– ALL RIGHT, Y’ALL GATHER ROUND. GATHER ROUND. WELCOME, GENTLEMEN. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL AND BLESSED DAY FOR AN AUCTION. ALL RIGHT, Y’ALL, GET ON UP THERE. – PUT THAT WHIP DOWN AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS, THOUGH. – STRAIGHT UP. I DON’T CARE WHAT PLANTATION I END UP ON.
I’M STRAIGHT STAGING A REVOLT IN THIS MOTHER[bleep]. – HELLS YEAH. – WE HAVE LOT A, LOT B, AND LOT C. – UH, $3 ON LOT A. – $4. – 5! – $5 GOING ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, SOLD. LOT A GOES TO THE MAN IN THE BLACK HAT. – I MEAN, GOOD. – YEAH.
– [chuckles] I’M GLAD I DIDN’T GET SOLD, ‘CAUSE I DON’T WANT TO BE OWNED BY ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. – WHOEVER BUYS ME, THEY BETTER KILL ME THE FIRST DAY, OR I’MA GO BUCK-WILD ON THE WHOLE OPERATION. – OKAAY? – NEXT ONE, GET UP ON UP THERE, NOW. – OH, THIS–OKAY. both: [inhale]
– $6 ON LOT A. – $7! – EIGHT. – 9! – $9 GOING ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, SOLD! both: [exhale] – OKAY, WELL, YOU HAVE TO BUY THAT DUDE. – IT’S A NO-BRAINER. – I MEAN, THAT GUY’S HUGE. – A MASSIVE INDIVIDUAL. – THAT’S TWO OF ME. – ANYBODY WOULD BUY HIM.
– I’D BUY THAT DUDE. – MY QUESTION IS HOW’D THEY CATCH HIM? – NEXT! – OKAY. OH, YEAH. – YEAH. – $2 ON LOT A. – $2 GOING ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, SOLD. – SEE, NOW, THAT SURPRISES ME. – THAT IS INTERESTING, TO SAY THE LEAST.
– I MEAN, WELL, IT JUST SEEMS LIKE AT A CERTAIN POINT, IT’S LIKE, DO THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY’RE LOOKING FOR? – IT’S LIKE THE WHOLE CRITERIA SEEMS JUST A LITTLE INCONSISTENT. – I MEAN, AT SOME POINT, I WANT TO BE ON LOT A.
– YEAH, WHICH– CAN A BROTHA GET ON LOT A? – NEXT. – OH, HERE WE GO. – HERE WE GO. – BEEN A PLEASURE. – GIVE ‘EM HELL. – ALL RIGHT. – OKAY. – $8 ON LOT A. – GOING ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, SOLD! – HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? – NOPE, NOT TRUE.
– HOW DOES IT HAPPEN? – WHAT YOU JUST SAID– THAT’S GOBBLEDYGOOK. OKAY? THAT CAN’T BE TRUE. ‘CAUSE WHAT CAN THIS DUDE DO? LOOK AT HIM. WHAT COULD HE PICK? A COTTON PLANT IS, LIKE, THIS TALL. – YES. – I’M SAY– NO OFFENSE, BROTHA, I’M JUST SAYING. – OFFENSE TAKEN. – WHA–[gasps]
AM I WRONG? IS HE NOT SHORT? HE’S SHORT. BUT YOU ARE ACTUALLY SHORT IN REAL LIFE, IN THE WORLD. – YOU’RE GOOD, MAN. – ENOUGH. I WILL NOT HAVE MY REPUTATION TAINTED, SELLIN’ SUPERFICIAL, BIGOTED SLAVES. – SUPERFICIAL? DID THAT REALLY JUST COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH? – THAT’S IT! THIS AUCTION’S OVER!
– AUCTION’S OVER? – WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. NO, IT’S–IT AIN’T OVER. IT’S NOT OVER! I’M STRONG, Y’ALL! I’M VERY STR– I CAN SLEEP IN A BUCKET. – I’M FAST, I GOT STAMINA, AND I KNOW MAGIC. – MY WORST QUALITY IS THAT I’M A PERFECTIONIST. – LET ME MEN– HAVE I MENTIONED THIS? DOCILE.
I AM AGREEABLE TO A FAULT. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE DUDE WHO ASKED ME TO GET ON THE BOAT WHEN WE CAME OVER HERE. – NOT A VIOLENT BONE IN MY BODY. – I JUST WALKED RIGHT ON, NO BIG DEAL. NEVER SEEN A BOAT IN MY LIFE.
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