Aren’t you nervous to find out what you got in the history midterm I’m nervous about the time that c crunchbox turned me on I know I Ace the midterm I got a smiley ah there she is gather around boys you’re about to see my 4.0 face are you you
Okay you don’t look so hot why are you talking like that too much so LOF and I’m still so sad Mr hersel I think there’s been a mistake you put an F here on my test but forgot to add antastic job A+ I was just as surprised as you Steve you’re usually
A big old nerd wait I see what happened here I was one question off on the Scantron sheet see here I I’ll just take it again real quick and we look this vape pen isn’t going to smoke itself behind the gym the F stands f f f f f f f
F don’t worry bar know what to do now it’s just going to take me long longer to finish freaking out good USA I got a feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day the sun in the has a smile on his face and Shining a salute to the American
Race oh boy it’s well to say good morning you [ __ ] up champ one bad grade’s not the end of the world look at your mother she’s got a great life lives in a nice big house and she had nothing but D’s yeah Double D’s oh mama the point is it was just one little mistake you’re going to be fine you know what maybe you’re right of course I’m right now bring that sweet cinnamon noodle on over here it’s tossing time come here you little rascal you’re a little rascal is what you
Are a little SC you now get on out of here you little bastard our greatest fear has come true Candyman has escaped the world in the movies and entered ours okay my greatest fear has come true grades are all Steve has if he loses that what’ll he have left is is dead on
Paul Hogan impression sure it kills now but how much longer is that going to be relevant but you said it was no big deal I didn’t want him to panic but what if it wasn’t just a mistake what if his grade starts slipping what kind of life
Will he have the world will eat him alive like Candyman yes Francine like Candyman Steve’s always been a soft sensitive little guy and I’ve always been there to protect him and now I have to protect my boy once more from failure and I need to protect my girl girls from Gravity Oh Candyman hey bud just popping in oh how’s the school work going pretty good I’m working on my new history assignment a video presentation on Charles Lindberg Bachelor season 1 sick the first Aviator to fly non-stop from New York to Paris oh oh Charles Lindberg sick and Roger helping me out with it
Gotcha hey Raj can you hit record on the camera I Charles Augustus Lindberg born February 4th 1902 have just flown my plane the Spirit of St Louis across the Atlantic Ocean it’s a good thing Jean cisal was murdered by Pirates cuz this would have killed him I better step
In now look this is great son but if you really want that a you’re going to have to go above and beyond really Dazzle your teacher how do I do that I could help you out that’d be great Roger do you care I never cared Steve this is a really hard one y
Nope gotcha men’s Ed Hardy Death Or Glory L Rice sneakers color Dragon smoke black size 14 now all I need is a body these shiny shoes will cure my Blues when chase the Gloom away when I dress my body the one I’ll have some Day coed naked volleyball is what my shirt will say uner shells will sure look swell PA with a white cold chain I’ll have no fear only joy and cheer and a square cut stud in my left when I dress my body I’ll hear everybody say hey that’s somebody not
Just anybody when I dress my body What the hell I’m doing a thing in here it’s my room why are you even get out my room clouse Fine what better way to go above and beyond than to get some sweet aerial footage for your movie so I borrow a drone from work God that’s a predator drone a drone’s a drone I just got in there with my Leatherman yanked out the missiles tossed them in the everything
Drawer in the kitchen no big whoop Now where’s that car wash coupon let’s start with the scene where I find out my baby’s been kidnapped and actually I made one other super cool change I know you’re going to love Steve meet the new star of your history
Project The Rock friend Vin Diesel still technically a star uh we’re not actually friends although we do own a couple Long John Silvers together but that’s not important what’s important is this deathly ill child has a dream and I’m going to make it come true you told him
I’mma make a wish kid didn’t you am I that far off Steve what are we doing at the CIA oh just taking advantage of our Top Secret Sound Stage this is where we filmed the moonlanding the JFK assassination and de jams how to be player wow this is going
To be the most epic history project ever you bet your ass it is now wait here I’m going to go check on the script changes script changes what is Apple box flying in Dino let’s put sticks on a half apple and fly in a couple of c47s so I can
Jelly roll those Bob Denver and put them on an Apple box hey you can’t touch that and you are Shu deula Union gaffer but everybody calls me cheese you seem to be a lot more helpful now than you were the other day now the International Brotherhood of film grips session
Drummers and pool table repair man has my back scab that’s lunch this still doesn’t feel like a guaranteed a Atlantic Ocean Pacific’s bigger Steve’s teacher will find that much more impressive I think maybe he’ll care a little bit more about historical accuracy uh if I didn’t care about
Historical accuracy would I have stolen the actual Spirit of St Louis from the Smithsonian what the toughest part was convincing the guard I came in with it look to really impress your teacher we got to make this thing big exciting fun wait the lber baby died huge Downer
Steve yeah what if Lindberg had a buddy like a a dog or a monkey and the Buddy dies instead I’m not sure you know what now I like the Buddy maybe Lindberg brings him back to life with the power of RC Cola we got to work in some
Product placement to cover costs Dad this is my project remember hey you’re still in charge we’re just here to help you we being dream Smith entertainment the production company I started with the money from your college fund I’ll tell you one thing suit we’ve got nonunion sound so the movie is going to
Sound like like [ __ ] ow that’s Lunch refresh refresh refresh Haley the shoes are here the shoes the shoes the shoes the shoes but it said how you know there is a 416 South Cherry Street maybe it got delivered there by mistake as a matter of fact I once ordered a Garfield welcome mat that
Never showed up either oh I do so hope to someday hear the story of the missing welcome mat hey I’m trying to help you out then shut up and drive we shut down the set of Captain Ron for 6 months back in ‘ 91 Touchstone retaliated with full Fury friendships
Were destroyed marriages fell apart but by God we got three chairs for every five men working Dino you’d be standing right now um cheese we’re trying to film a scene well we’re trying to eat lunch which we’re allowed to do anywhere on set read the 85 agreement that’s lunch come on
Dino hey man this is for a sick kid couldn’t you be a little flexible oh so you think you can crap all over us below the line people just because you’re the big star how dare you I’m going to eat lunch in your trailer in your bed please
Join me I know I sound angry but please come my God you’re ripped okay everybody back to one and are you worried this scene is playing too heavy no I’m not and you sure you don’t want to break the monkey yes positive and action you fly
The plane or the plane cut let’s just bring the monkey in see what he does Dad that’s enough this is my project oh really because it sure feels like I’m the one who’s been putting in all the effort I got you the Sound Stage I got
You Vin Diesel I got you a monkey who studied under the monkey from Dunston Checks In I didn’t ask you to but you need me to if you want to get that a I’m sorry son but you’re no Charles Lindberg you can’t fly solo on this you’re just not capable
No sorry I haven’t gotten any packages lately oh well it was a long short take her easy hey I’ll take her anyway I can get [Laughter] her that lying son of a [ __ ] has my shoes Claus that’s ridiculous okay we have no reason to son of a
[ __ ] what the you want to get nuts let’s get nuts I brought so many bullets ladies gentlemen Steve’s teacher welcome you’re not going to believe your eyes when you see what Steve Smith was capable of doing all by himself roll It Dre SMI your head’s in the clouds boy that’s no place for a man but what if it was pop what if it was I shall call my invention the arrow plane and I owe it all to RC Cola Charles a baby’s been kidnapped I’ll handle this hey boss ain’t you worried limberg
Will come for his Bambino he is just one man one pilot with two fight Attendance Gods you got a bad altitude good work Gus but next time you fly and now let’s meet the genius behind this A+ caliber project Steve Smith what can’t do things on my own can I well look who’s flying solo now dad at least mom’s still proud of
Me enman got me you got to say my name three times to pray me now just because you have no idea how to fly a plane there’s no need to panic you can make it to Paris you’ll just have to learn on the Fly good one Steve you’ve been cleared to
Laugh well I should probably figure out what all these gauges are air speed I’d say that one’s self-explanatory this one going to come back to this one it’s so foggy up here I hope I’m flying high enough jeez buddy got enough arms pull up pull up looks like white man can Jump looks like white men can jump what it’s a famous novel Steve Now give me that flight stick never douglas douglas douglas all I want are my shoes I don’t have your shoes please you you can have my shoes here do I look like the kind of fish Who would
Wear red shoes when he they has the body of a man house is clean only place I haven’t looked is this closet things locked tight open the closet please Doug I lost the key listen Open the closet I didn’t take your stuff then why is my Garfield mad on your doorstep it’s
Garfield that’s Amazon’s top selling welcome M open the closet I sweo oh my god there are no shoes in there we’ve inconvenienced an innocent man and his guest you know I’m not 100% sure I ordered that Welcome Matt I might have just put it on my wish list it’s Jeff he
Found your shoes in the bush out front the bush of course let go I’m doing this on my own why won’t you just let me help you because you’re not helping me when you won’t let me do anything for myself you’re actually standing in my way I am yes that’s the I’m remembering
Something a lesson from a powerful film I once saw don’t leave me pop I I can’t do this without you by my side H up your foolishness now what if you never let a baby bird out of the nest it can’t never take flight oh take flight Charles Lindberg my
Son don’t you see Dad if you never let me try sure I can’t ever fail but you can’t ever succeed either oh I’m sorry son well I’m sorry too was pretty stupid of me taking off with this plane and thinking I could make it across the ocean all by
Myself oh my God the eiel tower I did make it to Paris want to bring us in for a landing m still got it but actually son I realized now that this is something I have to let you do on your own what no wait I don’t know how to
Land a plane white man can jump I Believe In You Mery all right son you can do this let find those Crosswinds good good easy on the throttle pull back on the ool that’s it now steady Steady My Boy what have I done ow my bottom Steve you’re alive can you believe I actually made it all the
Way to Paris well no because you didn’t looks like you must have gotten turned around in the clouds cuz that’s that new amusement park they opened just outside langly Falls tell you what son from now now on I’m going to let you do things for
Yourself but if you ever do want my help all you have to do is ask maybe you can help me wash my flight suit I really did a number on this thing bailing out of that plane a number five that’s two number twos and a number one that sounds
Like the kind of help a mother might Give have a great night good morning USA I got a feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day the Sun in the sky has a smile on his face and he’s shining a salute to the American race oh boy it’s SW to say good morning USA Steve it’s a beautiful day why don’t you invite your friends over for a dip in the pool after School great idea Mom hello Sci-fi channel could you guys reschedule your Battlestar Galactic Marathon this afternoon of course you can’t dip in the pool girl you must be
Crazy Steve listen to your mom I built that pool so other kids would want to hang out with you see friendship is only worthwhile if you get something from the other person that thing could be anything food sex even consensual sex hello St you fat J Muk you said
You’d meet me to get spray tans and here I am getting the Mystic Spritz all alone and you’re the one who really needs it you Gwyneth paltro skinn son of a [ __ ] was that today jeez I Plum forgot I am so sorry but while I have you could you
Do me a favor and go next door to the post office and get some of the new commemorative Nancy Reagan stamps the Chanel inaugural gown set or the just say no adalo suit set now what do you think ad Alo yeah adalo that’s messed up Dad Roger really
Wants to hang out with you and all you do is use him to run your little errands hey Roger uses me every day living here for free eating my food and you want to talk the way you sponge off me I’m your daughter who my daughter who are are you
Asking me a question I’m leading you I’m leading you to finish my sentence I I don’t know what you I’m going to go and my favorite part of my trip to China was the panda bears the [Applause] end OMG you are the best agent Smith how’s that small is Nation you
Cover Isa Island as you know the dictator General wanito Peno arrives in the US tomorrow has he agreed to sign the treaty giving us access to his Island’s massive oil reserves not yet but I’m hoping to persuade him tomorrow we are having an unofficial meeting at an undisclosed location you guys hitting
The Fashion Center yes we ran the Sex in the City quiz on his Myspace page and he is definitely a carry he is a shopper sir what’s your strategy to win him over it’s been proven that men with mustaches are more persuasive that’s preposterous
No it’s not if you say so just make sure this treaty signing happen Smith not only is there a promotion in it for you but there’s also this that’s right Smith you’ll enter the exclusive fraternity of CIA agents with their own helicopters what are you guys thinking for lunch
This is Doug and Chopper 2 I’m thinking panes Roger that I want that Chopper sir when D Vinci first conceived of it he called it an aerial screw seems a bit ude well DaVinci was a well-known sexual deviant you know that sketch of the naked man in the wheel blueprints for a rape
Machine okay Barry you’re Ursula the sea witch Toshi you’re King trient I’m Ariel and snot in a dual role plays both Sebastian and Flounder all right places Everyone oh my God sn’s drowning mom no Mom we were playing a game and I won finally wait what is that you’re wearing not no Roger I’m late for a meeting at the mall but you promised we’d go hiking inconvenient hey Roger is your car out
Of the shop yet yeah why well so I really need to get to the mall and I have a flat so I thought maybe you’d do another favor for you cuz you say we’re going to hang out and be friends but then you just blow me off no thanks no
No I just thought maybe we could go pants shopping you’re the only person who knows what pants look good on me you understand the Contours of my body hey I thought we were going hiking these balloons represent Steve’s mom’s boobs my face represents my face R ski what is
This tell me you weren’t just talking about getting boob off my mother okay I wasn’t but I was there’s obviously only one way to settle this I’m going to get accidental boob off your mother and something tells me you’re going to need a little help from Chad again Jeff will you please
Stop calling yourself Chad Chad died okay and yes I would have loved to have had from Chad everyone would he was the Best hey you’re meeting me at the J crew in 20 minutes right 20 minutes I promise well I must say Smith you are great at picking out pants what do you want me to do with your Rhythm Nation outfit oh just put it in the bag so
General about this treaty excuse me so General about this treaty are we going to get it signed or what stansmith I welcome a union between our two two countries great we’ll sign it in front of the world press on Isla Island in one week and then I’ll come visit you in my new
Helicopter I am sorry that is from college my frat had a pimps and hose mixer you ever had any Malt Liquor it is stronger than beer waiting for my buddy so he can tell me if these look good should be just a few more minutes you know you don’t you don’t need to
Stand there I’ll I’ll tell them you helped me thanks thank you thanks are we going to fool around you should try eating the whole hot dog in one bite oh I don’t know Stan that sounds gay dog gobling not a chance come on further oh General General he’s dead you talking
About Chad I know he was great I’ve been meeting a lot of adults that knew him I think that’s pretty cool hey d weed look at the stupid pants I bought because you weren’t there to tell me they look stupid look at them Roger I can’t deal with this now this is
Like the millionth time you’ve used me and I’ve had it I am never doing anything for you again so what STS you rascal I hate to say it because I hate you but you really do know what looks good on me yes it fits you perfectly here put this on yeah it brings the whole thing Together sir we are a go next week for the treaty signing on Isa Island well done Smith when when you return we’ll have your chopper waiting Roger I know I’ve kind of taken advantage of you lately but to make it up to you I’m taking us on a friends’s vacation a
Friends vacation yay oh let me just call and get out of work Tracy I need you to cover my chair this week well get Susan to blow out her hair well what about yeah I forget it I Quit great now I have to get another imaginary Job oh this is so exciting you know what could be fun on our friends vacation we adopt new personas here put these back on your persona is L generalisimo let’s hear your Spanish accent I Chihuahua that’s from Beverly Hills Chihuahua that’s great that’s great now stay in
That accent do not drop that Persona no matter what and now I’m going to pick out your persona Robert Redford in electric Horseman I don’t have that outfit with me yes you do I packed you everything that Robert Redford ever wore in every movie why do you think you have 11 bags
Wow this hotel is amazing only the best for my good friend oh look at the friendly locals Ola stand put my brooches in the room [Applause] Safe get up buddy let’s hit the beach no I mean let’s take the day to settle in maybe watch a movie nope I’m going to the beach Oh come on Stan you really think this is going to keep me from leaving I am movie I’ve seen probably 250 is hard alone man it’s such a beautiful day outside out here on my own we’re always proven my God Steve what happened diving for a touch pass you know playing sportball
You poor boy oh well schie is not home not’s real name is schie that is just so good to know say Mrs lonstein I don’t suppose I could trouble you for a drink would you mind pouring it in my mouth my arms you see oh of course Honey oh I’m so sorry let me clean that up bad news Roger the beach is closed what yeah apparently it’s mating season for the the diarrhea seals it’s it’s it’s a mess so let’s uh let’s just stay in the room and enjoy our lunch H this is awful whoever made this
Chicken should have his hands cut off then have his feet cut off then shot and killed oh uh General isimo maybe you should ease up on the staff a little no no you’re paying good money for us to stay here it should be perfect I mean look at
These dirty floors whoever mops them should be beaten with a hose then tied up with set hose and thrown off their roof sir it’s Stan I’m moving the treaty signing to tomorrow let’s make that tonight these balloons represent my nads my head represents snot’s mom’s head here it comes wait for it
Hey hello schoie the did you just call me you heard me look Steve getting accidental mom boob is one thing but getting accidental mom forehead brushed on your hster is going too far I won’t stand for it your mom stood for it Steve I now have no choice but to get your mom
To to accidentally handle my gardle dangers get ready pal your mom’s going to touch more sack than a medieval grain Merchant on inventory Day you done with dinner let’s sign the check and get out of here calm down Stan I’m still talking to my new friends King Harold of Norway and his wife Queen Sonia now the freeways in Dallas are horrible just take a taxi from the airport take taxis everywhere and head
Straight for Bud’s TexMex don’t bring your wife the bathroom see there is amazing HH now you tell me something good oh yum Dessert this is wonderful best terisu I’ve ever had maybe too much rum okay dinner’s over Roger here’s the bill just sign it to the room yeah I just want to make sure I didn’t access accidentally leave a tip no what is this Stan you used me just like you always do
Look we can talk about it on the plane ride home right now we got to fake your assassination and drop the General’s body in your place here put on these squibs I truly thought you wanted to go on a friend’s vacation with me actually what I really wanted was this an aerial
Screw yep now be a trooper go out on that balcony and get shot 15 times in the chest [Applause] I’m okay what the hell are you doing I’m staying here and running this dump that’s what guards see that Senor Smith leaves my country immediately I hope your helicopter was worth it because it cost us our friendship people of Isa first order of business is changing the name of this country it’s
Now called Banana Rama and the national anthem is Venus Pedro hit it now Dance I said dance you’re all terrible except you you’re good everybody do what he’s doing How do you do Thata you are my helicopter and I swear to God listen to me listen to me I will never hurt you Stan what are you doing just hugging my Chopper babe breakfast was quiet without Roger this morning why don’t you call him an apologize apologize for what for giving him power
Over an Island full of half make it Hispanic men that’s his dream and the premise of three of his screenplays too bad Stan isn’t here he’s the one to talk to about pants if I’m going to order a suit online I’ve got to have all my measurements can you do my um inseam
Now Steve this is a matter between gentlemen mother please give us the room as you wish this will not happen snot indeed it will Steve you won’t know when it’s coming but it’s coming why aren’t you getting up I’m waiting for my wrestling rager to go down It’s Perfectly Natural my coach
Told me about them when I was having Brandy at his Condo Smith you’re just in time we’ve just received some Intel on Isa Island seems General peno’s gone a bit off his nut he’s making the citizens paint the entire Island you know I thought yellow would sheer me up but it didn’t this color you picked is a hideous I thought gay people
Had good taste I am not gay Senor you just make me do gay things fair enough repaint it turquoise there’s a Revolution Brewing and general Peno will be dead by this time tomorrow dead sir we can’t let them kill him why we’ve mined all of EA’s natural resources who cares what happens
To them now but that country is our friend maybe we use our friends but we don’t just abandon them grow up Smith this is how you get the things you want you’re such a poana I bet you kiss [Laughter] prostitutes I’ll help you with the groceries in a minute mom wait where are
You going just stay in the car and keep the doors locked and don’t touch anything that looks like a mushy hairy Peach Steve I thought your mother would be opening the door well she didn’t so uh this has gone too far hasn’t it I would say so I would uh say
So you know what the worst part of this is I can feel your heart Beating I need to see the general isimo welcome to bananama where is party time all the time are you guys mad at me cuz not one of you has given me a deposit check for our big fun ski weekend in Tahoe and even if you don’t ski you can gamble
This great shopping you can rent a snowmobile for like 200 bucks a day that’s nothing oh hello Roger your people are about to revolt against you if you stay here you’ll die why should I believe you all you do is lie to me to get stuff for
Yourself that’s not a friend I know and I’m sorry from now on no more using and no more lies come on let’s get you out of here and leave General peno’s body for the rebels to find you want me to leave leave this nation I am this nation you guards Roger don’t do Thiss those men are here to kill the general isimo stop them the general isimo dies tonight I have painted my children for the last time hey rbls over here General Peno is getting away the general get him the General’s [Applause] dead okay you were right they were going
To kill me I can’t believe you sacrificed your helicopter for me I sacrificed it for my friend so who’s going to be the new general I’m sure they’ll find the best man for the Job Bye have a beautiful time Anyone want to see if I can swallow this hardboiled egg without chewing yeah sure why not wait don’t eat that egg I just read a shocking expose in the Langley alt weekly about gentle goodness Valley our brand of supposedly cruelty-free X apparently they’re not all there cracked up to be
Turns out they’ve been punching the chickens left and right just like at the big corporate Farms well who’s so high and mighty now ready to switch to my brand never hey some people keep chickens in their backyard and get their eggs that way Jeff and I could do that huh you
Bozos there’ll be the day yes Mom that all be the day this time next week we’ll be eating an omelet made of our very own homegrown eggs Bet On It silence the time draws near for the get your postcards birday cards e i get it while H now if I let make you
Better ready Better yes the mail with each letter the promise of a thrilling new adventure let’s see inherited a Haunted Amusement Park SOS from mine Squad yeah these are all big time Duds maybe I’ll check my email body time excellent everybody quick shut up I’ve been invited to a party at Bullock’s
House Jim j Bullock holy moly no Avery Bullock my boss still very cool a chance to impress bulock in a non-w work setting could be huge for me at my non- nonwork setting work want me to come along and be your wingman help you really wow him a kind offer Roger but my
Answer is a and emphatic no I have every confidence I’ll knock his socks off all on my own at this barbecue summer casual morning Smiths good morning USA I got a feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day the sun and the sky
Has a smile on his face and he shining a salute to the American race oh boy it’s well to say good morning USA well what do you think looks great looks awesome perfect BBQ outfit it’s horrible it’s [ __ ] next it’s nice it slaps it sucks it blows I look like an idiot a fool it’s terrible hated it stupid get it out of here Francine yes baller as hell done it makes my shoulders look weird
Like a monster’s shoulders for the love of God how the hell am I ever supposed to do any work in this house Sten I’m confused you’ve worn casual clothes before but I never felt comfortable in them I get so self-conscious about my pointy ankles gentleman’s FAA and big weird knees that
Wrinkle up and look like the Grumpy Old Men when I stand my body was built for suits it’s the only thing I feel confident in screw it I’m going to wear a suit to the barbecue better to be overdressed than underdressed right 100% but I don’t know summer summer summer
Time duper Hooper what’s shaking my babies geez Stan isn’t it a little hot for is this corduroy Smith glad you’re here because I’ve got your most important Mission ever Manning the grill raw meat so cold feels good Smith are you all right hey oh my God look at his
FAA and then duper said oh my God look at his foa I made a fool of myself and the worst part is gooper is having another barbecue this Saturday you work with a gooper yeah he sits over by the printer with Hooper booper and azendus Stan I’m about to lay some hard Earth
Shattering truth on you you should probably lie down things are about to get crazy real for you I’ll light some candles and put on some Ana your suit is like armor for you Stan it gives you confidence but it’s a false confidence that makes you uptight and
Overbearing you need to find true easy confidence but the suit won’t let you whoa this isn’t really Ana by the way it’s just any you like who what you need is a line of custom casual wear that you’ll finally feel truly comfortable in tailored specifically to the Contours of
Your strange and challenging body and You’ do that for me absolutely it would actually be a nice chance for us to do a little bonding crafting bespoke clothing is a deeply intimate process I don’t know sometimes when we do things like this you can get a bit selfless guilty
Is charged I ask absolutely nothing in return I’ll just have to dust off my old fashion designer Persona huh no dust hold on a sec sir Jennings cockburn fashion Titan of postwar London don’t breathe that in Stan it’s as best us Good morning my seamstresses emilda Agnes Vera gooper I have a goober too Martha Martha’s the one I’m sleeping with I always put secret deeply meaningful little messages in the lining of all my garments when you picture yourself free of that suit what do you see I’m playful a goof a goose a silly
Goose yes but also Unbound by rules and conventions rebellious a bad boy but still light still playful a bad And now the moment of truth and how do you feel lighter than air Roger how can I ever thank you I told you I ask for nothing in return now go you’re late for your next barbecue as it is but there must be something tell
You what if you have a good time today maybe swing by for a celebratory Sherry how about that now run along my goose my watermelon surprise looks like us bozos might see this thing through after all so where’ you bozos get all these chickens anyway dicks with chicks the
Local chicken hatchery owned by Brothers Larry and Randall dick and how many eggs have you gotten none yet the chickens turned out to be a bit more aggressive than expected but we’re making great progress with the little ladies the trick is they never show them any fear a devil [Applause]
Bird well they’re crapping all over the place so you can’t keep them in the yard ready to give up yet yes not a chance I think we can make this work yeah I’m just kind of doing the couch potato thing tonight watching hostile to with Martha Dad how was the barbecue it was
Absolutely Divine oh Steve you should have seen me I was so easy and fun and free Yo Stan where you want this puppy me and the guys had such a good time we decided to keep it going with a little after barbecue to the Backyard Boys stand stand stand stand stand well Roger
Will be pleased nice wait there was something special I was going to do if I had a good time today A celebratory Cannonball rogu I’m the only thing not Burning Smith what’s the meaning of this this is a non-non work setting shall we brush up on the agency dress code how about we don’t and say we did what a cool thing to say but what if it came from the Twisted mind of the Tickle Monster Smith I’m loving the new you
Truly Amber is the color of your energy instant [Applause] Promotion oh what’s this now E equals MC squ and Gettysburg address in 776 sounds like a bunch of [ __ ] to me dad wouldn’t you rather be playing this PlayStation 5 hot Piggly hog where’s my Boop oh you’ll get your Boop my lady Roger is that you my Goose what’s
Wrong I’m in the doldrum stand deep doldrums the Double D’s every time I achieve a great creative Peak it’s followed by a depressive rut and you in my time of greatest emotional need abandon me to run off with your new friends Jackson and duper and Francine this is is why I knew I
Shouldn’t have done this you always get so possessive and clingy I’ll cling to you for that remark I do you an unsolicited favor asking for nothing in return and this is how you return the favor you are a bad friend if it helps it’s your clothes that have given me
This new lease on life my relationships have improved I’m pooping people like crazy and my knees have never looked better well I don’t know if I can keep making them for you being treated like this and you’re notoriously hard on your clothes Stam look they’re already starting to
Fray but I guess you can always just go back to your suit no I’m happy now I can’t go back to the old me okay listen anytime you need me just call and I’ll be there I Promise never let you go I had an intercom system installed so you could hear me moan more [Laughter] easily I can’t keep living like this listen Roger instead of constantly moping in your attic why don’t you come out with me and my friends sometime I’ll have to think about about it okay Words With Friends it’s really going to sing on this baby damn it why the hell are you lying
In the hallway sh the chickens took over our room hay why don’t you just give up and admit you couldn’t pull it off the only thing I am admitting is an omelet into my mouth and stomach this time next Tuesday fine but why don’t you go sleep
In Jeff’s van till then chicken’s got the [Applause] van should we pull him over what is it with you and chickens chicken killed my parents me too but I don’t let it rule my life man so sir Jennings Stan tells us you designed clothes that’s awesome what’s
That like ah I don’t know man it’s fine so how do you come up with the designs let’s see I think of the idea for the clothes then I make the clothes and then the clothes are done do we have a waitress or what is your problem these
Guys all suck Stan let’s get out of here get back to just you and me no damn it it’s like the only way you’re happy is if you got me all to yourself if you’re not having a good time you’re welcome to leave fine I’ll just be taking my
Clothes that you’re wearing and be on my way then see you later guys I had I’d say say about seven takatis so here’s $4 okay here’s what you do steal Rogers bad Goose designs get him to my boy gooper at Foot Locker then he can make your clothes for
You Roger I owe you an apology you’ve done so much for me and received nothing from me in return well I want to fix that right now whatever you think is fair any number just say it and it’s yours you would make this all about money how dare you you don’t deserve my
Clothes Roger no sorry Stan but your bad goose is cooked hey Martha did you hear that Martha Stan have you seen Martha move at all since you got here okay okay okay I’m like she was definitely alive last night when we started having sex because I remember remember I farted and
She laughed that’s the kind of relationship we oh thank God who needs Roger in his stupid clothes anyway right not you that’s for sure I mean it’s not like his clothes were magic or anything probably not one of these store-bought Brands is bound to
Work just as well for me no doubt okay I think this could work totally for a swamp monster from planet Ugly it’s a disaster okay fake it till you make it you got this Smith are you okay I’m sure it’s doing better than you you ugly old piece of
[ __ ] that ribbing wasn’t good natur here comes the Stan what’s going on a easy breezy fun tickle time ow Stan stop please you’re hurting ow Smith take the rest of the week off and don’t come back until you’ve gotten your act together wasn’t easy but we finally
Managed to get some eggs out of them feathery little mother Cluckers not this one though I’ve been digging my finger all the way up its egg hole all day buus Jeff that’s a rooster well whatever her name is now she won’t leave me alone ah fetus well I guess it’s going
To happen every once in a while fetus fetus fetus two fetuses fetus snake fetus uh oh it’s omelet Time M now that’s what I call I don’t even like it you ought to be ashamed of yourself I know but for what exactly Stan was happy and it was your clothes that made him that way but you just couldn’t stand having to share him so you crushed him
You are a bad friend he’s right Mr cockburn you did your mate a bad turn just look at the poor Bloke oh you’re right clouse this is all my fault but Martha this is really none of your business I’ve been so selfish how can I make it right I can’t make any more bad Goose clothes for him all my seamstresses have taken positions at Big Dog it wouldn’t matter anyway Bullock
Reinstated the old dress code at the CIA Stan will be trudging back to work first thing in the morning in that Soul crushing monkey suit H now theoretically I could tailor Stan a custom suit so comfortable that it feels like bad Goose sports wear but I’d have to what do it
All by myself in one night Kim Possible but he’s your friend so I have to try Martha bring around the Festiva we’re going to the allight Joanne Fabrics well Stan how does your new suit look it’s a clothes version of the Holocaust you don’t like it I can tell
Okay Stan confession time I never knew how to make clothes everything I gave you was Amazon basic and the bad Goose designs eBay ordered iron on but do you realize what this means you didn’t get your easy Confidence from my clothes it was inside you all along that’s right Stan this is
A mother Dumbo type deal okay whatever Roger I’m late for work sorry here one of your old suits so you never even knew how to make clothes wrong clouse I lied to Stan I do know how to make clothes but I wanted him to feel easy and free in anything he
Wears so who’s the bad friend now uh I don’t know you probably see you later Roger I lied to CLA Martha as you well know I do not know how to make clothes I lied to Martha Steve I actually do know how to make clothes okay do you or do
You not know how to make clothes I don’t know Smith how do you feel that depends which part of me you thinking about feeling Amber Alert energy color that is what gives I don’t know I I guess I’m just feeling a bit more comfortable in my own Skin bye-bye see you Soon good morning USA I got a feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day the Sun in the sky has a smile on his face and he’s shining a salute to the American race oh boy it’s SW to say good morning You come on Francine don’t make me late for church again got pays twice as much attention on Christmas like the media when a white kid goes missing sorry I was putting on my new dress I can’t take you to God’s house like that I can see
Your calves you look like a $2 [ __ ] and keep in mind that the dollar is weak right now so wrap up that’s an insult see at least Roger shows the proper respect for this holiest of days ah I love your religion for the crazy virgin birth water into wine it’s it’s like
Harry Potter but it causes genocide and bad folk music who who am I nudging there’s no one next to me great no spaces thanks to the fair weather Christians who only show up on Christmas and Easter well we’ll see how fair the weather is when the Rapture comes and they’re all Left Behind
Rapture what’s that it’s the first sign of the end of the world when all true Christians like myself Ascend to heaven and Ascend you’re flying now enough you and the kids go find seats while we park I hope I haven’t missed the part where the three Chinese guys give
Perfume to the star baby it’s it’s like the Diaries of a mad man damn no seats I’m beset by phony Christians Stan honey it’s Christmas relax I won’t relax I’m a better Christian than anyone in there I’m the one who drives by Hebrew schools baptizing kids with a super soaker
Filled with garlic water here I have an idea we can’t watch Church from here this is where the slow janitor lives it reeks of dead mice and moldy highlights magazines oh I hate seeing you stressed so I’m going to give you your last present Francine we can’t do this in the
House of the Lord this is wrong then I’ve been naughty and you’ll have to put a big piece of coal in my stocking damn your clumsy Christmas sex Metaphors wow thanks Francine if you want why I lasted longer than usual it’s because I was focusing on the dolls the janitor made out of Windex bottles and rat fur strange I don’t hear anything what’s going on Look what’s happening the Rapture turns out there is a God What it can’t be the Rapture If This Were The Rapture I’d be floating up there and so with the slow janitor actually I never truly accepted Jesus into my heart Mom Dad Steve Hy what’s happening I was just about to do something really funny I’ll tell you what’s happening
It’s the end of the world and we’ve been left behind oh my God the homeless guy from the bus station is hung but I knew that wait there’s been a mistake Lift Me Up Lord here I’ll help wait hold on this bible stuff is real all right somebody
Call M Gibson and apologize and then call Tim Robbins and tell him I bang Susan Sarandon he’ll know what it means father Donovan what happens now honestly I have no clue luckily I know an expert hey kids I’m Rick and the Raptor here to tell you about the rapture the Rapture
Is the beginning of the end of the world it starts with all true Christians floating up to heaven what about the Sinners that are left behind well JoJo they get to witness the second coming of Jesus Jesus is coming back did he forget something nope Jesus is coming back for our
Forgetting a seven-year War where Jesus and his Angels will battle demons soldiers of the underworld all leading up to a final showdown between Jesus and the Antichrist Antichrist you mean that green stuff that your daddy puts in the car no silly that’s antifreeze the Antichrist is the son of Satan well
Who’s going to win I don’t know but you sure don’t want to be around to find down a Christian kid’s production stay cool hello yes I need to Charter a helicopter ASAP uh just about a mile up and then I’ll grab on to someone I can’t imagine John Goodman’s that high up Yet okay Steve and Haley Smith your personal Heavens are ready personal Heavens yeah every saved Soul gets a personalized Paradise suited to their individual tastes here you are Steve wait there are so many doors how can you be sure this is my heaven pepperjack cheese it’s my heaven authorities confirmed the total
Number of raptured at 142 million you may notice my partner Greg isn’t here that’s because he was raptured apparently God does love gays but only if they’re tops well if we’re going to be left behind at least we’re Left Behind together yeah but what the hell Francine I’m
Trying to rebuild my spaceship so I can get off this planet but all my boxes of spare parts are full of Hard Rock Cafe sweatshirts oops there must have been a mixup when I gave stuff to Goodwill oh okay well as long as there’s a good explanation didn’t you hear the puppets
Demons are coming to rape our skulls breaking news the second coming of Jesus is here frine sh I want to hear this that’s right Jesus has returned to Earth and tonight he’ll be at the Langley Falls Civic Arena where he’ll brief mankind on his upcoming battle with the
Antichrist that’s it we’ll just go to Jesus and explain there was a mistake okay the coast is clear yes Stan oh it’s me Stan Smith I was supposed to be raptured but there was a mistake I’m sorry Stan but what’s done is done wait I know what this is
About it’s because of the sex in church isn’t it look I didn’t want to do it she seduced me what please Jesus don’t let her moral failings screw me out of paradise moral failings you think you’re better than me Stan you’re right what that’s why I’m going to Rapture him
Really oh Jesus you are the best l a world smell my ass wait you’re just going to abandon me here during Armageddon okay look I’ll go up to heaven and get a hand stamp I’ll come out lick it and press it against your hand boom you’re in just like that time
At Cabo Wabo oh wait that didn’t work you would have sit in the bus all night n it’ll work this time no Stan I wouldn’t want to get you in trouble and drag you down again in fact you never have to worry about that again because we’re through Francine no ST
Smith go to Heaven I’m sorry go ahead really I normally don’t eat here because Mur but it was right next to the arena H so you went to the Jesus sermon too did you go with your boyfriend I don’t have a boyfriend I had a husband but it’s over he left me well I hope
Whatever he left a woman like you for is worth it okay right here this is good all right Jesus Rapture me take off your clothes Oh I thought they came off Magic you’re not really Jesus are you hi Goodwill yeah I’m calling again about my spaceship parts well damn it look
Again oh hey honey good news I told Jesus not to Rapture me because I couldn’t bear to leave you behind nice try you didn’t get raptured because that wasn’t the real Jesus it was just some phony trying to take advantage of desperate fools what well next you’ll say I let
Him bend me over a dumpster before I came to my senses you are too much lady I know because I Found Jesus Stan the real Jesus he turned water in a f you’re the real Jesus hi Stan Jesus is back to spend the next seven years fighting the Antichrist and he asked me
To be his girlfriend he can date this time can you believe it Jesus thinks I’m good enough for him goodbye Stan have a nice Armageddon I dropped my meatball in the pool Hello Stan well well what brings you to new Denver Commander Jesus here on Christmas vacation that reminds me I got you a birthday present ow my other cheek I need a job done and you’re the only man who can do it forget it Nazarene I stopped doing things for you
The day you stole my woman well that’s just it Stan Francine the Antichrist SC her I don’t know how he got to her it means I can’t trust anyone not even my generals what makes you think you can trust me because I know you fought against his kind I fight for anyone who
Pays me I also know you still love her I’ll do it but not because of her if I help you you Rapture me off this you forsaken Rock Deal anyone you knew yeah he was my father’s Jester really funny dude it’s a trap the open road is too dangerous uh what if we go through sector 16 sector 16 the perfect man just proposed the perfect way to die fine then what about sector 35 sector 35 makes sector 16 look like
Sector 48 okay then what do you propose we Do I know someone who might be able to help okay quilo hit it damn it wait no wonder this isn’t working the stone waterfall goes in my career corner and the Orchid goes in my wealth Corner quarrel well well I always knew you’d Breeze back through my door Roger
Meet Jesus ah an alien one of my father’s side projects you better watch your mouth who whoa we need to book passage on your ship to the far outlands good luck the ship’s subfusion engines run on precious metals and crystalline minerals so unless you can poop out Gem
And crusted gold you’re out of luck when my Army laid Siege at the Battle of boa Raton they found this Okay I’ll drop you off at the layer of the Antichrist and then armag getting out of here oh that’s good I got to write that one Down come on start thanks for the ride otherworlder wait Jesus I’m still stuck here can’t you just send me to Heaven I can’t do that but I can offer you something else after I defeat the Antichrist I’m to begin the long road of rebuilding civilization it’s going to be
A lot of work and I could use your help it’s okay by the way what does the Antichrist look like believe me you’ll know him when you see Him who what did you do that for that was the Antichrist no there’s a prep school two blocks away sometimes the kids come in here and play and I guess I just picked a whole bouquet of oopsy daisies This is it the layer of the Antichrist where everything’s anti me Francy kneel before the Lord Punk Oh Stan don’t get any ideas doll I’m just in this for the Rapture right the only thing you ever cared about Hello darling leave the heartwarming reunion for leaders sorry Doter the Antichrist condemn them mother for they know exactly what they do uh I’m I’m sorry what does that mean you know it’s the opposite of forgive them Father for they know not what they do hello I’m the Antichrist I’m the opposite of Jesus in every way Auntie
Get us out of this thing well Jesus you can walk on water a let’s see if you can swim in [Applause] land I built that see you were a carpenter I’m not handy at all we’re pinned down it’s rain and wise men Hallelujah you should have known Auntie with me the thighs the limit H funny Stan what are you doing in one minute this place is going to be blown to Kingdom Come Thou sh not not [Applause] Kill later World smell my ass St Stan why Stan why did you take the bullet for me for the same reason I came here for her Francine I was wrong to ever think I was better than you I wish I could go back and change the man I was you’re the
Best so you deserve the best you deserve Fancy Feast what sorry I mean Jesus you deserve Jesus I’m kind of bleeding out here here let me help you our wedding rings let go both of you this place is going to blow no Stan I can’t leave you behind I know you
Can’t get her out of here stand at least let me Rapture you there’s no time the spell takes too long he’s right Go Merry Christmas Mr and Mrs Jesus well here we are I always imagined I’d spend eternity with Francine Stan this is your personal Heaven it is what your heart most desires honey I’m wearing my new dress how do I look definitely not like a [ __ ] baby definitely not like a [ __ ] oh Stan Bye have a beautiful time Hey Whoa man I think I have that disorder where you fall asleep after you stay up all night that’s not a disorder that’s called exhaustion what were you doing up all night Mrs S asked me to prep the chil enil andos MOs for breakfast you made this you know the way
You say the names of this traditional Mexican breakfast sounds different from Mom’s but it tastes exactly like it my secret I always have Jeff make it another secret quos is Spanish for eggs and balls Jeff you shouldn’t be staying up all night doing chores for my mom especially before we celebrate our
Anniversary our wedding’s birthday sure so let’s be well rested for our wedding birthday dinner tomorrow and for the festivities after it’s our weird sex stuff birthday too not to me Jeff okay I’ve just finished designing my costume for the CIA costume party and this is how I’ll be
Going I don’t know what I’m looking at you’re looking at chicken baby chicken baby dad I don’t think anyone at the CIA is going to understand your costume chicken baby is not a thing nothing is a thing until it happens for the first time do you know who said that Steve
Chicken baby welcome aboard Steve good morning USA I got a feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day the Sun in the sky has a smile on his face and he shining a salute to the American race oh boy it’s SW to say good morning USA Jeff we’re going to be late for our dinner reservation well hello Miss unobstructed forehead and who is this Persona oh this is no Persona this is an homage to my favorite Man Tony Mendes was he one of those two brothers who killed their parents no those were the Menendez
Brothers both way hotter than this guy Tony Mendes is who Ben Affleck played in Argo 1979 dude made a fake movie to Fly hostages out of Iran and planes didn’t even exist before that Tony Mendes made the first airplane that isn’t true yeah you got me just trying a lie any who I’m
Celebrating the opening of an Argo Museum in Fargo North Dakota apparently tried to put it in Argo Alabama but there was already a museum dedicated to the movie Fargo there Jeff get down here I can’t hear any more about Tony Mendes he was a Scorpio and he hated
Mushrooms one sec babe I just need to finish recording this song off the radio it’s the last song I need for clouse’s mixtape for Duda now you’re doing favors for clouse I believe favors means they’ll be returned I get nothing oh my God babe you are such a people pleaser thank you
It’s not a compliment it’s really not Roger all right Consider Me Gone Girl another great Ben Affleck film if you’ll excuse me I’m off to the town to bang some M rats Jeff you got to learn how to say no I told clouse I was celebrating
With you but he said making the mixtape was the most important thing in the world to him but he didn’t feel like doing it himself because it’s boring I couldn’t say no what if he got mad at me who cares if clouse gets mad at you but
When someone’s mad at me I get so anxious look by bottom line you need to do what you want not what other people want you to do all right that won’t be hard great now put on this shirt for dinner you know you’re not supposed to choose your own clothes you got it Babe finally I get you all to myself nobody coming around being like the Jeff chew my food wipe my butt oh no your shirt whoops it’s just when you do voices they’re spot on but who are they hey hey you look like me no I don’t I
Look like Jonathan Taylor Thomas and I thought the manager said we couldn’t do our laundry here hey new guy I said no laundry me I don’t I just spilled on my you spilled on your shirt and now you’re doing laundry like I asked you not to well
Yeah but are you trying to make me mad are you not mad already get back in that kitchen or I’ll be really mad okay boss hey what’s that sloshing you better not be an employee doing laundry in there uh nope just a horny customer jerking off very good sir thank you for choosing
Mama mjas whoa look at that hot ass dad wearing the did somebody say hot ass dad wearing the perfect costume Stan you stepped on my line take it from the top did someone say danan you’re not giving me time to say it you know what forget it this is just for Steve’s
Benefit my benefit wow what am I looking at right right chicken baby in the flesh did I nail it or what and instead of milk Kool-Aid and ever CLE nothing but the best for the best dress no stress feeling young and blessed Dad I’m worried you’re going to
Spend all night explaining your costume oh okay I see you’re jealous oh it’s so sad but I forgive you because as everyone knows chicken baby has a big heart full of forgiveness so go yourself and there Styles is a werewolf better check your moon schedule before
You go camping with this guy and look dicks a scarecrow wouldn’t hurt to check your moon schedule about him too in fact it’s starting to seem like these moon schedule party favors aren’t as stupid as people first thought bloody hellsmith what are are you probably should have checked your
Moon schedule before you chose that get up these 2017 moon schedule right indispensable the manager is a real Tyrant huh tell me about it it’s making me work on my anniversary Jeff customer in the kitchen hide what are you doing you left me alone so long I watched the
Irishman and its entirety on my phone I’m so sorry babe the manager asked me to wash dishes and then something came up with um with Jane’s babysitter Jane so she asked me to cover for her and I didn’t know she was working a double Jeff table now hey if I don’t see you
Again I just wanted to say thanks for telling me about all the girls you banged at Christian Camp do you understand what I’m saying Jeff have you said all the parts get back in the kitchen okay Jeff sit down okay it’s happening I’m getting [Applause] angry Jeff doesn’t work here you [ __ ]
He’s just a people pleaser who can’t say no my bad thank you for choosing Mama munas Jeff you got to stop doing what everyone else wants you’re not just a monkey taking orders but I like doing what makes other people happy that’s my reason for doing anything plus I like
Monkeys what about tonight our wedding’s birthday did you want this well you asked me to marry you I what you proposed to me I thought you wanted I was talking about where we’re eating not our whole fing marriage oh good woo the restaurant no no I can’t believe you only married
Me because I asked you to babe wait could you keep it down please I’m jerking off really hard right now oh hey Jeff what’s up sad ass all I messed up and now Haley’s worried I just married her because she wanted me to but that’s what happened right yeah but I
Also married her because I wanted me to I love babe she called me a people pleaser which turns out as a bad thing wow bad things are harsh hey could you give me a hand plucking these strawberry seeds out of my toothbrushes my fingers are sore from piano lessons sounds like
You have to show Haley you’re capable of making a self-motivated decision is that what I got to do yes and you can do that by choosing to do something no one in the world would want to do but you my heart’s desire yes but what is that I
Can’t tell you that Jeff but this little bag can is that drugs yes I love when drugs are the Solution your costume is a failure you’re a big stupid idiot stand time to tear up this Mena membership card Men’s Spa oh that’s that’s why no one wanted to do anagrams with me in the steam room whoa it’s chicken baby great costume who said That my name is Shaman Randy you may know me as the part-time lifeguard at the Y I was full-time but they cut my hours guess they don’t care if kids drown from 7 to n this is Mother aasa and on today’s Journey she will show you your heart’s
Desire and mess you up real good IAS is so powerful it costs 10 whole dollars for a container this big at Whole Foods tuttle’s confusing aasa with asai berries I’m not correcting him now iasa can make you feel a little like vomiting but as the do llama famously said The
More you throw up the more you grow up and then he famously threw up Namaste Shaman Randy please call me Shaman Randy when will it kick in I don’t feel Any my CH [ __ ] mixtape th Song Shave me shave my monkey balls I’m supposed to be chicken baby everybody Knows Moon schedules get your indispensable Moon schedules I know what I want I know what I want I know what I want to do yes yes that’s quite common more have to than want to no I know how to show Haley I’m capable of doing things just
Because I want to do them I’m going to drive a plane Across America wow I need you to wipe your mouth immediately and you don’t mean fly a plane no my license is for driving I’m going to taxi across the country right back into Haley’s
Heart well I got to hand it to you that’s certainly something no one else in the history of time has ever wanted to do but there’s just a small matter of where to get had a plane they have a ton of them at the airport you know what I
Could give you my old plane it’s just been sitting Gathering dust really if Jeff gets a plane can I get an amen Amen wait stop stop it’s okay sir you hit your head pretty hard but you’re going to be fine no no I’m not my son he thinks so little of me well that’s pretty common no somebody recognized my costume it wasn’t us but there was a guy in
Here AOE whoever was in that stall got my costume and when he ran out to share the good news he lost his shoe he’s my Cinderella no one’s leaving this party until I find him when it’s a man you say Cinderella you bigot Haley did you hide my driving cane
Hide it up your ass if you don’t get out of here I’m sorry clouse I I don’t even know if my husband wanted to marry me wow I’m T you would open up to me about this unfortunately I have some advice that will solve well babe I guess it’s pretty
Obvious what this means no not even a little bit I’m driving this thing to North Dakota to remove any doubt about the sincerity of my wedding vows that sounds kind of unnecessary bordering on stupid I’m glad you think so cuz that proves I’m doing it for
Me wa wonder where he’s going in such a hurry I’m flying this car to Fort launderdale to prove to my wife I love her that’s sweet his wife is going to be so happy so I don’t know if my marriage is even real of course Jeff said I do but
He never says no to anything oh totally I dared him to kiss the and he did he also mounted our TV and hung the picture frames and got rid of the Dead bat in the back of the refrigerator this bat’s dead no that’s a different bat our
Other bat look what I’m trying to say is I don’t even know if Jeff loves me because of the bat no of course he loves you he won’t shut up about you oh my god Nerf check out this bat is he freaking gorgeous or what oh my god get it he’s
$6,000 though screw it I’m getting it I got it it’s it’s done wait guys what do you mean Jeff won’t shut up about me do you guys talk to him a lot yeah mostly when he’s trimming my bush he always makes it about you when he what’s your want
Now oh my god look Jeff’s always going to be a people pleaser that’s just who he is but if you don’t realize he loves you you are batshit crazy hey look someone’s driving a big metal bat on the highway for those of you who just unmuted your TVs yes someone is driving
A plane down the road causing incredible damage eyewitnesses say it even tore through a Foot Locker exposing that they do in fact have your size in the back now let’s throw it over to Memphis who like the plane is down on the ground you hate to see it Greg six adult bookstores
Completely decimated what was once the heartbeat of Langley affectionately known as Skin alley is now no more and now I’m standing next to a man who seems to think I’m going to interview him but I’m not back to you this just feels good I’m following my heart showing babe that what we have
Is real and I’m in the middle of a night fight with Jesus it’s babe wait this isn’t safe I should be in airplane mode I’m switching to airplane mode too I’m dying that’s everybody’s shoes yes Dan you did it no one is wearing shoes I don’t like that tone dick I’m not being
Stupid I’m looking for my Cinderella shoe match where are the hostage negotiators over there why aren’t we using them cuz they blew out their voices singing Living on a Prayer in the karaoke room that was them it was worth it but we’ve contacted Smith’s family and someone’s coming to talk him
Down oh boy dad is everything okay oh yeah better than okay Steve contrary to what you thought someone recognized my costume and uh the shoe Sho are for what Dad I’m looking for my Cinderella the man who recognized my costume left a shoe behind couldn’t you have just
Looked for the person with one shoe Millennials always taken the easy way and you you’re only wearing one shoe Dad so your Cinderella is me so that must mean my subconscious told me how Kick-Ass my costume was before I passed out I guess I should feel lucky to have such a supportive subconscious great dad so can everybody go home to their families then not quite yet Steve maybe
You guys didn’t know I was chicken baby but I knew and that was the lesson I was trying to teach my son teach all of you really because if you know who you are in here uh-oh here comes the tranquilizer then it doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks of you chicken baby
Is a metaphor for being yourself let the party continue we still have the photo booth for an hour if anyone wants to wear a a funny hat with me get off the RO they’re making me late never heard of flying [ __ ] sorry I know babe told me not to care if
People are mad at me but I do care I cannot care I give Up Tuttle put some clothes on bud we’re in mixed company I don’t want to babe we need to talk no babe we need to talk I tried my hardest to show you I love you but I just got in everybody’s way and they were honking and I felt
Terrible I failed if you don’t want to be married to me I understand no babe just the opposite I love you Jeff and I know that being a people pleaser is just part of the whole beautiful package of Jeff but I didn’t prove I love you you
Don’t have to nerur and Duda did it for you oh those guys are great they let me kiss a bat when you try to make people happy it’s your way of showing you love them and nobody could make me happier than you Do what in Tony Mendes’s blessed name are you doing my girl Margo at the Argo Museum told me to turn on the news cuz there’s an embargo on my cargo headed for Fargo This Plane needs to get to North Dakota or I’m not getting 400 bucks wait this was your idea as Jeff’s
Iasa Shaman I may have had a light hand in guiding him drive my plane to Fargo drive my plane to Fargo that’s your heart’s desire okay drive my plane to Fargo heart’s desire so get back on the plane Jeff you got to get moving no find somebody else to drive your plane
Never mind I just spotted an extremely qualified Candidate have a good Night good morning USA I got a feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day the Sun in the sky has a smile on his face and he shining a salute to the American race oh boy it’s SW to say good morning USA oh my God please don’t tell me Shatner died you’re looking well our presentation can now begin a word of caution I would refrain from sharing popcorn with a gentleman to your left as I saw him cut a hole in the bottom of his bucket ah he’s kidding
Popcorn hello I’m Steve Smith I’m sitting right over there what in the past I have personally made Ironclad cases as to why I am the perfect candidate to own a dog I am an American Boy and I both crave and offer companionship but tonight I’m calling on
Other folks to help me make my case this is my best friend snot I’m snot lonstein and this is my dog drel we get a lot of comments when I walk him hey who’s walking who there one I particularly enjoy that’s good fun that’s enough
Steve I’ve told you over and over I will never allow anyone in this house to get a dog ever I agree with Stan I’m the only pet this house needs what about me you can’t be a pet unless someone loves you Stan don’t you think you were a little
Harsh with Steve in there I’m tired of his constant pleas for a dog it’s dog dog dog all day long you think you can get something just by saying it enough if that were true all I’d be saying is Jane Seymour from behind just Jane Seymour from behind Jane Seymour from
Behind over and over Jane Seymour from behind Stan have you considered that maybe you won’t let Steve have a dog because of a deeper issue you know damn well why when I was a boy I had a dog named Freddy he was my best friend but right after my dad left us my
Mom said Freddy was diagnosed with what is now known as Air Bud disease she told me the Humane thing to do was to put Freddy down no my mom said to please accept your fate with dignity turns out Freddy wasn’t even sick they just didn’t allow dogs at our
New apartment building and because of that super sad story I will never have a dog in my home it’s such a sad story that I won’t even undercut it with a joke I’m just going to let it end sad are you sure you don’t want to come
Up with some joke to end that nope give me sad Stan we had a dog already I don’t think so we did 5 years ago you got steveen old dog that peed dust and you killed it we also had another dog named fussy that you didn’t like or something
Francine those were obviously dreams I refuse to discuss your dreams in the daytime hey Roger what’s where the hell have you been you are not going to believe what’s going on in this house things are really going to pot around here great it’s locked I forgot my key
Of course you never gave me a key that kind of bothers me but that’s not important what is important is what’s going on around here you’re gonna see buddy oh you are GNA see this is great suddenly security is real tight around here you are just going to lose it when
You see what’s going on in your house you are really going to blow your stack the worst part of it is the disrespect to you they are castrating you quite frankly I’m sorry but that’s what they’re doing they are cutting off your nads period end of story oh you’re going
To see it so soon luck it’s sloppy it’s so wet oh I love you too what in the hell is that it’s my new dog kisses I said no dogs oh this is good for Steve and it’ll be good for you to love a dog again I bet Freddy is smiling
Down from doggy heaven right now I hope he is I hope he’s up there living in a lake house driving a kick-ass speedboat eating the foamy grass he just threw up let Steve keep kisses Stan fine but I won’t have anything to do do with that dog if he buys a table
At a charity event I won’t sit at it I’m mad at you you are consistently a problem for Me where were you last night bowan Tuesday night is league night where else would I be Mrs Gil said she saw you coming out of the ballet studio again whoa taking some Liberties here oh um okay but I’m I’m only letting you sit there because my crotch is
Chilly you’re soft like the detergent bear oh and look there’s a little ear who likes a scratch who likes an ear scratch huh just going to snap a pick for Steve it’s for him not for me oh my God what a cute little yawn what a tired little
Baby you were right Francine it feels so good to love a dog again don’t throw the frisbee too close to the street Stan don’t worry the odds of me being involved in another dog related tragedy or Astronomical that a boy Kisses oh it’s not fair it’s not fair why him why no take me take me take me oh my God Smith family yes well the good news is that kisses survived the balloon accident he’s still alive well yes but he’s only breathing with the help of a
Machine oh God he’s not dead are are you sure I I don’t mean to question your abilities it’s just I saw you pull into the parking lot in a geom Metro that’s not a car for a doctor that’s a sweet 16 gift for a Filipino no this is an unfortunate
Situation doctor his kiss is going to make it well most of his vital organs have failed I’m afraid there there’s not much hope oh no it’s Freddy all over again I know this is hard but under the circumstances I think the right thing to do is to pull the plug oh God so
Sad I won’t be responsible for another dog dying who are we to play God you know who I like to see play God Borat he he’d be all like M no he he be my m i I can’t do it I can’t do it well if you’re
Going to keep kisses on life support we’ll need to discuss the cost of care oh here we go that’s the real medicine huh cash guess I got to show Jerry Maguire the money here why don’t you take it all just so you know it was Rod Tidwell
Who asked that the money be shown to him not Jerry Maguire I’m sure in your grief you mixed up the characters oh you know we’ve never even discussed what we would do if either one of us was on life support yeah if I was messed up
Like kisses I’d want you to pull the okay Doctor aside and tell him I’m allergic to penicillin wow you said okay pretty quickly you know we should probably see a lawyer and make a will to sort this stuff out that way we both know our final wishes will be
Honored why did you guys drag me out here to listen to this boring lawyer stuff you still here of course I am what did you find out when’s the surgery surgery Mr Smith I know this is hard but kisses is not going to recover from this
Accident you’re real quick to give up on this dog aren’t you dock what’s your hurry you got to get your report card out of the mailbox before your folks get home look it’s obvious I’m going to have to cure the dog myself I’m going Lorenzo’s Oil on this one you’re going
To fix him why not me what you don’t think I can do a major surgery because I’m not a doctor like you you sound a lot like my Taylor who also didn’t think I could do things on my own In and Magic the hand make We my creation is it real it’s my creation my creation it’s my creation come on he’s defacing the walls do something oh no you don’t you don’t do that around here okay that takes care of all the medical stuff now let’s move on to the distribution of possessions
We’re hippies Bernie okay we don’t care about material things that’s gross that’s a gross way to live well we do have a few things um there’s my hacky sacks and my sleeping bag oh and I control the master tapes to Blues Traveler’s first album what years
Ago I was the tour cook for the band and the lead singer John popper loved my food so he gave me the tapes they earn about 2 million a year what or maybe more I don’t know I haven’t really been paid paying attention since I gave the
Rights to Patricia my daughter you have a daughter well stepdaughter yeah back when I was into cougars I married her mom who was 71 that’s hot that’s a hot way to live anyway my wife had passed and it was Patricia’s 50th birthday and I didn’t know what to get her so Jeff
You need to get those tapes back okay my God is there anything else that you’d like to share with me I think the dude who lives in your parents attic has a crush on me he makes me comfortable hey Bookworm well I just did a ton of
Research at the library but I couldn’t concentrate they were blasting oo Boingo at top volume but I did find this flyer this woman specializes in fixing animals that other vets have given up on look I know you want to do everything to help kisses but this isn’t right hello Steve
You’ve stop crying crying well it’s been 4 days I ran out of tissues and started using my handy tube sock to dry my tears think my eyes might be pregnant anyway Dad it’s time to let kisses go there’s no quality of life for him anymore he’s
Right Stan it’s my dog Dad it’s my call okay Steve okay hey yiny yangs Steve did you tell him you want to pull the plug I at least want to be there oh my God look at your hair it’s getting so long how sweaty is your nape right now
You’re doing the right thing your husband was here earlier to say goodbye in private don’t you worry kissers Dr Lizzy’s going to fix you right up you like music my friend clouse made us a mixtape for the drive hey Stan hey kisses hope this tape makes your journey
A little more rocking sent a letter on a long summer day made of silver not of clay oh I’ve been running down this dusty road F you dick the Wheel in the Sky keeps on Turning Dr Lizzy my name is Stan Smith my dog kisses was crushed by a hot air balloon full of pirate cats can you help me come in thanks is it cool that I parked There kisses is being prepped for surgery he’s going to be fine you were stuck on what I like to call the Western pharmac cycle veterinarians give pets diseases and then sell owners medicine that cures those diseases but gives them different diseases oh it’s a great business model if you’re the devil
You have a beautiful laugh so you see Patricia I’m remarried now and we could really use the Blues Traveler money no way okay we thought you might resist which is why we brought our lawyer Bernie do your thing all right ma’am I understand that you’re determined to
Keep the money I just have one question will you marry me what yes yes of course I will Bernie hey you know he’s just doing this for the money I know but we’ll still have lots of sex right burn maybe oh my God my baby’s getting married Chef we
Are paying for the wedding I don’t want to hear another word about it thanks Dad well the procedure was the success we saved kisses oh thank you Dr Lizzy can I see him I’ll do you one better call him kisses kisses it’s Daddy come to Daddy come To well what do you think where where are his eyes he was blinded by the accident so I removed his eyeballs and put them where his testicles used to be dogs deser deserve dignity too sir is his head a a baseball mitt softball mitt know what I’m saying I’ll wink saying it
Without saying it I like all the ladies this isn’t how I pictured he’d turn out Stan you wanted me to keep kisses alive and I did you told me to do anything and everything I could did you not tell me that no I I did I did good now here’s the bill
$6,000 well I also fixed your car Stan this is the sixth message I’ve left please call me when you get this hey look what I found my smile you know where it was four minutes into the Today’s Show thank you Al Roker for talking to those fat women holding a
Banner that said Minnesota cheese Queens I’m worried about your father he was just so distraught over kisses God knows what’ll Stan where have you been doing what none of you thought could be done I saved kisses okay I don’t know what you did but all kisses needs is to be put
Out of his misery misery you call this misery kisses come on Boy oh my God please kill this dog end this I know he’s initially hard to look at but it still kisses look deep into his eyes which are now his balls and you’ll see okay whatever that is it’s not [Laughter] kisses don’t listen to her kisses you’re still daddy’s little
Fella is that kisses oh my god oh no no now this dog I like he can stay Freddie hop in Stan where are we this is heaven grab me something cold will you no no no no no come on bro look Stan this nonsense you got going on with kisses isn’t right but Dr Lizzy said that Dr Lizzy’s a mental patient okay look take it from another dog if
Kisses can’t run and play and do all that crap we like then what’s the point maybe I I don’t know Stan let kisses go saving him won’t bring me Back yeah yeah you’re right it’s okay man you want to drive I got to quit these things I got to quit these things too but I can’t I got too much of my dad in me all right kisses you ready 3 2 1 Stan I blew up kisses with dynamite
What why because of Freddy Because of You Freddy this is nice hey Freddy Trish thinks a new guy’s cute Penny you’re going to do just fine here yeah you got to kill those Sometimes Bye have a beautiful Time good morning USA I got a feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day the Sun in the sky has a smile on his face and he’s shining a salute to the American race oh boy it’s SW to say good morning USA ah Frankie Scott Key you’re the white man’s Marvin Gay amazing sex Francine yep you completely reduced my swelling and how was it for you Francine it was great right wasn’t it so great as always Stan it was fabulous just fabulous couldn’t have chosen a better word it
Was fantastic just think for 20 years I’ve been taking you to satisfaction Avenue you know that’s where you get off and then wait for the next bus which comes right on schedule every 96 hours uh yep that’s my stop baby oh there go the lights again I’ll check the fuse
Box whoa where’d you get that old candleabra oh I keep it under the bed next to the Flashlight mom what are you doing oh my Haley who’s your sarthy chiseled friend Mom this is Mauricio we are benefits benefits H he means we’re friends with benefits but we’re not friends well then just pretend I’m not here all right Mom creepy come on Macio let’s go upstairs please save your legs for
Spasming we’ll try to keep it down or don’t it’ be nice to hear someone have some fun in this house oh my God that just seemed to fly off the wall all by itself oh well probably Nothing CL you made me lose my turn sorry Steve I just wanted to say I’m off to Atlantic City for a weekend of motivational workshops by Deepak Chopra Phil Jackson and George Bush the one termer not the hero this weekend is going to change my life bye Steve will
You remember to feed my pet smaller fish yeah yeah I’m on it o that’s my shuttle this guy’s got a broken Funny Bone call NBC they’ll give him a half hour they will what the hell Steve I did not touch the rim yes you did the board buzzed
I’ve performed this very operation far drunken and on real people something else made the buzzer go off you know this isn’t the first strange occurrence in the house lately I think this may be the work of a ghost Roger that is the lamest excuse ever to get an extra turn
I’m serious Steve things in this house have had a mind of their own and and I felt a dark presence when nobody’s there and yes I would like another turn there’s no such thing as ghosts then how do you explain that oh my God I know outside of the
Commercials that’s the first time I’ve ever seen that game work here we are sir oh what a wonderful room just set me down on the bed oh these sheets feel so good against my ball and could you please put the do not disturb sign on the door of course sir
And if you need anything at all my name is Benji thanks Benji if you’re a parent head try Jimmy Buffett’s Key West Saloon located downstairs in the lobby from world-renowned Chef Gordon fukami comes rongi a beastro house with a South Asian flare and if you’re looking to get your
Funny bone tickled don’t miss Rita rudner’s hilarious live standup show do you know the difference between a Government Bond and a man the bond matures absolutely incredible and if it’s NTI you’re after my lower Lum damn it if you’re a parro head try Jimmy Buffett’s Key West Saloon located
Downstairs in the lobby from world-renowned Chef Gordon fukami comes raponi a beastro house with a South Asian flare take on clous the maid will be here soon she’ll get you your back pills and you’ll be good to go hilarious live standup show do you know the difference between a Government Bond G Man Roger we’ve set up cameras in every room in the house and the only strange activity we’ve seen is stuff we already know about like how dad pretends he’s a mummy when he’s on the toilet also we know Francine is way too interested in Haley’s sex life is she eating mozzarella like it’s
An apple look Roger I admit something may have been here but it’s gone now 340 no sign of the ghost really have to pee but don’t want to miss anything shut your stupid face look in the basement the washing machine it’s turning on by itself it’s looks like Mom hey guys
A 343 just peed myself asparagus what’ you wake me up for I was having a dream I owned a collectible shop was haggling with a kid about a Grimace glass now dad prepare yourself Roger and I found proof the house is haunted haunted please as if a pizza guy
Has ever been murdered here and buried under the Foundation but nobody’s gone to the cops right what Stan no I don’t know how it’s possible but this ghost is wheel and it looks just like me well maybe 20 lbs ago dad check out this footage from the
Basement that was scary but but fun scary it’s fun to be scared huh this is phenomenal special effects work Steve no it’s real it is a ghost and it’s beautiful whoa It’s chosen me it’s chosen me ow that really hurt beautiful Spectre this is freaking my Dicky out
All right that’s it I’m texting the one person who can help greatens my name is Ruby zeldin I’m a medium to the other side and I make a hell of a shoe fly pie are we really going to do this do you have a medium character oh there is a presence here a
Very bitter presence full of resentment you’re mine nowo is anyone else still seeing his junk when they close their eyes yeah yep what the hell was that thing that took Mauricio darling that was the spirit your spirit I’m dead maybe that’s why my nails have stopped growing oh
Wait there they go not all hauntings are caused by the dead child sometimes they’re caused by emotions feelings kept locked away so long that they manifest themselves as a malevolent Force so it is a poist not quite the entity in this house was born specifically out of Francine’s sexual frustration I like to
Call it a poltergasm what are you doing I just drew a trademark sign with my finger child because I’ve registered the word poltergasm any movie scripts you write based on your experiences here Ruby gets a slice this is properous I took Francine to satisfaction Avenue just last night oh I doubt that now
Sweetie try to remember when was the last time your husband satisfied you well like Stan said last night do you know that to be the only and absolute trick truth and therefore the Christian truth well sort of it’s more like satisfaction Avenue adjacent adjacent but when we have sex you look just like
Meg Ryan in that scene from When Harry Met Sally when she fakes it oh my God I love that movie mom this makes sense the way you look at Mauricio and me you are clearly jealous and repressed yes this foul Spirit was born of a lie and nurtured by repression
Think back when did it all begin I guess a couple years ago when we went to that Sandals Resort for our Anniversary oh my God that was the best sex ever awesome as usual right be honest you got there didn’t you well actually I have really gotten this down to a science I get in I do what I need to do and I get the hell out how great
Was it for you so great right it was Stan it was the best ever it was Fabulous God’s clapping for me you’ve been faking it for 2 years Stan just because a Jack In The Box doesn’t pop out does it mean I don’t enjoy you cranking the handle don’t touch me I don’t satisfy anymore I’m the opp opposite of Snickers I’m sorry I’m not packed with peanuts
Francine all this talk about satisfying getting my girdle all gooey I think I’m wearing it wrong and if you’re looking to get your funny bone tickled don’t miss Rita rudner’s hilarious live standup show do you know the difference between the government Bond and a man the bond mes absolutely
Incredible and if it’s NTI you’re after dance the night away at our exclusive Club andonia if you’re a parro head try Jimmy Buffett’s Key West Saloon located downstairs in the lobby from world-renowned Chef Gordon fukami comes rongi beastro house with a South Asian flare and if you’re looking to get your
Funny bone tickled don’t miss Rita rudner’s hilarious live standup show do you know the difference between the government Bond and the man mates absolutely [Applause] Incredible be strong just follow the Rope into the light you did it I’m a free Macio no this problem is far worse than I first sensed your mother’s poltergasm trademarked has got Macio in its claws like that claw game at arcades except you know if the claw was strong
And didn’t drop things so pretty much not that claw game Ruby what are you saying there’s no way to get Mauricio back I’m sorry child but this spirit is not going to be satisfied until your mother is and since your father isn’t up to the task I’m not sure who is well
Oh no gross I just need a new belt I just don’t get it I did everything right I can’t help but feel this is her fault dad you have to snap out of it you got to get Mom where she needs to get to I
Can’t Haley I don’t know what to do only there was some sort of kindly robot or magic wand that could pleasure my wife but we live in the real world Dad look around you the ghost is getting stronger you have to satisfy mom you’re right but I clearly don’t know what I’m doing
Anymore you just need to get some help a book or the internet or an over sexed hippie who just happens to be my daughter Haley you are going to be my sex coach well that really backfired on me didn’t it okay Dad we’re running out of time
Tonight’s the night you have to please Mom and we’re going to help all right let’s do this what’s my name what are we talking about all right let’s do this Ruby and I will fix up your bedroom room to look just like your anniversary sweep by recreating the night the pgasm was
Born but changing the outcome it will expel the foul horny Spirit from this family nobody’s questioning that and we’re moving on I call tonight the sexism now that’s really trademarked because I found out that somebody else already had pgasm trademarked and now I’m in hot water let’s start your
Training dad first things first what do you do before sex what do you mean before sex I’m at work Theol That burning with determination to even of the heart on fire Des this looks just like our anniversary Suite it even smells like it this beach scented candle from CVS is guaranteed to grease the beef or your money back but I stole this one so don’t try to return it you guys have done a great job I just
Don’t know if I can pull this off Dad just remember what you learned today and everything will be fine hi Stan American Dad is filmed in front of a live studio audience Dan I don’t want that cup why would I want a non-m conditioned Grimace cup your selection is shoddy wake up children look around you everything’s back to normal I just acted so heterosexual that I needed something phallic in my mouth to even things out I just knew my stand the
Man would take me there Dad if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go downstairs and work on my skateboard I think today I just might finish it wait a minute if Dad did the job then where’s Maricio ah what do you want from me you got your Big O no come on let’s get out of Here it won’t budge the kitchen door let’s go we’re trapped boo the Halloween decorations devil Austin Powers happy Halloween [Laughter] Baby the walls they’re closing in and the house is sinking too it’s a twofer it’s a terrible twofer you lied I shook the headboard but I couldn’t curl your toes I’m sorry no one shall find release until I do oh Dad what did you do wrong I don’t know probably everything well you’re
Going to have to give it one more money shot it’s our only hope I can’t perform under these conditions I’m not going out like this this is Mexican tar Viagra now down it they taste terrible that’s cuz they’re suppositories okay honey let’s do this I need to get you there and
We’re running out of time I’m sorry Stan this isn’t working and if we’re really going to die can we at least just take things slow what do you mean oh Stan don’t you remember we used to take all night long you used to kiss my neck really why because it was
Never about finishing the race it was about running it but somewhere along the way I don’t know you just started treating our sex like it was another one of your missions oh my God you’re right I do do that honey I I’m so sorry that’s okay just kiss my neck it’s
Working I just remembered I also used to blow in your ear oh Stan that really turns me on rine why didn’t you tell me you were so unsatisfied I don’t know I guess I was afraid of hurting your feelings now lick my neck and tell me I’m your favorite horse in the
Stable you’re my favorite horse horse on the whole Frontier now talk like you’re the Monopoly guy oh you freak you lovable freak keep telling me what to do I didn’t say thirst and howl I said the Monopoly Guy I’m a Free bullseye this house is clean but as for those [Laughter] Sheets oh clous I heard you were in Atlantic City did you try that new restaurant rongi I didn’t go there to eat I went there to improve myself which I did do oh yeah in what way I’m just better okay clouse chill out we’re all happy for you well it doesn’t sound like
That geez you guys need to be more like a Government Bond and mature clouse that’s pretty funny did you just think of that I’ve been thinking about it for a few days bye have a beautiful Time good morning USA I got a feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day the Sun in the sky has a smile on his face and he’s shining a salute to the American race oh boy it’s SW to say good morning USA I wanted you guys to be the first to know I’m getting married Stan you were the one who introduced me to Olivia which is why I wanted to ask you if you would do me the honor of being my best oh God oh God oh God Jeremy Michael my twin brother I
Can’t believe you’ve come back after being lost at sea for 12 years will you be my best man yes I hope you too will be very happy Michael was my last single guy friend Francine he was my last chance to be a best man being a best man is something
I’ve dreamt of my entire Life my dream is over Francine they say you have a better chance of getting hit by a meteor than of being a best man after your 40 who says that Roger so we know it’s true then come on think you must must have one single guy friend
Well there is one who has to see me pee on this Cake principal Brian Lewis my last single guy friend yeah superintendent Bless My Buddha belly I’ll never be a best man don’t give up on your dreams Stan all you need to do is convince Lewis to get married and then convince some girl to marry him you’re right how hard can it be sweet
You kill my master now you die he PNY no no no no no no that’s the dude I was telling you about while we were playing army guys oh the weird shorts guy he comes in every weekend tries on all the shorts and never buys anything where’s a mirror maybe there’s one through this odd tiny
Door I have been waiting for you and I you what’s happening what are we talking about I made you shorts I don’t know like little Kim I have a real tough body for shorts how much are they like everything after all it is impossible to tell because the price tag has fallen off
I’ll try them on but I don’t my God they’re amazing I wish Mom could figure out Skype so I could show her these shorts I want to apologize again for my behavior at the school the other night I take allergy medicine and I’m not supposed to drink 14 shots of tequila
When I’m on it you know you should think about settling down find a nice woman get married share your life with someone when you say share my life I hear share my tequila and I think no here try a hot wing they’re 100% boneless no bones zero boneless they got
Some food scientists up in here huh Bone full they are full Bon you almost died bro alone oh God alone bro I don’t want to die alone bro no one does bro you need to settle down and get married you’re scaring me bro get married Bro okay D all right yes
Don’t worry I’ll help you get your life on the right path now we just have to find someone to marry you well I was seeing a real classy broad recently totally different from all the women hookers hookers thank you that I’ve dated in the past but she dumped me
Because I wouldn’t commit perfect who is she yes I broke up with Brian because I wasn’t his first priority it was cocaine which he pronounced Caine superintendent his brush with death has changed him he wants to get married now I’ll marry him if he’s serious he is serious he is dead
Serious no drugs no drinking and a home-cook meal with my parents two nights a week agreed on the drugs and drinking and parents dinner once a week at a restaurant and he’d like you to give him a lefty cappuccino what’s that it’s not something you’d agree to if you knew what it was
Agreed now do you have something to ask me Brian me your man friend who has led you down this Blissful and best life path oh okay do you want to be my you want to maybe do this right or you going to half ass it get down on one
Knee okay now do it now everything is perfect Stan will you be my best man oh yes yes I will up until now I’ve just been a great man now I will be a best man and I’m the crestman I’m living in my car and obviously the Last Dance of the
Night will be the Humpty Dance I’m so proud of him Stan he’s two weeks sober jogging every day sleeping 14 hours a night can’t get in trouble if I’m asleep he’s pronouncing cocaine properly hasn’t peed on any cakes and hasn’t challenged a dog to fight in Days sorry to rush off but I’ve got a city council meeting I’m going to listen to the CD you made me in the car I love track 8 oh if you like track 8 then you’re going to love track seven I’ve already heard track seven oh you’re going to love
It okay did you bring the old photos for the the bachelor party slideshow right here this looks like a publicity photo for Different Strokes it’s actually a picture of my family but my life was the inspiration for that show you’re kidding nope my older brother William AKA
Willison I were adopted by a rich white guy all that stuff really happened to me I smoked a pack of cigarettes in the closet a fat man tried to touch me and my friend in a bicycle shop you just left Dudley there I did he’s real messed up
Now hey that’s me and Tracy Bryant my prison cellmate for 3 years we lost touch when I got out I don’t even know if he’s still in the joint or what man we go way back like car seats Yo Tracy you going to lift weights yeah Brian
Nothing else to do in here but get strong what you looking at [ __ ] [ __ ] I’m looking at you [ __ ] uh-oh lwis is obviously deep in thought guess I’ll take this opportunity to do my own thinking hey I should find his old cellmate Tracy and invite him to the
Wedding what a great best man thing to do Stan you and me is thinking buddies Roger I’ve seen you in shorts you look terrible in them remember I told you not to wear short I see my beauty has caused you to be quiet mid sentence Oh my God how is
That even possible I don’t know I mean watch but much like the appeal of the Ugg boot I’m not questioning it just except it now I need to think of a perfect venue to debut my new shorts what if you wear them up in the club in
Miami welcome to Miami enjoy your stay and now phase three to enroll at Florida State University how did a baby and a dog get on a flight to Miami guess they’re not as interested in reality as we are yep we’re keeping it real just a boy and an
Alien on a bus a boy and an alien in a wig and magical shorts on a bus super Real attention everyone as the best man I’ve got a special surprise for the groom it took some doing but I finally managed to find him Tracy Bryant your old cellmate Tracy been a long time Bryant I can’t believe you’re getting married cuz you already married to me
I’m his prison wife this ring is made out of love and commitment and pipe cleanness and human teeth you’re married mhm to this [ __ ] Ellen I can explain yeah explain how you’re going to stand here in front of all these nice people and commit a sin like this I your ass
But how is this even possible allow me to break it down for you according to prison rules I became Louis’s [ __ ] after he beat up my previous husband after that we had three years of wedy bliss we she had a home a job and some excellent toilet
Wine but that was years ago prison rules are serious we follow them till we die it took me 15 years to find you big loop and I’m never leaving you again ever forever get out of here Tracy I don’t need this now I finally got my life on
Track I say cocaine now this is all your fault don’t let him ruin my wedding hey it’s our wedding don’t don’t worry I’ll I’ll fix this Ryan you Gott fat on me more for me to zerbert gotta blow up my brown beach Ball this must be what Thomas Hayden Church feels like all the [Applause] time I am loving these shorts you are beautiful I know I’m legendary homosexual Ricky Martin D I did not know hey hey hey hey hey these Cubans are hling me hey I still don’t understand why I’m not riding a Lulu I told you he had some
Things to take care of so he asked me to drive you to his house drive faster I want to get to the kitchen and make some fish sticks ooh which one is ours first thing I’m going to do is plant some aom Tomatoes up in
Here you’re not going to ruin my big day that wedding is happening damn it Ryan it’s Stan I wanted to tell you that Tracy won’t be bothering us anymore hello white cheese but I killed you you can’t kill this love what we got here is the Eternal Flame the Bengal bat Circa 87 no you’re supposed to be on the wagon not drinking toilet wine with your
Prison wife look I love Ellen but seeing Tracy stirred up feelings I thought were gone we had some great times together he knows me so well I was afraid of dying alone and maybe now I don’t have to this isn’t a real marriage you are getting
Real married to Ellen and I’m going to be best man this is prison marriage [ __ ] this is prison rules H prison rules I love Brian Lew my heart is his forever where we going our house to watch movies uh what’s happening since I beat you up Tracy becomes my [ __ ] now
You know they made four free Willies how that fat water food let St get caught four times hey cooking [ __ ] hey cooking [ __ ] what you cooking egg whites I’m going to kill you um what’s going on I’m super afraid so Stan how long is your friend
Going to be staying with us just until after LS gets married oh we need salt Stan I know how much being a best man means to you but your friend keeps stabbing me I just need my [ __ ] to get along for a couple more days just getting a popsicle marmalade for the Table last night was horrible Steven it was the worst night of my life if I’d known there was someone as beautiful as you out there I would have come out so much sooner take off your CHS mamore uh let’s just make out some more but Roger it’s clearly time for butt
Play the worst part is I felt like Ricky Martin and I had a connection well Roger if that’s true then you shouldn’t be afraid to take your shorts off your looks open the door but your personality takes the door off its hinges like the bathrooms at the beach mhm do they do
That so the bums won’t have sex in there mhm that’s really smart mhm thanks for coming we four are the most important members in the wedding best man groom bride and flower girl I thought my niece was going to be the flower girl no your niece was not
Attractive but but Ashley here has won a regional beauty pageant I think it’s horrible the way we treat marine life in this country now I’m going to play the flute and a girl briyan you and Ashley go practice dancing with her standing on your feet it’ll be adorable a real crowd pleas
It I’m glad we have some alone time Ellen I’m working on my speech and wanted to ask a few questions sure shoot when was the moment you realized you wanted to marry Brian when I realized I wanted a baby oh okay and what do you
Love most about him that he has a penis full of baby ingredients oh here’s the deal I want to marry Brian and have a baby with him because it will help me get to my ultimate goal city com troller what I’ve been accused of two things not liking blacks and not liking kids
Getting married to Brian an educator and having a half black baby is exactly what I need to get out of this superintendent dead end there’ll be no limit to how far I can go the locks on a lot of doors in this city or motto baby-shaped
Stan why are you telling me all this we’re both using Brian to get what we want you won’t say anything this wedding is too important to us Ashley’s doing the splits for a cigarette unfiltered if you have it hello Ricky Martin you’re looking Guapo as usual don’t say a word I have
To be honest with you what is it Roger I didn’t take my shorts off last night because I didn’t want you to see the real me but I’m ready now I really like you and I hope you’ll still really like me too okay you are even more beautiful to me
Now because it is the real you this is it isn’t it this is the real thing yes it is especially because I have a secret of my own I too found an old blind woman behind a small door inside a Ross oh you shop at Roth The Woman made me the
T-shirt that I’m wearing that was 9 years years ago I have been afraid to take it off in front of another person ever since but your love has finally given me the guts to do it crap No sexy am sexy sexy sexy is that the real Mrs Garrett oh there’s the inspiration for Kimberly Mr Drummond was a man of mean so this should be a nice wedding this is a beautiful wedding yes it certainly switch seats with me welcome I’m Stan Smith your best man first up
The bride and groom will read their vows to each other which will be boring but then your best man will be right back that’s Drummond right Mr draff but you can call me Mr D look at that true love huh well true love is that really important it’s everything after
Kimberly’s mother passed I almost remarried the wrong woman turns out she had a secret agenda to ship the kids off to a boarding school wait I saw that episode season 1 episode 12 the woman but luckily a good friend of mine was looking out for me
It’s hard to know what the right thing is sometimes Mr D well how does your heart feel my heart hurts well I think you have your answer stop Ryan you can’t marry that woman what you talk about D finally she’s a horrible person I was trying to force this Union so I could
Have my big day but I’ve realized there’s something more important than being a best man I think I have to go to the h hospital and that’s being a better friend I was wrong to try and change you so go on do what you were born to do go
Punch that dog in the face you’re a good friend you ruined everything now how will I get my half black baby and become sitting troller where we going our house to take a bubble bath what prison rules girl you beat up my husband so I’m your [ __ ] Now Bye have a beautiful Time good morning USA I got a feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day the Sun in the sky has a smile on his face and he shining a salute to the American race oh boy it’s SW to say good morning USA oh Stan this trip could not have come at a better time our lives have been so dull lately I’m not going to lie I started stealing again and I came real close to cutting myself anyway I guess I’m just trying to say thanks for this surprise trip to Hawaii and the
Surprises don’t stop there because we’re actually going to Sacramento Sacramento that’s so boring boring but honey Sacramento has broken up into four different areas Area 1 area 2 area three area 4 doesn’t that sound insane so then I told him I like my men like I like my coffee in an extra large
Cup oh Margie you got to stop pounding so much coffee wink look at those girls they certainly seem to be having fun I know they’re fabulous if we’re looking for fun maybe we need to take a page from their book oh maybe it’s time for you to write a
Book of your own oh my God they’re talking to us we knew you were listening to us we don’t mind we like it we’re four high-flying gals who like to have fun we give a whole new meaning to Red Eye I’m not sure I get that but I know
It’s filthy you girls should have your own TV show people tell us that all the time but I can assure you we’re not simple TV caricatures we’re real people with hopes and dreams I’m Angie I’m in it for money I’m Christy I’m in it for adventure I’m Margie I’m in it for
Love I’m Denise I’m in it to avenge my Father and together we’re the naughty St those are some friend friendly Skies oh my God Stan you had a piece of glass in your eye I really appreciate you doing my homework for me Steve oh I should be thanking you I never knew how beautiful the French language was until I had to
Learn it to do your homework Mercy sometimes I feel like I should be doing my own homework but then I’m like nah did you like my story oh that’s my boyfriend fig he says he wants to fund me in his dad’s Tool Shed what does that mean uh pretty
Sure that’s his auto correct oh that explains why his ditch pick looks like this quit looking at my ditch nerd there you are silly still pining after Jenna I see if you haven’t Clos a deal with her by now you’ll never close it easy Berry he’ll
Make his move when he’s ready yeah we nerds have a long history of making our Dream Girls Fall for us like that that kid in Revenge of the Nerds who finally won the heart of that cheerleader Oh you mean the one who put on a Darth Vader M
So he could rape her at that Carnival yep yeah never saw it yeah coach says I got to break up with you so I can focus on football did you do it yes sir good cuz you players won’t look up to me if you’re having sex
And I’m not now whose house am I sleeping at tonight oh my God Steve looks like Jenna’s back on the market this is the window you’ve been waiting for yes perfect you can ask her to the winter Harvest Dance hey hey Jenna you okay figg broke
Up with me it hurts so bad why can’t I ever find a nice guy I wish there was somebody out there who’d ask me out and take this pain away [Laughter] Wow I can’t remember the last time I had a black Russian I can lay over in mosco sounds like you got laid over don’t try Dan just you be you oh my God is that Mark Cuban’s bodyguard oh and Mark cubin yeah last night he and Margie hooked up until they were having
Sex Margie last night was amazing I want to finish what we started I’m thinking me you and our weekend at my mansion in Monte Carlo oh Cuban that sounds incredible but I’m working a flight to Miami which leaves in 10 minutes unless my new friends Stan and Francine could
Cover for me would you yes yes my God yes then I guess that makes you a couple of naughty stewardesses I’ll see you guys later sounds good and Margie feel free to move about the Cuban the Cuban now you got it all I needed was the PIN that’s JY you just gave me Jin why would you discard a three I don’t know I guess my head’s not in it yeah clearly if I wanted to play a complete [ __ ] I’d play with clouse oh burn Steve look what’s going on Steve let’s fix your head so I
Can actually have a game here well you know that beautiful girl Jenna I’ve kind of had my eye on is this the same girl whose picture you put in your pajama bottoms before you go to bed you know about that who do you think takes your pajamas off at
Night anyway Jen is my dream girl but it doesn’t matter now because I missed my window of opportunity I had the perfect opening to make her mind but I wussed out you wussed out you’re better than that Steve do the kennedies wuss out no they find a girl they like and then they
Drown him oh I guess you’re right well look I need my gin partner back and if you’re too chicken to ask her out why don’t I do it for you what do you mean we need to surgically switch faces so I can pretend to be you and win her heart
Then we’ll switch back and she’s yours wait a minute surgically switch faces why don’t you just put on one of your costumes yeah I guess I could but I also got all these tools from my Planet my junk drawer hold on are are you are you sure about this
This seems really dangerous calm down it’s totally Safe how are you not dead is is my face off now I just got to get mine off so we can swap Oh my God the inside of your face smells so bad oh that’s just Greek yogurt I spilled some in my eye socket yesterday and then I went in the sun this is so freaky you really think this is going to work sure with your face on my face I’ll
Be dragging Jenna into the creek behind school and harvesting her organs in no time no that’s not the plan okay you should probably write down what you want me to do I hope this was a good idea clous I’m trusting Roger not to screw things up with my fantasy girl don’t worry it’ll
Be fine I’m sure Roger will be a total gentleman woman we need to talk oh hi Steve did you finish my homework yeah I did some work at home I battered my fish stick to your candid in the yearbook now get over here and put this hand in your
Back pocket facing your ass Steve I didn’t know you were so romantic your Bottom’s Warm great job guys let me know if you run out of diet ginger ale thanks an but no one’s ever run out of diet ginger ale this is so exciting I know I just told someone to turn off their phone and they did hey how’d that joker in 3C
Board with a carry on that big wait a minute isn’t that Mark Cuban’s bodyguard why is he on this flight yeah there’s something fishy about that guy I think he may have had something to do with my dad’s death you think that about everyone Denise you know he is clutching that bag awfully
Close I’m on it here let me help you sto that no the bag stays with me we have to help Stan get that bag we need to create a diversion naughty stewardess style mini pillow Fight can I sto that for you now yeah yeah whatever no what is it it’s plans to blow up the sun Stan I think that guy is touching himself to the pillow fight oh who me no I’m just thinking about the sun blowing up it’s going to be so
Right thanks for walking me home I would have walked you home but I didn’t want to I totally get it so I’ll meet you at the dance tonight yeah you will cuz this is happening you and me dare I say us be at the dance at 7 sharp I’ll be there
Around 9: what this oh oh my god oh this is so heavy I’m so into this right now so did you get her oh hey yeah yeah I got her she’s a special gal Steve great so I guess it’s time to tag me back in yeah the plans changed what what are you
Talking about I’m the one that got Jenna I should be able to take her to the dance and spend the rest of my life with her wait a minute this is my life I’m Steve yeah yeah you make a good point okay we’ll switch faces just as soon as
I fix this lamp what’s wrong with it it’s broken ah shouldn’t have hit him in the face that’s my face I’m so happy we’re together now I had no idea that there was such a cool guy under that face I’m so glad to hear you say that I want to be with you
Forever Jenna me too but I have something I need to tell you Steve I’m pregnant with Fig’s baby huh when I told him about it he just said he was late for football practice he doesn’t care at all and that really hurt hurt but now
That I know you want to be with me forever everything’s going to be all right right of course oh my god of course excuse me I’ll be right Back you wanted your life back well here you go oh and I got big news on the jren oh thank god it feels so good not to have your disgusting skin touching my face muscles anymore what’s the big news your hatred of my skin is news to me no
About Jenna you idiot what did I miss what what do I need to know nothing she’s totally into you and you should hurry back to the dance she’s waiting for you that’s amazing Roger thanks a lot wait there there might be one more thing oh yeah there is I owe
You this that was the thing run to Her I’m so nervous I can’t believe you’re not nervous nervous I’m excited to meet your parents I’ve never met the parents before I’m so glad I have you when I told you it was time to come clean to my parents about my baby you didn’t even hesitate hey if my
Baby wants to tell the world about her baby who am I to say no you’re so sweet I don’t even know what to tell my parents about figas don’t even mention him Steve’s here now I’m taking Over Mom mom dad Steve’s here oh great Welcome to our home son we’ve heard such nice things about you the pleasure is all mine halfway there still excited oh my God darling are you all right I I’m fine it’s just little morning sickness I didn’t want it to come out
Like this but we’re pregnant what what what Steve don’t play innocent now you knocked up my baby girl when I get down there I’m going to murder you don’t you move you’re pregnant oh my God he’s got me he’s taking me up the stairs what’s
At the top of the stairs oh God it’s all happening so slowly all right according to the notes scribbled on those blueprints tonight’s the night that Mark Cuban plans to blow up the Sun that that’s brilliant anyway we got to find Cuban and stop him look there’s
Margie Margie thank God you’re all right we found out that Mark cubin is trying to blow up the sun we need to stop him you know where he is yeah he’s in a study you touch her my son I break her you face the flight attendant for my
Flight some guy we we saw your bodyguards copy of your plans to blow up the Sun and we’re here to stop you what oh I see your confusion I left off an S it’s the Suns the Phoenix Suns they’re in our conference and even though they haven’t been to the playoffs
In like the last seven years I think this could be their year Well having missiles pointed at an entire NBA team is still pretty terrible you know I debated whether I should say blow up in these plans what I meant was I’m going to destabilize their franchise through
Swift and shrewd free agency moves but blow up sounds way more exciting oh but we do have an intern who’s going to deflate their basketballs before practice oh I guess that’s not a problem then because it sounds perfectly legal we don’t care if it is legal we’re
The official Airline of the Phoenix Suns so when you mess with them you mess with the naughty Stewardesses well looks like we’ve beaten and hog tied you in your own home so our estimated time of departure is right now oh Stan it was amazing this was the most exciting trip we could have taken says the girl who hasn’t been to Sacramento yet oh Stan I love you I love
You too honey and I love you Denise um what Dad you’re alive he just punched her in the face like 3 seconds ago wait a minute where’s Steve um he went to meet his girlfriend’s parents but we played Jen on Thursdays you could play with
Me oh clouse I got to take this it’s private so Stevie Jin Knight what’s the excuses you like that yeah it sounds like cute shorthand but it’s actually longer so that’s what I’ve been working on whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa yes yes I knew she was pregnant why do you think
You got her back you are apoplectic you know what you need to relax I’ll tell you what meet me at the tea house we went to that one time you know the one with those really great mugs that don’t have handles oh how are you how’s Jenna how’s
Jenna are you kidding hey hey you need to take a nice calming sip of tea and abide by the rules she’s pregnant her parents won’t help and she’s all alone I don’t know what to do well I think it’s pretty obvious what you need to do you need to
Kick this [ __ ] to the curb Pronto I can’t abandon her I got to do the right thing Steve that’s not your responsibility if it’s anybody’s it’s Fig’s that’s the thing figas doesn’t care all he cares is what his football coach says well there you go let’s go
Fix this get my gym partner back but Roger what are we going to do Steve I think it’s pretty obvious that this is one of those things I explain on the way uh coach my mom says if you want to stay over again you have to at least
Roll up your sleeping bag get in here what’s up coach figas remember how I said I didn’t want my players having sex if I wasn’t getting any well forget that get back together with your girlfriend okay Coach does that mean you’re finally getting some now it’s more that the school board heard about
My policy and apparently I’m not allowed to have it sometimes in life you got to make halftime adjustments so get back together with your girlfriend raise your baby together and well see you practice and I hope you don’t drop that baby as much as you drop the football now get out of
Here your towels bleeding coach shut up and hit the showers figas oh and don’t look behind the door on your way out okay Coach you can have your face back if you promise US two things one never say anything about this and two run 22 Flea Flicker plays in a row Friday
Night Steve I really appreciate you being there for me but figus came back and he’s better than you in every way yeah I agree come on Flea Flicker and that’s the 22nd Flea Flicker in a row Pearl Bailey is getting smoked terrible coaching I got to hand it to you Roger
Craziest prop bet I ever took that’s right Sammy now gave me my pack of LIF Savers you’re not going to be this lucky forever Roger free love in the SK flying to town put your trade tables up while these ladies go down they’ll blow you away with their crime solving chops
Connecting the dots while shots these ladies are withies they’re the naughty St coming this fall to Fox which naughty stus are you go to fox.com to find out bye have a beautiful time equipment okay okay guys and down first Blood double kill congratulations finally boah congratulation op r
First blood so guys b l double kill congratulation op round round congratulation Rive First Blood double kill congratulation finally second round look op first double kill triple kill so guys finally Victory thanks for watching resources
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