Welcome back to another episode of the corporate Cowboys podcast my name is Alex as always your host today proof of life it’s Wednesday March 15 2023 and I’ve got another uh little half hour consultation for you my apologies I’ve put I’m putting a couple of days in between episodes at the moment because
Work is getting busy so I hope you all enjoyed the time I took to organize and um I guess coordinate schedules with Alex in order to have them on the podcast and we got a good hour in just going back and forth decompressing and uh and uh just therapizing
Therapizing therapy yeah theraprising I guess it’s harmonizing as far as professional development goes now if you are not familiar with the theme of the podcast yet just know that that’s exactly what it is it’s a form of Professional Therapy it’s cathartic in some sense and it’s self-edifying in another so we hope that
We’re able to educate while we entertain you on Tales potential strategies approaches in corporate tonight it’s just me but the better I get at coordinating because there are more than one moving parts and our schedules the better I get at coordinating with Alex the more I’ll have them on the podcast
Today’s question is coming from r slash career guidance our slash career guidance and it’s been flared for advice so they do want some advice just a quick disclaimer if you didn’t know yet everything you are hearing now ought not to be construed as legal advice you haven’t retained us we are
Not your representatives we are not your agents we’re just corporate Cowboys we’re stand-up guys with Criminal Minds so nothing that uh we present or that we convey across the multiple mediums that you might find us on none of it should be construed as legal advice we do not condone any wrongdoing or wrongful
Activity just the questionable kind but still you’ve got to be able to back that up just on the strength of being a corporate Cowboy they can question you but you’ve got to be principled at the end of the day so they’re asking here an r slash career guidance
How do I politely clap back to being called buddy or bud in a professional setting in a professional setting uh I mean do you want to clap back is Buddy or Bud like derogatory are they using it in a way to snub you in front of colleagues or in front of business associates
Right if they’re outside or the third parties and they’re using bud or buddy I mean you’ve got to really really analyze the circumstances and find whether or not they’re trying to undermine your professional image in spite of the team’s reputation right so if you are say you’re in a position of leadership
And a lateral colleague to you anybody lateral to you or subordinate to you calling you buddy or Pal I mean again you’ve got to take into account whether it’s verbally right or over an email over I mean over a text I suppose I could see that especially if you’re working close together and
Coordinating uh possible moves or strategies when it comes to making deals or you know structuring that deal together and you’ve got everything is uh Touch and Go so bud or buddy might be a shorthand for your colleagues your Associates but you’ve got to find out whether or not the intent
Is being conveyed as such there are going to be instances where you’ll just have to swallow it or at least come to terms with the fact that certain of your Associates certain colleagues just operate under those premises either they have a more relaxed ideal of professionalism and that’s not bad but
You’re the one if you are the leader as the professional you’re the one who will have to then decide whether or not that associate that colleague of yours who uses buddy pal but chief right and I’ve been called just about all of those but it comes back to me
If I’m in the hypothetical client’s position if I’m in the hypothetical client’s shoes it’s up to me to decide whether or not I want to bring that associate into the fold on this deal that I’m structuring on this business transaction that I’m putting together right because if your counterparty if you’re um
Yeah if you’re counterparty is a professional then the image you want to give off of the image you want to give off is one of professionalism one in which your team respects you and uh hold you to high standards so you can’t be communicating with one another
As buddy Powell bro uh I mean coming up uh put having put in some work you know you have people in your circle who use uh the n-word just straight up say [ __ ] and to them it’s it’s the most natural thing to say in any given circumstance just like people
Who who use other vulgar language who use [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] right in in in just normal parlance where where in corporate that may not always fly I mean every now and then you’ll you’ll see someone who’s managed to ascend to a position of power a position of leadership and executive
Role and they speak like that but it’s a privilege it’s a privilege it’s not always a right yeah you can exercise your rights and others can choose others can choose not to associate with you for having done it but but again give them the context and the circumstances if you
Have the reputation if you have the Rapport if you have the credibility to be able to back up what you say it’s it’s tantamount to threatening somebody and not have it be an empty threat right it’s it’s the same thing as brandishing a weapon on the street you aren’t going
To brandish you’re not going to pull [ __ ] out if you’re not gonna use it right so if you speak in a certain way buddy pal bro and you’re not sincere about it if you’re two-faced if you’re uh using some kind of double speak or you’re using it in a manipulative demeaning
Conniving manner it will come back to you it may not immediately but if somebody were to press you on the issue and you fold like a [ __ ] that’s on you that’s on you and it will negatively impact your professionalism those repercussions will travel will carry and people will know your
Future Associates will know your immediate Associates will know for sure and your reputation is just is just tarnished from then on uh I haven’t even read the body my apologies I I got carried off on the title now I do that sometimes but we have a pretty uh pretty big body to this
One so I’ll go ahead and start reading I will still keep this to uh 30 minutes and I’ll try not to cut it off as much right so they’re asking too long didn’t read so they give us the too long dinner read up front where they say
How do I nicely tell people I interact with at work but outside of my direct company to stop calling me bud or buddy right now these are individuals that they interact with through work it sounds like but they’re outside of their direct company whether or not
Uh they mean the company of like their immediate circle their their division their department or the organization entirely right if these are individuals which you interact with in your industry right they’re going to be uh business suppliers Distributors producers manufacturers retailers right if you’re working business to business
And this is somebody else at another business that you interact with often and they’re calling you buddy or Pal you got a pal you got it buddy that’s to me that’s business right especially if it’s the industry if the industry lends itself to that and that’s going to depend also on the
Social and Professional Network in which you come up in because you have to be mindful of the chain of command in which you reside you reside in somebody else’s uh for lack of a better term Army for lack of an even better term Fife them or Thief them
For lack of a better term somebody’s crew somebody’s gang right your if if you have managers and if you have managers the managers in that industry all refer to one another in in a certain professional cordiality right they might have common courtesies for one another when they speak to one another and so
Those sometimes sometimes and I’ve seen it more often than not sometimes it’ll carry to the subordinates where if your manager tasks you with negotiating a deal with some other uh department head at another company they may have already done business transactions in the past so to this
Other person you might be the new one and to this other person it’s something routine they’ve done it before with the person who was in your position before you so to them it’s just buddy hey what’s up buddy how you doing well this is how uh the ropes go here you
Know just uh showing you the ropes I guess on how to start or progress through the negotiation if if you didn’t already go into the negotiation knowing how to conduct yourself right but if you’re dealing with somebody who’s been in their position for way more time than you have it’s going to be
Common that they view you as a passerby has a transient somebody who’s just passing through just going through the motions you might leave the next month the next year and the next person that comes in maybe maybe it won’t be worth their time to learn your name they’ll just refer to
You as buddy or Pal I mean what more do you want you want them to refer to you as the executive VP of merchandising and that’s it right no I mean you’re not going to call people by their title it’s going to be something short either their name or something shorter
Sorry so they say here long story long story okay well then let’s read it for you I have climbed the ranks in my industry fairly quickly and as a result I am younger than many people at my title or similar title they’re in their late 20s they say they’re at a director title
Very nice very nice that’s what I’d like to see hungry [ __ ] go-getters consummate Professionals for the most part from what it sounds like right if they want to be known as uh by their own name maybe maybe they do have a title a title that is customary in their
Industry maybe that’s what they want to be known by but uh otherwise a consonant professional and I can appreciate that they’re saying I also work in an industry where communication outside of my direct company is a huge part of my job so something like business to business that’s what I’m thinking something B2B
Throughout my career people largely straight men have called me does that matter all right you’re gonna bring some [ __ ] into this let’s put it to you this way right um oh yeah I mean not maybe they’re just trying to uh to relate or disarm you somehow right and apparently it’s
Getting under your skin um which to me it means it’s working right so if they’re relating to you or disarming you somehow it’s getting under your skin and I don’t want to project but [ __ ] baby maybe maybe you have a [ __ ] Crush you [ __ ] all right throughout my career people largely
Straight men have called me bud or buddy in both verbal and written Communications instead of my name I mean I could probably do verbal but written again I mentioned before written really depends is it through text I mean are we working through company phones is it through email
Um is it’s through uh I mean what else is there is is it through through formal correspondence is it first class mail are they writing this [ __ ] to me in in a uh in a demand letter of some kind and some kind of legal notice right if they’re
Putting hey bro we’re suing you yeah I would take offense to that because there are certain legal formalities certain professional formalities that go into professional writing so I mean if they’re dropping the ball that’s on them I personally I wouldn’t get offended I would definitely uh clap back um
Maybe not clap back in the sense that I would be reprimanding them but you I mean really the only option at that point would be to outclass them in professionalism and uh show them who’s boss show them who’s daddy over here [ __ ] literally straight in the [ __ ]
The [ __ ] out of here in the beginning of my career they write in the beginning of my career I chalked that up to my low level title and newness newness I guess novice-ness newness in the industry I also am a queer man who is of below average height which I felt Also may
Play into it oh my [ __ ] goodness that said that said I had assumed that as I Rose in title it would work its way out I was wrong they write I mean this this question I already have issues with because they’re projecting it’s a whole lot of [ __ ] projecting
Going on and maybe now I’m thinking not a whole lot of professionalism but I don’t know we’ll see if anything they write it’s getting progressively worse oh I could tell you what else is getting progressively worse we live in a society fam we live in a [ __ ] society I believe this this this
Is might be what I believe this might be okay they miss they mistyped that I believe this might be due to the fact that I am young for my title yes you see let’s start there let’s start there youth I can believe but all this gay [ __ ] nah nah but also maybe
Overthinking it I’m gonna go with actually that definitely overthinking it I’ve seen the young I’ve seen the youngest I’ve been the young where where they’re using buddy pal as a way of demeaning you especially when you rise in rank and [ __ ] have been in the same position for for way longer for
Years they’re almost treated as lifers even and then you just come through one month to the next one quarter to the next and and you’re you’re making moves you’re making moves you’re moving up and they feel some type of way about it so of course they’re going to try to the
The the phrases Sun you they’re gonna try to Sun you treat you like a son treat you like a kid hey buddy hey pal hey hey little guy right like that’s even worse right but if they go hey hey guy hey hey little man hey man
Just trying to demean you in a way where they’re trying to impress not not their uh technical expertise but I mean they’re legal seniority just their age trying to say like Hey kid I’m [ __ ] I’m 50 years old you’re half my age you haven’t seen half the [ __ ] and I’m like
Dog I’ve done twice the amount that you have in your 50 [ __ ] years so it’s you know I digress but I digress right either way they say either way they write I would love for it to stop but I feel like coming out and saying it directly would
Make me come off as insecure and may only make the problem worse [Laughter] I agree I would agree to some extent but there is a way of addressing it there is always there is always a way to address this in order to preserve your professional image and to preserve respect you wouldn’t
Necessarily be Burning Bridges you would be fortifying them you would be fortifying them that requires a lot of advanced planning higher level thinking strategy logic and tact what you’re dealing with here is psychosocial mechanisms in professionals right that may have become complacent and resting on their laurels becoming comfortable with you right
Becoming comfortable with you to the extent that it’s impacting your professional development so you want to continue your professional development uh progressing you don’t want to [ __ ] your professional development what you have to do is address it professionally don’t don’t be insecure about it right posing this question sure it it exposes
Some vulnerabilities and you’ve already mentioned you’re you’re gay or you’re queer or uh you’re short I guess in in stature and in height but that’s got nothing to do with who you are as a professional now you want to allow your [ __ ] complexions your complex to bleed through in your professional life
People are going to treat you some type of way and you’ll recognize it you want to you want to uh uh let your personal life bleed into your professional life that’s on you I’ve said it before who you are personally informs who you are professionally but who you are professionally what you do
Professionally bleeds into your personal life so don’t be insecure about it don’t be insecure about it you can address it if anything at least mitigate it limit it somehow tell them damn I mean I’ll finish here I’ll finish here hold on they continue if anything it’s getting progressively worse
Internally they write internally people do not do this what do they what do they mean internally like within themselves or within your company internally people do not do this I have had one boss who started to do this when he first moved into my management line
And I started calling him pal as a response okay he took the hint and now we have a whole bit where we called each other buddy pal and guy this feels a little inappropriate to do externally in professional Communications but the industry I work in is pretty lacks as
Far as professionalism goes okay there you are that’s the context we were looking for but I mean they’re not done they’ve got a couple senses here so the industry I work in is pretty lacks as far as professionalism goes so I could probably get away with it if I tried it
And thought it would help uh they say they they finish off here would love any advice people have to offer or would love to hear what others did in a similar situation this account is a throwaway for privacy reasons yada yada okay well well if I had to address it
If I had to address it it would necessarily be um by a phone call First I mean you you want to be a corporate Cowboy about it I would not send an email with with you somehow exposing this vulnerability right because that’s going to come off almost as insensitive
Right you don’t know you may have been in a in a in a relationship unbeknownst to yourself well where somebody is treating you as as their buddy as their pal and then you write in an email it might come off as flagrant it might come off a
Scathing even don’t call me this I would appreciate you not calling this yes there are ways to write an email but why the [ __ ] would you want that paper trail that kind of paper trail I mean there are instances where you want receipts not so much in this one not so much in
This one I would start with a phone call personally depending on how well you know right and again take us all with the grain of salt because we don’t I still have follow-up questions but I don’t think I have enough time on this uh on this episode I’ve got
About six seven minutes left I’ve still got questions as far as what the industry is exactly what type of people they speak with at what level what types of organizations how do they interact from organization to organization what does one organization do why do they need each other
Right because even that might inform the organizational culture that they come from it might be that your company is of a more professional White Collar setting and the firms you are associating with those outside peoples are a little more gray collar blue collar things are things are more lacks more
Casual in their organizations so don’t don’t get lost in the translation I wouldn’t feel any way about it addressing them in external Communications like emails if you start this little petty [ __ ] where they’re hey pal hope you had a nice weekend buddy and you’re just in in return
Thanks bro much appreciated pal like thinking thinking you’re expressing some kind of emotion or trying to drop some kind of hint or a clue via email you know folks can’t read emotion or intent in an email it just comes off as technical writing but if you if if any transaction that
You that you consummate that you process with this counterparty if any of it goes into dispute they’re gonna think you all were friends at some point so what do you do you outclass them you remain The Professional the consummate professional refer to them by their last name Mr or Mrs so-and-so
Thank you very much for your previous communication just wanted to follow up on this order or this invoice number or whatever what have you and that’s it end it there or I mean of course you want to uh a little uh a little closer have a nice
Weekend or whatever you still want to be cordial but at no point in time do you do you need to reciprocate the energy Petty or otherwise because it will not come across the way you think it will if it was over a phone call and let’s see let’s think of a good scenario
A good hypothetical let’s say the hypothetical clients is actually coordinating with an outside service contractor an outside contractor and what they need is is this contractors services in order to consummate another deal right and the communications are about three-way or four-way even a bunch of names getting cc’d some even BC Seed
Do you want this person referring to you as bro or buddy no definitely not again it depends on the context most instances at least me personally no you do not you do not want to disclose too much to the other counterparties as far as the level of acquaintance or the level
Of relation you keep with your contractors that to me is opening yourself up to liability to scrutiny unnecessary unnecessarily opening yourself up so that’s where a phone call might come in letting them know what the game plan is like professional Communications only when dealing with other third parties
If they are going to CC me and we are working together it’s professional speak only professional verbiage only don’t bro me don’t butter me don’t pal me don’t Chief me don’t King me right you can do that you can do all that [ __ ] over text
If you know me like that if we get along like that so how do you prevent it right how do you prevent it in some instances like I said before you’re gonna have to come to terms with the fact that some people just speak like that given their background given
The organizational culture they came up in it’s not something you can change unless unless for whatever unless I guess a pipe dream here some some higher end higher end hypothetical unless you ascended to a position where you can influence how your outside counterparts Act right if you become the executive
Director at yours not just the director the executive director and you can speak to the other executive director as a professional let them know that Communications between both of your organizations are to remain professional only for the sake of image and reputation and appearance but that’s going to take time too I mean
You’re you’re just a director you still have to move up you have plenty of room to grow you have I was gonna make a a short joke but nah nah you know we do want to respect the short Kings out there who may feel vulnerable for some reason
I know plenty of individuals shorter than me taller than me I treat them all with a sense of respect because in some respects they might be better than me in certain aspects of this this thing we call life this thing we call corporate and if I need them I might bro them
I might pal them or buddy them if we get along like that otherwise last names Mr Mrs formal salutations right especially if I’m see seeing somebody else in it if I’m BC seeing someone else in it why because I help set up my own network my own Associates my colleagues I helped
Set them up as professionals I allow them to start off on the right foot otherwise I open myself up for them to uh to backhand me that’s that’s the term I was looking for not clap back Don’t Clap back back hand but that’s higher level thinking that’s higher level thinking really it’s just
Outclassing them outclassing them being a professional if you find yourself in a position where you where you need help right you need that type of assistance you would like to schedule a one-to-one by all means that’s what we’re here for reach out to us we’re on Instagram you can DM us you
Can write to us our handle on Instagram is at corporate Cowboys with a z we’re on patreon the corporate Cowboys podcast you can subscribe to any uh number of tiers I think you can subscribe to more than one even if you if you are that devout
Just know that any monies we get from the podcast goes towards keeping it non-profit and towards others business expenses and legal fees so write to us shoot us a donation if you are so inclined oh our mailing address is P.O box 3372 Rancho Cordova California 95741 you know we enjoy
Receiving what you send us so until next time just remain the consonant professional don’t let any of this get under your skin especially your identities these [ __ ] social identities don’t let them get under your skin because you’re a professional first yes you’re an individual but a professional first if you’re not taking
Care of business why the [ __ ] should business take care of you you’re allowing your social identity to get in the way of something productive right don’t let your social identity [ __ ] your own professional development just be righteous be righteous have yourself a good one I’ll catch you next time
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