Letter to My Younger Self: Jason Fitzer, Chico State ’08
Dr. Jason Richard Fitzer PhD shares his letter in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month.
What does it mean to be a man? What is masculinity? Looking back twenty years ago to starting college, I would share the following thoughts with my younger self.
Am I enough? I know this is a question you’re thinking about often right now, especially now that you are not living at home and are embarking on your college journey. The most important thing I would tell you is that you are enough. One of the ways you might think you are not enough is because you are comparing yourself to other guys, but doing so will not give you any of the answers you seek.
Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Comparison is natural and happens every day. You will compare yourself to others on campus, to people on the TV, or to how you think people are describing masculinity. You may not think so right now, but trust me, you should not compare yourself to any ideals of masculinity except your own. You should think about what you believe masculinity means. You are not less of a man just because you focused on school and not sports.
Masculinity is more than being strong, interested in sports, or emotionally and physically strong. When people say “be a man” or “man up,” you may not understand what that means because you are still figuring out who you are as a man. The truth is that there is no one way to be a man, and being comfortable in how you express your masculinity is a journey and not a destination. Masculinity is having healthy relationships with yourself, with family and friends, and being able to share your thoughts and feelings.
When you decide the time is right to join a fraternity and choose Phi Delta Theta, you will face challenges to your perception of masculinity because, like you, every Phi is different. Be willing to learn from your brothers; acknowledge that their experiences and views of masculinity can differ from your own but are equally valid. Being a Phi Delt means you can become the great version of yourself, and the trick is to know that becoming the best version of yourself means accepting yourself.
Be willing to learn from your brothers; acknowledge that their experiences and views of masculinity can differ from your own but are equally valid. Being a Phi Delt means you can become the great version of yourself, and the trick is to know that becoming the best version of yourself means accepting yourself.
Dr. Jason Richard Fitzer PhD, Chico State ’08
Something you will come to learn as you grow older is that masculinity exists on a spectrum. There is no right or wrong way to be a man, but there are different ways to express your masculinity. Your interests and how you express yourself matter as much as any other guy. I want you to know that ‘being a man’ does not mean you need to be the strongest person, that you can share how you are feeling, and that you get to define what it means to be a man.
Spend time enjoying opportunities and the people around you. An essential part of masculinity is having people around whom you trust and support you. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations, which I know will be challenging, but new experiences will be how you will develop meaningful relationships and learn. Trying new things is difficult, but it will help you find where you feel you belong. Understanding masculinity is not fitting in or being the standout but being where you feel comfortable to share all aspects of yourself.
Contrary to the perception of some, emotions and masculinity go hand in hand. Share your thoughts and feelings. Men not being able to share their emotions, or even have them, is a bad stereotype; don’t lean into it. When you share your thoughts and feelings with others, you can have stronger relationships, which will ultimately help you find the places you belong. So, what does it mean to be a man? There is no one correct answer, but your answer is the one that is right for you.
Lastly, at the end of the day the opinion that matters the most is yours. Take care of yourself! You are a great guy who cares for others, takes the time to get to know people, and always looks to improve things, not less than when you found it.
