Hey YouTube what’s up welcome back to my channel this is Ashley Nicole and welcome back to this is a morning live I hope you all are doing well today today is Wednesday yeah I got my days right today is Wednesday I have a little bit
Of time so I wanted to come in and just really I titled the live a certain way um and I did the thumbnail a certain way but this is kind of going to be a random chat right um I just kind of felt like talking about something that I was
That I recently saw and heard um and so yeah so I hope Wednesday is going well for everybody this is the middle of the week so I hope you are um you’ve been kind of crushing your goals for this week making sure that you are on track track with your goals and most
Importantly uh making sure also that you put yourself first in doing all of those things and the time and energy that um you spend doing other things make sure you put that time and energy into yourself as well so I hope things have been going good this you know my channel is really
About kind of mental health awareness if you all don’t know I am a licensed therapist um and so sometimes I see things on the internet right the interwebs right or just um different things that kind of come up in my daytoday life where you know I feel
Compelled to kind of talk about them and again bring awareness regarding mental health it is so important right to help to reduce the stigma when talking about mental health the most common diagnoses as anxiety depression things of that nature I do have a private practice and
So I do you know hear these things on a daily basis and just kind of really gather a lot of different perspectives and um how people kind of deal with the symptoms regarding mental health in different ways so I also have a coaching practice in where I coach individuals on
How to navigate work stress anxiety depression in the workplace any kind of workplace toxicity you’ve been experien in um I help people with that as well but enough about me I want to I don’t knowes I’m going to pose this question I’m sure this happens to other
People but I’m not really sure why it happened in my world I’m still trying to kind of decipher that um now on I’ve said this before right I listen to YouTube I watch YouTube for entertainment the time that I do have the extra time that I do have a little
Bit of that you know I’m listening to different things right and the algorithm on all of these internet platforms be it um Instagram Tik Tok Facebook things like that right for my understanding CU I’m not like this big I’m not a tech person or anything like
That is that right you notice that when you start watching One Thing other things come up right in that kind of like in that same vein or you know uh the same theme you start to see different videos from different people regarding the same topics right but every once in a
While there might be something that come up that doesn’t have anything to do with what you’ve been watching but you realize that has something to do like with your life per se like you’ve been involved in some way and it’s kind of like this weird thing because it’s like how does the algorithm
Really know that this is a part of my life or that I’ve done this in my life or whatever it might be and so I’m wondering if this happens to other people because what I’ve noticed is that just randomly and I had never watched any of these videos or I had had
Even uh typed in anything related to it now I did do this is interesting now that I’m thinking about it and saying it out loud it might be the reason why right um the last live that I did the last two lives that I did had something
To do with Dr Bonnie Bailey right and I mentioned in my video that Dr Bonnie Bailey was in AKA and she you know she’s part of Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority and so I am as well so I mentioned that so that might have something to do with it
Now that I’m thinking about it but suffice it to say something came on my timeline um a video came on my timeline that uh I was shocked not really shocked um but I’m like okay why is this coming up here right and so I’m wondering if this has
Happened to anybody else where there there there are a lot of videos of people uh denouncing their sororities and fraternities right and so me uh being of course a therapist and analyzing things I said oh this is interesting let me listen to this video and so I’m not even gonna lie
Y’all I went down the rabbit hole of listening to these videos I’m like this is very uh it’s very interesting to say the least now for someone that is that was uh initiated right some of the things or a lot of the things that and
They are laying it all out I mean there the videos are basically there there’s this woman on YouTube she has a channel that um it seems more of like um you know um she’s a Christian and she has a channel where she invites different guests on our channel to kind of tell
Their story about denouncing um their fraternity or sority and they just basically tell their story how they got into Greek life um you know what it was like going to college how it was introduced to them you know why they decided to join things like that right
Um and I didn’t watch too many of the videos uh but the few of them I watched I one of them I came across one of the women actually went to the school that I went to and so then I really became interested right I’m like wow okay let me see what the
Conversation is going to be about you know let me hear like what she experienced and and based on what she said right she um she pledged years after I did um so her experience was probably totally different but I some of the things that they were saying were very um right that
I could attest to right um and and it’s funny how these things work where you know you are just like scrolling the interwebs internet and things like that and these things kind of pop up not that I ever had in my mind that I would do something like that but just
Having uh the awareness or information that people are doing this right and so I’m just listening I’m like wow and I’m not even gonna lie y’all some of the points that they make are very valid for me right because this is an individual thing some of the points are very
Valid um but I was just wondering like how did this even show up on my timeline right A lot of them kind of gave the or you know G gave the uh conversation or you know kind of saying the same thing kind of happened to them like oh I
Wasn’t even looking for this this just like popped up out of nowhere or maybe someone else was kind of saying these things and it just like popped up out of nowhere you know things like that right and I’m not saying that this you know it’s like my story like this is what I’m
Planning to do or anything like that um but it’s interesting how how life Works in general so fast forward to the title of my live right or when you look at the thumbnails like girl you need therapy right and so the thumbnail was just a thumbnail right but I started to think
About okay the reasons why people come to therapy or sometimes for a lot of people it might be preventative right there are a lot of people that go to therapy to prevent things from getting to a certain point it’s like okay I want to learn the skills beforehand you know because life
Sometimes is life and I need to know you know how to handle these things or how to manage these things if when they come up I mean some people will argue of course that this is a level of anxiety because I mean these are things that are
Out of your control right but when you start to see things hear things right and you know frankly as you get older you start to look at things in a different way right or maybe not look at them in a different way but being open and receptive to different perspectives about things
Right and for a lot of people this is just you kind of growing in general right as you get older you become more mature you’ve had more experience right and shoot shoot to be honest when talking to like a lot of my friends and things like that you know this this awareness
Kind of comes in your 40s at 40 baby everything changes like um I’m looking at things different I’m saying oh no I would never do that again right or no I I thought about that and this is not it you know I’m taking my life in a different
Directions like things start to really settle when it comes to like different your your thoughts right and how you what you think about things how you view things right is a little bit different um and so when you think about going to therapy again it could be preventive not
So much waiting till something happens but but therapy really kind of focuses on right how you even got to the point of where you are at right based on what your current beliefs are right even down to the type of career that you have chosen um the type of relationship that
You have decided to be in right the the friends the friendships that you have held on to or maybe not right just different decisions that you have made right kind of gaining a little bit more awareness and insight into why and how you made those decisions right and then once you’ve got
That down pack right because overall most of the time what I see and this is I’m only speaking for my practice right that um most of the time of course it it this how you feel and think about things did not start with you right it’s like you
Learned it from somewhere on how things should be you know how you should interact with people um even to how you should present yourself right it’s almost like you are going through life for a a a lot of years based on what other people have set this thing up to
Be and then once you get to a point where you’ve had you’ve had a little bit more experience right you’ve had a little bit more um Insight it’s like okay now I’m really thinking about this what how do I feel about it you know so
For a lot of people I see that um and so once you have the understanding and the insight into why and how you got here now we can start to move forward right with the coping skills right most importantly being consistent with the coping skills managing anxiety right managing the
Symptoms of um depression things like that right now you can you you it’s easier for you to handle things and for a lot of people who for the people who have experienced um uh various traumas right you are more susceptible to not being able to handle everyday
Stressors right might be a little bit of work stress you know might be the polit the the politics at work right even down to Parenting right you get over welmed very quick you get irritated quickly you know and things like that you are more susceptible to not being able to like
Bring yourself back or calm yourself down a little bit um easier right and so this is why therapy is so important so then when I think back to these videos that I am hearing right the ones that I listen to I mean I don’t know their ages but then when they
When they talk about the um the time that they that they pledge it seem like maybe they might be in uh Generation Z maybe the ones that I uh listen to right um and so for that generation their mindset and how they view things is totally different from other
Generations they do have uh uh because of the internet age right they have more awareness about things they they are quicker to get there to say you know what this don’t make no sense they quick to say like for example when they go to work babbe they could be there two
Months and they look around and said oh no that this is not working I’m working too late I got to be here how many hours oh no this manager doesn’t even know what they doing like and we’ll say something right like y’all need to change this they’ll call HR in a second
Like whatever is they feel is not working they don’t wait right or if they see okay this is out of alignment or this is like out of order for me like they don’t wait to say those things or make other people aware they are coming out and saying hey maybe y’all should
Think about this cuz this don’t sound right right so a lot of the videos about the um Deni watch may be from like I said the ones that I watch it sounds like they might be from Generation Z nevertheless I ain’t GNA lie I mean they
Had some good points they has some good points you know and especially if you are heavy in your faith right if you’re heavy in your faith then it it wouldn’t it sounds like you know it wouldn’t align with your life you know and how you view life and
What you believe in and things like that right so it was very interesting to see those and like I said I went down a r I’m like okay well let me listen to this one and let me listen to well let me see what she said I mean all of them had
Like a certain them in their um you know story um but very uh you know very corageous in doing that I mean you got to give it to him it’s not easy to to come out to say that right and to be comfortable with saying that and not
Saying I mean it sounds like it was difficult for all of them to do right and and the backlash that they received right that was interesting too hearing the comments that they got on Maybe videos that they had done or even sharing with uh you know their pre
Previous line sisters or Line brothers and things like that um that maybe they were viewed in a certain way or judged for um you know what they believe in right which is the really you know like the total opposite of what the organizations are supposed to be like I
Mean they are you know supposedly Christian organizations right it’s based on you know Sisterhood Brotherhood the Comm Community you know helping the community Thrive and things like that right and so to hear that they got backlash or were afraid to stand up for what they believe in right that’s um it
It was difficult to hear so just wondering has anyone ever experienced like something coming on your timeline you like what what’s going on where did this even come from like I never even I didn’t even know these videos exist I mean apparently a lot of them said that
I think on Tik Tok maybe you know people talk about this a lot but I’m not on Tik Tok so I I don’t even um I don’t know what goes on over there you know but um it was very very interesting I also wanted to kind of touch on um how to
Really find a therapist right for some reason right a lot a lot of uh people I always ask my uh clients like you know how did you find me things like that right and you know one of the things is that and maybe this is just
The area that I’m in um but I’m wondering if other people experienced this too that it’s difficult to find uh a black therapist um and you know some people look specifically for that um and it’s and there’s a lot of representation when it comes to that right there a lot of black therapists
And for some OD reason people say oh it was difficult to find a black therapist or it could be difficult for them to find someone that they feel like resonates with them to right but the easiest way to find a therapist is especially if you work in a a corporate
Environment fairly uh bigger companies some smaller companies too they have Employee Assistance programs right and so if you are a person who has never been in therapy wants to try it you don’t really know what the experience will be like maybe you’re a little bit hesitant but you know you
Need help with working on things right to go through your employee assistance program because they give you sessions for free some Employee Assistance programs might give you four sessions some might give you six I’ve seen some that might give you 10 to 12 and I think since 2020 some Employee Assistance programs
Have uh kind of increased that a little bit to where they’ll say okay we’ll give you six sessions for example if you have relationship um challenges we’ll give you six sessions for that but then if you have after that if you have another challenge maybe something going on in
The home or maybe there’s grief involved or something like that then we’ll give you six more sessions for this particular issue right and so this is a way for you to kind of step into it and uh you know get a little bit of experience of how it will be or how um
The structure of therapy and then after those sessions if you say you know what I want to continue this then you can use your insurance right now Insurance don’t please hi blue skies thank you for joining do not give up do not right again it depends on the area that you
Are in but you know how uh some sometimes they have ads like there are ads for uh better help there are ads for uh Alma ads for grow therapy right you just go on there especially if you’re using your insurance you just go on there or Psychology
Today you just go in there and type in like your primary concern say for example youve got workplace stress right you go on there type that in and all of the therapists in your area are going to pop up that help with workplace dress right now you might choose someone based
On their profile and you have your first session is going to be like a intake session where they’re going to ask you indepth questions about you know your history things like that right but even before that you can have a lot of therapists do consultations I do consultations as well consultations are
Like 10 minutes right where you don’t have to meet them by by by video or anything it’s just a call right they call you at a certain time that you say it’s good for you and they’ll kind of explain how what uh modalities they use if they use cognitive behavioral therapy
If they um have uh teach you mindfulness strategies things like that you kind of tell them a little bit about what you’ve been experiencing and then they can tell you oh okay yeah this you know these are uh the issues that you know I can help
You with these are the times that I’m available right you ask all the questions to see if you even want to scheduling intake session and the consultations are usually free right so I do free minute 10 uh free 10-minute consultations just to kind of see if you
Feel like okay do you think this will work for you are the times that I’m available does that work for you now what I do I can’t speak for all therapist is that once we’re on that 10 minute call and you say okay well I need
I work until 6:30 and so I need a 7:00 session right I I don’t work that L however right there are therapist in my area where we all work together right and so I might not do late uh sessions but a colleague of mine might and I know
Them I’ve worked with them before right I know the type of work that they do and things like that so then I will give you a referral to that person so that way you don’t have to go looking again you know what I mean so then it’s going to
Be quicker right I’m going to let my colleague know hey you might have someone calling they need 7 p.m. sessions perfect I’ll give you their phone number and everything right but don’t give up look at those consultations schedule now if someone doesn’t call you back within 24 hours
You have a consultation with someone else right you might even decide oh my gosh this profile is good like they deal with the workpl place stress right they can um you know I can learn deep breathing so on and so forth you might decide to go ahead and schedule a
Session right now when you schedule the intake session that first one is not really so much a therapy session at least that’s not how I do it right I’m asking you a lot of questions about like your symptoms how long your symptoms have been there right what’s the intensity of the symptoms you’re
Experiencing right as you a lot of questions about uh your history any you know medical concerns anything like that right then we started to talk about maybe what goals that you have for therapy like what do you want to accomplish um and then after that is
When we schedule the next ones but you know I I every therapist uh their sessions are structured differently so for me at the end of of my intch I don’t just automatically schedule another session you know I asked my clients you know would you would you like to
Schedule another one because you might think okay this ain’t the right one right it’s like when you go to therapy it it’s a vibe that you going to get in your in that intake right and if you don’t feel the vibe that you need to feel because see when you go to therapy
This is not a place that you have to remember the process is for you you so for my clients baby they can come and say anything they need to say they can you know say it how they want to say it right some people might not normally use
Profanity but shoot in the sessions they so upset they might have to let off F bomb it a it ain’t a thing for me it’s like you you got to get it out so just say it right I’m not here to judge you right I’m like a neutral person that’s
Listening to what you’re saying you know validating your concerns your feelings your thoughts and things like that like suffice it to say you should feel comfortable in a therapy session right you shouldn’t feel like you got to put yourself together you know put on little makeup you know you know dress yourself
I mean of course you need to you can’t come to therapy session you know without with your shirt off and stuff like that you know what I mean but you don’t have to be you know present yourself in a certain way you you just being yourself and getting some help but again the
Process is for you so if you don’t feel the vibe you’re like okay I don’t think this going to work right then you find another therapist the 99.99% of therapists are not going to feel a type of way if you say okay is not really working or even if you ghost
Them it they’re not going to feel a type of away it’s part of the process in your healing right you found someone where you okay you at least started like okay I know I need therapy let me reach out to somebody and just get the process started but then maybe after a couple
Sessions you like I’m not really feeling that or we’re not really talking about the things that we need to talk about or whatever it might be of of course you want to kind of address this with the therapist but some people AR aren’t even at that point where you’re comfortable
With doing that right so a lot of people go therapist right maybe you know it could be a whole bunch of reasons why but the therapist is not going to feel a certain way or they shouldn’t because it’s part of the process and you just find a different one that’s all and you
Keep trying until you find the one that is right for you right the it’s it’s like an Awakening right when you start to really talk about the things that you been thinking about right maybe you’ve been overthinking maybe you trying to make a decision about something right and you basically
Going through life trying to make these decisions or or thinking about things that have happened or what’s going to happen you trying to figure it out on your own when you have somebody kind there to ask you so they’re going to ask you some difficult questions right they
Might ask you things that you haven’t thought about before you’re like oh I didn’t even think about that right now you start to build an awareness about what you’ve been thinking about right and so now an Awakening happens like you know what I do need to make some changes and you
Start to hold yourself accountable for these things you’re you’re going to start to notice things and your life are going to start to change and it’s going to change for the better right for example uh people who have challenges of putting up the boundaries right just saying no to
People once they are empowered and understand like why haven’t I been able to say no it’s like you want to say no but it’s like you you just can’t do it right it’s like I can’t tell them no because xyz123 or what if they say this
Or what if they think this right once you’re in the therapy session you start to talk about these things gain insight into why is it that you can’t say no like just no full stop no period like why is that you start to think out loud
And you like girl that is why and then all of a sudden you telling no to everything you saying no to everything oh no I don’t want to hang out you know no I’m not going to be able to do it no just like simply no right now you
Are focusing on yourself instead of focusing on everybody else right now when you think about that and I’m just taking this for an example when you think about that it’s like why would you and it don’t have to be deep but it is deep right why are you putting others
Before yourself because you know sometimes when we have a lot of things going on it could be stress at home it could be stress at work it could be past trauma you know you got a relationship issue you got financial problems whatever it might be it’s easier to
Focus on everybody else than to focus on what’s happening with you right it’s like okay you you can avoid all these things happening with you because you trying to help everybody else so so it’s like you putting yourself on the back burner it’s like oh no I ain’t got to
Deal with that today CU such and such asked me to do this or no I don’t have to do that today because I got to cook for my husband he really want you know what whatever whatever no I I I’mma do that tomorrow all the things that are
Happening with you I’m going to get some rest tomorrow because I I got to clean CLE up the house today or whatever it might be right but the more and more you put yourself on the back burner right you are putting yourself last and that’s not a healthy place to be because
Everybody has heard this even though you may not apply it in your everyday life is that if you are are not okay and you cannot take care of yourself you cannot take care of anybody else whether that be kids your husband your mom other people in your family being productive
At work right even down to you if you’re involved in things that you’re interested in right it’s like you cannot even do those things because you have not taken care of yourself for some people if if it’s like the foundation if you have not taken care of yourself
Or or let me take it back when you have or start to take care of yourself a whole lot of stuff will get better right it’s like okay if you know I take just a little bit of time to get some rest you know uh maybe you’ve been tired L lately
Getting a little bit of rest even if you are going to get your you know your your nails done or doing your nails yourself or taking time to read a few pages of a book right taking time to do your affirmations in the evening or whenever
You you know do them pouring back into yourself now when you do other things when you decide to help people not that you have to right when you decide to say yes to something you’re not going to think about what do now I don’t have
Time to do this or you’re not going to be as irrit irated you’re not going to be annoyed right things don’t get on your nerve as easily you know what I mean so putting yourself first will help a lot of things it’s very important and people what I find is that people know
This people know this right but it is easier said than done when you going about the day just busy you know there’s never enough time in the day you know it’s so many things that you have to touch and do um based on you know just life responsibilities that it’s like you
Know this but you just never seem to find the time to do it right but like like everybody says right this is a new year you have got to make time and and you make time for what you want to make time for right it’s a lot of whyde
Questions that you have to ask yourself right like even for that why wouldn’t you make time for yourself like even when you just say that out loud to yourself it’s like wow you are neglecting yourself why would you do that right and this could be people that
Tell other people this right and I’ll be honest I have to remind myself of that too like girl you are running around trying to do xyz2 3 and ABC right you got to slow down a little bit you got to slow down right okay you might have to say no a
Few more times this week you know you you might the the big project that you had in mind you you might have to like put it on hold for a few days cuz you got to get a little bit more rest you you need some sleep right this is where
In therapy the awareness comes in right you start to learn yourself a little bit more it’s like you know what I really don’t like that you know I really I noticed that when I do have a lot of my plate that’s when I start to become irritable right you start to again gain
Awareness gain a little bit of insight into you and therapy is one thing that you can do for yourself right these things are very important y’all probably can tell that this is like this is like my gy I absolutely I love being a therapist I do
I do you know I’m not going to lie sometimes it’s heavy you know because people are people deal with some real stuff you know it’s it’s it’s some days where my the majority of my workday is just hearing uh terrible things you know this is where I have gained
Awareness and insight into to myself right and you know every every I’m not going to say good but every therapist should have had therapy at some point in their life you know what I mean um number one just to know what the experience is like for our clients um
Also for preventative purposes right and also to manage the feelings that we get from hearing all of the things that we hear about right um especially if you’ve been a therapist for a long time I mean these things the story stick with you you know what I mean some of the things
You can’t even imagine but having the awareness for myself that I have to pour back into myself on those days you know you know this is very very important um so I I do make note of that and make time for my myself especially on those days where it’s just been it’s
Been a lot right um but yes if you are looking for a therapist you’ve been searching for one right you don’t know where to turn right start with your employee assistance program they’re going to give you those first few sessions for free it’s like you no charge at all to you
Right and then after that if you want to continue with that therapy then you can use your insurance now insurance is tricky nowadays right where it depends on like the big insurance companies right you still know of like United at what else they got Blue Cross Blue Shield
Um what is another one those might be like the main ones but but but these big plans have sub planned so so you might have a specific insurance that’s C something but it’s under oh and Signa is another big one but it’s under the umbrella of signal or
You know what I mean but it’s called something different right but it depends on your plan what you might have to pay for therapy right so if for example if you have like because a lot a lot of people get confused I find I don’t know about other therapist I’m sure they have
This experience too A lot of people get confused about the insurance and how it works right so it it depends on the plan so if you have a deductible depending on if you have mental health benefits right right if you have a deductible you have to meet the deductible first before your
Plan kicks in so you might have to pay the full price of the session right and once you meet the deductible that’s when your plan will kick in and pay 100% or pay 30% or whatever or 20% whatever your plan States right so if you are cuz some people will get
Surprised like oh I still had to pay I use my insurance but I still had to pay yeah you might be responsible still for a portion of the cost so it’s important if you don’t really know what it will be to call your insurance company before to
Say hey what are my what are the benefits that I have for mental health what would I be paying for a session right and they’ll let you know now if you don’t do that and you sign up on one of the sites that come across some these
Ads like grow they got Alma it’s a whole lot of them depending on what You’ been looking on in the algorithm it’s Pro you didn’t seen the attitude probably right once if you sign up and you know you don’t call your insurance company they might give you a
Range of what you have to pay so they might say oh you might pay in between 30 and $140 or something like that so you’re still not going to know the exact amount but this is telling you that you have to pay something but to know that exact
Amount you got to call your insurance company because we don’t know you know we don’t know what is going to be um based on your plan right but again after those employee assistance um program after the free sessions you can use your insurance or you can pay
Out of pocket now what I and then I’mma let y’all go because then I got to go but the last thing that I would say is that right you can sometimes no all always you can opt out of using your insurance insurance if you want because see insurance has a lot of
Parameters too you know there are a certain amount of sessions you might need you know um they want to see certain things for certain diagnosis like you have to have a diagnosis to build insurance right those types of things if you don’t want any of that you can pay out of pocket
Right now you are able to control the amount of times you see your therapist right you might feel like okay I’m doing good I I only want to see them once a month if you pay out the pocket you could do that like for like a checking
You could do that right the the structure of therapy the frequency of it looks can look how you want it to look when you are paying out of pocket right it’s it’s a more slight advantage of that right you might even find a therapist who does coner service where they are available
When you need them now you going to pay you know what I’m saying you’re going to pay the you’re going to pay a little bit more for that because it’s coner right but when you need somebody they’re going to be there now if you using Insurance
You can’t do that you know what I mean and what we know about life is that anything can happen at any time right things are out of our control but you got somebody on that to talk to you to like work you through whatever is occurring whether it’s mild or severe so
You keep that in mind as well but do not give up there are plenty of therapists out here that are ready to help you right so if you all have any other questions about anything about therapy in general right um questions about you know coaching if you need a coach right
Feel free to reach out to me um I hope this was helpful for you all and I want y’all to tell me in the comments so if y’all been seeing these Greek videos cuz I’m interested I’m get I I last night it was It was kind of
Late but I’m like let me reach out to my LS and see girl if she didn’t seen these videos because this is very this is very interesting um but yes so let me know what y’all been seeing on that algorithm um but again I hope this was helpful um anytime I have
You know a little bit of free time in between my sessions of course um I am planning to come to talk about something right um this is part of my plan to again be consistent with YouTube and to get information out there that I feel is important as you know being a therapist
Um I hope the rest of your day goes amazing and I will see you all on the next one bye
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