I cannot get over how many sororities there are at umw it’s so exciting barry this is a dream come true for me you know that i know come on to be a sister i know all my life hi hi how are you good good
Good what can i do for you want to sign up oh oh that’s so cute you guys are so cute but we have a strict age limit policy here at pyro so well what would that be well you have to be younger than you wow so long very alpha beta
Now look at this sorry caters to strong confident women who feel like the average sorority doesn’t speak to them hey how about that in lifelong friendships joan oh we’re home come on this is where we want to be you do realize this is a black sorority
That doesn’t bother us at all no where do we sign up this is my best friend barry and this is my best friend joan we’ve been inseparable since we were little girls we both got married right out of high school then settled in for a lifetime of suburban domestic bliss
But then one day joan’s husband suddenly died and then barry found her husband cheating instead of feeling sorry for ourselves we decided to start over together we enrolled in college and moved into the freshman dorms in 1928 when our great sorority was founded by agatha christ and beatrice grime it was established on
Principles of sisterhood honor integrity and etiquette that’s right ladies this week we’re going to have a series of challenges ahead of you yes and some of the requirements for rush this week is that at the end of the week you’re going to have a performance where you can just sing dance
Showcase any talent that you have as long as it’s about african-american culture because we as alpha beta women want to see the strong african-american women we know you can be well hi um are you guys sure that you’re here to pledge the black sorority we are how about that harriet tubman huh
Look here golden girls i don’t know what you’re doing here i don’t know who you are i don’t know if it’s that you think this is funny this is a joke but i take this very seriously and i do not appreciate you two coming all up in through our house
Disrespecting our heritage oh no no there is no disrespect we’re here to become the strong black women we know we can be that’s right we’re gonna fit right in do you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth are you ladies crazy you’re not black you don’t know what it
Means to be black and i appreciate if you left hold off sister sledge i am actually one sixteenth afro-american my great great granddaddy had a plantation and there was a little love connection going on so you get the deal so what i’m supposed to let you ladies
In because your ancestors raped a couple of my ancestors if it helps is all i’m saying sister if it helps okay what happened last night i don’t know i don’t remember anything i don’t remember anything okay just listen just relax don’t tell anyone would you please please take my
Pillow off of your chunk no no i have to cup it oh if it isn’t the bobsy twins hi you cute boys hi best friends forever how you feeling today oh my goodness not good were you cute last night all that rubbing on the back that massage that
Went on forever and all the love between you two boys oh mr drew i’ve never had a friend like you your beautiful skin mr drew can we just change the subject please yes how about this oh alpha beta we’re rushing alpha beta oh my gosh it’s the most dynamite
Sorority you guys wait to hear about it they just offer so much stuff that we really keyed into there’s such a depth to this sorority we’re really gonna fit in that’s a black sorority right yes and we’re gonna make some lifelong black friendships you’re not black it doesn’t matter we’re
All sisters we’re gonna fit right in that’s what you see on the surface but you know what’s inside black girls black is cold yep whatever we didn’t have when we was a kid whatever we didn’t have we pretended we had like a father my mom used to lie
This is amazing oh i wish those sorority girls could see us here i know i mean come on we’re just in a sea of black people that love comedy we’re so black right now i know i feel it love being black you know what i’m saying i don’t know what some people
I don’t want those skinny ass white woman look i mean come on i need i need some junk in the trunk like a big car but a dirty trunk that’s funny no but what’s not that it’s being healthy baby oh they go to bed they’re healthy they’re satisfied
Listen to that so who’s got junk in their trunk i want to be able to play games like hey you the stripper at home you better just just be to put a dollar man all these skinny ass white women can’t you can’t do nothing with that i’ve got junk in my trunk
Can you see it back there yo look at my junkie trunks i’ll get some i’ll get she’s a skinny white she’s a skinny white she’s she’s logo you got any blackheads no but i’d like some because you’re the head of the african-american studies department you thought you’d be the best person to talk
To okay well how can i help you ladies we want to learn everything we can about african american history and social behaviors just everything well great you know what there’s a book that i want you ladies to read it’s the invisible man by ralph ellison no we don’t like fantasy stories too much
Yeah science fiction it just doesn’t and we don’t have a lot of time because they’re really up our butts about you know quizzing us and testing us fast so just quickie quick if you could throw some black stuff into our heads yeah so we could walk away with lots of
Black knowledge that’s what we would love black stuff yes black stuff like what oh just everything yeah black facts like where you learned music why everybody likes those big 40 ounce kind of beers rather than just a little one is it good to get it all at once or
Are you why you’re shy of water now ladies what you’re doing is you’re making a generalization of all black people no we don’t all like 40 ounces okay i’m not sure where the water thing is coming from i’m not sure what you were told but that’s like me saying to you
Do all white people eat people no no you don’t that’s crazy jeffrey dahm is white remember him so can’t you see how ignorant that is for me to assume that because one white man like eating people that all white people would eat people can you see where that would come from
What if we said most black people like to do certain things is that better more fair you know i can tell you ladies are the type that will clutch your purse when a black man passes you on the street and that’s racist no you are actually really wrong
Professor davis we are not racist we love most people yes i had a sexual awakening because of a black man i got in it so he was very black ladies because i’m a professor i can’t say and do what i really want to do right now
Because what i don’t want to do is put my black foot up your white asses oh well hello mr roofie are you insane i don’t know if anybody would have roofied anybody would have been you mr 13 shots of tequila i wouldn’t put anything past you look
Yes i have a lot of tequila but it doesn’t mean all of a sudden i am a homo uh last time i checked you haven’t been with a girl pretty much since i’ve known you so so i don’t lower my standards to be with a guy especially not a guy like you
Whoa tama there are plenty of people that were lower their standards to be with a guy like me okay i know how you work i know the gays they like to recruit i’m not gay and i’m not recruiting anybody to be gay no okay i can tell you look at me
You want me i don’t know yeah i want you to do that i want you so bad i can’t i can’t wait i can’t wait to see you naked in the shower again so i can just jump your bones hey steve i can’t believe that we would be racist
And not even know it shake it off because we are not racist you know we love black people i mean come on ever since we were little kids we always wanted black friends am i right just because we’ve always wanted black friends doesn’t mean we’re not racist john
Listen i am going to prove to you that we have not one racist bone in our body okay just watch this excuse me young man can i talk to you for one second over here would you mind holding my handbag thank you excuse me sir for the football could you
Take my purse please okay boys you just hold these for a moment we’re going to be right over there and there are valuables in there yes you heard me i’ll be right back thank you look we’re all the way over here i’m fine i’m fine about it i am not worried that
Is real leather how about that i can’t get over it this is so exciting i have my passport in there oh my word and that lipstick that was 32 lipstick and i love how you look today thank you very much and everything is casual i have no
Desire to turn around and see what’s happening not for a second congratulations you are not racist let’s go thank you very much that was really good well done let me fish in here there you go i didn’t question you for a second thank you pledges online oh boy
Surprise got a little pop quiz for you two okay what year was alpha beta founded 1928. what are our sorority colors blue purple red sir what is our motto we give we learn we be devoted it’s we are devoted right we the ladies of alpha beta challenge you pledges to a date dash
You will have one hour to find a date and bring them back to the alpha beta house how are we going to get a date at 3 a.m i don’t even have any lipstick on girl lipstick or not you couldn’t get a date at 3 p.m that’s why it’s called a challenge
We’re up to 58 minutes ladies i’ll see you at the alpha beta house then yeah black ball busters tell me how many men have you lied to today tell me how many off the top of your brains okay five minutes to spare stark and donuts only place open 24 hours
Yeah we could not find any black boys so we got a mexican and a chinese that should be close enough who said they had to be black well that little piece of information would have been helpful about an hour ago hey hey what’s going on i need to have
Sex with you right now uh oh okay i i have to study this is nice wow this is very nice mr drew um i really can’t do this why what’s wrong i can’t do this what’s going on i don’t think i can tell you if we’re gonna be in a
Relationship you have to feel like you can tell me stuff we’re in a relationship will you just tell me what’s going on okay the other night i had way too much to drink right okay so i wake up the next morning and then there’s somebody
Lying in bed next to me you hooked up with another girl it was abdul are you telling me that you had sex with abdul no i didn’t say that okay it’s just that when we’re making out i just keep thinking about abdul no it not not in like some
Sexual way but just in ways just freaking me out you’re not the only one who’s freaked out right now seriously i’m really freaking out right now we have been doing this for an hour how much longer do we have to do this i can’t feel my vagina yeah are you two ladies
Ready to quit no never we are in it to win it yep i thought you guys didn’t haze your pledges normally we don’t but we have a couple of members that don’t belong and because of them you all have to suffer because they’re too stubborn and too senile to take
A hint can’t bully us bark like a dog all of you do it now okay thank you thank you thanks for the dedication the passion i really enjoy that thanks now look we’ve got less than 24 hours till i have to make the decision of which one of you ladies
Will be joining the alpha beta sorority and tomorrow night’s performance is extremely crucial once our lady business thaws out we are gonna have a spectacular performance that’s right you better watch out cause we are gonna blow your black minds you really move now what am i supposed to do i can’t live here
Oh no man this whole thing just went crazy yeah i’m kidding what’s that from nothingness then we went to the monster truck rally oh yeah we got wasted man oh joke it was awesome i’ve never been to a monster truck they don’t have that in here no then you’re going crazy and those
Gears that was the last night that you and me both hook up with the gear at the same time the only night but it was a good night hey you guys i have the best news okay all right i know what happened to you guys that night
You know i passed out after the party and joan and barry put me to bed well that’s kind of what happened to you right phoebe okay here’s the deal drew you were so drunk that you took off your pants and peed off the roof abdul you were so drunk that you threw
Up all over yourself in the bathroom line including throwing up on a couple of girls then you took off your clothes and continued hitting on them then you guys were playing like slip and slide in your own vomit marnie passed out in your bed abdul so the twins and i
Peeled off the rest of your disgusting clothing and threw you in drew’s bed it was foul we were passed out if you pass out we were just passed out we are not gay we will just pass out we just passed we didn’t do anything you’re just passing now we’re not gay
We didn’t do anything i’m still betting they’re completely gay for each other phoebe look at them sometimes i feel like a motherless child a long way from home here i stand a strong black woman sisterhood oh so warm isn’t it yes all right up next um give it up for barry and joe
Thank you thank you wow here we are happy to be here what a week it’s been a little tricky yeah we’ve had hard times missteps some tricky tasks huh pledge sisters huh girls we did it a b a b and we want to say that we hope that
We have made some friends although we’re not sure but we have learned so much about your culture i think we’re all very much the same we’re all sisters we really feel like we’ve come a long way so thank you thank you for that and we know what you like
We know what you love so we’re going to make you laugh yep because you love the comedy okay here it comes hey how come it’s so hard to keep a black daddy around the children say mammy where papi be oh he be in the back room
But he’s not really he’d be at the police station or he’d be at the airport selling watches he’d be fabricating lies somewhere he’d be murdering his buddy he’s in prison breaking rocks or he’s just shooting hoops yeah what what about skinny white oh them skinny white i like some junk
In the trunk oh make me want to smack it smack that booty jump big thick junk ah big big ow take a bite out of your sweet behind hold the dough hold the dough oh come on you guys i know you think this is funny the black comedian we saw doing this
Stuff totally got big laughs i’m surprised you guys and this is it verbatim so it’s act come on i just can’t believe they wouldn’t let us finish our routine well i’m glad we didn’t get into that sorority after all they were too uptight for us you’re
Right i just can’t believe that you guys even think that you would have gotten into that sorority i mean everything you have done so far and said is so offensive look what you have on your heads i’m serious you really you know what you should put a letter in the school newspaper
Apologizing to the entire african-american community that’s going overboard you don’t get it you’re making a big sweeping generalization and you know what we need people that can hang with us that’s the difference and we were just fitting in and they were threatened hi boys you ready to go
Yeah no doubt let’s make it happen do you mind holding my purse without a question baby thank you you’re just gonna grab my purse damn do you like my job love your junk let’s go eat should we eat greens and cornbread you bet paige isn’t taking her parents divorce
Very well i want to kick this baby up i’m not scared the ladies and her dad get paige off the bar and back on track ian gomez guest star on an all new campus ladies next tuesday night at 11. please take my pillow off of your junk
No no i have to cover it
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