[indistinct chatter over police radio] [camera shutter clicks] – IT’S A WEIRD ONE– NOTHING OUT OF PLACE, NO MURDER WEAPON. – AND NO MOTIVE. THERE’S JUST A COUPLE LYING DEAD IN THEIR BED. – THE PROOF IS ALWAYS OUT THERE, DETECTIVES. YOU JUST HAVE TO KNOW WHERE TO FIND THE PUDDING.
– EXCUSE ME, SIR, YOU CAN’T BE HERE–THIS IS A CRIME SCENE. – SAMWELL, IT’S OKAY. HE’S THE GREATEST SEX-CRIME INVESTIGATOR IN HISTORY. IF IT ISN’T DETECTIVE CHUCK VAUGHAN. – DETECTIVE SALLY FERGUSON. – WE COULD USE A GENIUS RIGHT NOW. – TOM SAMWELL. – WHAT HAVE WE GOT, SAMWELL?
– WELL, VAUGHAN, WE’VE GOT OURSELVES A HARD CASE HERE. ALL WE’VE GOT IS– – TWO BODIES, BOTH DEAD, NAKED– ONE MAN, ONE WOMAN IN THE BED, TWO SCENTED CANDLES BY THE NIGHTSTAND. – HOW DID YOU– – SHH. – NO SIGN OF FORCED ENTRY. HE LOVED THE WAY THEY SMELLED. [sniffing]
HE WANTED TO CROSS THE THRESHOLD THE WAY THEY HAD ON THEIR WEDDING DAY. [sighs] YOU DIRTY DOG. [chuckles] HE WOULD’VE EXPERIENCED THAT PLEASURE RIGHT HERE. [pants unzip] [groaning loudly] ANNIVERSARY–THE COUPLE WAS TOGETHER FOR A WHILE, WANTED TO SPICE THINGS UP. CHECK THE DATE ON THE PHOTOGRAPH. – VAUGHAN’S RIGHT.
TODAY WAS THEIR 15TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. THIS IS HUGE. – AND WHAT THE [bleep] WAS THAT? YOU JUST PULLED YOUR DICK OUT AND STARTED JERKING OFF AT THE CRIME SCENE. – SAMWELL, HE’S THE BEST THERE IS. BY PUTTING HIMSELF IN THE PERPETRATOR’S MIND-SET, HE’S ABLE TO SOLVE CRIMES THAT INVOLVE SEX. BAG THIS UP.
– SOME CALL IT A BLESSING. IT’S MORE LIKE A CURSE. – IS THAT WHAT IT FEELS LIKE? – [sniffing] THREESOME. [sighs] YOU WANTED TO SEE THEM, DIDN’T YOU? YOU WANTED TO WATCH. 25 FEET FROM THE BEDROOM, ACROSS THE KITCHEN, YOU… [huffing] YOU DIDN’T WANT TO SEE THEIR FLESH YET, DID YOU?
NO. HE STOOD RIGHT HERE. [pants unzip] [groaning loudly] ROLE PLAY GONE WRONG. CHECK THE LOGS. – WE’VE GOT A BLOODY FIRE POKER. WE’VE GOT OUR MURDER WEAPON. – UM, WHY DO YOUR REVELATIONS REQUIRE MASTURBATION? – WHY DO KITTENS REQUIRE MILK? – NOPE, NOT THE SAME THING. – HEY.
HEY, HE’S THE MOST BRILLIANT GODDAMN DETECTIVE I KNOW. PUT YOUR EGO ASIDE AND GIVE VAUGHAN HIS SPACE. – MY EGO? WE GOT CAPTAIN PUDPULLER FLINGING HIS FLUIDS ALL OVER THE CRIME SCENE. – WAIT. HE KNEW THEM. HE– THEY WERE CLOSE, SO CLOSE, TOO CLOSE. HE–HE… I THINK HE KNEW THE HOUSE. WHY?
WHAT DID YOU WANT, YOU SICK BASTARD? YOU WANTED TO SEE… WHAT HE SAW EVERY DAY… ONLY CLOSER… CLOSER. HE WAS CLOSE TO HOME. [groaning loudly] THERE’S OUR MAN. – ALL RIGHT, LET’S GO GET HIM. GO, GO! – HOW DID YOU– VAUGHAN, THAT WAS AMAZING. I’M SORRY THAT I DOUBTED YOU.
YOUR METHODS ARE UNORTHODOX, BUT… I CANNOT ARGUE WITH YOUR RESULTS. [zipper closes] – NO HARD FEELINGS? – UH, NO, NOPE, NOT GONNA DO THAT.
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