I’m recent college graduate Rusty Featherstone it turns out that the real world has some pretty spooky stuff in it and I’m looking to go back to school I think starting a Country-Wide Journey to Find where I want to go back to school starting here in the University of
Colorado at Boulder I’ll be judging each School using six distinct categories sports bars Greek life academics food and traditions each category can earn a maximum of five points for a total of 30. and the school will need a 21 in order to pass they’re unpredictable there’s still a wild animal kind of like
Your ex-wife turkey over here Nature’s Dorito we got bull balls who is them the sick puppy that decided to try cooking the balls first what does it taste like dessert it’s gizzard this the chicken how’s the tongue is that hard to fight it’s even more like uh bitterness
Because they’re not like semen blue balls and order them they got good culture yeah foreign the Food review but I guess we’re starting it with some testing the first place we went to has bison testicles and uh we’re gonna give it a shot do I dip it in the come
Is there come inside of it already tastes like gizzard you know what you ever seen that experiment where like they put a rubber hand down and convince it that if someone’s hand then they hit the hand with it like my balls hurt it felt like someone was biting into them but I bit
Into this guy’s boss well so he didn’t deserve this man so far the food in Boulder is really strange I don’t think it’s totally fair to judge the entire Town’s cuisine just off of Full Tesco so we’re gonna check out the sink which apparently is just a regular perk
Brian’s gonna show us how to make the famous sink Burger should not have had McDonald’s at midnight last night one of the important things is to get the diamond parade and that goes with I think burgers and steaks to tickets cheddar and provolone called honey Chipotle aioli and then our Texas straws
It’s an explosion in my mouth I think I might move to Boulder almost no scrunch huh you heard that don’t know what it is maybe the lettuce maybe it’s the pickles I don’t ask questions I just think I just eat this thing burner this place specifically is a perfect five
But I’ve only had two meals here and one of them was Champion up until this point I had rarely had testicles in my mouth and when I did I never bit down I ran into some Bolder natives having some car trouble on my way out they taught me
About the music culture here for life baby I don’t know what just happened to those in order to gauge the academic rigor of this University I sat down with one of the school’s top professors to talk about books deep space and what it’s like to be the smartest man in every
Room we walk into this could be one of the most important interviews in the history of astrophysical and planetary Sciences so I spent almost two hours of my afternoon planning for it I’m here with Professor Schneider he’s a professor of astrophysical and planetary Sciences but I did a lot of research on
You by that I only read the comments on Ray my professor but there was only one student who claims that your class was easy this student said best class ever and gave you a 1.0 for difficulty any guesses who the student was it would have been Joshua wrong it was actually
This student grew up to be Stephen Hawking here’s one from this afternoon actually I’ve never taken one of his classes but I’m going to interview him this afternoon I hope it goes well do you think this is going well so far so good okay so my neighbor growing up was this
Guy Mr Hancock and he was supposed to this is no joke was supposed to be the first man on the moon do you think we actually went to the Moon um uh the Moon is been so thoroughly explored by so many nations the Indian spacecraft that just arrived a month ago
Has taken photographs of I didn’t know the crap that we left behind on the surface of the Moon so you know everything there is to know about stars my ex-girlfriend she was an aquarius do you think that’s why it didn’t work out this happens to me all the time you’re
Sitting there on the airplane uh and the guy says astrology they get it mixed up with astrology uh absolutely astrophysicists have beef with each other in the same way that like 90s rappers did like do you and Bill Nye like trade Jabs in 2013 this is another
One of your students he said that you’re really good at explaining hard Concepts and I was wondering if you’d walk be through one that I’ve been struggling with why is the dark so scary boy uh I’ve never gotten that question before and I’d say it’s the lack of
Information what is dark matter and should I be afraid of that too either you know subatomic particles that we haven’t counted up yet that may not matter in the grand scheme of things it might not matter oh in layman’s terms just explain parallel universes there is the Multiverse idea that at every
Possible here’s a fun one do you think that there’s one where my ex-girlfriend and I are still together is she still an aquarius yeah she’s still an aquarius okay well there’s probably one where she’s not an aquarius that one we’re together yeah I think so do you think
She still loves me in this one no no thank you so much for uh for coming do you wanna do you want a voodoo Ranger hey man I’m on duty yeah that’s fair I’m gonna okay historically every great mind has had a vice Hemingway liked to drink
Jane Goodall liked to play with monkeys and I like to party they would spotted James and it’s he’s got the biggest dick I’ve ever seen let me tell you boy Liam you better start playing dirty because [Applause] Right now um we went to the spot at James last night which was the second bar I didn’t like it as much as the Sundown Saloon so I think it’s going to bring the score down a little bit but not a ton I think we’re at like a three and a
Half to a four maybe even a maybe even a three somewhere in the three four Ranger these bars are taking their number on me taking their taking their number I will say these bars are taking their toll on my body more so than than other places not sure what that’s
All about but we will see you guys shortly I’ve had two beers and I immediately feel better the energy is high there’s a guy who’s addicted to Saints Go box for time loving and uh and you’ll see what I’m talking about it he just said scoba tourettes to not something and it’s like
[Applause] an underwhelming first wave I believe that was the basketball team [Applause] s [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] let’s go all right we’re now in the sports section of our review we went to the pep run that was electric feels a little bit like it’s matched I’m gonna keep that one to myself a lot of camaraderie everyone was very welcome and Stop your man [Applause] it’s all about the deep sea you gotta hit the deep sea High there sketchy Phil has Edward two weeks run on over 55 and a half points I don’t think it’s gonna hit might have to bail him out financially I love you Phil but I don’t think it’s gonna happen anyways
How’s your experience today hi Kim I mean I’m from TCU so I was there to I was out for revenge for Gian I was going to try to tackle him on the field make a scene but after being there he quelled the storm inside my heart and I I was
Rooting for the Buffs by the end of it but I was trying to assassinate him get a shot of this guy’s cops or they’d say yeah they’re pretty soon no they’re insane they weren’t scoring as much as we thought there’s a lot of camaraderie the stadium was built for a team that
Doesn’t win a bunch of football games and now it’s just overcrowded I’m gonna go three out of five for sports unfortunately as much as I love Dion and we’ll see you guys a little bit yo Uber tube I think episode number 27 or so and
I got it I think I got a big interview here what is this beer dot Fridays Friday beer with all the beer you’re drinking uh sometimes like the liver the liver will deliver so here’s some bison I advice in testicles yesterday me too where the heck did you get bison
Testicles from the Dark Horse uh they might be one of my competitions for Supply who knew all right the next category that we’re examining to try and figure out what this school is all about is traditions we heard that chilling at the ebony Park people like to come do
We’re gonna check it out and I’m gonna get to the bottom of it for you well I’m trying to conquer my stage fright down in that pool in front of those girls Kelly’s gonna uh introduce you guys to some nice people I’m trying to ask people like what are the traditions in
Boulder Cory what are some traditions [Applause] it’s got a little life jacket [Applause] [ __ ] skull bomb Boulder’s all about an adventure and everyone just gets crazy has a good time you can go hiking but you can bring an IPA everyone in Boulder and Colorado likes EDM hiking and [ __ ] IPA I love it No not over here right now it’s enough chest for good people all right guys we just finished the tradition segment there weren’t a ton of people here and then I got nervous around the people that were here um I’m gonna go three out of five really Chill Vibes but uh nothing crazy I’ve
Been nervous for as long as I can remember there is one place however where all my fears wash away and my dreams become a reality it’s a tranquil Place filled with balance and laughter it’s a perfect Meadow where the air is thick with Brotherhood Let’s go moving on to the Greek life portion of our review things are looking good so far everyone here is very nice I know I’ve said that a bit I’m not trying to be redundant but they are I think well there’s the friendliest city in the
World we’ll see you guys in a little bit They’re very accommodating to me expelling some bodily fluids for my body which was nice I had a fantastic time I’m gonna go five out of five I learned a lot about myself during my stay in Boulder Colorado other than the natives don’t let any part of a buffalo
Go to waste when cooking it I learned that Boulder is chock full of Rich Traditions I learned about the most outer rims of our galaxies and that my ex-girlfriend and I are not going to be getting back together I learned what having a good football team does for a
City and most importantly I learned that the people of Boulder just like me are looking for one thing and one thing alone a good time critics will say that my grading system is deeply flawed and not based in reality semantics when the dust settled CU Boulder earned it 23 and
A half which is a passing grade if you’re a bright-eyed youngster and you’re applying to colleges I highly recommend you add this one to your list [Applause] Rocky Mountain High
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