Hey Hey Y Hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of the male perspective I’m your host Lana Reed and today today I am so blessed so humbled I have another opportunity to speak to a wonderful and amazing brother of alpha F Alpha Fraternity Incorporated uh I have the president of
Beta Delta Lambda out in Daytona Dr Chester Wilson um and we’re going to get into uh the wonderful work that he is doing outside of the fraternity which just shows just how amazing these brothers are not only do they work do the work in the fraternity but they do it outside in
Their business personal life and everything we’re just we’re just going to just talk about how amazing he is but first and foremost as I always do I take a quick moment to pause say thank you to you for making time for me today time is
A gift once we give it we can’t get it back so Dr Wilson I truly appreciate you making time to sit down and chat with me and with that sir welcome welcome to the show thank you thank you for having me I really appreciate it I appreciate you so
What I want you to do is sit there and be humble for a minute I’m going to just run down some of the awesome and amazing uh that you are and then I’m going to start to be pesky and ask you some questions but but first and foremost I
Want I want to share with everybody how amazing you are and I pulled this from your website and everybody this is just part of the resume this is just part of the resume here so Dr Wilson is a licensed private security security officer and instructor licensed private investigator certified addictions professional International certified
Drug and alcohol counselor certified CPR AED and first aid instructor certified Florida Supreme Court Family mediator and primary trainer certified Florida Supreme Court County mediator and primary trainer oh wow certified Florida Court serg mediator and assistant trainer certified notary public certified healthc care risk manager certif cied mental health professional
Certified moral recognation therapist certified hip HIV hepatitis tester and educator certified in diversity equity and inclusion and it goes on and on and on if I had one of those uh Tech thing that were the hand claps what I would do it right now but I ain’t got my
Technology up to par yet but Kudos and claps and all of that and in addition sir you are a father and a husband of how many years uh 23 and and two kids awesome amazing amazing amazing amazing well as I read off just part of the
Resume sir um it’s very clear that uh your plate is full yes okay is true and um as we start today um I’ve had some conversations over the course of my life and I’m pretty sure you have too where we run into people who say things like um you
Know would go back to school but you know my schedule you know my work schedule is this or I would start this business but you know I gota wait until you know this gets right um you know since you’ve managed to accomplish so much what do you say to people who just
Can’t seem to get out the gate when it comes to achieving these things that they say they want to achieve I always start first by telling people to use what’s in your hand if you use what’s in your hand then it won’t come hard to you
All of us have these inate gifts that we have and it’s up to us in whether we use those or whether we squander those when it comes to actually doing it uh often times people say well it seems like you do the most or you’re always doing something uh I oftentimes tell people
That time is going to be spent doing something it’s just a matter of what you actually choose to do with that time uh I have the opportunity um probably you know in addition to all the other stuff that you said U which just website um I spend my time running two
Businesses I have a healthcare facility and then I also have the training facility and I tell people like this I’m going to make it my business to learn and do something every year in fact I coin myself as a life learner so that’s why you see all of that stuff is that
I’m going to try to do something to one up myself every year a and the way that I look at it is I’m going to turn one year older anyway so I might as well do something or achieve something with that 365 days as opposed to allowing that 365
Days to come and then I’m sitting in the same place I was when you found me last year amen amen awesome I love it yeah because so many people just struggle to kind of take that first step and get out the gate and I guess some of it might be
Fear but you know I think when we have examples like Dr Wilson you know it might give us the push that we need um I want to uh because I do have short amount of time I want to start talking about uh your consulting firm CW consulting firm and some of the work
That you do there uh one of the things that you do as I mentioned in the opening is the the U licensed armed security officer training right and if I read correctly you are also in addition to that you’re in the education environment you’re in a classroom some
Or you have been I I taught uh college for 14 years and now I’m teaching as an adjunct sometimes so criminal justice okay all right okay okay so I got some conversation today um so I I want to kind of kind of piece those two together
Real quick and talk about an issue that we have going on currently in society and this issue of um safe gun control which you teach with the the um security officer training and um this issue of the more the increased prevalence of guns in our our educational environments
I just recently uh about a month ago we saw where the six-year-old got his mother’s gun in Virginia and brought it to school and shot the teacher um I don’t know if you have any thoughts or like because I I guess we’re all kind of confused as how we got here but you
Know how do we start this process of making School settings not only um safe uh for the individ but psychologically safe for students and teachers and school support staff because you know I’m maybe I’m wrong but I think a a kindergarten shouldn’t have to worry while they’re trying to learn their ABCs
And colors they shouldn’t have to worry about whether or not they’re going to get shot that day so I where do we take a left turn do you have it well you know here’s how I look at it if you think about it the time at least when I went
To school the the fun part that we had was going to school and preparing for a hurricane drill or some other get on desk yeah some kind of you know Mother Nature drill that would caused us to prepare and now we’re talking about elementary school kids who are preparing
For active shooter drill something has to be wrong with that in our society where we have to condition our children our babies in elementary school to respond to an active shooter and what we choose to do as adults and I I I did a podcast segment where I said this on my
Podcast is we choose to argue about you know the merits of it and and whether the gun uh was warranted or whether the person has the right to have a gun we choose to argue about that while our babies are continually dying so what is showing our children is is that our
Parents can’t get this right our parents cannot make decisions in terms of what’s in our best interest instead they choose to argue about it meanwhile another school is getting shot up again um the reality is is that you’re talking about a six-year-old with a gun you know as a as a mental health
Professional as a behavior health professional um one of the questions that we ask ourselves is um what drove a six-year-old to get a gun and then the access to that gun you know generally when you talk about sixth grade being in kindergarten and going to first grade
We’re so in love with our teacher we’re looking for treasure box we’re looking for little toys we’re looking for nap time all of these things where a six-year-old generally is usually in love with their their teacher you know U my teacher said my teacher did this but now we’re talking about a six-year-old
Who had access to a gun and was mad enough if you think about this something must have transpired earlier where he was mad enough to go home and get that gun but stay mad enough to bring that gun to school the following day something has to be has to be
Fundamentally wrong there um and then for a six-year-old to think about so that says that something had to be going on in the house because for a six year-old to think about that I’m mad with my teacher if that was the case I don’t know but if a six-year-old’s
Thinking I’m mad with my teacher their first recourse is to go get a gun something we’re doing wrong with rearing our kids yes you know and we’re finding ourselves in this situation where it’s not safe I was in a college classroom for 14 years and still continue to teach
As an adjunct today and it’s a shame when we have to lock our classroom door or we get a look of fear when someone walks in our classroom who is not supposed to be there or unknown or unfamiliar to us so even to the student they cannot be a regular student on
College campus and wander in the wrong classroom without us having a reaction thinking that um we may be getting ready to be shot at any at any point in time or that I don’t feel safe enough to watch walk the grounds of the college campus think about when we were in
School on in college the quad was the life walking through the campus was the life life now we can’t do that we can’t go to a school event without thinking about getting shot up we can’t even go to Walmart without even thinking about getting shot and so we’re find ourselves
In this position while people are arguing and often times the people that are arguing are people who are not living in our communities or living in our streets we don’t have access to those people we have to get through Gates and other stuff to get access to
Those people but they are allowing us who live here and do these things every day to be shot up and their only thing is that they can argue about the resolution instead of providing one that’s true and you know building on on something you said you know the kids are
Watching the parents the adults bicker about this concept and I’m thinking the mental images you don’t even care enough about me as a child your child your children to say I’m G to take this definite step for your safety your overall wellbeing I mean that that subliminal message has to be speaking
Vols to the children I mean it’s just just so heart-wrenching so heart-wrenching right we we have people who are making decisions for us who probably won’t even be around in the next 10 or 20 years but they’re telling us they know what’s best for us you know times change Generations change you know
We’re not the same kids that our parents were when they were our age you know so things change but we’re not including the people who are actually living the life we’re just saying that we know what’s best for people which is one of the most dangerous things that we talk
About anyway when you know what’s best for somebody instead of including them and and you’re not living in the world that they have to live in dayto day you don’t have to get into you know I I did some um work years ago with uh some kids
In the projects in LA and they say they are suffering PTSD levels that officers in Afghanistan and Iraq and and these people that are sitting behind these gated areas can’t even comprehend that kind of mentality that these children have to live in so you know that’s good points good points now
I want to move on because I have short time here but um kind of building on that I saw on your uh your social media in stagram I think it was as I was being nov to getting ready for today I saw you um giving a uh seminar or workshop for
Law enforcement a div diversity equity and inclusion uh Workshop right so kind of filtering into what we were talking about there is uh Still A continuing problem issue where especially in communities of color uh our interactions with law enforcement don’t uh often end well um and tend to be very deadly and
It’s it’s a problem that we just kind of we continue to Circle back around over and over and over again and understandably everybody knows oh I hope everybody knows there’s no quick fix to the problem but because because you’re in it you’re you’re working in it on
Both sides um you know is the the the major default in the hiring process in the training process or the community is it something that we need to be doing where where where do we kind of get in here and double dutch in here and start
To kind of pick this thing apart because it it has to stop it has to stop right right and and and first of all I’m a father first of all I’m a black man and secondly I’m a father of a young black boy who’s now a man so um I get it from
You know from both sides you know um I’ve been uh targeted of driving while black eating while black walking while black looking while black shopping while black I you know I’ve lived that life um and and certainly you know even having a young black son um who’s out there now
You know you would think that you would have that time where you are so excited that your 16y old son is driving but you’re excited for him but you’re terrified at the same time What could happen the reality is is that I’ve been fortunate enough to teach in the Law
Enforcement Academy currently I I get to teach some of the civilian portions of the blushia county um Sheriff’s Law Enforcement Academy um I’ve done training with the Daytona law enforcement so I’ve had an opportunity to have my hands in it and I know a lot of people don’t have that um you know
That angle of it so what I find is is that you know um prior to getting into it I knew that we had a systemically broke system you know whereby um we had these issues and we see it all highlighted in the media and we have these personal experiences I thought
That I can do one or two things I thought that either I can get out there and yell and scream about what’s going on or I can position myself to make the most change um and when I uh what ended up happening was the sheriff uh the sheriff here
Um started his own Academy he took it out of the college and so he started his own Academy and what he said was he was shopping for um individuals who would be impactful and making sure his officers were adequately trained before they were out on the streets and um I can remember
Um I was asked about the possibility of teaching for it and so I actually submitted for it and sitting down with the sheriff and his team and he told me um what I’m looking for you to do is not just teach a standard cookie cut
Curriculum but what I want you to do is develop something where when my officers get out of there they know that they can keep themselves out of trouble and that they will make the right decisions based on the training that they receive and so I get to go in and teach mental health
And substance use for law enforcement officers diversity equity and inclusion and um one of the things that I tell the offices is don’t become the next national media story and we go through a lot of um incidents where um officers end up becoming the next national media
Story so I found myself in a position where um I didn’t like what happened to me as a black male with my encounter with with a police officer uh so I position myself where I can make the most impact which means that every officer that comes through there has to
Come through my class where I get to have a one-on-one put a face with it and and here’s one of the things that I like to say a lot about diversity Equity inclusion a lot of people like to go in there and just stuff you know things
Down your throat all of these things that happens what I found is that there’s a there’s a lady who was in my church who said taste the words that come out of your mouth before you spit them out and what I take from that is is that I try to deliver the
Material with Fidelity as best I can where they can receive it that it doesn’t turn into an argument it doesn’t turn into a dispute but that we can have a conversation about it so that you really understand the impact of the decision making that not only will um rest with that
Individual you come in contact with but what that would do for you and your family as well because at the end of the day we have a systemic issue that’s going on no one can no one can argue that but then the other side to that is
Is that based on your decisions Mr Officer you also tear up a family over here which is your family and so I think that we have to continually start at the top um where we have to continue training we have to continue making it um uh uh part of the
Infrastructure of training where officers receive it they understand it and that when they get out there they’re cognizant of the decisions that they’re making and understand that when you come in contact with this black male they are inherently fearful for a reason so how you handle that is very important
Because if not your life is going it’s not like you get to walk away from it your life is going to be impacted by that as well as the person that um that that’s involved in it awesome well let me let me ask uh this I I just never
Thought about this before in your training of the officers that you’ve come in contact with prior to the academy uh had they had much interaction contact with communities of color or is the whole Dynamic new for the majority of them well some some have some have and and
From my experience of talking to them some have come in contact okay um and and some have only come in contact through the course of the job U and for some especially younger officers they may have never had that contact uh and so you know this is a new experience for
Some people in terms of how people not only perceive Law Enforcement Officers but how it makes you check yourself as an individual because we have inherent biases based on how we were raised you know and so we walk into a job with those preconceived notions about how
Things ought to be or how they are or or how they were and we make decisions based off of that so it is vital that we check ourselves to ensure that when we get out there we treat every person with dignity and respect dignity and respect
Yeah I had uh talked to a young who just took off running and the officers were like why did you take off he said that’s all I know I mean it’s just it just it just instinctive in me yeah fight or F I didn’t I didn’t do
Anything wrong but it was just my instinct to run because I saw you and and law enforcement sometimes doesn’t understand that but you know it’s just it’s just decades and Decades of weight that we’re carrying that you know you know it’s good that you have it I had a
Student who actually came to me after um after that he was in a restaurant ordering food and uh officers came in and he started having a panic attack and he just took off running knocking over stuff and of course they ran after him because they thought something was going
On yeah and and it turned out to be a terrible situation luckily he didn’t lose his life um but it was his reaction to seeing police officers given his experience with them and he just couldn’t find himself in the same room yeah you know I I always say this I and
I’m I’m like a broken record but people don’t really understand the widespread mental health the black community needs in just our everyday just to wake up and get out the front door and get back home some of the things that we deal with that we really need therapy for you know
Because that shouldn’t be your trigger to see law enforcement protect and serve and like I gotta I gotta go run I gotta take off you know but yeah well what happens in this case is and I I share this because I have students you know as
I said I talk criminal justice so I have a large number of students who went on to be law enforcement officers and one of the things that I often times share with them is is that we’re going to give you power the the state is going to give
You power the world is GNA give you power but the reality is is that most times there’s nobody there to teach you about how to use that power so we’re going to give you a gun we’re going to give you a car and we’re going to give
You a badge which is the ultimate sign of power within our community we cannot be doing anything wrong and when we see a police officer we automatically slam on brakes because because of the power and the Authority that they have they get to walk around with guns power and
Authority they have the power to arrest us to detain us power and authority so we’re going to give you that power and authority but we’re not going to teach you how to use that and so when they walk out of my class it is very important that they understand that
You’re going to get this power but if you do not know how to use it that same power could one day be used against you that part that part good and you you hit on therapy and as you know I have a Behavioral Health Organization so um my behavior health organization
Unfortunately this is what we see we have one right in our community but we are still yet reluctant to get therapy because um we perceive it as bad we go to Grandma and Grandpa we go to our pastor um it’s still taboo even in 2023 we still have where people are
Afraid to get therapy one of the signature trainings that I do within my um uh organization is mental health and African-American Community because it is important for me to help them to understand that it’s okay to ask for help and it’s also okay to accept help
Yeah yeah you know we have this stigma and then you know a lot of the black community is so strongly rooted in the church and sometimes we struggle with how to balance that out uh you know Christian folks don’t like to go to therapy and you know they say it’s wrong
But you know you can combine and pack the two together and you know and it’s just a struggle that we’re but we’re we’re coming in 2023 more more and more black folks are becoming more open to mental health and seeking Services they’re understanding that Grandma’s
Table and a slice of Pound Cake is not really cutting it well if you think about this we go to church we have our pastor but if we had cancer we’d go to the doctor right it’s no different than getting a therapist if you can still
Have Jesus and a doctor for cancer you can still have Jesus and a therapist that’s right that is right you need somebody trained to to help you pick because we have generational stuff that we just really need to unpack and and that takes professional training that takes some profession let me let me
Build on something real quick uh because I do want to make sure I get this in and I’m gonna sidebar but then I’m G swing back that’s okay so as as I was looking at one of the videos um I saw that you mentioned that your start you grew up in public
Housing right did I read that correctly okay and I always like to um um take a moment to glean and and pick the brains of people that I see that have this start but take it to the next level take it to the next level and just you know achieve achieve achieve because
Sometimes we don’t always see that and I always like to ask what was it for you because my hope is that we find the magic potion and put it in a bottle and we’re able to plast this out at the barbecue while we’re doing Electric Slide because I want to see it more
Often right right what is it for you that allowed you to do that um because sometimes we do see Generations after Generations people staying stuck in the same place so how did you do it well I knew that I wanted more and I knew that in the environment I was in I would
Never be able to reach and to get more my mom was a CNA my dad was a garbage truck driver and they raised six kids and did a darn good job raising six kids but as I grew I realized that my desire for more and it wasn’t just money and
Wealth but it was that I wanted to have a better quality of life um uh not being raised in the Hood um that growing up in the environment in which I was in I wanted better I wanted access to better um I wanted to be around people who
Quote unquote made it and so there was a there was an intrinsic motivation an intrinsic Drive desire to want more for myself and I don’t know why God chose me but I’m just grateful that he did that he put a a a burning seed in me to want to do more
Want to be more and it wasn’t even just about elevating myself it was about being able to be a resource to other people and God did just that for me where he allowed me to be a resource I oftentimes tell my wife uh I can be the
Person that needs but yet God allowed me to be the person that people come to to to seek advice and ask for things so I don’t take that lightly in in in any form however I do know that the goals that I have for my life um they’re far
Beyond just materialistic things I want to get everything that God has for me I want to be able to be a blessing to other people I want to be able to give back to my community I want to be able to give my children the best life
Possible I want to be the best husband to my wife um so there are so much of me that I want to give so that I can die empty I want to give it all out before I lay down and die I don’t want to take
Anything back with me I don’t want to squander anything I don’t want to reserve anything I really want to give it all out in this one life that I’ve been given and in order to do that I had to go beyond that hood that I that I
Grew up in which caused me to leave some people behind make some hard decisions but here’s the thing I didn’t forget those people I often times go back and say hey here’s some trainings that I’m providing here’s an opportunity for you to get yourself up and get yourself
Together so for me it was I went out and learned and got these things but God also allowed me to be a resource so that I can go back and reach for my brother and sister and bring them up awesome awesome and and in there I heard you
Know that that key element you have to want it you just something deep inside you just have to you have to want it and I guess that’s the first key there to get that push and that Propel going yeah I I like I said I always like
To ask because I’m just hoping that we find the magic potion you know because uh everybody has it in them like you said we’re supposed to leave here empty and some of us don’t do that you know the um my pastor says the the graveyard is the uh the place of the biggest
Portion of talent so you know and I don’t want to find mine there and I want to be able to give it out so I really don’t want to find it there there you go well let me Circle back to to CW Consulting let me Circle back because I
Want to get it all in as much as I can so one of the things you offer at CW Consulting is mediation services and you are a husband of over two decades now right yes married by high school sweetheart awesome just like my parents um but I’m pretty sure in the mediation
Services you’ve seen a variety of things and in your in your in your 20 years you’ve seen a you’ve seen a variety of things okay so um with that experience and knowledge what would you say to a couple before it gets to mediation what what suggestions or advice would you you tell
Them as a husband of 20 years and as a mediator what would you advice would you give them before we take this step and go down to this courthouse and file these papers I always ask people and I and actually I I teach these principles in my mediation training especially when it
Comes to family is figure out what do you want okay if this marriage is worth fighting for use everything within you but also understand what mediation is because mediation is not just used at the end of the marriage it’s also used in the marriage and is it important to you to
Win because if it’s important to you to win you’ve lost your marriage yeah you know a lot of things that my wife and I have discussions about or even agreements about um she never know whether I did it agreed with it or whatever or not because it’s not about
The wind to me it’s I think about it is what do I need to get past this situation and not just sweeping it under rug but is it important enough to spend our time arguing about something that’s insignificant that we won’t remember two years from now true or can we just get
To the point of it you know a little self-disclosure I said to my wife before what is it that you want just tell me what it is that you need because arguing about it whatever I did or whatever I said obviously it’s not going to change so what do we need to do
To move forward get past this point and that’s what it becomes you know you’re gonna lose something in mediation and I’d rather us lose it as we are working to build and when I say lose it I use that Loosely and that is
Just that I may not have my way I mean I get what I want in this situation so how do I continue to move forward because immediate here’s the thing you’re going to come to the table and you’re going to say my marriage is dissolving we’re
Going to try to get you to a position where you feel good at least walking away but if you cannot come to an agreement there’s a judge that’s sitting on the bench who’s going to make the decision of what they believe is in your best interest so what your marriage has
Been reduced to is a stranger telling you how to separate your life that’s more insulting to me than us breaking up yeah that some stranger had to come tell me how to separate my life so I would like to encourage couples that sit down and figure out what it is
That you really want and also let some weeds grow between the argument it’s okay to say I’m not prepared to discuss that right now right now give me a moment give me a moment just hey give me some time and to I can intelligently have this conversation without us
Getting into an argument about it feelings are real they are real people get in their feelings and they say things because it’s that that need to win that need to argue and and it’s just like in communication when people are arguing most times they’re arguing um to
Get their point across and they’re only listening in order to respond and say what they to one up you but nobody’s really listening to understand each other because if you’re listening to understand each other then you would understand that a person is saying I understand that you’re asking for that
But that’s not what I can give I don’t know how to give that so your need to belittle me is belittling me because I don’t know how to do something I don’t know how to give that and we might not even get to that point of mediation if
We you know pra listening to understand you know it’s just it’s so amazing to me um how these situations become so toxic and I’m like you guys were so in love like two years ago why are we like to the point where you’re trying to slash
Each other’s tires how do we how do we get here it’s just always so to me but you know it’s that emotion and you’re not listening you’re not you’re just you’re just not listening so right no no ability to be able to resolve your problems and and for me most mediations
Here’s the crazy thing most mediations are done two and a half to three hours so your entire life is wrapped up to dissolving in two and a half to three hours wow because I’m not talking about all of your arguing of going back and forth before you make it there running
To the courthouse having meetings and that I’m talking about actually sitting in the room to dissolve your marriage and whoever thought that I would be a person who would be signing a a document that goes to the judge that says that this couple has agreed to dissolve their
Marriage and my name is sitting on it today I was doing a mediation for the Valia County Courthouse for a child custody issue which we call time sharing and as they’re talking I’m like why does this this case sounds so familiar to me and I as they were talking I went back
In my files and I said oh my God I was the mediator for dissolving their marriage and now they’re back fighting over the kids it just don’t stop it just don’t stop it doesn’t nobody no one’s learned from it and what what that shows is is that my parents couldn’t stay
Together and now they can’t even come together to do what’s in our best interest in fighting over us for the kids and and here’s the reality let me let me sidebar for a minute you didn’t have those kids by yourself and one day you’re gonna be tired of those little
Kids so while I’m trying to keep them away from you listen I’m gonna take all the help that I can get because my kids have been in the house with me since day one I have raised them they have never they’ve they’ve never been somewhere
Else and guess what the reality is I get exhausted I get tired it’s tired so it takes my wife and I both of us to raise yeah and then you and now we have spouses talking about you can’t see my kids listen the day is going to come you take
These you take these for the weekend you’re going to wish you need you going to wish somebody was listen and and and you know what intrigues me about it is when people say uh they can’t raise my kids they’re not responsible but yall been married and you were living in the
House together he was raising the kidsway that was responsible when y’all were together so today he’s not qualified to raise them are you kidding me really think about what you saying think about what you’re saying which means that you should be qualified to raise them because you made a bad
Decision and who who you who you co-parent it with thank you thank you I it reminds me of a a social media post and I I I love my my folks sometimes I just have to shake my head but what she was saying I wish I wish you could
Choose your baby daddy and I was like well uh um How do I how do I respond that’s why you say you know what I’m not even gonna respond to this because you know what if you just think if this is the way that you think this is what’s wrong with our country
That’s why you had the problems you what bab this my poab my anyway it has been interesting I’ve seen so many cases what yeah I was talking with a judge before I left and I was just like I mean the cases are so bizarre are because you’re
Like maybe it’s me it’s not them it’s it’s something wrong with me it’s me you know and they get so you know nitpicky about you know well that that container of milk is mine I’m like really like listen in a divorce settlement I was agreement that I was writing up um you
Know one wife said I needed the white pot set you know or the white sofa the husband said Well if you get the white pot set I get the blue pot set I’ve seen so much and oh the record the antique records that was one because they used
To go to the um thrift store shopping for antique records and they held up my mediation over those darn records but it gets so petty in that room petty petty for two people who just were so in love I just and most of it is just probably junp just you know just
Ego and you know yeah but anyways let me ask you this then building on that as a husband as a mediator and all of that stuff if you had a young man sitting in front of you who’s about to embark on marriage what personal work would you suggest you know
What place of mind would he be in in this journey of being somebody’s partner being somebody’s husband what would you kind of say look have this together first before you even think about this to me it starts with a mindset I got married at I got married married right
After high school a year after high school you know I was 20 years old when I got married okay and um 23 years later I think it starts with the mindset do you want this and are you prepared for everything that comes with this because
It’s no more just you and I and for my wife and I we had to learn a lot of that together because we made a decision to get married early on so you know we’ve supported each other through the death of grandparents um the 20-year-old that I
Was when I got married is not 43 year old Chester today okay um I’ve changed my interests have changed what I like has changed I don’t even eat the same Foods anymore that I ate when we first got married so talk about my wife trying to cook and my taste buds are changing
Even as much as yesterday I was like I don’t even like that anymore you know so you know I I can remember the day I came to myself and I was like somebody was trying to give me spaghetti and I was like please don’t what ever you do and
Then I realized I don’t even really like red pasta anymore so you know red sauce you know I so 20 year old Chester is very different from 43 year old Chester and so you’ve got to really know yourself and you’ve gota I I would tell that young person when you understand
Yourself and understand that you will go through a development phase then you would be cogntive cognitive and sensitive to your spouse going through that development phase you will grow together you would be able to have conversations about it you know just like I I’ve said to my wife before if
You’re expecting me to do what that person does that’s not me this is who I am you know so um either we can learn to live with this I can try to do better but innately I’m not going to try to be somebody else that I’m not you know so
Having those conversations with a young person to really get them to understand the magnitude of what they’re walking into it’s no more I when you walk into this because now your responsible for another person and if you have children now you’re responsible for other people so it is important to understand that as
You matriculate into a married life you are changing the I for we all day long even if you want that sports car what’s in the best interest of the family at this time it may not be time to get that right now even if I didn’t like my job
Because I got people depending on me I got to get up and go to work every day until I get a better job I can’t just leave and figure it out so the selfish the the decision making I find is really at the core of every marriage it is in
How a person thinks because and how they think that’s how they’ll behave and what they’ll do go go true and you know I I think a lot of these younger folks I see they don’t understand that people are constantly growing constantly changing so this person that you get now is not
Going to be this person that you seen in three years and and then they want to be happy all the time and you know like marriage is like you look at you look at your spouse some days be like you know what okay I I give it I love you but you
Know what I don’t really like you right now and we have to push through this you know but you know I I don’t know what you some days I just yeah some days I just want to come home and lay on the sofa I don’t really want to talk I don’t
Really want you know that that’s those true moments some days I just want to be left alone that’s those true and transparent moments and here’s another thing that I tell people especially when you’re talking about relationships who I am now who I was then is not who I am
Now but also the person who you started dating is not the person who you marri the person who you started dating is not even the person who you break up with definitely the person who you marry is not the person who you divorce so we all
Go through all of these changes it is how we navigate those changes and how we communicate with each other when we are experiencing those changes yeah true true now that kind of Builds on something I heard you talk about um because you have your own podcast I
Think I heard you mentioned it earlier but um you were talking about one of the uh uh things and I was like yes because I hear these people saying it today and I think it’s so dysfunctional uh about people kind of are um you know it’s just
Me a team of one and I don’t need nobody and I got this and and you were talking about that and I’m like well we we’re not even as human beings we’re not even designed to walk through this world solo and and and you know I I just I if I could get
You to speak to that one more time because I was like yes somebody else I’m not Al oh my God and the reality is I don’t know where people get that from the reality is you’re going to need someone yes and and for all these people that claim to be Christians the Bible
Speaks of friends it talks about friends all the time two or more gathered and a friend that sticks closer than a brother those who want friends must show themselves friendly there’s so many references to friends and I don’t know and and then this this statement that my
People picked up on when it say I keep my circle so small you know they can fit on a short bus and all of that listen who came up with this dumb stuff and thought that they were saying something prolific the reality is is if you keep your circle small that’s why
Some of you all are still in the same position you read thank you thank you you know if Jesus looked at me and saw me as a wretch undone and still called me friend you mean to tell me I can’t exhibit that to someone else there you
Go there you go and so we get into this thing where people say I keep my circle small and and what I say to that is you keep your circle small because those two people you have in your circle they could become unavailable and then who
Are you going to call thank you I try to cast my net as wide as I can it doesn’t mean that I have to you in the bosom of my heart but my job is to create a friendly environment to make you feel like a person so that when I call you
You will feel good about responding to me based on our interactions based on our relationship but those two people who I call my ride or die it is very possible and probable that those two people may not be able to respond to me or most times the friends that are
Around us have the same limitations that we have so they can’t respond to your needs that’s right and if if your friends are in the same position as you I can listen you show me your friends and I’ll show you your future that’s right that’s right so I just I get
Beside myself as you can see when I hear people talking about I keep my circle small that foolishness mean I’m of the Bel large enlarge my territory enlarge my friendship enlarge my circle but here’s the thing give me the wisdom to be able to discern those people who are
Not good for me who do not have my best interest at heart but don’t let me get into the shallow mindset that I don’t need people because I understand I need people and and here’s the thing you needing people don’t only rest with you I have two children out there and those
Children may be away from me that I can’t get to them and so I’m going to need someone to stand proxy to get to those children until Dad can make it there so is just about me in this small circle what about my two children who
Are getting ready to walk into a whole different world where Dad is not going to be walking beside them good point good point that part that part it’s just so expansive I mean you know what you mentioned and and a lot of times you you tend to box yourself in with people two
Or three people who think like you so then you don’t have a diverse mindset your opportunities your you know your comfort zone is just I don’t know I just I just never and I’m just walking around looking at people like okay maybe I’m someplace else maybe it’s me you know what I’m
Like that that’s not healthy but and when I heard you say that I said oh somebody else okay fine that’s it’s it’s it’s to me it still kind of reminds me of poverty level thinking yes you’re you’re stuck in a mindset and and and also because
People say words that sound good or feel good to them they pick up on them and and it becomes life to them but you got to be careful what you ingest that’s right you have to be careful what you take in because that thing will sit in
Your spirit and then you would wonder why you have an inability to move because you’ve sat on words that have seeped into your life and has taken over yes indeed you know you you just you know because I I was having a conversation with a family member here and hopefully they don’t
Listen they were like everybody everybody in our family got high blood pressure diabetes you know and I was like no everybody in our family eats those things that gives us high blood pressure but it’s a matter of who you surround yourself with to give you new information give you new knowledge new
Understanding and if you know team of one or team of two you know you just stay stuck you know and it’s and and that was just a small example to me like you got to get out here and get around some other people some other thought processes you know if you keep your
Small if you keep your thoughts will be small but yeah it it it reminds me of we often my wife and us uh we often times going out to dinner with other couples we have a lot of other couple friends and those couple friends aren’t necessarily people we hang out with
Every day who we talk to every day or even talk to regularly but we can have regular date couple date nights where we go out and we uh break bread and have good conversations and it’s always a learning experience being around other people who don’t think like you who
Don’t do things like because you’re able now to collect a lot of information and then sift through it and determine what is best for you yeah I like that part like that part this in here yeah yeah some things I would have never been introduced to had I not met other people
Because in this house we’re all used to living the same way but imagine someone else saying well you could stay true to your foundation but here are some other things that you can do that part that part that part well sir I think I’ve taken up more than your 30 minutes
You’re are okay oh I got one more question if bear with me I got one more question because I’m having a good time talking to you um you’re in Florida yes the world’s most famous Beach H uh and um you’re and I say that because I I love the beaches and B not
But anyways your um your Governor at this time is a very uh interesting man let me say that he’s very very interesting man uh he currently is taking up issue with black history classes so as an educator and as a Ed educator in a very diverse demographic
Environment and let me say I’m I’m biased and I’m I’m I’m not ashamed about it I am biased and but I’m open to Input as an educator in a diverse demographic is it beneficial or is it not beneficial to have black history classes in classroom centers well here’s the thing this thing first started off when he got in the office talking about uh critical race Theory or what we call
CRT i w i in in my 14 years of teaching college I also taught research methodologies and we use critical race theory in higher education mostly in resch search so so to ban that in elementary I don’t know what elementary school student is studying critical race
Theory not at all most times it’s used as a theoretical model to support a research perspective so it’s almost laughable that people are arguing that he’s taking critical race Theory out of school so what they don’t use it it wasn’t there anyways right it was never there so now we’ve got gone on
And he’s now targeting um African-American studies and you know especially in in advanced courses when you talk about AP courses you know essentially what he said is is that your history is not important to a specific group and what’s interesting about that is is that he says African-American
History is not important he didn’t say that for any other race or nationality or even immigrants that are here in the United States only to African amans and what you’re saying is is that all of what African-Americans have done including build this country thank you including all of the inventions that’s
Come all of the first and everything that we’ve done is not important um it is amazing that people support that even just from that perspective is that you’re saying a group of people you know I always say this when I’m teaching diversity when people are telling you when African-American men are telling
You we’re dying at the hands of police what you come and say is you must be doing something wrong or you counter that and say well white men are dying that’s not what I’m talking about it’s no different than if I tell you um my
House is on fire and you tell me where three other houses are on fire I crisis is in my house my house is on fire my house is on fire the crisis is in my house and what we’re saying is there’s a crisis in the African-American community
And what you’re doing is either you’re justifying rationalizing or minimizing the effect in the African-American Community or you’re totally disregarding us as a people that part and that’s what we’re facing right now so the argument I can’t even be mad with him because there’s ignorant people that are out
There and ignorant people will do what ignorant people will do the devil will do what the devil will do yes he’s roaming around and so I can’t even be mad with it the what I’m mad with is the people who are flaming and giving gas to this situation instead of standing up
Saying regardless of how you feel about it there’s a set of people who are being affected by this true and that’s just like you know I went to bethon cookman University okay so I am a DieHard wild cat I believe if you cut me I
Bleed I don’t know how I can ble maroon and gold and black and old gold at the same time you make it work you make it work some kind of way I think it comes out of two different RS so what you’re telling me is is that
Dr Mary McLoud bethon who made her way to Daytona Beach who built the School on the city’s dump with a150 you’re telling me that that history is not important you’re telling me that HBCU are not important when at one point African-Americans could couldn’t get into pwi didn’t you’re telling me the
Underground rail road is not important you’re tell the list can go on I don’t even want to be on the soap box but that’s even um not to cut you out Florida has the first African-American settlement or city or something like Florida’s history africanamerican history is Rich and vibrant for that to
Be a state where you have a governor that just wants to kind of dismiss it Dr Mary McLoud bethon is the first person in Statuary Hall in DC the first African-American and you’re saying African-American history is not important like how did you even wake up in the morning to have that thought as
My grandmother say fix your mouth say it makes no sense and then we have people who are perpetuating that who are adding on to that you know that’s that’s the part that’s more disturbing yes that you have this group you know uh what’s the term flying monkeys that are just
Following behind you know just following suit because it sounds good to their itch and ears crazy well sir I’m gonna have to wrap this up you know we could we could probably talk for another two hours because we got stuff to talk about so I
I um I do my random question and then I’m gonna ask you to share how we connect with the do you only uh consult in Florida well I guess with some of the certified licensing stuff we can only do that in with the trainings I train in
Florida because a lot of them are Florida licensed um but I do seminars and conferences uh I am a speaker okay so that goes beyond the walls of Florida and I’ve been fortunate enough to travel to States um being able to share um the information that I’ve learned and
Acquired Lo way okay and before I ask my random question uh your particular chapter has been around for how long uh 1927 oh okay so y’all CU 1906 1927 okay so y’all came around okay let me ask my random question and I’mma ask you to tell how we connect with you Let oh wait a minute I got one question first before this one okay one before this one if your wife was here if your wife was here right now because you are such a driven and ambitious man uhhuh what advice would she give to other women when it comes to
Having a partner who’s so driven and ambitious what would she say um I think that she probably would educate them in understanding uh the person that you’re married to and I say that is because I don’t think I think as we grew we didn’t really understand each other
And I think we had to again we both grew into different people and I think that that’s what she would tell them is um I’ve had to figure this man out he’s Sayang it as nicely as possible it’s okay yeah yeah yeah all right now my random questions and and let me make
One correction I said 1927 it’s 1937 37 okay y’all still been around for a minute y’all been around for a minute I don’t think my grandfather wasn’t even around then no okay so here’s my random question if your waiter or waitress was a total jerk do you still leave a tip
Yes um because sometimes the encounter is not about what has happened to you but is about your responsibility to sew into someone else we don’t know what um happened to that person before they got to work but your kind gesture could turn their world upside down you know they
Could have just gotten divorce they could have just had a fight with their spouse the kid could be running away and anything could set them off why because I’m human and I have real human feelings and emotions but your response to my um Behavior could be a world of difference
And in fact your response could make me sit down and tell you what’s going on because I needed to hear what you had to say in that moment truly truly always a servant always looking for that place where you can serve you you and the men
Of alpha alpha you guys are just some phenomenal examples to this world I just I just I just I’m just so amazing so awesome I’m so humbl that um you have given me this opportunity this time I I’m just so thankful for not only the work that you do but your fellow
Brothers do I’m just Kudos your wife she picked a good one um thank you so hopefully she can hear this you know and so those times you know she gets upset with you you can pull out that car say look she said you got a good one so
There we go I appreciate that I I have I have the best I was that’s right that’s right that’s right it’s a partnership it’s a partnership a well sir tell us how we connect with you you said you do speaking and everything we got the
Podcast uh tell us how we uh listen in and how to comes up so just give us the whole load out yes I have a podcast Dr Wilson speaks you can find me streaming on all platforms um I’d love to have you follow also my website is CW consulting
Firm.com or you can reach out to me directly via sale uh 386 29920 awesome I love it well sir just thank you for your time thank you for your service thank you for all you have done thank you for all you will do I’m expecting you know I’m going to look up
What is this 2023 I’m G look up in 2024 and this list is going to be doubled you know with everything that [Laughter] you I I know your I know your son is like man I have following d this I got to do I got to do this
Times 10 you know the pressure he is just getting started he he will be finishing up his AA degree um at Daytona State College this semester and uh hopefully maybe transitioning into my a moer at bth cookman University okay awesome and and he’s already expressed interest in being an alpha man oh I
Think he believes he’s already won that’s all he knows Al righty sir well I thank you for your time today and continued success continued blessings to you and the family thank you so much I appreciate you for providing this opportunity that is all for this week’s episode of the male perspective I’m your
Host Lana Reed and I will see everybody next time
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