Complaining is a cultural phenomenon, but it’s particularly prevalent in societies with a consumer culture (the customer is always right) and those where comfort is coming to be expected.
Given all the complaining we do (about the weather, leadership, products, service and various ailments), it’s worth taking a moment to think about why we complain.
The obvious one might not be the main one.
The obvious reason to complain is to make a change happen.
If that’s the goal, though, we ought to focus those complaints where they’ll do the most good, and be prepared to do the work to have an impact. Organize the others, take consistent and persistent action, and market the complaint in a format and with a focus that will lead to action.
Most of the time, though, I’m not sure that’s what we’re really after.
Here are some others:
- to let off steam
- to signal group affiliation
- to create hope that things might get better
- to increase one’s status by selfishly demanding more
- to gain affiliation by complaining on behalf of someone else
- to gain status by demanding more for others who can’t speak up
- to validate our feelings by seeking acknowledgment from others that their grievance is legitimate
- to preemptively lower expectations or manage blame
- to conceal our fear or embarrassment
- to avoid responsibility by pointing to someone else
- to establish dominance or control in a situation
- to bond with others through shared experiences of dissatisfaction
Not on the list, because it belies almost all of these: “Whining in the face of imperfection often ruins what you’ve already got.”
Whining is the evil cousin of complaining. Whining purports to exist to make things better, but it never does.
James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem said, “The best way to complain is to make things.”
And perhaps we can extend that to: “The best way to complain is to make things better.”
