Hey guys happy vlogmas and as you can tell by the title of the video today i’m going to be telling you a story So today’s video let me move y’all back some i feel like y’all all up in my grill you all up in my grill okay that’s better so today’s story is going to be about the time i was expelled from school college we’re talking college we’re not talking high school we’re not talking a
10-day suspension we’re talking about full expulsion from a university um and then subsequently why i decided to disassociate denounce myself from my sorority or being involved in a sorority all together so oh yeah so i have my phone here because you all know i have to have notes i think
We’ve established this by now i just want to make sure that i stay on course and this isn’t an hour long video because garage talk so i have my notes here if you see me looking down that is what i’m doing i am referring to the notes um aka
Talking points that i have set for myself so i don’t ramble so i want to be clear and make sure that i say that this is not an anti-sorority video right i am not anti-sorority if you like them i love them i have friends that are still active in them i have
Friends that are still looking to be active in them and i am 100 supportive of that i will be at your probate if they still do probates when you get damn near 40 with the right color balloons and jackets and t-shirts in my hand i just am not
Into them personally you know i’m not here to to stamp them as elitist and say that they should be obsolete or anything like that although how y’all please bear with me and the ghetto that is the noise around my apartment and also the sun that won’t let me be grey
Now it would be a lie for me to say that i don’t think that sororities fraternity and i’m speaking in relation to black ones because that’s all i know right i don’t think that they are exclusionary or separatist um organizations i do think that right but i don’t think
That they’re any different than any other like organization or organized organization or anything like that but that’s not my issue with it so just wanted to make that clear if you like it i love it go you but let’s let’s talk about this explosion because that’s really why we’re here
Really here to talk about why i was expelled from school i was the first person in my family to go to college as i feel like many people were in my class i just feel like my class was full of first-time college students and things like that i came out of high
School in 2002 so i started college in the fall um of 2002 and it just was it just seemed that there was a bunch of us um that were first generation college students um in that year and so if you happen to be a first generation college student you are familiar with
How it could feel both like a huge accomplishment and privilege but also like a burden because you’re the the one that got out or you know you are the one that is going to make something of yourself or if you’re like me um you have this idea that because
You’re going to college and you’re going to get this degree this is this is what’s going to change the legacy of your family like you are rewriting your family’s history so i personally went to college with all of this on my back right i personally went to college
Thinking that this is my shot to change the trajectory of my family to change our legacy so i entered college as i said with all of this pressure but i also was a 18 year old from east st louis illinois you know i moved right out of
The projects into a college dorm room and so i had a hard time acclimating to my new environment so i was definitely still rough around the edges rough around the edges and my acclimation to college life was just it wasn’t it didn’t start off the easiest it just did not it wasn’t
The school part like getting up going to class um doing the work that’s that wasn’t hard for me that type of stuff just sort of comes natural and if i’m not good at something i’m really good at studying so like that wasn’t the issue for me it was the social aspect of college
That was probably the most difficult for me i definitely had a couple altercations a few altercations couple of them may have ended in an actual fight okay so they did end in actual fights so i was very much still angie from the block and trying to still exist in that and then exist
In this new environment so it wasn’t it wasn’t easy for me starting off especially because i came to college with a group of friends from high school so i already had my core friends i could have just existed in that bubble and been totally fine but when i
Left for school i had in my mind that i would go and meet new people and have new experiences and all of those things and so i really had to push myself out of my comfort zone to go out and meet people and eventually i found my way
I started joining like different like school activity boards and stuff like that just to like be a part of something and meet new people which is also completely against who i naturally was i am not a joiner i don’t like group things i don’t like group think
I don’t like group activities i just i’ve never been on a team i’ve never played a sport i’ve never done an organized anything because i just have always been a very like individualist style person i grew up in a house with five other um siblings four siblings and a cousin
And sometimes more cousins and i’ve always just been individual even in that environment in high school i hung with a big old group of girls it was like 15 or more of us and we hung out pretty much on a daily basis and even in that group i was very much an
Individual and so being a part of like organized things like i said that requires you to have like group think to do things with people on a regular basis follow a whole bunch of rules and stuff like that it just never has been my thing
But as i said i was really trying to step out of my comfort zone and you know have different experiences in college and as i said eventually i found my way so one thing that i immediately like found myself being interested in when i entered college was the role
Of the college queen um so i went to lincoln university initially in missouri and if you are not familiar with hbcus in their king and queen positions these are like the like top positions at historically black colleges and universities it’s right up universities i’m sorry it’s right up there with like sga president
Um and and things like that and before i wanted to do anything else i wanted to do that that was probably one of the first things that like caught my attention but i was initially like you can’t be miss lincoln because you don’t have what it what it takes you don’t have
What it takes you’re too rough around the edges people aren’t going to believe you in that position so i never really told anybody about my interest in miss lincoln i just kind of held it in the back of my mind and um just sort of watch the position from afar
And things like that but i started sort of trying to position myself um in a light where i felt like people would see me as miss lincoln one of the things that i did um when it came close to time to run for miss lincoln i looked at ways to build my social
Capital i wasn’t by any means um unpopular like it was a small campus everybody pretty much knew everybody and as i said i was on the student activity board and things like that so i knew people people knew me um but i didn’t feel like i had enough
Social capital to win miss lincoln because quite honestly at that point all of the student leadership positions were filled by people that were in greek letter organizations like it didn’t really seem like anybody else had a chance to win anything if you weren’t a part of one so in my mind
So let me go back i did start putting fillers out there you know just to say hey i may be interested in running for miss lincoln what do you think people’s reaction to that would be and i got for the most part positive feedback but i did you know hear
Different rumblings of people um bringing up when i first got to college and me being in fights and you know having an attitude problem and being ghetto and just all of that stuff or whatever and so i’m like okay so maybe i don’t have enough social capital so i have to find it
So that’s where my idea to join a sorority came from i’ve never or i’ve never had real interest in joining one now of course when i first got to college i was super intrigued by it because i i didn’t know anybody um that was a part of a sorority
But that immediately was just like i was like that really does it like i’m not that’s too much of like group thing group activity group stuff like i just i really wasn’t interested in it and then once my best friend pledged i really was like oh no
Like that ain’t for me right that ain’t she flourishes in it that ain’t for me but i wanted to maybe miss lincoln and i felt like that was the only way that i was going to win um i was very strategic about the organization that i chose to join because although they weren’t
Um super big they didn’t have like super big numbers as far as like how many people um was in the chapter um and they didn’t have as much like turnout to interest meetings as other organizations did they were so well liked on campus they had like a such a diverse group of like
Personalities and people just loved them people loved them and i felt like they could give me the social capital that i needed to win miss lincoln and so i went and i showed interest and i got picked and i paid and i joined and all of that and i remember immediately like
In the process of becoming a member i remember thinking in my head like this is this is this is really not for me this isn’t for me i know that i’m not going to flourish in this but i’m also not a quitter y’all so once i start something
I have to complete it especially in that context because quitting that like you don’t want to quit that right and so once i started i was like i mean i have to finish it but i noticed the difference in my enthusiasm for it um and the girls that i was going
Through the process with i will say that i will also say though that i going through the process helped me understand um why people join sororities why some people flourish in them why some people come alive and then um i did create relationship with people that i did not know which i
Wasn’t good with before i just was not a people person before i’m a people person now and i think that process had a lot to do with it but i just wasn’t a people person before so i was able to create relationship with people that i
Did not know and one of the girls that i was actually one of my nine sisters we had beef before that we had a little bit of beef um but i was able to be a relationship and and so i understood i just still in my
Gut i was like this is not for me and when this is over i don’t really foresee myself being super active in this and um so i went through the process you know everything was done and then the next semester so i went through the process and um
I pledged in the fall and then the spring was time to run for miss lincoln because you ran this semester before your senior year so this was the the second semester of my junior year of college and so you know i put in to run for miss lincoln and i did my thing
And all of my hard work paid off and i won miss lincoln and i’m probably going to start crying i’ve said this before if you’ve like seen me talk about it on my or heard me talk about it on my podcast or see me talk about it the small amount
That i talk about it’s on instagram this was probably both one of the proudest moments in my life and one of the biggest losses outside of the death of my mom that i’ve ever experienced in my life and obviously i came out on the other side of it but
I can’t talk about that experience without tearing up because i lost so much i feel like i lost so much um in that experience but i ended up winning miss lincoln i was so excited so excited and you know all i remember is being in this like bubble of excitedness
And you know i was meeting with the advisor for miss lincoln and we were talking about suits and you know coronation dresses and you know my look and just all of this stuff and then the next minute it was all gone the next minute it was literally all gone so
Um one day i get a call out of the blue letting me know that i and the other girls in my chapter were being investigated for hazing um and between the day i got that call and maybe two to three weeks later i was expelled i was out of school and
I still don’t even know the full details of of what happened or what was supposed to happen because it just happened so fast and i don’t know about anybody else but i just was not getting the answers that i needed or i just wasn’t getting the answers to the questions
That i was asking and so i’m still really unclear about what was supposed to have happened and i mean i just still don’t know i remember meeting with the advisor and her giving us details of what was supposed to have been said or done or whatever and i remember her
Saying you have to meet with the disciplinary board and that was the last time i saw that woman that was the last time i saw that woman i personally started out again i cannot speak for the other girls that are in my chapter but that was the last time i saw
That woman that was the last time i talked to that woman haven’t seen her heard from her i don’t even remember her name okay um and that’s going to be important in the sorority portion of this um story y’all between the noise outside and people continuously emailing me
For work which i’m supposed to be doing work anyway i’m never going to make it through this story anyway so i go to the meeting and the meeting is with the disciplinary board and it’s student representatives on the disciplinary board it’s universal leadership some professors and things like it’s made up of
A bunch of different um people and so i go to this meeting and i’m sitting at the edge of this table this is the first time that i’ve ever been in a situation like this and it’s just me i don’t have any representation i don’t have anybody telling me how to
Navigate this situation i’m just there and they are telling me all of these things that was supposed to have been said or they have they were supposed to have seen and all of that and i’m asking questions like do i get to see this stuff you know
Like where’s this stuff like i need to see the evidence like you’re not gonna put me out of school you’re not gonna you know have me in this disciplinary hearing and give me a bunch of he said she said like i want to see what you’re talking about and that was never
Produced they were just like we don’t have to do that like you’re on trial here we’re not on trial and so i just sat in that meeting and i felt very defeated and the crazy thing is one of the student representatives was a guy who was on the football team
And he was friends with a guy that i got in if i would yes one of the fights that i got into my freshman year of college was with a big old football player and that’s because my friends and i were in line um trying to get breakfast
And he just walks up and cuts line sorry about the noise y’all he just walks up and cuts line just cuts the lines like we ain’t nothing and when we called him on it he just was like don’t talk to me so my friend has like a little tray and she literally
Cracked him over his head with the tray and of course he defended himself so we’re like little ants trying to fight this big old tall black dread head football player it was a whole thing but anyway one of the students on the board was his friend
And he brought that fight up and just looks like you’ve always been in trouble you got into a fight with my friend i know for a fact and i’m just like dude i was 18. i was fresh out the projects and in this environment that i didn’t know
Anything about and here was this guy being threatening to me and my friends and where i’m from when someone threatened you in the way that he made us feel threatened you get them before they get you like i didn’t you know i didn’t know any better
But i am almost 21 years old like i am not the same person like that you cannot hold that against me and so i left that meeting feeling very defeated and i left that meeting knowing that this was the end like in my heart i knew that this was not gonna end the
Way that i was hoping that it would end but i was gonna do everything that i could do to try to make that not so so i did a few things after that meeting the first thing that i did was i immediately called our advisor i called that lady
I don’t know it could have it must have been like a hundred thousand times she never responded she never responded to me never responded to me um when she didn’t respond i called our regional chapter never got an answer when they didn’t respond i called nationals i emailed them i was just calling
Whoever i could call never got a response again i can only speak for me i can’t speak for the other girls that were in my chapter i don’t know what steps they took but i personally called everybody at my disposal within that organization for help because i felt like maybe if i
Had representation organization representation did they have lawyers i don’t know if i had somebody there then i wouldn’t feel so defeated and maybe this would work out in my favor nobody ever responded to me they were trash just like these trash trucks that won’t stop making all this damn
Noise first the noise and then my battery died i had to change batteries so when i realized that um i was not going to get the help that i felt like i needed um from the organization i just immediately start applying to other schools because i was like this is it
This is it i am about to lose it all and um i had a friend that went to tsu i had also met a couple other people through like student um leadership trips and stuff like that from tsu and then that’s where i ended up going because it just
Made the most sense it was only four hours from home i had a really good friend from high school that went there and so it just made the most sense but i immediately start applying out to other schools because i just i knew it wasn’t going to work out for me
And ultimately it did not ultimately i along with all of the other girls um in my chapter was expelled from school and i should i let me say this i did have the opportunity to stay in school i actually had another meeting with just um university leader leadership and they
Basically pulled me in the office and was like you have a lot to lose you just won miss lincoln we do not want to put our miss lincoln out of school if you sign an affidavit basically saying that what we are saying happened happened then you’re good you can stay in school
Right and i feel like they not i feel like i know that they gave everybody within the chapter that had a lot they felt like had a lot to lose that same choice we had quite a few girls that were scheduled to graduate um that semester within like two to
Three weeks time and so and one of them took it one of them took it she was the only one um to not get expelled and was able to graduate and go on and do whatever it is that she um did i did not take the deal and
I was expelled along with all the other girls in my chapter and as i said the girls that were scheduled to graduate they were not allowed to graduate they actually lost all of their credits from that semester so they weren’t even eligible to graduate we were expelled indefinitely so you couldn’t come back
So even if you were trying to transfer credits you were you were transferring with less credits than you actually had which i also lost so i lost 18 credit hours i had taken 18 credit hours that semester um so i lost the 18 credit hours that i
Had taken i had already taken most of my finals so they were my credit hours it’d be different if i hadn’t taken finals but i had completed finals and already passed those classes so i feel like those were my credit hours but i lost those i also lost the title of
Miss lincoln and um i was expelled expelled from school indefinitely and um as i said earlier that experience that that experience was probably the the second hardest experience of my life because not only did i lose miss lincoln which i was extremely sad about but more importantly i had
Failed at my initial goal in going to college in that i had gotten expelled and even if i went on to complete school which i did i had tarnished the experience like it was not the perfect experience that i was trying to build to show my nieces and nephews um
So that they want to follow in my footsteps i had like ruined whoa okay i’m back i had like ruined that experience and so second to losing my mom that was probably the worst experience of my life like it was really really hard to deal with um and
Then on the flip side of that when it comes to the organization and why i decided that it just wasn’t something that i wanted to be associated with um on top of just not feeling like it meshed with who i am as a person um the way that they in my opinion just
Left us high and dry it i like anybody that i talk to that has experienced um accusations of hazing or misconduct when it comes to organizations they have pretty much the same experience where these organizations just drop you like a bad habit like they act like you do not exist
Like sisterhood and brotherhood and camaraderie and all of this stuff is so important until you misrepresent them or until you get in trouble and then you just do not exist they are not there for you in the way that you are there for them you know wearing their letters
And you know getting people to be interested in the organization because at the end of the day they need you they need your joining fees they need your dues that is how they or they they uh maintain as business and you are a walking advertisement for them
So as soon as you are not beneficial to them anymore they act like you don’t exist and i feel like that’s what happened they they were not there for me when i needed them and all i see is people being there for them as an organization showing up for them every day
And you don’t get that common courtesy so for me i’m the type of person where i forgive because as i said it all worked out for me but i don’t forget and you only have one time leaving me out here looking crazy and that is
It so that also played a huge role and why i was like oh no i have to disassociate myself from that because i’m not going to encourage people to be a part of something that i had a horrible experience with right i had a horrible experience with the organization itself not necessarily
The people in my chapter that was a great experience but the organization in and of itself would not recommend sororities in and of themselves i just would not recommend i mean it is what it is and as i said i am all for other people being a part of
Them and being active in them and all of that i get you know the idea and the premise around them i just call on a lot of it that’s just me though that’s just me i just you know don’t get on their bad side that’s all i’m saying or don’t do
Something to make them look bad honey because that’s it for you you are done another thing that really really left a bad taste in my mouth is i got a letter from them first of all informing me that i was suspended from the organization nationally for what happened at the school
So you knew that the situation exists you knew that it existed you knew enough to send me a letter and tell me that i was expended i mean suspended but on top of that it’s like oh but you can join again in five years for a small fee of x amount of dollars
I’m like are y’all kidding me i’m like is this a game to you i’ve lost everything i emailed and called you people for at least a week every day and i never got anything and you send me a letter telling me i’m ex that’s okay i don’t want to be a part of
It and so yeah that just that was pretty much uh it for me and when i got to tsu i did you know try i did try to like engage with the girls in the organization in my organization on that campus and just maybe see if i
See if i could like forgive and forget and that didn’t work that didn’t work i almost got put out of school again because one of the girls in the that chapter who was actually the chapter president her eye literally almost came to blows like a like a fist fight because
She was upset at the fact that i hung pretty much exclusively with girls in another organization um but i’m like girl my one of my closest friends from home is in that organization i don’t know nobody else here who the hell else am i supposed to hang with like
You i don’t know you like that i just i just was trying to like see what this was all about and and that experience again just let me know oh no no no this isn’t for me because i’m not into groupthink you’re not gonna tell me
Who i can and can’t hang out with like i don’t roll like that i like you know i don’t give a damn what color they wear if i want to hang out with them i’ma hang out with them and you’re not going to make me feel bad about that and so
I just was like yeah this is it for me and so i haven’t i haven’t been active or i haven’t you you won’t really you won’t see me wearing paraphernalia you probably won’t see me doing a lot of like founder’s day celebrating and stuff like that every once in a while i’ll say
Something if somebody tags me in something or something like that i’m going to respond i’m not a i’m not a like that where i’m just like oh i am not don’t i’m not doing that but like you won’t see me taking the initiative to promote um sororities or my
Organization in general because i’m just i’m not into them so that is why i was expelled from school and subsequently denounced my sorority um as i said this is not a like crusade against sororities if you like them i love them that’s fine they do have some positives
I do see people that flourish in them tis just not me thank you all for watching and i will see you in the next video bye
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