Um welcome everyone to the second session about the prophet YF as I kind of warned you in the beginning it’s going to be a lot of sessions in which we’re talking about Alam and his brother and his fathers and The Strife between the family the division and how they come together and
As you know Allah subhanahu waala describes this as this is the best and most beautiful of stories this is a story that had never been related in the past right so it was not like the other stories about ibraim that they had heard before or
That had appeared um in the in the T in the Hebrew Bible or any other source so it was something that was different and something that was new as we know um y had 12 children right and so there were two there two wives there’s the 10
Children with the first wife and there’s two children with the second wife and as you know the second wife had many years in which she didn’t have any child well specifically we know that she didn’t have any boy perhaps she didn’t have any child and so she had prayed to Allah
Subhanahu wa ta’ala that she’d be able to have a child and then finally she had a child and then with binyamin according to the Jewish sources she passed away while delivering binyamin whether it was at that moment or a little bit later what we know is at the time in which the
Quran is depicting that conversation between Yousef and his father most likely the mother is has passed away and is not present and not there now the last time that we met we talked about the dream of yuam we went into great detail into the dream of YF and the
Dream of the messenger Sall alai wasallam that’s described inah Alat that the culmination of the dream of the messenger Muhammad sallallah alaihi wasallam is also the realization let me just make sure everybody was paying attention it’s the realization of two prophets dreams who are they ibraim and and the prophet Muhammad wasallam
He’s realizing the dream of yuam so there are three prophet’s dreams that are mentioned in the Quran only and these are the same ones that all three became true in a single moment which is when the prophet sallallah alaih wasallam performed the Hajj and mecah was open right so this is
Basically a singular moment so as you know he’s excited he comes to his father Allah subhana T I think in the fourth Ayah of Surah yusf is very easy to follow along because we’re going linearly now we’re just following along with the Surah he says If remember when Joseph said to his father oh my dear father indeed I have dreamed of 11 stars and the Sun and the Moon I saw them prostrating to me so speaking to his father informing him of this stra Vision he’s concerned he knows that it’s significant he knows it’s
Important he Converses to his father with a lot of love and a lot of respect and there’s something strange about this dream because he’s seeing 11 Stars so stars are only visible in the night time right but then he says I also saw in the
Same vision I saw the sun and the moon right and also the order strange because he said I saw 11 stars and the Moon that would make sense but as soon as you mention the daytime the Sun so then it’s strange to have that order to have 11
Stars the Sun and then the moon so it’s obviously not about astronomy this is not an astrological event and it indicates that yfam already understands the significance and you know you don’t have to be a rocket scientist how many how many brothers does he have he has 11
Brothers he’s seeing a dream of 11 Stars so he must have figured it out that this is about my siblings and my parents as the sun and the moon and as we mentioned last time stars for the night are a source of beauty right so we talked about the relationship between
Siblings that stars are exist independently of each other but they can accentuate and beautify your life but a person needs the Sun and needs the moon for benefit right and so that’s shows that there’s a different dynamic between a child and parent now of course this is
Not happening in a vacuum there’s a very important context that’s happening which is that his brothers are very jealous and 10 of them are older and one is younger now there’s a lot of commentary about this and then of course you have the Muslim popular culture so there is a very common
Perception that yousef’s Brothers must have felt that way why why do people many people say that yousef’s brothers were jealous because but in you know because the father preferred him over the others exactly that’s right so of course uh I mean of course it’s possible that uh you know because these
10 brothers are from a different mother and then the two younger ones I mean of course this is going to affect the dynamic right there the 10 of them are going to that we are our own group right we we’re all in one pack we’re all together
But at the heart of it they felt that there was favoritism right and a lot of Muslims have read that into the Surah right even when you read the story books that talk about the stories of the prophets you see that there’s a perception that Y Must Have favored Yousef or preferred
Him over the others but this cannot be the this can’t be the truth because Yak being a prophet at least in outward matters he must have treated them all the same he must have been Equitable and we see that in the next Ayah the wisdom and the love and respect that comes from
The father he Says he says that oh my dear Son do not relate your vision to your brothers that is how he be he doesn’t get to anything else very direct very clear he says don’t relate don’t repeat this don’t tell them your vision to your brothers so instead of telling us oh don’t worry whatever it’s just a dream that’s how a
Lot of parents would respond y explains very simply and very clearly to his son that this was a significant event that it does mean something but you should be cautious you should be aware that not everybody in life is always going to want your best interest we going to get
To that in a minute and he explains why or they will devise a plot against you where didan enter to the equation he’s talking about the dream then the father brings up well be careful you have these brothers then suddenly he explains why he has to be cautious
That surely Satan is a sworn enemy to mankind so let’s go through this he opens up by addressing his son as y now normally when you say yah right so what kind of expression is yah in English we translate it as oh but the meaning is kind of
Lost so dear well we get to dear when we get to buai but yah why do we say yah it means that we’re calling somebody so you say yeah is you know when you say we we we’re going to Medina inshallah in December when we enter the
First thing we do is even I think I I take the opinion that it takes precedent over even we enter into the first thing we do is we say to the prophet right so it’s a kind of that we’re calling the messenger sallallah alaihi wasallam which is the Sunnah and
Which is which we were instructed to do so yah is oh when you’re calling right so as you know you’re only going to call someone who’s alive um so in this case the first one he’s calling his father because they’re not in conversation yet right so similarly when ibraim has the
Dream uh so he says to his son he calls his son because he wants to converse with him here Yousef is wants to converse with his father so he says it makes sense because you’re going to call somebody who’s not there this yah stands out why they’re already sitting together
They are already talking what is the need for y and then after this n then he says so he already knows who’s he talking to why does he need to say oh my dear son so that means that in this case he’s not calling him because they’re not in
Conversation he’s not specifying who he’s speaking to in order to clarify who the M who is being addressed is the reason he’s using that form which is which is the the dimin form right which is a very like fond a very cute way of addressing a person that oh my young son
Oh my dear son it is an expression of love and respect so he’s adding that into the conversation when he can just get right into it there’s no need to to get his attention this is to show the importance of what he’s about about to say that’s
Why he says it otherwise he doesn’t need to so he says so it’s as if he’s saying something that’s a little bit bitter right so he say oh my dear son you know we we can’t do that today right so he’s he’s he’s kind of letting
Him down or instructing him not to do something so he says oh my dear son what I’m telling you is coming from a place of Love okay and it indicates the tone and sometimes it’s very hard to understand tone because we’re not listening to the conversation we’re
We’re just hearing the words so we don’t know is how is it being said but when we hear so we understand immediately that the tone is coming from a place of authority it and also coming from a place of love right and so this indicates to us
Before we even get to what the advice is the amount of respect and honor that should exist within people right somebody might argue because you know in a lot of uh Eastern cultures especially so children are expected to show lots of respect towards their parents right but it’s one side
Right so we expect that that he’s going to say oh my dear father so it doesn’t Stand Out It’s Not Unusual right but usually when parents are talking to their children they use a very informal tone they use a very informal style of language but here we see that that’s not
What y does and we see that with the prophet Sall the kind the way in which he was formal and the way in which he would go out of his way how was he with fa how was he with his daughter what would he do when she would come and
Visit then he would come to the door and he would hold her hand and he would walk back to where he was sitting and he would have her sit first in the exact spot that he was sitting before and then he would sit next to her and
Her and then when the prophet would visit her as you know they her and Ali they were on the if if you go with us inshallah in the Arma trip I’ll show you where their house used to be it’s where B is right in the back part of
Where the is that’s where their house was the prophet’s house this is all right this is not a trick question this is an easy one where’s the house of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam and if you go in Med where’s that it’s exactly where he is buried so everybody knows that so their
House is right there if he were to visit her then she would do exactly the same thing and come and receive him at the door and she would hold his hand and they would repeat that kind of formality why because that was their that was their thing that was their way of
Showing their love and affection for each other right and that’s why the prophet said that the best of you are those that are the best to their families and I am the best to my family but as you know people have a very hard time you know they say thank you to like
Every stranger they meet right please thank you excuse me but with their family members they take it for granted and often times we’re the rudest with the people that deserve the most love and affection from us now there’s another thing that we have to talk about in the way that Y is
Handling the tension that he knows exists within his children so we’re going to focus mostly on parenting today right there is a perception that children need tough love right the idea is that that tough parenting and discipline is what is going to yield strong and resilient children so you
Know if you’re too loving and too nice the fear is that the children are going to be soft right especially as men we tend to think that way right it’s not only a gender thing but I’ve noticed that it’s more common among men right this is just my own perception right
That we will we have to be tough because life is going to be tough so let’s let’s prepare them for that but when we think about this parenting style and everything we know about usf’s life then we quickly come to the realization that that’s not true Yousef was tough enough to face all
Of life’s challenges basically being enslaved can you imagine the mental anguish of being in the bottom of a well thinking that that’s where you’re going to die he must have been physically injured too nobody ever talks about that and then he gets basically kidnapped right and then he sold for just just for
A few they just sold him for like a few bucks didn’t even take it seriously right and then somebody wants to claim him as as his own child that’s you know and then after that but he already has a family so just imagine all of the emotions and feeling that he’s going
Through then being wrongly imprisoned your morality and your reputation has been imputed and then now you’re stuck with hardened criminals and how he handles himself in jail does he needs to does he need to be tough in order to be in prison he does to speak confidently in front of the king
Yfam handles himself in all of life situations so it shows that having a loving upbringing prepares you for challenges and difficulties better than having a very cold and tough upbringing contrary to what many of us think that it’s important important to be nurtured and empowered
So let’s draw a little bit on what the social science is saying and we take everything with a grain of salt and we draw on the example of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam really as the primary source but what we see from a lot of the social science is the idea that every
Child has an emotional tank right they call it an emotional love tank that has to be filled and so children Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala has created children in such a way that from the moment that they are born they seek out secure attachment and those that have had a
Newborn baby you know exactly what I’m talking about where from the very first moment they will recognize they recognize their mother actually from the smell of their their mother right from the very beginning they recognize their father usually not by the smell but by the sound of the
Voice that’s right by the voice because they even their their eyesight is very you know isn’t very good in the very first couple of weeks and then it becomes better and then even when it becomes better it’s mostly black and white right in the first few weeks of
Life but they recognize the voice of the father having heard it um while being in the womb and so they automatically attach to certain individuals that they are familiar with they seek that secure attachment and we see this when when the prophet sallallah alaihi was was kissing
His grandchild and he was with the ban man what did the bedan man say because you know their culture is very rough and tough and you know very masculine you know a little bit toxic masculine so he starts kissing his grandson and what does the man say he said I have 10
Children he says I’ve never kissed any one of them and the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said what can I say to somebody who Mercy has been lifted from right it’s not that you have to do it but what can I do to you if if you
Don’t want to express that if you don’t feel that kind of love and mercy towards children what what can I do for you you’re completely turned off you’re disconnected right that’s something which which is unnatural right we saw the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam when he’s in his Salah and his granddaughter
Umama right uh um is is playing this is a mercy this Hadith is a mercy for us right we mentioned it in the month of Ramadan you know we have some parents that uh want to they have babies they want to pray downstairs or in the cafe
And they have their babies with them and we tell them that you can hold them carry them when you’re praying then you the prophet put her down then he picked her up again while he was praying otherwise if we didn’t have this evidence then what would we say we would
Say well you don’t need to bring your kids to them the mid but we know that the prophet did so right so that shows his love and affection towards children we saw how he took alassan and embraced him and made Dua for him how when ibraim as you know ibraim passed away right
When he was when he was a baby how the prophet sallallah wasam used to kiss kiss him and show affection to baby ibraim so when we take this in its totality social science has a word for this they call it this kind of secure attachment they say that this is a type
Of relationship building that’s called containment containment and you’d say okay well how is containment different from showing Mercy showing empathy showing sympathy why is it different containment is when you create a mental space not a physical place but you create a place a time in which you’re not distracted with anything else in
Which you’re giving undivided attention you’re giving clear boundaries and as adults why is it that we don’t provide that sometimes especially in the High Press environments that we exist in so they say adult attachment issues are caused either by high anxiety or by high avoidance or a
Combination of these two these are the two scill this is like X and Y right you have anxiety and you have avoidance there’s some people they’re not avoiding it but they have so much going on and then there are others they don’t have so much going on they’re not distracted but
They’re avoiding it because perhaps they they aren’t able to successfully have that level of attachment so when we talk about emotional intimacy what are we describing so I’ll give you one definition I’m just going to read it because I this this I think is helpful it is the Deep sense of being
Connected to one another it is feeling loved respected and appreciated while at the same time seeking to reciprocate it’s the feeling that you have been seen the the feeling that you have been heard this is another way to describe this is what they call atunement you know how when you’re with
Someone and you feel that you are the center of their existence you are at the center of their attention like jab abdah when he described the prophet sallallah alaih wasallam he said when he looked at me it was as if there was no one else
Every time that he met me he met me with a joyous and a bright and a cheerful smile right how many of us can say the same about how it was with our parents growing up right most of us can’t because they’re under a lot of pressure there’s a lot going
On but if you create that space consciously that I’m present and I’m here this is a very important sunn of the Prophet sallallah Al wasallam ANB Malik he talked about how the prophet sallallah alaihi wasallam went out of his way when the children were playing together and he would come and he would
Greet them this is important because it shows that the prophet didn’t just greet children when they were with their parents and they were coming to meet him he would come to the children and he would greet them he would there was one man that came to one mjus and he had his
Child behind him and the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam told him to bring his child to the front he would include the children in the adult conversations he used to ask the brother of anas IB Malik about how his pet Sparrow was he would ask children About
Pets and games that they used to play he used to have his uh grandsons on his back and he used to pretend that they were playing horsey right and ask them oh how is the you know and he would make jokes about about the ride and the rider
Right he would race sometimes the prophet would race his grandsons and the kids to see who would be the fastest he encouraged us to exchange gifts so going back to the story of Y it’s very interesting that before he tells him what to do he
Says and out of all of the words in Arabic there’re probably a dozen words in Arabic to that mean speech right you have you havei you have you know there’s I mean there’s so many different words right but he says why is that interesting what does that sound
Like like story and what did we say in the beginning of Surah Yu that this is this is is the best of stories right so out of all of the words Allah subhah wa tala is using the same word which is familiar so that’s one of the key terms
In this story that this is a story that has that has lessons so there’s wisdom and this is very important in the age of social media because people have a tendency to overshare so it’s like oh now I’m making this now I’m over here just landed at the airport right selfie right so
They’re posting and posting and posting right like we’re getting like real time updates on everything that’s happened in in their life right and what he’s telling his son is that not everybody wants what’s best for you there will be some friends that will be cheering you on right
You’re opening up a business and you’re posting about it there will be some that will be happy for you but there will be a whole set of haters there will be other people who are waiting for you to mess up or waiting for it to fail so
They can be like oh I Told You So or so they can uh they can you know project all of their negativity onto you right and so even with family members you have to factor that if they have a problem it’s their problem there’s some people
Who can’t be trusted so he wants his son at that very young age to be aware that be cautious about your brothers because they may not want your best interest don’t put yourself in a position that’s only going to increase the tension between you and your brothers and he says
He says don’t relate your dream so even when Y is talking to Yousef he is implying that the reason they’re going to have a problem with the dream is because it’s your dream because the dream puts you at the center of attention and the 11 stars and the Sun
And the Moon they’re all prostrating to you which shows not only that they are going to be submissive towards you you at some time in the future but it also is indicative that Yousef is a prophet and imagine they are they’re they’re not idiots they they’re growing
Up in the family of yub they understand the promise that Allah made to which prophet to before y he had made a a promise that from your lineage will be prophethood to ibraim so they’re already aware and they’re waiting to see out of the 12 who is
Going to be the prophet it could be more than one but they understand that there’s going to be at least one so they want to see who it’s going to be and the idea that he’s going to have so they understood that their father already admired his character and behavior and
He already gets more attention and he already gets favored by everything now he’s going to be blessed by Allah to that would be too much for them to Bear Allah mentions this in the Quran inah umah he says that b is jealous of the fact that Revelation came to the prophet Muhammad
Sallallah alaihi wasallam one of the descendants of is so just because it came to him they’re going to reject it right out of hand and so what does it mean as a parent what do we do practically sometimes we might have different children they’re all raised in
The same house some of them are listening to the instructions some of them are not what if one of the child one of the children’s behavior is uh has an issue let’s say one of the children don’t want to pray is it necessary to give them tougher words to to show them to
Instruct them to give them discipline when we go back to what we discussed earlier about parenting it’s important for us not to separate the love and affection that you give as a parent from the discipline the discipline that you give your children is coming from a place of love
Right because not from a place of punishment the consequences are in order for the children to learn lessons for their behavior it’s not in order to punish them or to make them feel bad that’s not the goal of discipline right so there are situations in which tough love is
Required and then there are other situations in which Gentle Love is what’s necessary right but the children what do they do when they talk about their father So when the brothers they come together then they say oh our dad is is is duded he’s in great and manifest error so they do they who do they blame they accuse their father of showing favoritism they blame their father instead of blaming themselves for the jealousy they say the
Reason that we’re jealous is because our father is the one who is unfair and so what he’s doing is he’s protecting Yousef by making him aware but even then he doesn’t attribute that evil to his children he says don’t relate to your brothers why because of he attributes the plots
To right so the consequence that he’s warning is that they’re going to hatch a scheme so he could have just stopped they’re going to plot right the enemy isan so they will plot but he says that is additional right that four takes an object so they will hatch a plot that is
Specifically designed just for you they will hatch a scheme against you and the word is repeated again this is the absolute object we call right which shows the intent intensity of the animosity the severity and the level of detail that they would go through just in order to make a scheme
To go against them this also shows as parents that we need to equip our children for the realities of the world a lot of parents they don’t want to talk about what’s happening in the world they don’t want to talk about what’s happening in razza a lot of parents they
Don’t want to talk about explain to their children they might have young girls they don’t want to explain to them what’s going to happen with their bodies or if they have sons they don’t want to have that awkward conversation they don’t want to talk about the we’re all
Talking about LG B btq uh instruction in schools but Muslims we want to avoid it we don’t want to have those difficult conversations and sometimes we say oh don’t worry you you’ll understand later but here y he’s talking to a very young boy and he is explaining the reasons
Why right he’s not just saying oh you don’t need to think about it it shows that if we explain the decisions by vol un teering the explanation then they’re more likely to follow our instructions now there’s another aspect my question is are the father’s words effectives with yfam there are some
People who say oh this the the children were jealous so that means that YF told them the dream anyway but it doesn’t say that in the Quran I don’t know where people are coming up with that right but how do we know that Yousef remembered his father’s
Words this is a tough one at the very end of the Surah at the conclusion Yousef says this is the interpretation of my old dream right he says that at the very end he says my Lord has made it come true in reality he was truly kind to me when he freed me
From prison and he brought you all from the desert after Shan had ignited rivalry between between me and my siblings at the end of the Surah he says Allah Allah has favored us he’s blessed us and he brought us all together and reunited just as the dream said with the 11 of them
Prostrating right and he says after ignit a rivalry between us where did he get that from that’s exactly what his father told him about the interpretation of the dream that means that when he was in the bottom of the well when he was with the Caravan when
He is in prison when he’s in Egypt when he is in charge with the of of the of the treasury what is he what is imprinted on his mind and his heart what is he constantly going back to the dream but beyond the dream his father’s words he keeps going
Back to those words of wisdom that he heard from his father and that keeps him going and puts the whole issue into perspective for him of course he remembers the dream but he also remembers the way that the father interpreted the dream and understood it and then Allah subhana says
And so will your lord chose choose you oh Joseph and teach you the interpretation of dreams so is a word in the Quran that is only used for prophets so this indicates that at that young age Yousef becomes a prophet he is chosen and he is given the interpretation of
Dreams and per perfect his favor upon you and the descendants of Jacob just as he once perfected it upon your forefathers Abraham and Isaac surely your lord is all knowing all wise now uh we’re just going to close the whole circle inshallah with the relationship between him and his
Brothers and the dynamic and then we’ll leave the rest for next time then in the next Ayah Ayah number Seven indeed in the story of Joseph and his brothers there are lessons for all who ask it shows that there is a lesson here that the patience the perseverance of Y is in his parenting it’s very easy when you have a difficult child somebody who doesn’t
Listen you’re going to say you know what I’m kicking you out I can’t deal with you I wash my hands from you I’m not responsible for whatever you do but Yousef he keeps the family together he doesn’t go on the side of permissive families you know a lot of parents they
Give up and they say well nothing I do is going to make any difference so I just give them a green light and then there are others who close them out completely and cut off the relationship Yousef perseveres and persists in the hopes that they will realize at some
Point and even years later initially do they realize they don’t they don’t take accountability remember with the with the cup so he gave them uh responsibility even with that kind of risk so what kind of parenting style is this so there are four different styles that are mentioned in research the first
One is a authoritarian style many of us we grew up with that kind of style right then there’s authoritative which is similar but it’s very different from authoritarian then you have a permissive style and you have a uninvolved style of parenting T requires us to have an authoritative to maintain that dynamic
Between the parent and the child but that it’s not an authoritarian style because the children are involved in their own parenting right there’s a kind of there’s a dynamic there’s an open communication between the two Allah says remember when they said to one another surely Joseph and his
Brother bamin are more beloved to our father than we even though we are a group of so many indeed our father is clearly mistaken so they’re saying our father always favors those two over us and we are there’s 10 of us we’re strong we’re mature we’re powerful we’re united
We have a common uh mother our father is messing up why are we in this situation it’s not because we can’t contain our own emotions but it’s because of our father and there’s another thing which is that what happens when you surround yourself so for example right now we’re
All witnessing what’s happening inza a lot of if you turn on the media from the Middle East right or even you know democracy now or Independent Media you get one thing and then when you listen to corporate media what do you get the same thing even after so many they have
The right to defend themselves they have the right to defend themselves do condemn Hamas it’s the same thing it’s like a robot on on on on record and repeat right that you hear again and again so what happens is that when you surround yourself with people who agree
With you you can create a false narrative right it’s like a kind of echo chamber so because the 10 of them they keep meeting oh our dad did this can you believe he did that yeah and then they start repeating that lie that he’s favoring Yousef over the rest of us so
They start planning and they don’t think they’re the wrong ones even while they’re plotting they said either we’re going to kill him or we’re going to throw him far away out out in the middle of nowhere right basically to die so they start plotting just like the father knew that
They would but do they consider themselves the evil one do they blame themselves no they say oh we’re defending ourselves right I mean this isn’t that how a lot of the crime of humanity have been committed because people have said well we have to protect our population so
We’re going to go get the enemy so they’re going out in the offensive but they are framing it in such a way that well we we had no choice we had to take this action because our father was favoring YF and bamin and so there’s a dangerous
Delusionary effect when you have a large group when you have an echo chamber in which these biases get repeated again and again and again and we see that throughout all of history right now um I wanted also to comment a little bit on before we conclude about some lessons
For what’s happening around the world right now and next time we’ll talk about their their their plots Surah yusf shows us some lessons in the power of you know positive actualization so Allah subhah wa tala says surely your lord is all knowing all wise so there’s a wisdom of Allah
Subhanahu wa taala that only becomes apparent after the events unfold and then people then then when you look backwards you know like they say hindsight is 2020 then it all makes sense so Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala with a with his great plan intentionally showed Yousef the future so Allah subhana tala showed he
Could have the story could have started with them throwing him in the well so actually when you read the Surah you know then right away it talks about when Yousef said so you open the Surah immediately you jump into to this dream why was it important for Yousef to
Witness the Glorious ending because he is is going to this story is going to get very dark it’s going to get really really bad it’s going to be very depressing and you need to keep your eye on the prize you have to understand Yousef needs to know that the story has
A positive ending so that Rya was very important to inform him what’s going to happen similarly the prophet sallallahu Ali wasallam when he received that was a salve on his heart it was a bomb to what he was experiencing because he knew that victory has been has been assured has
Been guaranteed that even when things get low to stay positive and sometimes we get into this tissy and and we have all this anxiety about the future and then things unfold better than what we expected basuni he said that uh Surah yusf taught me that Allah brings relief from where
You might not expect he was in jail and Allah did not send him an angel to tear down the walls or to bring him out he said the government didn’t fall apart when he was in Egypt he led something as subtle as yousef’s dream an interpretation of dream be the the
Reason that he exited the jail there was no rescue operation there was no helicopter that came from the top right he didn’t dig into a tunnel into the ground in order to escape the jail Allah caused him to exit that jail through the smallest detail even his jailmate forgot to
Mention remember he promised that oh by the way when you get out mention me he totally forgot it was only when there was a dream that needed to be interpreted that it came out again so Allah subhanahu wa taala has his own way of bringing Victory and making things come to
Fruition so I think this is important as we read and study Surah yusf and we’re affected by what’s happening in the world what’s happening to our brothers and sisters in Gaza then we should also be aware that Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala doesn’t only bring uh you know he
Doesn’t just like have lightning come from the sky right this is not the only way in which Allah sends the help to the people so sometimes the help of Allah subhana wa ta’ala comes through us and through our own actions so like we’re like well we’re doing this we’re doing
This what’s God doing well as Dr th said in the oh actually he said it Friday night he says it’s not when you threw the dust you weren’t really throwing the dust but Allah is the one that threw it right so if you’re taking action Allah subhah wa
Ta’ala is healing people but in many cases he’s healing people through medicine so you cannot separate medicine is one thing and God is something else right so there are things that happen in the world and we are part of the world and this is one of the ways in which
Allah subhah wa ta’ala alleviates suffering so we ask Allah subhah that he can make us a means of alleviating the difficulty and hardship of this umah and that Allah subhah tala gives them a speedy Victory against all of those that wish to cause them harm and that Allah subhanahu wa taala grants
Them freedom and an end to their difficulty and hardship that he forgives all of those who he took as sh and that he heals all of those that are injured and is sick and that Allah subhah wa tala protect all of the babies and all
Of the children of and all of the um of Muhammad s Al wasallam and all of humanity okay so let’s take some questions uh I think there’s a microphone and then there’s one that came in the chat um to the Blessed IP Community continues
To be in our daily duas and even more so as we make Dua for amuan so she’s this is from sister shanaz she’s referring to her mother sisteri who passed away a little more than a week ago Allah please continue to remember my beloved mother and all those who return
And have the sh of philistine in your Noble duas Subhan Allah we follow y uh we should interject that shitan is the cause of all EV we make first and then our error second I used to do the oh this is a good question it is a
Remarkable tool because it orients us to Allah subhana and his help first to our capacity okay so this is really a question of how to attribute right evil right which is a very important question right so when uh some of this has to do with our belief and
Some of it has to do with with Allah so when a good thing happens to you this one’s easy right if good happens to you you say that this good is from Allah and when bad happens to you you say that well you could say Shan but we
Don’t give Shan that power so the the or we say that that it is because of me why because when you say me you’re taking ownership but as a father when he sees his children mess up he doesn’t say they’re bad and evil so you say evil
When it has to do with you but when it has to do with the third person then you don’t say oh that’s a bad person you say no you know Shan has influenced him why do we say that are we giving them a free pass no right we’re not saying oh Allah
Made them that way well because that is bad with Allah subhana and also not true right because Allah doesn’t influence anyone to be evil as Muslims we don’t believe that but also we’re not describing that person because we do not know the actual condition of the person because we are constrained by
Time we are seeing only a snapshot of that person whereas Allah subhana wa taala looking at a person is seeing the totality of their past their present and their future and so that could be a person of Jenna but because you are constrained by the limitations of time
The person appears to you a person of Hellfire and that’s due to your own ignorance so when you have good ad with Allah subhana tala then you’ll say oh that person was affected by shaan and that’s especially important as a parent because now he doesn’t want Yousef to
Have a bad opinion about his brothers because he’s also sensitive to their Brotherhood their fraternity that their bonds have to be he’s thinking to the Future remember how the ending goes in which they all hug each other and they all reconcile so he is attributing their mistakes to
Shan so the question here is should we inject that Shan is the call of all evil or errors we make first and then our error second so what you’re doing is correct so these two cannot really be separated why because the Shan he runs through our
Veins like M right so Shan he is running through us what does that mean is Shan inside of us no but he has the ability to whisper and to influence our decision inah we’re going to talk about the Ayah that thiss it can go to that state and that
Condition in which it is in which it is constantly commanding to evil right and it’s it’s just bent on destruction that means there is a state of a enough that is subservient to Shan and just does what Shan wants but we don’t give Shan that power that Shan has
The ability to cause evil that is a Christian belief as Muslims we don’t believe that we believe that in Allah’s hand all good and all evil is from Allah there is no power there is no everything is from Allah but we attribute the causation to our own
Selves because of our adab with Allah subhanahu wa tala our etiquette because of our poor understanding so we say that even though this cannot happen without Allah’s permission the proximate cause the thing that made me deserving of this happen is my own mistakes because of my own flaws
Um I’ll take the next one if if there no oh we have a bunch yeah let’s take these yeah so the question is if looking at the household of HZ yam the CH the CH 10 children from one wife and the two children from other so the 10 childrens
They were growing up in the same environment in that way how come they were so so swear in term of punishing yfam how come they didn’t talk to their father so we have that feeling about what you’re doing uh so how come they did not talk
To to their father and say look we are very disturbed emotionally do that but you know Allah has a plan Allah has a plan for Prophet Yousef in that way so it didn’t go in in that way Allah wanted to train Prophet Yousef very young age
To be a prophet you know take a profit phot that way so thinking about the you know the par parenting and other things like that so the children who have a feeling like that they should Express their feeling to their their father or mother yes kind of things so that’s
Another thing U you know we have to really make sure we cultivate those things in way because if you have so many children they are different they have a different personality that’s a good so you cannot treat them you know equally you have to treat them fairly
That’s the whole you know philosophy of the par this a difference between equality and Equity right because sometimes people need different things am I fear with my children I you know kind of the things so so they should not develop that discrimination in the house in that way
Yeah can I add a gender into the mix also I think a lot of people struggle when they have male and female children how to be fair with both of them this happened with bash you know he relates that he wanted to give a a gift to his
Son and to one of his sons not all of them but to one of his sons and his wife required him and said well go to the prophet wasallam and make him a witness of that gift and the prophet wasallam asked that do you have other
Children and he said yes I do and he said are you giving all of them that that president and the prophet in that case said well then I I I will not bear witness because teaching us that if you give something to one child that you
Have to give it to all the other children we understand that but we struggle when they’re different ages right uh sometimes we we pay for one person’s career or education or tuition one goes to private school one goes to public school one goes in this path another goes a different path uh one
Person goes into this boort the other person doesn’t they’re in different ages different genders different rules and so I think a lot of parents struggle in trying to be fair but the perception of reality is almost as important as the reality right so if they start if children start to feel
That one is favored over the others then it’s very important to be proactive as a parent parent to make sure that they understand that when you’re gifting something to one child you’re giving to the others in different ways and that if there’s desperate treatment it’s because of their choices and their decisions in
The case of he probably was favoring Yousef but favoring Yousef because of yousef’s superior character and behavior not because of who he was but they thought it’s because he you know y prefers YF and that they they had no agency they had no control well that that’s the
Feeling that they are developing that that should be prevented in a way that’s right so the thing is that not all 10 of them were agreed to that plot there was a discussion there was a dispute among them that’s next week’s discussion in there was a dispute among them but
Eventually slowly slowly the shatan come work shatan was kind of involved in that yes that was probably plan that’s right it’s very common in so many cultures and it causes and it it also causes animosity between you know it harms the relationship between brother and sister when when that
Happens I just want to add a little bit about what’s about the uh the age of the 10 and and they are the youngest ones and usually as a parents we are always have tendency to give more more uh you know care to the youngest one yeah so probably the
Role of yakob didn’t prepare the the other 10 to say that you are now the Big Brothers of the little one you have to take care of them I mean to give them responsibility about them so usually when we we we have a second child we try
To prepare the eldest they you’re give them responsibilities yeah and that’s what is missing that’s I mean as parents that’s what we do we say oh you know your mommy’s Little Helper and you know bring this bring that the baby needs this and you know give have the Big
Brother Big Sister give the you know bring the bottle so there things that we do to give them importance and so they they feel that nurturing and love towards the child I think it you know makes a big difference it’s a request anybody who wants to have a question please speak
This so that others can also listen there are many person on Zoom who want to listen they don’t listen it thank you thank you if I just had a clarification about what you said about emotional Attunement and the reasons for adults not um not connecting intimate level you talked
About anxiety MH and um the other one was avoidance and I wanted to clarify avoidance and how you define that sure thank you so this is I mean this is a little bit outside of my expertise but I’ll try my best so avoidance I think is because a lot of us didn’t receive
Didn’t we’re not used to being emotionally vulnerable right we didn’t grow up in families in which love was expressed in which emotion was uh was talked about and so because of that a lot of us become uncomfortable right I mean there people who are even uncomfortable about intimacy uh emotional intimacy with
Their spouse there are a lot of Muslims who have a hard time expressing that even with their husband or with with their wife um I think it comes more naturally and easier with children but I think there are a lot of people who emotionally are unavailable ailable and
A lot of that has to do with you know unresolved issues from how they were raised and when they were going up so that’s why it’s also important if you want to be a really successful father or a mother you need to try to resolve all of that as much as possible
Before you start looking to get married before you start thinking to have children cuz usually the people with the most issues are the first ones to have babies all right so we need to kind of change that order inah we are talking about the role of the father and raising the kids and
Trying to address all those issues and definitely like when the father have two wives and the children coming from two mothers I mean I assume there is a role for the mother to play there and taking into account like the 10 children from one mother and all of them they have a
Plan um I mean nothing we know is mentioned in the Quran about the role of the mother there uh directing the children but I believe the mother has a big role as well um in raising those so the emphasis is really about the father raising the children but I think the
Mother especially at younger age um must have lot of impact to raise the children one way or another I agree uh we see that in the when the angel come to deliver the news uh to ibraim that they don’t deliver the news until uh until Sarah is there right and
Then they mention and they actually address the news to Sarah as a mother that you were the one who’s who’s who’s having the baby which I think honors the role of the mother and that if the this Bushra is to ibraim then it’s even more
So to to her as a mother and it it it shows the elevated status of of motherhood it’s definitely true sister shanaz also is mentioning for ftin how do we reconcile the evil we see in our leadership the loss of trust the loss of belief in the processes that we have
Inculcated institutions leadership policies post where we are witnessing uh do we line item support our leaders that they can make evil decision on something not at all oh of course not no I mean you know one of the one of the signs of is that the
Like the worst of us are becoming our leaders I mean you think of the um of Muhammad like the worst people are the rulers like it’s like if you’re not good at anything you become a dictator right you know and and but the thing is civil society is still continuing even with
These dictatorships the Muslim uh spirit and Ethos is there and we live in America nobody is stopping us we are you know instead of being proactive organizing institutions what do Muslims do we spend all our time in conspiracy theories we’re like oh they control all of the money they they run all of
Congress so we get busy with these conspiracy theories then we don’t end up doing anything right so we have a great opportunity here in America that we this is a democratic imp perfect as it is it’s a democratic system of governance and we can build our institutions so I
Don’t think think that we should follow our leaders when they’re fools I think we should create better institutions um I think shavez has a question yeah I mean this is this is a I mean and there are different I I don’t think today is the right day but maybe
When we have ask Q&A it’s going to come up that you know what what do you have to obey your leaders you know this is common especially among Sala circles so they have this uh idea that you should as long as Shar is being implemented that you should just you should just follow
Them um but I don’t think that that uh that is always the case um that uh you have this blind follow following uh there is a possibility of conscientious objection so that doesn’t mean that you have to be in a state of in Resurrection right or revolution but you can you can
Note your objection yeah um since we’re talking about parenting and uh children if you would permit me I want to read a section from the sure uh then this is translated by princ University press you can buy this on Amazon so he has so I’m going to read
The section it’s very short it’s called on punitive child rearing techniques okay so severe punishment in the course of instruction does harm to the student especially to little children because it is among the things that make for bad habits students bondsmen and servants who are raised with Injustice and
Arbitrary Force are overwhelmed with it it causes them to feel oppressed and results in inertia it makes them indolent and induces them to lie and be insincere that is their outward Behavior differs from what they are thinking or feeling this is because they fear that if they tell the truth they will be
Punished by their parents and will suffer tyrannical treatment thus they learn deceit and trickery this becomes habitual and part of their character this isun 1377 look how advanced his thinking uh I khun of course from um North Africa um this is the first book on sociology madima uh he’s considered the father of
Of that of that science um sister sh is asking Y and puzzled as to his relationship with his kids his grief over YF Alam was tremendous yet there’s no indication that he reproached his other kids despite his feeling that they had something to do with usf’s disappearance so he does mention that he
Doesn’t uh believe their story and he knows that they did something to yfam but he doesn’t as far as we know from the verses I mean he doesn’t like punish them for doing so and I think there’s a reason for that because it doesn’t have have any benefit at that point because
It’s only going to cause a further wedge or animosity between them and Yousef and them and him so he wants them to really reconcile and figure it out and learn their lesson on his own um there’s another question thank you for sharing your thought-provoking insights as a parent
Of five I’ve learned that sibling rivalry is inevitable may Allah give her more strength having five kids in this Society that’s just like any other test in this if had to deal with sibling rivalry just know that we have this test too no matter how equable we try to be Allah knows best
You know as long as you’re Vigilant about something then you’re going to so it’s it’s it’s hard because the variables keep moving so when you’re parenting you’re adjusting you’re not you’re not doing something which is fixed you’re doing something which is dynamic so as the situation changes one
Child is doing one activity another child is stopping an activity you have to keep readjusting your parents their ages change so they go from a pre-teen into teenager so then the situation changes so you have to be open to adjusting as as as things change any other
Questions so inah you know uh the last thing I’ll mention is being open-minded you know I think a lot of us once you think that you know everything and that you’ve learned everything there is to learn that’s when you stop growing so when it comes to parenting when it comes
To anything else in life we should be open-minded and think that you know there’s always more that we can learn we ask Allah subhana to increase Us in knowledge too
source
