Were doing merch like I was literally cuz I learned from a lot of the street wear Brands you know that were coming up in that time and uh a friend of mine was like interning with this dude who had a street wear brand so I used to kind of
Like hang around them and I used to literally just look at everyone’s clothes like I would just study how the clothes were made the materials everything that was coming with it and uh when I started I was like yo I’m GNA go big from the gate I’m going to get
Like these fire hats made it’s going to be dism material like nobody’s going to be touching me and I spent all this money and I just ended up having so much like I just have I had like boxes full of just clothes just unsold because it
Was like I didn’t have an audience like I had a bunch of friends but know like the stuff that I was spending and like the type the money that I wanted for the things that I was like buying it was like nobody has the money that like nobody’s spending that kind of money
With you if they don’t know who you are so yeah yeah yeah so it uh yeah that’s where over the years yeah that’s where I’m getting stuck right now it’s [ __ ] trying to I keep uh you know friends keep asking like hey you know when you
Gonna drop when you gonna drop and it’s like dude it’s scary because like the first drop that I did I got stuck with so much [ __ ] um yeah and and the crazy part is those the same people that’s asking about it is the same people that’s not gonna support you they will
Never support y this what I learned preorders pre-orders like that’s it and then that’s why I’m like right now I’m very cautious about like buying like you know like being 100% and being able to like you know see the the material and stuff and then uh
And make sure that like you know I do like small runs because like I did that I was like you know freaking 15 from each size and I got stuck with all half that [ __ ] I know this drug in my mind I was like man I’m on hit the I even did the
Hype and everything people were like liking it liking it and then when I Dro nobody B ghost town ghost town I was selling like onesies and Tuesday and I was like oh you gotta be and that’s why I became a scrim because I got stuck with all the
[ __ ] that I made myself now I gotta pay for this stuff so I gotta come out this hole yeah now I’m trying to buy like trying to get come out with like you know uh like good like I want to get like a you know like a dress shirt a
Short sleeve dress shirt with the material but I want the material to be already be printed right so trying to find those vendors is just I’ve been looking all over over the place and I can’t find besides China I’ll send you some Pakistan would be better for that
Um to do the printing I know China is good but I think honestly when it comes to those types of cloths with the with like the material I think Pakistan does material really well they do it so much better and they’re so much better on timing with it oh yeah I
Just send me send me what you got brother I would really appreciate it because I really want yeah there’s these dudes I work with pretty good I’ll send them to you yeah because I wanna I want to get this going but it’s like I don’t want to rush it just because people are
Asking because then like like Jay says those same people will be the ones that like don’t even buy anything and then I just rush to to get something out and it’s like no I’m I’m on the I’m on up to my neck with with freaking [ __ ] that I
Can’t even sell so yeah big definitely like being very cautious this time and like it’s almost scary it’s almost scary Angelo sleeping on the Pod no I’m listening man my stomach hurts real bad you know like you sore you did chest day or something yeah dude I bench 320 on
The decline oh nice dud I was benching that before believe it or not look hey so we already live right check this out fathers if y’all in the gym if y’all in the gym and y’all trying to build the chest if yall not doing decline twice a week you failing yourself
Yeah the decline is the only um chest movement where you’re working the entire chest the entire the entire time all so all these dudes in the gym with like no no shade to you but all these dudes in the gym doing a flat Ben and which is great and you doing
Incline trying to work on your incline for nominal but if you’re not doing decline you’re failing yourself you’re setting yourself I would just I would just say save the flat bench and the incline for the dumbbells don’t even do the the whole barbell that’s how you that’s how you
Stuff more the only time where so I like to do machines nowadays um but I will do you know I will do the flat bench and I will do the uh the incline however um because of my wrist and my carpal tunnel I try to stick to the bar because
It’s just better better for me to stabilize it U with my wrist but you know huh you don’t wear wraps not all the time oh no that’s crazy tripping put wrap them wrap them well so I I used to wear RS a ton but I got to keep in mind if I’m trying
To strengthen something that I don’t want to um I don’t want to get too much assist at the same time so I try to I try to keep a a balance if you will on when I wear the raps and when I don’t that way my wrists are still slowly getting
Stronger but getting slow but anyways uh welcome to another edition of the fatherhood exclusive podcast I’m your host Jay Burke joined as always by Diego what’s up Diego what going on Gentlemen Just Another Day in Paradise absolutely absolutely I got Angelo Pomo on the line what’s up brother yo what’s up man
Angelo you’re always sick Bro no I I’m not always sick every every week he’s like I feel terrible I think you were sick last week bro he said that last week I feel terrible over not sick two different things Hur it’s all good we love you
Brother and then we got we got my guy back this week zo what’s up brother yo what’s up I’m back full effect yeah full effect man how how things been going things are good man uh I appreciate to talk it um you know I think what it did
For me was it helped me kind of like spearhead into the week so um I don’t know have you guys know like I met Jay through dancing years ago and uh so I I with one of my homies dreams we kind of built the Crump movement in New York
City so like there was like No crumpers And we were like the first two to my knowledge like there was nobody else and I was in the dance community so I knew you know where to frequent and I knew what was out there so um we had this
Movement called concrete City that uh myself and one of my little homies at the time started and it kind of just grew into the official Crump community so for years nothing really was happening and now I kind of was just like yo I want to see something happen
With this so this whole week has literally been uh you know um wifey’s been helping me with her company as well kind of just like put it together and in only a couple of amount like a few short days like I got together like a board we
Were kind of hashing out issues of what was going on and we established like all right these are GNA be the people to help this thing grow so like we got the Instagram going up and people are excited about seeing it so that’s kind of like a passion project that I’ve had
For a long time and like now yeah kind of just already moving people are really excited so now it’s really like all right so we do this the real way so it’s like yo in order for us to take this to the next level we gota we got to do
Things right and we’re not just doing the dancing side of it like we want to give people value so our first event is going to be something for the community so I think uh that like after our conversation it was just like yo you know we only got now so like let’s let’s
Get it these things that we want to get out let’s go I love it I love it that’s awesome yeah man hey can I say me fired up I’m telling you oh hey I showed I showed my girlfriend your daughter Nova right yes sir she said absolutely beautiful man like if I
Don’t post too many pictures of her uh just because you know we get weary of the online people but this girl now she’s she’s tall man like she she’s she looks the same as she does in the pictures but she’s so much taller and she’s so much more aware like I’m very
Happy you know with the progress that she’s made and like what we’re doing with her so it’s like that that and like whenever people see her they’re like y man she’s so like she’s always smiling very aware very social whenever we take her to the park she’s always you know even though
We keep her with us she’s still very social with people so you know that’s that’s interesting this is this is gonna be way off topic to what we’re gonna talk about today but so I met um I took Junior out what’s today Monday so I’ll be Lo track
We just talked about um yesterday I took PE I took Junior out in around the neighborhood and we were kind of meeting the neighbors and talking to the neighbors um I’m old school like that like people thought it was weird but it’s a beautiful thing I’m I’m used to
Like like kid go outside you know what I’m saying but if you gonna be outside I need to know who around the neighborhood and whatever like even though this is a neighborhood watch community that don’t mean nothing nowadays like no anyways so you know we met some kids in the
Neighborhood and they were like uh what’s your name and he was like junior he was like all right you want to come play with us like instantly and I’m just like it’s so dope that kids just like they see you once all of a sudden you’re
A friend like you know what I’m saying and it’s crazy how as we grow and we start to become more aware of the world we lose that sense of oh what’s the word I want to use you know what I’m saying like we lose that sense of uh it’s
Almost an innocence yeah it’s like that you know what I’m saying where we we give that that blind trust to other people you know what I’m saying the kids they just like hey what’s up what’s your name all right we friends now and you got it’s almost like they bully each
Other into it like yo we friends I’m going tomorrow outside bro can Junior come out to play yeah facts I’m like no Junior’s Junior’s coming out you don’t have a choice and they’ll guil you too they’ll guilt you like man I got no one else to play with yo exactly
Bro I’m not the bad guy here sure go outside and play yeah facts so anyways uh we met the next door neighbor too and um they have a niece that was over because everybody was having like their Sunday dinners and stuff like that which
I think is dope um love it I think you know people need to bring that back too like sit down with your family for Sunday dinner I don’t care if it’s tacos whatever just spend time with each other no phones just talk you know what I’m
Saying and uh you know check on each other and you know anyways so we met this little girl beautiful little baby girl she was two years old um same age as Adonis and um her name was Nova and uh you know talking to her mom her mom
Is a teacher and stuff like that and you know um the baby’s a model and I was like what she was like yeah she’s a model for so and so magazine and blah blah blah and I was like that’s crazy um because she like I want to say
She just turned to recently and I’m just like yo that’s crazy but when the girl was like on one like when one like all the Sass that zyla has at four years old she has no she was like exposed to it she saw Junior she was like what’s your name and
He was like I’m Junior what’s your name she was like he was like what had two yeah so they got a trampoline in the backyard and um she was like you’re coming to play with me on the trampoline and this little girl was two years old
She was like you’re kind to play me in a trampoline come on and he just went right along I was like yes ma’am so dope that’s ma’am yeah wow but anyways uh yeah so today uh we’re going to continue the conversation man from last week last
Week I feel like you know what I’m saying there was so much wisdom and there was so much power in the conversation um but we didn’t get to the part where we talked about when and how to make sure that even though your kids are definitely the
Priority in your life when to take a step back and make sure you’re taking care of yourself and also Al making sure you’re nurturing and taking care of your relationship um and relationships I should say so whether that be the relationship with your spouse relationship with your friends loved
Ones even relationship with your parents you know if yall on good terms or whatever like sometimes we get so laser focused as fathers whether it be providing or whether it be you know family time or spending time with our kids making sure that you know they’re getting the knowledge and education that
They need and all this other stuff but everything outside of that you know what I’m saying and I want to say that’s like a a male specific thing like like we’re more strategically um designed when it comes to our brains and so once we like lock
In on something like we like okay I gotta do this I gotta do this I got to do this you know what I’m saying but everything else outside of that if it’s not in our game plan or if we didn’t write it down it’s doesn’t mean time hacks yeah
Yeah exactly and my military folks like y’all know if y’all don’t got a Time hack if y’all don’t got a certain time you got to get it done or whatever it’s it almost vanishes in your head um and so we we’re gonna talk about the the importance of making sure that you
Nuture your uh what did I say nurt nuture that you nurture nurture relationships and that you check in and take care of yourself as well what you guys say towards that Diego like how do you feel about that no I think uh I think you uh you
Brought up a good point I think sometimes we get caught up on on just uh focusing on you know taking care of the family or taking care of your goals yeah that uh you forget about yourself which then can potentially end up passing on to you know not taking care of your
Right um you know once you decide to become a parent I think everybody has the the understanding that you know the the fun and the and and the partying kind of goes out the window yeah up to a certain point I think you still yeah I
Think you still have to find ways to have fun right um and enjoy enjoy life and enjoy the the the earnings that that you have you know you have worked hard for you know um I will tell you I’m I’m a very I’m I’m very guilty of it um because I sometimes
Sit down uh matter of fact today I was just sitting down at my house and I got down working and then all a sudden I was like you know I’m G to take a break and I just realized that and I’m being a little bit vulnerable here so bear with
Me um I realized that I don’t have a social life and it sucks it really sucks um because that’s all I know right um I’ve kind of detached myself with a lot from a lot of people because if I don’t see that that there’s a a level of
Of I would say like maturity or or I’m going to or they’re going to in a way influence me to push me to the next level and they just kind of messing around right and they just want to party I kind of like just retract right I’m
Like I’m not I’m not the I’m not the party guy or whatever you know um and there’s instances where like you know you just don’t fit right so like a lot of my buddies are are married they got they got their their their thing going
On so when you go and and try to butt in you kind of feel like the like the fifth wheel you know what I mean yeah so it kind of It kind it kind of sucks so at that point you I think you have to be self-conscious and you have
To start thinking about like all right you know what do I need to do to to take care of me and be able to make sure that you’re able to keep pushing in a healthy way right um it doesn’t do you any good to go over there and uh and say you know
What f it I’m I’m fine and I’m just GNA keep pushing through it and and uh and eventually it will go away because it doesn’t go away um you get to a point where like you you you start building you’re getting yourself overworked there’s and there’s times
Where like you know I think about it and and the way that I’m able refocus is like you know what am I doing this for right and then it kind of gives me that that extra like boost and say okay you got this and then you just kind of pull
Energy from there but um hence why I always work because I don’t like sitting down and think about stuff because when you start thinking too much about it it kind of It kind of um spirals down and and at least for me right so it’s it’s very important to
Like have that that good balance of like being able to take care of yourself and and have that uh uh that uh take care of yourself and take care of your your your partner right be able to let them know that you know um that you’re not just all about
Just work you know I mean um so I I think that’s how I see it now I mean I think I think today’s topic was like on point you know I mean it’s it’s it’s it’s a good reminder to kind of at least for me to kind of step back and just and
Just look at things and and actually try to enjoy life you know what I mean yeah absolutely Angelo what you got because I I know like so maybe it’s I don’t want to say it’s it’s easier but so there there’s certain times that you have your your
Kids is and there certain times you don’t so but so maybe that makes it easier to have those date nights and those that that’s uh time to yourself and you know such but when it’s a point where you have your kids on a constant basis like how
Do you how do you detach and make sure you make time you know what I’m saying not only just for you but for you and your girl um well I wanted to ask Diego one quick question like what so Diego you said you’re always booked you feel like
You don’t have a social life what is one thing that you can think of that like you treat yourself with like man I worked all day whether it’s like a beer candy bar something like I’m gonna go treat myself what’s your go-to pick me up you better not say candy bar I mean
Everybody has their own M yeah yeah yeah you want me to be honest with you I don’t know you don’t know maybe that’s something to to achieve time we talk week that is one thing that like um I would say I lost that that connection with with with the outside
World in a sense right um I’ll go I can go out there and say okay you know what I’m just gonna go and there’s times where I’m like you know what I’m just going to go over there and and enjoy myself and I’m just gon to splurge right and I go over there
And do like buy something that didn’t mean a damn thing it I just did because I thought it was going to make me feel good but it didn’t because it wasn’t it I think it just I think it was something that you know I just did it because I
Thought it was going to fix it um I think that is where I need to like start you know getting myself back into like you know pace and and finding those those moments where like you know I I hear a lot about about um um meditating
Right and I’m I’m I’m think about doing that stuff right to just a moment where like I just kind of like clean my my my mind and just kind of just try to find things to do because I mean h at the level where I’m at right now material
Stuff it doesn’t it doesn’t do it for me to me it’s yeah so maybe that maybe that spiritual route might be better for you you know get yourself like a yoga mat dude do some stretching 15 minutes before bed some deep box breathing you ever heard of box breathing
Yeah I heard of you so so a lot of a lot it’s a a lot of firefighters us it right you just you take about 16 seconds you breathe in for 4 seconds you breathe out for 4 seconds you breathe in for 4 seconds you breathe out for four seconds
Or try to scream therapy I mentioned I don’t know how many episodes ago long time yeah but for sure and that’s that’s actually uh the Box breathing Year talk about my therapist brought that up to me um last year because she was saying that’s how the the special operators that she um
That she talks to whatever that’s something that they practice when they when they’re having episodes of PTSD when they’re um when they’re like doing stuff you know on action and you know they get into a moment of high anxiety either after the fact or whatever when
They have to calm down um that’s that’s a method that they do um to get them into a good head space um and I started doing it out it it definitely helps out so it works all right what was your question sorry say it one more time oh I
Did want to say one more thing though okay maybe this is something just another suggestion um because I’m not I do appreciate materialistic things uh but for what they are you know what I’m saying I’m not like I don’t worship it I don’t you know what I’m saying
Idolize it or whatever but you know if I get something nice cool it is what it is I appreciate more so being in the position to get it you know what I’m saying however at what I try to do once a week um I don’t know if you can do it
Because your work schedule but even if it’s after work I get a cup of coffee and I walk around the neighborhood when it’s sunny outside and I just breathe fresh air and I just sit and I just look at this sky like wow like I made it
Another day you know what I’m saying I take that time to try to appreciate life I take that time to try to appreciate you know um myself and all the work that I’m doing and I try to like take that time to give myself those positive affirmations and stuff like that um
Because I too get lost in the saw sometimes and and I need to pull myself out you know what I’m saying I get so laser focused on getting something accomplished Vision that you know I forget um so that’s that’s another suggestion as well yeah but so my
Question for you Angelo is what what is something that you do to pull yourself I don’t want to say pull yourself away like distant wise but to to take that’s a good that’s a good way to say it yeah you know what I’m saying but to to realize oh I need to
Take care of myself I’m I’m so focused on the family that I haven’t taken care of myself what’s something that you do is separating you know what I’m saying um something that’s really common for me that’s uh kind of like you said walking around the block with your coffee is
When I sit in my ice baths pure pure it’s you know what’s going to suck and you’re just you sit in there and you know you’re making your body stronger so it’s it’s a panicky relaxing feeling if that makes sense at the same time you know um one
Thing I also do because you talked about mentioning you know keeping your good relationships with your loved ones and everything else like that so my grandmother she lives with me I would be completely lost without her but every Tuesday we go out I take her out to
Dinner on a dinner date we usually end up going to the casino afterwards just so I can show her her appreciation and we get that oneon-one contact we don’t sit on our phones well she don’t even know how to work her damn phone she’s 74
But but we just sit there we talk you know we you know we talk about you know what’s going to happen the next month tomorrow you know a year from now what does she want to do for her birthday what are we do all kinds of stuff we
Just sit there and and we just talk and and I think that’s one of the things that I love most is cuz she gets so excited cuz I don’t have my kids Sunday um morning till Wednesday morning so that Tuesday night it’s just me and
Her time you know I come home after the gym we just we pick a new restaurant we both haven’t been to so we try something new but we always end up at the same Casino afterwards nice but it’s awesome I mean I won 11100 bucks last Tuesday so okay right on new G
Always that’s something that people just take for granted man because of course like our kids like I said our kids are are top priority one of our top priorities but you know for for the moms and the grandmas like we got to realize that there are we can’t always stay in
This box like there there are people that not only I wouldn’t say need our attention but there are people that deserve our attention outside of you know our kids even though our kids are our priorities but bringing it full circle we also got to remember that if we’re not in a good
Space we can’t continue to provide we can’t continue to do what’s necessarily uh not necessarily but do what’s necessary to make sure our kids and our family is straight and our or stre if we’re in the wrong head space you know what I’m saying yeah you think the words
Out of my mouth man I think uh I think you I think me making sure that you’re good it’s it’s it’s key because just like we talked last last episode where if if uh you’re not doing well you can pass that energy to your kids yeah you
Still pass you if you’re not well you can still pass that energy to family your loved ones your wife your relationship right and you little by little you start detaching yourself from the world yeah and uh and that is where it’s dangerous right because once you
Once you once you have gotten to that level it is really hard to get back in there because you have now in a sense not pushed away people but or people already know how you are so they leave you alone so now you have to find a way
To get back into that same Rhythm and it’s going to awkward for you at least it is for me right yeah zo what’s something that you and wifey do to like get out of full Parenthood mode uh you know what to be honest we’re still figuring it out um okay just
Because you know we both pretty much you know work from our our space and you know we still trying to figure it out because Nova is still young but um you know we do we don’t do too much TV but like every so often we’ll find like a a
Really crappy movie like a new crappy movie hell yeah and we’ll just watch it together or we’ll watch like what we call Mindless TV so we’ll probably watch like a reality show or something and um or we we do you know we do go for walks
Like we take Nova to the park and then sometimes we just walk around so we do really like to be outdoors together um and we try to do is like a date night here and there but it’s like sometimes it kind of just it gets down to it
Because you’re like oh man we gota make sure the bills is paid make sure you know we’re just thinking of so much and we want to like upscale what we’re doing so um I think every so often it’s just something that I do I personally want to
Make more of an effort to do is like make sure like I’m being the one to kind of like pull us out that be like hey you know what let’s chill out let’s let’s go somewhere let’s just go outside let’s go to a restaurant let’s you know there’s
Literally a diner right behind the um the complex that we live at so we can literally like open the gate and boom the din is right there so nice you know just taking that time um something that Diego um and this is kind of to everyone
Something I wanted to offer to you Diego uh is uh definitely you know like Angelo said is like finding the thing that is kind of your treat um I can say that like in being a new dad so for me like making music isn’t just something that
Like I was using to propel myself like I genuinely enjoy making music like I genuinely enjoy dancing like these are things that like there was a time in my life where I was like yo I’m not focusing on anything else if it wasn’t uh dancing making music and like my
Clothing line and these are three things that like I genuinely enjoy so like when I get on my computer and I’m like working on a new design and I’m just sitting an illustrator making things happen and learning new skills in it or I record some new music or like I’m
Writing a new song or something or just like dancing even if I’m just putting on my headphones in the house like or I’ll take a walk to like I’ll take a walk to take the garbage out you know and in that time I’m just like moving you know
But these are things that genuinely fill me up with joy because I’ve devoted myself to them so like these things are like if I can just get time to do one of these things just kind of like freely it’ll make me feel better and it’s like
I I haven’t gotten that free time so it’s like building that free time back is like something I’m trying to do so I try to make sure like things are done around the house like you stacking chores you’re like all right let me take care of this let me try to make sure
Wife’s good let me make sure the baby’s good let me make sure dishes are done so it’s like you end up kind of like like you said in this cycle of work to where it’s like you almost overstep yourself and you’re like dang I’m so burnt out
Like I’m so tired I’mma just let me just you know do it tomorrow but um yeah I do think it’s very important to find just one little thing like it doesn’t have to be material just something if it’s an action if it’s like a one one thing
Right even if it’s like one thing that you’re like yo this is for me it’s not for nobody else like I do this because I like it and I think as men sometimes we are afraid to be selfish and more more of what I’m learning and when I’m reading and seeing
Things is like that you need that you need things that are for you because like you said if you are not good you’re the foundation of everything if you’re not good there’s nothing to build you know with you out of the picture more people lose out than just you because
Your kids lose out your mothers the the a like families lose out when a man is you know removed from the picture which is why they’ve been trying to remove men from the picture because we’re not here to protect if we’re not here to confide
And we’re not here to defend to to unify because that’s really what divine masculinity is it’s a Unity it’s us having these conversations so yeah having these things that kind of fill us up is very important and um there’s actually this book called uh the artist
Way and basically it’s like a it’s kind of like a guide to journaling but what it helps you do is it’s supposed to help you kind of like figure yourself out a little more and it’s like not it’s not just for artists or creatives it’s for
Anyone it’s like but if you are a creative it can help you kind of get your juices flowing but one thing that it does talk about that um that Angelo said is like the the dating yourself and I think Jay said it as well like it talks about taking yourself on dates so
It’s like at least two hours out of the week even if you could just take two hours of a week well I think it’s like four hours but basically you do that like you take yourself out you do something for you either take yourself out do something that that’s just
Strictly for you something that no one else love like even if it’s like yo I’m GNA flip this quarter for two hours straight because that’s just what I it’s like whatever the the one thing that you were like yo this is just for me like it doesn’t matter who likes it it’s you
Know what’s crazy important not to cut you off but go ahead that’s been a thing forever it’s it’s been the I feel like the tradition has shifted because you know um the idea of the quote unquote working man has shifted and then they tried to you know they’re trying to
Demasculate men and all this other stuff but that’s always been a thing like think about it back in the day it was always dudes in their garage like you know what I’m saying the old ladies he back in the G garage working on the car or motorcycle or
Something like that but it wasn’t because dudes just wanted to go work on a car it he needed that time and that private time to get his sanity back for one no like like we talked about last week there’s so much pressure and sometimes we put the pressure on ourselves but
There’s also societal pressure on men um because we are essentially The Gatekeepers we are um we are the head of the household we are what stands in between what could possibly be success for our family and what could possibly not be right if we take on the responsibility how we should
Anyway and so that can be a good and a bad thing however we still need to step away and get our minds wrapped around the fact that okay I need to take a couple breaths and I need to get it together and make sure that I’m straight
Because just like we said earlier if we not straight how can we make sure our family is straight when you get on a plane the flight attendants tell you to put your mask on first before you assist your family your kids or whatever and putting on their Mas because if you die
How you gonna help them and we got to carry that same concept into day-to-day life and now I’m saying this but and I’m so glad we having this conversation because I’ve been failing at this miserably for the past I want to say three months um I used to have a routine where
Um every other Friday um because I couldn’t do it every week because you know I I’m a busy dude I got a lot of kids you know running businesses and doing this and I just got out the military thankfully so I have a little bit more time but now I’m I feel
Like I’m a race against the clock trying to put me and my family in position to win at a higher level um um but nevertheless I used to you know have a routine and I need to get back into it to where every other Friday or Saturday I would
Uh get my feet done because my freaking I’m on my feet all I used to be on my feet all day I used to whatever so I would freaking uh get my feet done get a Hot Rocks massage or whatever because pains in my ankle pain in my feet whatever
Huh yeah I’d freaking get a massage or something or even if I couldn’t go get a massage or whatever I would go sit I would go to the mall and sit in one of those little massage chairs and just sit there for 10 minutes and then I would do a face mask
Or something you know what I’m saying make sure my melanin skin is you know beautiful you know keep the skin popping and then I do the teeth whitening or whatever and what like those are all rituals for my body but selfcare man it made me feel like it made me feel
Better about myself because I used to have a self-esteem issue it made me feel better about myself it made me feel refreshed and then I would like I said go on that walk with my cup of coffee um you know what I’m saying to to
Make sure that I breathe fresh air I I look up to the sky I than God for the day I’d pray you know what I’m saying that was kind of my meditation it’d be it wouldn’t be like sitting in the dark room which is you know cool too but my
Meditation was going on the walk and just taking deep breaths because in a way I feel like my life was going so fast I didn’t have time to breathe and I felt like I I put that on myself because I told myself I ain’t got
Time I could die tomorrow I can die five minutes from now I can die two seconds from now I got to do everything I can to make sure my family is in position to win and I’m not where I want to be yet but as men we get so caught up in that
Thought that we forget to it’s okay it’s okay and so I haven’t done that since the beginning of December I think that’s what Diego needs as a spa day yeah man I know yeah go get go get your r on you know some your back I tell you what since we’re both still
In Washington let’s plan a spa day together because I think I need one too do it do it a no one touching my feet though because I’m ticklish as hell so I’m gonna get a bloody nose but I think I think me and you should me
And D we we’ll record our spot day we’ll put we’ll send it to you Jas to put it on Instagram page D it’s it’s the little things bro it’s the little things that you might not think it may sound corny to some of y’all listening but I promise
You it will change your life it’ll change your outlook on life it’ll make you appreciate yourself more because again we started this podcast because the number one thing the number one thing that men want from anybody is appreciation the number one thing but who are we to expect appreciation from
Somebody else if we don’t even give it to ourselves that makes no sense make it make sense you got to appreciate yourself you gotta love yourself before you require somebody else to do so yeah because that’s a reflection of you right that’s that’s that’s that’s how it works
Right if you if you if you show you know that you feel like crap people not gonna want to be around you you know I mean so you have know that’s why they say you have to learn how to love yourself right but you have that’s a dangerous thing
Though because I can tell you I love myself right and I’m very happy with what I am but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I am I’m doing the right things to keep myself uh to take care of myself right um hence like you know this
Is why like in a way although I am I am um I’m I started the business and I and you know I’m thinking I’m retiring my fear of is that when I retire I’m going to lose the sense of purpose because to me my the military has been my thing I mean
I’m going 24 years in uh I love deploying right and you know I’ve deployed several countries and I that is where I detach myself from from the world and I go to the gym and I work out and and I literally take care of myself
And I come back and it’s like you know I was just as big as as as Angelo three years ago I’m my lasto man I came back 200 pounds like solid dude I I was just loving myself right came back here you get into the the rhythm of things and
And life the rhythm of reality and uh and you start going back again to your old ways and you start you know not taking care of yourself you start putting every everybody else first and uh you know so it’s it’s it’s it’s finding that that that thing I’m I’m
From an old generation of where like guys don’t cry guys are there to sh the the the family and you just chug it and you just keep pushing through right and and and until now I’m still like that you know I hear you guys um when you guys talk about uh your vulnerable
Moments and it’s hard for me to do the same thing that you guys do to be honest with you guys and and that’s why I’m I’m enjoying this this episode today because it kind of makes me think back of like of the stuff that I need to
Do to kind of put myself first to start taking care of myself because I all I do is I just chug chug chug and I don’t show it to nobody and I and to me I see it as a hey this is this is the
Way to do it and you know I’m gonna just keep pushing through it and that’s it and and and I don’t care what other people think and I honestly don’t care what other people think right but at the end of the day like eventually you’re gonna break you know I mean either
Screaming on the inside yeah either mentally you’re going to have a melt a breakdown or your body is just going to I was just reading the other day dealing with stressors and not being able to take care of it it’s a cancer like it literally you can develop canc
Hormones that gives you cancer just by chugging your problems and not talking about it I was like I’m about let me let me tell you guys a story right so this is Super V of the moment not even a lot of my you know and this would be like a
World premiere to like not too many people know this so back in 2019 uh my house the my house had a fire and everybody got out okay like 80 like 80% of the house pretty much got burned but it was like everything was all ruined so like uh my mom had this
Multif family home and I had like my own apartment on the bottom floor she lived on the secondary floor and uh we had a tenant upstairs and you know my nephew I guess he had like a bunch of stuff plugged in and then boom fire happens and it was like everything happened so
Fast he got so scared that like I couldn’t even get to the room to see how bad it was so I could like possibly put it out it was just like boom went up and uh got my mom out got everybody out and it was just like everything just
Happened so fast from that moment and like people were like coming up and calling so I’m like so I had an older brother and my older brother has like struggled with uh drug abuse so he was kind of just like I like not really like
I don’t really want to handle it and um so I was just like all right you you know I ched it up all these people are like coming up like the First Responders so I didn’t know there was like a whole business in First Responders so like one
Company came up and another guy so I started talking to this dude he kind of like I guess at the time it sounded all good so I was like all right cool you know bo bo bo but like down the line he was helping us out he got he got us into
A hotel for the night so I just kind of like had to go back and like pick some things up some clothes make sure you know my nephew had clothes because like all of his stuff was just gone and you know most of my mom stuff was gone so I
Had to make sure she had clothes and then I had clothes and uh so we got to the hotel and I remember like I’m just you know packing stuff and at the time I was dating this girl and like we had already broken up but she was like
Staying with me at the time and um the night of she was just like she like got out of the house and just kind of just like went on her way like I don’t even know I don’t know where she went but she like left the house or
Whatever and um so I remember like when we got to the hotel I’m like I’m just packing bags like I’m packing stuff and I remember we were like putting things in the hotel rooms and I remember like getting into the hotel room and when I tell you my body broke down and I
Started balling yo just balling like it was just flowing and I’ve always been the one you know that my friends come to with anything like they need advice everybody’s always at my house it’s like yo man Z that’s the dude everybody’s there and yo I was just like I don’t
Have nothing else like break I was at the bottom I felt super low just because so much stuff was happening and then my older brother is standing over me watching me cry and can’t do anything for me so that kind of like made it even
Worse and I’m like man in my head I’m like yo you’re my big brother man like come on give me something so like we didn’t so I was adopted so I was adopted from birth so he’s 10 years years older than me and his father had passed uh
Before I was adopted so it’s like he was kind of one of the father figures him and uh my cousin who had Liv with us growing up so it’s like you know I’m for the first time in a while I’m kind of looking to you to like do something for
Me and it was just like guance and it was just like yo I just sat there for probably like it might have only been like five minutes but it probably Fel it felt like an half hour and I remember I just stopped St I stood up and I was
Like all right let’s just pack just started packing everything and from there I was just like all right gotta do what you got you felt better though but I listen yo it felt like I’m I’m gonna tell you exactly what it felt like it felt like after the fact it was like
Somebody put their like a warm hand on your back and I think you know it was like that was some you know that was like that’s God telling you you needed that you needed that that wasn’t for you you know what I mean like you had to let all
Of that stuff out because like you said if you hold on to it you know there’s only there’s like I feel like men come to Crossroads in their life where it’s like you either go this way or this way and there’s those breaking points where it’s like all right I could turn away
From this whole family go about my business and not give it Dam and just be like yo I’m out for myself or you know I’mma go this way I just need to moment to myself so it was like from there I just did what I had to do made all the
Phone calls make sure we was good but I think like that is that to me was the the point where I was like yo man you’ve got to constantly reassure yourself and make sure that you know you are finding outlets for your emotion and it doesn’t necessarily mean like you know because
I’m angry I’mma go fight it just means like healthy Outlets where you get to kind of go through waves of emotion so it’s like people complain about these guys online but it’s like they’re able to go through those emotions where like they can rage in a video game and they
Can be happy because it it gives them an outlet you know so I think anything that men are able to do that kind of gives them an outlet which is why it’s like the cars you know the sports the all these things where they can go through
These waves of emotion and just kind of get it out and then come back home and then just like I’m good you know but I think that what the past told us was you know we watched all these men kind of chug it down and you know if you look at
Them years later a lot of them are miserable you know if you start asking your grandparents and great uncles and you’ll they’ll tell you like they they’re not happy you know there’s there’s no happiness there and I old man right and I think that the I think that
The con for men was we don’t deserve to be happy and I think that’s the the worst thing that they could have kind of sold to us is like don’t deserve to be happy we’re just here to be beautiful and I think that when that becomes the
The thing you take away more from a family than you take away more from the families in the future than you give them because it’s like if you can’t be happy like you through your happiness you show everyone how to live like men happy show everyone how to be happy so
Yeah I think that is very important you know and this is I think that’s like why I stay who I am like I’m always I’m I’m I always keep a positive outlook on things even when it start it’s like there’s still that hope like maybe not I
Think what I’m learning more is better discernment for who’s around me I think in the past you know I was just accepting of everyone I’m like oh man you know if you got good energy but I think a lot of things come in the form
Of good energy so I think for men we do have to have discernment but I think that you know a happy man is a is a healthy man and a a man who knows how to address his emotions and let it flow I think that’s that’s definitely solid
Yeah it’s crazy you say that so um me and Katie spent quite a while apart um because of my infidelity and my my ignorance um back in the day and you know we got back together last year and you know we were having some challenges
At first because I was like oh I gotta prove myself like you know what I’m saying the weight is on my shoulders now I gotta prove myself I gotta prove that I’ve changed I got to this and this and that and she had to check me which was
Different because I’m not used to that um but she checked me she was like look stop she said stop stop stop she said what are you doing she was like the whole happy wife happy life thing is not real this is a a woman telling me this and I’m just like
What she was like that whole happy wife happy life thing is not real it’s happy spouse happy house she was like you got to realize your value and that you’re just as important if not more important than what I got going on because it’s a
Team thing and she says it what she say she said uh she said if you’re not um taking care of your your mental health or whatever she was was like we’re the rest of us are dealing cuz we can’t do it without you why because you’re the leader and I
Was like first of all I was out of my mind because a woman was telling me this I was even out of my mind because of I did her so wrong in the past you know what I’m saying so I was even more out of my mind because of that and then
Third of all it took me a while to grasp that concept you like even throughout the year last year I was like but that doesn’t make sense that’s not we’ve been brainwashed to think we’ve been brainwashed to think so there’s two sides to it there’s the side where you know we’ve
Been brainwashing think that it’s all on our shoulders and we got to carry it alone you know what I’m saying and then there’s the flip side and I think I said it a couple episodes ago um we were what’s the word I want to use we were
Designed to be able to handle those stresses we were chosen and designed to be able to put that weight of the family on our backs that’s why you know spiritually we’re um chosen as the head of the household MH now now men hear me when I say this please hear me
When I say this that don’t mean that you the boss everybody that’s not what that means that’s a fact being a leader don’t mean that you go around the house always telling people what to do and you know you’re a tyrant and blah that’s not what being a leader is that’s not definitely
Not what being the head of the household is it’s about understanding your place your purpose your value and then being able to share that space with the rest of your family giving them that value and then allowing the circle of life if you will happen as it’s supposed to happen
Naturally so you know what I’m saying I think when she said that to me I was in such awe because like I said I never heard a woman say that before I’ve I’ve always questioned that that uh that phrase like okay why don’t we deserve you know why
Don’t we deserve to be happy and at some point I think psychologically we just give in it’s like okay whatever this is how life is supposed to be you know it is what it is our happiness don’t matter we’re supposed to be miserable as long
As they good we good that no no that’s not the purpose for your life it doesn’t make sense even when you lay it out it’s like if you and this is something I learned uh you know I was never really too too into religion you know I grew up
Which is crazy like so the the mother who adopted me my mother she’s actually Jewish so I grew up going to synagogues as a kid and then in my teens a lot of my friends were Christians so I was like they would bring you to their youth
Groups and uh in my young adulthood one of my boys brought me to his youth group and the guy was basically saying he was like you you can’t keep pouring into only one cup you know he was like because eventually you’ll have nothing left to poor he was like it’s got to be
An even trade because there will be times where you know your partner needs more pouring and there’s going to be times where you need more so it’s like if you keep keep pouring and you’re on empty you know then you won’t even be able to receive any more porn because
You’ll be too like you know it’ll it’ll be too much and then if one person is overflowing you know they won’t know what to do with all of it eventually it just becomes a more more more more more more more so I think that um you know it
Is important and this is something that this is one thing I like that you know the sphere of the podcast that have been coming out in conversations is that some of these conversations have been very uh fruitful which is like that and saying like you know men you need to have space
For yourself in these relationships because I think that even throughout the years men kind of just be like yo you know you do this for your woman and if you can’t do this for your woman you ain’t a real man but it’s like you know
A lot of the men who are more well off and get with these women it’s kind of like a power trip so it’s kind of like a I’m on top I can do this for you so you’re you’re here like I’ll never meet you as an equal you know it’s just like
I’m here and then you know when you are on par with somebody like you said it’s like it’s it’s a back and forth you know sometimes there’s space for you to to lead you know and even to lead means to to give the okay for someone to take the
Whe and that’s another thing so it’s like sometimes you need to be okay with being like y this is not my area expertise you know you you do that you know like do your thing and it’s having that reassurance because when you know when when it when it coincides like that
That it becomes symbiotic so it only it becomes one so you do feel like you’re one body because it’s like oh you know I already know you get busy with this you know by all means I got support you you know it’s like sometimes you know wifey
She likes to cook but I also like to cook so like there’s times where you know she might enjoy cooking more but if she’s not sometimes I might do it or just get some food or but there’s a there’s like a symbiosis to that where
It’s like you know it’s a it’s a give and take it’s a constant give and take and uh you want to make sure that like you’re not taking too much and you know you’re giving um you know you’re giving the right amounts but also you know you’re
Receiving the right amount as well so it’s it’s interesting man like I think this is the new space of like Millennial men just kind of opening up the floor to to being vulnerable like and something I wanted to touch on with Diego is like yo vulnerability doesn’t
Mean weakness and I know I’m not saying that’s how you you see it but I do think that uh what we’ve also been trained to believe is that vulnerability is weakness like if we cry if we say we’re frustrated sad or upset it’s a weakness but you know it’s the strongest thing
You can do because if you can voice your emotion if you can give voice and like give a face to what it is you’re feeling then that’s the easiest way to kind of like shove it you know shove it like oh you know you you you like what is this
Sadness like come on man I’m I’m better than that you know what I mean but going through those emotions and sitting with them because you you said something like you don’t really like to sit with those emotions because you FL into your thoughts let do it do it bro inside when
You get deep into it because I’ve been there man like people think that selflove is this beautiful Journey self Leve is a nasty Journey it it it’s painful it’s long and it’s like it’s a dirty Journey because you got to go within you got to uncover things about
Yourself that might be deep down there that you might not have known like Jay said something important like selfworth I know that I struggle with a self- worth because it’s like if somebody do you does you wrong why would you keep them around you somebody who loves them
Would be like yo I’m out first the first inkling of that that but when you when there is moments of like that self struggle you’ll be like it’s it’s all right man I I could I could put up with it just one more time but it’s like nah
Man if you really care for yourself it’s like nah I’m I’m not taking that and you know you know that you’re worth more so I think that um and it’s and it’s always a Learning Journey like you’re always going to learn your worth you know that you’re worth more it’s like it’s not
Something that yesterday I was like oh I’m I’m worth a million because tomorrow you might be worth two million and then 10 years from now you might be worth a billion so it’s like it’s constantly a journey of like yeah figuring out that worth and just kind of
Like maximizing that with digging deep and being like n I’m worth more than that yeah and also like just to you know tie it off last thing but I keep hearing this in my head when you when you said um you know retiring is is a scary thing um
And I keep hearing in my head it’s all connected it’s all connected it’s all connected and I think I think what the spirit is telling me is that not to it all spiritual on yall but I gotta say go ahead I think what the spirit is telling me is
That when you’re fighting those emotions when you’re fighting that that time to to actually feel those emotions and be vulnerable not not just to other people cuz I do believe you shouldn’t be vulnerable to everybody no absolutely not but there are certain people you know what I’m saying that you have to
Open up to and be vulnerable to but also vulnerable to yourself right so when you’re having those emotions even if you know you’re thinking I can’t go through this right now I don’t have time for this that’s the time that you need to experience that because then and only
Then can you begin to know yourself at a level where your purpose will be revealed so if you can’t sit there and understand your emotions go through those emotions and then trust that you’ll be able to come out on your other side in a more positive clear mindset then your vision is
Shaded and so at that point you need to take a step back and say okay look I need to understand who I am and why I am and my purpose is I can’t do that if I don’t know myself truly but for to for me to know myself truly I
Have to understand how I operate why I operate the way I operate and in doing that in experiencing those emotions that’s where you get mental Clarity does that make sense yeah and I’m gonna be the first one to say that I struggled for years that’s why I was the dude that
I used to be because I struggled for years I was like I’m not going to do that I’m not going to do that because because I had been hurt so much at the beginning of my life being bullied and you know cast out I was the the ugly
Black dude that was smart and people hated that I got good grades and I was quiet until I start you know learning martial arts and then they changed their tone but anyways but you know I used to get rocks thrown at me I used to get kicked upside
The head by random people just cuz I was quiet and I stayed to myself and then I started looking for acceptance you know from other people and other like gangs entities whatever um and that led to other things but once I finally decided to face myself that’s when I got Clarity
On what I’m supposed to be doing a vision for my family a vision for what life is supposed to look like for me um in my family and oh man the the peace feels phenomenal but I to go through hell to get to the peace and it sucks but I promise you
Like it’s worth it for sure can I say one more thing before we get off yeah go ahead so you mentioned earlier how like we got to keep our relationships with our friends sometimes life gets too busy you know fellas if you are feeling down sad depressed and you haven’t heard from any
Of your buddies in a long time reach out to them CU they could be going through the same [ __ ] sh oh and nothing is more therapeutic than you and your homies whether if it’s one 15 no matter what you’re not going through whatever you’re going through alone they you just got to
Be that bigger person and be like hey man let’s let’s hang out or can I come over 30 minutes 30 minutes can turn into an hour six hours and if you guys are just sitting there bitching about life it’s therapeutic yeah you know that’s that’s your safe space is your your boys
That are going through the same thing and it’s okay I’ve cried in front of my friends you know I’m like you I just wanted to go hang out and it just turned into a a heart to heart and I left feeling more like closer to my boys than
I ever have so just make sure you always checking on your buddies if you’re feeling down even if you’re not feeling down if you haven’t heard from them reach out because you could save somebody’s life or they can even save yours yeah and eight out eight times out
Of 10 that’s the situation cuz we like to it’s it’s human nature we like to victimize ourselves sometimes like oh what was me like they not reaching out to me but we we got a phone too eight times out of 10 they feeling some type of similar to what you’re
Feeling it might be a different Dynamic a different situation but 100% they’re going through something they just don’t want to talk to you about it because they thinking oh I can’t be vulnerable around this I or I don’t want to bother somebody with it I definitely been there
Man yeah abely yeah so reach out for sure man um yeah this has been a phenomenal conversation man I’m it it’s crazy man like we started this podcast last year and you know we kind of had a vision for you know where it was going but this is just to have these
Conversations is so important and then you know for those of you guys who are listening and watching um first of all make sure you hit that like button subscribe gotta say that you know what I’m saying support this movement support this Brotherhood support um fathers man you know what I’m saying support fathers
That are doing their thing let them know that you appreciate them let them know um that you see them just to be seen is so important to us we might not say it we’re probably not gonna say it but just to be seen I promise you it makes a
World of difference if you ladies if your man is acting funny if your man is acting funny if he if throwing you shade if he looking like he just down today maybe he had a rough day at work maybe he dreading going to work because he know what he got to deal
With maybe he don’t work at all and he wish he could you know what I’m saying maybe he maybe he thinking him Les Lessing himself because he’s not in a position to uh you know take care of you the way way he want to take care of you just let
Him know that you see him and there’s nothing wrong buying your man flowers yeah and and guess what if you don’t see him try to see him I promise you it will change your life it will change your relationship it will change your Dynamic and um it it’ll take you and your family
To the next level but we gonna get out here man um we appreciate drop something I might I might have to be back for another episode but you said something and yeah man hit you up because I like look man this thing is so phenomenal um man we’re just honored to have this
Platform to to share with y’all listeners and um man look if y’all have something that y’all want us to talk about hit us up the fatherhood exclusive at gmail.com or hit us up on our DMS on IG um that’s Instagram for you guys who don’t know at the fatherhood exclusive
Um we love y’all we appreciate y’all Diego thank you for being here as always you dig thank youel you want that thumbs thank you Angelo for being here uh man we appreciate you for joining us brother man I appreciate you guys just we’ll have you back for sure oh yeah I
Would love to be back man for real yeah absolutely absolutely um but yeah hey we love y’all we appreciate y’all stay strong you feel me and uh we’ll see y’all next week yep
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