Sorority recruitment is the start of a journey that builds relationships between women on college campuses. Many women meet their best friend, study buddy, workout-out partner, mentor, or future bridesmaid through the process. If you find that you’re going into recruitment determined to create these relationships immediately, you may find that it causes stress that makes the whole process feel unnatural. This week, we gathered several perspectives from the team on the topic of “rush crush” in sorority recruitment. Each story captures a reason as to why this mentality may be harmful in the end and a change of perspective to find enjoyment in each potential new member you meet.
Maddy Wilson, Executive Assistant of Her Sorority Journey – Zeta Tau Alpha
My time both in a collegiate chapter and advising as an alumnae has allowed me to view the experience of having a “rush crush” from many angles. A lot can be said for the effect a rush crush has on both the member and the PNM, something that will be explored in depth later in this blog, but the impact it has on the chapter at large is easy to overlook. It is time for us to think beyond the individual when it comes to recognizing the importance of better recruiting practices.
The concerns over a rush crush often focus on the sour feelings that arise when she doesn’t return for preference round or runs home to another organization. Encouraging our sisters to be conscious of their attachment to preserve their feelings is an important topic. But what about when our rush crush comes home? While we are happy to welcome her to our sisterhood, the attachment we’ve developed can turn into a different problem once she’s in the chapter. Recruitment doesn’t end on preference night. We continue to recruit our members as we welcome them home on bid day and support them through the new member process and the early weeks of being initiated sisters. Giving in to our attachment to our rush crush can prevent us from paying equal attention to our other new sisters. The worst thing we can do on bid day is leave a new member feeling as though she wasn’t a favorite. Successful retention requires us to bring smiles and sisterhood to every new member of our chapter. Making our new members feel welcome requires the commitment of every sister.
Maintaining a rush crush attachment can also cause hurt feelings further down the road in the new member process. If we demand all of the new members’ time, we might prevent her from meeting new sisters and developing greater points of connection in the chapter. Limiting her opportunities won’t make her closer to you, it will more likely detach her from the chapter overall. Additionally, we are recruiting women to be our sisters, not just our littles. Your rush crush might not become your little sister and that is okay! Don’t allow early attachment to detract from your relationship with your rush crush or your new little if that’s not her.
As you enter this recruitment season, view your interactions with PNMs as a commitment to every future new member of your chapter. Will every conversation be the best you’ve ever had? No, but every PNM might be your sister and it’s your job to make her feel valued in your house. Give your best to every woman who walks through your door, and you might find a relationship you never expected.
Madison Breedlove, Summer Cohort Member – Appalachian State University, Alpha Omicron Pi
I quickly learned how easy it is to fall in love with PNMs and imagine them in your chapter, or even as your little. You are supposed to build meaningful relationships with the potential new members, that’s the goal. But you also should remember that this is their recruitment experience and they will make the decision they feel is right, even if that decision isn’t the best-case scenario for you. I encourage you to think about the pressure you may be putting on her to run home to you when she may not have the same connection with your sisters.
A few years ago I talked to a super excited girl from Oxford, Mississippi during one of our pre-recruitment events. She talked to me for 45 minutes about why she was so passionate about wanting to be a Panhellenic woman and how she wanted to carry on her legacy in a sorority. She has that contagious bubbly personality that is so real and so refreshing. It was so easy to fall in love with her. On Bid day she didn’t run home to my chapter and I remember being sad but having this overwhelming excitement for her. I sent her a message a few days later congratulating her on her new home and making sure she knew, that no matter what chapter she was in I so deeply wanted to be her friend. FUN FACT: the girl who ended up being her big was my rush crush the year prior. Nothing is saying you can’t be friends with or continue to root for your “rush crushes” after recruitment in fact, this is encouraged! Fast forward to this year, she is now serving as my Vice President of New Member Services on the Panhellenic Council. This felt so full circle for me, getting to watch how she has grown into this thriving Panhellenic woman who is passionate about the new member experience with the help of the chapter she chose.
Some “big picture” things I want you to consider if your rush crush joins your chapter, Can you confidently say you will give each new member the same treatment when looking for your little? You can either focus all of your energy on one new member because you loved her during recruitment, or you can give that energy to retaining and engaging each new member who joins your chapter. New Members can feel when you are drawn to one specific girl. It may be a discouraging entrance to the chapter when they feel like they can’t connect with you because you are too preoccupied with your rush crush.
It can be so hard to not feel chosen but I challenge you to view it from the lens of “what’s best for me may not be what’s best for her.” I have realized how important it is to understand that they chose their home somewhere else for a reason, if they were connecting with you and having wonderful conversations with you imagine how loved and appreciated they must have felt in the chapter they chose. Take a step back and lean into the process we wholeheartedly encourage. If she runs home to you, what a special experience to look back on with her, but if she doesn’t man, didn’t her chapter get such a treat?
Aubrey Hardy, Resource Intern – Missouri State University, Alpha Sigma Alpha
Each year that I’ve participated in recruitment as a PNM or a recruiter I’ve experienced the “rush crush” predicament. This year my role will look much different as chapter president but I am certain I will be all the more aware of girls finding their “dream little” or “ideal member” during conversations. I hope to inform my sorority and the readers of this blog of rush crush relationships and how to overcome the hurdle they may present to you or the new members.
I want to be clear when I say getting excited about a particular member is not a bad thing it is when you start to apply pressure to her, yourself, and others that it becomes a problem. While I am positive that every rush crush is developed with the best intentions, we have to develop a mindset that the relationship can continue outside of our sorority. When I was a potential new member, I fell in love with several of the recruiters I met throughout the week and was so uncertain if the relationship would continue if I didn’t run home to them all on bid day. On the other side of recruitment, I would check the list each morning to see if my “dream girl” was coming back for the next round because I was certain my sorority was the one for her. Both of these perspectives created an unhealthy expectation that caused more stress than excitement.
If you find yourself developing a rush crush this year during recruitment my encouragement to you is to practice what it might feel like if she joins another chapter. This will allow you to relax and find genuine excitement and support for the potential new member through the process. If she chooses your chapter to run home to on bid day – you’ll have an instant connection but don’t forget to share the love! Introduce her to girls you think will connect with her and know that she might not be your little and that’s okay! If she doesn’t join your chapter it doesn’t mean you can’t reach out and grab a coffee or go on a walk together. I have friends of mine who have made an effort to continue a relationship with their rush crush in other chapters and it’s turned into a beautiful friendship within the Panhellenic community.
Lillian Strawn, Summer Cohort Member – Lander University, Gamma Phi Beta
My first year of recruiting, I learned of the term “rush crush” during work week and thought it was sweet! I loved the idea of building such an immediate connection with a potential new member and thought that the PNM would feel eager to run home to me on Bid Day. As I moved through the recruitment process, I started to see the harm of labeling a PNM as your “rush crush.” I watched my sisters’ hearts break when the PNM they dreamed of welcoming as a sister failed to return to the next round. I watched them struggle to build connections after that because they feared that their rush crush wouldn’t run home. The development of a rush crush can damage the experience for both the recruiter and the PNM.
PNMs are told to trust the process, but that becomes cloudy when you create such a deep connection with one member of a chapter. When someone claims you as their rush crush, it can make it more difficult to branch out and experience the chapter as a whole, rather than just that one sister. If you do develop that relationship organically, that is great! That can’t stop you from embracing other members and connecting to other sisters. Running home for one member can seem great, but that limits your connections outside of her, and can spoil the rest of your Sorority experience.
Recruiters who develop rush crushes may have an even more troubling recruitment experience. In my first year of recruiting, I had a friend who went through recruitment. She returned to my chapter each day, and I had the honor to speak with her during the Preference round. I felt certain that she would run home to me the next day. Surprise- she didn’t! She ran right past us and into the welcoming arms of her new sisters. My entire Bid Day felt soured. I was excited to celebrate my new sisters but devastated that the woman that I spoke to every round decided to join another organization. I was heartbroken! The following year, I made a strong effort to speak to as many different women as possible! I built so many connections throughout the recruitment process and felt excited to celebrate each of those women finding their place on our campus.
At the end of the day, we have to focus on the positives of recruitment- we are welcoming women into our beloved organizations and strengthening our Panhellenic community in the process! It is easy to get swept up in the exhaustion and high emotions of the recruitment process, but learning to embrace the community of Sorority life and the growth of our sisterhood makes the recruitment process much more rewarding for recruiters and PNMs.
During recruitment week, keep an eye out for members that excite you but also remember that each potential new member you talk to could be your next chapter sister. Treat every woman you meet with respect and kindness and your truest friendships will develop. In the case that you do find a girl that you really connect with – embrace it despite the chapter she joins and cheer her on. Recruitment is the start of a relationship in a sorority but there is so much more time to get to know each member and what’s unique to her. Take every opportunity to find a woman to uplift and support in every room you walk into.
