Okay so first off I want to say a big big thank you to Yakov um and his wife everyone big thank you to Yakov and his wife H Yakov is might be my biggest supporter and um he gives me all the time he’ll just text me
In random times tells me how much he loves me and appreciates uh what I’m trying to do and uh it really means the world especially coming from him and uh when I think of I think about yov it happens to be that’s his name yov I don’t think it’s
By any chance so you know RAB says that one of the things about breast lovers that’s going to be unique in the world is that nobody will see love like the love amongst breast lovers and if a person is able to hang out with breast lovers who are men or breast lovers who
Are women or you get the sco to go to uman and you get on a bus with them you really feel that love that kind of love that you hope the Jewish people will all have you know when we think about Kula we think about Redemption we think about
Jewish Unity I remember when I went to uman for the first time I was on the bus on the way over there and it’s all different types of Jews you have Israelis and you have Americans and you have ZF and asaz and and and outside of
This bus and outside of uman they may not all be hanging out together but in this place there’s no difference between any of them you really really actually feel it it’s not like I have to like you know sometimes you have to squeeze the person to be with you but here it really
Feels comfortable and I remember that one of The Inspirations for me to start teaching uh breis was actually that whatever is going on in um I just figured like if this can be not in one specific place in a random Ukrainian non-jewish city where the greatest sodic
In the world is buried but he was it was just at large that would be Gula right what are we looking for love happiness Unity fraternity right that’s what we’re all looking for yeah just want to say quickly we’re doing this a large part par for my my father should
Okay if anybody wants to pay box US 20 donation if not then why are you being here is most important and that’s okay thank you I also want to say that this uh this is also being my father and also and Mos Pinas Ben whatever his mommy’s name
Whatever his mom and dad’s name is because it’s in their Merit that um that that I was push to to bring you no matter what because we have a kabura every Thursday night and I want wanted to I was the plan want was bring you uh for that and that didn’t exactly work
100% but it worked out the way Hashem wanted it to and that’s why one of the M reasons that you’re here okay so thank God so this ises oh okay okay it should beia for both of them much okay so we’re very very lucky shua just walked in everybody thank you
TOA for coming making the big trip out here M NE to be here and so today’s Roes rabman says that the key to Life is starting over start over now we heard this from our parents when we tripped and fell and our parents said just start over again
And you wanted to like hit them because you’re like what do you mean start over I’m in pain how do you start over again it’s a nice thing to hear that I would love to be able to cuz imagine throughout your day every time something went off
Schedule you were able to literally just start over again RAB whenever they saw him he literally was something totally new something different Rab’s main student says in in the beginning of his magnum opus on Rab’s teachings based on the he says that the first Mitzvah that
Was given to the Jewish people while we were still in M while we were still in Exile we know that galut is right now as well and therefore we’re all still in MIT also MIT comes from the word matar which means a constriction or a contraction in cabala the Jewish people
In history were at the neck of History if you go through all of Jewish history from the beginning until right now when we’re called M which is the feet or the heels of Messiah it’s actually speaking as well about time because Adam man comprises all of time we are
Called in the image of God everything in this world is theem man even time so the Jewish people in the beginning when there was the aote that was the head of Jewish time that’s why we’re called the a it’s the beginning what was Moshe and the Jewish
People in MIT that was actually the neck rabman speaks about how par represents the nape the back of the neck right the arel says that the entire Exile was the Exile of speech that’s why theel says that P is the mouth that speaks s comes from the
Word like to converse with your friend we weren’t able to do that with hasem said that the Exile of speech where did we see it with the Jews and MIT he said that none of them talked to hem that was the whole Exile was really hard to understand that considering we
Know that the Jews for sure had a tradition from their parents and it’s not so far back they believed in God so you’re going to say that they never prayed to Hashem as that make any sense so if you actually look in the entire story of the Jews of MIT you see that
They screamed they cried they wailed they groaned they moaned but nobody ever talked a child when he’s first born can only cry and scream and yell and groan and moan he needs to develop a certain level what cabala calls moin Consciousness or what they would say in
The the social work or um psychological world as um cognitive development okay and then the gar says once they eat bread you know they can start to speak bread it’s a very deep thing also has to do with DOT Consciousness that’s why it says that in the end there’s going to be
A famine but it won’t be a famine of bread it will be the word of hem I know I’m saying a lot of things right now hopefully B with theem it’s all going to come together but in MIT we were in the throat that’s actually why there was such an intense servitude in
That place because your throat is the most narrow place in your body and not only that it’s the passageway between your head and your heart ra salvic I believe it was he said what’s the greatest distance in the world in the entire world if you took all of existence not just planet Earth
But all of it tell me the greatest distance from your mind to your heart from your head to your heart there you go the beard is a bypass beautiful we’re nakedly challenged we’re challenged in the neck that’s right a brain can connect to our heart Lenor you
Heard this a this is why I need to be able to grow out a beard please let it happen [Laughter] that’s women’s minds are connected to their heart we don’t need beard listen this is a progressive community so you can’t tell a woman that she can’t
Grow out a beard this is a different generation now if she wants to grow a beard she can grow a beard not this grow not this gr I just joking okay this is the neck in fact if you take the letters parro and you flip it around it spells
ORF which means the nape the back of the neck that’s right what does he do says he swallows up your speech you’re not able to talk to hasem because parro is swallowing up your speech the Jewish people in Exile couldn’t talk to Hashem because parro
The or the neck was swallowing it up we needed to get and break through there Moshe was the one who helped us to be able to do that what was so special about mosha that he can get us through the neck through the narrowness through the matar
In the beginning of creation when hasem created man Adam and so Hashem asked them please I’m going to give you everything I just don’t want you to do this one thing and I don’t want you to do this one thing because if you do this
One thing you won’t be able to find me in the midst of everything and they did the one thing when you read the PUK and it said that the Adam and were kicked out of the garden the PUK literally actually if you go back and read it doesn’t say that
They were kicked out of the garden it says he was kicked out of the garden and the Zora says who is he Hashem meaning he was um concealed from our Consciousness we’re still in the Garden of Eden and yet it feels like RAB says like why because that’s what happens
When hasem is hidden from you theuk says at the end of time on that day I’m going to conceal myself doubly famously says and YF carduner made it into an unbelievable song that uh that even in the concealment within the concealment which comes from the 56th lesson ofan where is actually speaking speaking
About pum over there and he says that one concealment of God means that Hashem is hiding from you but you know that he’s hiding from you he says this is an incredibly painful experience and something that we all are familiar with and he says that even from that
Place it’s very hard to find AEM very very hard you need a tremendous Merit you need a tremendous will you need a lot of help you need a lot of support to find them even from that place re says but if you don’t give up you can find
Him from that place but then there is a concealment within the concealment that means that hasem is hiding from you to such an extent that he’s hiding the fact that he’s hiding from you what does that mean so if you watch movies like I used to so you’re probably
Thinking of inception with Leonardo de Caprio the Dream Within the dream The Hiding within the hiding but what is that for us it means simply being secular I grew up totally secular I was an atheist my whole life now a person might say wellem wasn’t hiding from you
Right maybe yaku every day feels like hashem’s hiding from him it’s like Wow might even be a bigger blessing if I just didn’t know he existed rabman says that’s much worse you know why because Jakob knows to look and I don’t even know to look that’s the Exile that we’re in
Right now unless you think that’s just for the secular person well every part of every one of us has a part of us that’s also still secular there’s a part of us that still also hasem is hiding the fact that he’s hiding from that place and we don’t know
It and that’s really what’s causing all the suffering that’s what’s causing all the distress what did mosha do that allows us to get out of there that allows us to be able to speak so the great cabalist explain that adamar Rishon represents all of humanity all the souls of humanity we were all
Included within him so like many people ask and it’s a very good question why why would should we all have to deal with this problem that this one person or these two people started yes it was a mistake right it was an ERA we all make mistakes and theem forgives right but
Why should we all have to deal with this I mean even if you just take October 7th alone it’s like that’s the product of that it’s already too much then my grandfather was a Survivor from the camps where his parents were killed and his brothers and sisters were killed
He’s the only one who survives that’s way too much and then you have a Spanish Inquisition and you have um everything that happened in Italy and Russia and all that happened to us in Egypt and Mesopotamia and the B and Assyria and the list goes on and on all from this
Original experience why because we were actually all a part of Adam Adam represents all of humanity that’s why his name is Adam okay however there’s one part of you that doesn’t ingest food this is what the cist teach when you eat food you actually have two pipes one for the food
To go down and then you have a wind pipe that never touches the food at all the cabalist explain that mosu Soul was in Adam’s wind pipe so he never ate from the and that’s the reason why Hashem wasn’t hidden from him and that’s the reason he could reveal him to
Us because he is a person’s Ru rabman students came to him and said listen ever since we met you you opened our eyes to new possibilities new Vistas in our life that we can really be close to hem we can find him from wherever we are we’re Finly excited about being
Jewish about keeping the mitzvot about doing them with life force and joy and Brotherhood and love it’s amazing but everybody is slamming us and everyone’s embarrassing us and everybody’s vilifying us and we don’t know exactly how to explain what we found with you can you help
Us said if they ask you what you found in breast tell them Ru tell them Ru I taught you how to breathe I gave you fresh air why is he giving you fresh air and why is that so important because that air is coming from the wind pipe that
Same pipe that didn’t get the food from the garden and therefore it’s pure and it breaks through everything once Rak he was giving a uh perm sauda with all of his students and he had them all they were all piled up waiting to hear the words if anybody doesn’t know him he’s a
Very famous bre of Masia um he has thousands and thousands of students and I’m perm I had a teacher in Queens who made it his business to be by him for perm no he went to like a liac Yeshiva and so he was like always waiting for that moment that time that
He can break out and here’s something breast but like during the year it’s already it’s too much too much pressure too much uh but on everyone’s supposed to be crazy on that day so I be a little crazy so he goes to to hear him and he
Walks in there he sees all the him listening you could hear a pin drop and he said was drunk off his rocker and he’s sitting in his seat and he’s saying to them he’s rocking back and forth and he’s telling them what’s the strongest thing in the
World what’s the only thing in the world that nothing can stop nothing can stop this thing it’s Mish and Unstoppable Force it’s an unmovable object what is the strongest thing in the world and he said R what do he mean says when they ask you what you found in breast tell them
Ru there’s something about Renu that’s Unstoppable it’s called Fresh Air and that can actually get you through the neck this is the front of the neck corala so par represents the back of the neck mosha according toal represents the front of the neck he allows you to get
From the head to the heart where the heart is the BET mikash right but now we’re in the heels the feet you know what’s the least sensitive part of your whole body your heels you ever know notice how you don’t feel anything when you do the Mitzvah
But we’re dressed up so religious and we move to ER Israel and we so want to be close to Hashem and I hear all these stories about sikim and I’m so inspired by them but every single day I keep doing these mitzah and I much don’t feel
Anything I don’t want to tell anybody though cuz I don’t want to let the cat out of the bag so first off it’s okay cuz we’re in the heels and guess that’s what happens when you take a needle and you stick it in your heel if you do it in the right
Part you can’t feel anything e the heel however yobu told his son Yehuda that messia will come from between your heels from between your feet theno Shilo is going to come Shilo is the same gatri as Moshe Rashi says who sheilia it’s the Mia okay that means
That the ru is going to get down to our feet we’re going to be able to breathe fresh air all the way down to our feet which is really what we need so we can lift up our feet and dance and that’s the G that’s why we were saved in P because we
Danced explains in the 10th T of what makes you dance What Makes You clap your hands you need whatever is in your heart to get all the way down to the extremities of your body body to get into your fingertips to get into your toes right what is that what’s
The extremities of your body sometimes they lose feeling right if you put too much pressure on them they get numb you can’t feel anything over there I don’t know about you I’m feeling like those extremities so much pressure every day so much pressure work you’re married you thought there’d be less pressure now
That you’re married much more pressure now that you’re married now you have kids oh my gosh I haven’t even grown up yet though how do I have kids and I’m religious so I have a lot of them oh my gosh what the heck am I doing I can’t
Tell my parents about it because they already think I’m crazy because they became a firm religious Jew so it’s like oh this like the pressure and the pressure it’s like o I feel so trapped and stuck and I don’t know what to do oh so what do we need reab says we need
R we need our heart the beating of our heart to get into our fingers and our feet and automatically what’s gonna happen is you’re gonna like this you know like we say in the class together every Thursday in remote if you’re happy and you know it clap your
Hands if you’re happy and you know it stomp your feet teaches your hands represent Mori in the story perm which is the revealed part of Torah it’s revealed because every part of your body especially if your religious is clothed the only thing that people everyone can see and nobody has a
Problem with is your hands your hands represent the revealed part of you revealed Torah that’s Mor but it was revealed but says for there to be G for there be a Redemption for us to be saved from Exile we’re going to have to be saved at the level
Of Esther Esther comes from the word Hester which means hidden she represents the thighs rabman says they’re hidden but they need to expresss what does it mean they need to expresss they need to reveal themsel if you look at the uh name of the perm story it’s called Milla to Esther Milla
Comes from the word GUI which means Revelation Esther means hidden the hidden needs to be revealed for there to be Redemption for there to be G and rabman says the whole secret of this story is Moshe like how’s the secret of the story Moshe mosha is not even in the
Story so what’s the reason that hamon you know everyone thinks Adolf Hitler is a new invention he actually came a long time ago his name was hamon even down to the fact that he was a failed artist prior to his uh diabolical plans just like Hitler a lot
Of people don’t know he’s a failed artist before he decided to take over the world there still hope for what I [Laughter] can you’re you’re saying real estate like an art I’m saying I used to play in a band but you know oh okay right no it’s all real estate yeah Fus real
Estate’s also like an art yeah you have I appreciate the art and yeah yeah that’s what you have to tell them also so they buy your stuff no I’m just kidding no that’s also I like to make videos cuz I get to like make produce the art that’s it that’s it
So how is mosha the secret of the story so hamon decided to exterminate the Jews because he knew that mosha died in Adar he knew that he died on the seventh of AD but kazal explained that he didn’t know that MOS was also born on the seventh of AD he didn’t get that
Part but then for the whole story you don’t hear anything about mosha so what’s the what’s the significance okay and if you would have known then what where do you see mosha in the story actually if you look in the the actual um P if you look at the
Ha you also won’t see mosha there isn’t that weird can you imagine a story where you have a group of people that are enslaved for 210 Years is supposed to be enslaved for 430 years whatever we know about what happened there is only the tip of the iceberg
Compared to what the madim say actually happened to us you wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if you knew what happened to us and there’s a person who was born in the house of the one who is doing to us he grows up and he realizes he’s
Jewish and he wants to go save all his brothers who would be number one in the ha you see Moshe in every single sentence and you don’t see him anywhere why don’t you see him anywhere because you can’t see ruach it just feels feel it you just feel it it gives you Mish
Life you need it like if you knew you stopped breathing you would literally do anything to find fresh air says you know that we’re all actually experiencing that spiritually every day that’s the reason why we’re all suffering so much the problem is you don’t know you’re not breathing you feel
Like you’re not breathing but you don’t know you’re not breathing because if you’re not breathing physically you’re going to do anything you’re going to stop whatever you’re doing right now and you’re going to go find air says well why don’t you do that spiritually you also got to do that
Spiritually all the more so right you got to go find Ru so explains that Moshe is the ru in your heart he is the beating of your heart and when the pulse is healthy because you got good R it gets down to your hands and your feet and automatically you know what starts
Happening Mor starts laughing and Esther starts dancing and that’s the Gula that’s the whole Redemption the Exile stops after that just if we start dancing so okay that’s great but I already know that I grew up I was a kid and when nobody was around I play my
Favorite music I go in front of the mirror and I dance and it was the happiest time of my life and now every day I don’t know how to be happy I don’t know what to do to be happy and yeah okay so I remember those days but I was
A kid then and you you know that’s over now for me why is that over now for you says if you never want to see the face of geham when you come home after a long day go dance in the kitchen the kitchen in the kitchen and then R says and if you’re
Worried about waking up your family wasn’t saying that he wasn’t saying that he wasn’t saying that he he wasn’t exclusively saying for them he was talking about the men and women no he’s talking about everyone talking about everybody no he wasn’t soric he also saw the kitchen it’s okay
Said that if you never want to see the face of gam when you get home after a long day dance in the kitchen and he said and if you’re worried about waking up your family take your take off your shoes take off your shoes okay was that written what’s that
Where is that I don’t know I saw it recently I’ve seen it in the past as well it sounds like something from but I can find out for you the exact Source wow yeah I’ve heard it from yeah yeah and you know because when you do it
And you just dance you feel good you feel happy you feel great why is that the reason is because you’re expressing what’s in your heart and it’s not a big in this generation to to know that when you don’t express what’s in your heart you end up on the
Couch at your therapist office which is fine but why do you end up in his office because you have to express what’s in your heart you either do it by dancing in your kitchen or you’ll do it by expressing to him what’s going on in your heart but there’s other ways besides
Getting professional help you know I used to be a clinical therapist and a substance abuse counselor I’m not anti- theapy I’m just saying that theem made us in a way that we can also be happy and not pay physically for it so what is that way the way that you remember when
You were a kid dance clap your hands stop your feet but you need Ru to do that okay says this is what I have to offer you I have Ru for you I want to tell you a little bit about my story because this sh is called your
Story and one of the interesting things about David is that when he tells his story everyone’s story is included in his story so hopefully Vis with hasem you find yourself a little bit in my story and then B withm you’ll be able to tell me your story because the whole
World’s waiting to hear your story I grew up in uh Marboro New Jersey and my parents when I was little they put me into a religious preschool I Liv in a totally secular community and uh it was the only preschool that took their kids all day
That was the reason they put me in there if they would have known what type of rimu I would have got from there I don’t know if they would have sent me to that place type of impression I got over there but apparently and they didn’t
Admit this to me until after I was in my tra phase for long enough that they realized it wasn’t a phase and they said you know David when you were younger you told us you wanted to be a rabbi not just a Rabbi a singing dancing Rabbi and you made us keep
Kosher and keep Shabbat I was like what but you know what happened to me they put me in public school and I forgot all about it and guess what happened bullying happened betrayal from Friends self-confidence issues start creeping in girls aren’t interested and the whole gamut of basic life experience
Takes place but without any faith not just faith in God no faith in anything you know you can only hear from so many times from your mom how good-looking you are but if nobody uh is mosing to that you start to uh doubt you know maybe my mom just says that cuz she
Cares about me you know so you’re laughing I don’t know why you’re laughing but this is the this is the concern you know I wasn’t sure anymore every girl that I uh talked to wasn’t interested so it’s like you know at some point you have to really take stock you
Know my mom just being a good mom or nobody able to really see me you know I’m not sure what’s going on over here good Jewish Mama Jewish yeah good Jewish Mom good Jewish mom and after uh uh I got to about fifth grade and I started to experience um really intense bullying
From the people who I thought were my best friends um I got a little Disturbed and I started to see a social worker and I couldn’t sleep at night and I didn’t understand I didn’t have Kalee I still don’t understand really but I definitely couldn’t understand when I
Was in fifth grade how is it that the people who are supposed to be your friends could be so cruel I really didn’t understand not like I don’t understand like how could you do that to me like I Mish didn’t understand like this doesn’t equal that where where did this
Happen and then I found a book which answered this question it was called evolutionary theory and I read this book right before I started middle school and it starts talking about how people were evolved monkeys and I go oh my gosh it all makes sense I didn’t understand why my friends
Were always like in the midst of a power play and now I understand cuz they’re trying to survive I didn’t understand why girls liked guys who were tall with big physiques and now I understand cuz we’re just monkeys and everything was starting to click click click click
Click and I literally had an epiphany and I sat there I go oh my gosh we’re just monkeys and we think we’re something different and on the one hand it felt like my life had been saved because I understood now why people are so cruel I understood why there was no justice and
I underst understand why people couldn’t keep secrets and I understood why people were making fun of you everything was really starting to make sense for me but on the other hand I totally lost any fragment smidget whatever type of uh synonym you can come up with I had no
Vestage left of Faith after that and so on the one hand my understanding of life is growing and my faith is diminishing and so you can imagine growing up in the secular World well you still have a hole and you got to fill it up with something so what do you fill it
Up with so I became the first person in my school to smoke weed I think I did it before I even got to Middle School it’s around the same time it became the biggest pothead in my school when I was uh before I got to high school I started
Selling it when I got to high school it was really crummy stuff I just put the seeds in there feel bad I’m doing a lot of Chua on that now but um but it didn’t fill me up doesn’t fill the hole and I got so into this whole
Atheism thing I it wasn’t just like I was like oh you know we’re just monkeys no I have a very very very big Soul so I got to fill it up so I’m watching all of the shorum from from all the great atheists and I’m reading all the amazing
Swarm The Unbelievable swarm that have come out Dawkins and Hitchens and all these great coming to explain The God Delusion and I’m so strong in it that literally everybody that I see that I think has some faith I would go up to them because I felt like I was doing
Them a huge favor and I would sit them down and go you know we’re just monkeys right yeah kiru k kiru i sit with them for hours until they would capitulate that there’s no God I did this even going into college and it got even more intense there I was
Speaking every day about the fact that there is no God now if you think about it I’ve thought about it a lot since then imagine someone tolds you there’s a pink cloud in the sky and you look and you don’t see it and somebody swears there’s a pink cloud in the
Sky are you going to spend every waking moment of your life trying to prove there’s no pink cloud in the sky is it going to eat you up alive that there’s no pink Cloud probably not so why I’m very every waking moment and I’m so disturbed by the fact that people
Believe in God if I don’t believe he exists just leave it alone it’s fine it’s a pink Cloud people think it’s there it’s not really there why should I be spending and investing so much time emotionality cognitive distance what said cognitive dissonance cognitive dissonance it doesn’t make sense exactly
Exactly right cognitive distance but you don’t realize when you’re in it it’s a right it’s a concealment within a concealment you have to satisfy your conscience because you’re doing all kinds of a and if it was hasem then you’d be guilty that’s what religious people say but I want to tell you
Something about when you grow up secular it’s just important to know if you don’t grow up secular like really secular I’m talking about not people like who are traditional and they have some if your mamish grow up totally secular it’s important to know this because it’s the
Only way we’re going to end up helping them you have to know they’re not doing it because they’re trying to like ease their conscience there’s AAR there is no conscious there is no consciousness there’s no trying to avoid or they don’t even they don’t have a starting point there’s not a knowledge
Of a knowledge it’s nothing mom is totally totally totally lost they’re like you know it’s AIC reality okay now ultimately I had to fill it up so weed wasn’t working so what did I do I turned to alcohol and I started drinking every night until I blacked out and I’m
Talking about almost every single night I mean I think sometimes I was waking up in garbage cans like really weird creepy stuff like and I couldn’t stop why because and made me have to stop thinking about this big hole inside of me and I try to find my happiness with
Women and I engaged in a lot of that and that didn’t help me either and the more that you engage in something and it’s not working the bigger the hole gets it gets bigger and bigger and bigger and nothing’s helping me and on top of all
That I’m dealing with a lot of mental health issues and my first depressive episode when I was 10 years old I had one every single year since then and you can count them on all the hands and Toes a tremendous anxiety unbelievable anxiety I had a learning
Disability a lot of what they call in Social Work vulnerabilities a lot of vulnerabilities not a lot of strengths except for a very very very stubborn will which thank God I still have that but when you don’t have AEM that stubborn will can m kill you it could stop you actually from
Getting help when you need it and so I continued on this path until it turned into cocaine and it turned into LSD and it turned into mushrooms and the list went on and on and on just looking please dear God something should fill me up nothing mushrooms are dangerous for an atheist
I I I didn’t have the funny I didn’t have the SC of having an experience on shs I just got really sick yeah I just I just got really sick and yeah sh withheld that for me um and then something weird happened I came to erisel for the first time on Birthright
And I got out of the plane and I felt like I was home for the first time even though I’d never been here it was a very weird sensation I didn’t have words for it and obviously I also was a hardcore atheist so I definitely didn’t have a
Context for it but I just felt literally as I got off I’m like this is home and i’ never been here before and I felt that the whole trip and on this trip I actually didn’t get on because it was a secular Birthright trip I think I heard it since
Then it was the most secular Birthright trip I still wasn’t even firm enough to get on this trip they weren’t sure if I was Jewish based on my history growing up I didn’t get on the first year and I and I and I’m like I got to go on this
Trip before I start graduate school like I I gotta I kept pushing my friend please apply again and uh finally we got on and I see these two kids who were Persian California on the trip and they were doing this really weird thing they were taking this black strap and they
Were wrapping it around their arm cutting off the circulation to their brain and then sticking this um very weird ornament on the front I think they call it a frontlet in English that’s how they translate front F filteries and I said to my friend I’m like what type of religious trip did you
Get us on this is crazy and I actually was worried about them so I went over to them I said are you guys okay and they said yeah why and I said well you know if you want to talk I’m here you know you could you can tell me what’s going
On he said everything’s fine I’m like you have a strap on your arm what what are you doing yeah he goes these are these are to fill in I said what’s that and he starts to explain it to me I’m like wow this really it’s really a
Cult and it was a it was an interesting thing because they grew up modern Orthodox and then me and my best friend were totally secular and so they felt like oh wow these are going to be like like the two most fun guys on the trip
And we were like int intrigued by these two Persian kids in the cult and so we ended up spending the whole trip together just like Brewing out talking every day having fun going out you know the benefit of modern Orthodoxy is you can kind of like have your feet in both
Worlds so they can be in the place that we were and yet Traverse back to the the other place that they were in the place of feries and so um it was a great original experience for me and then something weird happened they asked me if I want to extend the
Trip and I used to go to Dave Matthews Band concerts all the time used to travel over the world to see this band I went to like over 30 concerts talking about even in England I’m man I literally traveled to to watch them they were like my first reab Nan you know
Like I got all my from them I feel like they were the only one who understood me yeah I was aidid of rebi Dave Matthews no and uh and I had a plan to go back after the trip and go to another concert and these two Persian kids ask me do you
Want to stay on the trip with us and we’ll just travel around Israel for a month and at the end of the month there’s a wedding at the Western Wall we have to go to so I’m like I don’t know you know I’m supposed to go to this
Concert so I called my dad and I asked him what do you think I should do so he told me he’s like David listen you’ve been to 30 Dave Matthew’s been concs you’re starting graduate school soon this whole thing like where you do stuff cuz you have time and you have
Money like that’s over you’re not going to have time or money that’s why you’re in real estate now so you can get the money so you could do that again yeah up to working on yeah so that was unbelievable a what not going to call ATA TOA it’s the most
Priceless thing and he said to me listen Dave if it’s not so expensive this is like an opportunity for you you you you you can go to another concert another time you’re not going to have time and money anymore see how much it costs if it’s not so expensive extent I’m like
Okay and I look online and at the time I didn’t hear of this thing called H Divine Providence I just looked on uh kayak.com or something like that and I and I saw that it cost $50 to extend for one month very expensive kidding $50 I couldn’t even
Like to myself I couldn’t even come up with an excuse not to do it for $50 I’m like $50 for a whole month that doesn’t even make sense so I did it I stayed and for three weeks we traveled around the country and in the third week we were
There a week before we left we stayed we rented at a a house in a city called aot not elad the one that you guys feel comfortable now in but a lot the party capital of er Israel where it’s 120° so hot there that as soon as you
Start sweating it evaporates so you never sweat it’s an amazing phenomenon like really bug you out if you think about it when you’re there but that’s where I was for a whole week sweating without sweating and then it was Thursday night and we went to this bar
Called three monkeys okay it was a bunch of old people and me and my friends and we’re sitting there in this in this bar and I’m thinking about my life I I was in a very contemplative mood I didn’t realize that there’s no air like the air
Of the land of Israel that it gives you HMA makes you think about your life so I was doing that in this bar three monkeys I’m like David you’ve been doing the same thing now for how many years every night going out drinking until you can’t think and feel your pain anymore hoping
Something Good’s going to come of it and the same exact thing is happening every single time aren’t you tired of this and I walk out and I see this um this Burning Bush I wish something like that it was really something like that you’re like my [Laughter]
Rashi the we’ll make a book together after this so there was a it was a slingshot they called it it’s funny because slingshot is like ca Kella in tour but this is a ride okay it a ride that you go in here and it shoots really
Really high up and it comes back down you might have seen this in a prior lifetime so I went over to the slingshot and I saw a group of girls over there yeah one of them was giving me the eyes which I wasn’t used to I’m used to them
Running so for me like this was H an exciting experience for me and I decided to go over there and introduce myself and my Persian friend said to me they like David these girls and not like the girls from pen say I said what do you mean
He’s like you see their shirts how they’re down to here and their skirts how they’re down to their knees he’s like these girls are religious and I go so what what does that mean and I walked over to them and I start talking to them happens to be I
Didn’t realize at the time because yemenites in general don’t speak such good English they happen to be the only yemenite family probably in the country that speaks perfect fluent English and I didn’t realize I just start talking to them they start talking back to me I had an amazing conversation with
And after about a half an hour of us talking I remember like it’s late Thursday night and you know back then I was very very sophisticated in my thought process I was always trying to control everything and figure everything out for myself so I’m like okay it’s
Very late now if I keep this going too long we won’t actually hang out I’ll just invite them tomorrow Friday night we’ll party we’ll do something fun together and then this will go good from the beginning I get my head right take a nice shower look good before and what
Ends up happening I said you want to hang out tomorrow night they said tomorrow night’s Shabbat I said what’s that and they started to explain to me what Shabbat was and I’m like wow that sounds like fun I thought it was like a party so I invited myself they said it’s not a
Party uh I was like okay you guys have Facebook they’re like no and everything I asked them they kept saying no but they kept talking to me it was a very weird thing usually they’re not interested so they stop the conversation or they are and answering yes I never
Had this type of interaction where with big smiles on my face they’re saying no to everything I’m saying but they’re staying so I’m like I ran out of options meaning this is obviously not going this is not going and I also had another weird thought another aitis type of
Thought I thought to myself this is not mine I had this weird feeling like this like this girl this girl that I’m speaking to is not mine she doesn’t belong to me and I said okay it was nice to meet you and I left I didn’t really know what
Other questions to ask I asked every question I could think of and I’m like killing myself for the next few hours we’re going out and we’re still drinking and like think how did I stop talking to that girl that girl was interested in me and I just ended it she
Was like the nicest prettiest girl I ever met why did I do that I would never do that if I was a gome and then like a few hours later it’s like 2: a.m. I’m walking in the only pizza place that’s still open and I walk in there I’m about to order pizza
And out of nowhere that girl walks in with her sisters 2 a.m. happens to be Apparently one of them wouldn’t let them fall asleep until they found Sushi she had a sushi craving was the only kosher sushi place that was open so he walked in again I don’t know about
Hash so I’m just like oh that’s weird this is great I can talk to them again so I start talking to them hoping things going to go better and again I’m at the end of the conversation I don’t know really where to take this tomorrow night they’re doing this like weird thing
Where they turn off their technology and they don’t have Facebook and they’re saying no to any form of advancement or connection or communication so okay again it was nice to meet you and I’m leaving and now my Persian the most religious people I ever met at that
Point said to me why don’t you just ask for their phone number I was like I asked for everything they’re like what do you have to lose I was like okay fine so I went over I was like can I have your guys phone number they’re like
Yeah and they gave it to me and they’re like but we don’t live here we live in Tel with our dad our parents got divorced and we moved in with my dad a few years ago so we don’t live here we can’t uh hang out you know and we actually
Planned our trip that the last week of our trip of this traveling around would be in Tel Aviv we were going to get a hotel room there again Flash Forward a little bit I really fell in love with that girl like really but I didn’t tell her because I’m so used to
Getting hurt so I developed this um thing they call it defense mechanism and in college I stopped telling girls how I felt because I didn’t want to get hurt anymore I just kept playing around that way I didn’t invest myself and something good happened something good happened it
Was good but to actually say I like you oh my gosh I haven’t done that since I was young it was way too painful have turned out I don’t want to do that so I didn’t tell her I just kept talking to her every day we were talking and she
Was telling me she’s getting set up on dates by her sisters with these guys I’m like oh that’s great I want to kill myself [Laughter] and I’m sorry and every and every day I’m doing this you know the same thing these these behaviors that you do where you’re like
Hurting yourself you can’t stop doing it because you’re you know you have no Ru and so uh one day we were doing this thing called Skype I downloaded it so I could speak to her they had this thing called Skype back then it very old technology I don’t know if you guys have
Ever heard of this thing called Skype but it’s the first way you could communicate via video and we were talking and I was about to start graduate school in LA and it was my daytime and it was her night time and she’s you know we spoke like we
Had been doing now every day she goes okay you know I have to go to go to sleep have a good night I said okay have a good night I love you then I closed the computer and then I broke out in in a torrential sweat because I realized
That I accidentally just told her that I loved her and there was no context there was no leadup I hadn’t said anything to that point I showed no interest and now so I jumped in the shower and I spent the next half an hour convincing myself she didn’t hear me and if she
Did she wouldn’t believe it because it literally didn’t make any sense BAS on the conversation we were having and everything leading up into it and I kept thinking of different things that by the time I felt comfortable like this is not going to affect my life I came out of the
Shower did my hair put my clothes on like everything’s fine taking my phone I get a text from this girl saying did you just tell me you love me and I start sweating again I jumped in the shower I’m just [Laughter] Kidd I’m like Oh my my gosh this is like
Reaching a very very serious point I don’t know what to do it’s like if I tell her how I feel then I might get hurt again but if I don’t tell her how I feel what am I doing here is a religious spartic Israeli girl and here’s me a
Secular ashkanazi atheist from America who hasn’t told her yet how you feel or I just did and that now not only am I not sure if there’s a God or I’m just par of in the area I’m Mish religious on the other side of the spectrum on the side of not believing
I’m M’s religious about it now I also didn’t know then that like this is the core of a safari Jew’s being you know no matter how Mitzvah observant you are they believe without question without sa it’s like so I don’t know what to do but I’m
Thinking to myself you know what if I’m going to get hurt I should just get hurt now that way I’m starting graduate school and maybe I’ll meet a nice non-jewish girl here and I can get married and have a dog and buy house live the American dream you know
But you know I wasn’t sure cuz I really didn’t want to get hurt again I don’t want to get her I don’t know what to do I did L he sped I didn’t realize I was doing his bot at the time and uh I came say you know what two things um this
Doesn’t make any sense and the chance of this working out is very very slim so I might as well just tell her now so this whole thing can be done with and on the side that I actually think she’s different which is how I feel when I
Speak to her not the way that I used to say like to convince myself even though the girl really was not good for me oh she’s different she really felt different so I decided you know I’m going to tell her I said yeah I I said
That she goes David you know I’m like this I’m not like one of your girlfriends from college like I’m from from Israel um you know when you say you love somebody here it means something you don’t just say it to people and I said uh I know and I and
I really do uh mean it she didn’t respond and for about 24 hours I was sitting on the couch and in a tremendous state of morbidity thinking about here we go again my Chrome up life nobody’s ever going to love me I can never tell anybody how I feel
About me I’m always going to be alone and the whole destructive spiraling thing that happens to us sometimes definitely happens to me a lot and I’m literally I’m so upset I turn my phone off and I throw it against the wall and the whole day goes by and I’m
Not excited for graduate school anymore my mom is just like I don’t want to go to UCLA I’m like I just want to jump out of window and kill myself and then I open up my phone I go you know what I have to go on with my life this girl is
Not interested I thought that was a possibility and okay whatever I start to convince myself so I don’t feel as bad look at my phone again I’m like I got to turn this on and then go back to my life and I see a text from her she said I love you
Too so now what okay we’ll wait till next week when it come back listen it’s important to catch you guys you can’t like you know it’s I got to keep you interested he said that he wants me to come back again after this so I just I don’t have enough religious
Content for you so I have to tell you my dating stories from when I was growing up that’s that’s the complete opposite it’s the complete opposite so does anybody have any questions about how this goes because you should have like one one big question anybody question did you get a
Dog any other questions dogs name any other questions you had this all planned out was thinking this whole time did I have any idea what she was what she was thinking post factor why is she continuing this relationship all this great question these are all amazing
Questions yeah I also like if you yeah why why would I forgot the popcorn I’m sorry I forg you life supposed to make me feel better about the whole situation you’re like why would she speak to you why would she to talk to you I’m kidding yes that’s the question
That’s the question that’s the question yeah what’s driving her this whole time it’s a great question you guys should ask her um she your wife she is my wife thank God we’ve been married for 30 years just kidding now we have to do the rest um
You look very young God uh fast forward H we’ve been together for almost 12 years we uh we’ve been married for eight we’ve been together for 11 the first three years of our relationship was long distance we have bash leara we have four uh beautiful kids thank God a
Seven-year-old boy six-year-old girl a four-year-old girl and our only Sabra our boy that was born here royman thank God I got to name him after my rby and um but the question Still Remains how did that go did she give up eating kidos that’s a good
Question is she what is she kidne a huge GI all there’s AIG that’s right that’s why you guys have to have me come back next week so we can talk about it and figure it out judge there’s a lot of holes there’s a lot of holes in the story we don’t believe your
Story go for the door I’m going to grab you listen I told you that for perm to happen you have to Reveal Your Story right so I had to tell you the story otherwise we’re not going to have perm it’s important okay so I’ll just tell you
Biter and I let the cat out of the bag when I realized at some point I was going to have to let her know how I actually felt about this whole religion Judaism God thing and thank God it was her and she didn’t judge me and she
Didn’t uh force me to do anything or even encourage me to do anything she just asked me why I don’t believe and I gave her tremendously deep philosophical convoluted Ed reasons for why there is no God and I said no you have any answers for that she said no I
Said so then you see it’s a cult why do you believe in God she goes David I don’t need answers to those questions to believe in God that’s not the source of my faith she’s like you know how much I believe in God it’s like just like I
Know I’m talking to you right now I know you’re there just like that can you prove it to me you could prove to me scientific spefically you’re there you have a philosophical reason why you exist no but you’re talking to me that’s how I believe in God I know he’s there I don’t
Need a pro a proof and so it went for me feeling bad for her for her feeling bad for me so she told me she goes David you know there’s people though who have answers these questions you’re not like the first person have questions like this I was like do people have answers
These questions he goes yeah sure these are such good question these questions she goes yeah you’re you’re in California go find an orthodox Rabbi they’re going to know all the answers to these questions I’m like really she goes yeah so that was my first experience of
Uh the Jewish religion I went it was sukot I went to this place called Hillel I was there and my wife beat her after I just worked out came out of the tanning salon sitting over there and somebody came up to me from behind he goes you
Work out and I turn around he looks like some type of very very religious person with like a jacket and pants and like yeah but who introduces thems like that and we end up having a conversation and it was the first time in my life that I felt intellectually
Challenged he actually had me thinking I didn’t admit it to him but he had me thinking about things that I thought for a very long time I was so intrigued by this figure I just followed him back home and and then he invited me for Shabbat and I’m like oh this Shabbat
Thing okay I get to experience what it’s like and I go and he keeps having me over every week even though I keep spreading my atheistic views there and my liberal beliefs and trying to Enlighten everybody who’s there get them out of the closet you know and then
After a year of doing this one of them gave me a book the assistant Rabbi apparently I didn’t know until afterwards the assistant Rabbi told me actually the the rabbi we were speaking to he actually gave up on you and he he asked me he goes you know maybe you have
Some tricks up your bag I don’t know what to do with David like it’s you know I did my best so he said listen I have this book it was uh written by a rabbi that I I learned from and I don’t know if you’re going to like it but I think
You might and uh you know I think it’s worth a try reading if you’re interested I’m like okay fine I loved reading I read like everything growing up I used to my favorite thing to do was go in a library and get a Starbucks coffee at
The joined area and then go into the library and read something that I’m never going to need for the rest of my life again this is what I did all the time and so now it’s like another one of those experiences and he gave me this
Book called The Secret Life Of God oh yeah you know him Works podcast oh wow okay oh W so so I’m here because of him yeah that that book um I read that know that he he he knows that cuz I told him when it happened but I’m sure he’s
Heard a lot of stories of knowing that and uh but I definitely did tell him uh and so I read this book and and as I’m reading this book in my apartment in California I’m having this Epiphany again like remember when I had the Epiphany when I was 10 and I realized we
Were all monkeys and that’s why we’re like this like that but like the opposite way and I realized that the whole reason I feel so alone and like such an alien is because I’m Jewish and all my dreams and all my hopes and all these things that I’ve
Been wanting to do with my life and pursue and to cultivate in those around me and in the world these are my ancestors Dreams they’re not my dreams and Not only was I wrong that God doesn’t exist it’s been driving me my whole life and I couldn’t sleep all night because
As you can imagine I’m a very religious person so when I was religious with my atheism I wasn’t you know like I wasn’t modern about it I was all the way and so when I realize God exists not going to be like okay so now let me
Go back and do what I’m doing and like you know I have it in the back of my mind hey guys I believe in God now no it’s like there’s implications of that to figure out what that means what’s GNA mean for me in my life you know I
Couldn’t sleep all night I was so excited I had spent literally 12 years every day thinking about the fact that this reality is not real it’s causing me so much pain and then in one moment it just flips now as I’m having this Epiphany and I put the book down and I’m like
Thinking about my life and what’s going to happen to me when I wake up tomorrow what that conversation is going to be like with my girlfriend when I tell her this thing happened to me and just my life in general what’s this going to look like now I started to hear a loud
Sound from the apartmentment building next to me I figured they were having a party there because it was a frat house so I look outside to see what’s going on in that building and uh nothing was there it was dark so there must have been a party somewhere else that night
So I’m like that’s so weird it’s a very loud sound so I closed the the door it’s my porch door but the sound was getting louder so I’m like that’s weird where is that sound coming from so I start looking in the apartment building itself
And I come at my front door and I’m looking in the building and the sound sound is getting louder but I can’t figure out where the sound’s coming from so I’m like that’s so weird so I just go in my room I lock the door and I hear
The sound and it’s getting louder and so now I’m like looking is there any holes in my apartment is there a place I’m not looking whatever everything’s shut and the sound is getting louder and now I’m really scared because I realize the sound is coming from my own head so
Either I’m having a psychological breakdown right now or I’m having an acid flashback and no none of these things are good I got so scared I went down into a fetal position I put a blanket over my head I said please stop please stop please stop please stop for about 10
Minutes and the sound is getting louder and louder and louder and louder and louder and then boom it just stopped next day I woke up and I told my future wife I’m going to start keeping Shabbat I didn’t tell her about the sound cuz I don’t want to think I was
Crazy but if few months later show me a video of a sound that was being heard all around the world but nobody knew where it was coming from and I heard the sound and I got the chills cuz it was the same sound that I heard that night
And I asked my wife now what’s that sound she goes what do you mean what’s the sound I said you’re showing me this video why are you showing me this video what’s that sound she goes you don’t know that sound I said no I don’t know
The sound that’s why I just asked you three times what the sound was she said David that’s a chofar blast and I start looking up on kab.org what’s a chofar blast and I see that apparently when Messiah comes there’s going to be a Chau far heard from all around the world
Nobody’s going to know where it’s coming from and everyone’s going to run back to hem I’m like that’s so weird and then I start to read kabalah very deep things about the show far how it wakes you up when your soul is in a state of sleepiness happens to be and it’s very
Fascinating how’s is blows the show for a blast no I actually read in says that there are these malim that are going around with little chofar and they’re looking for lost objects and when they find them they blow their chaar and then I went back to New Jersey
And I had my first Shabbat by my parents there’s aabad like an hour walk away walked all the way to the kabad sitting there first time with a partial reading I’m like wow this is so exciting I’m reading it but like I believe what’s in
The book now this is going to be so interesting and I’m reading about um parad ditra says the Jews got the Torah there’s this person in the beginning of the story he’s very lost then he realized there’s God and then there’s a this Torah that was being given Shem
Calls mosha up the mountain and it says that there are these s the sound of a chofar and it’s getting louder and louder and louder and louder it’s a p it’s not even a mid rush or anything it’s like literally what was saying and I got the chills again I’m like oh my
Gosh that’s what happened to me it was like Matan but there’s a problem problem is I have a lot of psychological issues still and I still suffer from depression all the time I still have terrible anxiety so I think my problems are going to go away now
Right of course once you realize there God you go to Yeshiva that’s it no more problems anymore that’s not how it works no comes to say in the 48th Torah ofan in the second section that as soon as a Jew desires to want to get close to
Hashem he’s met by that sound no I’m just kidding he’s rashi’s commentary he’s he’s met by rejection he appears to experience what feels like hasem is not listening to him he’s not paying attention to him he’s not interested in him but reab says that all of that is only for the sake of
Being brought closer so hold on brother this is what he says I wish I would have had that in the beginning but I didn’t have that in the beginning so my psychological problems are reaching their Apex because you know when you’re younger and you’re depressed
You can hide it you go in your room turn on the TV turn off the lights nobody knows maybe your mom only figures out 6 months in but now you’re married and you have kids and you’re religious and you’re in a community and the pressures are just so much
Pressure and it just hit an all time Apex and I had the worst depressive episode I ever had in my life and it lasted three years in my bed crying every single day feeling like the worst person in the world two little new infants with my
Wife my wife’s taking care of them in a foreign country by herself I’m not doing anything besides sitting in my bed every day and crying and feeling so bad and literally every day I’m asking my wife why would have him do this to me I gave up everything in my life I’m
Not perfect I make a million mistakes but this is really me trying my best how could this possibly help me she didn’t know what to say everything’s for the best everything’s going to be for the good you’re going to see it’s going to work out I promise you
Everything’s going to be fine she didn’t know you know she didn’t have any issues growing up in her family Tru truth is she probably did have mental health issues in the family but there’s no mental health awareness in the Safari Israeli world so so probably a few diagnosises I can give
Over there but uh nothing they’re aware of C so um so yeah so it was a big problem it was so so problematic that um I saw every psychiatrist I could possibly find I took every psychiatric Med I could possibly find nothing helped me and as the days go on you feel even
Worse because nothing’s working so you feel hopeless so now like I don’t even know what to do you know I believe in God yet he’s torturing me I’ve been unhappy now for three years and I made a whole new life based off of
This and I have no idea what to do and M still know what to do so I start looking up is there any types of other therapies you could do for depression maybe there’s like treatment resistant depression therapies you can find and so I found something called TMS it’s a trans magnetic stimulation
It’s a very new wave thing where they took this thing which is called ECT which they only have in the horror movies from the 70s Frankenstein yeah where they shock you and you lose memory and uh they did they found a healthier version of it where you can actually
Stay awake during it you don’t lose any memory it’s like these little micro shcks to your brain stay awake the whole time you just feel it feels weird and that’s it they said they found like a lot of success doing it but obviously it’s all out of pocket
You know so you know you’re going to have to pay a lot of money for it and so we did my parents were obviously very desperate so we did the treatment and what do you know David doesn’t get any better so again back in the same place
What am I going to do I don’t know what to do I’m literally don’t know what to do and this taking so long and my kids need me my wife needs me I don’t know I got so desperate that I actually did do ECT electric convulsive therapy they shock you while you’re
Asleep they give you a shot and it knocks you out and then they shock your brain there’s an 80% success rate 80% that’s a very high rate in the in the therapeutic world you should know not that I’m encouraging anybody to do this for sure not
But four out of five people get helped from this that means if you were struggling with depression your whole life and nothing ever helped you if you had five people in a room and you’re one of the five you have a 80% chance you’re probably going to get
Picked so I did it I lost about two or three years worth of memory I forgot a lot about my kids growing up for the first two years of us being together and I didn’t get any better there I am again the only one the one out of the five I’m the
One I don’t know what to do I have no idea what to do and now I’m actually worried about myself so I checked myself into a psych wward for months the story went a little weird right this wasn’t how the story was going up until this point did you get
Your memory back of your kids so I’ll tell you something very interesting I slowly over time got some of the memory back some stuff I still don’t remember but when I picked up which iser which was the only thing that gave me hope and kept me going and I was reading
Literally vifly every single day just to keep me alive and I opened it back up and I didn’t forget any of it I actually didn’t forget any of the Torah that I had learned during those years I just forgot everything else that was very weird but now I’m in a
Psychor and I’m not sure what to do and so I just want to make sure I don’t do anything to myself there’s a lot riding on this and I didn’t expect my life to turn out this way but here I am you know life happens like that sometimes you
Don’t expect it to go that way the only thing I brought with me was my taillan which they would let me put on unless they watch me cuz they’re scared I’m going to hurt myself and I had my uh my realt to fill in with me my laran this book The only
Thing that was keeping me alive when did you start learning that when did I start learning that years before that yeah that’s part of the pain you know you learn something and you believe it and it’s not happening and you have that for so long it’s a very painful
Experience almost worse than if you never learned it if you you never knew that Hashem loves you everything he does is for your good everything he does is to bring you closer to him so then again you could be like the evolutionary theory like you know it’s like okay well
Makes sense the world’s cruel it is what it is but like there’s a God who runs everything and a leaf doesn’t turn unless he wants it to and that means that I’m depressed and I can’t get any better because hem doesn’t want me to and all of it’s for my good because he
Loves me so much that could be even more painful so I’m in this place and I’m in a hospital gown and surrounded by all these other people all who end up in this place it’s like literally hell like I’m in hell but I’m still alive I feel
Like I’m in a dream like I don’t know how I got here when I was growing up my parents said you have so much potential you could do so many things and I kind of felt like that and just I don’t know I or know everything just starts falling apart everything everything everything
Everything and I’m like sitting in my bed and I’m in my hospital gown and I’m thinking about my life and how I got here and I’m thinking about the one thing that gives me hope it’s that book that I have this figure rabman his teachings it’s the only thing that keeps
Me God and I start to wonder to myself this God that RAB nak believes in the one that he got me to believe in is there anything that he tells me to do that I’m not doing so that I can feel and experience that and I realized at
That moment I didn’t I didn’t actually do anything rabi nakan told me to do I just learned his teachings just the same way I did my whole life I grew up secular so when you go to high school you go to public school how do you learn intellectually
That’s the beginning and that’s the end that’s great for school because it’s not real but what happens in your life you need something more than just an intellectual truth you need something to be real so me I’m learning it like those books but then I remembered that rabman
Said there’s something that you do if you do this it’s the best thing you could possibly do in your whole life for every day if you could take one hour out of your day at least and talk to Hashem like you’re speaking to your best friend about everything that’s
Going on with you in your heart everything in your own language Mish everything says this is the greatest possible a there’s no greater a than this there’s no great greater a vter than this there’s nothing higher or greater than this RAB says in the 25th lesson of there’s nothing greater than this and
I’m reading it all the time but I’m not doing it because that’s too scary that means I would have to believe I’m not sure I’m ready for that but now I’m desperate and I have to do something and I’m thinking to myself if I don’t change if I actually don’t
Change if I don’t do something different than I’ve done my whole life this isn’t going to end well and so I sat there with tears in my eyes and I made a promise to Hashem I said Hashem listen I don’t know why I still believe
Like you love me nothing in my life has made me feel like that’s true but I really do and I really do believe everything is coming from you I really do but I’m really stuck and I don’t know where to turn and I don’t know what to
Do this rebi tells me the one that I believe in his teachings the one that made me believe truly in you that if I speak to you for at least an hour a day you could change my life I said listen I promise you from this moment moving forward I’m going to
Talk to you for at least an hour every single day and I’m going to tell you everything everything The Good The Bad the ugly the successes the failures the highs the lows and you start to realize oh my gosh that’s why it says an hour it
Really does take an hour to do all That have a good night thank you nice to meet you and I said if you not just get me out of the psychor but if you actually turn my life around around where I’m not just surviving anymore but I’m actually living I promise you I will spend the
Rest of my life doing everything I can for your kids to be able to do the same exact thing and I started that in the psy word doing hiu for an hour and I started to get a little bit better a little bit better enough to get out
And I kept doing it because I made a promise and slowly slowly a little bit a little bit a little bit a little bit until all of a sudden somehow some way along the way I started to actually really believe in God and I started to see him in my life
And I started to see his kindnesses and I started to see his love and I started to see everything and now I’m here and I’m trying to fulfill that promise so this is a little bit of my story why am I telling you that story M Esther we
Know that pesak is the G right it’s the Redemption according to kabala pesak represents the beginning of History Nissan is the first month so what’s the last month now if we’re just looking at the calendar okay interesting nice but if you realize that the calendar is not
Just the calendar of a year but it’s a calendar of History so then you realize we’re going from n that means the end is is Mia is Mos born in so whatever happens in the Milla that’s how our G is going to happen how’s the Redemption happen so MIT I
Know how it happened how did it happen there was a birth it was a birth now there’s no birth something’s already inside of you it’s already been born it’s just concealed and the only way for you to personally have your own pry individual Gula is for you to reveal that beautiful beautiful
Thing that Hashem gave birth to you a long time ago that you know you believe somewhere deep down inside it’s in you and you just don’t know how to get it out that’s called per you have to reveal that part what’s that part called that’s the letter
Al says in the letter Al is the inside of you if you’re a woman it’s theik inside of you the letter Alf represents your consciousness of God your belief in God and your belief in yourself says that these two things go hand in hand you can’t believe in God if you don’t
Believe in yourself this is what he says so that’s the ALF inside of you Esther is two sections combined you have the Olive and you have the root word Hester hidden the hidden Olive Esther is not just a person Esther is every one of us every one of us is a beautiful
Shining Diamond an amazing Jew with precious stones inside of you but it’s all hidden it’s all concealed and we might think we’re waiting for some great figure to come like Moshe and save us because that’s how it happened in PES but the truth is mosha is telling you it’s your turn
Now I revealed myself already now you have to reveal yourself because we call Mill at Esther not Mill at Moshe not Mill because it’s Esther who needs to reveal herself for the exile to end the question is that all sounds great how do I reveal
The part that part of me right I’ve been trying I’m definitely trying every day I’m working at it I’m going to shum I’m reading books I’m speaking with friends about it I’m dressing like it I don’t know where how where how when I don’t know what do you
Do so we have to see who is Ester and with this we can end this year Esther sounds like it’s Mor’s niece however according to Kar it was Mor’s wife why the difference and why the distinction there’s an amazing thing that it says it says that morai raised Esther Mor raised
Esther what does that mean he raised Esther the word for raised in the Milla is actually the SCE of the word amuna a man if you look at it raised her what does it mean he raised her he raised her faith he raised her MAA she didn’t
Believe in herself and he got her to not only that but he said listen you don’t realize it because you’re stuck in darkness and you think you’re neb you have been kidnapped by a you were stuck in his prison you were trapped even though you’re now wearing religious Garb
And living a religious life you still feel Mish like you’re in the depths of that world and you never really got out and you feel like you’re waiting for me to help you and I’m telling you the Redemption is going to come through you the G is going to come through you when
When you tell a feris that you’re Jewish and she says me I I can’t he might kill me I don’t know M said to her listen if you do not do this somebody else is going to I don’t know about you but that’s like the weakest
Kizic I’ve ever heard can you imagine I had a whole Spiel with you I’m cleaning down on the line I tell you listen you have to do this everything is writing on it and guess what if you don’t she could do it easily you’re like uh okay so I’ll let her do
It what are we learning from this everyone’s Esther we’re all Esther I’m going to tell you a very quick thing and with this we’re going to see how you can ex to reveal that Olive how we’re not just going to celebrate pum but we’re really at pum we have a
Transformation we can reveal that light inside of us and that’s the very thing that we need in order to bring the G and I don’t know about you I can’t take this anymore why should I have to drive down here and my wife is worried something’s going to happen to me because I’m
Driving past Arabs this is our home why do I have to feel like that I came from America to here why should I have to not feel safe in my own home that’s the epitome of Exile I want this to end I’m sure you guys really want this to end
Right yeah so how do we do it it’s all inside of you how do you get it out rabman told a story once he said that people tell their kids stories to put them to sleep but I tell my children’s stories to wake them up so here’s a story it’s
Very short and with that we’re going to end Story Goes Like This there was once a Jew was very poor down on his luck and he couldn’t support his family there’s a lot of pressure on him every day being so poor not being able to support his family it was really hurting
Him he wasn’t like an absent father he really cared and he just couldn’t make any money caused him a lot of pain one day he had a dream and he dreamed that he was under this bridge in Vienna and he was digging up from the dirt treasure
And he woke up from the dream cuz that was such a weird dream and then he starts thinking to himself you know what happens when you get desperate maybe that dream was like meant something maybe we should do something about it I’m already so poor I’ve tried everything maybe there’s
Treasure there so he travels from Ukraine all the way to Vienna it’s very far Journey Back Then when they didn’t have Uber goes over there and he sees mamish that bridge that dirt that everything and he goes oh my gosh maybe they released treasure here maybe hasem
Is trying to help me and then he starts think thinking to himself cuz he’s Jewish and he’s smart so he says you know what if I start digging here they’re going to ask me why I’m digging and I’m going to have to tell them cuz there’s treasure here and then they’re
Going to say oh well we would like some also then I’m going to have to give it to them and that would defeat the whole purpose of me making this whole trip so you know what there’s that one non-jewish guard over there if I tell him what I’m doing then I’ll split it
With him but at least I’ll get half if it’s really there if it’s not there it’s not there but if it’s there then he’ll make sure nobody comes here because I let him in on the secret and I’ll still get half so he goes over and he tells this non-jewish
Guard that he thinks there’s treasure in here and he wants to know if he could dig it up and he just watches he goes sure no problem go ahead have fun he’s digging and digging and digging and then the non-jewish guard said to him he goes
I just have a question for you why do you think there’s treasure under here he goes oh I had a dream last night he goes what he goes yeah yeah I had a dream he goes you had a dream that’s why you came all the way here and
You’re digging under the there because you had a dream The non-jewish Bodyguard goes you Jews in your dreams cuz I also had a dream once there was a lot of treasure hidden under my bed rest in this little godforsaken village under this little poor uh home broken home and he’s describing this
Home he’s describing this city and it sounds to the Jew like he’s describing his own home and through this whole course of this thing he goes oh my gosh he goes you’re right you’re right that is crazy and he runs home and he looks under his bed rest and there’s
Treasure and he goes oh my gosh this whole time I was looking for Treasure looking everywhere I could find it couldn’t find it anywhere and the whole time it’s been hiding under my own head said every single Jew has treasure inside of them but you have to go to Vienna to find
It what’s Vienna so usually in the schools that are not uh interested in teaching you breast Li maybe don’t want you to know they don’t tell you the end of the story but there’s an end to that story and that’s not the end of the story the
End of the story RAB nak says is Vienna is theic and even though every single Jew is filled with a unique precious treasure it will remain hidden within them until they go to Vienna and even though Vienna seems like a very far away from where you were starting and it’s
Not really where you are it’s going somewhere else it’s a long journey but you have to take that journey in order to find what you always already had said biter I am Vienna so the question is how do we reveal that treasure inside of us how do
We reveal the alive so it’s not Esther it’s Esther it’s K it’s Redemption by the way es is Mal anybody who likes that kind of stuff the malut in Exile we need to reveal the Mal Faith okay very clear you look in the Milla after we’re done you’ll see I’m not
Making it up how did Esther get to the point that she was able to save the world what did she do she didn’t even think she was anything who may what am I going to do Mor raised her Mor raised her Mor is the so I highly encourage you if you
Don’t want the class just to be interesting or like you hey I met this crazy Rabbi who had this crazy experience with this girl and these drugs and this mental health issues and wow was so interesting and weird and like I don’t know why we invited that
Guy if you want it not to end there but you actually want your tomorrow to be different than today you know not just to be inspired rman says it’s not about just being inspired if the inspiration doesn’t actually change your life it doesn’t help you and hashm wants to help
You how do you actually get helped says you need to be raised by morai you need to allow morai to raise you and so when you leave here I highly encourage you to take a time that you think to yourself when I hear teachings from any of the
Sadik which of those Statics teachings resonates the most with me that this person Mish makes me feel that Hashem loves me he cares about me he wants the best for me he’s going to help me my life is going to be good there’s going to be blessings in my life what is it
That resonates deeply that when I hear this thing it’s like oh this is why I did Chu this thing whoever that person is don’t just read it like it’s a social studies history book read it like your life depends on it that that Sai can raise you because
That’s what they’re here for they’re here to raise us they’re not here to take away your individuality they’re not here to take away your T list they’re here to allow you to save the world to be Esther to redeem all of us and we all need
It figure out who your morai is if you really think about it for a few seconds you probably already know and then you’re going to see that that sadic has advice for you here’s the big from the class don’t just learn about that advice do
It and don’t just do it sometimes do it as much as they tell you to do it because if you go to a doctor and reab says don’t think that when you see doctors you’re seeing real doctors those doctors don’t know what they’re doing he
Said I know because I went to one and then I was positive after he didn’t know what he was doing said sikim are actually doctors they’re doctors of the Soul what happens if you go and somebody gives you a script because you have a some type of virus or something you have
Some type of illness says take it at this time this time don’t eat or drink anything beforehand make sure you eat or drink something with it make sure you get this much sleep this whole entire regiment so what do you do you take it because you just want to get better you
Pop the pill in you do that for two weeks you go back to the doctor and you’re not feeling any better and you go what’s going on I paid all this money out of pocket so I can be here I heard that you’re this greatest doctor everyone else is getting better I’m not
Getting any better you tell me what’s going on he said did you take the script you said yeah I took the pill you took it twice a day yeah I took it twice a day you ate something you didn’t eat anything before I mean no I mean I
Didn’t always not eat anything before sometimes I ate something before and you slept those am Mana hours not exactly sometimes I slept sometimes I didn’t and what about this no but who cares I took the pill I took the medicine why does it matter when who
If you he goes why did I why do you think I told you all this you think I’m bored you think I want to add to what you want to do I want the medicine to work that’s why I told you to do all those things re says well sikim are
Doctors so if they tell you these things they’re not cute ideas so that we could go tell them to our kids at the Shabbat table and that’s the end of it no when are they going to change your life when you do it I bless every single one of us think
About who’s your Vienna where is your Vienna I’m not telling you who Vienna is if you pray to hem and your M say who is Vienna Hashem will show you but whoever that is I highly highly encourage you say now what do I do in Vienna and if
You do that thing that they teach you in Vienna you’ll find the treasure under your head and maybe you’ll just save the whole world with you everybody have an amazing perm thank you guys
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