But you asked your friend give me strength to go do this like you say Lord get me straight to rob this guy right what are some of the things that you go where did you go through your mind well we couldn’t socialize right we couldn’t walk on grass we couldn’t wear
Other colors but black Asuma stuff that we had are you on we couldn’t go through we couldn’t wear color it’s like we had to wear all black why because we couldn’t be caught with aks colors Delta colors eight colors and we weren’t worthy enough to wear several colors so
We had to wear all black we couldn’t walk on grass we couldn t call you eating sweets and I don’t know how many times we cut at social events where we oh my gosh they would they go one of the SG rows coming so we had the centipede
Or crawl on the ground and walk out of it so interesting as I’m reading your book I’m like oh my gosh is it here’s a totally different organization a totally different side of the world for me but he’s going through the same exact thing that I’m going through because you
Talked about how you got caught at a party yeah I was at a party one time at a function and I was looking around you sent to look around your surroundings to see there’s any of the other facts there you’re paranoid you get a little paranoid because you don’t want to get
Caught but as much close the coast was clear I said okay I was picking up some snacks here and there but I was not realizing what I was doing and then one of the frat brothers came Oh actually freedom came in I’m like oh god they came in for me you think they’re
Focusing on you but they came in for me but I was kind of careful but I was I exit out of the ballroom and we had this function I was saw one of the Fraggles came to me and said hey what’s up can tell you know I so hey yeah Hido Eva
Chill just relax just you know just wanna see what’s up that’s serenade you got a set you up like oh yeah that cookies good yeah yeah yeah he’s just what he said to him he says is it a beauty I said he goes I’ll see you online tonight oh my god so I
Ran back hmm at home Renault saying and told the lie my lawn brothers what took place so how do you how did you feel as a man because I had a review online I was like I’m not gonna let these girls beat me down right
That’s how I came in and that’s what I said I was like you know what because I’m an individual you ain’t gonna take that from me but as the process started you got them up in your face and Elliot you’re making me do demeaning things the first thing
Is a massage I feel less of a woman I do not feel like an individual so how did you feel I felt degraded in a way I’m saying um I felt like why do I gotta do this I’m saying and at first I was like
You act all big and bad like Aikido and the ones that in treatment like this or you gotta show you some that you could get my man and stuff but when you see it in front of you look okay what did I get myself into you know and then you know the first
Session I was I was contemplating myself I don’t want to do this you understand but at the same time they encourage you and they say come on you could do it you know don’t drop it’s just your first first-round drop don’t drop and I said oh all right you know I’m saying and
Then it went home I see it’s interesting because that’s how the devil does it the rebel he’ll entice you he’ll be friend new he’ll say you know what it’s okay I’m your friend right and then he’ll lower you and then this is like during the pledge process right when I’m
Reading your book and I’m thinking about my own process they’re all of your face yeah you think you’re hard and they’re breaking you down right after the session they’re rubbing your back and there’s a right it’s okay you know we’re supporting you do you need anything
Trying to ride gas money you just beat the crap out of you y’all didn’t spit in my face made me eat some onions right some raw eggs me and all the sudden so you don’t know food yeah you know and it’s interesting and the beautiful thing about being a Christian and walking with
Christ the way that he treats the way that he is with us is just perfect love right there is no up down up now you don’t know what to expect you don’t know when the storm is coming it’s just you know what I love you and there
Is no you have to jump over hoops and you have to let me beat you down to be a Christian right and it’s interesting I wasn’t even saved when I when I pledged the sorority but some of the issues that you talked about in your book the emotional psychological battles that you
Went through yeah I went through them okay so what was that like for you the peer pressure it was hard you know you go back home you busting out sweats I’m saying you hear the phone ring you don’t know if it’s your parents or your friend or the fly brothers or the fraternity
Itself you’re trying your best to to keep yourself together you know but it is the peer pressure it’s hard sometimes it’s hard for you to not want to be seen on campus by a fraternity but what was the what was the spiritual side of it like for you internally what kind of
Battles were you into it man um a spiritual bout that I was going through was like I said it was a peer pressure I’m saying it was more of fighting with my Christianity and fighting with it’s like the dark in the light I know you know the flesh the flesh in the spirit
Man warring against each other which one is going to get my soul I’m saying that’s something that I was battling with it was like do I really need this no I do need it no I don’t need this you know and it’s kind of like you’re in the
Middle and you have one spirit pulling you in the another one spirit is actually tearing you apart that’s the kind of spiritual battle that I had interested in is I’m reading your book that you wrote I wasn’t a Christian but there was an internal battle one not
Even for me I just thought it was my conscious like just some of the things that they were doing I’m like you know I’m not Christian and all you know is it okay for them to be saying the goddess he always opens the door for the Sun god I don’t sound right
And then the next minute they’ll be like okay let’s be first Corinthians 13 right oh you know something I’m right here but you know I quite couldn’t put my but I did fall there was like a dark shadow when it dealt with the pledging process and just everything that you went
Through psychologically I’m like somebody just ain’t right I know they say these organization I founded on principles you know that’s not true they they tell you that it is but you know when someone tells you and you see the action this is totally different you know they make it seem that way it’s
Kind of like the devil will lure you will put something out there like a bait and it does pull you in it’s okay you know I think it’s okay is talking about Christian ask Chris Christian principles and also they forgot first but when you go into it and
You find you find out certain things what they do then you’re like okay this is not Christian based understand you tend to you folk you you focus on trying to find out what’s being fit into the organization understand you don’t know until you get into it it’s like a book
Right I can’t say what this book is about unless I read it you understand you can’t judge a book by its cover you can just you can judge by its content you understand I can find out okay I couldn’t know at the beginning a
Middle and is if I open it up and I read it but if I don’t open up and I say okay that’s that’s cool but everything that glitters is not moved you’re saying so that’s what did you do you remember any of like the oats or the pledges that
Just contradict the whole Word of God but to be honest with you I do not remember huh I do not know it’s been so long ago there’s many years you know and I don’t remember I just remember the test that I went through I wanted to drop four times
And dropping four times they encouraged me and told me don’t drop don’t drop or the line brothers this is where the pressure comes my mom brother was safe and you won’t drop my money when you almost halfway there why you gonna drop don’t Punk out man
And it what happens is that your manhood gets tested if I drop then I’m gonna walk around on campus everybody’s been all my friend brothers don’t like I was like looking at me like you did that was your one and only chance and like who wants to go through that again
Interesting me um since I was considered the rock on my line I were the deuce I was the one saying you better not drop because if you drop you home good job right yeah I probably would have been the one on campus saying we are not
Talking to her we’re gonna shun her but after you dropped and what when you explained to us how you drop okay officially dwell this is what this is what happened you know I had to be honest and true Allisyn true to myself you know um when I crossed over like you
Said I remember I spoke to you and you said they crossed the burning sands right everything was cool but after I did what I did you know had paraphernalia we came out online and a head was shaved off and stuff like that and is even the things they did on
Stage when we came out I just couldn’t do it did you diss the other frats and the other journeys on campus no I did we didn’t but what happened is that when we did our stuff I was the feeling he was not in my heart you know and what happened is that the
Next s in the next two days it was on a Monday I can’t hike I could I can remember we had our first frat meeting and when I went in our fat meeting everybody was happy they were all sitting around a table and they’re passing the paddle around and saying
Blue long blue bye you know stuff like that and what happened I was just sitting there like this dead you know I had something to say before we had the meeting I spoke to the president of the organization and I
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