite or why not just try something different and see if it ends up with a different outcome and that was the starting point for me now something I think that’s really important for people is to to choose a direction at the time I didn’t really
Know what goals I had I didn’t I certainly didn’t know that all these years later I would be living in a place like this or having a conversation with you I I didn’t know i’ have have a channel I I had no idea about any of
This at the time the only thing I really knew was I wanted to learn how to make friends and be able to connect with people and not feel so lonely and feel so other control in my social life and so that’s the direction I start with how
Do I make friends how do I connect with people how do I go on dates that was the initial starting point and then that’s led to I want to work for myself I want to live outside my parents house I want to be able to travel I want to be able
To work on my laptop it’s all grown from there but the initial Direction was just I don’t want to be so lonely I want to make some friends and be in more control of that myself I think the addict the active addict experiences a loneliness a loneliness like no other I think there’s
There’s such a chm of emptiness inside which the addict tries to fill with gaming with you know substance or you know some kind of activity or behavior that the network the fellowship the Brotherhood the friendships are an intrinsic part of that because when we talk one to
One we might just happen to say something that just just helps that man or it reveals something that we’re we’re struggling with some issue that we’re struggling with but can’t kind of make that small mouth noise to or or feel comfortable to communicate even though you know we’re good friends it might
Just come out inadvertently and that might trigger something because trapped behind you know the walls of your bedroom you’re left with this and this is where the problem is centered in the mind addiction is centered right here so it’s very difficult to use that same thing to solve the
Problem like that but here’s the blessing here’s the blessing now if you have some kind of addiction and you can harness it in some way it is the turbocharger on life normal people cannot access this kind of like like you know that film Fast and Furious NOS you
Know when they they hit the NOS button right and they just get that extra boost to make the jump or whatever it is that’s what addiction is when it’s harnessed that’s what addiction could be like so you set your goal to to you know
To live in a in a in a beautiful place beautiful girlfriend you know you set you set your mind on this with the addiction harnessed you can sort of tunnel vision everything inconsequential and you can go Full Tilt to that I mean watch David Goggins I’m not you know I’m
Not calling anyone an addict I won’t call anyone an addict that’s some that’s a very personal thing that that person has to say for themselves but look at that man he’s un stoppable he’s ruthless to get what he desires and that’s the flip side of addiction you know it’s not
All bad news it can be the greatest thing that ever happened to a man it’s about how you harness it if you can harness it it it’s about being able to nurture it in the right direction point it in the right direction and be able to have that like addiction is destroying
Your life while a lot of the same traits behaviors mindsets if directed in the right direction can actually really enhance your life in beautiful ways it it gives you that that extra 5% which normal people don’t have access to think of all the great athletes when they all
The sports stars when they finish their their career in in the sports game they go off the rails you know because they have this thing inside them I’m thinking of Conor McGregor I’m not saying he’s you know he’s got any addiction thing I’m not saying that but you know he’s
Looking at parties he’s looking at bars he’s maybe slowing his words you know I I pray that he’s all good and and gets back in the ring with the the Charisma and the the breio that he’s displayed in the past being able to nurture that Focus requires you to have boundaries in
Your life that don’t lead down the destructive path for you one of the boundaries you have is around social media correct yeah you know I have I have very good experiences on Facebook when it first started I met all these phenomenal people all over Europe I connected with all these
Different people uh worked on different fashion magazines and met a girl who eventually became my wife in Slovakia now how does a guy from Birmingham meet a girl in Bratislava I didn’t even know it where that was at the time but nevertheless Facebook gave me that connection but very quickly I
Realized you know I wasn’t drinking so I was very Sensi I was very attuned to my own body and my own kind of the way my I was being pulled in different directions and what I realized was although I couldn’t articulate it at the time was there was something about that platform
That was encouraging me to to take thousands of photographs on the weekend go to all these places these parties I wasn’t drinking be in mind but I was going back to the parties I was you know presenting a certain lifestyle and I was looking at other people’s Lifestyles and
Thinking oh wouldn’t it be nice to do that I should be here I could be here I would have this and it was tweaking me it was tweaking me very very much and an Instagram sort of took that to the next level so I shut all that stuff down once
I started traveling you know kind of weird when you go away to shut down all your social media but I realized it was it was affecting me in a way that I didn’t like I still use WhatsApp I like WhatsApp I keep in touch with everyone
On WhatsApp and telegram I love it but I don’t have followers I don’t have any of that stuff because there’s something about it as you well know and have articulated very well yourself the dopamine affects me greatly what is it about the dopamine that you notice that
You need to kind of keep limits around well this goes back to the gaming I was always like playing Kung Fu Master playing Street Fighter Champion Edition you know got to have one more game one more game one more game got to have it didn’t know it was dopamin at the time
Didn’t know it was that addiction thing Facebook got to keep scrolling got to keep scrolling got to keep posting got to keep looking thinking thinking thinking and it’s almost like you eat too many donuts you feel at the end of the session like what the hell just happened here you’ve got nothing
Beneficial out of it and you’ve got this kind of sugary Rush which just doesn’t feel that great and you’re wondering what’s going on it goes back to I used to play Fruit machines put the money in couldn’t stop putting money in same thing so by that point I realized if
Something is affecting you negatively walk away from it regardless if it’s a relationship a behavior just put it down leave it behind and I think that was an incredibly valuable thing to do you’ve also talked now about how it’s affecting you physically how have you developed that ability to be more physically
Present I didn’t have a lot of choice actually I was physically I was somewhat limited so I spent a lot of time many years actually studying books and one book which was instrumental in fact I read it every day for several years was uh a very popular book called The Power of
Now by eart Toler I read it every day man I I wore that book The Spine underlining Post-it notes everything and essentially it just says if you’re thinking and you become aware of the Thinker inside your own skull what’s going on here are You The Thinker Are
You The Watcher of The Thinker and I practiced meditation I practiced that I’m going to say religiously I practiced meditation on a daily basis for a very very long period of time and I became attuned to that sensitivity of the dialogue going on up here so when it
Goes off on a mad one he said she said could have would have I’m able to nip it in the bud very quickly it’s a good start Point anyway and one of the fundamental differences you’re talking about is using the tool instead of consuming the tool there’s the whole
Reddit channels about that Meme about consume next product and we get excited for next product or something like that and you don’t want to be a consumer you know there’s all those kind of memes which which really hone in on the point that it’s much much better to be a
Producer of amazing experiences for you know if you if we go on Instagram it’s better to live that life than to to experience it vicariously through some guy in Bucharest you know you want to be living that life or or some kind of Similac of it anyway I mean yesterday we
Went for a brunch with a group of friends group of guys who are all doing really cool stuff in the world and we all had a great time it blows my mind you know there’s so much it’s so easy to say the next generation are you know
They don’t have the the the grit you know they don’t have the Killer Instinct in their eyes it’s very easy to say that but our experience tells us otherwise there are enormous numbers of very accomplished young men who are doing incredible things they’re leveraging Technologies they’re living this digital
Nomad lifestyle as a kind of default whereas with us it was a kind of like a luxury option they’re scaling things on on levels I could not have fathomed and still I’m astounded by it blows my mind and and to see these these kind of elite level upper echelon young guys
Succeeding in life it just enriches my soul man I can’t tell you that’s the antidote for the nihilism to see these young guys I don’t have a I don’t have uh children but to see these young guys rising up to level that I didn’t even know was possible crypto all this stuff
They’re doing they understand it nfts uh blockchain Technologies now the AI guys it blows my mind and so this gives me a desire to to live more experience more stay alive longer this is the antidote to the nihilism that addiction brings so if you could speak to the black pill
Guys the guys who are the doomers the ones who feel like there’s no hope it’s all pointless [ __ ] it just have fun anyways just Escape avoid what would you say I’d say the doomers you know what I like about the doomers they’ve got funny memes they’ve got some great little punk rock
Bands you listen to Doomer music you know Soviet Duma music you listen to this kind of like incel punk rock it’s exactly the stuff that I was into when I was growing up it’s you it’s phenomenal you know it’s hilarious some of this stuff uh I want to sound like the the
Old unot it like was it XP negative I don’t know correct me but these bands are they’re creative that’s what I’m saying in their hearts they are creative guys they’re funny they’re interesting and yet it seems to me they’ll call me a Copa but it seems to me at the final
Conclusion they’re just taking a turn in a slightly different direction like that Meme which way now man and he’s got two choices and they’re taking a route which will keep them locked in a world of self-fulfilling prophecy which is doomed for them um and it doesn’t have to be like that there’s
A whole world out there you know they joke about um about uh you know getting the suntan all over suntanning their balls and stuff I say go and do it I say go and get a suntan I say go and walk on the sand with no shoes on go in the
Ocean go swimming get in the boxing ring get your nose broken enjoy that you know in a controlled environment enjoy life for the richness that it is you know these simulated environment no matter how compelling they are look at the Apple Vision thing you know what’s the parameters of that no matter how
Compelling these Technologies are they pale into insignificance with the real world get on a motorbike get on I’ve got beautiful motorbike and I hammer it around a tropical island listening to GG Allen still and I love life you know I love it I would I’ve seen a PlayStation 5 recently
It’s nothing compared to my motorcycle Tropical Islands music Sunshine real life nothing and what is it about that that you love what is it about real life that you love when I was young I wouldn’t been able to answer that but as I get older you know alcohol it’s like
Learning to appreciate a wine when you’re a kid you want to drink Coca-Cola you want the full sugar Coca-Cola as you get older you you you taste refined so let’s let’s use coffee it’s a better better example you can understand that the the the pallette more you can
Understand the sour taste is not necessarily immediately delicious but you learn to appreciate it for what it is and after a period of time you can say this is a good cup of coffee or this is you know this is a piss poor cup of coffee and so
It is with life there’s that that that myth of sisifus the struggle that we all go through knowing that the end is coming right it’s coming for all of us but despite that we continue to roll the boulder up the hill to live a beautiful life to hopefully Inspire the Next
Generation and to be a good example the same way that Shan was a good example to me he was like the big brother I want to be a big brother to these other guys you know or a mad Uncle whichever way they want to look at me but just be a
Positive light rather than a pain in the ass yeah I’d say you play both roles pretty well very kind of you Cam you’re very kind man you’ve been able to continue to move forward and continue to grow over a longer period of time whereas in addiction there might have
Been spurts at times where you did start to move forward but then you kind of fell back and then you went forward and then you kind of fell back how have you managed to not fall back into that addiction where you just never really make progress over time and you continue
To work towards the light it’s momentum actually because like I say the trend line is this direction but it’s it’s like a plane on autopilot it 90% of the time it’s off track but generally it’s going to get to its destination so I would say a lot of
The time I’m always refining the process but I keep momentum so you say you know I was I wake up early I wake up early and I’ll work till late I’ll do a double shift today you know by the time London wakes up I’ve already done one working
Day because I want to go harder I want to go faster I want more out of life just like you what are the parameters here what is possible the only true limitations in the in the in the realm of the minds are to be found through imagination I think expanding your imagination
Is really what’s the name of the game what can we do here let’s find out it’s going to be a good journey so for people who want to see imagination in action right now you see Tony you see a dude who’s in good shape you see a handsome gray-haired
Man and it’s not always been this way and there’s been a huge you know not just physical transformation but but mental transformation as well and testosterone obviously played a huge role in that in how you were physically feeling and and ultimately how it affected your mind and affected your
Behavior and and ultimately led to everything and I know this is something that’s really important to you how was testosterone affecting you in a way that was leading to all these physical issues the physical health issues and ultimately your mindset so in a nutshell you know I’m quite vocal on this because
I lost a lot of time because I didn’t dive into this subject and you know I suffered for a very long time needlessly the I had a had a BMX accident when I was young smashed myself up and they pieced me back together but what they didn’t realize at the time was
It had knocked all my my hormonal I don’t know what it is it knocked all out of balance and I went from being a a an international athlete at 15 16 17 to on my 18th birthday this this hormone problem had kicked in and I was getting more and more tired and on
My 18th birthday I went out couldn’t do it I I had a small accident in my car I went home to bed I didn’t get a bed till my 19th birthday I was you know doctors didn’t run the right tests and I trusted them enough not to get second and third
Opinions so I labored on thinking that this is just how it is for for me low energy tiredness that wasn’t cured by sleeping um unable to gain muscle despite eating quite a lot I was getting skinnier and skinnier and that picture you described I can only describe as um
Christian Bale in the machinists that’s not even an exaggeration I don’t think very skinny ghoulishly so and I was getting smaller and smaller and I never looked into testosterone and the reason for that is I’m an athlete performance-enhancing substances are forbidden Dorian Yates was training in
The gym in Birmingham when I was an athlete and we were told never go down that street where this big bodybuilder is training because you might encounter something that’s absolutely forbidden in the world of Athletics I so I I never looked into what those guys was doing
Finally after many many years of of like suffering I learned about testosterone get a testosterone test get three-part test and I did that and I also got to battery of other hormonal profiles and we found an anomaly it was it was right there this this one which was off the
Charts and it was having a very bad effect on on all the rest of my body the testosterone I had exceptionally high testosterone on but it was completely unavailable to my body it would kind of come in spurts like this so I solved the problem long story short
Solved the problem I uh I took something for the hormones and then that affected my body so I had to get onto trt testosterone replacement therapy to get my body working properly and that was really a phenomenal change for me I was able to build muscle through
Eating but primarily I was able to gain momentum my strength was consistent my willpower I was always a Savage in my mind but I was able now to act on that in terms of having a goal in the distance I’m not nihilistic at this point so I can imagine being alive
Somewhere in the future work towards it and achieve the Milestones along the way and that really is the the the strength of trt because it gives you that confidence self assuredness that this will be done and so it will be and so how does it affect
You now well I’m going to be on it for the rest of my life you know it’s no Miracle medicine there’s some very serious side effects I’m on it for the rest of my life but would I go back to how I was before absolutely not you will
Have to prize that medicine out of my dead hand because it’s been a GameChanger for me and I say this perhaps this is something to do with the Next Generation they’re affected in ways that the older Generations were less so for example if you look at the charts of
The global testosterone levels or the estrogen levels I forget which grandfather had a very high tea your father had somewhat depleted Our Generation and the generation below was somewhat depleted and the Next Generation they are right down there you know they are suffering on a hormonal level so I say this to
Order guys regardless of whether they’re suffering symptoms or not go and get the three-part test then you’ve got the numbers I don’t know I can’t tell you the numbers I’m not a doctor but get those checked by someone that knows about optimizing your testosterone get those numbers and now you’ve got a BAS
For when in the future your testosterone will start to dip and it will decline you now have a a level that you want to get back to at a time when you were feeling good but I’ll say this I would say most young people really need to know that their testosterone is probably
Lower than it should be and it’s certainly not optimal and I think that’s what we’re seeing with this sedentary somewhat herbivore generation that’s coming up the lifestyle itself is leading to actual hormonal changes which is then causing physical and mental symptoms and then even if you’re sitting
Here watching this video being like yo I want to move forward I want to live a life of purpose I want to be able to accomplish goals I just can’t seem to do it it might actually be something you know as simple or not as simple but you
Know simple as your hormones are actually off and if you go get your blood work done you go get this stuff checked if it’s not off at least you can then Mark that as something that isn’t causing the issue but if it is you can optimize it you can adjust it you can
Get that stuff fixed and it actually might be a completely life-changing experience completely we have to attack this from every angle we have to attack it from a hormonal angle a mental angle spiritual angle you know whichever way we can we we sort of chip away at it in
Order to remove all the the the plaque if you like from the soul in order that we can make that progress and see the world for what it is is without this kind of like Duma mindset over the top overlaid on the top of it right and just
On this I I know like because I know you when you found something that works you continue with it I know that for you your diet is something very specific and it’s a ritual for you and it’s something that you take with the most seriousness yes my diet is very important but it’s
Teamwork actually cam I couldn’t eat I eat a lot of food every day and I have them for the last seven years I couldn’t do that without my my team around me my family right and they see the benefits of me having good health a good mindset
And we work as a as a team so my girlfriend will prepare every day it’s like Mass catering she’ be cooking for me for two or three hours to prepare the food so I’ve got the strength to work these double shifts I described in order to bring in the money to maintain the
Lifestyle that we want to live and move forward in the future it’s teamwork it’s teamwork it’s critical that we have that that that that click around us we might have to kind of scratch it from you know the materials to hand but um it’s the full package life is the full package
Recovery from addiction has to be the full package as well and it’s the standard because it’s not like your diet is like good kind of 60% of the time but then 40% of the time it’s like absolutely terrible you’re quite good at being able to maintain like that
Standard is a standard and I keep it at that standard because that allows me to not just perform at a certain but avoid falling back into the depths of hell that I’ve come from my performance in terms of staying true to the diet every day for seven years is because my
Girlfriend actually she’s the one that puts it together she’s the one that sources it she’s the one that prepares you know the food for me every day so without her support man it wouldn’t it would be very difficult because it’s not about doing this 40% 60% 80% of time I
Do it 95% of the time the other 5% is by Design you know I’m not a bodybuilder by I have built a body I’ve gone from 70 kilos to 100 kilos I’m not going to win a prize but I have a I’ve grown into being the man that I always wished I
Could be in many areas not just on on the on the Vaper but up here and in my heart as well I guess we can wrap up with this which is nobody wins alone and it’s the reason we connected and for me you’re such an important Mentor friend
Role model in my life someone who’s brought so much value to me and help me navigate very difficult situations in times when I really needed that and I’m sure it’s vice versa in that in that sense you and your girlfriend your girlfriend supports you in a way where
You will you lean on her to be able to help you be in the best state that you can be and I’m sure vice versa as well for people watching this who were in that kind of nihilistic mindset selfish addiction just focused on themselves focused on the world sucks I’m just
Going to continue to live my life the way I want maybe it’s time to start leaning on some of those people around you it doesn’t have to just be by yourself you don’t just have to go through life by yourself you can lean on people around you we’re doing this
Podcast right now because my video editor gleb who you guys have seen before we did a podcast together he was in town for the weekend and that made it really easy for me to say I can lean on him to make sure that we get a nice
Setup we have all the lights and everything and that just makes this work really really well and so lean on people around you because you don’t win alone you’re not going to be able to do it by yourself you need Community you need mentors you need people you can rely on
And if you’re willing to open up a little bit to actually allow those people in your life to help you it makes the job so much easier I’ll say this you’re working at the Vanguard of recovery and Leon sober Leon too you guys are working at The Cutting edge of
Recovery from addiction it’s something I admire tremendously because I’m old school my my beliefs are somewhat set in they’re somewhat calcified when I see what you two guys are achieving and the guys that you’re bringing up with you through your insights you’re reading those medical papers which I I just
Simply cannot I’m I’m Bro Science all the way right so you guys lead the way you lead the charge you’re looking for how the nature of addiction is changing and how to overcome it using the the the most forward thinking approaches I have a incredible amount of respect for both
What you and and sober Leon are doing out here so you know finish on this but if I can be of service I will be if you ask me to do something I’ll do it for you and um and that’s really how friendships are built well thank you so
Much for being here thanks for sharing your story and I just think on behalf of everyone watching this it’s been super helpful and for anyone listening anyone watching what’s one idea that you can take away today to really be able to move move forward in your life if you’re
In the state of kind of Doom and Gloom you’ve already tried that maybe it’s time to try something new and I guess that’s what we invite you to do today the light really is worth it so never quit and keep going today can be the end
Of that Journey it can be the end of that Darkness it might not be a full beam of light overnight but that last dip into the darkness can be the end of it and there is a beautiful world out there waiting for you if only your sees it with both
Hands so I wish you the best of luck and God speed
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