It’s te time with I let me go grab my cook hello everyone and welcome back to tea time with Uncle twirl where what’s in your mug is your business I’m your host Uncle twirl and we are back again at the wonderful click poop Studios check them out at clickpop
Studio.com for all your branding and marketing visual needs um today’s episode guys is all about friendship how many of us have them friends uh I couldn’t like talk about friendship without having uh this very special guest on the episode um I’m so excited to have you here uh I’m excited to be
Here sipping and spilling with us today I gotta in you spilling yeah because we’re gonna spill we’re gonna dish sipping and spilling with us today is a black football Phenom intention icon say that the baron of baked beans and my best friend Tim Smith y’all give it up from clink clink y’all clink
Clink yes cheers my brother welcome to the welcome to Tea Time thank you for having me thank you for being here uh today we drinking some Moroccan green mint tea um it’s delicious delicious uh how are you thank you so much for being here I’m good I’m a
Little warm it’s Atlanta and the sun can’t decide whether want is go wants to go away or come back but yeah I’m all right I really need fall to fall on in do do your thing it’s been so hot because you know we don’t have ozone
There no more it’s she she she’s gone and so the sun is radioactive and you know I’m lightskinned so it’s is real harsh on us melant deficient folks yeah I’m a little better off yeah got even 10an though you know it’s funny on the way here I was like oh I’m so excited
We’re filming today and then um I got an email about my student loan estimate I don’t know how many of y’all out there are getting these emails about these student loan estimates mine was like $553 a month yeah I said no I’m good I I’m like I was confused when I
Got the email because you know Jesus Paid It All so I don’t really know what you what you need me you want for me to do but like if you out there are also getting these emails and you’re stressed you know just just do what I’m doing I’m
Getting as high as these interest rates I just I don’t have it I don’t and so uh yeah but okay I’m so sound like a ad for better help get you some better help get you some let me tell you those I like how comical most of those are
Because I be watching them I’m like therapy is actually quite hard work so I’m glad y’all easing people into this um but okay before we get into the Friendship breakdown um I have two games that we’re going to play okay okay so the first game is a a card question game
So you have some cards on your end these are random I did not look at all of these before and so we’ll just take turns reading the card um and then responding and I’m Gonna Let You Go first so I I read first yeah do we both
Answer the question or just the other person they are phrase it will be like for you to answer or me to answer you’ll know when you read the card card number one what is something you are sexually attracted to that you are also afraid of H amen yeah
Yeah it’s a curse guys like a I be like man I love these oh my God these is wild I’m afraid I’m this is crazy yeah yeah yeah what about you uh women let me tell you it is wholly enticing the female anatomy especially that of our lovely black sisters hello
But also I can’t figure them out so like things that I can’t figure out often times scare me I was up late one night um and you know when you’re up late one night you be drifting and I had um came across some um train trans porn but they
Were trans men so they you know they they’re men right but you know most of them have Vines and um yeah I don’t know I’m like I was like thaty I was like I’m a little afraid of what this is doing to me these Aesthetics so um yeah I’m afraid of
Men okay let me see what I got oh if you were a cero superhero if you were a superhero what would your three superpowers be three three all right so I’m automatically starting with uh infinite distance teleportation okay it is a super power I’ve always want I can
Go wherever I want and then just like however far I want PL to Planet like Goku doing yes instant you Delta I ain’t got pay for no flights I ain’t gotta go to work got to own a car I would also like to amend that also I
Can transport people with me as well fact infinite numbers of people that’s cuz you’re generous yeah yeah I don’t want to go nowhere alone I don’t like being alone yall um I like the ability to be able to I guess see through walls um or have X-ray vision because you
Knowsy for sure sure and then kind of along kind of in tanding with the x-ray vision superher but yes because if you talking about me I’m a no yeah period I don’t need invulnerability I don’t need super strength I don’t need any of that I want to be like a regular
Guy who be slick with my superpow you don’t know I got them right right very like lowkey right I think I would like to be control the elements like the Avatar you know hope I can blow a my way you know wash him asore be like
Hello I’ve been waiting for you um I think I would love tesis right like all of compass like I can lift things I can fly you know hopefully a little bit telepathy in there like what are these thinking I’m in your brain um that was scared me and I would like to
Be able to like like old boy from the X-Men like survive or adapt survivability so like I was in space you know what I’m saying because space is the New Frontier because n get ready y’all we’re gonna be living on Jupiter um for the whites
I don’t want y’all not going to leave me on ghetto ass Earth ghetto y not going to just leave Elon I’m sneaking onto the spaceship you destroy this planet I’m going with you I’m on the skip um so yeah I think those would be my three okay I think the the
Telepathy uh would terrify me I saw this movie with Tom Holland in it where like all the men their thoughts are like uttered out loud like especially if you have no control right right right right bro no yeah no not that that I’m not in
Control it’s in control of me yeah no no no well even the other way around like sometimes I don’t want to know what’s going on inside somebody’s head because like you might peek behind the blinds and you can’t unsee that yeah now I’m Different right and our relationship is
I’m G ask you a question and then my my my powers are gonna automatically kick in and I’m G automatically listen to your first thought because your first thought’s the real one it is and then you get tactful when you delivery when you answer the question that’s what I do
Right what you got next uh second question what’s something I really need to hear don’t do this I’m about to do it so for those of you who don’t know Tim Timber Liv in like compliment very do not compliment me uh so here’s some things you really need to hear you’re a
Wonderful father you are like the best friend I’m so lucky to have you as like one of my best friends um you are incredibly generous and giving and thoughtful and he will always take time y’all like if you really are like hey this is what I need he will pop up on
You when you don’t ask like I’m going through some things I was going through some things earli this sh this n showed up at my house okay I was in I was in a bad place yeah correct and so like yeah you’re just incredibly generous and don’t think you hear it
Enough and so yeah we giving you your flowers today my brother those some things you need to hear some tissue we going we going to win an Emmy for this one I’m excited typical Scorpio let me tell you water signs y’all be like I feel like your tears are always just on this
They’re right here at any moment yeah mine live right there take nothing a sweet Hallmark commercial will take me let me tell you these publ commercials have been getting a little ridiculous like I I live alone now and like they’d be like hello i’ be like let me turn the to
I don’t okay let me see look me in the eye and tell me something in silence I don’t even know what I want to say okay all right I’m give me give me one second okay all right now we’re gonna test these superpowers let’s see if if they manifested that’s gross
Yuck I want to know what you heard that’ll be um uh we’ll edit that in after in post the T post tea time after tea oh man you took me the last one um oh wait it’s your turn okay sorry no you’re good how am I different than you
Imagined I would be when you first met me or when we first met is what the card says so we met in high school I want to say it was Dr Phelps class it was chemistry AP Chemistry let me tell you I had no business in AP anything okay
I got a D Dr F was like don’t take chemistry when you get to college I said thank you for being a real one thank you for that she gave me a a yeah I definitely didn’t earn it she was like periodic table and I was like where is
That and she was like no baby no that’s not great teacher not kind of table it is um you know you on the football team so I had a preconceived notion about jot I also was closeted at this time so I was I had a natural like fear of like
Just people finding out whatever and so but you were I remember remember like man he’s so different like you were smart which no shade but a lot of them were not um you were really cool cuz you had a girlfriend that you really cared about at the time and I remember
There were you know other people that were in the relationships and you know High School a while like I feel like you and Carrie were like the most because car was very open about like his stuff and you were just like everyone knows it’s my girl don’t try me and so
Yeah they were adventurous okay adventurous and you were so funny on accident word bro you would be saying something I’d be like especially like because your siblings some of them also were there while you were there and those interactions so yeah I think I was like oh he’s he’s not like everyone else
Here even though you could and you were like kind of a chameleon you ran in so many different circles it was very cool yeah I think that was a defense mechanism I think if I would have been more I’ve always had plenty of esteem I think if I would have been more like
Assertive with my stances on things I might have been a bit more alienating but that chameleon was kind of a defense mechanism because I think at that age we all especially myself seek to fit in val for sure for sure high high school’s rough guys yeah I can’t imagine what you
What you pray for the kids y’all um okay how many people do you think I’ve slept with oh uh o wait sleep sleep six or like sleep uh let’s do both because now I’m curious oh the numbers are vastly different vastly um the number of people you have been
You slept with intimately yes uh I would say a dozen that’s 12 that’s 12 right yes I know math a’t M okay okay uh the number of people you’ve fallen asleep next to um I would say about two dozen maybe 30 24 to 30 and say false like it could be like
Somebody needed comfort and if they suppos next to you or it could have been like somebody you were involved with right right and let me tell you something you a real one for saying those the numbers are flipped guys I’ll be out here smashing I do not like to
Sleep next to people that’s facts no fact like I like whoever my future is hey I would like separate rooms I love you we can spend the night it’ll be fun it’ll be like we’re still dating we can like oh I’m G come spend your room but I
Need to sleep alone I just I’m a very light sleeper I don’t like it but uh but let me say I appreciate you a dozen okay the number is low glad I a had that question wo my wife gonna see this uh what do I do that allows you to feel
Most comfortable being yourself and why see give be these questions what is this game I don’t even know if you remember that this is no they’re not sponsoring this um no no no look hit me up afterwards um I don’t know if you remember this there was a
Long time ago I think we were in college there was a conversation we had about shame and how like growing up your mom taught you like not to be a shame not to be shameful you were like um you know if I was gay like that’s not something I
Would be ashamed of like I have very little shame and anyone that knows Tim know that’s true very little shame but I that was something that kind of empowered me I think to be more myself or less afraid because I think a lot of times like you know growing up gay in
Society you hear a lot of stuff about like who you are before even getting a chance to kind of discover who I am and like a lot of people have preny Notions and that can kind of force you to your earlier comment about high school to
Kind of try to fit in or like be as palatable as you people need you to be but you were like no that like I’m I don’t walk around with shame you’re not going to make me feel ashamed I am who I am and yeah uh if I can answer the question as
Well so being that I am a heteronormative six gendered man I sometimes feel uh would feel almost uncomfortable either one being that sounding board for any controversial topic because we are none of us are monolithic or to asking questions about controversial topics especially with people who are part of a community that
May be considered Tabo right so like if I had questionss about the LGBT community I would ask you and you were always very patient and kind and open to answering the questions as best you could and you didn’t make me feel judged about having the ignorance
That I had about the questions because I was genuinely curious about what the answer would be but I didn’t necessarily have people I could go to and ask those questions because I don’t have a lot of close friends that are part of the LGBT
Community but I have a few not a lot who know like as much about me as you know so I think contextually I don’t have to explain things or give a disclaimer so I can just like say the question you be like okay let me think about it and you
Answer the question right and I think in your doing that you made me feel more comfortable doing it myself in other environment so like I grew up very black but we went to George Southern George Southern’s a pwi right it made me a lot more comfortable answering those
Questions on behalf of black people or uh protesting on behalf of black people or standing up for the the person whose voice isn’t in the room and I’m kind of carry that into my career as well I do not mind answering people’s silly questions like if you got a question you
Think it’s probably dumb and you don’t want to ask it in public come ask me I’ll do my best to try to explain it to you in the way that I see it again we’re not monolitic so everybody’s not going to think the way that I think but I try
To be patient with people and I got that from you because I think like how do we learn like some of my favorite teachers they’ be like there are no stupid questions but there are some ridiculous ones and those are my favorite kind one of my favorite she said all the time she
Like there are no stupid questions but there are some ridiculous ones she said that I love those because let’s talk about it she said let’s laugh about it and I kind of feel like a lot of people want allies but you know people aren’t always born that way you know what I’m
Saying sometimes like we have questions and like you kind of have to be able to like talk about it without being afraid that someone’s gonna bite your head off and so thank you for that absolutely okay let’s see if heaven was one moment to be relived over and over what would your Heaven
Be one that’s tough right because if I don’t answer something my wife she be mad okay make sure look I was like this what would your Heaven be um can I do like one and then honorable mention for sure did your go off um my one would be at my wedding uh or
At our wedding my wife wedding she uh during the first dance after she had danced with her father I’m dancing with my mom which are tender moments for both of us I remember my mom whispered in my ear I’m ready to let you go how dare she how dare she now it’s
Years God that’s almost not me I a seen my mama in centuries and she said you she said you’re ready I’m ready to let go and it took me oh it took me and like put my head on her shoulder had like hide from the camera it was about to get water
Working uh honorable mention would be our freshman year we spent a lot of time in Eagle Village uh 223 yeah a lot of time in that room um and I remember is one occasion we had been like talking about something or a number of things and I remember looking up and seeing the
Sun coming through the blinds I’m like do we talk all night all night it was like four or five of us in there and we were just sitting around talking about a number of topics and the sun it I had lost I had never lost track of time like
That the sun was coming up I think it was a school night in the oh it’s always a school night in college guys do do your homework uh but like that was like I know I’m so comfortable with these people that I completely disengage all my defenses and just like be here in
The moment and talk about whatever the thing is and share openly like it is hard again not M it’s hard for me as a black man to let down all my defenses especially especially today it was easier 15 years ago but especially today for sure and to be around people where
You feel like you can be utterly offguard is a feeling that’s hard to explain for sure let dop very good your turn all right here we go what do you think you were born to do but aren’t doing I would love to hear this answer oh that’s tough I feel like
That’s the heaven question let’s see something I think I was born to do just in general I think is bring humor light you know to situations like you know I I take very few things very seriously you know we we laugh inappropriate things all the time way
Too inap a liot y’all don’t tell me nothing serious I’m probably G to laugh first it’s just how I process things I don’t think what I’m doing right now is maybe stand up is that a sign Lord uh is like stand up or writing like comedic writing or like
Uh I also to be honest I have this fantasy where like I think I should be curating Talent like either the person that finds talents for shows or like Works in some kind ofr like I can recognize like you have something yeah like you have like you have a gift and
Then sometimes I don’t think always people see that and so yeah maybe something like that okay yeah I hear it yeah okay let’s see this is my last question what is the strongest common value of ours that connects us Um I’m trying to find new words to explain I can give you a definition but I’m trying to find like the word um it may be easier if I explain it I don’t think we taking like no like don’t don’t bring me no like if you going to lie well if you’re
Not going to lie well don’t lie to me I’m on know pretty much immediately and save us both some time and take that elsewhere whether you my closest friend or my biggest enemy like don’t if you come on I need a little bit of gen uh sincerity right or some
Authenticity right that’s what it is it’s like be authentic I I I think we quickly recognize when people are being inauthentic like okay and we might we might play along let’s play along and do the thing let’s go through the exercise but I’m like all right got it right I
Like that for very No Nonsense over here we’re very unserious but we don’t play yeah I’m G laugh at you we can Kik all day but I know you for sure okay what’s your last one what is it tell me three moments that changed your life the military I feel like it’s just
Like an all-encompassing moment just that whole that whole period of Life 20 to 26 that changed me significantly um when someone outed you to me and outed me to you outed me to you when I was outed by someone they told you my business that’s fact um and
You responded so that I was different Earth shattered no I was different because I think a lot of people in the closet or like whatever like you know it’s a natural regression like growing up whatever you reveal parts of your identity to people sometimes you lose people like especially when you’re gay
And I it was our freshman year I had not really I had not told that many people and these is one of the people that I had told and she had told her and I was like why would you do that and I remember I was like devastated and you
Were like first of all I don’t care so that’s not a big deal second you should have not been the one to tell me that he shouldn’t been to tell me that and I was like it’s not a big deal and I was like it’s not a big deal it ain’t a
Big deal and like yeah I was different like that changed me and then oh a third one uh I think your first heartbreak always changes you oh like first real heartbreak like I’m not you know and I think you can have several but like you know like because I had you know High
School heartbreak and then like college heartbreak but I like in my adult life I’ve only had one truth earlyer this year yeah yeah I was different I was I hear Welling in the streets it was me I was Welling and um but it to where I am now it has changed
Me so vastly like for the better like I am kind of grateful for it like honestly shout out to heartbreak um because when things break you can kind of rebuild them and reshape them or throw them out repurpose them yeah broken is not always a bad thing so yeah I would say brok
Crayon still color Hello don’t don’t they and as y’all can see I’m colorful okay I’m coughing okay so that was the first like I I got to keep it moving okay so this is going to be a really fun game this is something me and my producer
Shout out to Trisha we came up with this game is called Ally or op okay because a lot of people they be like you know I have a gay friend I got a black friend I I I have women friends but are you an ally okay or is you really the
Opposition okay so for this game I’m G to show you pictures of queer icons and you’re gonna tell me if you know who they are okay um so this should be fun okay we’re gonna start with the first one do you know this queer icon oh my
God you being p i y’all I didn’t sorry I don’t even know how that got in there whoa that was not whoa let me let me go to another file T Twi whoa I’m sorry y’all technical difficulties okay I’m back yeah do you know who this
Is is that mother R okay R RuPaul okay drag icon Mogul yeah yeah p very good Ally you get an ally Point uh do you know who this is I do not this is bar Rustin okay um he was a gay black civil rights leader
He fought a lot for like black rights uh gay rights he organized the march to Washington which eventually paved the road for the Civil Rights Movement a lot of people don’t know about him because Bay Austin Bayard R okay they’re doing a Netflix documentary movie about him um
Coleman Domingo is playing him another black queer actor right and so I’m really excited for people to get to like know more about him he’s one of my heroes because people did not really with him because he was gay and literally Martin Luther King was like
This my man he’s my right hand man yeah and he was behind the scenes really organizing a lot of stuff and so shout out to him op okay do you know who this is yes who Jam B okay icon right literary God a poet playright just often misquoted but the
Version I like is misquoted um to be even semiconscious in black and America to be filled with a constant state of Rage for sure when you know what’s going on and you can’t do nothing about it you like bro what you want me to do that’s why I’m getting high as these interest
Rates right up period okay come on Ally yeah for sure do you know who this is I do not this is TS Madison trans icon tson yes trans icon uh Social Media Master actress uh yeah a really big deal very funny um has been doing a lot of
Work for transvisibility for years and so uh shout out to TS okay do you know who this is I do that this is Janet Mack have you ever heard of the show pose yeah yeah so she was one of the producers Ryan Murphy created it um she was the first um trans
Woman to ever be a writer um in any kind of television series she’s also the first trans wom to ever direct any television episode in history and so uh she’s another trans activist icon shout out to Janet Janet we we need another pose baby mock like who you mocking yeah uh Janet
I hope you’re well we need another show baby come on uh last but not least do you know who this is no this is Alice Walker I know it was look I was like for real yeah I knew it was Alice look I thought you wanted to
Do the thing I did not okay these are your points not mine my bad but yeah Alice Walker icon you know The Color Purple she’s pullet Sur prizing winning uh and I’m very excited because you know they’re doing the musical adaptation into film it comes out this Christmas oh
Yeah yeah yeah yeah I cannot wait for those of you who haven’t seen the color purple come on y’all do better I’ve seen it somewh to have you ever read the book I have not I feel like it would be too graphic for me yeah like I heard the book is quite graphic
Because there’s like a in the play the musical they uh talk more about cely that but cely and um suge’s lesbian relation they were in Rel right they like travel the world and stuff together and like kind of like the first time they lost their virginity just like
Stuff like that um that of course they were not gonna put in the movie uh back when Stephen Spielberg was doing it but uh yeah look I guess the song Mak s now Sister you oh okay hello sister we’re two of a kind okay she said baby I see
You and I want you period but yeah that was Ally and op get hey you more of an ally than an OP we with that yeah yeah yeah I’m the ones I don’t know actually I actually want want to know about more about beard be uhuh I’m very
Excited that like let me tell you that Netflix movie I saw the trailer it looks really good I think it’s G to be great and it’s time that like he really gets his you know his props right okay so we’re about to get into the Friendship
Segment the reason I wanted to do this episode one selfishly I wanted to have something recorded having conversations with like my best friend just I don’t think we do a good job of like recording enough audio or visual like memories are just history like I wish that I would
Have took time to record conversations with my grandparents or like even like my dad and my mom um just to kind of like have that stuff where like you know if you know kids or whoever like they have questions or these are people they
Never got to meet or see or hear it just is different it’s a different experience and so selfishly I wanted to record with you just whatever but also I don’t think we talk enough about like blackmail friendship the importance and impact that have in our lives and um I know um
We’ve each like impacted and influenced each other in a various different ways like you’ve really helped me become the wonderful human being I think I am today um and so that was like the Catalyst for the conversation but I want to go back I know we talked about like we met in high
School but I want to go back even further so you come from a big family huge um I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know like your family pleasure your family is amazing his family is the um but you know like growing up our siblings are typically of our first
Friends first enemies first everything and so I’m curious to know what are some things your siblings taught you about friendship it doesn’t look any one way um we are eily similar but vastly different at the same time so like our interests are similar but also we have wildly different interests as well and
So like talking to my siblings or listening to my siblings or even just watching them from a far it changed the way I would approach different interactions I would have in my own personal life uh so the way it taught me how to be a friend was to be a good
Listener the way it taught me how to be a friend was to take up for people that you care about the way it taught me how to be a friend was to be the person who can lead among people but lead from within them as well and you um you have
Six siblings yes and it’s uh two girls and four boys I’m Ming today and he’s not good at M let me tell you y’all unless it’s my account hello um I can count zeros and so I was curious like I want to talk a little bit about Brotherhood right like
You’re in a fraternity you know but you also like have been a brother have brothers how has brotherhood like either correlated or like played impact into like friendship or like how you view like male friendships or like you know men in general uh I’d say I treat my male
Friends like my brothers like I don’t really draw a distinction between the two the same way I would go to B for my siblings I’m going go to B for my male friends as well the same way I’m going try my best to support any Endeavors that they’re pursuing or support them
When they’re in need I’m gonna do that for my brothers I’m gonna do that for my male friends as well so I don’t have a lot of friends right people I call friend I’m G do you call me I’m not asking no questions where we where we
Going right but I treat them exactly like I treat my brothers and it’s because I want them to feel that level of connection that uh because by default my blood’s my blood right but I want my male friends to feel the same way like now it don’t matter if I call to he
Coming no and that’s on period um I also want to talk a little bit about because I think it’s kind of rare um one having these conversations I don’t see a lot of you know I’ve seen like different podcasts and different shows or like men have conversations but sometimes it’s
Not always rooted in like an authenticity between gay and straight men right and we have like a real friendship that’s not candery that’s not like based off some kind of like business or like where like there’s another benefit outside of like really just friendship um and I think that’s
Really rare I think it’s really cool actually um what are some things that you believed about gay people before meeting me oh God versus we met in 2005 right no but but I think it’s important to talk about the evolution because like growing pains are like very important to
Like any to Evolution but to relationships like all relationships go through growing pain we know we’ve had ours absolutely and so I’m just very curious to think like you know what were some things that you believed about my community before um that you don’t believe now or like that are different
Yeah yeah shout out the girl um I thought all gay people or specifically the gay men are gay people either or just in general I thought all gay people were attracted to everybody of the same sex right they weren’t as Discerning or picky as the the the the uh heterosexuals around
Right like that which is just it’s ridiculous let me tell you Ric we’re pickier way pickier and way pettier pick um the only see some of this exposure right because like the only gay people that went to our school who were out were very AFF effeminate for sure and I
Don’t I don’t even know if they believe themselves to have a female’s Identity or they thought because I interested in men I need to present as a woman right and so like I thought all gay men were also very effem um uh I I thought it was gross but only
Because I couldn’t imagine kissing somebody and feeling hair yeah like feel like it’s disg chin whiskers disgusting or like lip whiskers and then I kissed a girl who had a s I was about to say hello first of all look shout out to our hairy people
Okay uh uh and I was like I mean it’s it’s sa yeah um I think that was it the crazy thing is because because I don’t like to judge people I just have ignorance right or had ignorance in that regard it wasn’t even like I really cared what they had gone because like
The girl I did in high school she was on a dance team with those same guys and I didn’t treat them any differently than I treat anybody else right uh now I will say back then I might not been might not have been as quick to come to their aid
Had someone been like uh bullying them but also one of them stronger than strong as most of the guys in the school hello like stronger than most of the guys in the school we’ll beat your ass okay uh but I might not have been as apt or quick to like go to
Their a we also weren’t friends like that so and and I want to because you mentioned some really like ENT things about exposure because even like so when we were in high school um two of the guys that were you know openly gay were more feminine like sometimes they would
Wear purses or wigs or like you know dressed in a way that people deem like feminine mhm and I think for me even I I didn’t think I was gay in high school because you know we didn’t have as many like points of references as now like you can turn
There more TV shows and we’re icons especially for black gay people or like terance people people in the community of color and so I was like well I am not the most masculine on I need to get my mask y’all water oh that seing it’s coming back up oh my
Th they gon be like this my sorry y’all should have got the throat coat oh my God let me tell that Throat Coat let if y’all know about that throat we know they also not paying for this hold on I’m not I’m not plugging
Y’all um but I do think a lot of it is like lack of exposure because I remember thinking like well I ain’t gay I just don’t like girls so maybe something’s wrong with me it almost like made me feel a little more isolated because I think understanding that it’s a spectrum
And having exposure of all different kinds of people to your point earlier we’re not a monolith is important because even I was like well I don’t I felt even more alone I think in high school because I was like I’m not like them but you I’m definitely not straight
So I don’t know what’s you know going on and so I’m I’m very grateful for the exposure and also shout out to F gab like man I think sometimes our community they get a lot of flat but to be honest like if you are someone not necessarily
Trying to hide but it’s easy for you to blend in with mainstream Society it’s harder for people who can’t blend in like I can’t help that I have a list or that this is how I come across or I have more feminine energy because feminine
Energy is divine right I think a lot of it goes back to we really should talk about like the negative hyper masculinity like how a lot of y’all really hate anything that’s feminine or other because you just don’t want to see a man doing that but I’m like there’s
Nothing wrong with it in the grand scheme really because women are wonderful men are wonderful and so shout out to y’all um can I pause you real quick uh even to that point uh I have straight male friends were married happily married for Years love their wives they’re they have very high
Feminine energy I’m like okay it’s nothing different than any other homeboy they dap the same way they do the same they have the same interest I have they just a bit more femin they pay a lot more particular attention to their Aesthetics right it’s not a correlation with sexual orientation right for sure
Right right right they made me more uh hyper aware of some of them I’m like I need to make sure these cuticles cuz let me tell you some of y’all need a gay friend some of y’all walk around here just BBE just lip chap just basic stuff do
Get a manicure and a pedicure Knuckles okay you biscuit feet right you trying to you know finger your girl your damn like that poor woman her poor labia lives [Laughter] matter um so like growing pains like so even me you I know one time we were at Tana a
Garage and uh we had been friends a long time like because in college there was a black student Alliance and there was a comment made that like you know AIDS was the gay person’s disease and people were going off y’all it was this is 2006 just
You know we grown but it was terrible and I remember like I think I changed my Facebook profile to like the middle finger and I was like don’t talk to me if I haven’t told you otherwise and you were even really cool about that you were like that wasn’t cool like I
Remember you were one of the only people that stood I’m like y’all that come on and so that was wonderful but I remember when we were leaving T Tiana garage and I think you were either going to propose or we were just talking about marriage or whatever and
Then um I was like uh you know can’t wait till I get mared he was like yeah yeah you know uh I can’t come to that though y like I don’t I don’t I love you I don’t support that and I think that was like a big like growing
Moment for like both of us because I was like I was like that’s up and and I you know I don’t support everything that every do like I I was like oh my gosh like and I think it’s funny moments like that I try to tell people don’t run
From adversity or moments like that because I remember you said um you went you had a conversation with your mom afterwards kind of really made you think about do I even really believe what I’m saying are these things that I was taught and made to feel like these are
My feelings but they’re not really mine you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah um I remember saying it I remember watching two of your faces changed I’m like two of my because I’m two face you and somebody else’s faces both like it it dropped I was I remember like thinking
In my head I really just hurt my friend because you’ve had reactions to things before but like you had never had that kind of reaction to anything I had said or done before and to see that reaction I was like oh I hurt him unintentionally right based on some antiqued thought
That wasn’t even my own and the crazy thing in that moment that’s when I think that might have been one of the first times I can vividly recall introspection like talking to my mom about it my mom I’m grew up in Georgia like we churched hello we at church every Sunday South
Man okay Bible belting it up hello uh kic and I remember her like saying like well how do you actually feel about it and I was like blah blah blah blah blah I say she’s like no no no I’m not saying what I said or what a preacher said or
What a teacher said or coach said or a mentor said counselor said friend said how do you feel about it right and like to have my world stopped like that like stop espousing the opinions of people that you grew up around stop espousing the opinions of adults that were pouring
Into Your Vessel and not serly with fruitful information right how do you feel about it right right tell me how you feel about it right right and she was asking rhetorically but right but I think it’s important to like because I think we all get to a point like you
Know as we’re like growing and evolving and changing like there’s a lot of things that we’re taught like things that I was taught growing up about myself that I had to unlearn you know what I’m saying things that like are regurgitated and forced into you and you
Start to believe in it’s like actually I don’t feel this way I don’t actually believe these things and I think that kind of introspection to your point is really dope I think even because we talked about it afterwards and you know we’ve had this conversation but I was
Like I think I learned even in that moment like a lot about introspection and like even things that like I believe or like even to be honest like why did that why did that make you mad or like why did that you know and so um thank
You for that absolutely real talk thank you for being understanding even coming back to like it’s able to talk about right because like you could have been like I’m dtim like I don’t know what the you you ain’t coming to my who knows I’m getting married I’m still
Single who knows this this is on the garage been close you know what I’m saying but I think like you know I think a lot of people don’t really give it there for a drag show was it just dinner or was it was just dinner I had never
Been to I heard they had drag shows there but I never been to one sadly I won’t be but U like I think that not enough of us give people in our lives room to like grow and to like change Grace or just like the opportunity to
Like Express them or whatever and like a lot of friendships and relationships that could last or could get to a place where like they are more fruitful more you don’t give your people the opportunity to be human right um so period um but with that in regards I
Wanted to ask you because you you’re such a phenomenal friend that’s right what do you think are the keys to maintaining long-term friendships because at this point we’ve been friends 30 years feel like because what you 50 we say for now all right um um maintaining long-term friendship so I
Think it does start with Grace right because like one thing that’s inevitable about about people is that we’re going to change right maybe a lot of our foundational characteristics and attributes are going to remain the same throughout time but like our interest may change the things that wake us up in
The morning our motivations may change uh the things that we want to do with our lives may change all that stuff may change but like fundamentally being consistent in that way like in your in your foundation but also offering somebody the grace to be able to say I don’t really like black no
More I want to wear yellow more or I want to wear gray more or I want to wear white the the opposite right um like so I think if you really want to maintain a friendship you got to offer Grace and even in times when you were really mad
You were still offering me Grace and that’s one of the things I really appreciate about you and again learned from you that even when you o like Furious Grace it’s fny y’all can’t see now uh owner of clickpop 2.com she’s in the back filming but we were talking
Earlier about um giving people the opportunity to grow in your friendships to like learn grace through stuff like that is really important and um primarily Who Are You When You’re Mad what kind of person are you when you’re upset um we were talking about partnership you know when people out
Here looking for partners friend you know any kind of relationship who are you when you’re at your worst says a lot about who you are period And so um period thank you for that uh um I think another thing that’s really important for long-term friendship is a almost a
Bit of stubbornness like I remember telling you you can’t get rid of me at this point like for sure you can stop being my friend that’s fine I’m still your friend I’m your friend though I’m G still be around I know all your dates I know your social calendar I’ll be here
It’s facts um but like almost almost like a stubbornness about this is a relationship I’m going to maintain because it yeah selfishly it it it benefits me to have a friend who’s able to speak into my life like that because it’s crazy because I know your idiosyncracies when you about to insult
Somebody I also know when you’re uh getting ready to like uh withdraw uh like there was a time where if Warren said you know what’s funny uh you might as well buckle up because this going to be ugly ugly he hang it up he going to come
For the neck like just ear to ear uh or then like if you would do this that that was your silent signal that you were getting ready to withdraw right cuz like you were literally taking a back I was like oh my gosh you’ve shocked me it’s
Rare but that’s the thing I have very rarely seen you shocked that’s fact so if I I gotta go yeah because what’s next I don’t have any control over it I’m out of here guys uh so almost a bit of stubbornness when it comes to the relationship offering them Grace uh but
Also again that authenticity the ability to kind of like be myself or even offer the space to a lot of people to be themselves and then for the person to not only offer it or not only receive it but return it in kind if that’s the kind
Of vibe you have with somebody that’s a friendship like that’s a real friendship for sure because again I saying it earlier like I can like all the way guard down like guard all the way down and I know anything that I would be willing to do for you you returning in
Kind and I think one of the more important characteristics of a of a lasting friendship is not to keep a ledger don’t keep a ledger about what’s paid and what’s owed like if if I get dinner the first time I may get din next
Time I’m not I got in the last time you owe me the internet keeping lger for those things because it may not get repaid in a fiscal way it may get paid back in emotional support he make it payback in advice it may it payback a thousand different ways like reciprocity
Is not linear right yeah yeah right it actually it’s quite circular in my opinion like it’s there’s no one point there’s only there’s no one way to return my generosity facts and you real stubborn about trying to return generosity be like bro it’s fine like it’s fine I’m fine take that and ride
With it right right you get me you’ll get me in on this going around when I’m like War I need talk you like all right I’m listening hello welcome no for sure thank you yeah for sure um so this is the last question I ask everybody that’s
On the show okay uh what is something you would like me to ask the next person that’s on the show what’s a question or something you would like for me to ask them uh so it’s kind of funny because it plays into a lot of what we’ve already
Talked about today uh I think the easiest way to get to know somebody where they’re at today or to see how introspective they’ve been in their adulthood can we be friends it’s really my can we be friends question is to ask them what’s something that you believed
Were taught or subscribed to when you were younger that you no longer subscribed to like you took the time to think about how you actually felt about it and like that’s that ain’t it okay so how do I actually feel about it and say that thing out loud like that even you
Can maybe they want it to be multiple things maybe they want it to be one thing but like say that thing because again parents siblings preachers teachers mentors coaches counselors everybody’s pouring into you for so long that sometimes their their noise drowns out the sound of your own voice and you
Don’t know what your voice sounds like hello so find your voice and answer the question and I think also really dope question but also that’s a good way to measure growth you know sometimes growth is not always something that we can tangibly measure we think about it but I
Think it is important sometimes to identify look how much I’ve grown look at where I’ve come from like a lot of us are just hustling head down tunnel vision it’s very rare and then some we don’t allow ourselves to go I’m proud of me I’ve made it from point A to point
You know and so yeah that’s doe uh it also illustrates to me the ability to think critically and when I say critically I mean like to assess something that was told to you and be like that don’t even make sense or even if it’s a matter of opinion because
There’s no such thing as a wrong opinion just different opinion different for sure uh like okay that’s how you feel about it but that is not how I about it and I feel like there are so many people in the world today who hear someone else’s opinion especially somebody they
Look up to and they automatically adopt that that position and bro or sis do you actually feel that way for sure like do you actually feel like this do you actually believe this or are you just espousing the words you heard on your favorite radio show or your favorite
Podcast or your favorite News Network you just repeating the things you heard are you regurgitating talking points no for sure like do do you even listen it do you hear you know what I’m saying you know that’s real so before we get out of here work you know we I’m in the season
Of giving people their flowers and so I have some things for you uh to thank you for one your impact uh your friendship um all the beautiful ways that you have like thank you so much help me to like grow and change and evolve and not purple become a hell you
Know it’s my S like become just a better person and uh yeah you know I didn’t want to give you actual flers you know they’d be dying I feel like you might enjoy these more so uh this is for you shout out to you thank you so much look
Come on I got to open it on ear no you don’t okay cool at all um but yeah no I really thank you so much for coming to tea time I have really enjoyed this conversation I hope you all have enjoyed this conversation um and as always
Remember feel free to Spill the tea but don’t be messy bye y’all oh hold on sorry if the people want to reach out to you now he best friend is cool okay he ain’t no more best friend applications but if the people want to hit you up for
Some of your sagely wisdom your intention Insight because he is really great about intention uh where can the people find you uh I actually really only have one social media account I’m on Instagram at original Tim and the only thing on my profile is my R number one be intentional facts he’s also
Married and he has kids so all you thirsty hoes no well even to that point for those of you who aren’t thirsty but want to know more about my life if you want to see my kids you have to follow my wife because I don’t post like ever
I’ll repost her stuff in my story sometimes but I don’t really post period so first bucket stay out of there um you can find me at Uncle tal on all platforms thank you all so much for joining us for tea time see you next time yay
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