YKWD #524 | Jeff Dye | Jeff Has Grown Up

I had a woman almost buy me a Lamborghini SUV for Christmas because I jokingly talking about it who I I don’t want to say her name she wouldn’t be Comfort famous yeah millionaire but she’s so yeah and she’s so cool know yeah you’d know her and she’s awesome

And nice but in my mind I was I even said to my friends I was like that’s do you know how in like that’s really the next step someone buys you an SUV Lambo like that’s insane take it no I D you take it and then do a b video had a good

Year oh yeah yeah look at what I got yeah baby we’re starting the podcast right now we’re back you know what dude live welcome everybody to the show I started social media and podcasting the fact the ykw dud podcast ywd is back again old school back in the

Day where it all started before them all this podcast is so fun and crazy it has no rules shut up you’re ruining this man sorry it’s a comedy podcast this isn’t NPR that’s what this podcast does is there any better show this is the original what’s up everybody it’s Robert

Kelly back here again ykwd comedy seller Studios above the world famous comedy seller we’ve been here for a long time getting a new studio a lot of CR crazy changes is happening we shoot the regs here uh and I’m back again uh I’m excited to be back but before you do

Anything make sure if you’re watching this on YouTube smash is that what they say smash smash the Subscribe button is that is that right guys yeah the Subscribe button Smash It smash it yeah and what do I do the like button what do they do that flick it yeah flick the

Like crush the smash the sub subscribe button crush the like button and then what are they else they and then and in the comments do some stuff lick the comments yeah lick the comments suck it I want you to smash it lick it and I can’t swear the first 10 minutes right

You losers I’m kidding um do that and if you really want to support the show and make sure these guys get a little money to do this go to patreon.com Rober Kelly become a supporter of the ykwd become a dude over there I think it’s five bucks

10 whatever the you got the money stop it this is America this is America we make money 10 bucks in to you that’s a k macchiato right and Sugar’s free [ __ ] so there we go uh I got a a great guest on I’ve known this guy for a while I met

Him on the other side of the industry not in really I mean we met on the comedy but we got to hang out a little bit on the acting side the the Hollywood side uh Jeff D thanks for having me brother thank you for having me first of

All you have changed dude yeah uh well growing up changes no physically oh physically what yeah you’ve become a man yeah when I I’m this dude when you walked in I was like oh this you you’ve gotten bigger yeah when I met you you were a thin good-look acting boy super

Thin yeah and uh yeah I mean a lot of people are saying this to me like Joe Joe Rogan used to didn’t used to with me and and now he’s like you’ve become like I think mushrooms the state of the world and then also just age I’ve just grown

Up you got you got bigger though yeah you’re phally yeah like when I met you you were you were a boy to yeah sincerely yeah Madonna would have loved you she’d hate you now I hate Madonna I hate she sucks dude I hate her yeah I listen I don’t really hate anybody yeah

But I celebrity way we hate her in that I don’t you know what I’m on to you yeah I’m on to your you’re like a of an evangelist preacher yeah did you see her during the lockdown no I don’t I don’t dude to watch someone who’s been so out of touch with the

World try to pretend like she’s a real person was the grossest thing she was in like a milk bath in her Mansion when we’re all locked inside and she’s going Co is the great equalizer it shows that we’re all the same I’m like we’re not

The same most people oh is this it let me see this yeah oh play this I want to hear sound it’s her trying to be profound wait a minute coolish face it’s hilarious to me that she in a a $26 million yeah and she goes we’re all the

Same Co doesn’t discriminate you know much we’re all locked down that faucet cost 300 bucks yeah I wanted to buy one of those I wanted one of those tubs in my house and I couldn’t afford it do you got the sound yep play it that’s the thing about covid-19 it doesn’t care

About all right stop stop I got to stop so cringy listen stop who she who is she talking okay first of all number one what what minion did she get to oh yeah what during lockdown someone’s in her house filming her if I ever asked one of

These guys to film me in a milk tub and they said yes I’d kick them in the teeth I will pay how much do I have to I I got some bread now how much do I have to give you to recreate this video me 500

Bucks I’ll do it we’re doing it are you going to be fully naked in the tub no you recreate I want you in the tub I have the same tits uh dude this is this is the problem with these people is they have these people around them that like okay that’s

Why I love my comic friends if I have if I was on the road yeah if I was on the road with like Lewis or Big Jay or Dan or Joe and I was like dude I I really need you to I want to I have I want to

Say something and I got into a milk tub with flowers and there’s background music and they they added that after that’s my point that’ be funny if they didn’t that she actually hired a piano guy cut hang on all right let’s go play it again I can’t I hate this I hate

Everybody invol actually you know what I shouldn’t do this Jeff you’re such a I have such a commitment to truth um I mean that’s the gayest thing I’ve ever heard but go ahead really that that I’m so truthful that I’m going to get myself in trouble at all times that’s cool

That’s my point sh something you I I’m going to tell you what you said and you’re going to cringe I have such a commitment to truth you sound like madon in a milk tub such a commitment I have such a Jeff D and I have such a

Commitment burden what I’m about to say is going to hurt me as much as it hurts you I often misrepresent I’m just helping you this is why this why she should have comics about then let’s see if you stick to your guns on this yeah Andrew Schultz did a milkbath kind of

Thing with his dad at Madison Square Garden homo and they they added background music lying you’re lying they added background music where he’s like you told me no that I could sell Madison and even his own dad’s looking at him like uh what there’s no I don’t remember

And then Andrew Schultz is like and because you believed that I could do it I believed I could do it do you think Andrew Schultz walked by Madison Square Garden as a little boy and goes someday what did he know he’s going to be a standup comedian at 8 years old I’m GNA

Say this right now I’m GNA say this right now I love Andrew me too hang on no no no hang on it’s fine I love them yeah do you have kids they added background music do you have kids no I don’t all right listen bro I’m i’ I’ve

Been where you’re at yeah I’ve been where you’re at okay okay but because I have a son yeah if my if my son was like and said some [ __ ] like that to me I got to see it first I didn’t see it let me tell you something

It is beautiful and I’m I’m a big uh I’m a big dad guy I’m a I can tear it up at Movies stuff I don’t need to film that and put it on YouTube for my patreon subscribers see I don’t need to add

Music let me see it let me see it I got to see it if it’s a milk bath if I ever film something like this I hope you call me and say Jeff you’re being a DE on the internet how about you do that for me

Please hang on one second I will hang on let me see it way you never saw this I don’t I don’t his this I like the whole Third Reich look he’s going with is pretty I mean pry he’s walking I mean he’s literally looks like he’s an SS

Commander I think someone’s got to tell this guy hey not everything should be up I mean dude his father’s holding I mean dude just watch no watch the video am let’s get your real take my dream was to one day headline mass in Square Garden

And I would tell people that watch his D all usually roll their eyes or they would like they kind of laugh at the notion of it I told you that that was my dream I said one day I want a headline mass in Square Garden and I remember you

Stop what you were doing and you looked me in the eyes and you said I’ll see you I don’t remember this and it was like really important to me because does he no but look at his I felt like I wasn’t the only person that believed it could happen wow and

Uh I know as as you get older you know sometimes things become harder to remember but I remember everything I remember all the time you put into me and and all the effort that you made and how much you always believed in me and supported me and um it’s made all the

Difference absolutely yeah so the reason I brought you here is uh yeah I want to say thank you for being the most amazing dad ever and the other reason I want to bring you here is cuz I wanted to let you know that uh when my tour comes to New York I’m going

To be headlining Madison Square Garden all right hang on so I’ll see you there all right here’s the deal yeah if I did that to my dad if I knew my dad yeah if we still talked you understand where I’m coming from like to see this and I have a son

And I never had really a dad yeah my stepdad who was he died a few years ago who was kind of yeah and then my real dad I he doesn’t talk to me he wants nothing to do with me so when I see this [ __ ] I’m like I’m I’m kind of it’s nice

But the fact that his dad went wow it’s like I would have been like that’s it [ __ ] I’m in tears give me something I got a sound bed going dad also and I know that he’s going to not like this of course but my point is it’s

Just like some things don’t need to be on the internet right you’re right this is like only fan it’s cringy yeah listen it’s like this isn’t between me and him and his dad it’s between him and his dad I agree with you I have me and my son do

[ __ ] on the internet vulnerable I like I like some people don’t have their kids at all on the internet I’m I’m cool with that my kid likes doing silly [ __ ] with me and I’m fine with that he like he loves coming to shows with me he goes on

Stage with me he loves it and I remember being a kid and I had family members who were in music and they would would bring me up on stage and I remember going to weddings and dancing and being the star and how insane insanely valuable those

Moments were to me yeah that I still have them so to give them to my K can I see them on patreon huh how can I watch those vulnerable moments between you and your kids on patreon is there any way I could subscribe to see the most vulnerable moments between you and your

Children I’d like to get Tey to your family’s most vulnerable moment you have a you have a point there I don’t like moments like that yeah you know the couples that like put like their like these like uh and the first time I ever saw Crystal I’m like that’s

Between you and Crystal dumb [ __ ] I don’t need to see it what you let me watch you [ __ ] too cuz that’s supposed to be between you two I I I hear are you on testosterone no cuz you’ve gotten very manly in the last couple years I

Met you you were an NBC little boy [ __ ] yeah you were like hey man yeah even I hate that Jeff I love like that Jeff but I like this new one better this new one’s Alpha no I uh I hear you dude but here’s the thing I have a kid I do like

I’m kind of in the I would never put a v like my wife it’s like I would never put a vulnerable moment of my son that’s all I’m saying to get people but I UND this dude can we stop for one TR onang but

Come on this is a what he does now okay what he’s doing and I think and I’m I’m just going to tell me if this makes sense to you okay we don’t get TV the way you used to get TV you didn’t get to tell your story you

Don’t get to go to Montreal sell a show put it on TV Ray Romano blah blah blah and tell your story anymore they won’t let us do it okay so what you do now is you do it on the internet on social media you’re telling your story in

Little burst now yeah okay and I think what what what schilz is doing yeah he his that he you’re watching his his reality show yeah is is there and he owns it Y and it’s all his he’s not giving his reality show to NBC or Netflix where you can watch my life or

See my sitcom this is my life and I’m telling you a story right now and it’s not like he’s doing [ __ ] riddles in Chicago if I did this on NBC at least I could blame NBC this was his idea I thought I was going to get to it but you

Really are you really you really are stickler for your truth I just I will be like uh I’ll I’ll be like made me do it you know me brought my dad all the way down I had to lie to his face I had to pretend that something happened when we

Were eight so you don’t think you don’t think that happened I don’t believe any eight-year-old has the uh has Theory cognitive ability to go I will someday sell that out those are man goals those aren’t uh those AR when I’m eight or when I’m 12 or even when I was 15 it’s

[ __ ] just trying to finger chicks like I wasn’t going someday Daddy I’ll sell out Madison Square I just don’t believe it to be if fits a perfect story that he gets to tell in a nice little so maybe you have a point I’m G to give you

This point I don’t think at8 he was like I’m gonna sell that place out because you don’t know how how as as a basketball player as the hallem Globe Trotters right a wrestler yeah what are you going to do like a like a singer when I’m a firefighter I’m going to sell

Out Madison Square guard it’s like I don’t understand he knew he had the fortitude to know that he’d be this successful of a I love them I I like I I like but I like when we do what we do right you know like uh I I’m and I’m not

I should usually say this [ __ ] to to people I rever before the podcast so it’s not on I’m a big fan of yours I’ve been a big fan of yours for a long time I loved Patrice I loved Colin I loved that that Circle of guys I don’t know

What you guys called yourself he’s dead give Mee that’s his hat right over there give me a minute what yeah if you want to put it on wait is that true he comes through the Hat you can put it on and he’ll you’ll actually start talking like

Him he said it to me like I like I didn’t know I know no I’m kidding I say every time somebody says I love B go he’s dead he’s gone he’s gone let go yeah legs yeah he was he was mediocre at best holding on too he was a loud black

Guy with a [ __ ] opinion no I’m kidding the first of his kind so no I’m sorry I didn’t interrupt no no I was just saying like I feel like you guys had this kind of grit that’s coming back around like that there is this new kind of thing happening where guys can be

Guys again in our industry it’s not just like they’re not just putting a bunch of fat bearded guys on Comedy Central wearing flannels talking about you know horses and [ __ ] like there like there’s like a there’s like a movement happened where not a movement that’s a weird way

To put it but at least it’s okay again to talk the way doollo did or the way like Keith Robinson you like like you guys well they they don’t they don’t want I think this is the world though bro I think they do not want Mas masculine men anymore they do what what

That person that guy is that kind of was America we were talking about this on another show Even if you look at other army stuff it’s like it’s all men and then ours is a is a woman with two moms yes and it’s a cartoon it’s like they

They want masculine men yeah gone but I don’t know who they are because I know that women real women yeah yeah they want men right they want a guy that if some something goes bump in the night yeah take care of business this mother they I’ll be right get what get Max I’ll

Be right back CH you know what I mean 100% something goes wrong in the night up yeah she goes Bobby I’m up yeah she doesn’t go I’ve got it I’m an equal yeah [ __ ] off look at my wife will fight me physically she’s from Boston she has no

Pro I’m not that’s the thing I think women think that we think they’re weak or whatever we we don’t I love a strong woman yeah but you know what I mean I think women love strong men whoever they are hate masculinity and they want it out and if you look on every commercial

You’ll never see a guy like you yeah it’s always there if there’s a white dude he’s a nerd eating yogurt he looks like the guy that just made me this coffee you know yeah he’s got a neck tattoo and a stupid mustache and he’s never had meat and here’s the thing I

Don’t I don’t have a problem with that weird I like weird I love weird dudes I love Little Nerd he guys got to [ __ ] somebody that guy’s for him you know yeah I all those when I was in high school dude I remember I hung out with

The jock I hung out with the punks I hung out with the Italians I hung out with and I hung out with the Nerds I hung out with the project people I hung out with everybody I liked every kind of weird little [ __ ] uh subculture in a

High school I I but everybody else kind of hung with their people I’m not into that [ __ ] but the fact that they’re trying to kill masculinity and they want for some reason men men dead is is ridiculous it’s silly and it’s also not it’s not it’s working to their disadvantage cuz

Women like that guy that made my coffee that’s their favorite type of guy not my wife until they need to date some someone yeah and then they’re like hey don’t be a [ __ ] like I want you to be so like like there’s a lot of women that

I know in La that they literally but they wait till them were in secret to be like I love that you have a ton of guns at your house and I love that like you talk [ __ ] to that guy because you know you you made that guy apologize to me

Because what happened earlier like there’s these moments where you got to step up and be a man and they love that but they and when I say they I mean like who the LA narrative you know the what their circle of friends kind of expects

To be like when I worked at NBC I wasn’t allowed to talk about my political stuff or gun well this is the funny thing because I met you we were at the upfronts uh wasn’t it was it no it was a Comic-Con we’re at Comic-Con I was there

For FX sex drugs and rock and roll it was really big the show was second season going into second season and they were really pushing us um and I remember I met you you were doing interviews for NBC you had your own show y on NBC so

You were you were corporate as it came Y and you were you were you were not only corporate you were um you were Network yep that NBC corporate is the highest level of corporate and I met you dude here you are this good-look [ __ ] tall thin tall glass of water microphone hey

What’s up and you you were just the sweetest yeah guy yeah I saw you recently in the last couple years and uh I saw you did something and I I remember I liked it On on Twitter and I was like oh this guy this guy swi he he flipped a

Switch something happened yeah well NBC here’s the thing they make they give you a lot of money and thank you I love the money I’ll never be one of those guys that’s like oh no I love money money’s great yeah uh but I was bought you know

They they say okay you’re not going to say this you’re not going to say this and you will say this and and uh and like if I was there now which I’m not you know they would be saying like hey you need to shut up about not being

Vaccinated or even aside from the political things I know that’s a political example they expect you to conduct yourself in a way and I’m thinking like well this is why we we don’t work in offices as comedians we’re supposed to be like Cowboys for like a

Lack of a better term we’re supposed to be like the guys I like weren’t the guys I was or was on stage you know like the ones that say the things that like you know it’s going to be funny but it’s also going to be just true that’s what

We should be trying to be not just trying to pay rent and and work at a place where they’re going to make you be a I don’t know something broke in the last few years is yeah but I think in the the good way man because you um I

Used to watch your stuff and it was you know yeah K hey what’s going on cat whatever the [ __ ] it was right cat but you you and then all of a sudden I saw you just talking [ __ ] and I was like oh this something happened yeah well

Mushrooms helped and then also um the world’s changed you know like I I haven’t changed any of my views I joke about this like I’m a 2001 liberal yeah right which is just a republican now it’s bad it’s crazy and then I think in

La it means I’m a Nazi I think that I think those that’s that’s the three I’ve changed no views but all of a sudden I’m in this outlaw that needs to be censored because I don’t think men can have their periods like that like that’s insane like that’s how much it’s shifted it’s

Weird yeah it’s weird that I know trans people that are literally like it’s gone too far yeah but I can’t say anything because they’ll attack me one of my best where that’s the they that’s the they yeah whoever that is but look around of like I agree with you like you have to

Look around to tell me you agree with me it’s not that many people they I think we think they is millions of people it I’m pretty sure it’s maybe thousands you’re nailing it and we shouldn’t be afraid of them yeah because what you know what are you gonna do here it’s

Like our job as comedians right is to say [ __ ] up [ __ ] yes like I remember I saw Rogan in in wherever I think it was in Austin or something and he did a joke joke it [ __ ] was so perfect about the word about the word uh dude mhm and he goes I

Never I’ve never ever use towards a gay guy ever ever I only use it when it’s my friend’s birthday when I text him yeah was true but he didn’t say he didn’t say the text the context is brilliant to me it’s like I was I was buckled over yeah

Because it’s true no guy I know is is against mean to never again we gay guys nobody cares right it’s you’re just one of the boys now uh one of my best friends a shout out to Eric roacha brilliant comedian very very like funny guy and his perspective on being gay

Might be the funniest [ __ ] I’ve ever heard he opens for Joey Diaz love Jo uh and and Eric’s like a real one just like one of the real he goes hey would you do this like gay club we’re doing a comedy night would you do this gay I said I

Don’t give a [ __ ] yeah I’ll do I’ll do it and then uh but he made me go last and I’m going I mean there’s all these gay comics in front of me that are crushing you’ve got I’m going to say some outlandish [ __ ] maybe don’t put me

Last you know cuz that’s what it’s going to end on but anyways I was like screw it let’s just do it and I go down the alphabet where I’m just like lgbtq2 plus right like I’m going through the and I’m saying maybe we don’t need all these letters and I start

Eliminating letters basically saying it’s all just gay yeah you know if you don’t count these trans people you’re all just gay yeah like queer have you ever asked a gay person to describe the difference between gay and queer what is it they can’t it’s like like they’re

Trying to sell you a bit point or something like oh there’s a and you’re gay you just be gay so I’m eliminating letters I’m going lesbian that’s just females who are gay just be gay you don’t need your own stupid letter L’s L’s out you know lesbi you’re just gay

You’re a gay chick um so I’m going down the thing and uh and Eric’s nervous because it’s his show and it’s also where you know he frequents to [ __ ] dudes and so he’s nervous you GNA [ __ ] up his you [ __ ] his dick count he [ __ ] Gary you know he’s not going ass [ __ ]

That Gary’s mad no but he uh ass [ __ ] so he anyway he’s uh you know he’s watching with a little more Stakes cuz he’s nervous and he’s like it was the most amazing thing to watch everyone look around like yeah he’s right like this [ __ ] has gone too far like this whole

Weird thing that we’re like subscribing to so cuz cuz things are just latching on to the gay community and being like kind of like here’s what’s funny to me they wanted to just be part of the community yeah they want to be regular but now it’s like you want

To be you want to put regular people where you were right I feel it’s like okay all the hey we’re all together can we just all be together and people are finally going yeah why are we what are we doing what the [ __ ] were these idiots doing yeah let’s or

Imagine fighting for your right now it’s like okay you we’re all together but I’m going to get a little more than you and you need to shut the [ __ ] up it’s like wait a minute that’s not all together you’re just you put me where the other

[ __ ] put you I’m not one of those [ __ ] I’m with with you can’t we I thought we were just going to be in this together that’s how white guys felt during black lives matter it was everyone going let’s unite [ __ ] white people I thought we were uniting right

What happen I would have marched with you yeah I would have been with you but I was terrified yeah you were too busy the finger me historically I didn’t do [ __ ] like that’s the [ __ ] a bunch of History you didn’t go through for a bunch of History I didn’t do uh

But what but what I but he was literally saying like afterwards listening to the conversations of guys just being like yeah we fought so hard to like just be considered citizens and part of the group and now they’re latching on and it’s kind of misrepresenting what the

Gay community is and he was watching this kind of happened he was like that was amazing and I was like well I took a risk and it happened to work out that night right well I look the comics you know the great part is it I called some

Guy a his wife a [ __ ] [ __ ] last night and they laughed yeah she she did something I was like you’re a [ __ ] [ __ ] why you such an [ __ ] his wife and they were cracking up that’s what we do we get to say what we want to say as long as we

Make you laugh when we do it we’re not trying I like people say to me um are you nervous about all the stuff you can’t say anymore I’m like no that’s for actors oh that’s a great response that’s an actor thing yeah Comics we don’t care about that because I have people that

Like my comedy and I’ll always be able to make a living I might not be a gazillionaire right I might not be famous right where you think I’m worthy but I make a lot of money my fans support me so much and I get to do

Whatever the [ __ ] I want also why can regular people be allowed to miss and we aren’t we’re just taking swings you know it’s like why like why when I miss is it such a problem well Kramer swung and really missed I actually thought it was

His best work Jesus Christ I mean he was he was really tell the truth up there he swung and missed and then kept swinging kept swinging it’s like dude you’re out you’re out get off the bug’s bunny just trying to it’s like dude you’re you’re done

Game over dude yeah I mean um it’s funny I I I think that um you know with all this stuff they keep saying it’s going to come back it’s going to come back I don’t think in the industry it’s GNA swing back this way I but I think what

What what you’re doing is you’re actually making a mistake because we’re actually we’re realizing oh I won’t watch your show I just I won’t watch it so you can have you can fake this is a hit show and you can give that thing an award but we’re going to watch

Yellowstone TV TV’s dead we’re going to watch Yellowstone because we like it yeah that’s my show yep we’re gonna we we make Shane Gillis is doing SNL because you guys canceled him but we didn’t exactly that’s the best way to put it the sentence you just said is the

Perfect sentence yeah you when we work we don’t care yeah and we decide yeah we don’t yeah we don’t we do it you did it yeah and we were like oh my God Louie did oh he didn’t do anything read the article I had a girl one night Lou might

Have been the dumbest canc oh dude they they that was a that was an inside job can we go like is there any kind of like retroactive like like with Louie if you look at it what what what do they matter that he asked for consent

You Louie would have to care and he doesn’t I’m glad he doesn’t because IOU Lou would have to want to get back Lo guns if someone did that to me I would like I would be so Ang that guy Louie thank you for your service for literally stand up enduring

That thank you Lou serving your community and doing what you did dying on that Hill for us seriously he really did Jesus because it’s it was so unfair I remember like watching at the time going I’m not going to say anything that I’m not going to like publicly tweet

Yeah that that like you know that like he you know asking a woman to jerk off in front of him and then she says okay and then later having to go maybe I’m so powerful that that consent wasn’t real consent it’s like shut up that’s not how

Things work it well it’s in Hollywood it does which is why Hollywood’s terrible yeah I mean they used to just kill girls who did that yeah yeah I don’t know if we should go back to those times but you know that guy me kill that [ __ ] anyways

Get who said that get theer on the phone you know what I mean I want to talk to Bobby Kennedy kill that [ __ ] throw her throw her in the backyard mouthy I mean back in the day I mean guys did a lot of [ __ ] I but here’s the thing with all

That like if I had a girl you know some girl and like I said I don’t care I like everybody she was a you know left farle okay almost antifa looking girl and I was in a cigar lounge and she was with two gay guys and she was there and it

Was in um where was it uh Madison and uh all right I love that club love it love those people greatest one of the greatest clubs in the in the world but I’m sitting there smoking a cigar and she’s like talking about Louis and Tra

And he did this and he did that and I and I pulled up the article and I go let’s read it yes let’s read it cuz you just said a bunch of [ __ ] and I don’t think you’re I don’t think you read it I think you heard somebody you are

Repeating what somebody told you to repeat and we went through it and I go it’s not not in here once yeah did he block anybody not I go there was one point where the she said well the girl was the girl was uh screaming I go no it

Says laughing she was laughing and SC how do you how you how are you scared and laughing hysterically I go if anything they fat shamed him yeah they saw his little weird dick yeah and then went downstairs and told everybody and laughed about it they made fun of him I

Go if me and Joe list saw you naked and then went into a convention and told everybody how you your weird [ __ ] yeah and your tits are uneven body shaming yeah we would be [ __ ] canceled I go it’s I go this is what he did was maybe

In in appropriate yeah maybe because of work right but this is I I don’t know what you’re talking this is Show Business yeah this is not we got into this business because it’s we’re comedians because I go I want you to go [ __ ] take uh David Bowie Mick Jagger

Every lead singer of every Rock every rapper they all go to jail yeah no but you’re G to give them [ __ ] awards every year yep you’re gonna give you don’t think you don’t think Bruce Springsteen did some weird [ __ ] absolutely David Bowie your hero David Bowie who gave Quaaludes to 15-year-old

Girls and had publicly it’s in his book we’re not going back and judging that no no so you’re going to judge they were really really they picked people for sure who they didn’t like it was it was like okay now look at Harvey Weinstein piece of garbage gone and that’s another

Thing I do want to be clear about is like we aren’t actually I shouldn’t speak for you I I’m assuming you are and I’m definitely there are men who deserve to be in trouble for the way they behave 100% but these should we should use some discretion and actually look at what was

Accused and then do it like Louis when you look at all the things you go all right this is nothing why did why that’s how I met my wife what that’s how I met my wife what I pulled my dick out on a rock there you go first date I didn’t

Ask married and then she was like No And I was like come on she went okay that [ __ ] she was a [ __ ] took a swing for five minutes all right 3 minutes she has a she has a house and a kid we have a life yeah you love her yeah who knows

How look sex is a weird uncomfortable thing how do you how do you how do you get to the point where I’m going to put my penis in your vagina yeah it’s a road you don’t know how to get to yeah and some people make mistakes or some people

Get into thing and yes maybe he was powerful yes he was Louie and and okay so if he was just the guy you met on a bus would you even have talked to him sure nah no no be so you’re you you open for him you love being around him you’re

Bragging to everyone on with Louis next week like I don’t know it was it’s a it’s a it’s a not as cut and dry as you say it is and I agree with you but well I hate to piss off Andy Kindler but uh see that’s another guy

CK unjustly was cancelled and it’s [ __ ] and Louis CK I put Lou and and Dave on the same plane I think Dave Chapelle and Louis are the are the number they kind of share that number one spot but they’re the best comedian working people don’t even bring up

Louis’s name it’s a [ __ ] tragedy to me well yeah he he is he’s the best I think he’s I think he’s the best go back and look at his SNL Monologue where he talks about how the Middle East is like the one thing that’s never changed and

The conflict between it is like when his two kids fight yeah it’s the best take and holds up currently on what’s going on in the Middle East he’s it’s so brilliant think of all the shows he had on the air he had his show he had the

Other show with the girl that he produced he had uh the show with Zack oh yeah I mean these are all things amazing yeah I mean he’s he’s my only criticism of him ever was that like he’d make a special a year like one year and I

Always thought that was like for for how comedically genius he is I thought that was a strange measurement of time cuz I bet like he could make a special you know sometimes a special takes two years or takes a year and a half or or sometimes maybe you goes through

Something you could knock one out in four months you know like he went through something so then that’s that’s ready to go I always thought it was weird that he put this like onee finite measurement on because that’s the way he could that’s the way he worked yeah it’s

Like dude it bugged me because it’s like dude now you set a precedent now everyone’s doing it yeah now everybody’s doing it’s like [ __ ] and they stink yeah yeah you were great this guy’s got a f now Eliza thinks she needs to do a special every year you don’t give a [ __ ]

Anymore you don’t care I love you I don’t care you don’t care I’m trying to be like you guys I love it you’re actually better than us we all [ __ ] got married and we’re all [ __ ] now no you guys are the best um I do remember

One of the first the first time I met you um we were in I don’t remember where we were at I’m sitting at the table just hanging on every word you guys say yeah and uh and you had a someone after the show gave you like it was like the a

Sponsored show of some sort so they gave you a free like Pocket [ __ ] yep and uh and you’re at the table you’re making everyone laugh you’re holding core like you’ve got a rapport with these guys and everything everybody’s just chiming in and doing the thing and then you were

Saying like you were basically asking them while criticizing the pocket [ __ ] like what am I supposed to do with this thing you know like you know this is ridiculous but also like do I keep it like what I am I supposed to [ __ ] come in this thing like you were asking

All you know you having a a thing with the with the and I go don’t come in it you don’t want to get it pregnant and I thought that was very funny you know and everyone including you looked at me like what the [ __ ] what are you what are you

Trying to do jokes here and I was like yeah that’s kind of the job thought that’s what this table was you guys just did a thousand jokes no and I looked like such a [ __ ] jackass and I just sat there quietly the rest of the time

And then I spent like a year being like I think Bobby Kelly hates me dude like I made a stupid joke I thought I could get in dud you know how many times I’ve done stuff down there and they just turn to me and go ghh oh dude that’s just that’s

The table that’s the table it had when you chime in especially if you’re a new dude and no one knew me dude I’ve I’ve saw dude I’ve seen dudes cry really I think I saw if tear up that checks out and left left like he didn’t come back

Since I think I was so mad at Eddie for a little while why cuz uh Eddie’s I like Eddie but like you know he’s not out there living you know he’s not out there that’s not true he’s living he’s got a great life and a beautiful family and I

I really like him but like he’s not out like being Wild guy yeah you know he’s he’s not going on he’s in Australia right surfing chick and uh you know this crazy night happen you know he’s not like making these kind of Road stories that are you know glorified on these

Podcasts or situations like this you know getting arrested sucks but it makes a great story you know and so Eddie if hasn’t he hasn’t done he doesn’t do a lot of this he’s just a good guy so he goes on Rogan until some terrible version of me and my buddy Brant robbing

A a sports bar and so then Rogan’s like these guys sound like douchebags so then I wake up to 200 text messages saying like oh you know Rogan and Eddie if were calling you a douchebag on the podcast and and I was going the [ __ ] is Eddie if telling my story for

I robbed a sports bar did you I get the [ __ ] credit for it you know you don’t yeah yeah you don’t get to go on there and half ass tell my story also when I tell the story it’s punched up it’s ready to go like you know like it’s your

Life yeah it’s my life and but he was involved with the story Eddie if wasn’t he wasn’t even in it no he wasn’t even in the same state he just talked about your you hear about these comedians that like and then he was going what the [ __ ]

Dude but so I was mad at him for a little while for that like I was like come on just don’t tell tell your own stories I was mad at him a little while too for something yeah yeah I don’t know I’ve never told the story yeah but I’ll

Tell you if you want to hear it yeah let’s hear it we’ll get him back a little bit I look I love Eddie I love Eddie too and I think that what he was when I first met him I think we were all kind of desperate for fame yeah and

Desperate you know we’re all in the city New York City back in the late 90s early 2000s we’re all just trying to make it so I get it yeah and now I’ve seen him recently he’s happy he’s got family surfing he’s in Australia he’s like a

King out there all that [ __ ] but when I F you know we’re all kind of this we um we were downstairs this is back in the day before I was with my wife got to time stamp these [ __ ] things oh you have to say that broad listens but it was way before my

Wife um and dude we hooked up with these girls and uh I think NYU students nice one of the SMART Girls white girl dreadlocks smoking hot all right take it back well I hear you but they were hot she was hot she made it look good and

Then there there was a lesbian girl and then there was this blonde girl and what the lesbian do just wait outside well we had this old guy this old comic was with us me Eddie and this old comic Barry crims dude like that but a little little that

Type of dude right just I mean old yeah and so we all go down the street down here and we’re like yeah we’re going out we’re talking I was and then Eddie’s like hey why don’t you come back to my place with me with the blonde girl and

Blah blah so I go back to the the the [ __ ] apartment like these these chicks are in bunk beds they have bunk beds I mean they’re they’re college girls right real college girls so me and the older dude and the lesbian and my dreadlock chick go back to their place

This girl’s back to Eddie’s place so we’re waiting there all night me and this girl we hook up in the bunk bed I mean we’re doing all kinds of [ __ ] crazy we’re in the living room I mean I’m wearing a f she had like a fake fur

I’m wearing it naked doing gags dude I was I was just naked in a fur and she we would just I mean it was so hot I looked down the hallway this old dude’s going down on the lesbian that’s am how do you finagle that I don’t know I don’t but

I’m like I’m like thumbs up and the lesbian sticks it she’s like thumbs up but she’s like she just let happen maybe because he’s so old doesn’t like the lesbian’s like uh my girlfriend has a mustache it’ll be like the same thing yeah like there’s a certain age after 50

You’re a lesbian you know what I mean if she’s 21 and you’re 50 that’s that’s gay sex I like her state of mind so I’m not going to say no to a guy going down on me dude it was one of the greatest sexual crazy nights and I’ve had a lot

Of them at my when I first moved to New York yeah I me just epic so we’re on the roof watching the sun come up I mean I’m in my pants no shirt and a fur right the sun we’re on the roof New York City The

Village yeah with my chick leaning on me I don’t even know this BR he’s with this lesbian she’s leaning on him him right yeah and then all of a sudden this Blan comes up slams the door to the roof oh my God we’re like where were you cuz

They were supposed to meet us at the house right we’re watching the sunset cuz we don’t know where you are yeah we’re thinking what’s up but maybe they hooked up he wouldn’t let me leave what so I should should I tell this let him should I tell this yeah

Let’s I feel bad I love you Eddie but this happened so [ __ ] you and a long time ago and you can come on the show and tell your version if there’s another version but this chick came in we’re like what she was like she was hostage

Oh no she goes well he lived with the sister at the time who was in the business yeah and he um she was like uh he was uh like you can’t my sister if she wakes up I’ll get you can’t leave right now so he he started putting tapes

Of his sets in no he was watching see this is the things we got to hold each other account yes so she was like he made me watch his comedy which I was like okay but then he and then I I was like I’d like to can we

Go he’s like no we can’t my sister she’s like okay so then he took out his his new head shots my gosh he put them on the bed and he made me pick my favorite like help me choose I’m talking hours finally she’s like I I just I’m

I’m gonna leave he goes no he go I just walked the [ __ ] out I had to go aming she goes I I I felt like he wouldn’t let me leave so why would it matter if his sister woke up how about this who cares how about this quietly you have some sex

Yeah right right she came back to your house your sister’s there she’s still hanging in there well maybe they did have sex and then oh no they didn’t cuz I was going to say maybe he’s just worried about her walking by said either way she was so bummed out that he didn’t

Try that’s why she was like I go well you had sex she goes he didn’t do anything really he wanted me to watch is comedy yeah if you like there’s worse than making someone watch your standup that’s wild dude if you made me watch my standup I’d throw up well anyone’s I

Can’t well actually I make people watch other people stand like like I show them like a video or something but your own to be like hey what do you think of this bit I did if I told my wife hey baby can you she’ be like no really no I’m not

Well just go make the money [ __ ] chubby tits yeah you’ve done this forever you know how to do this go get money I want steak go get money that’s such a great but yeah it’s it was a weird it was dude weird weird situation yeah what year was that you think Jesus

I can’t early yeah early Eddie hasn’t lived here for eight no he lived here yeah he lived here I mean we were all struggling and [ __ ] we’re eating my moons because we couldn’t afford anything or we did spots at the cell just to get food you know we had food

Spots here and [ __ ] like that did you ever see that Jud Appel film I think it was called funny people yeah it was such a somebody and I wish I could give credit to who said this but they were like it’s the perfect comedy movie because the it’s the first half’s funny

And the second half is just a comic trying to get out of whatever terrible situation he made with a girl after the show right whole second half it’s just like at Eric bana’s house for some reason and stuff like that and it’s like it’s kind of like that like the show is

Fun there’s all this thing and then there’s this weird side where it’s just us trying to get laid or like trying to hang out with girls when it goes wrong it goes wrong but when it goes right that’s the best it go right it’s the

Best yeah yeah I mean I I’m I’m thinking back man yeah I had so many so many good times as a young comedian can you think of a better profession um yeah what lead singer to a rock band oh yeah everybody You Comics always love rock rock and roll you’re a

Comic too what do you mean you Comics oh so well um we’re Comics but I mean like I don’t have the rock and roll thing I don’t really care I’m not a big music dude that way I just love going on stage and go what’s up how you guys do like

That you know that’s [ __ ] cool I would do that I mean because you walk out in front of the crowd and be able to sing and just [ __ ] put your foot up they do have that after that party lifestyle which is fun but plus the clothes like when I was on that sex

Drugs in rock and roll to wear to wear those [ __ ] up clothes it’s fun it’s just fun like I the reason why I love comedy and Louis Lou is a part of this too I remember I saw one of his specials and he just had a stain on his shirt he

Didn’t care that’s a Tim Dylan one thing I all the guys in my life if you saw the dudes I hung out with people people are shocked because what I love about people is that when they have the attribute I don’t have like I’m pretty vain but like

They aren’t my friends will just dress like terrible and I’ll bring him to like this really nice restaurant with my industry friends my friend’s like you brought this guy I like that guy’s hilarious and Brilliant he doesn’t give a [ __ ] about his shirt I love that you

Are not creative at all and you care a lot about your shirt but like I love guys like like Tim Dylan I think he had a stain on his shirt on his special the one thing I would love about standup comedy is that like we can just I can go

On stage I work on a hoodie yeah it’s awesome yeah I have I have gay bracelets on it’s cool you know that’s why fans gave me think of a cooler profession I used to think athlete but the truth is athlete you get called Old at like 36

And then you can’t you know after like the only people who know who you are are a bunch of guys like me you know who are like oh I watched you when you played at Vandy like they don’t want that they want chicks and then the chicks that do

Know them don’t really know them they’ve been told that’s a football player and so then they come over like money do you have money you so like it’s it’s that so like athletes out I used to think that was out and they have to do that they

Have to tow the line of corporate America yeah cuz if you’re it’s all corporate yeah it’s all corporate all the beer everything’s Corp Tom Brady almost got canceled the closest you can get to be canceled just for having a magaga hat in his locker yep when when when nobody even really thought Donald

Trump was running at that point like everyone thought it was a joke like everyone thought he was kind of running as a goof but uh well that’s what freaks I mean this like even rock and roll so for like let’s take that for for a second mitt Jagger sure yeah you know

That that that’d be great to be M Jagger what a life you know but like I don’t I’ve I’ve seen Pearl Jam in concert I don’t know 20 times and I wouldn’t recognize the guitarist or the basist if if they were at a grocery store yeah but

Eddie veter I know Eddie veter is a God Be Good to Be Eddie veter that’s what I mean when I said I didn’t want to be a b lead I don’t want to be a [ __ ] want be le you think I want to play I don’t

Want to I don’t want to play bass I know but that’s tough to be that it’s tough to be the guy I want to be the look it first of all we’re Comics we are the front gu we are the front but I mean like I would want to be the lead singer

Yeah or a drummer but if I had my choice I mean I remember when Eddie veter walked out at the Boston Garden dude he’s the best and he walked out didn’t say a word just looked and then just went and the place went yeah and then he went

Like this deserves looked that dude every scent he’s made every grain of attention that guy gets he deserves it yeah I mean he’s just great yeah the Louis of his industry in my opinion like Westar is like songwriting yeah performance and then he’s a nice guy I

Don’t want to get into any of his [ __ ] because my luck he’ll be some woke [ __ ] and I’ll [ __ ] be like oh you’re a dou well here’s the thing it’s like that Madonna bringing that Madonna thing back up I want to read here’s the problem with her though she has nobody around

This happens with a lot it happens with Comics too when they get money yeah when they get money they start just doing stupid [ __ ] AG because they surround themselves with nobody who’s GNA now I’m you know what I’m saying I think that in a certain instance that you have to

Believe in yourself you have to have you know some type of confidence and know where you’re going and you can get there but you need people around you to go you’re a [ __ ] I saying about the Andrew thing yeah I love buddy I think it’s great keep killing it but like you

Someone’s got to tell you when you’re doing cringy stuff that’s pretty Hey Bert stop talking about your $5 million watches like like we love you dude we’re so happy we want I like the fame I like that you like the fame I love you I got

BS back all day I’ll [ __ ] fight for that dude if someone [ __ ] with him but we don’t need to hear about the the you know I I said you know what I had a good year I’m going to buy A99 billion watch and you’re like all right no one can

Relate to they’re giving you $10 on patreon a month like just keep that to yourself ran don’t Rogan doesn’t go on and brag about Rogan’s doing good financially you think yeah crushing it you think yeah a few Mill here’s a problem with people who he doesn’t go on

There and go look at all this [ __ ] I bought this week here’s a problem with people who make a lot of money and we had sigur on here he’s a you know gazillionaire too yeah and uh it’s like dude just just buy me something yeah you

Know you know what I mean like if I was to take you after the show I was like hey man let’s go we’ll go for some Stakes yeah I’d do that that’s not a big thing for them to buy me Alexis it’s the same thing as me buying you a steak I

Had a woman almost buy me a Lamborghini SUV for Christmas your dick jokingly talking about it who I I don’t want to say her name she wouldn’t be Comfort famous yeah millionaire but she’s so yeah and she’s so cool I know her night yeah you’d know her and she’s awesome

And nice but in my mind I was I even said to my friends I was like that’s do you know how in like that’s really the next step someone buys you an SUV Lambo like that’s insane take it no I I can’t [ __ ] you take it and then do a Bert

Video had a good year oh yeah yeah look at what I got yeah but here’s the thing with like I told you before um like even like schy yeah his his whole thing is revealing right yeah revealing his life as a story and he has to tell a story so

He had to have that moment right yeah and I get it I understand to us we’re like ah come on dude what the [ __ ] that’s personal but the way he makes his money is revealing all his life all that [ __ ] he reveals all the [ __ ] behind the

Scenes and stuff like that so that’s just a he built up a moment for social media which is his sitcom which is his reality show so it’s like that’s how he makes his money man showing his life yeah I mean at all times I yeah I never

Like respect things just cuz it makes money like my wife I don’t I don’t my wife we not even connected on social media yeah she wants nothing to do with anything ever like the rock no one even knows what his wife looks like it’s very hard to find out who the Rock’s with

He’s been with this woman she’s supported him like not financially but she’s emotionally supported he’s married to Kevin Hart I believe that there’s more Poise with them together for sure and they’re definitely [ __ ] but the uh but like like even after his wife had their last daughter yeah the photo was the rock

With his shirt off with his with his like baby on the chest like he didn’t even put her in that photo like it’s it’s a completely thing that’s to protected and it’s it’s vulnerable it’s like you need to keep that to like have like some whatever so I don’t know just

Kind of crazy yeah I would never I would I don’t think I but but you know look it’s like these like I said it’s like this type of [ __ ] though right here I think is different than what Andrew did Andrew was telling look he’s playing the garden he built

This thing up whatever the [ __ ] I mean do I believe he was eight going I’m going to play that I mean yeah you got a you got a goddamn good point but this [ __ ] is complete narcissism oh it’s terrible and she uses it to try to pretend like we’re all the same like

She’s like it’s we’re all it really proves that we’re all I think she says it I had a I had a friend of mine during this pandemic I was panicking yeah CU I didn’t I didn’t have I’m not a I’m a thousand a yeah yeah you know what I

Mean well you you’re doing good I’m doing all right but at the that D dude I needed those gigs I need the money I was making it’s not like you can just I can take a year off yeah on Rogan he goes you know during this is L happened this

Week he goes uh you know that these you know these like Zoom Comics during lockdown I go Joe yeah I’m a zoom comic during lockdown like I I was doing Zoom shows yeah because we had to like it blew his mind I go dude you got to get

Out of this little circle that you’re in cuz like you know you a lot of the people you keep company with they were doing Zoom shows you know like the like oh the comedy shows the standup shows yeah I was I was doing comedy in my

Kitchen on a computer dude I I was doing uh podcast with Mike Calta every day seven days a week I was doing I was I mean he actually stepped up he was one of the only friends yeah when I was like dude I don’t have uh any money coming in

I don’t know I don’t know what the [ __ ] I’m going to do like I got you and he goes dude we’ll do a podcast we’ll charge money my fans your fans will D we did cter and Kelly for three years I forgot you guys did that we did that

Dude and he did it he did his radio show 5 days a week four hours a day and then we did Cur and Kelly every night which is awesome I mean he’s one of the only guys that stepped the and Louie Louie called me are you okay nice and I went

I’m I I’m not but I don’t want anything because when I do if I do ask you you know I really need it yeah I do so if I I don’t want to I want to go through what I have to go through but if I do

Come to you I really do so I don’t want anything but thank you he sent it anyways have a similar story Joe Koy came to my house during lockdown and just out of nowhere comes to my house he gave me like a the the original reason

That he came to my house was because um he wanted to look at your teeth so he could replicate them so Joe uh bought like a deadlift shrimp Jersey I’m a big Seattle sports guy okay and he had bought this deadlift shrimp Jersey on the road and he’s I’m

Going to give this to Jeff D Jeff’s a big Sonic guy and so I’d been on his tour bus for a long time and so he used that as an excuse to come to my house and then he goes are you good though and I’m like I’m okay I’m doing Zoom shows

Everything’s good like I I have saved up money it’s just weird to not have money com coming in you cuz at the beginning we didn’t know what was going to happen like lockdown was scary and so he’s like oh you and he gave me a bunch of money

Yeah just that’s great it was the nicest thing and it’s also like cuz I I think of Comedy as like a fraternity you know like we’re like we’re all in this together I might [ __ ] tease guys and criti but like at the end of the day it’s Comics first like it’s my only

Group I got when you’re a straight white guy you don’t have any groups no can’t be like oh me and my brotherhood that’s their God I forgot that’s not I got nothing yeah got this now I got yeah they told me this is now a bad one oh that was all made up

[ __ ] it was all it was a scam yeah and so uh you know for him to do that I was just like man this is such a cool comic move to just be I have millionaire friends yeah millionaire friends who called me up and said are you all and I

Was like you all right and I’m like nah yeah and they’re like yeah dude I’m like it’s tough dude he goes yeah he I one of them go we’re all on the same boat yeah Milk Bath boat I I had a joke in my I’m like you have a boat like I

Don’t I don’t have a [ __ ] Bo what are you talking about how about some money we’re not in the same boat brother yeah you you can not work for four or five years and you’d still be good oh yeah I I needed that the gig I had next weekend

I needed that yeah I had some [ __ ] to pay right that’s the thing is like we would never think that so it’s it’s you know you think Bobby like we I I have you on this like mental pedestal I would never think well well here’s the thing I

I I’m doing better than most and I but at that time it’s like you know I had I had all this [ __ ] happening yeah I think like people don’t understand this industry you go up yep and you make all this [ __ ] you know like I just heard Josh brolan talking and before No

Country for Old Men he goes I did that for nothing that movie didn’t pay me anything I was broke really he’s like I was broke I didn’t have any money and um then I did um he did that um did it for nothing it was a Cohen Brothers film he

Did it for nothing they didn’t pay him money he didn’t there was no money for that movie and then he goes I did the uh American Gangster and I had a little p little piece of the end you know that you never right he goes that movie did

So good my agent sent me the check and it was I saw the six and it was I thought was 60,000 it was he was he there was another yeah dot it was 6 million it’s a good dog he started to cry yeah because he’s never had that money where you can

Not worry yeah you know actors only get paid when they act and those residual residuals go down Comics you know what I mean like I had some money I had a house I had a family I had 40 shows lined up for the year the first time in my career

My agent called me up dude you’re done I don’t have I can’t book you any more gigs so I was doing so good yeah with this touring [ __ ] and I was set for the year I was like this is great yeah and that was after you know because we did

The uh FX [ __ ] and that money goes quick awesome people think that you make that money but that after agents take 10 manager takes 10 government takes 35 and life happens you know think about your check you make 10 grand you’re making what 3,000 of that yeah 3,000 of 10 when

You have all these people lawyer agent manager government cocaine and then you got alcohol hookers yeah Kentucky Fried Chicken you got to eat right Bim Bop bip I mean this right so it’s like at that time man I was [ __ ] bad also Banks Don’t Like Comics and actors in that way

Right because you you want to see that they want to be able to see that you have things coming in yeah and if you go oh I work just every weekend and this is what I usually make and I’m hoping that the club brings you know what I’m saying

Like that’s tough to prove to a bank and same with actors they might make a big nut on a movie but then you know who knows when they’re going to get their next thing they don’t even know got audition they got like they don’t know

Buying a house as a comic is one of the hardest things ever because I have a business that all my money goes to yep it doesn’t go to Rob Robert Kelly makes nothing right not you makes all the money and if you want like lower taxes

Which isn’t much but if you want lower taxes you go oh I’m not going to pay myself out of that business account very much so then when you try to go get a home or buy anything like you make no money you make this well technically I

Have a business called and then that it’s it’s it’s a weird thing but um um yeah go back to this this this is got it what I do love about you very unbrand for you is that you could only make it through about 6 seconds of this before

You started because that’s how I hate cringy and terrible this is because I hate I hate that we worship these people the same people that hate hate men yeah fall in line to this hor [ __ ] terrible and if this is to me they think it makes women stronger I really don’t believe it

Does I think it makes you weaker I’ll have him find it instead of my phone to see the [ __ ] I want you to watch this but then there’s also her dancing recently at a conert I’ve seen it and you’re like I’ve seen it Jeff and it’s it’s it’s and nobody will [ __ ] say

You’re an idiot yeah looks [ __ ] I mean scary and weird it’s it’s like you’re [ __ ] you you really need more money yeah play this stupid [ __ ] she looks like a ghoul I hate her I can’t stand her how rich you are how famous you are how funny you are how smart you

Are where you live how old you are well the Amazing Stories you can tell what pause this for a second the only thing that would would validate this if she farted right now in a bubble came up behind amazing I’m just like you I mean fart in a milk bath there’s there’s nothing

About you that is any we can’t look at look at to the left what the [ __ ] is that [ __ ] that you have we can’t get she just pretended because it’s some type of bath salt that comes from children’s eyelids I hate when people PR exactly she got it from the clintons

I hate when people pretend to be enlightened that like like she’s thinking that this is so deep and look at how like oh we I’m doesn’t matter how great the stories you can tell or how funny you are she’s just naming her own narcissistic things she thinks she is

She’s like it doesn’t matter how much money I have or how great my stories are how fun CU she thinks she’s funny which is hilarious that she thinks she’s funny um Jim Carrey does it now where he walks around and he speaks in circles in an attempt for you to think he must

Be higher minded you know where he’s like life is isn’t real it’s uh it’s beyond the S you wear on your chest it is more you aren’t here I aren’t I’m not here and you’re like shut the [ __ ] up dude you’re just a really good actor and

A really brilliant uh comedian but you are you are not you know roomy I know you read some [ __ ] smart stuff that doesn’t and he’s stealing it as his own so annoying but that’s what she’s doing well Jim car it’s like Jim you weren’t even a good standup bro right you did

Good on on on a TV show but he’s a brilliant comedic actor he’s a he’s great yeah one of the best it was great yeah at the time but also like just because someone’s really good at that doesn’t make them profound like the guy walks around like you know in this weird

Depression he’s like when you don’t have to worry about money yeah when you don’t have to worry about bills yeah when that is just erased from your life yeah what do you have to do I’ve with money and success become more myself and more like oh yeah like

Every day like this shit’s important so you hit it right there not the opposite no right no she’s mentally ill yeah so with money she became more mentally ill that’s it yeah that makes because that right there what I see right there I see a very sick person sure who needs needs

To have this moment I the her drug her cocaine her heroin her food her sex is a tension right dry and the thing that Co did is took away her attention yeah so I need to I need to get a camera in here we need to get a sound royaltyfree sound

Bed of some creepy music and I need to sit in it can’t be regular water it’s got to be milk cuz I I needed to be milky because I don’t want him to see my [ __ ] old tit she’s so gross so and I I don’t want to see my Fallen

Vagina through the clear water and she’s having this moment because she needs the attention because that’s her drug it’s terrible yeah they they they all they all seem to get to a place but it’s like nah nah we see right through it yeah kind of like the audience in standup

Comedy yeah they can sniff through some [ __ ] they go ah this isn’t real is it some of them can some of them [ __ ] like a lot of [ __ ] yeah where I guess when I’m in Ohio I mean I think Ohio’s great but no I mean it’s F let’s

Watch what’s terrible about it is what’s great about it what’s terrible about it is it’s made us all equal in many ways I mean yeah we’re all equal yeah we’re all equal in many ways you have a million dooll mansion you are not equal to anybody you

Are not you’re you’re in an and the fact that they try to get us to give money yeah I love that too that’s when The Rock and Oprah got in trouble What in Maui oh yeah because they were like hey we set up a thing for you guys to give

Money guys you’re you’re a billionaire and you’re a billionaire you give the money and you live there you have a invest you have an interest in this you know this is your you have a tattoo on your whole arm has [ __ ] history I’ve seen you do

That I’ve seen you do that dance also Oprah uh I’m pretty sure you’re the one who set all these [ __ ] fires why why is your house covered in blue and not being lasered by the PE powers of me all right do what you got listen are you

Into all this stuff cuz if we’re going to get into this I’m get into it I’m down right so I’m into all of it but I’m I’m into all of it like I’m not like we got a buddy you know Sam tripley I love Sam tripley my favorite thing about Sam

Is like uh there’s this comic who I don’t want to give the rub to because I hate him but he’s got a good bit where he goes you don’t believe in any conspiracy theories you I mean like that’s that’s wild to not believe in any like there’s some that are are

Reasonable but I always think the adverse of that bit with uh Ari shaffir or no AR with Sam tripley Sam believes all the conspiracy yeah there’s not a single one he doesn’t think is real I know I’m like you surely you don’t think the Earth is flat and he’s like oh the

Earth’s flat and I was like oh you believe that one like you even believe that like can I say something though yeah the whole Moon thing yeah I mean now that they’re starting to show you footage and you’re like oh you can’t see the stars right you’re like why can’t

One also that the the what’s the guy um who that made the The Shining yeah what’s the St Stanley Stanley cubric he like said yeah they yeah they hired me like like he was like like before he died when they can’t kill him I think

You can find a video of him admitting to yeah but they also uh the dude from the Beatles said that Paul wasn’t Paul that is before he died there’s some crazy ACC like there’s a whole documentary that Paul from Paul um um what the [ __ ] is his name McCartney died in a car

Accident they replaced him with another Paul that’s ridiculous yeah dude they go through a lot of crazy [ __ ] okay and I’m a I’ll dude it I’ll flip me too if you give me two reasons I’m like probably true that’s good enough for me I’ve become a Democrat Republican independent

I the Same Day exactly I’ll come home I’ll be like we’re voting for Biden I don’t care if he doesn’t talk and he and he smells kids you talk about that on stage it’s really fun yeah I am I’m a flip flopper dude I am too but I also

Think that that’s good it means like when you hear evidence you go okay that’s good evidence that’s what a good judge would be or a good jury would be but I will say like the moon thing in my opinion I don’t think it’s unlikely that

We just went to space and not the moon and then like in an effort to tell Russia [ __ ] off look we’re already up here look we’re playing golf we we brought a car up here we’re driving a little dune buggy around yeah but how they get the car what do you mean like

Okay they that’s the thing that’s my point that that’s all fake the golf and the flag and the all that’s recreated because we didn’t really go to the Moon we just went to orbit and then we’re like look we’re out here you go to you jump to a movie set and

They’re doing all the movie Set [ __ ] and then Russia goes they beat us let’s just shut down the Space Program like I I could see that being cuz you know how many astronauts they killed before before real quick worst Russian accent I’ve ever heard he I don’t I don’t I

Didn’t try to you just turned into a little rascal ha they beat us that’s how the Russians took that defeat like [ __ ] dude they should have uh I don’t have a Russian accent so I did you know they beat us they beat us they beat us

Shut it down they shut us they got to play golf we were going to play rugby yeah they they’re upset we were up there fooling around that’s why some of those images are reversed you know it’s like the same thing of a guy hopping this way

And then the next day they show him hopping this way and it’s like they were trying to really make it look like it’s fake yeah also speaking of accents how come nobody talks like Kennedy anymore oh that accent that voice is gone well nobody talks like the way women used to

Talk like rich women back in the day like breakfast at Tiffany darling darling that’s a that’s a dead accent they replaced it with this one women rep hi can I get a coffe Grande literally am starving I am listen Jeff I know that you want to have sex with me I’m not

Going to just swallow Jill on an MD like literally like match my energy like read the room literally if you’re going to come in my mouth I need at least some bread to absorb the load that’s disgusting that’s disgusting but uh no but Kennedy they did that’s a new choose

To go to the moon and you’re like I’ve never heard that voice do you think in the in the 50s if you went if you were a girl and you’re going oh my God we’re going to war again they they would be like what the [ __ ] are you what is this

Person yeah yeah I don’t and I I blame La for it don’t be mean to the [ __ ] girl that’s what they would say oh she’s a tad [ __ ] believe her um yeah la I think that all that came out of La that sing kind of yeah yeah vocal fry yeah

Horeshit like the gay accent that’s made up well that that’s just peacocking so everyone else knows you’re gay I heard that I was talking to an anesthesiologist and he said when gay guys come out of the anesthesia they talk they talk regular yeah so it’s kind

Of like this that was great man no it’s like this it’s like a [ __ ] what the [ __ ] oh my God I need a I need a cracker do you have orange juice hey it is weird I went to school with a guy who uh you know just you talk like me

And you and then like literally came out of the closet and he’s like I’ve been gay my whole like that was your secret voice too you guys all just talk alike now I don’t it is funny I mean talking gay I wish we could do it I think it’s

Their way of just saying like that way when they like you know there’s a cute guy at the table there working you know they’ll be like um all right could to start you guys with anything it’s like just his way of being like I’m a gay guy

If you guys are interested it’s a code yeah yeah that mustaches just a mustache get funny on a sitcom though if it was too gay guys and then when they’re in their apartment they just talk regularly don’t dud pass me the Xbox remote you want pasta or you

Want Z what CD you want zi or Linguini all right cool they answer the phone dude I hello I got Cubans hang on one second hey we’re here staying in tonight we’re be oh yeah I’m tired we’re going to we’re going to stay with the dogs anyway

Have fun though get crazy shot for love Madonna wish we could go bye these [ __ ] queers guys I mean they party seven nights a week they need to get a [ __ ] life I mean what the [ __ ] man yeah they need to find Love Like Us Gary

Yeah dude what’s up love you man love you dick um yeah it’s it’s a it’s a weird accents are very weird there was another one too um the uh I mean the um uh the nerdy uh accent you know like you know that I don’t yeah I think that’s just

Autism forever is it autism right because I met a girl that is autistic and I was like oh that’s like yeah it’s a very like matter of fact robotic kind of yeah uh gosh I’m trying to think of a good example of it cuz I’m not trying to

Sound intensive it really is this kind of like look at that they’re right there I saw just look over there remember the guy that Judah Freelander played on American Splendor yeah that was great when he’s like Harvey do you consider yourself a nerd you know like that like

Very it’s very formula kind of matter of fact articulate yep yeah there’s no he’s not trying to have a personality it’s just I think like the Kennedy thing was a Boston thing but it was actually a a Cape Cod kind of hyport thing like Boston people talk we [ __ ] talk like

This kid you [ __ ] I’ll murder you and your [ __ ] mother your [ __ ] sacker that’s Boston [ __ ] you your Co I’ll [ __ ] slice the tires on your [ __ ] C right now that’s what I grew up with how does Alex Edelman not have that accent I was talking to him yesterday

Cuz he’s the most Boston kid in the world oh because he’s not he didn’t grew up with any of those guys he grew up in a you know affluent area yeah nice jewi no I hung out in Medford I grew up with [ __ ] dudes [ __ ] Mikey o Mike dots

Jake gags Frankie Paula Castro isn’t it [ __ ] though that that everyone’s claiming Boston it’s like there’s because that that’s tough I mean no Boston is um big yeah Gman doesn’t talk like that he’s from Boston he grew up in a different Alex settlement like area it’s a different world you know what I

Mean he grew up in the Jewish Community yeah stuff like that you know what I mean uh they don’t talk like that my [ __ ] [ __ ] Italian irish guys talk like that what I love is when you get a a black Boston dude oh yeah and he’s

Like dude where the [ __ ] are you going dude the socks are on in eight minutes you [ __ ] [ __ ] that’s hilarious I’ve never met a black guy oh it’s the best there’s a couple I knew a couple black dudes that talk like that it just makes me laugh that’s like that’s like uh

English people talking American you know what I mean oh yeah when they switch their accent up it makes me laugh but um yeah Boston Boston accent was that but they I don’t know that was a weird accent back in the day that they had I loved it I listened to his whole speech

It was almost like a a petri Farms remembers oh yeah remember that well ask not what you can do for your country beauti but what type of cracker you can make for yourself it was a weird accent but those guys were pieces of [ __ ] oh I

Mean I don’t know 100% we’ have probably been like that back then well that’s the thing that we took away is that you can’t like politics was is the original Hollywood I think that K was oh for sure like it was celebrity kind like it was

Like this Hush Hush kind of dude all that [ __ ] when I watched like the the uh Adams with uh who’s that guy who played that yeah the guy from American Splendor Paul G Marti Paul gar you watch that and you’re like oh my God there’s so much that’s so show business they took

Everything from all the stuff in Showbiz is from politics well that’s why they killed Kennedy it’s like dude this guy’s not playing ball you got to play ball or kill you the fact that they killed Kennedy amazing and then they killed his brother and Link or not Lincoln uh they

Killed uh they killed Lincoln yeah I know but ml MLK they killed him and Malcolm X you just go kill this guy people stting to listen to this guy kill him and shoot his brother just in case yeah they shot his brother in a hotel we’re such cattle we just stood and took

It it’s wild to me we took it what would we do though I mean like what could you do if they just um well I think they tried to do stuff and those people got killed too right yeah they just find a way because they know that all black people do not

Have a Boston accent what does that mean uh can we play it yeah he’s getting all his information from Tik Tock here I I hate him he does this to me all the time he sets me up to sabotage me I’m learning this week that the toughest

Job in this industry is being the guy that Opera to this because you get all the [ __ ] who it is yeah and we turn this you know not this one A different one and then they’re over there panicking oh but it’s okay but here’s it can I just

Stop you stop for one second look at me Jeff yeah it’s not like Google came out yesterday and it’s not like I haven’t told called him a [ __ ] [ __ ] seven weeks in a row they told you they could do this job didn’t they well no they

Said we got it Danny’s probably one of the funniest and brightest dudes I know yeah right well and he stinks at volume can’t figure it out one thing with autism they’re not good at everything but the things they’re good at it’s really good really good hey you know the

Little speaker symbol if it’s got an X through it whatever it is to whatever it is to make this he sucks at it yeah yeah you got to spell his that neuron Neutron whatever the thing that’s in his brain got cut off by a [ __ ] him jerking off

Him and it went and he doesn’t know it talking to women in volume on a YouTube video right now same little I’m going to tell you right now listen to me right now listen to me Jeff yeah look at you’re a goodlooking dude back in the

Day I was [ __ ] smoking hot I saw you this dude this this [ __ ] dude yeah I’m not joking and it’s a mystery you want to talk about who shot Kennedy you want to talk about aliens you want to talk about Epstein Island you want to talk about Epstein Danny gets [ __ ] I

Love it Danny gets laid Yeah he listens to women probably but not by people that look like Danny like if he was getting if he was getting autistic vag yeah like just some chick with [ __ ] looking down at his [ __ ] and which is a crime I think just some [ __ ] receding hair

Girl yeah hi yeah hi Danny Danny funny I be I’m talking really smoking hot girls it not even say hi to me I a one of them this [ __ ] me me man I bet I almost I almost fired him out of my life almost fired him I almost

Told I don’t want you in my life anymore we were in [ __ ] uh Florida yeah I get a DM after the show hey so funny blah blah blah blah blah what was that guy the really funny guy that opened for you nice dude I almost was like oh this must

Be from a couple weeks ago when another person opened for me cuz she’s not talking about that yeah no way no way she’s talking about Danny there’s no way she’s talking about the guy who has ripped jeans and it looks like somebody’s arm pit is coming through on

His knee not the guy making a Bionicle right now back at his hotel room definitely not not not the guy with eyebrows that connect to his pubes wait so uh not the guy that does magic not that guy what’s the secret Danny not the guy that did a whole set without looking at

Anyone not it can’t be him this has got to be something else impossible it was him I love it and he great but no listen I’m like all right so they’re hooking it’s a mistake she’s going to hook up with him be around his energy for a

Couple minutes and go look I got to go right of course not nope he yeah he’s they hooked up I love it listen to me hooked up hooked up like hooked up not like not like he had to eat her [ __ ] for three hours and she was using him as

A tongue yeah I know I heard those [ __ ] autistics have fast tongues Danny didn’t Danny didn’t show her videos of his set and say pick which head shot best I I’ll tell you what I did do I called Bobby immediately afterwards yeah that’s awesome I hung up the phone I

Almost called my wife he got the assist he’s John stocked and you’re Carl Malone on that night I’m not even [ __ ] dude I’m nobody I’m Danny a he suck I love Danny he was all right but not as good as stock um dude it it would really it

Confused me it still confuses me like I’m like What’s Up Wait A Minute guys can have periods and and they can win Danny [ __ ] on the road the women Championship swimmer is a dude with a dick and Danny gets [ __ ] where are we what’s cops are bad wait Elon is going

To Mars and Danny’s getting puss what the [ __ ] good puss the the world’s flat and we didn’t go to the moon and Danny’s getting regular vagina yeah wait Danny and Stephen Hawkin are getting [ __ ] it’s nuts uh Danny what’s the secret is there any secret what’s interesting is this literally just

Started like 5 months ago I know but what what do you think it is just confidence or the comedy I I don’t know comedy helps she saw your set that definitely 100% she saw me too yeah but you’re married you could try but I think that women would try but you’re a good

They see that and go oh I like that he talked about his family or I like that he’s got the one that’s a great blocker I’m stop talking my wife yeah but I’m telling you you you do fine I’ve heard you make these jokes recently too like n

Nobody even wants or you’ll make you I like cuz you were in the car with ar shaffir on that wow I was a fat I was 350 you were joking around about it and I was like dude you’re fine that’s oh actually it’s funny we’re talking about

This that used to be my biggest criticism of Louis what there’s fat well no I love Louis would be like well no one wants to [ __ ] me I’m like dude I know 75 women in this room that would [ __ ] you you’re Lou CK I think he I know

Some dudes in here that blow you that aren’t in the guys at all but you’re just so funny and so cool and we love you that it would we would do it I know a guy that would take you home and you watch pick out his head shots yeah

Comics like Lou talking about how no one wants to [ __ ] him is like when Chris Rock tried to keep doing the I’m broke stick and you’re like you’re not broke anymore dude yeah [ __ ] you have nine houses you piece of [ __ ] so maybe you should be talking about how like you

Don’t get [ __ ] because you have a wife but not that you couldn’t trust me I I could millions of women would but I mean the fact that he’s getting it doesn’t make sense avilable it doesn’t make sense I love it I mean so I’m happy for

You well I mean I’m I’m happy for him but I’m unhappy for these girls that are at the point of their life where whatever’s happening they’re like I’ll do that you know what I mean I want to I want to call them and go hey it’s gonna

Get better you don’t have to it’s yeah you don’t have to do this you know that’s really funny I saw him shirtless anti-wing man he looks like he looks like some type of Sesame Street puppet shirtless he’s got the chest of a fifth grader his nipples and belly button look

Like an old Jewish woman all right let’s play this black people do not have a Boston xut message to all my white friends and Asian friends and people of other demographics all over this country that I’m cool with black people in Boston don’t have Boston accents unless we’re

Like trying to put one on to make fun of white people for instance hey dnie do you uh mind running by crumbling Farms and getting me a pack of M burls and a coffee thank you no like that no there are guys black dudes Boston accents P yeah what does that have 25

Views here’s the thing here’s what Danny does he’s done he did it to me yesterday too he goes and finds the opposite of the point I’m trying to make he’ll go find the opposite and just bring it up and then I’m like oh you’re trying to

Prove me wrong hey Danny as my producer prove me right yeah help him out a little bit I actually did was you’re getting [ __ ] cuz of me I was searching for you think you’re going to get [ __ ] at your [ __ ] open micer and hobok and [ __ ] eight people that came in one

Of them is your aunts it’s not going to happen this dude couldn’t even turn on the light to make a Tik Tok video and we’re watching it on this oh the lights were on was that was yeah that was during the day and he’s doing that I

Mean that’s like a terrible Open Mic video he just saw all his cousins around him yeah he goes this will crush when I pretend to BR thing boss black dude Boston accent another race hustling comedian you like race hustle you like that that’s all these everything’s some sort of terrible

Stereotype what was that he’s [ __ ] that’s him yeah now the volume is fine mhm he editing you want some EDI this kid’s awesome yeah whiz he makes a clip maybe that’s what it is stand up he’s fantastic so you should see me edit like holy [ __ ] you put a computer in front of

Him in a live show yeah his fingers break I love it stinks I love did you get it I’m D what I’m looking at what is it that’s not a black comedian that’s that’s a black guy every white guy in a Boston movie nope I don’t I’m not I don’t see

Anything it ever in the world that doesn’t exist black eyy Boston accent and Copley Square I mean there’s one Boston accent oh yeah let’s sit through the commercial nice somebody uses iMovie all you know what I’m done with you I’m done with you Danny look he this is the thing Danny

Does too when you instead of going dude I’ll get it I’ll figure it out he’ll go okay fine here we go all right I’ll I’ll submit Danny [ __ ] you don’t ever use your computer again okay I got it it’s just secretly Danny I don’t want to ever

See you again okay what happened he has no fighting him his dad never taught him to fight he started broke yeah he’s been broken just at the from the beginning yeah Danny’s they’re all bro I’m broke too um so you got this podcast right I

Have a few podcasts yeah you got uh who the bleep is that you got friendship podcast wrestling with Freddy tell me about the wrestling first what is it um me and Freddy Prince Jr once a week just H I love Freddy Prince he’s awesome tell

You what I saw him on one of my favorite shows psych I don’t know what that is uh you know never saw psych no it’s on USA Network okay uh about the fake psychic psychic he did an episode where he was uh you know Freddy Prince sexy married

To smoking hot you know beautiful no but in the thing he was married to a just a smoker Sports guy but he was a secret nerd and he had a lair in his basement yeah in real life right I mean we’re doing a wrestling podcast we talk about

Proing he like literally in his house he just literally smokes weed all day plays video games he l he gets to be around his kids all day why did he why did he get out of the business oh he hated it and that’s public I Freddy didn’t tell

Me that personally he was just tired of the [ __ ] and he loves resing went wrote for Vince McMahon like he he still takes acting jobs when he wants but it’s all on his own terms like he’s not how’s he making money what’s he doing for M married to Sir Michelle Geller and he

Has a ton of money from uh from from the things he’s already done right so he just said I’m out Tapped Out got to respect dude it’s the best it’s one I think it was who Danny wasn’t it you I think it was Danny somebody just recently asked me to open

For them big venue yeah it was you Danny right it was do you want me to say who it was no okay somebody asked me to open big venue B huge comic you know one of the [ __ ] right now God bless and was hey I need blah BL I was like

I’m with my kid I’m thank you very much and I told Danny I go I’m not going to do it I’m with Max and my wife tonight and Danny you I mean that fli you was me I thought you were saying I asked you to

Open for you no no but it was me what yes this happened with me yeah he well he couldn’t believe that I was saying no down yeah yeah and I understand where he’s coming from yeah but i’ done it I’ve I don’t want to I’d

Rather be home with my kid on a f i have a Friday I’d rather do a 100 seater of my fans yeah or be home with my family then do go do somebody else’s dream I’ve never opened for anybody as far as like all those big things I don’t even know

What that route looks like but I got buddies they’ll be like yeah I’m opening for so and so and I’m like I I’m always fascinated by it like how does that come up well I also don’t believe the money is that good in that situation um opening for people like what’s most you

Can make opening for pick you make thousands yeah but the most famous comic in the world I mean it’s someone who sells Arenas Bert sells Arenas oh no he Dane Cook used to yeah I is doing a thing I what’s the most you can make as an opening comic for those well it

Depends on who it is because some guys aren’t generous yeah even the generous I mean 8,000 they give you 8,000 someone give you 8,000 open dude dude um Cat Williams gave uh Richie reading a grand that’s a lot of money dud I’ve ever heard that’s a lot of money that might

Be the highest most of them are cheap Pricks yeah most of them making a a a quarter of a million a half a million dollars um open performing stadium tour can expect between to that’s a li that’s that’s a lie I I got I can tell you what

Dane paid me uh 1,200 bucks okay Dane offered me zero uh 15 for uh 15 the first half and then he cut it the second half I mean he did have his brother take all his money well like one time I was supposed to open for Dane I

Asked him too I said I’d open for you he goes I’m perfect yeah and then he like shot me these things I said I’ll do those dates and then I asked I said um you know like what am I making and there was no response and as a man I just want

To know am I making $5 or am I making like $5,000 I just want to know a number so I can have something in mind cuz if a weekend pops up like I need to you know whatever and uh no response no response I text his sister she goes you got to

Talk to him I texted his manager he’s like you got to talk to him and so then I finally just talked to him and he kind of got mad at me about it in a way he was like he’s like this is more for the experience you know we fly private all

The money goes towards my specials and in my mind I was like I’m not no disrespect love you man I would love to hang out with you anytime and I’m happy to open for you but I can’t just make zero can’t just come and but no but

There is somebody I understand that I fine with that I there is some I’m not that guy for you you know what I mean um when I did it with Dane it was like we were best friends like let’s go hang I just did it I did it with Louis uh a

Year and a half ago um we he was like I’m going to Europe you want to come and you know but the hotels were I mean dude the hotels were [ __ ] 3,000 a night sure you know what I mean uh flying and all that [ __ ] and um it wasn’t Arena it

Was theaters and stuff but we ate and I mean he paid me he paid me fine yeah you know what I mean but it was not 10,000,000 night but it was the EXP it was the experience me and Lou had a blast and I was I was going not for the

Money I was going to hang with Lou yeah which is awesome which is awesome so if you’re going to do that like a lot of guys get paid good money on Birch tour some of them do I don’t know I know some of them do Shane and Mark it’s awesome

They get a lot of money that’s great I’d love to know those numbers I think that’s good for us to know yeah cuz it’s like I like I I like I said I actually it was my idea I said I’ll open for you that I but I also thought there was when

The Improv pays me $40 in cash we laughably go dude I’m going to spend this at the bar in 30 seconds but we make fun of the Improv for not paying us but if you got an arena and a Ferrari maybe throw me something it’s kind of

Like what we were talking about earlier yeah you you could probably say oh has a few hundred bucks I would have done if I was free or whatever and I you know I would have defin that kid who called me whoever that was I would have done it

Just for shits and giggles and done it cuz I I like the dude and I would have gone hang out we would have hung out probably smoked a cigar after or got some food I would have definitely done it but it’s like I’d rather be with my I

I’m thank you so much but I there’s somebody else who would really love this gig yeah and really needs that thing I’ll stay with my kid I I just had great weekend at com uh the comedy connection rhod Island yeah and I had a great week

And I’m with my kid haven’t seen him it’s like that so when you tell me Freddy I love dudes like that the because it’s like people think that you have to become Rogan yeah you have to become Rogan or you have to become Shane or you have to become Louie or Chris

Rock and then you made it yeah it’s like no this is a job yeah like anything else and because you because that’s the way you see fame or you see success dude are you are you crazy I know guys who have like multiple apartments in New York

City that they own from standup and you don’t even know who they are right and they have Rolexes and they have a future and they have [ __ ] down the road and they have homes outside and they’re living their best lives absolutely doing standup I own three pieces of property I

Think about it um like there was a guy that messaged me on Facebook a long time ago he went we went to high school around the same time and he’s like isn’t it crazy that we’re the only two dudes that M that made it out of our high

School that are like actually you know doing it like making something of ourselves and I chewed on that for like an hour at the coffee shop shop like what a statement I mean we we graduated with like doctors we graduated with cops we graduated with uh firefighter we

Graduated with dads and moms like that’s something like that that’s that’s how people live like that those are honorable things but in his brain yeah because me and him you know you know you can Google us that that that that’s somehow more valuable and I I remember I

Sat there for a long time going how do I respond to this do I dunk on this dude or do I just go thanks man you know like yeah we really did it but I really thought about it a lot and it’s like like you just said it’s like there is

It’s I would rather be with my son I don’t have a son but I imagine I’d rather be with my son yeah than being you know now listen to me in front of danne cook in a theater if he called me up and said listen I’m paying you

$155,000 to open for me yeah my wife would have you get the [ __ ] out of this house and look get that there’s a price she’ll be like he’ll be here yeah yeah there’s a price yeah I mean dude everybody’s got price I don’t want to say you know I’m above everybody’s got a

Price you offer me 10 grand I’m be there I’m yeah I’m going to [ __ ] hey son I’ll see you later yeah you know what I mean bring your you know I imagine you could bring your kid on the road right n I’m not going to bring him not on that one I

Would have want hung out just to [ __ ] see side puss um no but it’s when I hear about like that that with stars and stuff I love that [ __ ] because in reality I look at Madonna and I’m like how much do you need I know how much

Money you ever done mushrooms no I don’t do I’ve been so 7 years oh congrats I’m I’m 107 106 days today sober oh congratulations yeah thank you so much all let’s talk about mushrooms what’s up well mushrooms did that for me really yeah like where it’s like I cuz I just

In the middle of the Death Valley I was just like doing like mushrooms and I’m just looking at the stars and I’m like like what is it going to take like you think God just looks at us like what what is dude I’ve given you so much you’re still anr ungrateful [ __ ] like

I’m just sitting there go yeah maybe if my house had five stories maybe that would be good enough or maybe if I met a chick with six tits I wouldn’t be texting other girls or I wouldn’t be looking at other you know maybe if I had seven Jeeps with military tires you know

It’s just like I was just the mushrooms made me realize like dude you’ve got people around you who love you like you’ve got a you you’re healthy you know there’s no tumors in your body yet like you got jokes you know you got a like there’s enough to be grateful about that

Don’t need to and it took mushrooms to kind of connect that in my brain I was chasing that Dragon forever TV and all this different [ __ ] I think gratitude is the the one of the best drugs of all 100% I think if you if you can tap into

Gratitude yeah if you can be grateful you will fulfill you feel you’ll feel full all the time and that’s the most honesty that’s that’s the truth yeah is that you go oh you know hey I don’t need to impress I don’t know it’s tough gratitude takes away resentment Envy

Jealousy uh Justified anger Justified resent it takes away when you look around and you’re like man I’m good yeah thank you yeah thank you because and what it also does it makes you want to help other people yeah you know and if if you’re I mean if you’re out there and

You’re not grabbing somebody and pulling them up y then you you’re a piece of [ __ ] you’re not going to be grateful it’s all about you yeah but when you can tap it you did it with mushrooms you tap into gratefulness yeah like I try to do

That now I try to tap into that thing right when I wake up yeah look around and be like I’m warm my kids up my wife’s I’m healthy I got a full day I used to wake up I gotta go [ __ ] here I got to do this then I

Gotta go there and I got that and then I’m away this weekend I have no time I’m gonna Jesus Christ I got what the fu my my therapist told me goes you got to stop trying to be retired yeah and start liking your you where you came from

Everything but there’s so many things to be grateful for like at any point during the day if I get hungry today I can I can I got enough money that I can eat yeah anywhere I means if I want to go to Starbucks and get the $10 Karma mock I

Can yep that is Rich that like that I can eat at any point yeah like and and you know what I think you have enough to do that too that’s enough to be grateful for that like you that’s where we get a the hot dog over here and we don’t have

To like really like stress like but I also think that’s when you clear your pathway way to success I think uh you block a lot of [ __ ] Yeah by jealousy Envy fear yeah it just blocks it because you’re [ __ ] spending all your time going [ __ ] him and [ __ ] her they suck

It’s like you gota I forgived I forgave everybody like all the people that [ __ ] me did you do 12 steps yeah nice I do them all the time I love that but I forgave every I’m like dud I’m out I’m just not in that game anymore because

And then all of a sudden things come to you you know stuff what’s that it holds you down yeah it’s a it’s a like I don’t like even like people look at the you know they can go and look at the bad things that are said about them because

They look what they’re really looking for is the good things I think Louie said this to me once he said you go you’re looking for accolades but you’re really looking for the person that says the [ __ ] that you think about yourself interesting you know what so when you

Read that and it’s like hey you’re you’re this and you’re that and it hurt you’re like [ __ ] it’s like oh that’s what you were really looking for cuz that’s the way you feel you got to stop you got to stop thinking negative about yourself there’s an old like um it’s

Like a anecdote about a guy who loses his keys in his house like he drops his keys when the power goes out he can’t find his keys and then he looks outside and he sees like a Street Lamp and he’s like I can’t believe I’m looking for my

Keys in the darkness when the street lamp’s on so he goes outside under the Street Lamp and he’s looking for his keys it’s ridiculous and then his neighbor’s like what are you doing did you lose your keys he’s like yeah I lost my keys and so now they’re both [ __ ]

Around under the light looking for his keys and he goes when didd you see him last he goes I dropped him in the house he goes what are you doing why are we out here like and that’s what we all do with our lives is is we’re looking for

All these problems out here you know but they’re here they’re inside the the problems in the house go find your keys in the house what are you [ __ ] around out here about and that’s what everyone’s trying to do change society they’re trying to change this or they’re

Trying to do that but it’s like you got your [ __ ] it’s it’s you you got to work on you it’s not fixing him or changing him or changing you it’s for it’s my [ __ ] and so like that’s a it’s like when you go to the doctor they give you

Prescriptions yeah they don’t say I’ll give this prescription to your wife and I’ll give this prescription to Danny and I’ll give this prescription to your boss it’s like no no no like you it’s they’re your problems and no one [ __ ] cares you got to fix your own [ __ ] yeah it’s

You know everybody is I mean even the stuff with Shane that’s coming out it’s like he all this [ __ ] happened to him now they’re just like hey let’s move let’s go move on yeah and that’s what we should be we should be moving on from that but you know TMZ today tweeted all

The racial it’s like guys you [ __ ] he said resurfaces they yeah it’s like what are you doing you are making it resurfaced yeah you resurfaced it because you wanted Fame you want it’s like you guys suck you’re trying to rec cancel on the same and here’s the thing we don’t care yeah I

Know comedy people don’t care about Shane he’s too funny yeah he’s we now dude if he wasn’t funny yeah but he’s too funny and it’s like ah he’s funny WIS yeah funny wins man all the [ __ ] time except when the electricity goes out then guns win yeah right gun it’s we

Got a long history of it dude I got a lot of guns I love guns I love guns too I uh oh I’ll tell you that one after we cut it um all right so what do you got coming up dude uh I’m touring I’m I’m shooting a special called The Last

Cowboy in La like that I’m shooting Nashville all the shows are sold out so you can’t get tickets to it but uh when it comes out uh I’m going to be doing the podcast tours hopefully I can come back on this and plug it but it’ll be uh

It’ll be out um I’m not sure where you got to come on the bonfire too dude love to yeah yeah you got to come on the bonfire when are you coming back um I’m in I’m in New York every every month so all right come on the next time you come

To town you come on hang with me and Jay that’d be awesome um yeah you got in Las Vegas here’s his date what’s the website all over Jeff die.com you can find all these dates I’m literally somewhere I’m a the true Road dog man every every

Weekend I’m somewhere yeah me too I love I love this part of the industry I love I love doing the doing the job and check out his podcast uh who the beep is that no I got a podcast called Jeff friendship what is the who’s the is that

A TV show who the B is that is a some game show that no one cares about are you on it yeah I’m the host but it’s it’s not brought back and it’s on Fox but it’s not being brought back and it’s stupid anyways but it was a good cash

Grab what was the one with the old old guys better L than never yeah better L than never was good that was fun with uh what was it Shatner Shatner Foreman Terry Bradshaw and Henry Winkler right and we went all everywhere love Henry Winkler dude they’re all great guys you

Gotta if you want to watch a really good show you should check out that show what’s it called again better late than never better late than never it was just funny to see these older actors and like Hen Henry Winkle is the sweetest coolest guy ever it’s the only thing it’s the

Only project I’ve ever done that old people and young people would watch and they’d all like it yeah it was very that’s when I met you yeah yeah it’s when we really started hanging out uh Jeff D friendship podcast that sounds gay it’s just doing this my friends but

The reason I called it that is because people will try to get all these famous people on it’s like dude I’ll talk to my friends my friends have stories that no one’s heard yep you these guy a lot of people do the podcast you’ve heard a lot

Of their stories but like my friends they got stories nobody’s exploited me and the great Jim Sero my old manager um we had actually before any of these podcasts really took off we had a thing called the Robert Kelly U-Haul show I like that where we went to a town rented

A U-Haul truck went around to places and just grabbed set pieces and made a set and then we would pull up anywhere like a Starbucks and just walk up to a guy and go hey you want to be on my show I love that and we would go and do my show

And then I would go to a band’s house and I they’d perform I’d interview them in the back of the truck and then they and then I went to a Comics house and I he would he would perform yeah we’d take him to like we took Dan soda to Dunkin’

Donuts he performed in front of 10 people in the bring that back that’s a great idea yeah maybe I should I like that a lot I got to call I got to call Chim Sero and see if he’ll do it again we haven’t talked in two years um and

Then I have another podcast we referenced earlier kind of uh not on purpose but called everybody’s got a price and the premise is we just ask uh our friends you know like how much do this and if it’s low enough we lock it in and then the listeners yeah we can

Say I got 100 bucks on so and so doing this and then we film the thing so like how much to get hit by a fast ball from a major league pitcher you know so we got a guy you know Joe uh Joe said Joe

Peno said I’ll do that for you know 500 bucks he said perfect the listeners get 500 bucks we you know I got some pit I got some friends that are major league pitchers they’re going to whip one at them and we’ll have that video for the viewers they can watch so people can

Always be putting in money that’s a great TV show F that’s a good TV show that’s some edgy [ __ ] we make it ourselves I like that man TV sucks I like that TV does suck done dude except for Yellowstone that show’s great well there are shows occasionally that are

Streamed that are freaking awesome um we’re gonna we’re gonna actually uh we’re gonna we have questions for you but we’re going to go to patreon to do that that’s for the patreon fans they’re from patreon so we give it to them but uh Robert Kelly live.com um I’m in

Comics Roadhouse with uh the the two of the tizzy three and then Sid Splitters I’m at paramont uh theater me and big J oakerson make sure you sell that out and of course I’m going to be at the mothership uh Riot cast Comedy Fest in Texas Lafayette Club 33 yeah pipy with

Max he’s with me Max yes Max [ __ ] [ __ ] he Max is with me up there uh and of course Boston Massachusetts at laugh Boston get your tickets now Robert Kelly live.com go to punch up. live to watch my special for free and I put all

My and eded uh stories up there too we got a we got stuff going up there so please punch up. live click my name and subscribe over there it’s just an email and then I let you know where I’m going to be in your town and go to Comic

Wearables.com for all your comic uh ykwd stuff use uh code word ladybugs to get 20% off you get the hoodies you get the shirts you get the hats all that stuff is up there right now at Comic wearables.com and check out uh Jeff Dy make sure you check out all his stuff uh

Really l what you’re doing dude I love the the the turn you’ve made in the last couple years how honest you’re being on everything and uh and God bless America yes sir and tizzy 3 what do you got Fast Max Marcus Comedy All social media March 22nd in Somerville New Jersey is the

Five-year anniversary of my show comedy of get tickets and you can watch the cheese show by typing in cheese show on YouTube Che and these guys going to be with me uh on the road too so come check us out uh these guys are hilarious and they’re uh they’re great so uh and

That’s it we’ll see you guys next week on you know what dude you’ve been listening to ykwd podcast thanks for listening now go back to your shitty jobs [ __ ] jobs

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