Letter to My Younger Self: Anthony St. Clair, Monmouth ‘11
Dear younger me,
I know things are really tough right now, but you’re going to be okay.
You’ve already lived through more than any kid should have to. You hide the bruises on your arms while trying even harder to hide the emotional wounds that leave you feeling broken, alone, and invisible. Alcoholism has stolen people you love and made you afraid of your own home. Right now, you’re just focused on getting through the day. What you can’t see yet is that the things forcing you to grow up so quickly are also building qualities that will stay with you for the rest of your life. You’re going to learn independence, how to solve problems, adapt to difficult situations, and keep moving forward even when you have no idea what comes next. One day, what feels like a burden will become one of your greatest sources of strength.
What I wish you knew most is that life-changing moments rarely announce themselves when they happen. They usually show up disguised as ordinary decisions.
For reasons that will never make complete sense to anyone else, you’re going to decide that while other kids are learning the trumpet, violin, or guitar, you should learn how to play the bagpipes. Most people are going to think it’s strange. Honestly, they’re not wrong. But do it anyway. You’re going to discover that you’re pretty good at it, and years later those bagpipes will earn you a scholarship to a small college in western Illinois called Monmouth. At the time, it will feel like little more than an opportunity to attend college. What you won’t understand is that a decision made by twelve-year-old you was quietly setting the course for the rest of your life.
Monmouth will introduce you to many things, but none will be more important than the group of men you meet when you help bring Phi Delta Theta back to campus. Looking back, that decision will matter every bit as much as picking up the bagpipes for the first time. You won’t simply join a fraternity. You’ll become part of a brotherhood that changes the way you see yourself and the way you move through the world. Your childhood taught you how to survive on your own. Phi Delt will teach you that you don’t have to.
Growing up, you learned how to anticipate problems before they happened. You learned to rely on yourself because sometimes it felt like there wasn’t another option. Those skills served a purpose, but they were only part of the lesson. Your brothers will teach you how to trust people, how to lean on others when you need help, and how to be there when someone else needs you. You’ll learn how to communicate with people who think differently than you. You’ll learn that disagreement doesn’t have to mean disrespect, and that some of the strongest friendships in life are built between people who don’t see every issue the same way.
You’ll also learn lessons about leadership that no classroom could ever teach. Leadership isn’t about having all the answers or being the smartest person in the room. It’s about listening before speaking and bringing people together when opinions differ. It’s about accepting responsibility when things go wrong and sharing the credit when things go right. Most importantly, you’ll learn that leadership is ultimately about service. The best leaders aren’t focused on themselves; they’re focused on helping others succeed.
As you get older, you’ll learn something else that seems obvious in hindsight but feels impossible to understand at twenty: don’t sweat the small stuff. There will be plenty of things that seem incredibly important in the moment that won’t matter a decade later. You don’t need to defend yourself from every criticism, win every argument, or protect yourself from every disappointment. You don’t need everyone to understand you, and you certainly don’t need every plan to unfold exactly as you imagined. Life is going to change. People are going to change. You are going to change. The sooner you learn to embrace that reality instead of fighting it, the happier you’ll be.
Eventually, you’ll become one of the old guys, and the young guys will remind you of that fact every day. You’ll watch younger brothers walk through the same doors you once walked through, trying to find their place just as you did. You’ll see them make mistakes, grow as leaders, experience setbacks, and discover strengths they never knew they had. During those years, you’ll gain a different perspective on your own journey. The men who came before you helped build the road you walked, even though you didn’t know it at the time. They invested their time, energy, and wisdom into creating opportunities they would never personally benefit from, and those efforts helped shape the life you’re living. Now it’s your turn to invest in others.
You’ll find tremendous purpose in doing exactly that. You’ll share lessons that took years to learn. You’ll challenge younger brothers when they need to be challenged and encourage them when they doubt themselves. You’ll help them navigate some of the same questions you once struggled to answer. Along the way, you’ll find that some of life’s most meaningful moments come from helping someone else find their footing.
Looking back, you’ll see that your childhood taught you how to build a life for yourself, but Phi Delta Theta taught you how to build a life beyond yourself. The boy who learned to survive became a man who serves. The child who learned to depend only on himself learned that strength isn’t found in standing alone, but in standing beside others. And the young man who spent so much time wondering whether he had a future will one day find himself helping other young men build theirs.
Keep going. Trust that things can get better even when you can’t imagine how. The future you’re worried you may never have is already making its way toward you. A decision as simple as learning the bagpipes will set into motion a chain of events that leads you to Monmouth, to Phi Delta Theta, and to opportunities you could never have imagined. And years from now, when you look around a room filled with men you’re proud to call brothers, you’ll understand that every step of the journey led you exactly where you were supposed to be.
With gratitude,
Dr. Anthony St. Clair
