– HELLO, AND WELCOME TO THE FIFTH ANNUAL MEETING OF THE TALLAHASSEE BLACK REPUBLICANS. NOW, I’M PISSED! all: MM-HMM. – ROYALLY PISSED! all: MM-HMM. – LAST NOVEMBER, BARACK OBAMA WAS RE-ELECTED PRESIDENT, AND THE BLACK VOTE WENT ALMOST ENTIRELY TO HIM! [crowd murmuring] – DAGNABBIT. – WE’RE NOT GETTING OUR MESSAGE OUT, OBVIOUSLY.
THE REPUBLICAN PARTY IS AND SHOULD BE THE ONLY HOME FOR BLACK VOTES. – YES, SIR. – NOW, PEOPLE THINK THAT BLACK VOTERS ARE A MONOLITH. [scoffs] WE’RE NOT A MONOLITH. – WHAT? WHAT? – NO, WE’RE NOT. – IN FACT, BLACK REPUBLICANS ALONE ARE AN EXTREMELY DIVERSE GROUP OF PEOPLE. [crowd murmuring agreement]
NOW, TO SPEAK MORE ON DIVERSITY, I PRESENT TONIGHT’S SPEAKER, MR. DOUGLAS JACKSON. [applause] [applause ends abruptly] – NOW, I’M NOT GONNA SUGARCOAT IT, I’M PISSED! [crowd murmuring agreement] I’M ROYALLY PISSED. THE LIBERAL MEDIA THINKS THAT REPUBLICANISM IS NOT FOR BLACK PEOPLE. all: MM. – NOW, YOU TELL ME, WHAT ABOUT FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY,
A STRONG NATIONAL DEFENSE, AND A LIMITED GOVERNMENT IS UNAPPEALING TO BLACK PEOPLE? WE’RE NOT A MONOLITH! all: MM-MMM. – WE COME IN ALL DIFFERENT SHAPES AND SIZES. – WE DO. all: MM-HMM! – NOW, WHO HERE WOULD LIKE TO COME UP TO THIS PODIUM AND SPEAK ABOUT THE DIVERSITY AMONGST BLACK REPUBLICANS?
– [clears throat] – OH. [chuckles] GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE A REAL TREAT TODAY, A GENTLEMAN WHO IS A LITTLE BIT ECCENTRIC, A LITTLE BIT OUTSIDE OF THE BOX, IF YOU WILL, BUT I CAN’T THINK OF A BETTER PERSON TO SPEAK ON DIVERSITY AMONGST BLACK REPUBLICANS THAN THIS GENTLEMAN RIGHT HERE.
ALL THE WAY FROM ORLANDO, MY GOOD FRIEND, ARTHUR WASHINGTON! [applause] IT’S GOOD TO SEE YOU. IT’S GOOD TO SEE YOU. GOOD TO SEE YOU, MAN. [applause] [applause ends abruptly] – THANK YOU FOR THE INTRODUCTION, BROTHER DOUGLAS. – THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE, BROTHER ARTHUR. – MM-HMM. HOWEVER, I AM… PISSED. [crowd murmuring agreement]
ROYALLY PISSED. – INDEED, INDEED! – ALL RIGHT. – DEMOCRATS THINK THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO ALL THE BLACK PEOPLE. BUT THAT IS NOT THE CASE. WE ARE NOT A MONOLITH. [crowd murmuring agreement] DEMOCRATS MAY BE COOL, BUT THEY AIN’T PRACTICAL. – THERE YOU GO. [crowd murmuring agreement] – REPUBLICANS ARE PRACTICAL.
BLACK PEOPLE ARE PRACTICAL! COME TO THINK OF IT… – GET THOSE PANTS. – I THINK BLACK REPUBLICANS ARE PRETTY COOL. [crowd murmuring agreement] – HEAR, HEAR, HEAR, HEAR. – NOT TO MENTION VERY DIVERSE. – THERE WE GO. MM-HMM. [door opens] – EXCUSE ME, GENTLEMEN. SORRY TO INTERRUPT.
SOMEONE’S WHITE WIFE IS HERE TO PICK THEM UP. [all murmuring] – WAS HER NAME EMILY? – UH, SHE WAS WHITE. – OH, GREAT, THAT’S–
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