Hello hello weāre the bells buddy and Betty I know itās just too cute for words but weāve learned to live with it uh weāre here for the Lambda Road Delta convention oh of course and youāre the couple who wanted the cabin next to the davises is Mr Davis a fraternity brother
Of yours oh we were all best friends in college we havenāt seen them for years we all went to Woodstock together our picture was in Life Magazine nudes for peace bud Oh you too look horrific have you bad great hey buddy hey Larry you havenāt changed a bit I mean not at all yeah well neither of you I mean you got a suit and tie but you kind of look like um like my father [Laughter]
This is this is great itās terrific a it yeah great Why Us why canāt this fraternity hold its convention on something that can withstand the shock Oh Captain I assure you thereās absolutely nothing to worry about the lambas are a great group of guys I donāt know I was one of
Dartmouth thatās what a lot has happened since you were in college like what animal house this should be satisfactory honorable consulted president Mr dict Queen Elizabeth President Reagan and the pope have sailed on this ship true but I know how particular you are sir no Captain St ah Grant woodro head of the
Lambda alumni association yes and heāll be staying with us back to University lambas as per my request youāre not planning on sleeping at the foot of my bed are you dick only if you want me to sir well there anything I can do to make your stay more comfortable please let me
Know super but all weāll need right now is the barber shop we getting a tad Shaggy gentl and you were expecting Animals are you Captain stupid if I say no will you leave my ship sorry for the disruption Iām Eric Matthews president of Lambda Ro Deltaās SCU chapter we Are hi Iām Iām very pleased to meet you uh this is Ace Evans a former Lambda and our shipās photographer heāll be taking pictures for the insurance claim Captain these guys are harmless trust me theyāre just a little over excited about the cruise thatās all uh Matthews letās
Get to our rooms uh this thing itās starting to leak leak yeah why would it leak what do you have in there you use the sacred Arc of the lambdas for a beer cooler sure I want you to take it up to the cabin and clean
It out and guard it with your life until after the ceremony all right Matthews donāt deviate your septum we are are so uh how are the women on this ship are these easy as drama Majors harmless trust me so one or two of the chapters are a
Little while I say we go with it really Got Okay best party oh thatās easy New Yearās Eve 1970 worst hangover New Year 1971 oh I have one I have one best restaurant for midnight Munchies Changs home of chain on a bun you got it how did we eat that garbage huh what this from the guy that used to bribe Chang
For the recipe best English Professor oh thatās easy daughtering Dr Dixon he never assigned papers he never gave exams all he did was read aloud from the collected works of Charles Dickens it was the best time it was the worst of times you know we didnāt realize but
Those really were the best of times hey give me a break that was College not the Renaissance all right all right but you canāt deny we had some pretty terrific times Iām not but it was only four years out of our Lives Iāve come a long way
Since the student strike for coet dorms canāt we talk about what weāre doing now hey the student strike I forgot all about that you remember I havenāt I was leading the C in in front of front of the library when they turned the water hoses on us I remember now the water
Pressure ripped off your blouse yeah and you didnāt even move I mean talk about dedication talk about humiliation nobody noticed [Applause] bir you imile you you splash water on my swimsuit now Iāll have to change okay hawy out of the pool he now okay be right with You hi find of I sit down uh no be my guest so you want to get naked excuse me yes heās on a mutant Exchange program and he looks so humanoid itās done weāre silly puty do you understand English a little touch one of the women on the ship and Iāll kill you
Okay so you want to get naked didnāt you hear what I just said canāt help it major Yos look if they want to get naked theyāll let you know all right thatās it thatās it everybody out of everybody over here guys come here I thought I made it clear to you
Idiot so we canāt cause any trouble on board may I remind you that our chapter is on probation know then act like it get out of here yeah whoās guarding the AR Landes Feldman we tied him to it you there Iām Nolan dick president of the backer University chapter oh Iām mer I
Know Matthews your chapterās disgrace to the entire lambar Ro Delta tradition not to mention the world well we do what we can you see most of us who have devoted Our Lives to lambar Road Delta did so because of the benefits that come from being a member of a prestigious
Fraternity thanks to you and your Riff Raff weāre going to have a difficult time getting a job with any of the Fortune 500 oh sorry I seem youāve dozed off while you were speaking do us all a favor and affiliate with an organization more suited to your style perhaps Hellās
Angels always good to meet a brother may I have your attention please for those of you who have been making out in the lifeboats Iād like to remind you that these are safety devices and are absolutely off limits and I want all those air horns in my office immediately Now how much of this stuff should we dump in letās see I recommend a/4 cup for one load 800 boxes Nolan what makes you so so sure the se you guys are going to get blamed for this Elementary Mr Conie hey thatās 71 all you need is one more one more youāre going to make us all famous one more for the record books come on this is getting out of control I got four people in the infirmary already hangovers well three sunburns in what appears to be a case of third degree
Hickey 72 do it do it okay hey guys guys guys listen hey wait a second thatās it get him out of here before he explodes come on itās a champion oh and look hereās our cabin Larry built it we have the most wonderful view of TOs
Honey show them a picture of our condo when the smog is light you can see all of la oh you live in a highrise huh yeah yeah we have excellent security oh so do we see uh nobody lives around us must get kind of lonely now we like it better in the crowded
City the city is where itās happening uh you know you look very nice tonight Larry yeah this is probably the most dressed up Iāve been since the premier of Easy Rider yeah I love this necklace you sent me Larry you do beautiful work oh thank
You each one of those stones by the way are blessed by an old Indian priest well I think itās time for dinner should we go inside oh buddy Betty tells me you had something specially prepared for all of us right I had them do the Lamb with a
Special Dharma greb Curry like like I do at home in the microwave oh the microwave doesnāt that put out radiation and poison the body no it puts out heat and Cooks the Food so will you come well I donāt know how many people are going to be at this party oh itās hard to tell these things have a way of mushrooming before the mushroom how many uh counting Amy um three and let me take a wild guess
Itās going to take place in your cabin right but um weāre going to have to keep a very low profile about this yeah thatās no easy thing when youāve got a profile like Hawkin we have to do a show in an hour and afterwards weāre really pretty tired yeah and we hate parties
So what do you think I donāt know we are going to have to come up with some great way to impress these girls girls like guys with a sense of humor mhm got some fake vomit in my room now we are going to have to come up with something even better than [Laughter]
That oh good get some work this man House help maintenance housekeeping somebody send a [Applause] Plumber would you like to dance oh Iād love To my name is I know Eric Matthews Iāve had my eye on you since this Cru started Iām Connie dish Delta roai a sorority sister in the [Applause] Flush I am I think Iād like to sit this one out okay no um I mean out out itās a little stuffy in here do you mind if we take a walk in a more secluded pleas are you kidding compliance is my middle name mineās Lendy you know this is fun I think weāre in pretty good shape for a bunch of oldtimers yeah well Betty and I go down to the health club every other day I owe these thighs to my aerobics instructor Larry and I work out too itās
100 yard our hike to our well for our spring water is it crazy how we start the entire Fitness industry to do exactly what primitive man did naturally yeah well itās easier to go down to the health club than it is to drag Betty around by the hair I think weāve
Progressed beyond that point you saying that Iām in Neanderthal because I donāt belong to one of your fleshies well actually the fitness center is a very serious health club we have a 24-hour nutrition counselor yeah the people who go there are really into Health but it is a bit narcissistic
Isnāt it I mean mirrors on the walls and leotard boutiques now hold it just a minute are you calling me narcissistic oh no buddy I think what Larry means is just that people from Southern California tend to be more conscious of their physical appearance uhhuh yeah
Well I guess when you live on a mountain top it doesnāt really matter what you look like wait a minute buddy Iām not in a confrontation Iām out of here wow you could use an hour in the gym to work off some of that hostility oh yeah maybe youād like to lend him
Your workout Tape you know I thought Iād seen everything but that guy was the last straw Iām going to put a sign in all the bars that say no pants no service funny I didnāt notice it right away probably because of his tan ladies and gentlemen the international Lounge is proud to present the [Applause] Mermaid La Donāt you want to see the Lou show [Laughter] no I didnāt know I was this easy oh Iām sorry Iām coming on a little too strong arenāt I well a little do you want me stop what what was the Question N you know in my day the lambas had more respect for womenās clothing this is not to say that an occasional pledge didnāt dabble in bazer trafficking but these men these men were good students honorable exalted president I took the liberty of sectioning your grapefruit myself I know how fussy you
Are about the membranes let it rest dickfer what are you laughing at Matthews youāre going to pay for that soap sets prank we had nothing to do with it weāre innocent sir we were drinking and chasing women honest I about had it with you guys painting SCU
On the lifeboats setting off the shipās fire alarm putting exploding cigars in the gift shop thatās a good one look one more shenan and one more disruption and you guys are out of the fraternity sir we were not responsible for any of that oh no huh now these were found in the shipās
Pool H how do you explain that my hat Iāve never seen this before in my life you know if I had my way you guys would never have had custody of the Sacred Arc of the land is to begin with the tradition has it that each chapter
Must have it for a year Iām just glad that this year is over with now get out of here sir you can eat that get out of here well you heard him thanks to you guys weāre practically history in this fraternity weāre sorry Eric we canāt
Help it itās just that when youāre not around we kind of lose control yeah we become ourselves and whatās with this soap saids thing thatās juven even for you guys no we had nothing to do with that I swear you swear I swear you know I think someoneās trying to frame us yeah
And I think itās fairly obvious who that someone is they put a stink bomb in the air conditioning duck Adam Iām getting tired of all this foolishness well we finally got all the soap suds cleaned up Sir so no harm no foul right sir I think
The pool should be off limits to those guys and the and the dining room I better check the infirmary is there any way we can close off the passageways Captain youāre going to restrict the litus to their cabins for the rest of the cruise yeah now the only remaining
Question is whether their do should be lock locked or unlocked theyāre just having fun thatās all come on you guys went to college donāt you remember what itās like to have fun no come on Captain you once told me that you were a member of a fraternity now didnāt you guys ever
Do anything just for the fun of it h well uh that was one time actually I knew it all right whatā you do no no no no come on open up what was the big stunt well uh we uh loosened the top of the salt shakers in the cafeteria thatās pathetic
These kids are dangerous lock their doors Iām with you sir now look Captain the cruise is almost over Iām sure that the lambas have pulled all the stunts are going to pull Captain I know in the bottom of my heart that when you think this over youāre going to give the lambadas another Chance [Applause] Iāll see to it these are recycled [Applause] [Laughter] Sir good morning and welcome to bapco land tours will be leaving in 10 minutes from the coral deck gangway we hope you enjoy your day by the way for you colleg men please note that maritime law defines unauthorized use of the shipās launch as an act of piracy PID to the
Pyramid to the pyramid to the pyamid to the pyramid excuse me excuse me but uh what are you guys doing initiating horbath how does he feel about about that he likes it see trying that again you donāt get to see the dance of the virgins see you
Later see I just donāt understand why they have to do all these crazy stunts in my neighborhood the loser used to wear the bandages itās tradition when I went to med school they made us dress up like women and try to pick up men at the Fister Hotel
Educated men did that Isaac youāve got to learn to be more tolerant they didnāt do any real harm yeah I guess youāre right you know I wonder where they got all those gauze bandages Iāll kill the little Weasel Weāre all behaving a little childishly donāt you think kind of I mean just because those two are going at each other thereās no reason for us to get involved and it is there yeah we have a lot of years invested in this friendship donāt
We we have a lot of memories in common I used to tell you everything thing I remember you were the first person I called on the night I realized I was in love with Larry Iāll never forget that it was so romantic you got arrested at
The campus ride for peace fell in love in the Patty wagon when I came down to belly out there you were kissing through the wire mesh yeah to this day the smell of teargas brings tears to my eyes Sorry I snapped at you last night look letās make a pack okay no matter how obnoxious those two get weāre not going to get involved deal Deal say remember that guy you dated used to sing and bed what ever happened to him I married him that was Larry hell yeah I always know when things have gone well he does the entire second side of Abby Road I canāt believe it I thought for sure that old bag of Republican wind was finally going to kick them out of the fraternity what do we do now noan give up I beg your pardon I said what do we do now give up where did you get a prep school oh
Now sorry what we do do now is move on to plan kick them while theyāre down is a list of some of the things youāll be needing should have no trouble finding any of these items on Shore should however an unforeseeable snag arise I can be reached at the NOA
Asparta tennis Clinic any questions super Miss dish I just came to tell you I quit or cont Mis you canāt quit your assignmentās just begun look this Ericās a nice guy why donāt we just leave him alone well if heās so nice then you wonāt mind keeping the Divine Mr M
Occupied for the night we have a little surprise plan for this ceremony and we want him out of the way forget it unlike the rest of the people in this room I have been able to retain at least a few of my value use really then perhaps we should inform
Professor erck where you purchased your term paper on crime and Punishment now weāre going into aapco with Larry and Rebecca today and weāre going to have fun do you understand yeah here they are hi weāre just about set hi I brought my guide book what should we do first first whatever you want doesnāt make any difference to me well why donāt we start
At the open market we could pick up a few souvenirs oh itās kind of hot over there and itās awfully crowded well we could go to the mission thereās a tour that starts at 2:00 honey we already went to the one in Santa Barbara all right why donāt you two guys
Decide hey whatever fine fine with me yeah anythingās okay with me see Iāve got a great idea why donāt we just wing it weāll go wherever our feet take us a great plan no itās a good idea we wonāt be slaves to a schedule come on letās go catch the
Launch I can feel the fun Already For wow invite a guy to your room you really set a mood would you like something to drink uh wine beer iced tea champagne Mocha Mix iced tea sounds good itās uh got to get get cold you and I the other hand uh Connie listen Iām in a little bit of a rush
Tonight kind Rush Oh God in heaven yes but need to uh show up at the bank at the ceremony tonight we passing the Ark of the lambas and itās what about our ceremony oh yeah I really need to check up on the guys no I canāt let You donāt worry I Iāll come back oh Iām not worried itās just that uh you donāt understand I mean uh the minute you leave I could lose my mood completely I mean I could never ever get it back again Iām sorry Eric thereās just too much at stake here I canāt let you
Leave I really have to Eric oh I was hoping I wouldnāt have to tell you this but you leave me no choice thereās an even more important reason why I canāt let you leave whatās that my entire Futureās at stake arenāt you putting a lot of
Pressure on yourself oh itās not me itās itās noan Nolan he forced me to do this oh I get it please let me explain okay no donāt bother just who do you think youāre dealing with youāre a freshman if I ever pass philosophy Iāll be a senior I know set
Up look I told you Iād buy you a new pair of shoes what else can I do huh you could stop dressing like Willie Nelsonās brother youāre really being a crybaby about this itās not Larryās fault we were robbed not his fault all I wanted
To do was go into aapo and have a little fun do some Paris sailing lie on the beach have a p colada we did all have P coladas at the police station hey those things happen no they donāt not L youāve got a hippie friend with some idiot idea
About hiking the Mountain Trails of aapco oh and youād rather spend your vacation in the lap of crass commercialism hey I like craft commercialism itās a whole lot more comfortable and the Pina Coladas are cold not served out of a canteen great they got my key they stole
My shoes my key my camera and my gold card I love that gold card guess Iām lucky I donāt own a gold card oh yeah youāre a real lucky guy all they got off you was $20 cash you know why they didnāt steal your shoes too because they
Were already wearing better shoes and you got on buddy thatās enough I see you judge a man by his shoes shut up Larry all Betty and I have done today is listen to you two guys fight we are sick of it we came on this trip together
Because we were old friends who hadnāt seen each other in a long time and you two have spoiled everything everybody changes canāt you see that if you can accept it at least shut up long enough so that Betty and I can enjoy the rest of our trip and I have the
Key hey you donāt have the gold C too do You ladies and gentlemen we hope you enjoyed your stay in Sunny aapo we would like to remind you to stay clear of the Leo deck as the lambas will be having their banquet There feel ridiculous in this thing yeah I donāt see why he work calf cans all through college well that was different these things make you feel like you were here to sing the Messiah tradition lends continuity to our lives hey remember when we were helping with voter registration in Mississippi
We were driving down that back road got stopped by a crowd building a bonfire in a field remember Larry you thought it was a k clux clan of course it turned out to be a football pep rally for the local high school oh and remember the summer we hitchhiked the Woodstock buddy
Yeah the music sense of Brotherhood the long lines for the toilets Iām not going to present the Arc of the lambas looking like an idiot why not you do everything else looking like an idiot sorry Iām late guys I just found out the dickfur set Connie up to keep me
Away from the ceremony tonight give me locked in her room thatās disgusting she still there by any chance your mind itās like an open sewer come on guys why arenāt you dressed aha small problem we have been short red and you know the tradition of the fraternity canāt wear anything
Underneath them why not because nothing must come between you and your role but loyalty and honor and this thing itās just not long enough to cover my honor welcome man of fi the en courage and Friends weāll open our annual Lambda Road Delta banquet with the traditional greeting fer robai Pap filer robai
Pap rejoice in the Brotherhood of Man and now before we Feast together weāll have the passing of the Sacred Lambda Ark which contains the sacred relics now the new Guardian will be the Baxter University lambas last yearās Guardians the SCU Landers uh will make the Presentation letās get it no thatās exactly what they want us to do get kicked out on the spot letās go ahead with the ceremony weāll deal with them later sir itās obvious these mud dwellers have nothing but contempt for tradition deckford canāt you ever speak like a normal
Person itās just not my style so Mr Matthews I trust you have an explanation for your retired uh we grew over the summer the SCU chapter of lambar Ro Delta is proud to turn over the sacred Arc of relics to our brothers at Baxter we have guarded the cherished relics and
Now present them for your review remember this part yeah I wonder what the chicken Symbolize What I donāt understand is how did they get enough pingpong balls to fill up the entire casino well I guess itā be my fault sir they told me they were going to have some sort of major turn Vicky whatās the matter somebody raided my room I wonder
Who I Iāll kill him I will kill this Iām putting a lock on my Dresser Mr Matthews you allowed chickens to roost on our relics From This Moment your chapter is officially out of this fraternity oh come on sir we didnāt know the chickens were in there we were just as surprised as you were talk talk talk talk youāre out Matthews thatās my final
Verdict yes sir letās go guys super champagne for everyone you know dford oh something just occurred to me weāre out of this fraternity we have no reason to be on good behavior do we how about a nice dessert you donāt have the tarity Mr Matthews this is conduct in gentle gentlemen gentle
Gentlemen gentl gentlemen gentlemen I think this is the time to exercise a little selfcontrol kind reminds me of Chicago 68 except what we were dodging was a lot more dangerous than pies yeah but if we threw pies it was for a better America come on letās show these kids how itās done come On getting mean now people please stop this Madness ladies and gentlemen may I remind you that we are not children I appreciate your Cooperation Iām giving the lambas who are holding my daughter just 5 minutes to return her to my cabin no questions asked admire the way you first beat that lemon mering pie across the room yeah well itās all on the wrist yeah we kind of got off on the
Wrong foot and stayed there for two days didnāt we yeah my fault too itās not like we didnāt fight in college oh we fought yeah but we stayed friends listen next year Betty and I are going to be going out to Yos why donāt you guys join us weāve got all kinds of
Room in the A-frame youāre going to go to the Wilderness and youāre going to stay in a house yeah tell you what you and Rebecca can pitch a tent out in the backyard all right weāll have a great time well tell you what if itāll make
You feel any better we wonāt let you use the bathrooms I donāt believe this look at this mess all right okay I donāt care how long it takes I want you to keep everybody out here at work until this deck is sugarfree you got that good night you know we put Limburger cheese
In the Deanās light socket back in 48 that was a funeral donāt bur this forgive me son but youāve got a blueberry in your teeth right there you stop that Mr W Mr wood thereās something I have to tell you you talk and Iāll talk Little Miss turn oh go ahead cuz I
Donāt care anymore talk about what Eric Nolan blackmailed me to help him with this crummy little schem Mr Woodrow the SCU lambas are not responsible for the havoc on this ship you mean they didnāt disrupt the mermaidās performance no they did that they didnāt start the
Pifi oh my God I really I I I didnāt know I mean all I know is that they didnāt fill the swimming pool soap Sid or paint the lifeboats or put chickens in the sacred Ark because this man was responsible for all of that he wanted to
Blame the SCU lambdas for everything so youād expel them I swear sir on my motherās life I did none of those things sure you did okay but I meant well I wanted a better fraternity for the sake of our founding fathers theyāre dead go to your room dickfer go to your room
Dickfer that was a wonderful thing you did young lady you too Matthews but I didnāt say anything sir thatās what I mean I seem to have this um habit of doing very dramatic things when Iām with you I hope so k K well I guess weāll all be be seeing each other in to in June yes and youāre going to come visit us in Los Angeles right word of honor your son Robert will have fun playing with our coyote um Iām not sure I want him playing with a wild
Animal Coyoteās our son oh heās very Tang pthew you know how a fraternity is bound by those secret things yes sir I think at food fight last night should have remain one of those secret things yes sir Super sorry easy with that dick youāre already skating up then I if another fraternity overboards this ship again Iām taking a cruise oh come on dad they werenāt that bad they werenāt that bad what are you talking about they kidnapped you they held you over 4 hours yeah Vicky what exactly
Happened I canāt talk right now dad Iāve got a date bye Vicki with Home Vicki all righty everybody look happy the captain keeps scrapbook oh thatās a beauty great thank you youāll get that to us as soon as possible right sir thank you donāt move oh this will make an incredible picture I know the lighting is perfect and if I
Tilt my head a little to the left the composition will be exactly right to immortalize me on film but are you a mind reader no my father was a photographer that was the line he used to meet my mother good all righty Ace Ace donāt forget the chef
Needs a picture of his welcome aboard Buffet before we let the passengers loose on it okay right you got it well Ace yes you that family that won the most happy family award well theyāve waited so long for you to take their picture theyāre yelling at one another
All right be there as soon as Iām free now miss well looks like Iām free now Frank this is such a big ship how will we ever find her donāt worry sheās here why donāt you look around for her while I go check us in it looks like youāre looking for
Someone special oh yes I am Iām looking for my daughter mom Sandy glad I can help oh my baby oh oh itās been so so long so long sweetheart why did you ever go oh Mom please not now okay Iām sorry itās just that Iāve missed you so much I missed you too
Oh hi Sandy welcome home how about a kiss for you dear old stepdad huh I thought you said that Frank was in Detroit on business mom he was but the trip got cancelled anyway is this better now our happy little family is back together again happy little family enjoy your cruise HIC welcome hi welcome aboard hi my name is Devin Arnold Devin stupid thanck you stupid uh that makes me Bricker Adam Bricker doctor medical backup thatās very good excuse me Mr delin is that briefcase handcuff to your wrist thatās my job miss you arrest briefcases I I am an international
Courier really whatās in there Iām sorry but for security reasons I canāt say not even if you pulled out all of my fingernails I donāt think we want to know that badly sometimes itās gold sometimes itās diamonds sometimes itās gold and diamond did someone just say gold and diamonds I
Didnāt hear anyone say that me either must be my ears playing tricks on me would you happen to have a light a light certainly you ever thought about giving up cigarettes have you ever thought of carrying your attache case like everyone else wait my nameās Arnold Arnold Devin
It was nice to meet you bye oh for this is really a good picture of the chef let me see oh yeah look at this she made him look 10 years younger and 20 lbs thinner but you see in the right hands of camera does lie I wish I could take pictures like
This but when I get behind the camera I just get intimidated itās all in the approach especially with someone of the opposite sex and that is definitely someone of the opposite sex she looks unprop right oh yeah iā say your chances there between slim and none
Nay this is my key to a new relationship look and learn Excuse Me Miss but the light is just right and the composition is perfect Iāve got to immortalize you on fil well I thought youād never asked youāll be my Mona Lisa plain old Lisa Lisa Baxter coincidence made in heaven but
You are hardly playing and I doubt you will ever look old Ashley cing to EV Ace for sure excuse me Ace dad wants to see you on the bridge deck with your camera thank you Vicky I hope you give rain checks for you even Sun checks in case it doesnāt right but Ace wait a minute congratulations Ace remind me if Iām ever wearing a hat again I much tip it to right do that approach will work for me with a man sure um but I wouldnāt tell him heās going to be your Mona Lisa PR bet youāve never even seen the
Mona Lisa no but Iāve read the Book You look so so good honey youāre so grown up well I am a year older having a job and being on my own help too is that why you didnāt come back because you wanted to be independent itās because of Frank isnāt it is that the reason why you didnāt
Come back what makes you say that well sometimes a stepfatherās hard to accept especially since you loved your father so much yeah Dad was something special Frank could be too if you just give him a chance well he must have some good qualities after all I married him Mom I I really donāt
Sweetheart try to get to know him please Iāll try okay I made my way onto the Leo deck the life of an international Courier is lonely and dangerous I had to be on my guard every minute absolutely no one but be trust me at least I didnāt have to worry about
Anyone carrying concealed weapons wow hello there my name is Ellen do you remember me oh hi therea I mean hi there are you all alone well not exactly do you have that handcuff to your wrist for business or do you just misplace things a lots I am an international CER an
International cour Iād rather people didnāt know okay my lips are sealed the only way this this leaves my side as if someone saws my arm off does that happen often only twice and then you run out of arms I like you Arnold what does your
Evening look like uh a lot like my day but darker would you like to have dinner with me say around 8:00 oh come on I wonāt bite you well Iām trying to withstand pain okay great then Iāll see you at 8 why was I falling for this doll it was
One of those questions you canāt answer like how did the ocean fall Overboard hi well the you ubiquitous cameraman ubiquitous let me guess high school English teacher from Chicago no a crossroad puzzle fan from De Moine okay uh where do you want me on my lap letās take the picture first here we go H yeah yeah thatās thatās about it right there okay a do
You really think thatās the best angle oh sorry just watching a professional watching is fine but these are not Takis theyāre silent films you know I think we could get a much better shot from the stairway Kim you know she might be Right okay okay weāll do the old stairway shot maybe up just a little higher okay all right yeah a big smile thatās are you all right yeah yeah Iām fine hey youāre pretty lucky I donāt even think you broke your camera we better get you to a doctor you
May want to take an x-ray of that foot yeah and Kim can tell him where to stand when he takes it What are you doing in here I uh take it youāre not pleased to see me who let you in I told a Stuart I was your father stepfather we have to talk donāt touch me okay okay now calm down now look coming on this Cruise wasnāt my idea but Iām
Here now for your motherās sake and you try to act a little friendly toward me like you acted friendly toward me last year Iām an affectionate man you you just misunderstood no I understood perfectly and so will my mother when I tell her about it whatās there to tell
You went looking for it youāre disgusting I should have told her the minute it happened but you didnāt and if you tell her now Iāll deny it Iāll swear that her sex poot little daughter came on to me and I had to fight her off get out of here
Okay but remember before you start playing any truth games your mother loves me and you wouldnāt want to make her unhappy no would you I really appreciate you guys stopping by to see me but I am fine honest I told them we could save the leg but they wanted to see for themselves Iām glad it was only a sprain me too Ace Iām sorry itās all my fault you got that
Right itās okay listen Iāll be up and dancing in no time I know youāre dedicated Ace but if you need more time take it Captain Captainās orders donāt get up surprise just a little dinner for the ace who is shot down good the patient can use some nourishment and I got a
Feeling this is his favorite dish itās time for us to go thank you I canāt stay long Iāll be back later so we can spend the whole evening together Iām going to do everything I can to make you feel better like having your own personal Nurse Thatās What I Call one heck of a hospitalization plan good evening ladies and gentlemen itās Japanese night in the coral dining room Sushi Sashimi tempura Saki and donāt worry if we donāt have your favorite weāll send out for it Now let me see if Iāve got this straight after you paid off the damages that you caused on your job at the Crystal shop and selling vacuum cleaners didnāt work out you sold used cars for 2 weeks right my boss was a neat guy when he fired me
He gave me a great Buy in a 60 Chevy still love that car I think of it every morning when Iām running for the bus well and then well then this I figured that the qualities that made me a bad used car salesman honesty Integrity straightforwardness would make me a great
Courier Iāve got my fingers crossed for you Arnold thanks I really want this job I think itās right for me Iām trustworthy Iām reliable and I have risk that just donāt come off letās post her new career well dear we need some more saki well we certainly do uh wait uh
Waiter we could use another bottle of Saki but this time make it red you know itās too bad about Aceās ankle howā it happen just the way you might expect he fell for a girl oh well whoās going to fill in for him sir while heās laid up well I donāt
Know if thatāll be necessary you should only take a short time sir I could cover for Ace I mean itās the least I could do for him and we worked together my first day on the ship remember sure do we almost had a lawsuit a little nervous besides those
Passengers look like they were happily married they were happily married Kim to other people Captain I know I can do this pleas sir I owe it to Ace okay Kim youāre acting photographer oh thank you oh I just love a captain that can make a snap decision have you noticed the other
Passenger staring at me you must be imagining things no no itās true theyāre wondering how I wound up with the two most beautiful women on this ship well thatās pretty obvious itās your sheer animal magnitude maybe I should uh try to control it a little yes I tell you
Something else I think anyone uh would find it tough to figure out which one of you two is the mother I think the Sal hair is getting to them oh no I agree with Frank mom you and I could pass for sisters well if thatās true thereās a good reason
My husband keeps me young a thank You Kim are you sure you know what youāre doing he has lots of Photography books in this dark room oh thatās a good start yes and tomorrow I might get to read one excuse me Kim I borrow this for just a second I think I have a date with
Destiny wait a minute gopher you know less about photography than she does I need to know anything about photography as a says itās all in the approach all right watch oh wow this light here is just right and this composition here is perfect and I would really love to
Immortalize you on film okay well I I I donāt know well no listen please donāt be shy all right I know what Iām doing all right oh oh wow your legs are great listen do you think that you could maybe just inch your dress up a little bit so
I could take a picture of those great legs you know little chees skape thank you very much thank you really my husband doesnāt like cheesecake okay uh well then Iāll just Iāll go see the chef and see if I can get you piece of blueberry P Nautilus good
Now which one of you two lovely ladies is going to dance with me oh I donāt feel like it right now Frank maybe Sandy Iām tired howās the family reunion oh just fine Judy can you imagine a good-look guy like me canāt find a dance partner unless youāre interested is he that bad
A dancer why donāt you find out for yourself can you believe this my own wife throwing me at other women donāt talk about me while Iām gone I am the luckiest woman in the world are you and Frank really that happy I was talking about you itās so good to have my daughter
Back again it feels good to me too Mom you know if I were a little younger maybe uh 2 weeks younger I could really go for you you flatter me sir you think Iām kidding donāt you well I hope so I had the impression you were a faithful husband oh I am that and a lot more Iād
Like to tell you all about it but in a more private place how about meeting me later H how about no now will you excuse me please Letās see here little music come in hi hi how you feeling oh much better now that my night nurse is here what do you prescribe I thought a massage might do for start M I canāt wait for the finishers oh oh oh I just love to rub silk I just
Love to have my silk Rubbed AC boy hi Ace hi Ace doctorās orders weāre here to keep our injured buddy company look at this guy he put on his silk pajamas just for us oh wow look at Ace we got books games candy flowers all this for you but Iām afraid we canāt stay very long oh hey
Itās a thought that counts I mean even if you guys could stay only 1 minute even 30 seconds Iād appreciate oh we can stay longer than that yeah weāre going to take turns so one of us will all we be here yeah uh where do you want us to
Put the chess game on the bed I wonāt be using it for anything else good idea good Idea arold where did you learn to kiss like that well I had this job never mind I donāt think I want to know I wish falling for this Dame Hook Line and Sinker and those sinkers hurt your briefcase sorry arold I donāt know if you feel the
Same way but I really think we have a lot in common yeah the difference in our Heights weāre both not redheads look letās go down to my cabin I can slip into something a little more comfortable while you slip out of that briefcase you mean thatās right Arnold
We need some rules here now if weāre going to continue this and Iād really love to Arnold youāre going to have to check your baggage you know I wonāt do that Ellen then guess what else you wonāt be doing you let this come between us when hasnāt it but itās not just my
Job itās my Integrity well I hope your integrity keeps you warm tonight you ruining my life I throw you overboard WN for one thing I canāt swim thank you for meeting me Mom I really needed to talk to you a itās good to be needed again whatās on your mind well I
Really donāt know where to start tell well there you are you two Iām getting lonely is this uh on a girl talk or can a man listen in Frank would you mind if I spend a few more minutes alone with Sandy I donāt mind as soon as we get ready
This I almost forgot sweetheart we wanted to give you this so that you would know how happy we are to be with you again oh mother itās beautiful thank you so much itās beautiful really the watch is also from Frank yeah I deserve a kiss too H come on Sandy Iām going to my cabin now good night brother good night something is really bothering her Iāve got to find out what it Is for you early risers there is a cotton breakfast on the Leo deck for you late sleepers a breakfast buffet will be served on the Starlight Deck you know I have the feeling that Iām eating alone oh Iām sorry I think you should stop worrying about Sandy and let her solve her own problems without any help from Mama itās just not like her you two havenāt had words have you no why I just
Keep thinking about her attitude toward you itās normal to be a little resentful of a new stepfather but she has such animosity such hostility I know I donāt understand it either Iāve always tried to be nice to her Jud hi Irene Frank hi I must say you look as
Pretty in the morning as you do at night I guess thatās something that just goes with naturally beautiful women huh have you seen Sandy this morning well yes we had exercise class together maybe she went back to bed I hope sheās all right
Oh Iām sure she is but if I do see her Iāll tell her youāre looking for her thanks bye-bye what what a lovely girl yeah I like that Type I uh I brought this on the off chance youād accept it well um I wrote a speech on the off chance youād listen to it Iām really sorry I guess I just brought down the curtain a little early last night well thereās still time to catch a
MAA and perhaps a few curtain calls in fact why donāt you take me all the way to South America what well we could run away with whatās ever in that briefcase I mean there could be a million dollars in there a taxfree million just think
Brazil a man a woman son s and blood hounds and wanted posters I suppose well we could still spend the day together in manzia Iād love to but we have to be back by 9 tonight a gentleman is coming by to pick up the briefcase okay well what time is it now
Itās uh Iām no dummy I move the watch to the other hand itās 9:30 well great that gives us about 12 hours to spend together come on letās make the most of it okay ladies and gentlemen welcome to Sunny Mano with Mexicoās delightful surprises from its endless unsired
Beaches to its modern hotels with white domes minettes and archways that call back centuries of moish architectural tradition youāll find every moment filling and exciting enjoy it all at the buzzer three two one no wonder I was a Swimmer itās open hello a oh hi Captain go how the old pedal extremity ah itās coming along why well Kim has replaced you temporarily and Iām afraid her work leaves a bit to be desired Kim is doing my job Captain I I think I can go back
To work no Ace not youāre completely healed or maybe sooner take care Ace weāll see you again okay cap see you go hello hi hi hi Lisa listen weāll talk later a Iām going into town to buy something very special to her for when I come visit my patient tonight oh See you later see you Later I should go back to work but first there is tonight Sandy hi Judy are you okay yeah fine no Iām not fine I wish I wasnāt an only child I could really use a big sister right now well Iām up for adoption itās my stepfather you donāt like him much do you I hate him I despise him those are strong emotions
Well last summer just before I left home he no never mind you talk to your big sister remember well late one night he came into my bedroom and he tried you poor kid so when am I going to see what you bought in manzan later oh unless you think I
Should change into it right here oh hi uh take a look at these and tell me what you think Ace well looks like you were experimenting with light and shadows but youāre supposed to be taking pictures of people Kim I did look hereās somebody yeah yeah thatās a uh thatās a definite human
Being uh who is that gopher a close itās Judy well theyāre both crew members yeah maybe you can look at a few more of these for me and give me some suggestions a few I think Iāll go back to my cabin and change oh what about this one
Judy hi how you doing why you come over and join me Iām gazing at the Moon Iāve already seen it thank you you know I have the very distinct feeling that youāre trying to avoid me if I were you I would trust that feeling Iām glad we
Had this time to spend together mom Frank wanted to try his luck at the casino oh no what is it come on weāre grown-ups we donāt have to play games Mr Patton I am an officer of this ship and if there is one more incident I will request the captain prefer charges
Against you now do you understand Mom I never meant for you to find out this way so thatās what you were trying to warn me About weāve locked the door and weāre all alone thereās nobody under the bed so itās um safe to take it Off well I suppose I could take it off for 2 or 3 minutes or maybe four minutes a year they could shove food under our door what am I saying I canāt but on the other hand nobody likes a fanatic my Integrity how could I face myself wouldnāt you rather face Me Iām sorry you did that Arnold well what do you mean youāre sorry Iām an inspector for the courier company they sent me to see if you could be trusted and the Mexican client Senor Juan Miguel deim Orga Sanchez de Cas thei he doesnāt exist and thereās nothing in that
Briefcase the only thing you were protecting Arnold was your job took me a whole day to memorize that name well I hope thereās a pro Motion in this for you harnold please no no no you deserve it itās not often you see a woman whoās willing to to sacrifice so
Much for her work Iām Sorry of all the cruise ships and all the world she had to walk in a mine shut up Hi you have fun tonight I missed you I didnāt do too great at the casino whatās wrong what happened how could you do a thing like that Sandy and I hold it hold it wait wait just a second whatever she told you is lie Sandy is telling you lies I never laid a
Hand on your daughter what all right Iāll tell you I Iāll tell you exactly what happened last summer your so-called innocent daughter came on to me you you think I wanted to touch a kid I I tried to fight her off but stop just stop it wasnāt my fault Irene you
You were out playing cards I had a couple of drinks I went to bed she came into my bedroom with hardly any clothes on and all and and threw herself at me youāre lying Iām not I know youāre lying besides Sandy never mentioned anything about
That what I was about to tell you that I saw you trying to force yourself on Judy by the way the casino is closed in Port and since weāre still in Port you youāll have time to pack your things and get off the ship I never want to see you Again I donāt want a shot doc I hate shots really Iām feeling much better let me just get up and walk and Iāll show you no Ace no donāt try to be a hero come on Ace a big boy like you afraid of a little shot I gave you a sedative so
You could get some sleep and this is just an intramuscular anesthetic for pain havenāt you forgotten something Adam huh you didnāt give the man his lollipop weāre just lifting anchor ladies and gentlemen weāve arranged to have all the bumps cleared in the ocean so youāll have smooth sailing all the
Way back back to Los Angeles thereās plenty of ball me night left enjoy It I came to give you the briefcase back and to give you an apology well I was working on the wording of an apology myself my wording is easy Iām an idiot I shouldnāt have yelled at you at least you were doing your job yeah Hatchet job you donāt know how miserable Iāve
Been doing the companyās Dirty Work you were so loyal I wanted to kick you and on top of that they lied to you what they told you this case was empty I found these two suspicious looking objects I thought youād like to examine them well you were right to bring this to my
Attention as a future ex employee I believe I am entitled to clean out my desk well what shall we drink to to the briefcase and the Burial at Sea what a great Idea you know when I was pretending to be crazy about you yeah well Iām not crazy and I wasnāt pretending and thatās all she wrote so now we can put the whole shebang to bed letās go shebang I mean Ellen how could I have picked a man like that
What happened to you was all my fault oh no mother the only person to blame is Frank I just donāt know how I could have misjudged him well he happened along when you were at a very vulnerable time in your life you know there is a bright side
What bright side well now thereās no reason for me not to come home to live oh sweetheart oh that is a bright side I missed you oh I missed You On time come in come in whoever you are itās locked Iāll be right There Hurry Up This is no time to keep a lady waiting Iām coming donāt Leave hi there on it a you poor baby youāve had a relapse no Iām fine Iām fine look look see Iām in perfect Shape that makes two of us let me just uh hang this this up oh I canāt believe how relaxed I Am I Thank you for your support well thatās what adopted sisters are for and I hope you have nothing but happiness the rest of your life thanks Judy Iām sure thatās all there will be come on sweetheart bye goodbye bye the name is delin Ellen Dev well give us a week oh well
Congratulations off to look for another job well Iāve got one Arnold completed his assignment so well Iām recommending the company kick him upstairs to a supervisory position and the new job is going to be a little tough on Ellen how so well you thought the briefcase was
Inconvenient wait till Iām chained to a desk byebye goodbye Lisa youāre the best nurse Iāve ever had well Iām glad we finally found the right medicine if you could bottle that youād win the Nobel Prize Huh oh this is perfect stay still whatās wrong with this thing Kim uh want to try the focus turn that little knob right there yeah sometimes itās the automatic timer are you sure you have film in it well maybe you need a new battery no what it needs is the old
Photographer but heās Busy Wait ah welcome aboard gentlemen would you tell him that he brought too much luggage how many times you going to say that once more you brought too much luggage will you just worry about your little bag of wash and wears uh do you need directions to your cabin if you
Could learn to coordinate your wardrobe you wouldnāt need all that luggage we listen to him a 100 years in the clothing business and he tells me I donāt know how to dress this is L tangle and his partner Stan Garmin better known as Mr drip dry well we always have a good
Acquainted cocktail party the first night if you havenāt met anyone by then oh well I hope I donāt have to come thank you oh oh Iām sorry Iām so sorry hello hello I just take the elevator one Deck Down enjoy the cruise thank you I think Iām
Beginning to enjoy it already well stop enjoying and just remember what youāre here for yeah he still have not decided which one isnāt coming back thank you Miss Kar hello Iām Jennifer Kar K oh sure this is Jennifer Kern any red blooded TV Watcher oh your arent admirer is pers Smith and Iām captain stubing welcome aboard Miss K oh please on this trip by Mrs whitlaw um has my husband arrived uh quit quit Lo not arrived no I was
Watching the show Wednesday okay itās great but I was kind of wondering if if I survived the fiery train right fiery Train well itās supposed to be a secret but oh there he is Tom Tom over here Jennifer Su delicious Captain stubing uh firster Smith this is my husband Tom whitla oh Iām delighted to see you in person how do you do you know your um your program is one of my favorite discussion shows does fascinating guests thank you we try to stimulate hold it got to get a
Picture of Americaās favorite B Coastal Couple come on big smiles great thank you so I guess itās uh tough living 3,000 Mi apart well believe me it isnāt easy but with me in New York and Jennifer and Hollywood we havenāt been together for more than a day at a time
On our six months of marriage well now we can change all that for you yes a whole crise to be alone together like a a normal married couple enjoy the cruise Iāll talk to the major D and see what I can do enjoy your cruise have a good time Bye-bye may I help you Iām sorry I I didnāt mean to stare itās just that youāre such a lovely young lady thank you I hope I didnāt embarrass you well Iām sure you can embarrass her like that anytime uh my name is Mark Silverton welcome aboard Iām Judy McCoy
Vicky St nice to meet you thatās a prominade deck cabin 342 thank you thank You Earth to Vicki Earth to Vicky I Want a little exercise well that depends what did you have in mind a race back to the cabin no jogging H never miss a day jogging but thatās what you want you got it okay twice around the deck back to the cabin okay thatās what makes a good marriage
Compromise I donāt believe it you brought towels I mean people on vacation donāt bring towels they take them I like my own towels I know who used them last oh youāre worried about a few germs are you while back home the Schultz brothers are waiting to rearrange our faces how
Did I ever let you talk me into borrowing from lone sharks how else were we going to meet the payroll every Bank in the city turned us down well maybe youāre right a clothing business one little mistake and youāre down the drain I would say one big
Mistake oh we only missed it by year oh you missed by one year maybe we could AR raise hold it we have been over this until I am blue in the face now listen I know those lone sharks and you and I are going to be wearing cement shoes if we
Donāt pay them and the only way that we can pay them is for one of us to die pretend to die okay okay to pretend to die and then go live in South America want somebody to hear us weāll get arrested hey guys Los Angeles Olympics
1985 thatās very funny oh yes well you wouldnāt think it was so funny if you had a whole Warehouse full of them listen let me get a picture okay you can come out now why hide such pretty faces huh will you just relax everythingās going to be fine how can everything be
Fine nothing is going to be fine it canāt be fine if one of us has to pretend to die and go off to South America nothing is going to be fine and what makes you think the insurance company is going to pay off so fast they
Have no choice if you are lost at sea all right weāre going to have to just draw straws oh the Short Straw Dies Come on come on come on think about the bright side other people who die do not hang around to spend their own insurance I hope your nose blisters hi Mr Silverton Becky I just came by to see how you were enjoying the cruise fine just fine thank you good hereās one
Thing though Iād have an even better time if youād call me Mark okay Mark actually I lied your nameās not Mark I met about enjoying myself oh youāre not having a good time itās no oneās fault you see Iāve sort of been in seclusion for a while and my friend
Suggested I should try to be around people more so here I am but Iām just a little rusty when it comes to having a good time listen do you like shuffle board I never tried it well itās about time you learn and donāt worry Iāll go easy on
You okay youāve got yourself a game and loser buys dinner dinner on the cruise is free I know that makes it easy to be a good Loser come on Vicki oh hi Judy oh listen if my father comes looking for me tell him Iām playing shuffleboard with Mark
Oh so itās Mark now huh Uh-huh hello this he taken I hope so oh thank you thank you uh Iām L tangle I saw you at the boarding hello Harriet Walters and I remember well are you uh traveling alone oh Iām with my partner Iām in menās clothing ah I certainly hope so otherwise Iād be very
Embarrassed thatās great funny well thank you for saving me a seat Mr tangle this is my partner St Garin and as you can tell by his voice he is a very pleasant personality hello hello would you excuse us my partner and I have a
Date to playge G I donāt want to play G yes you do I do not want to play yes you do itās all right I really do have a few cards Iād like to get off well maybe maybe we can have a drink later oh Iād
Like that very much why donāt you give me a buzz uh Fiesta cabin 327 Cheers Cheers are you crazy the last thing we need right now is for some hot to trot lady to start singing torch songs to the insurance investigator youāre dying tomorrow remember I have forgot well
Iāll keep reminding you sheās very nice fine Iāll make sure that she gets a copy of your obituary Shut Up and Deal Iām sorry honey I should never have made you come jogging donāt you ever run only to catch a cab trouble with all this fresh air is it makes you tired
She put something in it well I have just the thing to perk you up Taada never seen you wear glasses before well I just started H just to put on makeup and stuff you actually read all those books you discuss on your show every single one makes me wish I interviewed more cartoonists Iāll finish it later oh no finish it now
We have all the time that we want besides seeing you like this really makes me feel like a wife and Iāll just make myself all comfy while my big strong husband finishes all the work that he brought home from the Office Tada I guess Iāll just hold this pose until you wake Up oh good dad I found you listen do you think itād be all right if I had dinner with a friend tonight and before you ask his name is Mark why donāt you have him join us at my table thanks but Dad I know oh I know at
Your age I wouldnāt want my father tagging along on a date either oh thank you I knew youād understand bye bye seems that Vicki has met a nice young man someone named Mark oh Mark you met him yes and heās very nice and mature ladies and gentlemen a truly spectacular
Dinner await you in the coral dining room Bon [Applause] Petit so what would you like for your last meal uh-uh you better wave back before she comes over here I invited her to dinner you what that just calm down youāll like her sheās a lot of fun I
Didnāt come here for fun I came here for your funeral isnāt your friend going to join us for dinner he prefers to die alone he is very strange eating habits now shall we be u a little naughty and start off with some champagne oh the naughtier the better this is the first leisurely
Dinner weāve had in a long time could have been much more leisurely if weā had it in the cabin I sir youāre making me blush great shot weāll need two copies you got it you know I just talked to somebody I think might make a terrific guess on
Your show Iām on vacation Ace oh Iām sorry I understand but it might be somebody important who is it Dr zabor that is someone important where right up there well donāt stare go over and introduce yourself I can do it later honey itās okay no I really shouldnāt our time
Together is much more important but if you insist excuse me excuse me sure Dr zor oh itās a lady doctor a sex therapist well I hope he doesnāt fall asleep while heās talking to Her why are you looking at me like that Iām sorry itās just that you remind me of someone well is it is that good or bad good very good oh well Iām glad Vicki supposed to be having dinner with some young man tonight has anyone seen Them oh there she is he canāt be her date that man is twice her age oh I donāt think he is Sir no probably more [Applause] Iāll say one one thing Mr Garmin you donāt miss a dance watched everyone Mr Garmin why donāt you give it a try yeah partner seems to be having the time of his life yeah whatās left of it she is some terrific dancer she is wearing me out you were worn out years
Ago oh stop it I think heās cute and sheās got good taste too excuse me I think I better go powder my nose she could be gone for hours I just stop cut out I really like her okay Iām sorry but just you remember those lone sharks youāll have a hard time dancing
Without kneecaps all right all right partner Iām going through with it but if this is my last night as Li tangle I am going out in Style do all your interviews take as long as the one with Dr zabor Jennifer then again sex is a fascinating subject I said I was sorry he Sayes talking about sex isnāt as much fun well I wouldnāt know so far on this cruise we havenāt even talked about it want to go
Back to the cabin and talk about it see where it leads as long as you donāt fall asleep like you did this afternoon that was your fault for running me ragged around the ship remember Iām not in training for the boss marath and Iām not
The one who left his wife at the table so he could go talk to a sexy therapist that sex therapist and you wanted me to talk to her look I think we should stop parking Okay all right why donāt we hurry up and go back to the cabin okay but no jogging okay Mark Silverton Iād like you to meet my my father Captain stubing this is Dr Bricker and you know Judy and honor Captain Mr silon Dr Bricker how to
Do Judy hello Captain you have a lovely daughter thank you Vicki uh may I speak to you for a second please sure excuse us whatās up honey I thought you were going to be seeing a young man named Mark Dad I didnāt say he was young young I just said his name is
Mark is everything okay yeah I guess it is good see you later come on Mark nice to meet you bye Pleasure uh Marl would you like me to cut in no IAM thank you would you like me to have a little talk with you sir I donāt think a little talk will do It how about a big Talk Oh itās been a wonderful night Lou I canāt believe itās happening to me I feel like somebody sent me a live Valentine and why not you youāre a terrific guy funny I never thought of myself as being a terrific guy well maybe I am but before you I never had
Anybody be a terrific guy for thatās sweet Lou a sweet thought for me to sleep on well I guess Iād better turn in does it have to end now no thereās tomorrow and tomorrow night and lots of tomorrows after that oh you canāt tell oh come on now no pouting You really know how to put the good in good night Iāll see you at breakfast To qu a very sexy lady Tada come here you that was as good as the kiss in Chicago two weeks ago yeah and you remember what happened in Chicago two weeks ago uh-huh it last you alone no interrup ruptions no work some work your producer called Jed what did he want
Well he needed to know whether or not he could book Senator bla on your show and I said yes you said what I said it was okay I was just trying to help I mean he is a senator heās a boore heās been on every talk show in the
Country why was you asking you well he needed an immediate answer and you werenāt here and I happened to be your wife remember and that gives you the right to make my show a Haven for political hacks right well I didnāt know how you felt about
Him in fact Iām beginning to think that I donāt know how you feel about anything yeah well nor I you now look do me a favor just please stay out of my business okay I will and you can do me a favor stay out of my bed
Itās been so long since I felt this close to anyone Iām glad you feel that way you know you have a wonderful smile well youāre responsible for that Iāve been through the worst year of my life I was ready to give up completely now Iām here with you the night is
Beautiful the whole world seems a lot better thank you well Iām glad I could be here when you needed someone Mark Iāve never met a man like you Before good night Vicki good Night hi Vicky hi do you have a minute to talk a minute I could talk all night about Mark he does seem nice but you think maybe heās just a little too mature for you well thatās what I like about him heās so mature heās sophisticated I know he makes you feel
Sophis iated too right makes you feel like a grownup itās more than that he makes me feel like a woman I think Iām in love with Him Lou it is just a shipboard romance you donāt know what youāre talking about oh no well when this cruise is over and you are back on solid land neither one of you is going to remember the other oneās name Iām not listening to this and when
Those lone shars finish break dancing on your head youāre not even going to remember your own name forget we donāt have a problem anymore last night I came up with a solution what is it you drop dead and go to South America oh my partner the welcher I have
Always put the business first but not this time this morning I sent my lover a rose what but Lou I am going into the shower now Stan and when I come out Iām going to have breakfast with Harriet and Iām going to ask her to marry me
Happiness this is truly take your shower happiness Iām not going down the drain with You Iām really happy Maj happy very very happy so very very happy good morning ladies and gentlemen breakfast is now being served on the Starlight deck and she thinks sheās in love with him she is in love with him according to her feelings well Iām afraid sheās overly impressed with the attentions of
An older man well if the captain finds out itās this involved old Mark isnāt going to get any old I just hope Mark realizes itās an advanced case of puppy love I was planning to give this to you later but I think Iād like you to have
It now what is it something that means a great deal to me oh Mark itās beautiful oh itās so sweet and old fashioned looking just like you are sweet oldfashioned and Innocent thank you oh we Hur forever well if thatās puppy love our puppy has just become full Grown Iām sorry I messed things up last night not as much as I did well I guess weāre learning about each other yeah the hard way well thereās one thing I do know about you you take cream in your coffee no no no I donāt well you did two
Weeks ago when I saw you I gave up coffee last week you know itās tough to keep track of this marriage without a scorecard well Iām sure thereās one thing you need the cabin H excuse me Mrs whitlaw everybodyās ready ready for what oh Tom I promised Ace that Iād go post for
Pictures with some of my fans itāll just take a few minutes oh Iām afraid not uh just about everybody on the ship is dying to meet you H okay Iāll be right there couldnāt you do that a little later I have to be gracious I donāt want
To disappoint my fans bad you donāt mind disappointing your Husband hello haret good morning good morning uh arenāt you eating Iām waiting for Lou Lou oh he never eats breakfast Le not when he stumbles in at 4: in the morning how do you do it and stay so lovely 4 why we said good night around 11 well then who could L
With whoops St what are you not saying look I admire that little devil I really do as a matter of fact I view some of his lines myself oh yeah I meet a woman I say uh I canāt believe that this is happening to me itās like someone sent me a live
Valentine well he said that to me but you didnāt fall for it you would be amazed how many women do oh really oh yes it works all the time and some of his moves are really CNY like that single rose bit well I think Iāve heard
Enough you can tell Lou that I have suddenly become allergic to Roses we are now entering enchanting aabo whatever your pleasure youāll find it here beaches golf courses sight scene and glittery NightLight the info hi Miss K not going to KN no Tom went in alone ah ah anything wrong not anything just everything Tom and I donāt see each
Other for a week or two at a time he finds out that I wear glasses I learn that he atees jogging we donāt know anything about each other except the few hours that we spend together yeah but I bet you those hours that you spend together pretty wonderful
Right oh yeah like weāre dating you know the peak of romance well doesnāt sound like such a bad way to sail through life to me yeah but is it enough have you ever thought of moving to New York to be with him yes but the only thing I could do there
Is the stage but youād be terrific on Broadway oh Iād be terrified on Broadway facing a live audience if I make a mistake I canāt do it over again Iām not sure I could handle it yeah but your husband would be there to help you you guys would be together
Weāre not even together on this Cruise come in you wanted to see me Dad yes I understand youāve received a gift an expensive gift for Mr Silverton Mark yes Mark news travels fast isnāt it beautiful itās very pretty but why would he give a gift like that to you because he loves
Me did he tell you that well not exactly but I can tell okay I donāt want you to see him anymore heās much too old for you I canāt believe you said that you always taught me that things like age and physical appearance didnāt make a difference when you love someone get to
Know from the inside first and then decide thatās what you always taught me yes I know I taught you that but this is different I donāt want you to get hurt this is different because you still want to treat me like a child I know youāre
Not a child anymore Dad I am in love with him I thought youād be happy youāre not ready for a relationship like This look honey I know itās hard for you to see but I donāt understand why Mr Silverton hasnāt seen it itās Mark all right Mark but if you canāt see what Iām trying to tell you how Iām trying to help You perhaps I better have a discussion with Mark I am not a child Iāll discuss it with Mark Myself Harriet sweetheart where you been off by myself like I was at breakfast oh Iām sorry you know what happened I took a shower and then when I came out all the towels were gone and I couldnāt dry off I had a roll on the sheets I hear youāre very good at
That she isnāt very good there whoās been talking Hi Vicki great lemonade you want one no thanks something wrong itās my father he wants to see you he wants to talk to you well thatās fine I enjoy talking to him I should have done it earlier Iām sure we have a lot in common he doesnāt think
So he thinks itās wrong whatās wrong us that weāre falling in love falling in love where would he get such an idea but we are Iām in love with you and you said all those beautiful things to me and you gave me this pendant but I didnāt give you that
Because Iām in love with you I mean I I do love you not that way I was going to give it to my Daughter your your daughter for her 18th birthday she died in an accident the week before you remind me of her your sweetness your smile your innocence your gentleness for a long time I felt as though I died with her you helped bring me back to life I have been such a fool Vicki
Vicki Lou Lou man disappears all day and now heās writing me notes dear partner and friend goodbye and good luck Iāve lost the first true love in my life I wonāt boore you with all the ugly details but you had nothing to do with it all I can say is where Iām
Going they cut white goods year round no no what did I do and he was thinking of me right to the end oh Lou My Lou Did you tell him you werenāt going to see him anymore no Vicki I told you to tell him it was over why didnāt you I didnāt have to he told me there never was anything to be over honey what happened Daddy I made a fool of myself I told him I loved him and knew he loved me
And well he didnāt feel that way at all I reminded him of his daughter who was killed in an Accident poor man the worst part about it was I didnāt even tell him how sorry I felt to Bās daughter all I could think of was myself and had to get away from him once I found out he didnāt love me sweetheart you can go back and tell
Him that Daddy I canāt see him now I told you I made a fool of myself there are many ways we make fools of ourselves in this life but the most knowable Way by telling someone you love Him I love you and I love you I want so desperately for our marriage to work it will I called my agent today I told him to have me killed what in this yearās final episode Iām going to live with you in New York you canāt
I can I just caed Jed and told him weāre moving my show to Los Angeles but you always said your show would die in Los Angeles and you said you would never survive the Broadway stage well how do you like that weāre still on opposite coast and weāre each on the wrong One ladies and gentlemen we know youāve had a fabulous time in aapo and weāre sure youāll have an equally as enjoyable time on our trip back to Los Angeles until then bu Noes Mark Vicki Iāve been thinking about you about what a silly little girl I am no but how nice you are and how sorry I am that I hurt you you didnāt hurt me me I hurt myself I saw something I wanted up on the top shelf and when I reached up to
Grab it I realized that I wasnāt as tall as I thought I was and everything came tumbling down around us I should have sensed what was happening weāre talking about me again the reason I came is I want you to know how sorry I am about your daughter
I want you to know that thank you Vicky and to give you This Iād like you to keep it if you will I gave it to you because you remind me of her and the more I get to know you the more you remind me of her I only if you want it I do here he was a good partner loyal
Everyone everyone in the business liked him and I crushed his one chance for happiness thatās right you did Iām so selfish and pigheaded I should have agreed to go to South America myself itās not too late oh yes it is no it isnāt donāt argue with me I know Lou oh why you
Phony where have you been I looked all over for you I have been hiding in the lifebo watching you squirm how were the sandwiches they look terrific just the way I like them light on the ma so you were in on this uhhuh well I was looking out for
Your best interest from now on I am looking out for myself uh uh uh uh uh uh we are looking out for yourself congratulations just be sure to send me an invitation to the wedding general delivery somewhere in the Amazon Dan I mean I have a lot of time to think in
That Lifeboat and I just donāt want to go through life with an insurance fraud on my conscience and I donāt want to run the business business alone who would I argue with well thereās always me now weāve been through a lot together and weāll get through this youāll see how
Tell them well it just so happens that my brother-in-law owns a chain of T-shirt stores now I think that your Olympics 1985 t-shirt is absolutely Sensational no see weāre going to make a fortune with our mistake itās a great idea and the way you make mistakes we
Can make another fortune in the very near future [Applause] Right well I hope you enjoyed your cruise as much as we enjoyed having you oh we loved it not only that we found a new partner hey thatās great I always wanted a new partner but Iām still stuck with him anyway shut up byebye bye bye-bye weāre going to be watching TV
For both of you and we want you to come back and sale with us real soon okay well we plan on doing it every year on our anniversary all right hopefully together Hey Hey listen have the two of you ever thought of moving to Denver itās sort of in the
Middle Mr and Mrs whitler Iām sorry uh there was a problem in the lab and I was only able to come up with one print for the two of You no problem one for you and one for me see you later goodbye Vicki goodbye Mark Captain Iām only sorry we couldnāt spend more time together proud fathers have a common Bond yes we do as a matter of fact when Vicki asked me what I thought about the gift you gave her I
Told her that sheād probably never receive anything more meaningful thank you Vicky someday someone will come into your life and give you a wonderful gift himself and heāll be the luckiest man in the world because he has you bye-bye bye-bye Bye excuse me could you you tell us who to see about Kevin oh certainly uh right over here thank you first Smith would be very happy to assist you be my pleasure Mr Mills are you two traveling together yes oh Iām Robin Mills heās my dad oh he only looks young because heās
Found the Fountain of Youth he sure has you donāt look old enough to be her father well I adopted Robin when I was 10 itās not easy being brought up by your daughter oh Iāll be glad when I get you married and out of the house enjoy
Thank you I will oh miss pel uh prominade 347 is just pass flower shopping to your right prominade mhm um is that the single sck Iām traveling alone well I donāt think youāll be traveling alone for long I hope youāre right happy sailing put that on your Christmas list
And Iāll see what I can do for you beautiful okay Iāll deliver this to you personally miss m you know I donāt mind if you take a little longer with your shots I donāt blame you captain Oh Ace yeah hereās the passenger list you wanted oh great thanks Vicky
Now I can keep track of the passengers and the pictures okay letās see uh Maguire Maguire here it is Fiesta 222 boarding shot with Captain magnam no no I believe it was Maguire no not her mcnamer Stacy Louise Stacy an old friend friend we were like this in college actually we were
Uh go on no itās not important Stacy Louise mamare I still have her sorority pin you know I sent her more flowers study sweethearts yeah but I usually sent the flowers to the infirmary she was a real Daredevil you know surfing skydiving having water skiing she was
Always getting bruised and banged up you know our school colors were red and yellow hers were black and blue a Stacy hi hi see when I tell you regular Calamity Jan thanks very much Iām fine Iām captain stubing Miss mamara oh how do you
Do oh Ace itās so good to see you a so good to see you well Iāll leave you two alone to get reacquainted thanks Kevin thanks a lot all donāt believe it okay what did you do now well you remember that hole in the wall at the bottom of
Snow Canyon ski run thereās no hole in that wall well there is now I donāt believe it I know I know hi Iām uh Marty Clem and this is my wife Kate hi welcome aboard Iām jeny McCoy the cruise director Iām Adam Bricker ship do oh good we may need you
What for we both sworn to quit smoking yeah you tap our mouth shut Iām sorry I donāt make mouth calls well weāre not taking any chances weāve made a bet the first one who starts smoking has to do all the housework and the cooking for 6 months
Right this is my chance to get her to do it well best of luck to the both of you thanks well we better get to it Okay that wasnāt as bad as I thought it would Be aha uh thatās funny uh the jacket must have come back from the cleaners like that uh excuse me may I see whatās in your left hand just as I thought come in hi Dad bu hey nice cabin oh let me help you with that oh no donāt
Hang those up Iām going to wear those oh okay oh wow they go great with this sweater thank you I never could dress myself oh well maybe you ought to get that girl to give you a hand the one who gave you the eye and the purserās lobby
You thought so too uh-huh you know itās a shame Iām too old for her she didnāt seem to think so Iāve got a daughter almost her age she doesnāt know that hey what if father had no daughter a robin please no really Dad we could pretend not to be father and daughter
For a few days for Fatherās sake your pretend game sometimes get me into trouble well at least youāre never bored come on dad itāll be fun what about the Purser and the chief Barman they know who we are oh well leave that to me Iāll
Fix it why is it every time you fix something something else ends up broken all right Iāll do it oh great have a wonderful Cruise stranger [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] Hi Mr Kil fingers are better than cigarettes need salt itās hard to quit smoking isnāt it no Iām nervous Iām Iām irritable Iām Iām angry my mouth feels like a desert I donāt know what to do with my hands itās a breeze but you are doing it every
Minute without a cigarette helps how long has it been uh I gave him up when I bought it 10 years ago read this it might help quit smoking now yeah and the crew says to tell you they are behind you all the way 100% 100% you know I thought you were supposed to SA money when you stop smoking yeah at least a dollar a day big deal sple 1250 on gum whatās that uh doc gave it to me he a quick smoking pamphlet this is very interesting it says here that the first
24 hours are the hardest cuz youāre breaking up an addictive habit see we were addicts we should feel terrific now that weāve stopped yeah if we feel so terrific how come I feel so lousy speak for yourself honey I am having no problems at all uh need a
Light I bet you think Iām hooked donāt you you watch I wonāt have another celery all Day hi hi can I give you a hand oh no thanks my hand works just fine how do you do how do you do it sure does my name is Isaac Washington Stacy MC well Stacy would you like something cool to drink say like a rum punch well Iāll take the punch but
Hold the r Iām driving and this is a rental well I hope youāre not paying by the mile cuz weāre going all the way to Mexico oh hi Captain Stacy seems to be a delightful young lady yes and sheās got a great sense of humor why donāt you ask
Her to join us at my table tonight gopherās jokes are getting a little stale yes sir hey Stacy Isaac oh hi Ace have you got time to show me around the ship oh for you Iāll make time huh all right here we go yeah I can do that oh Iām just trying
To help oh hey donāt let the wheelchair fool you youād be amazed at some of the things I can Do oh look I guess I wasnāt paying attention well not to the pool anyway Iām sorry dpy Stuart Mills Alison pcel well hey you saved my life the Indians say if you save a manās life he owes you a drink so whatāll it be Margarita sounds good oh and get one for
Yourself in case you ever saved my life hi hi Vicki how am I doing well I knew you wouldnāt be alone for long do you give lessons have fun bye two margaritas please ah coming right up hey Dad howās it going Pardon Me Miss oh itās okay you can drop the
ACT I told Isaac and go for what weāre up to Momās the world right on well her name is Allison and I think Iām doing okay well why donāt you go back to Allison and Iāll deliver the drinks over there well thank you bye looks like your friendās doing just
Fine of course he is taught him everything he knows yeah uh who is it yeah who Is attention please main seating dinner is now being served in the coral dining oh just pile on high we got plenty of room here come on in hi is all of this part of the no smoking campaign or did you also start a new nutrition program according to this pamphlet
Smoking is a form of oral gratification just like eating so we figure the more we eat the less weāll feel the urge to smoke well this should take care of your urge for the rest of this Century at least yeah with all this wonderful food here we havenāt even thought about
Smoking oh thatās terrific he we got smoked trout smoked oyers we got smoked turkey smoked ham and a little bit of smoked cheese turn out the tee and how about this for dinner tonight a small intimate table for two followed by Pearls of caviar followed by lots of
Love talk fine now what are you going to have I want to see my father first will you excuse me okay start the Love talk at you you look very handsome tonight go thank you my darling you have excellent taste would you like to sit down down no
Iāll all right baby Iāll sit down myself whereās your friend Alison sheāll be here any minute whereās goer at the table waiting for me good here comes aliceon consider me scrammed whoās that girl I saw you talking with uh she was just someone looking for a
Table well didnāt I see you talking with her earlier by the pool oh no no that was the purer she was just with him as a matter of fact youāre having dinner right now hey you look beautiful thank you and you must be older than you look
Most men donāt bother pulling out chairs for women anymore well um Iām not most men or hadnāt you noticed I have noticed Iām grateful thereās something very genuine about you oh thank you I think most people try to be not in my experience youād be surprised how many men canāt be trusted to
Honesty to honest and uh good intentions and on her very first Skydive Stacy landed right in the middle of the target Circle uhhuh unfortunately there was another jumper there and we both ended up with a concussion listen you have a live until you Tred to freef fall itās
Great itās a good name for it freef fall you couldnāt pay me to do it said this St sheāll try anything she even surfs oh now that is something I would love to learn well I will explain to you my secret technique including how to dislocate your shoulder oh too bad they
Donāt award purple hearts to civilians yeah you ought to see her ski sheās a real hot doger somersaults back flips thatās how she ended up in this hit the wall at snow Snow Canyon oh well aside from the accident Snow Canyon must have been great this season well I wouldnāt know about that
This happened 4 years Ago Oh canāt we stop dancing my feet to killing me but the pamphlet says that physical activity like dancing will help us forget forget what smoking see I already forgot letās sit down here you know I didnāt know you like cooking and housework so much much huh well if you
Sit down youāre going to want cocktail ni cigarette and then Iām going to win the bet uh pardon me Madame would you care to Suare but of Course I canāt get used to seeing her in that wheelchair old friends arenāt supposed to change theyāre supposed to stay the same as they are in our memories how do I talk to her what do I say say how happy you are to be with her
That is if you are sounds like a good start to me I hope Iām not dancing too oldfashioned for you no I like oldfashioned dancing that way you can hold the other person close I hope it never goes out of style you think itās too soon for me to feel uh so attracted to you actually I think youāre kind of slow I was
Attracted the first moment I saw You what are your plans later mhm the shipās on fire uh-huh going to jump over the rail and and go skinny dipping mhm what Iām sorry I guess I wasnāt paying much attention this is the first time Iāve seen my father in action well later
Will be the first time you get to see your purer in Action Stacy you all right seeing all those people dancing think I missed that most of all hard to believe you were such a lousy dancer thanks a lot I was about to indulge in a little self-pity oh we canāt have any of that thanks for the Roses youāre
Welcome you know I thought about you a lot after college I almost called you several times I wish you had thought youād be married by now well I almost was I um broke off my engagement a couple of months ago oh did uh oh please no questions Stacy close your
Eyes why Just Close Your Eyes please okay I get scared in my own dark room so tell me when I can open them all right okay just a minute now hurry up all right now donāt peek Iām not quite ready youāre still crazy okay ready well howād I look you
Look you look like my Stacy that was the [Laughter] Plan Feel like weāre the last couple in a dance Marathon canāt we stop dancing both my legs have cramps in them from smoking too much itās from dancing too much oh cramps are good for you pain is good for you I mean in 6 months from now without smoking think how healthy youāll
Be yeah if I live through the dancing what are you doing Iām inhaling the bandās playing Smoke Gets In Your Eyes no no no Mr Kilmer I donāt want to dance the band is leaving what a shame we have to stop dancing thanks from the bottom of my heart come on where we going to the cabin I just thought of another physical activity we can do something thatāll get you off your Feet is the coast clear it is right now but Iām expecting Alison any minute oh great then fill me in quick Iāve got to get back to go for two well thereās not much to tell but if that Moon stays right where it is I
Think Iāll have a full report for you in the morning thatās my pop you think I look a little uh younger in the Moonlight no just a little handsomer look you better scoot I think Allisonās getting suspicious of us bumping into each other all the time all right
Okay youāre still my favorite man I love You Get come here Gorgeous I thought you would be tired after all that dancing no I just needed something to keep my lips busy the pamphlet was right everything does taste better stop we canāt why not well you know what happens when we start kissing I was kind of counting on that well you
Know what happens after that yeah I fall asleep yeah well I stay awake and have a cigarette and Iāll go crazy if I canāt thatās ridiculous do you mean to tell me youāre going to avoid sex for the rest of our lives well at least weāll live longer what For There you Go well here we are all safe and sound you know what I was thinking no what were you thinking do you remember that night that you sneaked into my dorm room do I remember yeah I was scared out of my wits that the house mother was
Going to catch me ah but she didnāt but I did yeah well uh there you go night Stacy wait a minute where are you going I mean thereās not a house mother in sight arenāt you going to help me get undressed oh Iām Iām sorry I didnāt know you needed
Help who said anything about need need uh I canāt you see Iāve got to develop some film that has to be ready first thing in the morning H there you go Stacy itās not that I donāt itās okay I understand thanks for a lovely evening Yeah hi what happened to you last night I waited but you didnāt come back oh I came back but you were busy I didnāt want to break up anything well look Allison I can explain that Iām sure you can but Iām not interested but the girl I was with Robin thatās my
Daughter your daughter Iād expect you to come up with a more creative line than that one morning do I detect a Loverās spat to start the day well my day may be ending before it starts Allison saw me last night with Robin now she doesnāt believe Robinās my
Daughter why is it the women always have trouble believing the truth H well maybe we men donāt tell it enough I Donāt thanks Adam sure hey ace good morning a hi Ace morning whereās Stacy she probably ate already oh no she didnāt Iāve been here all morning Isaac may I have a cup of coffee please you go sorry Iām sorry Iām sorry a you and Stacy Stacy and I whatās the matter with everybody
Why are we the hot new couple all of a sudden Ace weāre your friends remember sorry Do you believe those two they cannot stop eating thatās because theyāre trying so hard to give up smoking but no matter how difficult it is the smartest thing theyāll ever do I was even smarter I gave it up before I Started do you realize we spent our entire highest savings on this cruise and what for all we do every day is sit around not smoking itās ruining everything even our sex slice I need some coffee ooh that sounds sexy go ahead have some coffee then you
Want a cigarette to go with it you know itās going to be such fun having you wait on me hand and foot for 6 months okay forget it great Cruise great cruise I give up everything smoking coffee sex well one of them was never a habit with you
Anyway yeah dad let me get this straight you told her the truth that I your daughter she didnāt believe you not for a minute all these games weāve been playing I canāt say that I blame her she have such an honest face yeah face with
Egg all over it sorry Dad I got you into this mess somehow Iāll straighten it out I think youāve done enough straightening out for one trip yeah but Dad what I said enough besides it doesnāt make any difference Iām too old for her Anyway good morning Ace morning my weāre in a dark mood this morning oh I hate unfinished sentences come on youāre amazing I mean you are really amazing I acted like a jackass last night I walked out on you here you are acting like nothing ever happened would you feel better if I
Yelled at you maybe I would at least Iād know how you feel Stacy Iām so sorry Ace itās okay forget it no you see it itās not that Ace I understand you just canāt handle it Iām sorry but what you see is what you get so you see Stuart and Robin didnāt
Mean to hurt anybody they just did this because he was attracted to you did steuart send you to tell me that no this was my own idea they both feel terrible about this maybe I was too harsh with him but only because my last relationship was a
Network of eyes and I swore that Iād never go through that again oh come on Stuartās not that kind of guy no he isnāt he impressed me as being very sincere Robin hello we were just talking about you and your father my father oh well donāt tell me you fell for that too
Iām not stās daughter Iām his mistress his mistress yes I have been for years I thought I was losing him to you but well whatever happened between the two of of you weāre back together again thank you he is the most exciting man Iāve ever known thatās the man I called Sincere thank you I donāt know what to do about Captain I mean I know Iām not handling it very well oh why donāt you talk to Stacy and tell her how you feel I would but I donāt know how I feel I mean part of me is deeply attracted to
Her and part of me canāt get used to seeing her in that a chair thatās understandable itās a big adjustment Kevin you log those for me please Captain you should have known her when she was in college I mean she had everything going for her and now now sheās disabled
Ace what do you want from Stacy I donāt know I think you do I want her to be like she was well Iām showing a lot of way she still is Stacy is a vibrant delightful young woman Iām sure she deserves a man who will love her the way she is not remind
Her of what she was this might be the time for you to ask yourself if youāre that man and what if Iām not what does it make me honest Way de ladies and gentlemen welcome to PTO where you can enjoy everything from Paris to Charming restaurants and shops which light its cobblestone streets whatever you like youāll find it here in fascinating Port of yarden Stacy wait I have to talk to you Iām on
My way into town good Iāll go with you no you wonāt I donāt need your help Stacy I am not trying to help you Iām trying to love you Ace please Stacy I just I donāt want your charity itās not charity look last last night I was confused about a lot of
Things now Iām not I want you like this I donāt care about the chair I care about you youāre beautiful youāre sexy youāre really serious arenāt you come with me and Iāll show you how serious Iām really confused look I need some time to think alone
Iāll talk to you when I get back Okay uh let me do that for you I I just like to make sure theyāre really out Iām a Fireman yeah and this shop is supposed to be great oh I love my she is my favorite you know oh give me a light I heard that you asked for a light and thatās exactly what the man gave me I didnāt realize I had to give up fear too well we are
Going into town care to join us no no but just make sure this one doesnāt smoke Marty youāre on fire are you all right uh yeah Iām fine and thanks for saving me from smoking and losing the bet give me a bourbon and stain Remover Iād like to apologize donāt apologize to me apologize to Robin youāre a liar and a cheat and a two-timer and not only did you treat me badly but how could you be so mean to Rob mean to Robin you got to be kidding me we have a very good relationship she
Gets everything she needs and wants you canāt buy people you played me for a fool you played Gopher for a fool and worst of all you played Robin for a fool and she loves you so that was from all three of us oh Rin what have you done now [Applause] right I just donāt know what Iām going to do when I go off duty Iāve received so many tempting offers I had the same problem Iām going to wash my hair too hi Iām looking for the lost and found well you found it I misplaced a
Ring that I bought in town and I was wondering if someone might have turned it in is it inscribed to uh honey buns ah yes Iām afraid so we werenāt prying we were just looking for identification oh thatās okay itās well itās kind of a personal joke no
Explanation necessary you looking at two girls who are going to wash their hair tonight well thanks very much bye-bye lat honey Benz itās a good name for Ace sure does fit attention please we will depart PTO Barta in 20 minutes we hope you enjoyed your stay whatās Good Captain Dr Bricker yes have either of you seen my husband while he was in the Neptune bar a while ago Isaac said he chewed up all the straws well heās trying anything he can to find a substitute for cigarettes donāt worry I never heard of anyone getting hooked on
Straws how are you doing okay neither of us is smoked yet but Martyās ready to go back to it Marty I think he went back too far Marty what on Earth are you doing itās a pacifier the pamphlet says some people have trouble quitting cuz their oral needs werenāt satisfied as a baby
Did it help yes and no I still want to smoke but I havenāt cried for an hour And you were so worried about being too old for her well I thought if I pretended to be your mistress that youād seem younger and more vital to her no Iām sorry Dad oh Robin donāt feel so bad the age problem is mine not Aliceās I shouldnāt have gone along with this
Crazy scheme in the first place I knew it wasnāt going to work h I think I learned my lesson too no matter what I tell goph for now heāll think itās a lie well we came on this cruise to spend some time together looks like weāre getting our wish
Huh do you think theyāre really father and daughter sure with all the stunts that Robin pull sheād be thrown out of the mistress Union still miss that little liar though I miss that big liar not for long Alison wait please this is my daughter Robert she was trying to make you
Jealous just to get us back together again sometimes I do dumb things sometimes okay A lot of times most times but Iād do them again if it would help my dad Robert please if you want to help me donāt help me he must be a wonderful man to have a
Daughter that loves you that much I just wish we could start all over again letās try I am steuart Mills this is my my daughter Robin Iām goer Smith and uh Iām Alison purcel his sister right we all have a drink good idea ladies and gentlemen we are now
Leaving PTO Barda and heading for Los Angeles and it looks like Smooth Sailing all the Way we canāt go on like this you know how much I need you how much I want you to feel your touch to feel you on my lips Iām going over the Edge better a smoker than a rubber Room Iām an addict I admit it Marty no donāt do it donāt try to stop me Iāll pay up you win the bet I donāt care about the bet Iāll do the housework and the dishes just donāt smoke that now youāre youāre fighting dirty I will fight anyway I have to
Honey I love you and I want you around for a long time with me Marty we can kick this thing together I donāt think I can look I was reading the pamphlet and it says if all else fails and someone is desperate for a cigarette do this the pamphlet say that whatās the
Difference we could stay like this forever I could think of worse CES Iāll kiss to That ah howās this oh fun you know if it gets too chilly out here we could go back to your cabin start where we left off last night you me no house mother I have something to tell you we can talk later no donāt please I thought thatās what you wanted
I did and I didnāt howās that Ace Iām engaged engaged yes I love him very much well you excuse me if I have a hard time following you look Iām not proud of myself for doing this but I couldnāt marry Jeff if I thought he was doing it out of
Pity I had to prove to myself that I was still a woman still attractive to men so so you needed some romantic guinea pig so you looked up Ace well thank you Ace look I I canāt ask you to forgive me but maybe in time youāll understand Jeff huh nice guy yes
Well I hope the two of you will be very happy do you really mean that not entirely but Iām working on [Applause] it It was a wonderful Cruise goer yeah Iād say it was interesting itās first time Iāve ever competed for a girl with her father well at least we had fun after everything got straightened out yeah I was kind of hoping youād come up with some wild ideas oh well Iām saving those
Until I know you better over thank you well we havenāt seen you two in quite a while but we have been getting better acquainted well I guess your age doesnāt make a difference after all I think youāll have to ask Alison come on letās go Junior it was a wonderful cruise and a
Great success story uh you did kick the habit of smoking this is we think weāll write our own pamphlet I guess you didnāt read the surgeon generalās latest report that kissing can be dangerous to your health oh thatās true cuz if I ever catch a kissing any body else Iāll kill
Her thank you so much bye-bye bye-bye thank you all for making this trip so wonderful Iāll never forget it and weāll never forget you Stacy good luck thanks is someone meeting you uh yes I called my fiance Jeff heās waiting for me well tell him for me heās a lucky
Guy oh I think Iām the lucky one to have found a guy like him and a friend like you thank you
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