Roger did you get glasses not glasses Francine transitions best product I’ve ever owned now I don’t have to switch out my regular glasses for sunglasses every time I go outside but you didn’t wear glasses before but now I don’t have to switch them out eyes hurt like a [ __ ]
Though that dead hobo must have been blind as a bat mama papa Barry invited me to go with his family on a trip next month to see the world’s largest chest of drawers and I’d very much like to go I don’t know we’ve never met Barry’s parents but
Judging from Barry I think it’s safe to assume there and this is nothing against Barry we love Barry monstrously stupid sewer people agreed answer is a hard no another brilliant decision by my genius parents sasb back in my very own home that’s it not only are you not going on
That trip smart mouth you’re grounded for 2 weeks you’re so unfair you never let me do anything I’m so frustrated I oo I feel it coming on don’t you do it young man I think I’m going to go bananas do not go bananas it’s going to happen go bananas do it Steve Go Bananas is this what you want are you happy Now a is this what you wanted make go and bananas sounds like Steve’s going bananas again yep good morning USA I got a feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day the Sun in the sky has a smile on his face and he shining a salute to the American race
Oh boy it’s SW to say good morning USA I wish my parents were more like yours Barry they let you do whatever you want I want spent the night at Claim Jumpers that’s it Claim Jumpers okay but I think they’ll be on the lookout for me this time no if our parents became friends yours are so chill maybe they’d
Rub off on mine then we’d be able to hang out all the time and do whatever we want it’ll be like The Purge we can go on a rampage Rampage Rampage Rampage everybody the eclipse is about to start everybody take a pair of special glasses for my giant tub of
Glasses I think these bad boys will do me just fine thank you very much Roger you could really damage your eyes looking at the eclipse with just your glasses uh they’re not just glasses clous they’re trans a lifestyle it’s starting ooh and here comes the Sun pretty neat pretty neat well I’m blind I do not blame the glasses though good product solid product can’t believe Steve talked us into going to dinner with that goon Barry and his cave troll parents hey I don’t want to do this either you think chowing down on swamps do with a couple
Of real life ogres is at the top of my bucket list I think when you two finally actually meet Barry’s parents you’re really going to like them nope stand Francine that a sight well get the heck in here you three the fondue’s starting to skin up wa oh this place is
Incredible so much mahogany thick wood a man’s wood Mahalo Mahalo stano come here I got to show you the high five out of sight mom you know Mrs Robinson here makes a mean Harvey Wallbanger oh it’s just vodka with some orange juice and a scooch of gallano you put things in your
Vodka oh girl I feel like I’m at The Ritz Charleston you know Dad Mr Robinson played a little ball back in college Ted you play a little ball yep little ball little college ball I’ll be damned a little ball little ball up at San Jose stick a little ball hey Franny it was
Just a little ball you know Ted here played a little ball Ted played a little ball little ball up at San Jose State I was actually coached by John Elway dead have you ever met John Elway no but I’ve always wanted to me Too come on Franny give me a bump [Laughter] Sister blind sad Roger we are not going to let you just wallow in wait why are you in a wheelchair I didn’t know what kind of chair I was sitting down in because I’m blind come on Roger you can still live a full life can I Steve I’ll never see
Another Thomas concade or a fat guy falling over on a rascal I guess I’ll just have to kill myself not on my watch we’re making it our mission in life to help you ReDiscover your trademark we’ll see Francine we’ll see seriously how did Two Smoking Hot
Tens like you give birth to this and this is nothing against Barry here I adore Barry I mean this in the kindest way possible stomach turning hobgoblin you got my number oh we just like to think of him as our Groovy Little butter ball Barry where have you
Been hiding these two they should hide him W fire she fire Mom Dad may I go to the bathroom do whatever you want we don’t care whoop wrong room never been in this one before so you want to be a swinger so you’re currently a swinger so you want to swing with your
Son’s friend’s parents Barry’s parents aren’t going to rub off on mom and dad they’re going to rub one out on Mom and Dad that was probably more disgusting than it needed to be but oh my god did you know your parents are swingers oh yeah they’re always saying
Stuff like you’re money and you don’t even know it or you’re so money or that’s money baby listen my parents are prudes if I don’t get them out of here before yours come on to them they might never let us hang out again understand no Treehouse time treeh house time treeh house
Time have fun you two I spend most nights in the treehouse while my mom and dad have wrestling parties time to put on her blindfolds and Headphones Yoo Stan Francine banan Foster in the hot tub banan Foster with the bananas shaped like penises and the ice cream shaped like boobs I got to stop them St nice suit it’s yours yeah but you really fill it out give it a nice shape I need to go to the
Hospital G it’s always the hospital with you Steve first when you were born and now again this is stupid I can’t see why are we going to a movie because you’re going to experience life just as you did before okay but I’ve literally never gone to a movie before sloth you mean
The monster that killed chunk entire family after he went to live with them now who said that the other kid sh sh goonies never look back was that the catchphrase what did he say what you’re blind not death huh sorry I’m listening to a podcast oh can you read this for me
I’m expecting a text from my friend McDaniel which character was that that wasn’t from the is it from McDaniel I’m fighting with McDaniel right now so if it’s from McDaniel do not write back it’s from rafie yeah I’m fighting with rafie he sucks so hard here I’m going to
Dictate a message to you shut the hell up shut up you dick get out of here why don’t you fine I told you this was a stupid idea that’s it I don’t care if you’re blind bro I’m going to kick your ass ah no no no no no no
No did I just beat that guy up of course losing my eyes it must have sharpened my other senses actually sh look how happy he is especially my sense of smell you sir are a Pedophile swingers and I what are you doing in my room she going through your stuff jeez you look stressed what’s going on Mom and Dad loved Barry’s parents but it turns out they’re swingers and now I’m afraid if Mom and Dad find out they won’t let me be
Friends with Barry anymore don’t wor worry about that worry about Mom and Dad becoming swingers what they would never do that oh yeah sounds like Barry’s parents are grooming them it’s only a matter of time before they claim their prey mom and dad won’t know what hit
Them and then what divorce 100% they won’t be able to handle it Mom sure she’s the female Will Chamberlain but Dad not a chance no way it doesn’t destroy their marriage oh hell yeah nunchucks Michelangelo Michelangelo see you later nerd H sorry about dragging you to that awful
Dinner last night how about that Connie and Ted what a couple of [ __ ] am I right what Connie and Ted are out of sight man yeah they actually suggested hanging out again sometime absolutely not now you listen to me I forbid you from hanging out with Barry’s parents uh
I don’t know what’s gotten into you but how exactly are you going to stop us uh how about this if you so much as talk to them again I’ll take away your internet privileges I pay for the internet yeah but only I know how to set it up he’s
Got us by the long hairs Francine Ted suggested we grow out our pubic hair it’s natural I can change the Wi-Fi password in 2 minutes and it’s goodbye Jake Paul dad you dick what’s your problem you’re the ones with the problem because you two are grounded you’re so
Unfair go to your room we hate you was a good friend of mine Roger was so happy when he thought he beat that guy up in the theater this is true so to further boost his spirits I’ve recruited his improv team pizza party weekend pizza party weekend I saw them bomb at
The high school gym yes and today they’ll be working together to make Roger think he’s thwarting a terrorist train jacking based on my number one alltime favorite movie Under Siege 2 dark territory listen to that engine thing we’re really moving now nobody move this is an action pack terrorist train
Jacking rogger you have to stop them do you really think I can we know you can we believe in you punch Roger punch I’m doing it good job Roger now climb oh man now we’re like on the roof and the tunnels is coming up and there’s
A bunch of Samurai up here ah sick I’mma fight him good now kick Chop you did it you single-handedly defeated all the terrorists I’m a hero some of those terrorists gave off a pleasing ham scent when I hit him I like that hey kiddos still mad we’re sick of you I think we might just stay in bed all weekend wait the news said there were three
Orangutangs stolen from the zoo I got to stop my parent for making the biggest mistake of their lives have you seen my parents yeah they went out of town with my mom and dad for the weekend they said they were going to this place nudist resort but nude is how you have
Sex doesn’t have to Be thanks for letting us hit cheack Mr truck driver man helping children is what truckers live for well time to deliver their shipment of baby poison okay we’ve got to get in there and find our parents before yours boink mine but they’ll never let in a couple of
Kids eem we are a single human adult interested in purchasing a day pass to your perverted establishment very good sir $50 very good sir Stanford and Francine Smith you two are coming home with me this instant you tracked us down all the way here what is your problem my problem is that you’re
Too naive to see that they are swingers we know you no does that mean you’re swingers too now no we enjoy hanging out with Connie and Ted but we made it clear that very first night that swinging wasn’t our thing we can maintain boundaries for ourselves it’s true these
Two have a nickname around here the a cuz every time you so much as try to brush your genitals up against them it’s ah ah [Laughter] Ah hey are your parents going to be back soon I feel like I owe them an apology I sure was dumb thinking they were all going to end up swinging huh quite to the contrary people come here to swing and swing our parents Stan Francine have either of you seen
Roger around anywhere Jeff said he was driving him down to the docks to fight crime said docks is where the crime is oh no we must have done too good a job of convincing him he had powers I have to stop him stop Roger you’re going to get
Yourself killed not Roger call me Blind Justice you don’t have heightened Powers we set all that up do I need a some sense into you could it be all right drug dealers it’s lights out for evil mind if I borrow this I’d like to take a shot in the
Dark nice try mind if I take a stab ah gross one of these guys totally just beefed wasn’t me all right I think that’s all of them Jeff Hit the Lights why won’t that guy stop farting as you may remember a few months but what seems like years ago your
Father convinced me to stop taking what he thought were mere vitamins but were in fact an anti- psychotic medication yeah of course I remember without them I was no longer dumb but rather a diabolically Evil Genius yes I remember but meanwhile Haley became upset when she discovered the funds from her eskimo studies
Program were going to a fraternity wait what I I don’t think we were even aware of those events silence anyway when you took me on this trip in such haste you once again deprive me of my medication and sealed your parents’ marriages Doom my plan is already
Underway that was the Bell booy says we both need to come pick up a bag in the steam room steam room that seems odd even odder our bags are all right here but hey free bag galo’s an Indian huh the bail boy said no that’s not it the bail boy damn
I’ve lost it the the bail boy said yes there it is the bail boy said you both need to pick up a bag in the steam room oh okay thanks for the message hun now your worst fear will come true this is the same guy that bit my
Finger cuz I was holding a piece of cake Hello stano Franny luggage doesn’t seem to be here yet might as well grab some Pine get slick in that steam is a chemical aphrodisiac that makes humans 1,000 times hornier than is naturally possible no matter their agreement not to swing
Before they won’t be able to resist doing it now don’t you want to see your parents punished young Steven for not letting you do what you wanted but they only ever did that because they worry about me and now you’re going to mess up my family that’s making me mad Barry
Getting me real frustrated don’t you do it Steven don’t you go bananas oh it’s happening don’t you dare no stopping it you not bananas here I go [Applause] Mom and dad oh no I’m too late you all had sex yes but only with our respective part Partners we hung up a towel as a barrier although we did fist bump each other through it quite a bit we told you we could maintain boundaries for ourselves
Oh that’s a relief this whole scene here is still really gross to me I’ll see you guys in the car you guys know what my favorite part of having sex is that end part that crazy feeling bye have a great Time aren you nervous to find out what you got in the history midterm I’m nervous about the time that cat and crunchbox turned me on I know I Ace the midterm I got a smiley ah there she is gather around boys you’re about to see my 4.0 face are you okay
Steve you don’t look so hot why are you talking like that too much Z Lo and I’m still so sad Mr hersel I think there’s been a mistake you put an F here on my test but forgot to add antastic job A+ I was just as surprised as you Steve you’re usually
A big old nerd wait I see what happened here I was one question off on the Scantron sheet see here I I’ll just take it again real quick and we look this vape pen isn’t going to smoke itself behind the gym the F stands f f f f f
F don’t worry bar know what to do now it’s just going to take me longer to finish freaking out I got a feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day the sun in the has a smile on his face and he’s shining a salute to the American race oh boy it’s SW to say good morning USA [ __ ] up champ one bad grade’s not the
End of the world look at your mother she’s got a great life lives in a nice big house and she had nothing but D’s yeah Double D’s oh mama the point is it was just one little mistake you’re going to be fine you know what maybe you’re right of course I’m right now bring that sweet cinnamon noodle on over here it’s tossing time come here you little rascal you’re a little rascal is what you are
Get that little RAS a Ras little SC you now get on out of here you little bastard our greatest fear has come true Candyman has escaped the world in the movies and entered ours okay my greatest fear has come true grades are all Steve has if he loses
That what do he have left is dead on Paul Hogan impression sure it kills now but how much longer is that going to be relevant but you said it was no big deal I didn’t want him to panic but what if it wasn’t just a mistake what if his
Grade starts slipping what kind of life will he have the world will eat him alive like Candyman yes Francine like Candyman Steve’s always been a soft sensitive little guy and I’ve always been there to protect him and now I have to protect my boy once more from failure
And I need to protect my girls from Gravity Oh Candyman hey bud just popping in oh how’s the school work going pretty good I’m working on my new history assignment a video presentation on Charles Lindberg Bachelor season 1 sick the first Aviator to fly non-stop from New York to Paris oh oh Charles Lindberg sick and Roger is helping me out with it
Gotcha hey Raj can you hit record on the camera I Charles Augustus Lindberg born February 4th 1902 have just flown my plane the Spirit of St Louis across the Atlantic Ocean it’s a good thing Jean cisal was murdered by Pirates cuz this would have killed him I better step in
Now look this is great son but if you really want that a you’re going to have to go above and beyond really Dazzle your teacher how do I do that I could help you out that’d be great Roger do you care I never cared Steve this is a really hard one y nope
Gotcha men’s Ed hearty Death Or Glory lowrise sneakers color Dragon smoke black size 14 now all I need is a body these shiny shoes will cure my Blues would chase the Gloom away when I dress my body the one I’ll have Somay Co naked volleyball is what my shirt will say shells will sure look swell paed with a white cold chain I’ll have no fear only joy Che and a square cut stud in my left when I dress my body I’ll hear everybody say hey that’s somebody not just anybody when I dress my
Body clouse what the hell I’m doing a thing in here it’s my room why are you even get out my room clouse Fine what better way to go above and beyond than to get some sweet aerial footage for your movie so I borrowed a drone from work yeah that’s a predator drone that drone’s a drone I just got in there with my Leatherman yanked out the missiles tossed them in the everything
Drawer in the kitchen no big whoop Now where’s that Carwash coupon let’s start with the scene where I find out my baby’s been kidnapped and actually I made one other super cool change I know you’re going to love Steve meet the new star of your history project The Rock friend Vin Diesel still
Technically a star uh we’re not actually friends although we do own a couple Long John Silvers together but but that’s not important what’s important is this deathly ill child has a dream and I’m going to make it come true you told him I’mma make a wish kid didn’t you am I
That far off Steve what are we doing at the CIA oh just taking advantage of our Top Secret Sound Stage this is where we filmed the moonlanding the JFK assassination and death jams how to be a player wow this is going to be the most epic history
Project ever you bet your ass it is now wait here I’m going to go check on the script changes script changes what is Apple box flying in Dino let’s put sticks on a half apple and fly in a couple of c47s so I can jelly roll those
Bob Denver and put them on an Apple box hey you can’t touch that and you are shuck deula Union gaffer but everybody calls me cheese you seem to be a lot more helpful now than you were the other day now the International Brotherhood of film grips session drummers and pool
Table repair men has my back scab that’s lunch H this still doesn’t feel like a guaranteed a Atlantic Ocean Pacific’s bigger Steve’s teacher will find that much more impressive I think maybe he’ll care a little bit more about historical accuracy uh if I didn’t care about historical accuracy would I have stolen
The actual Spirit of St Louis from the Smithsonian what the toughest part was convincing the guard I came in with it look to really impress your teacher we got to make this thing big exciting fun wait the Lindberg baby died huge Downer Steve yeah what if Lindberg had a buddy
Like a a dog or a monkey and the Buddy dies instead I’m not sure you know what now I like the Buddy maybe Lindberg brings him back to life with the power of RC Cola we got to work in some product placement to cover costs Dad this is my project remember hey you’re
Still in charge we’re just here to help you we being dream Smith entertainment the production company I started with the money from your college fund I’ll tell you one thing suit we’ve got non-union sound so the movie is going to sound like [ __ ] that’s l Refresh refresh refresh Haley the shoes are here the shoes the shoes the shoes the shoes but it said how you know there is a 416 South Cherry Street maybe I got delivered there by mistake as a matter of fact I once ordered a Garfield welcome mat they
Never showed up either oh I do so hope to someday hear the story of the missing Welcome Matt hey I’m trying to help you out then shut up and drive we shut down the set of Captain Ron for 6 months back in ‘ 91 Touchstone retaliated with full Fury friendships
Were destroyed marriages fell apart but by God we got three chairs for every five men working Dino you’d be standing right now um cheese we’re trying to film a scene well we’re trying to eat lunch which we’re allowed to do anywhere on set read the 85 agreement that’s lunch come on Dino
Hey man this is for a sick kid couldn’t you be a little flexible oh so you think you can crap all over us below the line people just because you’re the big star how dare you I’m going to eat lunch in your trailer in your bed please join me
I know I sound angry but please come my God you’re ripped okay everybody back to one and are you worried this scene is playing too heavy no I’m not and you sure you don’t want to bring in the monkey yes positive and action you you fly the plane or the plane cut let’s
Just bring the monkey in see what he does Dad that’s enough this is my project oh really because it sure feels like I’m the one who’s been putting in all the effort I got you the Sound Stage I got you Vin Diesel I got you a monkey who studied under the monkey from
Dunston Checks In I didn’t ask you to but you need me to if you want to get that a I’m sorry son but you’re no Charles Lindberg you can’t fly solo on this you’re just not capable no sorry I haven’t gotten any packages lately oh well it was a long
Shot take her easy hey I’ll take her anyway I can get [Laughter] her that lying son of a [ __ ] has my shoes Claus that’s ridiculous okay we have no reason to son of a [ __ ] what the you want to get nuts let’s get nuts I brought so many bullets
Ladies gentlemen Steve’s teacher welcome you’re not going to believe your eyes when you see what Steve Smith was capable of doing all by himself roll It dream Smith your head’s in the clouds boy that’s no place for a man but what if it was pop what if it was I shall call my invention the Aeroplane and I owe it all to RC Cola Charles a baby’s been kidnapped I’ll handle this hey boss ain’t you worried limberg
Will come for his Bambino he is just one man one pilot with two fight Attendants Guards you got a bad altitude good work Gus but next time behind this A+ caliber project Steve Smith what the plan can’t do things on my own can I well look who’s flying solo now dad at least mom’s still proud of me’s got me you’ve got to say my name
Three times to frame me now just because you have no idea how to fly a plane there’s no need to panic you can make it to Paris you’ll just have to learn on the Fly good one Steve you’ve been cleared to laugh well I should probably figure out
What all these gauges are air speed I’d say that one’s self-explanatory this one going to come back to this one it’s so foggy up here I hope I’m flying high enough ah jeez buddy got enough arms pull up pull up looks like white man can jump looks like white men can jump what
It’s a famous novel Steve Now give me that flight stick never douglas douglas douglas all I want are my shoes I don’t have your shoes please you you can have my shoes here do I look like the kind of fish Who would wear red shoes when he someday has the body of a
Man house is clean only place I haven’t looked is this closet things locked tight open the closet please Doug I I lost the key listen Open the closet I didn’t take your stuff then why is my Garfield mad on your door doorstep it’s Garfield that’s Amazon’s top selling
Welcome out open the CL I swe oh my god there are no shoes in there we’ve inconvenienced an innocent man and his guest you know I’m not 100% sure I ordered that Welcome Matt I might have just put it on my wish list it’s Jeff he
Found your shoes in the bush out front the bush of course let go I’m doing this on my own why won’t you just let me help you because you’re not helping me when you won’t let me do anything for myself you’re actually standing in my way I am yes that’s the I’m remembering
Something a lesson from a powerful film I once saw don’t leave me Pap I can’t do this without you by my side H up your foolishness now what if you never let a baby bird out of the nest it can’t never take flight oh take flight Charles Lindberg my
Son don’t you see Dad if you never let me try sure I can’t ever fail but you can’t ever succeed either oh I’m sorry son well I’m sorry too was pretty stupid of me taking off with this plane and thinking I could make it across the ocean all by myself
Oh my God the Eiffel Tower I did make it to Paris want to bring us in for a landing m still got it but actually son I realize now that this is something I have to let you do on your own what no wait I don’t know how to land a plane
White man can jump I believe in you m All right son you can do this let’s find those Crosswinds good good easy on the throttle P back on the ool that’s it now steady steady my boy what have I done ow my bottom Steve you’re alive can you believe I actually made it all the
Way to Paris well no because you didn’t looks like you must have gotten turned around in the clouds cuz that’s that new amusement park they open just outside Langley Falls tell you what son from now on I’m going to let you do things for yourself
But if you ever do want my help all you have to do is ask maybe you can help me wash my flight suit I really did a number on this thing bailing out of that plane a number five that’s two number twos and a number one
That sounds like the kind of help a mother might Give have a great night oh what about the line where the guy says Dude Where’s My Car oh yeah I forgot that line so classic he’s like uh Dude Where’s My Car enough look I love dude wears my car as much as all of you impossible and there
Is certainly no greater line of dialogue in cinema history than that titular line okay maybe you are a true fan but I am trying to study for the ppss well you already got the first question wrong gin Stein it’s called the PSATs no Haley I’m taking the pre prats because you can
Never be too pre-prepared which is why this weekend I’ll be at the downtown testing center oh no there’s no way my only boy child and The Keeper of the Smith family name is going downtown it’s too dangerous haven’t you heard of Jack the Ripper that was in London yeah
Downtown London Steve downtown is always the most dangerous part of any City that’s why they push it down but if I don’t take the ppss my life will amount to nothing Steve you’ll be fine I didn’t take any of those tests exactly I don’t want to be a loser who was twice kicked
Off a city bus for watching Monday Night Raw too loud on her cell phone hey that happened to me are you talking about me you little jerk Steve’s right he’s this family’s last hope we need him to succeed Haley you have to drive him to
The test I do it but Saturdays are for me I don’t want to hang out with this dork all Saturday besides I give Jeff a bath on Saturdays me I’m sorry Haley you’re request to not drive Steve has been denied Jeff can shower with me on Friday
Night now to prepare you two it’s time for my patented rules for surviving downtown stand patented rules for surviving downtown first rule when you get downtown don’t keep your eyes on the ground and your head on a swivel if my eyes are on the ground how do I keep my
Head on a swivel doesn’t matter because the third rule is to do helicopter arms like this fourth rule if anyone gets close to you swallow your wallet then when they reach their whole arm down your throat you can bite it off and that’s how you protect your Ricky Mountain fudge chocolate shop Rewards
Card good morning USA I got a feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day the Sun in the sky has a smile on his face and he’s shining a salute to the American race oh boy it’s SW to say good morning USA what are you doing with your hands I’m visualizing filling out the Scantron please be silent I need to focus I’ve only got 4 hours before the test starts what why are we going so early I brought a lavender diffuser takes a while for the scent to permeate the room oh pull
Off here I have to get a coffee we’re not even out of the suburbs yet just get a coffee downtown are you crazy the last three kids to get a perfect score in their ppsat drank a caramel macchiato from the Starbucks in this neighborhood fine but after this I am dropping you
Downtown parking the van and getting after that vape Life you heard son of a BAP please tell me you know how to change a tire yeah it’s easy first I get my phone out of the car and then I call triaa did you lock the car the keys are
In there why would you leave the keys to the car in the car they’re the car’s keys I’m not carrying his [ __ ] around for him oh my God I’m going to miss my test because my sister’s an idiot let’s just knock on someone’s door call triaa
And get back on the road that house looks cool did you even look at any of the other houses no answer they’re in trouble or more likely already dead I have to go downtown and recover their bodies did somebody say downtown I love downtown I’m a Downtown
Boy haven’t been in 30 years cuz I’m down 30 large to my friend guzo no Roger this is serious very serious guzo does not forget when someone owes him but I can probably drop in without word getting back to the old guz Meister that his pal yob McGruder is back in town
Let’s ride Franny okay but I got to get home before dinner to finish stirring this water the kick is good gry scores haly quit goofing around hey hate the silly not the goose who sick toliary hi my sister’s basically a monkey and she locked our keys in the
Car can we use your phone and maybe a banana for her I’m sorry about this rude little baby I’m babysitting him because he’s a stupid little baby but I will that banana oh that’s hysterical come on in I’m Sheila cornhole and this is the Mitchell and web glamfam Salesforce
Forgive my naive but what’s Mitchell and web we sell eyeliner lipstick skin cream an opportunity I have to say I think you two would make a great addition to the exciting bottom tier of our pyramid shaped business scheme just the phone Lady it’s in the back your sister might not care but
You’d be silly not to take care of that beautiful skin of yours it’s a radiant oh I wish I could cut it off and slap it on my own face oh that’s an interesting compliment oh Franny you’re going to love downtown every block is full of grime there’s peep shows wank palaces
And stroke domes as far as the I can see I don’t know Roger I can see pretty far but there’s one blowjo Dojo that rises above the rest Doo’s jerk a porium on 29th all right cool the chitchat we’re downtown you know the rules eyes on the ground head on a swivel helicopter
Arms fugger hi there I can tell by the way you’re swallowing your wallet that you haven’t been downtown recently yeah so I’m an official downtown greeter and I’m here to put you at ease downtown’s all cleaned up now no no no no now now where’s all the
Grime what you do with the grime it’s gone thanks to gentrification some people don’t like that word but it’s okay because they don’t live here anymore he’s stealing that bike pimp no pimps downtown these bikes are free courtesy off the city huh maybe downtown’s changing a rat maybe not no
Look how well dressed he is downtown’s changing thanks girls I’ll hit you up when I need refills good thing we broke down here in the suburbs dad says tripa they won’t even go downtown damn this banana is tasty shoot I left my lucky test pencil in there Sheila
Tracy just looking for my pencil Colette Beatrix Michaela Dawn Fawn Grover fingers that’s weird where’ they all go Chomper is that you this is what happens when you don’t meet your Sal goals Tracy I didn’t have time my fa we’re your family Tracy and I am sorry for our loss do it Chopper oh my God why did they do that to Tracy maybe her fetish was getting chopped to brains maybe we saw something wonderful hey you two can hide my house out and find those kids don’t let them get out of LLY Meadows Alive down Here who’s here please help us what the do you guys live down here oh yeah you ever been to Tokyo those cool new pod hotels that’s what this is cool no you idiot we’re enslaved unlock our cages what’s going on down there the keys on
The wall quick I still think I can get it with my chicken bone thingy yes we’re saved so I see you found my collection no no no no no no no no the keys just throw the keys back in business just stop Jerry what else am I going to do
Gabriel apparently there’s a brunch spot up here that serves eggs Benedict in a shovel do you get to keep the shovel you have to H up both of you we’re now in the heart of the old juren District this is where all the jeren was they used to
Have to Chisel the walls clean it was like the Golden Gate Bridge by the time you got done cleaning one end it was time to start on the other look the perves are all still lined up which means just around the corner is guzo jerk up quality Coffee
Roasters who the hell are you where’s guzo I’m trer downtown’s changing I own this slow Ro drip 4 dry age coffee shop all the coffee is s single origin and the gelato is 100% artisanal art penis hole is he still kicking around finally a name from the past you said artisanal
I knew it right from the start I’m so sorry sir but this table is taken table yes this hydrant is a micro restaurant and we are fully booked DTC that stands for downtown’s changing everyone downtown is saying I get it I get it too a senior center we can get help there
Okay we’ve got an 88 Skylar glce which means you’ll be having sex with Martin what exactly is happening here we’re swapping partners and Ean you want in just so you know nothing really works down there anymore so we just kind of smoosh everything together good god what
The is going on in this neighborhood prepare to die say no more Steve the keys oh God wrinkles let’s try that one it’s a Buick I need keys to a Buick they’re all Buick hurry Steve try These We lost her we ain’t going to die we going to live forever why I was stopped on the train track she must have shot the engine jump woo got one oh thank God a police station so let me get this straight you watched as a vicious gang of middle-aged makeup sales
Women murdered a soccer mom in Cold Blood that’s right Chief and it was all run by an evil mastermind named Sheila cornhole I never did trust people who wear makeup it’s like what do you hiding lady what are you hiding clown we’re going to need to know what this cornhole looks
Like here’s paper and a pencil you want me to draw it yeah our sketch artist went missing keep an eye out for him he looks like that I did that one see not so hard you start drawing and I’m going to go put an APB out in this cornhole
Character okay there’s still time to get to my test what no you can’t go back out there those women have Uzi Steve I haven’t seen one of those things since Rush Hour 2 who knows what else they have they could have Jackie Chan that test is important important enough to
Die for forget about your stupid test you only think it’s stupid because you never took it just like you never never went to a real college or got a real job oh subhub isn’t real then why do I have all this turkey underneath my fingernails Sheila it’s me I found the
Kids you’re looking for wait who’s in the car with you oh I know that’s not a book on tape It’s Chomper I know her laugh because I don’t trust her she calls me the queef of police there’s no way she could mean that in a nice way Am I late for the test the test starts in 2 hours sign in here I guess that’s enough time to get situated what the why are you signing in with a makeup pencil silly I don’t know I got it from the police station it’s Mitchell and web I recognize it because my sister-in-law
Sells them she’s a beautiful mean lady but this is the chief’s pencil that means she’s inah Hoots with Sheila oh my God what you’re talking about just sounds so bad I have to go help Hy but it’s the ppsat you don’t think I know that my sister needs me there’s not a
Moment to spare Better how am I going to get in there you need help ah what are you doing here relax I’m afraid and I’m the only one who knows the truth about what’s really going on in this neighborhood even though everyone thinks I’m crazy name’s crazy Bob I got a thousand cats a
Thousand is that an exact figure yes the cops have been grilling your sister in there trying to find you now I got a plan to take care of the cops but I wasn’t counting on all those makeup ladies well there’s one thing those makeup ladies can’t resist potential
Customers and I know some people with terrible skin in a Cellar nearby the people locked in that basement of of course you know about them I know everything that goes on around here my cats tell me come on let’s go jump down my cats will catch you last chance tell me where your
Brother is I told you I don’t know you expect me to believe that you think I don’t know that siblings communicate telepathically you think I haven’t seen escape from wi Mountain oh I’m going to enjoy doing this now I just have to find a battery or a bathtub and a haird dryer
If I can’t find that then I’ll just rub my feet on the carpet for 10 minutes don’t you have a taser you shouldn’t have told me that all right get out there let those women see your gross skin and the rest should take care of itself then we can
Go back to our cages again you can go anywhere you want Oh My look at all that pale untouched skin hey splotchy how much time would you say you spend on your beauty regimen each day step two cats attack that’s a lot of cats I’ve been training them for this
For years they’ll neutralize the officers tying them down with bits of yarn then we wal ride in and snag your sister uh Bob damn never worked at training either well time for Plan B why did I agree to plan B it’s [Applause] working Steve we got to get out of here
The police chief is working with Sheila that’s why I came back for you but your test who cares about that stupid test you were in trouble I’m sorry we should have stuck together don’t worry I’m going to get you to that test maybe hospital no test Please hospital I’m
Going to get you shud to that test Hospital you’re not going anywhere now let’s get your brother to that test Hospital hey wen’t we supposed to be looking for Steven Haley Francine that doesn’t matter anymore look how skinny the chef is that’s what’s important now so good I guess I should just face it downtown as I knew it is dead and buried n a drop of seaman has splashed
On these sidewalks for a decade or longer I give in one scoop of handcrafted pistachio gelato please right this way okay whip it out whip it out handcrafted gelato is code for a handy J you bet you Roger’s getting a handy although now that it’s right in front of
Me I think I’d rather have the gelato maybe downtown hasn’t changed maybe I’ve changed see you back at the table I Guess bye Haley friends forever Steve wake up we’re here you got to take your test don’t worry I got you uh I’m Steve Smith never kissed a girl probably never will I’m here to take some test I knew you’d be back You’re Just in Time mails here and I would like to say once again that bringing in the mail should be someone else’s responsibility I am by far the least equipped Steve your test results thanks again for having my back a zero o that’s not good Steve you get 200 points just for
Spelling my name right not my name how should I know how to spell it my future’s ruined not as much as that Sheila lady she got blowned up Hey where’s Stan oh he bought a loft downtown good morning beautiful forget all your Tres forget all your car so go
Down will be great when You’re banana Sheri banana Sheriff how about a banana Sheriff a banana that does sound good what’s wrong with my bananas oh right dear God a suspicious package banano Sheriff not now man clear the beach go for bomb unit steady don’t rush it damn it he got spooked phew just the white devil
Everyone can go back to handing each other different Fruits really I mean what the are we doing here us feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day the Sun in the sky has a smile on his face and shin a salute to the American race oh boy it’s well to say good morning USA I am so jealous you guys are going to the game I can’t believe the Bazooka sharks made the playoffs that’s what the 5we regular season was all about three and two baby sure there’s no extra ticket damn sure that there is one what and it’s going to my boy Steve why would
You bring me yeah nobody loves the zuk more than clouse I bleed silver and ocean lime clouse you’re not coming because you’re wearing a t-shirt Jersey oh the guy at Marshall said this was the real deal dad take the fish I’m almost through my annual reread of the Joy Luck
Club Now Steve I need a human torso dick has community service so you have to step in as our a R A what’s the team name the ragamuffins yeah Marshall’s customer service please it doesn’t exist so we’re just going to hang out in the parking lot for 3 hours before the
Game no Steve we’re also going to pound Jagger bombs and maybe get into a fist fight with a middle-aged woman it’s called tailgating excellent you brought the child as we discussed what are you doing stop it look at that blank canvas Dad wait Steve’s right if anyone’s going to spray
His a it should be his father tickets tickets need tickets I got them have tickets I want them thanks Roger but we’re good got a great pair on the 50- yard line handicap Zone need a wheelchair I got it have a wheelchair I want it need a high protein snack on the
Go try walnuts H we’re just here for the tailgate we don’t really care about football oh I can make you care you just need a little skin in the game what I’ll take that action put you down for a dime on the sharks a dime on the Sharks smart
B they got a lot of heat coming out of the regular season three and two baby this is going to be incredible been looking forward to it all week the game not the pee I peed a couple days ago remember to toss a penny in before you
Leave ew that splashed me dude that’s eight months of good luck could you move down a little bit oh I’m the weirdo you haven’t Peter drop the whole time I’ve been watching when’s the game going to start not until Sky koner says it does it’s day honey yeah we didn’t know who
T some say the ropes don’t keep him from falling to the Earth but rather from flying to the heavens some say take his head off kill him let [Applause] us that was Savage is he all right he’s dead welcome to the shark Nest baby mama you like this hell yeah I
Like shark ball on the 30 the dryers ice cream atorium we got a free scoop at halftime the Widow picks the flavor Here Comes Johnny the quarterback that’s Juan Consuelo AKA Johnny concussion without a doubt the greatest player in arena football history probably no one keeps [Applause] records
Dad Mr concussion isn’t moving is he dead too brain dead maybe real dead no way Johnny concussion always gets back up bazooka sharks fans looks like Johnny’s out cold Let’s help him shake out those cobwebs Fu [Applause] good see he’s totally fun this is bar bar and you’re cheering for it I think I’m going to be sick do you have something with the essence of Ginger or or anything to settle a rumbly tumbly I got a zuka Zinger that’s gold schagger and Mountain Dew maybe just some
Nachos and take your time I’m in no rush to Johnny concussion excuse me young lady could you point me toward the field the field what what’s wrong with you you almost died on the field yeah the field that’s where Johnny Goes do you have any idea what concussions do to your brain
They’re killing you you’re looking at me am I supposed to do something am I supposed to throw a football John where’d you go your team needs you okay Johnny you want to get back to the field it’s right through here I can’t go back without my
Johnny anyone care for a nacho oh Steve it’s terrible Johnny concussion is missing oh no they’re putting in the backup quarterback Donny forfeit don’t do it gby I got to do it I don’t have a choice red f two homaha shark scorp why didn’t we draft
Him the season’s over Steve tell me the truth they write two letters on me because I’m fat last night after the pizza Rockets defeated the Bazooka sharks the town of Aberdine came together for a night of terrifying but well-deserved rioting this is shameful that’s should be our elementary school on fire I can’t
Believe Johnny concussion disappeared in the middle of the game yeah that’s weird but it’s a mystery we don’t have time to solve what with indoor lacrosse season only a month off laser rats baby I bleed tangerine and Ratz red lacrosse is for girls you’re a girl look they found
Johnny concussion Johnny your surprise midgame retirement shocked everyone take us through your decision honestly I I didn’t make the decision my guardian angel did guardian angel Angel oh yeah my angel said concussions were killing me and I had to stop playing he had Angel glasses and a high-pitched Angel
Voice I’m going to be late for school it was this little baby with a giant a painted on his little baby chest so the Hunt is on for Johnny’s Guardian Angel wait I’m receiving word that it’s Steve Smith thanks Francine it’s your fault our season’s
Over I just gave him the fact you should leave Steve and come back right after school cuz I’ll always be loved here hey Steve since I’ll never see your [ __ ] again I might as well tell you I’m the one who snaked all your kitkats last Halloween I’m
Choking Steve my dearest friend you must save me in a school fire you got to know what you want cuz the clock is ticking but I nailed it I got an overhead projector a hand turkey by Emily C and two dozen smoke damage copies of hatchet you were
A part of those riots in aine a part how dare you I picked the targets I set the fires I was an integral part oh okay yeah I was a part but I was excited it’s not every day you win a big Sports bet
Oh right I owe you a dime just grab it out of the change bowl is there $1,000 cash in that bowl cuz that’s what a dime is in gambler’s lingo who knows that everyone knows that babe I thought you were crazy to make that I almost said something I’ll never be
Able to pay you $1,000 sure you will and here’s how whoa we were just in the kitchen you put a taxi meter in my car yep and you’re going to pay me back for that too but I don’t want to be a cab driver if it makes you feel any better
Behind the wheel of every taxi is a sad confused person who was tricked into a bet they didn’t understand you’re on the clock for the next 10 hours here’s a peac cup and some rigatoni I made last week I would try to eat it today there’s no visible mold but things are are Happening sorry I’m late a principal in a bazooka shark Jersey stopped me in the hall ate my entire bag lunch and then told me my mama’s cooking sucks things are getting a little hot for me boys but as long as we all stick together you’ll be able to absorb some
Of that heat follow me I don’t think so I said it in a weird way picture this the whole town is freezing Me Out Boys we can’t help you Steve we’re huge Johnny concussion fans what Johnny had has a half asian girlfriend and I respect the hell out of
That the dad is Asian Steve do you understand that is this the the the girlfriend’s parents wedding photo I mean is this sold in stores this is the dad here we are at the Museum wonderful and you owe me nothing for the ride since you won’t let me turn the meter on
Right right right right right you need paying customers to pay me back right obviously I’ll get out of your hair 138 and Le so you drive a cab huh that’s cool I love to dance I love to feel people’s eyes on me I had a little bit to drink
Tonight ah Long Island Ice teas right they’re so sweet but the boys keep buying them for me if my fiance knew he’d kill all of them he’s Dominican he’s crazy the sex is good though he calls me his little chihuahua when I was a kid my dad beat the [ __ ] out of
Me hey thanks for reaching out to us happy to have you on our show well I just wanted a chance to tell my side of the story I think you’re doing the right thing welcome back to the fist Langley’s home for sports radio where I’m joined by Steve Smith the little bastard Who
Tricked Johnny concussion into retiring oh what can you pinpoint the exact moment you decided to destroy the very fabric of this community I wasn’t trying to destroy anything he he was wandering around in a days because you drugged him no I didn’t give Johnny any drugs because you needed them all for yourself
If you’re just joining us Steve Smith is here and he’s high on the drugs he was planning to use on Johnny concussion none of that is true I just helped a guy who was in bad shape any decent person would have done it Mike in lanston
What’s your two cents uh yeah I think it’s too bad the boys on drugs cuz I want them to feel what I’m going to do to them strong take Mike stay on the line we’re going to hook you up with some laser rats tickets oh my God I’m
Going to the rat Hive Randy what do you think of Steve Smith a him want to murder no one needs to die not me not Johnny it’s just a game just a game really was World War II just a game my grandfather was born in the 40s so I find what
You’re suggesting deeply offensive caller can you reason with this animal Steve Smith is a scumbag Mom I’m done this town has gone completely insane if anyone wants to continue the conversation Steve will be leaving by our Southeast exit in about 30 seconds hurry up where am I going to go where am
I going to go me Too that’s the boy we agreed to kill dad drive the boy towards me it’s fine first time throwing a bolo not going to beat myself up for missing it’s important to try new weapons [Applause] can I help you is it possible to mail a human to the other side of the world it
Is the policy of Packages Etc to not ship humans but since you are not human but in fact human Garbage I’d love to put you in a box all right you said your pece just [ __ ] me how does overnight sound probably my best chance of getting there alive well that’s not how you’re
Going phew just the white devil everyone can go back to handing each other different fruits okay Steve this is your only chance to make a first impression I’m Here where are you from box boy I come from a land Far Far Away many moons across the Great Sea a place called America I know where the United States is we’re not Primitives oh you’ll need to get fitted for a dick pouch no need
I’m exactly the size of a c battery boy this is great I’m getting away from a very fraught situation so chilling out and enjoying a little island life is just what I need on this island everybody works baskets so what am I the distribution guy get him into stores no no you make
The baskets I don’t have any training I’m still kind of a little boy come on it’s easy over under over under finished H if I could give you some criticism it’s a little small also it took you 3 months oh uh while I got you
Here Munga I wanted to put in a vacation request huh when were you thinking any couple of days within the next can’t do it I hadn’t seen my brother in months almost forgotten his face the streets were becoming my brother Haley you paid me off two days ago you don’t have to
Keep D but I did have to keep driving because as I was saying the streets were becoming my brother it had been days since Haley watched Master Chef junr with me I told her I’d wait for her but I didn’t I couldn’t Payton made a sule 8 years old making a sule imagine
That okay can I just say something I know one of you ate my fish and it’s buming me out a little bit because I wrote my name on it ah I just bent a read on my base Stitch is it me or is management giving
Us a lot of dry reads lately forget work the volcano’s active oh will it kill us all that might be nice if you’re looking to sacrifice a virgin your prayers have been answered no it’s Boulder pushing season every time the volcano erupts each Village sends their strongest man and they race
To push a boulder into it does that like stop it from exploding no it’s just fun mic’s from our village hey I’ve seen him around aunti Micah yeah yeah yeah Wow volcano is so steep can’t believe how strong they are uhoh our boy’s in Trouble oh no yeah M kill him [Applause] we did it we won look how excited everyone is and why cuz they’re not basket weaving I get it now people spend all day at work The Daily Grind the rat race the old punch in punch out and the
Only relief is the promise of the weekend when you get together with your sad friends numb yourself with enough V to kill a horse and watch an athlete do the physically impossible or get Gravely injured trying and that’s where you come in Johnny concussion will you strap on the
Pads again be the shiny something that distracts us from our crappy lives they tell me that’s the ball for my first touchdown okay kid I’ll do it what about my dead brain okay kid I’ll do it that’s my Johnny another late hit Johnny really has him frustrated you did a good thing getting
Johnny back on the field Steve thanks Dad and I’m sorry your job makes you so sad what you shake it to the left you shake it to the right my wife she cing cheating now I sleep here at night oh yeah it’s at the jumo TR W bye have a beautiful time
Whoa check out that pair that guy has even bigger ones good eye Barry those are the best Cals we’ve seen all day just think after we get our calf implants from Dr Calgary we’ll be the ones admired by all the school boys in the Park oh it’s 10 we better get to the
Big bush if we want to avoid the rush Lil Pete today we’re pulling out we’ve been saving our money for a year to get calf implants together hey there’s only 300 here because Steven Smith withdrew $100 last week you what I’m sorry I didn’t know how to tell you but
There was a sale on F Raven backpacks I was powerless I mean look how cool it is wait you’re wearing it now yeah duh look it’s made from the scrotum of a duck see toi likes it good morning USA I got a feeling that it’s going to
Be a wonderful day the sun and the sky has a smile on his face and he’s shining a salute to the American race oh boy it’s well to say good morning USA how could you Steve we were supposed to get perfect Cals as a group listen I know what I did was kind of selfish but I figured out how to make some fast cash so we can still get our calf implants the help wanted section of the paper is
An untapped Gold Mine Pachanga Morango we got a winner human crash test dummy sounds like a blast I’m in it sounds dangerous oh less crashy more rashy penis cream test you’re wanted cream is delicious I’m in how about this one man stares at you for 10 bucks an hour
Anything that easy must be a sex thing that’s been my experience I’m in finger blast psychology experiment pays $25 for a weekend and it’s at our school it’s only $25 Steve we’d all have to do it to make up for your mistake hey we’re friends and as a sign of good faith you
Can each store one item in my backpack it has to be really small though cool let me put in this tungsten molecule whoa tungsten that’s uh quite a few protons Barry can’t blame a guy for trying I have news about the cia’s longtime groundskeeper Billy cloops kopy
That guy’s amazing let me guess he got laid yes St he did get laid to rest low five it turns out cloops had no living relatives and since you’re the only one who seems to know who he was I guess it’s up to you to throw out his one
Worldly possession in other news our air conditioner repairman Danny kgill did get laid and it was epic anyone who wants to hear the details meet me in my office wait for me the ad said the experiment started here in the big red circle now we’re just waiting for Dr F Lance
Schuman hi I suppose I could have chosen a closer door damn it’s Roger but we need the money hello hi of each other no matter if we’re guards or prisoners let’s divide you up you’re a guard guard oh man looks like we got to be the inmates guard definitely then I’m the only
Yeah [ __ ] need more people okay so we know we have our guards over here which means over here we have our guard guard guard damn it okay this time I’m just going to alternate words so there are no mistakes guard guard guard guard guard guard guard
Okay we did it prisoners guards in our prison this gym is the yard the locker rooms are the cells and the equipment room is the equipment room just stay out of there there’s nothing in there but a parachute a stack of cones some floor hockey sticks bunch of loose flag
Football belts damn it now I want to go in there no no you have an experiment and go make data for my binders I guess we should get the inmates to their cells number three get to your cell okay buddy I’m not your buddy pal I don’t understand number three down
On all fours Mount Your horsey number one I do not like this nay number three nay Like a Horsey wow this is escalating quickly good data good data wish I had a pen and not a green plastic soldier honey I’ve been meaning to ask you what’s with the blower he’s in
Mourning cloops died what’s a cloops cloops was a man Haley a man who your father was very close to yeah well I want to get right close to those mashed potatoes hook me up jeez Haley save some for the rest of us people say it sucks to be in prison
But I think it’s fun I’m going to make billion title kiss again bad news you were so hard on the prisoners they all quit but but G good news massive upgrade on the prisoner front because it turns out you can rent real prisoners as long
As you keep an eye on them and promise they won’t get out which is perfect cuz you guys are guards meet Fang bone saw and Nathaniel experiment back on you’re mine now get ready to slide this is incredible the prisoners have seized power power from the guards how did this happen yesterday we
Were fake guards and now we’re real prisoners maybe this is part of the experiment Barry’s right I know a few things about F Lance Schuman and there’s no way he lost control of the experiment I’ve lost control of the experiment and what’s worse I lost control of my
Binders we’re in charge now and we’re going to drag this experiment out till the first stay at school but we’ll miss the prison talent show uh yeah and all the bad food and the cold showers and all that darn smoking we have to do to look Tough Dan I know cloops meant a lot to you but you have to talk about this if it festers inside you’ll damn my mouth got real big I can’t watch you do this anymore Stan you’re pushing us Away Barry hungry Barry hasn’t eaten in almost half an hour this is inhumane hey we need some food our friends about to die this is Dr Schuman now I need my binders to record this boy’s death oh God stick with us son the binders are coming shut up in here he needs
Food we all demand food and binders oh so everyone’s standing up to me except for eyes over there Steve stand with us sometimes my hearing goes away I can’t hear what my my friends say what are you doing and one of those times is today oh we got a little song bird
Here guys I know everyone’s bombed we’re missing the prison talent show but fear not I brought a little song bird I thought I was your song bird why would you think That wow look at this Pantry they’ve got sand Mar anos mozzarella white truffles lunch lady been holding out on us you can cook Songbird I’m sick of all these meat popsicles those are frozen Salsbury steaks you’re supposed to heat them in the oven oh jro Dreams of Sushi over
Here the kitchen is yoursong bird it is time to say good night to Napoli it’s hard for us to whisper going with that old Moon above the mediterran sorry we didn’t save you any Steve oh I’m good I ate with Fang and the guys the guys what are they your
Best friends now maybe you should go get calf implants with them what no they have great calvs already uh look I’m um trying to get on their good side so I can get us all out of here uh whoa is Dr Schuman okay you got anyone waiting for you on
The outside I got a sweet little lady okay um you rest up buddy there’s a little pocket on the inside for papers that you don’t know where they go yet I’m sorry I have a really clear memory of you dying in an escal accident doesn’t sound like something i’ do so
How can I help you this morning it’s Stan ever since cloops died he won’t say a word and he won’t take that blower off yes I see classic seven stages of blowing I have an idea Stan I understand that you don’t want to talk do you mind if I have a
Word with your Blower how are you [Applause] he’s still in there I’d be bored if I weren’t so hungry I wonder what’s taking Steve so long I hope he’s okay please don’t please I can’t handle it you’re killing me Barry get over here the last time I went to my doctor’s
Bot I had to take off all my boobs please these mad lims are too funny fresh towels so you guys can shower those are napkins yeah for drying your ungrateful bodies what we saw you laughing it up with your buddies yeah it’s all part of the plan they’re
Starting to give me more freedom which I’m going to use to find us a way out of here well hurry up Steve the doctor’s losing it d data data data data data data data data I’ve encoded the data can’t believe snot those guys think I only look out for myself I only ever
Think of them oh Bona loves Hen of the Woods mushrooms bang olives No oh sweet free Olive the drain is a way out I got to Free the guys oh man Do’s guarded well I’ve done everything I could should be a straight shot to the Street how did the olive know which way to go sweet sunlight the sun is so loud today welcome to the pizza party Bud experiment’s over but Fang Bona Nathaniel they’re criminals White Collar their real names are Frank Bernie and nut cutter they’re being rehabilitated by the system so
There was no real danger the only real part was when you ditched your friends that was real real up help yourself to some pizza all that’s left is the barbecue chicken it’s a southern take on an Italian classic you love it nobody else did but you will good experiment good experiment good
Experiment good experiment this is only three bucks you said 25 minus the expenses did you like eating your pizza off Teen Titans plates but we need a 100 bucks so we won’t have enough money for our calf implants well the three of us have enough money what I thought we were
Going to do this together oh now you’re interested in doing things together well here’s some money to get you started once again I have no idea why I’m doing what I’m doing Stan I want to congratulate you on the Swift progress you’ve made but now it’s time to take off the blower not
Ready but maybe you can grieve for him another way I’m listening you mentioned cloops always wanted to blow the central quad but he didn’t have the security clearance Stan you have that clearance it’s me the great Billy cloops thank you for making my dream come true Stan now blow me to Heaven old [Applause] Friend [Applause] what do you know I do feel better guys you’re right leaving you behind wasn’t my finest hour I know I don’t deserve Cavs but we’re still best friends uh correction we are still best friends I’m so sorry for what I did you’re very very generous with your
Sorries but selfish with everything else that was remarkably well put Barry don’t patronize me oh God it was terrible merch withdrew his nunchucks and then he robbed me with him but he left the money no you [ __ ] he took everything the bush is empty that money would have been in our
Cales by now if it weren’t for you Steve you ruined our lives we never want to see you again it’s good to know I can at least still count on you Tosh uh no thank you no yes no no no now you’ve lost me Tosh but we’re cool
Right so that’s when I realized I had been selfish and now I need to earn $300 for my friends Cales it’s not for drugs usually it’s for drugs well if friendship is a drug here’s $4 you said 20 there’s going to be a pizza party apply it to area
Okay and how soon till it takes effect it burns it burns Dr slippy your penis burning cream works we going to be [Applause] rich I got another hour in me if you do I do this is an experiment in pain tolerance the more more pain you take
The more money you make fine but there better not be a pizza party at the end of this oh no no no no pizza party you’ll get your full half of the money half we’re both working are you being selfish again no no I’m not give me the
Shocks and keep them coming oh selfish boy wants all the shocks Roger okay okay I’m shocking I’m shocking all right here’s the first shock I’ve never seen the movie Titanic just kidding here’s a real one give me another one coming right I almost have enough money I’m almost
There yeah I’m almost there too turning the voltage up a fair warning this one might burn your brain might be a brain burner whatever it takes my friends need their calves I said I’m ready shock me how’s this for a shock we’re friends again Steve it’s over you’ve Pro prove to us
You’re not selfish but I almost got your money we don’t care about the Cals anymore we just want our friend back and we want him back alive I don’t deserve friends like you no you don’t but you got them anyways Barry why’d you put a belt around the doctor’s neck that was
Already there I was conducting an experiment I can’t believe Dr Calgary gave us all calf implants for 50 bucks and through in butt implants for Free check out the lower leg lollipops on those big boys I think I’m going to like high school it’s good to be back with my best buds four-way high Five a great Night good morning USA I got a feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day the Sun in the sky has a smile on his face and he’s shining a salute to the American race oh boy it’s SW to say good morning You you you guys Devon Devon is Retiring who the hell is Devon who the he’s our mailman the only man who’s delivered mail to this house for my entire life is shorts were always the harbinger of Summer I could kill you right now weren’t you supposed to quit crying for New Year’s oh I’m sensitive it’s a
Desirable trait In some cultures in France maybe oh my God move to France go the hell to France Stan you were supposed to give up yelling for New Year’s but I love yelling it feels good and it’s good for you that’s why Sam Kennison lived so
Long I swear to God you too uh mom weren’t you supposed to give up smoking yeah well you were supposed to give up junk food oh it’s okay Mrs S and you were supposed to give up hugs is it such a flaw that I want to hug everyone I see
If you’re not a special Olympian then yes this family sucks we never do anything we say we’re going to do just look at the popsicle stick White House we started six years ago popsicles hey let’s all quit our jobs and buy an ice cream truck just drive around making kids happy that’s a
Great idea we are totally doing this I’m a kid I’ll Google it tomorrow see what a truck with cost or maybe the next day tomorrow’s kind of busy gosh it sounds really complicated you know what we tried let’s just forget it yeah I don’t really care I don’t know what we were
Thinking yeah good idea not a good idea Marty gr [ __ ] I’m having a party at my bar I got beads of Plenty so I want to see all your tatas except you Haley you have the worst boobs they’re like 90% nips like two dark castles with tiny little
Moes Marty gr that means lent starts tomorrow this is our chance to give up our viices again what the hell is Lent lent is the period between Marty Gro and Easter it’s a time of prayer and introspection people give up things for the 40 days of Lent to get closer to God
Or remember Jesus’s sacrifice no no no no no no no I don’t appreciate you tainting my booby holiday with God stuff come on guys what do you say let’s give it another try for Lent no yelling No Cry fying No Junk Food No hugs and I’ll quit smoking and we’ll really
Follow through this time I don’t know to high not into it I do what she says okay fine if you do this I’ll let everyone get peeing their pants drunk at Roger’s marra yeah let’s get in line so we’re the first ones there deputy director Bullock what are you doing here are you
Kidding me I hear this is the best party of the year what the hell Avery you didn’t save my place I’ve been waiting with you for like 3 days when you went off to get your Frito pie I had time to think and my thought was I hate
You at be y hooray last chance to get our vices Out oh I’m going to miss crying so much am I drunk what’s in this cake run it’s also in this Needle another shot the prince of MiG demands it ah I’m yelling so do you and Greg plan to give up butt play for Lent um we don’t consider that a vice it’s an act of laugh a well there’s the difference then I’m giving it up for Sure I fell in love last night clous tell me everything no tell me the highlights it was magical she had breasts like I’ve never seen before we danced all night but when midnight came she ran off before I could get her name you were smashed man you kept
High-fiving that black guy he was not into it clouse this pasty it’s hers she was wearing it the most perfect bosom I’ve ever seen wore this pasty last night I have to find the booby that fits this pasty so I can spend the rest of my life
Happily ever after with its owner oh maybe she’ll have a friend yeah and I’m sure she’ll want to get with a fish look you got to start being more realistic okay now grab your heralding trumpet and meet me in the pumpkin Carriage I don’t feel that hung over
Guess I can handle my alcohol better than you guys oh yeah pubic hair and mayonnaise ice cream hey that guy that guy’s going to get a piece of my mind he’s got glasses I’m going to call him a nerd going to start with that Dan remember you’re
Giving up yelling for Lent look we’re doing do this and we’re all going to stick with it this time right guys whoa look at that American Dad cares Francine maybe we’ll all just give up making you happy for Lent would that make you happy Smiths good lent to you
How are the sacrifices going yeah it turns out we’re going to blow that off I’m afraid that wouldn’t be in your best interest you made a deal with me last night to make sure I help you follow through like you give a rat’s ass what anyone does you’ve stolen babies and
Sold them to underground dinner clubs oh dare you that was pillow talk oh I’ll admit it I’m a degenerate I love drugs and drinking and gambling and my model Compass always points South yeah but during Lent I repent and that makes up for the rest of the year this
Year my Lenton promise is making sure you keep your Lenton promises you all agreed you signed a contract what contract oh yes you were quite drunk I was afraid you may not remember so I documented everything while this loads did you guys ever think of this Sylvester Stallone’s name is
Sylvester up top my dog that contract you sign says I get to cut off a finger of the first person who cracks you’re full of it you’re not really going to cut off anyone’s finger oh gross yes I started collecting when I was in Vietnam two summers ago I
Was on a sex tour did not get laid had zero game just kept cutting off fingers you want to cut off our fingers one finger the finger of the first person who doesn’t keep their lent and promise I hope it’s the boy why I envy
Your youth hey hey come on this is a good thing this is our chance to finally follow through on something and now there are real consequences if someone slips up I’ve installed cameras all over your house to track your every move and not to worry Francine there are
No manyi cameras in your tampon so all good to go there Make way for the prince of Migra my good man I’m looking for the maiden who fits this pasty so I may maketh her my wife uhhuh none of my girls were anything like this but there is one stripper here may be able to help you she’s been in
The business for decades she’s wise as ass Fair one it is rumored you know of all things stripper this is not the Pasty of a stripper it’s handmade this pasty belonged to a civilian thank you wise one a hey penny for your troubles Plinko Nothing like a nice movie night to take our minds off land huh gang let’s see what we got oh Lucas nope that’ll make me cry okay Field of Dreams no way it’s too close to home I was never close to my father do you have to eat that junk food
Right in front of my face I need it so I don’t smoke nope nope Steve please come kindly please find a movie and stop flipping channels before I ring the last breath out of your very very very annoying body thank you very much thanks I can’t be near that popcorn just get it
Out of my face Well Done Haley throw out the Temptation throw out the devil in all of you Mr bulock sir please let us off the hook I know it’s difficult young man of course if you’d rather I just take a finger from one of you that will satisfy our contract
Oh and I was watching the shower cam Jeff quick question why do you only shave your left goose egg I’m doing it now too and I want to know the reason why okay Mr Simmons if you’ll step away from the mamogram machine I have one more important test oh all right sir I
Said you could try three nipples and then you’d have to go fine but as long as I’m here your breasts are full of spiders perfect that’s the way I like them Hey how’s daddy’s little trooper this sucks Dad I know kiddo listen I get that this is hard for you but you’re such a sweet good boy that’s why I want you to let Bullock take your finger what you heard him as soon as he gets his finger
He’ll leave and we’ll all be off the hook so just give up and let him have your finger for me for Papa forget it man okay we’re at an impass but someone in this house has to crack and give bulock their finger because not being
Able to yell is giving me very tiny hard poops babe where’s my hat you’re wearing it of course the [ __ ] the [ __ ] cheff Mr s Jeff Jeffrey I don’t think I tell you enough how honored I am to have you in my family really I just
Wish there was some physical way I could express our familial closeness oh Mr S I love you Jeff Fisher meet love halfway Jeff babe no you’re in preh hug they’re trying to sabotage you well two can play it that game Obama has done amazing things with Healthcare soon our medical
System will be as good as Canada’s it’s been s hours 15 days no you took your love away the saddest song ever dad help hang on son I’m coming I go out every night and sleep all day you took your love that’s right Steve your father
Betrayed you hurt let it out buddy Jeff Steve’s about to go down cuz nothing compares nothing compar can’t he w’t cry can’t hear won’t cry what the hell is going on in here they’re trying to make me break what what is wrong with you people Lind is only 37 more
Days people are stressing me out and I can’t smoke so I’m going to go sit on the dryer and think about Stamos what are we going to do dad I don’t think we can make it we’ll be fine besides what’s the Worst That Could Happen hey gang I’m holy moly
I just wanted us to be a good family sorry I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was blaming you ha gotcha I don’t understand trickery Steve’s guts a simple garden hose covered in hot sauce what why would you do that so you’d break and we could
End all this after all it was you who dragged us into this in the first place oh did I miss a hot sauce and hose party Francine are you smoking looks like I’m cutting off your finger just one finger from whoever cracked first that was the deal right right out we’re free so
Good stop flipping channels yesterday hey so Francine which finger shall I take this one ooh that is a hard burn on you Smiths all right then I’m off to the kitchen to set up the ceremony and then we’ll chop your pinky off in two shakes Francine you’re shaking like a leaf do you not want to do this it’s okay I have a plan to get you out of here we’re not going to let Bullock
Cut off your finger okay huddle up okay here’s the plan we peel out of the driveway hit the freeway and head for the Border but hold on Francine Here Comes bulock oh man he’s in a Lamborghini Jeff toss me the uzi oh no I forgot it you idiot then we’ll have to
Lose him I’m going to drive straight into the mall not through the puppy store stop Stan I’m not running away from this we made a promise to bulock and for once in our Liv we’re going to be a family that follows through I’m letting him take my
Finger I’m going to warn you guys I get real faint at the sight of blood what you no have you ever seen a sad Prince Claus well Prince Charles was pretty devastated when I’m the saddest Prince there is because I cannot find my true love but hark upon what hopeful Vision
Does my my Royal gaze fall clous My Le it appears we may be nearing the end of our Quest I can’t stop thinking about those spiders and your Boobies good sir is I the prince of Migra be there any Fair maidens in this Cottage why yes indeed I have three uniquely breasted daughters and they all went to your Marty grow ball the prince is here to see all the bosoms in the house Prince father father try my bitty
First no mine try mine it’ll it me I just know it but the crest and the fairy tale Cottage are you sure there are are not any other maidens in the house well I do have a stepdaughter but it couldn’t possibly be her she was not permitted to
Go to the party she was busy doing chores oh my God now I remember it’s you you’re the girl of my Dreams chances are I wish we could live inside this song Forever I did it daughters I married her off and to a prince no less we’re just going to let that guy and his fish take our cow are you ready Francine to pay for your sins I am Francine you have broken your contract with God your family was true
To their word so fully fingered they shall remain Francine you are weak you are a failure you are the very worest no she’s innocent take my finger instead no I’m the worst take mine take my whole hand take my hairy right goose egg my God Smiths what a heroic display
A family coming together to save their matriarch this sacrifice is the true Spirit of Lent I hereby absolve you from any further sacrifice well I get to keep my finger but we broke another promise Francine you were right we promised a finger and for once this family is following
Through well down to seven fingers oh Stan we did it we finally don’t suck I love you let me tour toit that Mr s and so Smiths you have truly seen the message of Lent and that is if you want to please God give up something for 40
Days or cut off a finger then go right back to drinking cursed pillaging raping and doing cocaine my work here is done I built this in your House Bye have a beautiful Time you know I respect their King for putting his face on everything but what is he holding a diamond encrusted inhaler he’s crazy afraid of having asthma attacks and looking poor 10 clicks to the terrorist compound it’s go time now remember we get in range destroy the weapons cash and get out the
Local government should never know we were here but we’ll always know right Stan we’ll always have the memory that’s right Hooper that’s right we sure Will prepare to die building hope you don’t have any building building Kids Stan we got company it’s a giant metal bird move your arms so it doesn’t think we’re worms it’s a drone dick one of ours probably here to film us for some CIA highlight reel everybody look badass oh no the bird’s angry you called it a drone good Morning
USA I got a feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day the Sun in the sky has a smile on his face and he shining a salute to the American race oh boy it’s to say good morning USA us sir we were about to destroy our
Target when a drone flew over us and took it out I know I sent it what I wanted to eliminate all human error I was afraid you’d make a mistake and well machines don’t make mistakes sir if you think machines don’t make mistakes you haven’t seen Herby Goes Bananas Herby’s
Plan worked perfectly Smith he won the race the town was saved and everyone learned to love again but if you knew you were sending a drone why also send us because I too am a human that makes mistakes but don’t worry I’m working on
That ah soon I will be a real robot then will you be happy Papa jetto nothing will I make me a happier than to see my human boy become a soulless a robot boy kids your father’s in Thailand we have the house to ourselves for the
Weekend well I know what I’m going to do a whole lot of nothing I’m with Haley I’m going to do even more nothing than her you couldn’t slow down to my speed if you tried only one way to settle it I propose a slow motion Race Across the
Living room last one to touch the wall wins that sounds stupid I’m in you’re on but if at any point you stop moving you’re out of the race oh I’m all up in this Jam I’ve always been good at moving in slow Motion okay everybody lined up I’m playing too I’ll move in slow motion across my bowl on your mark get set go it was an a not just to compete I used to love post Mission happy hour back before machines took our jobs if they’re only going to send
Machines into the field what’s left for us to do I’m sure they’ll need people to maintain the machines you’re right they’ll need people to water them feed them pick them up from the airport I’m not doing squat for any machine unless it’s a squat machine in which case I’m
Doing three sets of 12 there has to be a way to prove to Bullet that we’re better than machines that’s it we’ll steal the king’s inhaler steal his inhaler sure something a drone could never do that’s a great idea Stan but how are we going to get into that
Painting you’re lucky you’re beautiful Jackson we sure had to knock out a lot of guards to find uniforms that fit yeah I kind of feel like there’s a chance we knocked out so many guards that we don’t really need to be disguise Anymore now all we have to do is take a photo to prove that this is the King’s diamond encrusted inhaler dick you take the picture that way we’ll have proof and you won’t be in the photo great idea I think my phone takes pictures that’s
Crazy right I just have to make it go on just swipe the screen with your finger dick no swipe it with your finger across it swipe it like this like this like this like dick dick like this like this like this like this like this got it okay
Smile wait no I’m in video mode now it’s showing me my own face does this mean I’m on the YouTube Dick I know I know swipe who are you what are you doing in my chamber why don’t I wake up speaking my native tongue guards you’re busted tell it to the guy
Who fixes your windows huh Got to lose him Jackson I’m trying trying your job was to memorize all the best Escape Routes out of town I got it just one more right turn and we are Jackson you idiot you led us straight into the red light district quick ditch the car you boys want to
Slide head into my tunnel back off Harlot I was talking about my secret tunnel that leads outside of the city you seem like you were in danger Hooper you were on safe houses get us to one a it follow Me the safe house is right here we’re good hoopert this isn’t a safe house it’s a Burger King it’s a US Corporation stand which makes a technically us soil they can offer us Asylum and best of all with BK’s new handy BK store locator app it was just a
Click away that plugs on us BK welcome to Burger King may I take your order we’re CIA agents and we require Asylum you know cuz this is American soil I grew up in a pile of straw the only education I have is one week of Burger King training and even I
Know that’s not how the international justice system works but would you like to try our new ber good Milkshake well we had some close calls but we got the king’s inhaler and we got what I’ll say it we got what is hands down the best milkshake in the fast food game hey BK how about a little love coming the other way bulock will have no
Choice but to use us for every mission after he sees what we did hey check it out there’s some sort of of event going on at our hotel maybe it’s a wedding those are cop cars must be a police wedding good thing we’ve got these uniforms we’ll blend right in guys take
Your guns out so we’re not conspicuous you guys are doing great I think maybe we should [ __ ] our guns too Hooper you here yeah I’m here what about Jackson I’m here thank God we’re all safe um I’m here too oh right dick we were with dick guys don’t say
Anything bad about Dick he’s here quit hello losers sorry for calling you losers psych I’m not sorry the torture begins now you’re clearly in Thailand for something more than our Kings inhaler nobody will be that stupid so tell me who are you and what’s you know your deal we’re uh we’re filmmakers yeah
Yeah we’re a film crew scouting locations for a major Hollywood movie he is pulling an Argo sh I haven’t seen it yet well if you are really making a movie then I know from the movie Argo that there will be a production office so what’s the number thank you for calling Burger King
Would you like to try our very good milkshake lie off really Burger King that was your one chance to tell the truth the easy way prepare the interrogation rooms what do you mean like prepare how turn off the One Direction movie and clear everyone out
Turn it off or pause it it isn’t paused you guys kept going great trapped in a super futuristic thae prison this is all your guys’s fault what did we do well why don’t we start with dick who’s so bad at technology he can’t even take a photo with a phone and Jackson instead
Of getting us out of town you led us straight into the most congested part of it and you taking us to Burger King for political Asylum you say that like I took us to Del Taco okay dumb idiots interrogation time now one of you has to stay behind because I only have three
Torture cells technically we have four but we can V one into a hangout room s of a Chill Zone for the God you know what it’s not important you three come with me nobody talk if they start zapping your testicles just try to fall asleep this is incredible hours of
Action and still too close to call if you’re a slow-mo racing fan this is as good as it gets sorry everyone but it’s time for me to pull behind hey whoa what are you doing tripping you so you fall forward wait for it it’s going to take a while No are you guys okay you were gone for 20 hash marks of time Stan you such a good head of hair what what’s wrong with you guys they drugged us bro with true serum oh no tell me you guys didn’t break your talk didn’t Sho I did Stan I
Talked I sang I acted some of it out the missile the inhaler and the CIA that one was hard to act out but the little guy he got it man he got it he’s he’s amazing in trades I talk too we all did I hope you’re happy they’re going to
Kill us and it’s all your fault it is my fault because I didn’t figure out an Escape Route like I was supposed to I was too busy Cruis in the red light district no it’s my fault instead of looking for actual safe house since I
Spent the day bird watching no it was me I can’t even make my phone work remember when my wife and kid left me they told me it was because I was horrible to them but I know it was because I’m bad at computers you know how it’s was a
Strange for my father well after he died I found his journal apparently he was a big bird watcher and the only bird he never spotted was Thailand’s purple breasted puket finch so instead of safe houses I look for my dad’s missing bird and in a bigger way I guess I went
Looking for him I think the reason I was in the red light district was because deep down I just really like giving it to transsexuals no wonder bulock sent a drone to do our jobs he knew you’d screw it up he’s right machines are better than
Us St is your sexy wife come to save you only kidding touch Time kiss the wall ladies you’re out of the game oh man you look away for just 10 minutes and you miss the most exciting moment well that’s slow motion Racing for You do whatever you want to me I’ll never talk I don’t need you to talk your friends already gave me everything I need to execute you all then just kill us and get it over with and end our fun so soon but why would I do that when
I’ve got this oh God how’d you get that you dropped it in the king’s chamber how what’s that that’s Tru s but you already know everything your friends don’t the truth serm will force you to tell them it’s your fault they got caught and it’s your fault the bodies
Are going to be ripped apart by Yaks I won’t I won’t tell them do you want to know the names of the the Yaks yako Yaki o Yaki CH and Yaki Yak Don’t Talk Yak you like the names I came up with for my Yaks you’ve been trained for this stand fight the
Serum oh God they’re the best Yak names I’ve ever heard he’s Ready your friend here has something he wants to share with you you maniac maniac that’s a good name for a yak we must buy another Yak to the yak dealership Stan what was that precious halfman talking about it’s it’s my fault we got caught what is that you know how
I’ve always said bulock determines the rooming list he doesn’t I do I have a point system where I reward you whenever you’re nice to me or say something thought-provoking and the winner gets to room with me and I make sure dick never rooms with me and I wrote it on this
Sheet of paper along with our hotel info which fell out of my pocket in the King’s Room and that’s why they were waiting for us at the hotel you bastard there’s more dick you should know that there is no CIA nightbear that takes human poops that’s been us taking dumps
In your desk all the time I know I just didn’t say anything cuz I like that you cared enough to keep doing it for that many years but the real truth is we shouldn’t even have been in a position to get caught seeing that drone fly past
Us it was like seeing the future a future we’re not part of we’re old and Obsolete and we’re going to die here oh my God that’s the purple breasted puket finch it’s a sign we shouldn’t give up guys this might sound crazy but I think this bird might actually be my
Dead Dad I see that for sure I really wish I could lie to you but I definitely don’t think that’s your dad all right guys let’s get out of here old school style create a distraction and and get the guards to open the door I suggest a fake fight is anyone willing
To get punched in the oh whoa guys I I didn’t volunteer I thought it was going to be dick why are you hitting me because you put us in here because you blamed us because I can’t punch loneliness it worked grab him suckers the joke’s on
You what do we do with the guards I’ll strip them and tie them up wait why strip them why do anything Stan all right let’s use our heads which way look my dad is showing us the way left it is no no other way Daddy just take those old records off for I may have underestimated these Dums but they’re escapable in now the new Yak is here I probably need a sign for him this prison is a Maze Look a map this map is too confusing it’s just too confusing no it’s beautiful
Huh this prison it’s laid out just like a transvestite we just need to follow the tank to Freedom man ain’t that the truth what an amazing race is there anywhere you’d rather be than right here right now for the last 36 hours what at us Steve neck and neck may the best man
Win well that’s going to be me because your weird guts about to hit the wall not if your boner hits it first what I don’t have a boner you’re about to how what are you going to do I don’t have to do anything you’re a teenage boy who
Just heard the word boner it’s already happening no not now not like this oh God not like this damn it yes I won you did Roger but in a way I feel like we all won what wait what because it brought us all all closer together you’re right I thought I
Was in a race but really I was in a family okay I see what’s happening here yeah you’re trying to screw me out of my victory we all heard his dick hit the wall this is it this room is the taint or nacho depending on where you grew up
The exit should be at the other side of that door but the door can only be open using a password protected computer there’s no way for us to get through yes there is you’re up dick it’s a computer Stan dick doesn’t know how to use those
Yeah what is that thing a Commodore 64 million just sit down at that computer and follow your heart okay let’s see Safari that sounds exciting oo I could use some adult friends oh no dick wait no let him go punch the monkey whoa first try guys a diplomat just sent me an investment
Opportunity hurry up dick hurry why is this lady in a bathtub contacting me on Facebook sorry guys I crashed the computer I knew you could do it buddy so this is where I work oh no my Dum Dums go Byebye boys never forget what got us out of that prison human human error triumphing over machines you know it’ll be a damn shame to go home without that inhaler welcome back D Dums you’re never going to break through that wall with a spoon dick H did anyone order an awesome rescue bulock what happened to you you something that should have happened a long time ago now climb aboard let’s get the hell out of here anyone know the way to the red
Light district bye have a beautiful Time previously on American Dad you’re a real alien and now that you know I have to kill either you or Roger wait no one has to die I’ll just go back to my home Home Planet Jeff come here honey Jeff no presently on American Dad are you up there Jeff are you even
Still alive Mr Fisher where am I where on the floor I’m not supposed to be on this spaceship I need to get back to my wife God talk much about yourself I’m I’m sorry yeah well you should be anyway hi I’m Foster head of the emperor’s Elite guard come on let’s have a look see
Around the ship welcome to slave City this is where we keep all of the prisoners we’ve abducted from across the Galaxy but you’re going to take me back to earth right yeah this isn’t that kind of slave ship Jeff where you get to do things you Want hey don’t look so glum all the slaves serve a very important purpose on this [ __ ] in the upper levels where you’ll work to serve our every desire hey another human stop you clean for a [Applause] Dollar so this ship is just one big shopping mall Exactly you see every time Emperor Zing visits a new planet he picks his favorite shop or restaurant then replicates it here want to guess what he considers to be earth’s greatest contribution because that’s where you’ll be working Falafel close schwas how weird is that he was like so close
Look you got to make sure you leave enough room for cucumbers and Tahini okay are you listening to me I’m sorry it’s just that well you’re Sinbad yeah I know so what wow so this is where you’ve been for the last 15 years what I just
Got here two months ago oh sorry he’s on the spre he’s on the spre he’s on the spre on the spre on the spre on the spr oh no no no man Emperor on a shopping spree quick quick quick look busy don’t look him in the eye prean as earthlings
And don’t skimp on the tahini this is my treat today guys seriously put your wallets away you’re going to love this Emperor please let me go home I miss my wife I love her so much love there’s no such thing as love it’s just a pathetic notion that you lesser life forms cling
To so you don’t feel so alone that’s not true the love I have for Haley is real do not challenge your Emperor or put so much ice in the drinks it already comes out cold you’re just ripping people off come on gals oh man I’m never going home oh man
You know you probably feel like I did when I found out they weren’t going to do a house guest too it’s rough in the beginning man you know what it gets worse yeah and then you got to live in your car for a while and and that’s a
Trip you got to get used to living outside then you got homeless folks punch in your face you know you know what I might not be the right guy to help you here Man On the house huh thanks lady that ain’t no lady brother look she’s not even human she’s a shape shifter she’s super horny she’s hornier than Kadeem Hardison I’m talking with his glasses were flipped up I get off a little later if you want want to get off with
Me no thanks I’m married did you say you were married leave us alone Phil okay but would you say you’re in love oh yeah big time go on man get out of here what I say about boundaries Phil but the kid says he’s in love he should exercise his
Right and take the test I told you step off my contact wait a minute what test yo don’t worry about it man just forget it Sinbad look if you can prove that when the aliens abducted you they separated you from your true love well then they
Had to take you back to Earth that’s great cuz I am in love well a lot of us thought we were in love too and when you fail the emperor test they do this uh-huh they make you smooth and I’m not alone we all lost some of us lost less than others
You guys just never saw it from the right angle but the love alen I have is real I know it is I’m going for it I’m taking the test I ordered a beer I I think this is a Cider Jeff I’m begging you man please man don’t go out there look no one has ever passed the test of true love the emperor has a fish tank filled without our junk that thing is just swimming with junk listen Sinbad I love my wife I’m going to go prove it and then I’m
Going to go home [Applause] Jeff Fisher you insist you have a right to be returned safely to Earth on what grounds do you base this Preposterous notion um on the grounds that when you guys abducted me you separated ated me from true love are you willing to take
The test to prove it I am well okay then let’s wake up the Majestic wait what well how did you think this test works I didn’t know what to think man well Jeff our test involves a creature called The Majestic which delves into your memories of alleged
Love and displays them for all to see and now to help us wake up the Majestic the [Applause] Summoner eyes to the blind would be awful Majestic it would be the most beautiful thing that they ever had seen it would CA such surprise it would make all of their minds electric how could anyone tell them that some things are not what they Seem it’s such disel I thought I was asleep when I met Myi and I oh this must be a dream I forget to set the alarm and sleep the don’t remind me I’d rather be dreaming of someone let alone Oh seing the lines for a point while you’ve probably missed it there was never anything there in the first [Applause] place you call that love all we saw were examples of you being a selfish inconsiderate jerk you fail no no I can love her better I can I can’t please please just let me go home I’m sorry Jeff we can’t do that and you know the deal if you can’t prove the
Love you lose your tools for love see you tomorrow at 6:00 a.m. for your smoothing Mr Fisher oh man man I am so not a morning person I thought I loved her but those memories they all happened I guess I deserve to be smoothed well you still
Have one night before they you know make the front of your underwear room ear and I’ve never been with a human before sorry I’m not really in the mood oh come on let’s give your little friend a going away party I can be anyone you Want this way it’s not even cheating whoa you look just like her oh God I miss you so much sorry that’s real popular here I don’t know I’m I’m sorry your wife is a million miles away and you still don’t want to hit this I mean come on I’m
Exactly like her you look like her but you’re not her I mean I didn’t learn to read for you or stop eating my scabs for you or start to peace sitting down so I wouldn’t wake you up you did all those things for her yeah yeah I did where were those memories The
Majestic only showed the bad times but why wait a minute if I can just climb down to the Majestic I can talk to him it’s my only chance to get some answers and maybe even get off the ship Jeff that’s crazy that creature could kill
You hey can you turn into a giant pickle with girly Parts you’re drunk Toby I’m sad you [ __ ] this is a bad idea man who who knows what that thing will do to you I’m about to find out Jeff wait I’m done waiting but I didn’t tie this off the key is to roll when you land I know what I’m talking about I did my own stunts and good Burger I wasn’t expecting visitors you’re the Majestic ship sewage gross to you maybe but full of the nutrients that I simply cannot live without my memories you only showed the bad ones do you hate me you must hate me Emperor zinc said he’d blow me into
Space if I showed the good ones oh what you must think of Me it’s okay I know what the emperor can be like and I forgive you he wasn’t such a bad guy you know before before why before the Heartbreak Emperor Zing was in love oh yes thought he met the one but then he got dumped and it devastated
Him so completely he vowed to Never Love Again but the pain still remained so he started shopping compulsively that’s why the ship’s a off that’s exactly right Jeff and when buying stuff didn’t cure what ailed him he decided to wage a war against love and that’s why he won’t let me show any
Good memories Majestic we’ve got to let everyone know once they realize the truth it’s sure to spark a rebellion oh my God we’re really going to do it what a quick turn for me but I love it great oh hey but first you have a bathroom I got to go number two
Oh sorry to [Applause] Crass ah thank you those boxers were not clean the shape Shifter Go s find Jeff Fisher I’m right here dude the emperor’s been lying to you all true love does exist he’s just been hiding it show him M He’s getting away kill Him here’s the Escape pod oh looks like we got some customers Jeff you boys come from some schwarma come on get [Applause] it there is love in the world and you should know cuz you had [Applause] it you know I was thinking this weekend we could go out with Derek and Tommy
What do you think honey Hello Roger oh my God okay wow can we please be grown-ups about this cuz I can’t you got your heart broken that’s why you told us there’s no such thing as love you lied to us get him get [Applause] Him go on man get in I’ll hold them all I’m not leaving you out here there’s too many of them man it’s the only way sorry that’s just not my style my ear ow come on man get out of here you sure because I think I could be a big
Help just go and be known as the guy who left his number one space bud I don’t think so please I cannot afford to keep paying attention to you but ah got it hurry s huh Jeff when you get to earth do me this one last solid anything Sinbad clear my internet browser History I’m coming home babe I’m coming home what is your destination take me to Earth so I can be with my beloved there are over 47,000 known Earths oh no start with the first one I guess I hope you plan on recycling that Sinbad that’s right Jeff I’ve only become more powerful in death wow yep isn’t it great all my limbs have been perfectly restored all of them all right now let’s go on the earth let’s get your wife back and get me some ghost booty oh that’s
Going to be freaky all right bye have a beautiful Time you know what I was afraid of it I put it off for years and years but I’m pretty glad I tried Italian food even though it’s adding 45 minutes each way it’s neat to take the train to lunch neat I ride the train because I can’t
Afford a car look at me I’m next to this train man now take a picture of us looking sad together my 3:30 meeting where is this train it’s late that’s part of the fun I got to grab a cab excuse me sir would you mind if we
Took your taxi we’re a sweet young newly weigh couple and we kind of expect the world to give us things good Lord you’re so cute together get in there you cuties good luck with everything you see that Cab in front of us I gave it to that young couple you’re
A good man so you want me to follow him all I do but there’s no time oh man that would have been you you lucky dog oh god oh man now I’m having a heart attack and you’re not you lucky dog good morning USA I got a feeling that it’s going to
Be be a wonderful day the Sun in the sky has a smile on his face and he shining a salute to the American race oh boy it’s well to say good morning USA Smith your face what’s wrong oh are you still thinking about the people incinerated in that cab and how it could have been nay should have been you oh Poo it was way earlier today get over it you big baby you know what I’m sending you to the CIA therapist Dr Ray isn’t
Therapy more for crazy people exclusively you psycho therapy I don’t need therapy I lived when I should have died so what just goes to show you never know exactly it’s like that skydiver whose parachute came detached and then he fell in the swamp and died and his parachute ended
Up landing at this school but they’d already bought a parachute for their gym class so they ended up with two parachutes they only needed one Jesus and you’re not safe at home either I heard about this one lady who put her electric blanket in the washing machine
And then it got stuck and then she climbed in after it so anyway she drowned nothing she could have done though sometimes you’re looking left when you should be looking right I know I was buying groceries today and my coupons had somehow expired Madness all is madness
They let me use them though cuz I go there a lot and they know I’ll throw a fit I mean I’ve seen death before tons of times it it didn’t bother me this just felt so Random would you have felt better if this couplet say died at your
Hands oh so much well we can’t bring them back for you to take away they’re gone but a lot of my patients find palpating small soft animals gives them a sense of well-being he’s a little cold this bunny has died that was terrible why uh why is
Everything terrible ah okay okay are you familiar with Chaos Theory Carnival Cruise Lines award-winning hip-hop dance troop yes give me your hand now if I put a second drop in the same spot which way will it go the same way ow that drop was acid that’s chaos
Theory well I don’t like it because you feel powerless and out of control tell me have you ever worked with Miniatures before they can be a wonderful way to restore a sense of order amidst the chaos of Life what am I supposed to do with them anything you’re in control
Here could I put them here or even there wherever this is ridiculous they obviously belong in a train yard set and this guy needs a hat there we go this will make me feel better it will it really will and I don’t say that just because I own shares in a figurine
Company although that reminds me you must use Thompson brand Miniatures any other brand will damage your brain it’ll make you sick that was the most mortifying wine tasting party of my life beyond mortifying you swore that gtt’s tramor wasn’t a real wine I called everyone
Liars I set fire to the bad with all the coats on it GT Trina doesn’t mean anything in German well I guess literally it means spiced grape but it’s like what that’s nonsense we can never show our faces at another one of James and Barbara’s wine tasting parties wrong
We are going to become wine experts ah go the other way with it learn something about wine then we’ll bury Our Idiot Friends with how many flavors we can notice we’ll become the classiest wios in all the langly Falls to celebrate let’s polish off this box of wine to
Sophistication oh mama that is Tiny you got another package San look Francine it’s our house I finally did the gutters like you’ve been hounding me about for 6 years well your facial tick is gone is this helping you feel better oh yeah I finally come to accept that I can’t
Control the world out there but this this is perfect okay because you’ve been missing work and well it’s been a lot of packages the UPS guy started making jokes about it good jokes I think he might want to have an affair well he has his thing and I have mine look it’s our Mailbox Stan honey oh my God I had no idea it was so much now I know why we haven’t been having sex and why we won’t be having sex this is a bit of a turnoff at least he went into work ah a plastic book always halfway Through Beau morning as always Timmy did you throw my paper in the bushes again you little so and so if he keeps doing this I’m going to be mad for Real Hello Constable George hello grosser Joe some would say that you’re just a constable model with a different paint job but I know you’re a separate unique person as as he walks beneath the Lamplight sun with a toothpick as a cane you can hear the girls exclaim is that
Man insane no he’ll live a lie but never die and that’s a truth you can’t deny he’s the man who built the world in his basement what happened here sorry pal but there’s no room in this town for anything dangerously unbalanced that’s better everything’s under control ah the trade wins Dad
Dad huh I guess he’s not here vroom vroom out of the way I’m the garbage man give me your trash you losers I’m in the union and my pension is bankrupt in the city everyone talks about how rich I am but they have no idea I hope you don’t think me forward
If I tell you you’re lovely oh you may I steal a peck on the cheek I’ll let you hold my hand and this guy here is banging a dog Steve you’re killing me oh my God what was that that’s just Steve running from something terrifying come
On Focus let’s do this wine it’s a soft ball it’s made to be Cotten what the grid bro nose is clean lemon peel dried rose buds burnt kralin marzipan Cherry peppery in the back no wait the front I’m picking up something green not sure if it’s olives or watermelon or a
Snake here we go this wine is a new world wine this wine is from California this wine is Central Coast this wine is a petit SRA this wine is from a high quality producer and it’s to 2008 it’s milk oh milk of course oh my God oh my God oh my
God how did you even get in there wasn’t easy to get up to the table I had to build a pretty sophisticated elevator using an ingenious system of counterweights based on something I saw in Da Vinci’s Diaries no I mean how did you get to be so small um a shrinkr ad
Why because the outside world is flawed and chaotic but down here it’s perfect I’ve thought of absolutely everything well it’s absolutely crazy I’m going to make you big again right now no no no you don’t know how to operate it if you do it even slightly wrong I’ll end up
6’2 and I’ll have to go into modeling okay I’m going to fin tune the angstroms bring the frequency way way down and then you guys are going to push this button right here but before that double cross the double cross damn it Stan I know right hurry
Over to my D Vinci elevator you’re going to love it oh I should probably clarify it’s not the da Vinci you’re thinking of it’s Leonardo da Vinci not Ron Da Vinci of Da Vinci Cadillac stand not the shr r but we need that no my sweet family
Everything we need is right here I’ve taken all the fear and randomness of the world and shrunk away from it oh there are so many wonderful things I want to show you though your presid does introduce a host of chaotic variables I may wind up having to contain you
Somehow what’s that for the moment please enjoy unlimited access with certain limitations Stan get us down to that machine and unshrink us immediately hold up wait till you’ve seen everything and if you still don’t like it here I’ll make us big again I’ll make us 1,000 ft
Tall if that’s what you want normal size would be fine make up your mind like every good walking tour this one starts with the post office it’s just like the regular post office only no long lines oh oh Dad Francine recognize the shade on this Red Zone here I used your nail
Polish oh hey Rita you do know these aren’t real people right Stan they’re Thompson brand they’re better than real so are we loving it it certainly consumed you I love that you love it I love us right now red red it’s Roger Roger save us Red Red
Wine You Make Me Feel So Fine monkey pack and on the sweet line Red Red Wine you give me whole heaping whole heaping make me do my own thing oh this is salvageable Roger no come back whoa whoa was I not reading you right you want to
Leave you’re not giving it a chance there are lots of fun things to do here like what you look like a sporty Bunch who’s up for a little ice skating ice skating in July that would be the most remarkable thing that’s happened today you’ll see you’ll all see this is
A magical place where nothing can ever hurt [Applause] Us this dude could skate well hello oh right it’s just a doll you’re right she is a doll a real angel she is beauty uh uh full I I I feel tongue tied and a little headachy that’s infatuation son also we’re on a big magnet right now it’s
Affecting your speech centers how about you take your friend to see a show at the beu theater I put my iPad inside it’s playing Welcome to the dollhouse on Loop it seemed like a funny idea cuz you know but that movie was not what I expected I I don’t recommend
It wow how did you make the Band Shell it looks like maybe a series of painted yogurt Lids nested into concentric circles oh that’s a great idea I just shrunk down a real band shell and stole it like Lex Luthor what are these bushes my topiaries they’re these peculiar little
Plants I found inside an Altoids tin under the water heater haly are you all right leave me alone I love it here see Francine the kids love it here but we can’t stay we we don’t even have have any food we’re going to need food I’ll
Take you we got plenty of food don’t you smell It you can always count on the old Zephyr dream to be on time I set her speed to seven and she does not fail me now get ready cuz we have to jump on it doesn’t stop uh you can’t program a toy train to make stops Francine I mean I
Guess you can but I I didn’t want to be one of those guys who gets too into miniatures my God Stan it’s beautiful see that Dam there’s a lake behind it where we get our drinking water my secret blend of half danani half downstairs Bathroom what is that oh that that’s just food Mountain And what are we trudging through double whipped mashed potatoes next to a ridge of ground beef on top a Bedrock of peas and carrots M delicious and look it’s the 6:00 Sunset I’m kind of getting why you love it so much there’s everything we need here food electricity safe and fun giant ants
What why why are they drawn to food Mountain what’s happening I didn’t plan for this we have to get to the shrink rate it’s our only way out oh thank God you come to your senses in the basement of our model house I’ve built an even smaller more miniature Town we’ve got to shrink One More
Time Dr Ray Stan when I saw that the shrink ray had been checked out at work I left immediately I shrank down before I started the drive over though which was a mistake but I had the device how’d you get small they don’t call me the
Shrink ray because my name is Ry and I’m a shrink do they in any case I came with answers and solutions tell me tell me your Solutions get On it’s complete chaos FR scene Dan you can’t can’t control it bad things are always going to happen oh God I knew it wait there’s more get do it sa the thing but you can control what you do after those bad things happen and the best
Part of it is you don’t have to do it alone who’s going to help me Dr Ray he’s dead we’ll help you your family right whatever the world throws at me I can use my family to block it I’ve got it we’re going to get the shrink ray
There’s no time we’ve got to crash the train into the dam and flood the Town kids I need you to turn off the clock tower and then get to High Ground you might recognize it as the Clock Tower from Back to the Future well almost that clock tower it’s dressed different enough the people at Thompson know how to play the game okay Steve I
Know this is a long shot I know I know I know I know it but do you have a chocolate lava cake on you okay the kids turn off the clock tower there’ll be more power for the train now this might sound insane but you’re going
To turn the speed up to 10 10 can the system take it I don’t know but it’s like I’ve been saying since you just told me it sometimes you got to take a chance it’s not working who jump jumparoo may God have mercy come on fencing where’s the CU frankly my Ants I don’t give a damn [ __ ] a bug size St and yet I don’t remember doing ether but then again that’s ether’s signature move Roger see the ants you have to smash the dam to flood the town and save Francine and the kids don’t you want to hear about my
Return to the wine tasting party no well we went but it was the wrong night then we found James in bed with Barbara’s sister so it was kind of the right night now let’s smash this damn actually now that we’re all safe you don’t need to smash them damn you to hell you
D goodbye tiny fake world and actually dead Dr Ray it may all be gone but with you guys by my side I’m going to be okay a hey gang look I just don’t think I can pass up this opportunity into my body you Go bye have a beautiful time [Applause] [Applause] You have a fish big small big small big big yeah yeah yeah yeah big fish big fish [Applause] oh wow wow wow wow guys wow wow guys big fish guys wow wow guys big fish wow wow guys big [Applause] fish What you have a p no you have p no no no p no
source
