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In this episode, I speak with Douglas and Heather Boneparth. Douglas, a Seasoned Financial Advisor, and Heather, a Former Corporate Attorney, share their journey and insights on managing finances within a relationship. They discuss the evolution of their financial strategies, especially in light of the global pandemic and how it necessitated a shift in their approach to money and partnership.
They emphasize the complexities of merging finances in a relationship, emphasizing that it’s not a one-time event but a continuous process. They highlight the importance of communication and understanding each other’s financial backgrounds and perspectives.
They also touch on their upcoming book, “The Merge,” which explores navigating financial power dynamics within relationships, aiming to provide couples with tools to manage their finances harmoniously. It covers the personal challenges they faced, such as the impact of career changes and the dynamics of working together professionally.
Join us as we explore the importance of ongoing dialogue and mutual understanding in managing finances as a couple, ensuring both partners feel valued and empowered.
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Key Takeaways
00:02:00 – Douglas and Heather’s Early Career and Financial Struggles
00:11:02 – Shift in Career Dynamics and Financial Contributions
00:15:33 – The Importance of Communication in Financial Relationships
00:30:14 – Growth and Success in Their Business
00:40:14 – Advice for Couples Considering Marriage
00:41:57 – Importance of Communication Over Financial Mechanics
Tweetable Quotes
“A global pandemic was not something we accounted for. Whatever we did to set up our financial life before then was no longer relevant to the world we live in now. It’s a constant search for equity, balance, and communication to maintain a healthy relationship with money and each other.”
“I grew up watching my father and grandfather as entrepreneurs, which baked into my DNA the understanding of money as a tool. This contrasted with Heather’s experience, where money was a source of anxiety and not feeling in control.”
“It’s not just about how you merge your money the first time; it’s about how you stay together over the decades. The real challenge is in how couples communicate about money, the autonomy they feel in spending, and how they value each other’s contributions beyond financial earnings.”
Guest Resources
Website – https://www.bonefidewealth.com
Douglas LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/douglasboneparth
Douglas Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/dougboneparth/
Douglas Twitter – https://twitter.com/dougboneparth
Heather’s Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/averagejoelle/
Heather’s Twitter- https://twitter.com/averagejoelle
Mindful Money Resources
For all the free stuff at Mindful Money: https://mindful.money/resources
To buy Jonathan’s first book – Mindful Money: https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Money-Practices-Financial-Increasing/dp/1608684369
To buy Jonathan’s second book – Mindful Investing: https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Investing-Outcome-Greater-Well-Being/dp/1608688763
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For more complex, one on one financial planning and investing support with Jonathan or a member of Jonathan’s team: https://www.epwealth.com/our-team/berkeley/jonathan-deyoe/
Website: https://mindful.money
Jonathan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jonathandeyoe
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Heather Boneparth [0:00 – 0:36]: A global pandemic was not something we accounted for. And frankly, whatever we did to set up our financial life before then, it was no longer relevant to the world that we live in now. And so I think that that is the main message that we’re trying to drive home in this, is that it’s a constant search for equity, it’s a constant search for balance, and a constant search to kind of communicate in a way that allows you to maintain a healthy relationship with money and each other. And that’s kind of what this book is about, that it’s not a one time thing. This is not just about how you merge your money together the first time. It’s how you stay together over the decades to come.
Ad [0:38 – 1:00]: Do you think money takes up more life space than it should? On this show, we discuss with and share stories from artists, authors, entrepreneurs, and advisors about how they mindfully minimize the time and energy spent thinking about money. Join your host, Jonathan Dio, and learn how to put money in its place and get more out of life.
Jonathan DeYoe [1:04 – 2:00]: Welcome back. On this episode of the Mindful Money podcast, I’m chatting with Douglas and Heather Bonaparte. Douglas Bonaparte is the president and founder of Bona Fide wealth in New York City. He sits on the CNBC Financial Advisory Council and is a CFP board ambassador for New York. I know him as the funny financial advisor with a great hair on Twitter or whatever you call it now, and I hear he’s on Instagram, but I never seen him there. I don’t frequent lots of social media. Heather Bonaparte is a writer recovering corporate attorney who now runs business and legal affairs for the firm. You can find her on Instagram as well, though I haven’t seen her there. And through the newsletter our tiny Rebellions, which searches for meaning in our little wins and losses, which I love. They wrote their first book together about millennials and money while on parental leave with their oldest daughter. Now they’re working on their second book about navigating the power struggles over money and relationships, loosely titled the Merge. Before the book is out, you can subscribe to their newsletter, the joint account. I love the titling. It’s great. Douglas, welcome to the Mindful Money podcast.
Douglas Boneparth [2:00 – 2:01]: Thanks for having us.
Heather Boneparth [2:01 – 2:02]: Thanks so much for having us.
Jonathan DeYoe [2:02 – 2:11]: I’m excited for the conversation. I’ve been following Douglas for a while, as I mentioned, and I’m excited to finally sort of meet you guys face to face. First. Where do you call home? Where are you connecting from?
Heather Boneparth [2:11 – 2:24]: Sure. We live in one of the many suburbs of New York City on the Jersey side. Now after about a decade in the city, we moved out here seven, eight years ago. We had kids. We said, enough’s enough. We need a house. We need to feel grass.
Douglas Boneparth [2:25 – 2:38]: So, yeah, get outside and touch some grass. That was. I think we’re all. If you’re in New York City, you have this, I guess, delusion, if you will, that you’ll stay there forever. And I think the second we had our first daughter, we were like, we gotta go.
Jonathan DeYoe [2:38 – 2:40]: Too much concrete, too much steel.
Heather Boneparth [2:41 – 2:41]: Yep.
Jonathan DeYoe [2:41 – 2:43]: So do you both grow up in New York?
Douglas Boneparth [2:43 – 2:56]: No, actually, I grew up in south Florida, and Heather is a South Jersey girl. And we both met at the University of Florida when we were freshmen in college. We came from different sides or different positions on the coast, if you will.
Heather Boneparth [2:56 – 3:05]: And we question all the time how he ended up back here in New Jersey after we met in Florida. You know, sometimes, especially this time of year, we look at each other and we’re like, what did we do?
Douglas Boneparth [3:05 – 3:10]: Why? Certainly during the winter months, we have a lot of questions that ask ourselves.
Jonathan DeYoe [3:10 – 3:20]: You’re not the only one. My son is actually going to UCLA. He’s a freshman. So he probably needed your wife. I hope not. But his first choice was NYU, and now he’s like, what was I thinking?
Heather Boneparth [3:21 – 3:25]: Oh, he’s so much better off. So much better off. Oh, man.
Jonathan DeYoe [3:25 – 3:32]: I’m curious. What did you guys learn about money and entrepreneurship growing up? Was this part of the household conversation or. What did you learn?
Heather Boneparth [3:32 – 4:19]: Well, I guess I’ll start. You know, I feel very. I mean, it’s a privilege to say that money wasn’t something that I thought about when I was younger. It wasn’t something that I needed to be concerned about. And we were financially secure. I grew up in upper middle class household in New Jersey, and my parents got divorced, though, when I was 13, and I’m an only child. And that really thrust money to the forefront of my life and to the discussion, a daily discussion at home. And so I think the first lessons that I learned about money were all about, like, perceived scarcity. And it wasn’t so much about what we had or didn’t have, but it was about the anxiety that was put on me of what that looked like. And kind of like I deeply, deeply commingled my feelings about money with these other feelings of security. And the lessons weren’t great. They weren’t great. Doug, how about you?
Douglas Boneparth [4:19 – 6:01]: Yeah, yeah, no, a little different experience. I grew up in sunny south Florida. Like I mentioned, I was the son and grandson of serial entrepreneurs. Baked into my DNA was a couple generations of people who had to start businesses, run businesses, sell businesses, and I grew up around that. And I’ve always watched my father be an entrepreneur. He was very good at teaching both my brother and I how to make money. Ironically, being the son of a financial advisor, not necessarily invest money early on, which is something I wish I may have done, but I don’t regret anything. I had a lot of fun and learned a lot of lessons. My brother and I ran a computer repair business. We taught computer lessons to mostly older people around the south Florida area. I grew up in Boca Ratons. As PCs were showing up at everyone’s house, people wanted to know how to log on to Sol and send an email, turn on their computer, for crying out loud. Beeps and boops out of a computer would scare any 72 year old in the late nineties. So I had a pretty good experience there and obviously paid some dividends for me starting and practice and becoming an entrepreneur myself. I really haven’t. Outside of working some school jobs at, like, blockbuster, I never really worked for a corporation of any kind. So it’s something that’s very different about Heather and I. But like Heather, I didn’t worry about money too much. I just remember one day being in the back of the car and my father and grandfather, those two entrepreneurs, my grandfather turning around and say something like, and this one over here, pointing, he doesn’t know the value of a dollar. And I was like, what the hell? I didn’t really understand what he was referring to, but I knew I didn’t like it. I didn’t like what he was saying. And that actually had some lasting impact on me. And I vowed not to not understand what meant.
Heather Boneparth [6:01 – 6:37]: But I think that I will say this, that Doug and I, if I were to say, like, to summarize how Doug and I came to our, like, young adult money beliefs, I came from a place of fear and not knowing what was ever enough or not feeling like I was in control because I didn’t know how much money would make me feel more secure in my relationships and my life. And Doug came from a place of understanding, using money as a tool and not feeling afraid because he had control. And he was at least taught how to facilitate the life that he wanted with whatever amount of money it was that he had. So we really came at it from very different angles, which is, I mean.
Jonathan DeYoe [6:37 – 7:05]: That’S normal for couples, right? So before we talk about couples in money, now, I read a recent post. I don’t know who writes the blog post, but one of you writes the blog post. Right. I read a recent post that talked about the merge as sort of a natural consequence of growing up or becoming an adult or becoming a better adult. I kind of have the sense that, Douglas, that might have been you, but given the mindful money audience, or give mindful money audience the dark talk about the work before founding the firm, then starting the firm, then writing the first book, and then how does that lead to this thing, the joint account and the merge?
rk City, and that was October:
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