Hey hey hey everybody I am going live on several platforms I’m trying something new I’m I’m a little late to the party please forgive me I actually had an event here in um Dubai and I’m just just a tad bit late getting on so I apolog for those of you
Who um who actually were here at um 11: a.m. eastern standard time understand that it is actually 8:00 pm here in Dubai and we actually had an event and it was actually our first um Greek picnic for uh the D9 and hopefully everybody knows where the D9 are that’s all of the
Fraternities and sororities the African-American historic ones and I’m a member of Sigma gamma R hint the t-shirt and um you know so we were at that event and it was in the desert so I’m finally here so let’s get this thing started welcome to Sparkle Saturdays and I am Kimberly
Braxton your dedic ated life transformation strategist and I help black women reclaim their lives set empowering boundaries and master self-care rituals today this is the first Sparkle Saturday that I’m actually doing where I’m not interviewing another guest or guests uh this is the first one I’m doing uh actually by
Myself so thank you for those of you who have joined um our topic today is Empower yourself to break free and embrace selflove break free from what codependency so welcome to this enlightening discussion on navigating the complexities of Co codependency and its profound impact on self love okay
We’re going to talk about some practical strategies for recognizing and addressing and even possibly overcoming codependent behaviors now this is just uh an introductory um session because codependency is a very complex thing okay so complex that a lot of time psychologists and psychiatrists have a hard time putting one single definition
To it so this convers conversation today is meant to empower you to cultivate a deeper sense of selflove and fulfillment and I’m hoping that we can embark on this journey together so I have notes I have my my slide notes and um so you’ll be seeing me refer to those
And you’ll be seeing me look at two different cameras because I’m streaming on YouTube um Facebook and Tik Tok so welcome to those this is my actually doing a sparkle Saturday on Tik Tok I’ve been doing this show for over a year now and I never so welcome welcome welcome to all
Of you who decided to join me here on Tik Tok as well so um I already pretty much talked about uh talked about myself um in regards to hold on oh there we go oh this is very interesting y’all because I’m on to three different uh
Devices and I was like why didn’t the slide advance I don’t understand so it’s a little bit of lag but um I’ve already introduced myself um Kimberly Braxton once again I’m the founder of grow Inspire Sparkle which is a company that seeks to empower black
Women and I’m also an author and I I actually have a project out right now called um unleashing potential life um Mastery strategy so I wrote chapter four in this book and um there are a lot of amazing other um authors that have contributed to this book and I’m super
Excited about it I’ll put I’ll put the description out there at some point the link out there at some point but right now I’m focused on this right so today to get the most out of today honestly I think it would be great if you grab a notebook your Journal whatever you like
To write in um a pen or a pencil um and and then definitely keep a open mind and and stay with me throughout because I believe that this conversation will definitely give you’ll glean something from it okay so I am speaking mostly to the ladies but guys if you’re here you
Know I think you’ll get something out of this as well so uh so this is me at my lowest point I got a nice smile on and everything right hair is fried dyed and laid to the side but what this picture doesn’t show right now is that me and my
Wusband I don’t like the term X because he’s always going to be part of my life in some form or fashion so I call him my wusband we had just had a huge argument so at first glance this picture looks like I’m super happy but I’m wearing a mask right cuz
We had just finished having a huge argument we went to like a private area argued like cats and dogs and uh I was actually this was my um Lon sisters um which is my sorority sister we came that means we came in together but it’s it was my Lon sister’s wedding
Um that I’m at and um I think we have finished the wedding I think this was probably at the reception I’m not really I don’t remember cuz been so long ago but the point of it is is that we had just finished arguing like cats and dogs where both smiling for the
Camera and of course we don’t want anybody to know that we’re having major issues in our marriage and so we both smile for the camera and we both smiling at this event okay so that’s why I say we have won this mask um mainly I’m
Going to speak for myself I have won the mask right pretending to be happy and wearing this mask was really a way of life for me at this point in my life I probably was in my I probably was in my early 30s at at the time of this
Picture so that was just a regular thing for me I was wearing a mask for so for so many reasons to to avoid issues in my marriage I really to avoid facing them right pretending like everything’s okay um to I’ve wor a mask to hide the issues
That I hadn’t dealt with from my past I wore this mask to have the issues of me allowing myself to be mistreated and the reason why I’m really talking about selflove this entire month because we earlier me and some other amazing business women had um an event called galentine’s empowerment
Experience and you know this month of February is the love month right um except for a lot of times for for some women um this love month and having the the whole Valentine’s thing a lot of times that is a hard very hard time for for women who are single especially
Women who are single and that have never been married sometimes that’s a real hard time for them so that’s why I’m talking about this now right and I hope you all can hear me because I’m at my soro’s house in Dubai and um her windows are open and there’s a lot of traffic
But I hope you all hear me fine and for those of you on Tik Tok like I um I don’t know if I’ll be able to answer comments right now in the moment I will do my best um however I’m working three devices and I’m using my my um my slide
Notes too so I’m wearing this mask to hide the issues of me allowing myself to be mistreated in my marriage okay and not just even in my marriage but like it in in in in general I allow mistreatment you know I’m hiding this mask of being super rigid and
Controlling in playing the victim you know I hadn’t really dealt with um the fact that I was sexually abused in my childhood I was actually raped forcibly raped at um age 11 and these things I kind of just oh um I’m not going to say I pretended that they didn’t happen but I
Definitely didn’t deal with them and honestly uh nobody in my family even knew about it until I was in my late 30s so um you know I was the mask was hiding that too I had I was dealing with verbal abuse um emotional abuse so the mask was
There for that I had had no boundary system like I allowed people to invade my boundaries I didn’t necessarily respect other people’s boundaries see these are all characteristics of codependency okay so I was basically a hot jack up mess okay a hijacked up mess and eventually the math stopped working for
Me and my life was completely falling apart and I will say my rock bottom my lowest lowest point was when my son at that time he was 13 years old decided he didn’t want to live with us anymore you know and so I would say that
Was like my lowest point of course he he wanted to stay with my sister in Bal Baltimore Maryland and um you know I I told him no we’re going to do better um you know I had things like really all backwards I I really thought that if my
Marriage was healthy and going well then I’d be happy my happiness was bound up in my husband but I had it wrong my happiness really needed to come from within So eventually me and my wand went to Christian counseling with my pastor and he told us it sounds like you’re both
Codependent and I had never even heard the term before my pastor recommended the book called um codependent no more by Melody Bey and it took me more than a year to read it because I was so angry not even from the book like I think I
Was just angry anyway I I was trying to feel like numb like uh just trying not to feel anything but honestly unexpressed feelings turn into resentment and so I didn’t realize that that unexpressed anger it just turns into resentment so the book infuriated me to
Be honest with you uh it made me even more angry I remember the day I I threw the book on the floor I was I was I was I was on I was in bed and I was reading the book and my and my pastor said you’re going to see yourself throughout
This book but just keep reading the book right I didn’t just keep reading the book because it the book pissed me off and so I threw the book on the floor and I kicked it under my nightstand so that’s why it took me a year to read the
Book okay so I finally picked that book up again that he recommended that Co codependent no more book I joined a recovery program for codependency and through working with coaches and accountability Partners I started healing from all the stuff that happened to me in my childhood and I started developing and enforcing
Boundaries and respecting other people’s boundaries I started to understand that happiness is an inside job so let’s just talk a little bit about codependency so this is the definition that you’ll probably find if you decided to look the word up so codependency it refers to a dysfunctional relationship pattern where one person excessively
Relies on another for their emotional needs often at the expense of their own well-being so it’s way more complex than this definition but we’ll go with this definition focusing on that last part everything that codependents do is generally at the expense of their own well-being codependency is an emotional prison so
That’s why I named this segment um you know break Break Free Break Free because it is a it’s a present so some of the characteristics of codependency are people pleasing and I know a lot of people have heard that term people equ pleasing codependents have difficulty setting boundaries and often respecting
Other people’s boundaries low self-esteem and so a lot of times codependency can manifest itself in saying yes all to everything saying yes saying I’m okay saying yes not acknowledging one’s own emotions and a that can cause problems in relationships and I’ve I learned that the hard way because I’m divorced now
And I always say I’m Happily Divorced you know so uh that’s a big part of it uh a lot of times it’s denial um a lot of times codependents agree to do things right um but then get mad about about it at later because like it was just too much
Like now you got you know we got too much on our plate so now now mad so it looks like a lot a lot of different things um not speaking up for oneself not um not even like I’ll say this so in in the height of my codependent behaviors I’ll say I
Was I a chameleon I would be this way with this group be this way with another group and not really being my authentic self okay so it can look like a lot of different things but overall it can a affect um you know it it did affect my
Mental health and it affected My overall quality of life so codependency definitely I love this quote codependency keeps you searching for love outside yourself real love starts within I definitely did that I was like I said earlier I was like I’ll be happy if my marriage is healthy I’ll be
Happy if if my marriage is going well right I I will be happy if no the real love the real happiness all that stuff has to start with me with me the dependency on some type of external validation is it’s the wrong it’s the wrong mindset and that’s another thing like I
Once I started healing from a lot of the things that happened in my past and really started to understand codependency I started validating myself like whereas before maybe I would pick out a certain outfit because I want to impress my wusband or you know I W to
You know blend in what whatever the case may have been now I pick off something cuz I want to feel good and I put it on for me I I do my hair a certain way now because I like it and I want to do it for me so I practice self validation
Now but people who are dealing with codependent behaviors they often do things and seek validation and approval from others right and neglecting their own self-worth or self-love so I’m just thankful that now I can validate myself like I I can tell myself girl you look good you look good
I don’t have to have a compliment from someone else to know that to feel that yeah so that’s one of the things that codependency seeks external validation um it also can tear away self-identity and I really really can relate to that because I read it was a
Few books that I read that really helped me heal that for sure C codependent no more I read all her books like all of her every book she has codependent no more Beyond codependency the language of the all Melody be these books I read read them all multiple times okay but
There are some other books that really help me in my healing Journey one of them was um freeing your mind from memories that bind and they had like a lot of these books were very interactive books so one of the things that I had to
Do when I read one of these books was actually list out like stuff I like stuff I don’t like my value like I really needed to get to know myself again as I started healing from these codependent behaviors so it can really lead to a loss of personal identity because it’s hindering the
Development of self-love right when you when a person practices selflove like they they they know themselves and they take the time to spend that time with themselves to even know themselves better right so that’s one that’s the second thing so the first one was dependency on external validation the second thing was
Erosion of self-identity the third thing is emotional exhaustion you know um constantly putting other people and prioritizing other people’s needs from one’s own needs leads to a feeling of emptiness like I remember feeling so depleted like when I finally separated from um my wasb been like I just needed people to
Pour into me because I honestly my cup was empty I had given so much I had I had worked so hard to try to save the marriage I have just given given given um that I just felt completely empty burnt out and just depleted so codependency also the impact of it on
Self- Lov is causing emotional exhaustion and then the last one that I want to talk about is it produces barriers to growth you know it can inhibit personal growth because of the cycles of unhealthy behaviors Independence so those are the four ways that codependency impacts selflove again dependency on external validation erosion of
Self-identity emotional exhaustion and then barriers to growth and I experienced all of these okay all of them so let so I talked about this a little bit but I’m going to talk a little bit more about it so external validation versus internal validation which is what I
Practice now and look I’m not going to say I’m I’m the I’m I’ve arrived okay I’m not g to say that I am I’m I am considered an expert because I am a life transformation strategist I’m a certified life transformation strategist however um I’m not going to say that I’ve
Arrived right because I always have to be careful not to go back into codependent behaviors and the way that I handle that now is I do self evaluations you know through you know daily self- evaluations weekly and even um taking like a I’m not gonna call it like a like a
Like a I’ll say a station and I’ll go through my journals and I’ll do some serious self evaluation um but let’s talk about this now external validation versus internal validation and this quote says true validation comes from within you are enough just as you are and that’s what I had to learn like
I’m enough and you know doing um daily affirmations and all of this stuff has definitely changed my mindset and helped me really like Embrace more selflove okay so external validation so again we talked about this like codependent seek they seek validation which is a part a big part of why
They they’re people Pleasers like codependence will say yes to do something because they want that validation they want that approval they want to feel worthy because they don’t have selfworth right so they want these things from their their their partner it could be their their spouse it could be
Their family even you know their peers so that’s a big part of of why codependency blocks selflove now there are some pitfalls to relying on external validation okay so it reinforces the fact that one’s worth is contingent upon others opinions and that’s the pitfall because if you don’t have if if a person
Doesn’t have that self-worth and self validation they’re they’re they’re never going to they’re never going to feel a a reasonable sense of happiness because they’re always going to be seeking that from other people opinions right and people people are fickle like you know people can be very fickle
So when we practice self-love and self- validation and we start working on doing things that for for ourselves that make us happy then we’ll start to practice internal validation some of the things that can help with building selfworth are affirmations which I do on on a daily
Basis I do it I do so I also am an educator so I do that with my students and I do that for myself affirmations help inspire a growth mindset so affirmations is definitely one of the big things that we can do to build selfworth of also practicing self-care practicing
Self-care is huge when it comes to building self- worth and self-love and it if you go to my website and register I think that you get the self-care um is free you just go to my website Gro inspirar ale.com register so you can be a part of my
Community and you get the self-care plan for free it’s a it’s a whole workbook that I created um other thing is celebrating personal you know it’s so important to like when we achieve something to take the time to acknowledge that you know it’s it’s really important a lot of
Times we achieve something I’m G tell you with with codependence we don’t want we we we we shy away from you know the celebration when somebody celebrates us we gen we we tend to shot away from it because we don’t want the attention on us okay now I receive it because I
Receive it as a blessing um and I you know that’s a codependent behavior that I have overcome so these are three things and then the fourth thing I’m going to say is date your yourself this Valentine’s Day that just passed I took myself out to a Michelin star restaurant I had flowers delivered
To myself and I truly enjoyed my own company while I was out having this Michelin star dinner so you know once you start embracing self validation self uh worth selflove then you really start enjoying your own company you know I can remember a time where when I would go to a restaurant
And and the hostess or host would say just one no it’s not just one it’s one and yes I’m not a just I am you know I am a a worthy individual and yes I’m I’m I’m I’m going to have dinner with myself I am
Okay I am company so I’m not just by myself I am enjoying my time alone with myself so those are some things that will help you build self-worth so those again are practicing self-care doing daily affirmations C ating your personal achievements and take yourself out on a
Date I love to take myself out to dinner in a movie love to do it just did it uh week before last and I also take myself out on vacation too um all right so let’s talk about this because this is a big one establishing healthy
Boundaries this is a big one when it comes to Breaking Free free from codependent behaviors and embracing more self-love so boundaries are the limits we set to protect our physical emotional and mental well-being so setting boundaries is an act of self-love and self-respect honor your needs and prioritize your
Well-being you know what I say no is a holy word and no is a complete sentence because people tend not to like the word no but I love it now because it honors me when I use the word no I’m honoring myself so let’s talk about how boundaries and codependency like how
They relate it so when I was at the height of my codependent behaviors I Had No Boundaries okay I had none none whatsoever and so I read this somewhere that people who have been victimized like like I was you know with sexual abuse in my childhood and being raped at
Age 11 like a lot of times that because it invaded the boundary a lot of times because people are victimized they don’t have boundaries they don’t have them and so a lot of times people with codependency struggle with setting boundaries a lot of times they get in
Mesed right I was in mesed with my was been like my happiness was bound up in him I was a mesed and a lot of times the lines get blurred between the codependent person and other people so codependents definitely have a hard time with setting boundaries okay but the benefits of
Boundaries are that they uh esta they they they provide healthy relationships they’re pretty much the gateway to healthy relationships and they also increase self-respect right so those are some of the benefits they help with improving communication and they help with autonomy so first of all let’s talk
About some ways that we can practice setting boundaries okay I would say just start with saying no to something small okay that’s one of the things that I would recommend and the reason why I say start by saying no to something small because when you say no to somebody that you
Really really really care about there’s going to be those internal feelings that they don’t feel all that great after you said no okay that’s normal because if you were like if you are anything like I I used to be you haven’t been setting boundaries so it’s in just like just
Like uh riding a bike or learning how to skate like you got to keep practicing it to get better right let’s say learning a guitar or the piano you gota you gotta keep practicing it to get better at it so if you haven’t been saying no on a
Regular basis you gonna have those feelings and it’s not GNA feel good but guess what the more you do it then the less them feelings will that I don’t even feel them now like when I say no I don’t feel the negative feelings anymore because I understand that it’s it was
For myself it was for my self-care it was for it was for me to honor myself and respect my own time so I don’t I don’t have those feelings anymore so that’s the first practical tip I would say say no to something small the next thing is be sure that you use Clear
Communication so that way people understand that the boundary is being violated or that people understand that the boundary is set okay don’t use vague communication make sure your communication is very clear no I can I know I cannot do that um that does not work for
Me okay you don’t have to be mean you just got to be clear about how you know the boundary that you’re setting um no I can’t do that on Friday how about on Tuesday that’s clear that lets the person that that doesn’t give them wiggle room to try to coer you and don’t
And that’s another thing don’t allow yourself to be hored okay sorry you all for the background noise um be be assertive and be consistent when it comes to setting your boundaries okay all right so let’s just go over those strategies again same PR start by saying no to
Something small so that you can start getting over the negative feelings that may come after you after your know and another thing I say is own your no own your no because you know what it helps you in so many ways uh the other thing is use Clear communication be assertive and be
Consistent okay so those are some strategies to help you with boundaries all right so let’s let’s continue with this let’s continue all right cultivating self-awareness and self-compassion so let’s talk about it this quote says self-awareness and self-compassion are the foundation of self-love I love that selfawareness and self-compassion are the foundation of
Self-love embrace yourself with kindness and understanding sometimes we can be our own worst critic we can be so hard on ourselves you know sometimes I’mma tell you that I used to have some selft talk and even sometimes say stuff out loud like I’m dumb I’m stupid um say stuff
Like that I wouldn’t even say to a stranger like about into myself have thoughts that I wouldn’t even say out loud to a stranger right so when we are developing this selflove that’s that’s a good way to start like practice saying stuff to your that you would say to a stranger if you
Wouldn’t say it to a stranger don’t say it to yourself okay all right so self-awareness is really like honestly a very difficult thing for somebody who is dealing with codependency and so like I told you earlier when I actually wrote out this list like the stuff that I like the
Stuff that I what do what do I like what what is it that I don’t like what do I enjoy doing what is it that I don’t like doing what is what do I value like this when I did that exercise and that it was in one of the books I
Read it might have been in freeing your mind from memories that bind but like you don’t need a book to do that okay if you feel like because I’m G tell you I totally lost myself in um in my in my marriage like I I when
I wrote poems about it like I really like honestly just didn’t feel like myself like I didn’t know who I was I was gone and so doing that exercise really helped me be become more self-aware and so one of the things that came out of that exercise is I really
Like going to Art Museums so I started going there by myself and I’m going be honest with you I was in my 20s so I hadn’t really done like a whole lot of going places by myself unless it was like the grocery store or the mall to pick up something
Quick but like to go for enjoyment I wasn’t doing that and so that’s what I started with the art museum because I love going to art museums and so that came out of that exercise now because of codependent be um patterns a lot of times people become less and less self-aware because they’re
Their focus is on others so doing that exercise really helped me so I want you to recognize triggers and that’s a part of becoming self-aware to so one of my triggers is people who have control issues like anytime I feel like somebody’s trying to control me or manipulate me that is a
Trigger for me that’s a trigger and so because I know that’s a trigger then I can avoid people who have that issue because that’s just not good for me as a recovering um codependent so recognize the triggers also you know focus on your own um thoughts and your own actions because
Like people can trigger us but however we can also trigger our own selves so focus on your own thoughts and your own actions as well so let’s now talk about self-compassion and I touched on this a bit earlier you know that’s a that’s a key component to selflove and it is extremely important
That we treat ourselves with kind kindness with understanding and with acceptance like we would treat a stranger you know so the way we would treat someone else that’s also how we should be treating ourselves we should be patient with ourselves also embrace the imperfections like if everybody was the
Same this world would be so boring right embrace your imperfections mistakes happen maybe not one of the things that I used to do was dwell on them right dwell on my mistakes now I might think about it I might think about it for a couple of hours you know off and on it
Might happen but it’s not something that I dwell on for days and days and days you know um I’m trying to think of the last thing that I had to tell myself like it happened like it’s over with now let’s move on you know I remember what the situation was
But it it it it came up a few times and and that’s what I said to myself like okay you know you made a mistake it happens let’s move on let’s move on Life Life Will Go On so you you know look at those things as opportunities for growth you know instead of
Shame or self-criticism how can we grow from the mistake like literally ask yourself that how can I grow from this and I think once once I do that then that changes my that shifts my whole mindset from like dang I’m I messed up on that one to okay I I
Learned blah blah blah from this and that helps me to move on uh okay I know they said do something with this Tik Tock to move it over to see the comments I’m sorry y’all I I will definitely respond to them um once I figure out how to find my lives y’all
Because this this is only my second live okay all right let’s talk about empowering steps towards healing and this quote here says Healing Begins now Tik Tok y’all can’t see my slideshow but um if you go to my YouTube channel or my Facebook you’ll be able to
See all of it because it’s all going to be on there okay so on Facebook I’m gror Inspire Sparkle YouTube is just grow Inspire Sparkle you’ll be able to find me there all right so this one says Healing Begins With the willingness to embrace change and prioritize your
Well-being you are worthy of love and healing this is powerful just this quote alone is powerful I feel like I need to read it again Healing Begins With A willingness to embrace change and prioritize your well-being you are worthy of love and healing that was so nice I had to say it twice
Y’all okay so there’s a lot of ways to develop self-love a lot of ways to overcome codependency therapy counseling those are great for me it was recovery I was in a program called and I would still be if it if they had it I live in Abu Dhabi
Y’all and so they don’t have it here in Abu Dhabi so I would still be in it and going into meetings and stuff if I had it available but it’s just not available here but anyway the program that changed my entire life was called Celebrate Recovery Celebrate Recovery see a lot of
Times people think when they hear recovery they think oh that’s just for drug addicts oh that’s just for um um alcoholics or sex addicts or you know food adct food adct food addicts no recovery is for anybody that needs something restored they have it for everything
They got it for divorce they got it for grief they got it for codependency okay so for me that is what changed my life and guess what y’all it’s free it’s free 99 okay free and and when I tell you I got so much from this program
Because you go if you choose to do it I’m going tell you what I did I went on Friday nights and then when they started what’s called step study that was a whole year long so that meant I was going to two meetings a night I mean a
Week okay and it was free and I was getting healed I was digging up the root of my issues and believe it or not CU y’all I’m 52 like some of the stuff I forgot about and as I was going through this program because you work you do you
Work with a group of of other same-sex people like so in my group and someone leads the group and I’ve LED two I’ve LED Two Step studies as a leader the first time I participated I was you know a member of the group and then the second two times I was a
Leader but like some of the stuff as we work through these workbooks like I had forgotten about like I had forgotten that stuff some of the stuff that happened to me because you know as a child there’s fear about the stuff like if I tell somebody I think I’m GNA get
In trouble like I don’t know what I thought I know I had the fear the fear was there and then there then came for me the shame of what happened and so because of those feelings that stuff got buried deep down so so far that I had
Forgotten about a lot of it okay so I’m I’m digging up the root of of these issues for free and that’s why I’m such a big advocate of either um recovery coaching therapy and counseling are great cuz I I did go to counseling I did
Go to counseling um but I was able to go to recovery on a regular basis for free okay so these things definit oh and the other thing about that I want to say about recovery is sitting in that circle with other women who had similar backgrounds as I had was extremely
Comforting for me like you know going through the things that I went through I’mma say the enemy had a way of making me think I was the only one adult with that type of stuff and so to hear other women have the same history as me was comforting
And I and I felt like I was like actually able to finally talk to somebody about it because I’mma tell y’all in the black community in African-American Community we don’t talk we don’t talk about it’s certain stuff that we just just sweep it under the rub and keep it
Moving because we don’t talk about that and that’s why I’m very open about my personal history with sexual abuse and rape because we don’t talk about it we don’t talk about those things in our community but no I’mma talk about it because I don’t know who might need to hear
It so so that’s the first thing those are they are available for you okay to help you there are other things that that you can do um self reflection practices journaling meditation mindfulness exercises uh these all promote self-awareness and emotional healing okay so those are some of the things as well setting
Intentions uh set an intention for your healing Journey set an intention to focus on self-love set an intention for personal growth or Breaking Free from codependent patterns and then finally seek support it it is you know what we can we can get healed by ourselves we can you know but it’s it’s something
Special about having other people go with you on that healing journey is they can hold you accountable okay um when they’re safe when they’re safe like find safe people people that you can trust like friends family or perhaps a group like Celebrate Recovery to provide the encouragement and the
Accountability for your healing pth okay so let me let me go through those again these are some steps that you can take toward healing you can do therapy you can do counseling you can do um coaching um you can do a Recovery Group I I always promote celebrate recovery
But there’s a lot there’s um because that one’s Christian based there’s codependence Anonymous there’s um Allen on CU I didn’t say this part earlier but but most codependents have had an addicted spouse or parent or someone close to them a sibling for me it was my mom my mother
Was a alcoholic by the time I was 13 she was a blackout drinker so that means that she would go to work she was very functional now she went to work and she heard alarm clock every morning got up and went to work however when she got home from work
She would start drink drinking till she passed out so that’s what a blackout Drinker is so a lot of times they also say inside of every addict is a codependent because truly the addiction is a symptom of this the root the problem whatever is and a lot of times
So again there’s codependent Anonymous there’s Overcomers there’s um celebrate recovery but there’s so many recovery groups out there that are beneficial okay so that’s those are that’s the first one then do some self-reflective practices like maybe journaling meditation mindfulness um setting intentions set an intention to to to um Journal set an
Intention to focus on self Lov set an intention to focus on personal growth set an intention to break free from codependent patterns and then the last one is seek seek support with someone safe not everybody safe right and you’ll know you’ll know you might feel it in in your spirit like
You’ll know who’s safe and who’s not safe but seek support from a safe friend a safe family member or some of these groups I mentioned earlier because they’ll help encourage you and help hold you accountable okay all right so let wait a minute here we are so embracing growth
And progress so let’s look at the quote every step towards healing is a victory worth celebrating embrace your progress and honor your journey I’mma read it again for Tik Tock every step towards healing is a victory worth celebrating embrace your progress and honor your journey so we talked a little bit about
This but let’s let’s get into what what what my notes say acknowledging small victories like it doesn’t have to be a big thing for you to celebrate you know it can be a small victory cuz when you do that you are embracing self-love and you’re recognizing that progress is a journey
Right it’s not a destination like I’m still becoming which is going to be the title of my my next book still becoming right because I’m I’m growing every day I’m growing every day I’m learning something new every day I’m embracing more selflove so acknowledge those small victories cultivating gratitude is
Important one of the at my galentine’s event one of the ladies said that she doesn’t really like journal on a regular basis so I said what is what’s what’s in the way and she was like well sometimes I don’t really know what to write so I said why don’t you start with
This simple phrase today I’m grateful for today I’m grateful for and I’m hoping and praying every day we have something to be grateful for right so start with that and so that’s what I told her so you know gratitude gratitude definitely helps Foster a positive mindset you know show showing gratitude
For pro the progress that that you’ve made that’s like earlier that small victory that’s powerful so we have those two acknowledging the small victories cultivating gratitude and the next one is self-reflection you know I I take a minute every day probably when I get home sometimes it’s when I get home
Sometimes it’s right before I go to bed where I kind of take an like a personal inventory like I do some self- evaluation take time to do that on a regular basis self-reflection is powerful for personal grow okay and then the and the next one
This the last one for for this this this topic embracing imper imperfect progress embracing and perfect progress you know healing is not linear it’s not linear sometimes there are setbacks and that’s a natural part of the journey you know that’s relapse is a part of recovery you know the strong and I’m
Christian by the way the the pillars in the Bible like had setbacks Peter has setbacks Noah has set I mean it’s so many of them so it’s a natural part of the journey practice the self-compassion and be resilient there may be setbacks but a lot of times them setbacks are are
Getting you ready for your biggest comeback so let’s go over these again embracing growth and progress requires acknowledging small victories cultivating gratitude self-reflection and embracing imperfect progress so you are not alone finding support on your journey strength comes from reaching out and leaning on others for support together we can provide the path
Towards healing and self-love so that to look like you getting professional help or like I said go to self celebrate recovery for free uh self support groups these are like I said changed my life I would guess you would consider Celebrate Recovery a support group and they have
Them all over the world there is I think one in Dubai which Dubai is an hour from where I live so it’s still difficult for me to to do that on a weekly basis um because I don’t have a car maybe if I had a car I would I don’t
Know uh let’s let’s talk about trusted allly guys encouraging you know friends safe friends and family members who can offer that support and understanding and perspective throughout the healing Journey that’s important and then there are also online resources there are plenty of of resources online where you can
Find help with dealing with Cod dependency help with promoting self-love so these are some ways that you can find support for your healing Journey so again professional help you could seek a therapist a counselor a a coach a life coach uh to help you on the journey to
Se to embrace more self-love in your life support groups like Celebrate Recovery codependence anonymous these definitely help provide safe spaces for sharing and I love that they that I said that because I forgot to mention that with Celebrate Recovery it’s Anonymous and it’s it’s confidential
Like it you have to practice that if you don’t have that it can’t be a safe space for sharing so these support groups provide safe space for sharing Lear learning and receiving encouragement then the next one was your trusted allies find that safe person that can offer support understanding and
Perspective through the healing journey and then find some online resources that will help with understanding codependency and promoting self-love embrace your journey and Tik Tok y’all can’t see this look this is me now like do y’all see there you probably can’t see it but there’s no mask anymore
Like the mask is gone like what you see right now with Kimberly Braxton is what you get love it or hate it this is me like this is me and I now speak up for myself I use my not and I own my not I respect boundaries you know and
I just you know I practice self- Lov and self- validation on a regular basis self-care so embra embrace your journey today I’m happily divorced and I was been haste when I say that but it’s the truth I live a fuller happier life because it’s authentic now there’s no
Mask and I live it I live here in uh Abu Dhabi and I’ll have a big announcement about that coming up soon I treat myself like I want to be treated I take myself out on dates I practice self-care and when the right man finds me I now know how I
Should be and what I want to be treat how I want to be treated instead of accepting whatever comes my way for the sake of being in a relationship or having a marriage allbe it unhealthy so let’s read this quote every step forward no matter how small is a testament to your
Courage and determination keep shining keep growing and keep embracing your journey take a moment to reflect on your on the progress that you’ve made towards your healing journey and self-love celebrate your growth your personal growth recognize and celebrate your resilience and your strength that you’ve demonstrated in overcoming challenges
And embracing them these challenges and change cultivating self self compassion practice it by acknowledging that healing is a process and it’s okay okay to have setbacks and other thing is it’s okay not to be okay because guess what when you acknowledge that you’re not okay that’s the first you know what
That’s actually the first step in the 12 Steps because you’ve taken off the mask of denial and set intentions for the future focusing on and continuing to prioritize self-love growth and well-being in your life so embrace your journey and guess what your journey is not going to look like everybody else’s Journey because
Guess what your history your personal history is not the same as everybody’s personal history so your journey is going to look different and that’s another thing I stopped comparing myself to other people because it robs my joy it robs my you know what it doesn’t even honor God it doesn’t honor God
Because he knows the end before the beginning so he knows my path so I stopped even comparing myself to other people I can’t that I can’t do that because it doesn’t honor God or myself all right so let’s talk a little bit about self Love Now self love involves treating ourselves with
Kindness comp passion and respect when we practice selflove we prioritize our physical emotional and mental health self love is like a flower that needs water and sunshine to grow so think about this question what are the water and sunshine that you need to cultivate self- love
Love in your life throw it in the chat drop it in the chat what I needed was I definitely needed to face and deal with my past I for sure needed that and I also needed to accept who I was so I’ll say the water was dealing with my past and the
Sunshine was accepting me who I am all all facets of me the good the bad the ugly whatever accept it all it’s all me and it’s growing and it’s I’m changing so let’s about the benefits of selflove so practicing selflove for sure leads to more happiness it reduces stress it improves
Relationships with others because guess what the first and most important relationship we have is the one with ourselves that’s why I take myself out on dates and I treat myself to flowers because I like flowers I don’t have anybody to send me flowers right now so I’m gonna send them to myself
So just imagine that self love is a muscle that you can strengthen over time what are some of the exercises or practices that you can do regularly to build and maintain your self-love muscle drop it in the chat one of the things that I do is I think myself I
Sometimes I’ll light candles at home and just have I have a um what’s that stuff called like it’s a the diffuser the diffuser I’ll do aroma therapy and I put on some jazz and sometimes I’ll just do me a nice long bubble bath to show that I love myself I’mma treat myself to
This so drop that in the chat and then the next the next thing let’s talk about the practices that we can Embrace to promote self-love and we touched a little bit on these earlier positive affirmations that has really really changed my mindset that has really honestly I think
That’s the biggest thing that I did for myself doing daily um positive affirmations to show self-love self-compassion and self-care like these are the biggest things that we can do to promote self-love you all can you all drop a check in there or star in there I don’t
I don’t I don’t have people on here to actually be a a shoe Hot Seat volunteer but let’s just focus on these questions how do you define selflove and its impact on your life how do you define selflove and its impact on your life so we already defined it earlier
Right self love involves treating ourselves with kindness and compassion and respect okay and it’s prioritizing our physical emotional and mental well-being it’s impact on my life I would say it helps me stop comparing myself to other people that’s a big one it also helps me understand that I
Don’t always have to be around people like I don’t always have to be in the company of others because I now enjoy my own company I travel by myself you know I travel by myself I’ll I’ll go to concerts by myself okay so I that’s that’s the biggest impact
That it has had on me so you all can drop that in the comment how do you define selflove and its impact on your life let’s look at the next question share past experience that contributed to your self-love Journey share past experiences that contributed to your self-love Journey
You know I’mma tell you it’s for me it’s it’s being it it it has been being a part of celebrate recovery and really understanding that I don’t need validation outside myself like that I think has definitely been the biggest past experience that has impacted my journey with self love like I can
Validate myself I don’t I don’t have to have external validation if I get it oh that’s great that just that’s just a cherry on top right but I already got the cake the icing and all of that because I practice self validation so what do you say can you
Drop it in the chat share past experiences that contributed to your self-love Journey all right so let’s look at this next one identify recurring thoughts or influences hindering self-love identify recurring thoughts or influences that hinder self or hindering selflove for me it was definitely that I used to
Compare oh you know what let me get let me tell y’all what that thought was for me because my wusband was unfaithful so one of the thoughts for me was why am I not enough that was a thought for me because he was unfaithful mult multiple times multiple times
So the thought for me was why am I not enough why am I not enough that was a thought that I used to have now after going through recovery I realized it’s not me that’s his issue that’s his issue that he chose not to be faithful in the marriage
And let by the way let me say this I never say that he it’s all because of him why we divorc no I was too controlling I was manipulative I played the victim I had an emotional affair um what else did I do that’s a lot right there but but I
Was I was a I wasn’t healed I wasn’t healed so I wasn’t I was I thought I was being the best wife I could be for him but I couldn’t do that because I wasn’t healed so that was my recurring thought drop in the chat what was
Yours my recurring thought was why am I not enough I’m so glad I’m over that now I’m so happy I don’t have that thought anymore it’s gone and our last our last one is how do you overcome self-doubt or self-criticism any effective strategies you can drop that in the chat how do you
Overcome self-doubt or criticism or self-criticism any effective strategies so for me overcoming self-doubt generally I would say affirmations because the the thoughts come right the thoughts can come but I’ll I’ll I’ll re I’ll re I’ll rephrase it I’ll I’ll change that thought into a positive affirmation that’s what that’s what I practice
Uh and I think that works for both self-doubt and self-criticism for me so I’m curious about what you all think all right you all we’re coming to coming close to the end of this um can you all drop one or two of your takeaways in the chat I’m curious about H was this
Helpful to you um this again was my first Sparkle Saturday without interviewing a guest because normally I have a guest and I really just wanted to talk about self love I mean I just really really wanted to talk about that so I hope that this was helpful for
You I really do all right so if you want to keep growing with me there are a couple ways that you can work with me so I have a book out that really gets into codependency and and overcoming codependency it’s called Sisterhood Unbound and I have QR codes on this
Stuff if you all want to scan it or whatever um but you can find the book on Amazon and probably some other places where where you read ebooks this is a eBook but this I wrote it to the ladies um so guys if you want to read it I’m
Sure you’ll get something out of it too uh but it’s Sisterhood Unbound um and those of you who are on Tik Tok see the QR code because you don’t see the presentation but again you can find it on Amazon so the whole title is Sisterhood Unbound Breaking Free from codependency chains empowering black
Women to reclaim their identity and Thrive and then if you are interested in working with me one onone there is also this QR code I do a free Discovery call to see if we are a good fit to work together you can book you can book that
Call for free using that QR code um those of you who are on Tik Tok you can just go to Gro inspires sparkle. comom excuse me I’ve been talking for all this time without water um you can go to Gro inspires sparkle. comom and you can um book me
There all right you all also if you want to just keep up with me you can follow me here on Tik Tok however I also have Instagram it’s grow uncore Inspire uncore Sparkle I have a YouTube channel I’m on Pinterest um and Facebook I would love for you all to be
Part of the community and last of all thank you thank you thank you so much for joining this live some of you all stay with me the whole time on Tik Tock I’m I really appreciate you for staying and again you know tell people about um about my um
Tik Tok and tell people like share with them like whatever you took away from this um thank you so much for learn um joining me listening participating and I just want to leave you with this as you Journey forward may you always remember the power to love
Yourself lies with in you embrace it nurture it let it guide you towards a life fulfilled a life filled with joy fulfillment and authenticity all right so today we talked about codependency and how it can impact selflove we talked about some strategies for healing and I just want to remind you
That you are worthy of love and healing and self-compassion and I challenge you also to commit to selflove commit to selflove prioritize your well-being priortize selflove embrace your journey towards personal growth and empowerment and again thank you so much for joining me today and I will see
You soon I’ll see you all on Tik Tock and I’ll see you all on YouTube and Facebook very very soon thank you so much
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