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You are at:Home » Jesus Meets Mary Magdalene’s Pimp – Key & Peele
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Jesus Meets Mary Magdalene’s Pimp – Key & Peele

adminBy adminOctober 25, 2023No Comments3 Mins Read
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♪ ♪ – COME NOW, MARY MAGDALENE. STAND AND BE FORGIVEN FOR YOUR SINS. – BUT, JESUS, HOW CAN I BE FORGIVEN? I’M A PROSTITUTE. – NO, CHILD. YOU WERE A PROSTITUTE. THAT LIFE IS BEHIND YOU NOW. – MARY MAGDALENE! WHERE YOU AT, BITCH? – OH, NO, JESUS.

I THINK IT’S MY PIMP. I THINK HE FOUND ME. – THERE YOU ARE! MAN, TOOK ME FOREVER TO FIND YO ASS! I BEEN LOOKIN’ ALL OVER FOR YOU! YOU KNOW HOW MANY BITCHES NAMED MARY THERE ARE UP IN HERE? NOW GET YOUR ASS IN THAT CARAVAN! – NO!

NO, I’M NOT GOING WITH YOU, GALILEROY. I’M GONNA STAY HERE WITH JESUS. – WHAT THE FLIP IS THIS? YOU WASHING THIS [bleep] FEET? – MAYBE. – WELL, I TAUGHT YOU THAT! I RESCUED YOU FROM THAT FISHING VILLAGE, I CLEANED YOU UP AND GOT YOU OUT TO WORK,

AND NOW THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME? YOU GO OUT AND GET YOURSELF ANOTHER PIMP? HELL, NO, BROTHA, SHE’S MINE. – I DON’T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND. SHE’S NOT GOING WITH YOU. – WELL, I CAN’T AFFORD TO LOSE HER. I ALREADY LOST THREE BITCHES TO LEPROSY, ALL RIGHT?

ALL I GOT LEFT IS MARY, A CRIPPLE, AND TWO BLIND CHICKS, WHO– ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW, THEY GET REQUESTED A LOT. DON’T ASK ME HOW THAT WORKS. – GET OUTTA HERE! I’M NOT GOING WITH YOU, GALILEROY. I’M STAYING HERE WITH JESUS, AND I’M WARNING YOU, JESUS HAS, LIKE, 12 FOLLOWERS.

TELL HIM. – OH, 12? PSSH. OKAY, ALL RIGHT, SO THIS MOTHER[bleep] A SERIOUS PIMP. – NO, MY FRIEND. YOU’RE CONFUSED. IT’S 12 MEN. – UH, WHAT– WHAT, YOU A GAY PIMP? – I’M NOT A PIMP. I’M A CARPENTER. – CARPENTER? [scoffs] THEN WHY DOES YOUR HOUSE LOOK LIKE [bleep]?

– I’VE BEEN BUSY WITH NON-CARPENTRY WORK. – OKAY, THAT’S IT. BITCH, PACK YOUR [bleep]. GET IN THE CARAVAN AND MAKE ME SOME MONEY. – NO! AND I DON’T HAVE ANY STUFF TO PACK. JESUS SAYS WE DON’T NEED THINGS. – WHAT THE– – IS THIS ALL ABOUT MONEY?

– HELL, YEAH, IT’S ALL ABOUT MONEY, BROTHA. – I HAVE A SAYING. IT GOES LIKE THIS. – OH, YOU’RE GONNA LOVE THIS. – SHUT UP. – IT’S EASIER FOR A CAMEL TO PASS THROUGH THE EYE OF A NEEDLE THAN FOR A RICH MAN TO ENTER THE KINGDOM OF GOD.

– WHEW. – OH, YEAH? WELL, I GOT A SAYING TOO. IT’S EAS–YOU KNOW, WHY DON’T YOU PASS YOUR OWN– PASS YOUR ASS THROUGH THE NEED– MAN, [bleep] YOU, MAN. COME ON! – THE GIRL STAYS. – WHAT? [grunts] – OH! [heavenly music plays] ♪ ♪ – MOTHER[bleep], I SLAP YOU,

AND YOU WANT ME TO HIT YOU ON THE OTHER CHEEK? THAT AIN’T GANGSTA. THIS [bleep] IS CRAZY. YOU CAN HAVE HIM. I’M DONE. – WAIT, FRIEND. [opera music plays] SO YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARE NO HARD FEELINGS, WOULD YOU CARE TO JOIN US FOR DINNER? – WHAT Y’ALL HAVIN’?

– [operatic singing] ♪ ♪

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