No one in my family has been a memberĀ of a greek-lettered organization beforeĀ Ā so i knew like this was something i wantedĀ to wear on my back with pride little did iĀ Ā know the fruits of this lifestyle started toĀ manifest quickly my drinking increased a lotĀ Ā
My smoking increased a lot fornication increased aĀ lot and i guess being on a college campus too thatĀ Ā environment is just it’s heavy in that lifestyleĀ so every time we would be like oh where’s theĀ Ā next function where’s the next party we’re goingĀ to this bar we’re going we’re going to hang withĀ Ā
These guys and it’s like for this to be christianĀ based we’re doing a lot of non-christian thingsĀ Ā my mom and dad took us to church um again i’mĀ nigerian so religion is a big thing in our umĀ Ā
Culture but none of us were actually saved soĀ there wasn’t really the guiding light of christĀ Ā in our household and how to behave in things iĀ wasn’t super rebellious i wasn’t um like a bigĀ Ā troublemaker but yeah i just kind of lived likeĀ a lukewarm life so then things got crazy when iĀ Ā
Got to college college i started making differentĀ kinds of friends they started introducing me toĀ Ā smoking partying and liquor and all that stuffĀ and like fornication and things like that evenĀ Ā with all that going on i still would try to liveĀ righteous and go to church and just be good but iĀ Ā
Still didn’t care truly about jesus and in myĀ college experience i went to two universitiesĀ Ā i started off for two years at one school and iĀ ended up two years at another school in baltimoreĀ Ā city and once i transferred to that school that’sĀ when things really got intense and that’s whereĀ Ā
The sorority life came in and just asĀ a educational piece fraternities andĀ Ā sororities are usually like college campusĀ organizations where people join them forĀ Ā various reasons organizations they haveĀ missions and visions and activitiesĀ Ā and things of that nature coming into thisĀ college campus i didn’t really have friendsĀ Ā
Because i transferred my sophomore iĀ transferred my junior year so i started offĀ Ā junior year at this university everyone’sĀ already in their friend groups they have theirĀ Ā clicks their clubs and everything and i was justĀ a loner i picked up a job so i would go to classĀ Ā
Go to work and then come home and then i think oneĀ day i was sitting in my apartment like i’m aboutĀ Ā to finish college in a year i need to do somethingĀ impactful i need to become i need to be a part ofĀ Ā
Something impactful i can’t keep doing this theĀ rest of my college life so honestly it may haveĀ Ā just been like the pride in me that was looking toĀ do something that i knew would bring me attentionĀ Ā
I knew would put my name out there i knew wouldĀ get my face out there the first thought thatĀ Ā crossed my mind was um sga which is the studentĀ government association and at the school i went toĀ Ā
If you were on sga that was it was not like a bigĀ deal like you were part of homecoming planningĀ Ā committee you were part of the groups that plannedĀ the campus parties and stuff like that so i joinedĀ Ā
Sga but i felt like it still wasn’t enough andĀ i was like i need another thing to really boostĀ Ā my collegiate career so i had a friend who i wentĀ to middle school with and she told me about thisĀ Ā
Sorority that um was having i think she called itĀ like an interest meeting she was like yeah they’reĀ Ā having an interest meeting and i’m gonna do it andĀ i think you should like join too and i was likeĀ Ā
Sure like i guess this is what i was looking forĀ so i went with her and um we went to the meetingsĀ Ā we went through some of like the pre-preliminaryĀ processing with like getting people’s numbers andĀ Ā staying in contact with certain like big sistersĀ and that’s kind of how the process started withĀ Ā
Joining and entering into the sorority butĀ even outside of that i was still livingĀ Ā just doing what i wanted to do i had more freedomĀ so and my mom gave me a car so i would driveĀ Ā
To virginia i’d drive to dc i would just drive toĀ all these places for what to like party and to youĀ Ā know just live a little reckless but it really gotĀ intense once the sorority lies started to kick inĀ Ā
Now before you move on to uh talking aĀ little bit more about that sorority lifeĀ Ā were you hearing god at all in this time asĀ you’re starting to explore more into the worldĀ Ā or was it just like your heart was completelyĀ closed off no i wasn’t hearing god at all my heartĀ Ā
Was very closed off um i was a very carnal i was aĀ very worldly girl i was very into like trends andĀ Ā things so i’ve always had this um this compassĀ inside of me like this moral compass that wouldĀ Ā
Say that’s good that’s bad like don’t do this youĀ should probably do that or stay away from thisĀ Ā but not necessarily the voice of the lordĀ where it was like discerning good and evil soĀ Ā a lot of what i did was just my own versionĀ of righteousness not necessarily the voice ofĀ Ā
God yeah so talk to us about uh uh lead us intoĀ that sorority life and and and what you begin toĀ Ā experience in that life yeah so um upon enteringĀ and this was in fall 2016 the fall yeah it wasĀ Ā
It started the process started over the summerĀ but once school started i started to hit theĀ Ā ground running with that process it was reallyĀ a lot of it was very secretive it was a lot ofĀ Ā hush hush and you’re not allowed to say thisĀ people aren’t allowed to see you past this timeĀ Ā
You have to be at this location you have to wearĀ these clothes you have to do this with all of yourĀ Ā there were pledges at the time but now theyĀ were like oh you’re sisters it was a reallyĀ Ā
Dark process but i knew that the lord wasn’tĀ in it because my drive to complete the processĀ Ā regardless of what was done to me and what iĀ experienced my drive was notoriety my drive wasĀ Ā not necessarily fame but you know that innerĀ elitism i guess is the word to be known andĀ Ā
To have the paraphernalia which is like theĀ clothing that has the letters and the colors on itĀ Ā so um the process itself was it was justĀ dark and i knew god wasn’t in it becauseĀ Ā
A lot of it was very ritualistic a lot of whatĀ i found myself doing and what they had us doĀ Ā was symbolic of occultic practices and idolĀ worship and just to shed light on just one exampleĀ Ā
There was this one night where um my sister myĀ former sisters and i we were in this room andĀ Ā we were kind of in a circle and in this circle weĀ had candles and there was like golden bowls likeĀ Ā
Doggy bowls by the way like in frontĀ of all of our faces and we were sayingĀ Ā we’re repeating a lot of like chants and umĀ it was just a lot of chanting and repeatingĀ Ā this and saying that again and one of my oldĀ line sisters at the time she jokingly saidĀ Ā
Oh my god this feels like a seance and in my headĀ i was like yeah this feels like we’re summoningĀ Ā like summoning some spirits or whatever butĀ being again veiled ignorant not saved none of usĀ Ā really cared because we just wanted to completeĀ the process to be in the organization so badly soĀ Ā
You know we shook that off but that was a commonĀ thing that would happen you know we would doĀ Ā certain rituals and practices and kneeling and i’mĀ like looking back i’m like wow how did i not seeĀ Ā
This but at the time i was just driven by prideĀ and all the earthly gain that came from it soĀ Ā after i finished the process and became a memberĀ of the organization there’s something called aĀ Ā
Probate which is the campus ceremony of the peopleĀ coming out and what they mean by coming out isĀ Ā because during the process you kind of go intoĀ hiding like people don’t see you on campus forĀ Ā a while you go straight to class you come homeĀ you’re just encouraged to be hidden and thenĀ Ā
During the probate which is like the revealingĀ that’s where you come out and during a probateĀ Ā it’s like there’s flyers that go out people getĀ really excited and then what happens is the bigĀ Ā sisters of the organization are now revealing whoĀ the new members or the little sisters or the neosĀ Ā
Are and the neo is a neophyte which is someone whoĀ is newly like a baby member of the organizationĀ Ā and um during a probate basically they’reĀ revealing who the newest members are thatĀ Ā just joined this fall or this spring whatever theĀ semester was after my probate that’s when i wasĀ Ā
Officially a member i wore i had the jacket i hadĀ the line number i had like 13 or so line sistersĀ Ā and at the time it was very celebratory it wasĀ um like oh wow congratulations and people were soĀ Ā
Happy for me and i felt it like i was like yeah iĀ just accomplished something i did something greatĀ Ā no one in my family has been a member of a greekĀ letter organization before so i knew like this wasĀ Ā
Something i wanted to wear on my back with prideĀ little did i know the fruits of this lifestyleĀ Ā started to manifest quickly my drinking increasedĀ a lot my smoking increased a lot fornicationĀ Ā increased a lot and i guess being on a collegeĀ campus too that environment is just it’s heavy inĀ Ā
That lifestyle so every time we would be like ohĀ where’s the next function where’s the next partyĀ Ā we’re going to this bar we’re going we’re going toĀ hang with these guys and it’s like for this to beĀ Ā
Christian based we’re doing a lot of non-christianĀ things and when i say christian based i mean theĀ Ā organization that i joined is considered aĀ d9 organization d9 stands for divine nineĀ Ā meaning that in in another historical piece so theĀ nation’s history with sororities and fraternitiesĀ Ā
It dates back a long way but a lot of themĀ were exclusive of um african americans soĀ Ā then along the 1900s there were nine differentĀ sororities that sororities and fraternitiesĀ Ā that kind of came together for this purpose ofĀ including african americans and they became theĀ Ā
Divine nine so the organization i joined wasĀ considered a d9 organization so the lifestyleĀ Ā that came with this organization it it just wasn’tĀ of god and i thought it was ironic because a lotĀ Ā of the d9 organizations they would they wouldĀ call themselves christian based a lot of themĀ Ā
Would say oh all of our organizations are foundedĀ on christian principles and that’s what i used toĀ Ā soothe myself with when saying yes this is of godĀ this is okay because the practice books and theĀ Ā rituals and things they would always talk aboutĀ god and they would mention something about anĀ Ā
Eternal spirit but me being ignorant i’m likeĀ okay yeah sure so jesus has to be in this soĀ Ā but to kind of fast forward the fruits of theĀ organization and the lifestyle that came from itĀ Ā there’s no way that eternalĀ spirit was the holy spirit soĀ Ā
That’s kind of the life that i lived afterĀ joining yeah now you went through a processĀ Ā uh where one the lord began to draw you in godĀ began to draw you in and begin to reveal to youĀ Ā
What was happening in these organizations yeahĀ but there was also a fighting that you had to doĀ Ā in yourself because you were so involved withĀ this life and you believed that this was okayĀ Ā can you just take us to that process of godĀ encountering you and really just beginning toĀ Ā
Lead you into into the light essentially yeah soĀ my encounter actually happened once i graduatedĀ Ā college and moved back home it was an encounterĀ where god showed started to show me things butĀ Ā it was also the ultimate encounter that also ledĀ to my salvation so it’s kind of a backtrack iĀ Ā
Graduated college in spring of 2017 andĀ then the first time i felt a convictionĀ Ā was around december of that same year i rememberĀ it was a saturday night and i was at one of myĀ Ā
Old pro fights house and there was a sleepoverĀ oh and sorry a pro fight is like one of the bigĀ Ā sisters that bring you into the organization iĀ was at her house with some of my line sisters atĀ Ā
The time and we were having a sleepover and it wasĀ very ratchet like we were drinking again smokingĀ Ā eating just being ridiculous so then thatĀ sunday i come to church and it’s the sameĀ Ā childhood church i’ve grown up in same pastorĀ i’ve had never was convicted with anything beforeĀ Ā
But this time he says in the midst of hisĀ preaching he was talking about how there’s peopleĀ Ā who don’t know god he was like and you know someĀ of you guys in here you think you know god andĀ Ā
I don’t know why but that made my heart i wasĀ like oh my god i think i’m one of those peopleĀ Ā who don’t know god and if i did know god instantlyĀ i started thinking about what i did last night atĀ Ā
The sleepover so i made the decision in my mindĀ like okay god i’m gonna be intentional to know youĀ Ā and i did it to the best of my ability stillĀ not having the holy spirit to help me i was likeĀ Ā
Okay i think getting to know god is likeĀ going to church on time so i started going toĀ Ā church on time i was like okay it made me feelĀ better but i’m like i don’t know if that’s itĀ Ā
So between the month of december 20 2017 to aboutĀ april 2018 i was doing a lot of earthly works ofĀ Ā trying to be good and trying to make sure i knewĀ god um i started watching more youtube sermonsĀ Ā
I started trying to read my bible a bit yeah iĀ started listening to more gospel music i justĀ Ā tried to do good i tried to be righteous on myĀ own strength so that kind of what now let up iĀ Ā
Guess god saw me being serious and then he wasĀ ready for what i call the big bang encounterĀ Ā and this big bang encounter was in may and inĀ may i remember um it was the lord so i have aĀ Ā
Friend she’s a friend now um at my the firstĀ school i went to she was my ra at the time whichĀ Ā is a i think a resident assistant because i livedĀ in the college dorm and she was basically the oneĀ Ā
Who made sure you know we kept the bathrooms cleanĀ we took out the trash and things so when i left myĀ Ā former university i hadn’t talked to her since soĀ then i see her on instagram this one random dayĀ Ā
In may and she’s posting a flyer about how she’sĀ gonna do an instagram live on how god took herĀ Ā out of a sorority and how god set her free fromĀ bondage and all of this stuff now i remember herĀ Ā
Probate as well i remember when she crossed intoĀ the organization and i was like happy for her iĀ Ā was excited i knew it and i just loved it so thenĀ when i saw this flyer i was so confused i’m likeĀ Ā
God delivered you you were in bondage i’m likeĀ but i’m in a sorority does i mean i’m in bondageĀ Ā but i knew something i knew god was movingĀ because the flyer made me very uncomfortableĀ Ā it made me i didn’t know what i was feelingĀ at the time was called it was a convictionĀ Ā
But my heart just kept like i felt nervous i wasĀ like whoa and i would just scroll past the flyerĀ Ā and like you know everything would go back toĀ normal but she shared this post on instagramĀ Ā
For over a week and the fly was very um it wasĀ very interesting to me because on the flyerĀ Ā it had a picture of a man’s arms like this as ifĀ it was chained and there was ropes around his armsĀ Ā
And in the flyer like the ropes were releasingĀ his arm and that image too was it kept jumping outĀ Ā to me and i’m like there’s no way i’m in bondageĀ though like this flyer is really bothering me soĀ Ā
Every day i mean it was literally mondayĀ to saturday i kept seeing the flyer and itĀ Ā it started making me angry because i’m like leaveĀ me alone but still i was like you know whateverĀ Ā i’m not gonna watch that instagram live becauseĀ maybe she just had a really bad experience so onĀ Ā
Saturday she now drops the date and time she’sĀ like i’m gonna go live on sunday at 7 00 pmĀ Ā and i’m gonna share my story so i was like okayĀ she’s gonna go live at seven i’m gonna go to sleepĀ Ā
And take a nap at seven so i’m not tempted toĀ watch this so i did that and i wake up around likeĀ Ā i woke up around like 9 00 10 p.m and i rememberĀ just being relieved because i don’t thinkĀ Ā
Instagram had the save your live feature at thatĀ time so i knew it was going to be deleted and goneĀ Ā but then i wake up and apparently they made theĀ update while i was sleeping and like oh you canĀ Ā
Now save your instagram live i was like no way iĀ get on instagram and her life is the first thingĀ Ā that i see and i’m like feeling just that pressureĀ again but even greater and i think it was theĀ Ā
First time i heard the voice of god but somethingĀ i kept calling it the voice because i didn’t knowĀ Ā it was god at the time kept telling me to watchĀ her video and i was like no i don’t want to watchĀ Ā
This video and then i felt something again tellĀ me to watch it and i’m like who am i talking toĀ Ā i didn’t know who i was talking to i was just likeĀ no i don’t want to watch it please i don’t want toĀ Ā
Watch it so then eventually after wrestling i’mĀ like okay fine i’ll watch it and i go click theĀ Ā video to watch it but like it kept freezing so iĀ told the voice i said hey i tried to watch it andĀ Ā
It’s freezing so i’m gonna go back to sleep nowĀ i did the obedient thing and then i went back toĀ Ā sleep and then around like three a.m around threeĀ a.m i felt a hand like squeeze my heart and iĀ Ā
Jumped out of my bed and i thought i lied to youĀ now i thought i was either having a heart attackĀ Ā or i thought i was dying or something i justĀ remember like laying in my bed going like thisĀ Ā
Trying to check for a pulse and i’m like myĀ heart was at this point beating out of my chestĀ Ā and the only thing i kept hearing as i was awakeĀ was go watch her video go watch her video and atĀ Ā
This point i’m talking back i’m physically talkingĀ back i’m like no no i’m not gonna watch the videoĀ Ā no you’re not gonna make me do it so i’m tossingĀ and turning and i forced myself to go back toĀ Ā
Sleep thinking that i could sleep this thing awayĀ part of me still thinking i’m crazy part of me notĀ Ā sure if this is god or some thing up there inĀ the atmosphere but whatever it was i told it noĀ Ā
And i eventually forced myself back to sleep andĀ then this was all on a sunday night breaking intoĀ Ā monday morning so then that monday morning i wakeĀ up and i thought everything was gonna be peacefulĀ Ā
I wake up and what felt like a hand at first onĀ my chest turned into an entire presence sittingĀ Ā on my bed and at this point it’s like i couldn’tĀ see anything with my physical eyes but i’m likeĀ Ā
Someone is sitting here on this bed andĀ the only thing this person kept saying wasĀ Ā so are you gonna watch her video are you gonna goĀ watch her i’m like what is in this video that’s soĀ Ā
That you whatever whoever you are you want me toĀ watch this video so bad and i i just remember umĀ Ā my heart just kept feeling heavy and was poundingĀ so hard and i’m like okay if watching this videoĀ Ā
Will make you like leave me alone and let myĀ body go back to normal i will watch this videoĀ Ā so i watch the video and lo and behold she’sĀ just telling everything about her testimonyĀ Ā
About how she joined a sorority and how it was inĀ ignorance she realized it was not of the lord howĀ Ā god had opened her eyes to the truth and a lot ofĀ the spiritual things behind like the oaths and theĀ Ā
Covenants and the history i remember in the end ofĀ the video she says if any of you watching this areĀ Ā in the sorority or fraternity and you you say youĀ love god but you are just ignorant she says theĀ Ā
Lord is going to forgive you if you just repentĀ and walk away and right when she’s about to goĀ Ā into the prayer i remember i cut off the video andĀ i cut off the video and i just i sat in my room inĀ Ā
Silence for a long time and then the voice spokeĀ again and it was like so what are you gonna doĀ Ā i was like what am i gonna do you just put allĀ this information in my face i’m in a sororityĀ Ā
Right now you’re just you basically justĀ told me this thing i’m doing is not from youĀ Ā what am i supposed to do i knew in my head i hadĀ to leave but it was just a lot going on this isĀ Ā
My first real encounter with god and god and itĀ wasn’t those like sweet testimonies or people likeĀ Ā you know jesus like swept in and took me offĀ my feet it was like jesus confronted me aboutĀ Ā
This membership thing that i’m in and i thought iĀ knew jesus all along but i didn’t so um the wholeĀ Ā day i was like my hand was like this my wholeĀ body was trembling because i’m like i just neverĀ Ā
Felt god this close this real before so umĀ immediately i texted two of my close um formerĀ Ā line sisters at the time and i said to them i saidĀ hey guys what do you think what would you say if iĀ Ā
Told you that um i was renouncing the organizationĀ and educational piece to renounce the org means toĀ Ā declare that you are no longer a member andĀ to not have anything to do with them anymoreĀ Ā
So i remember when i texted them in the groupĀ chat i said to the lord i said all right godĀ Ā this is when i started to think like i think thisĀ is probably god now so um i said god dependingĀ Ā
On their response if they’re if they’re fineĀ with it i’ll take it as a sign from you thatĀ Ā this is you and that i will leave but if they’reĀ like what no way this is not god like what are youĀ Ā
Doing i said that i’m just gonna brush this off asĀ best as i can i’m gonna stay and surprisingly theĀ Ā first one who responded she was like valerieĀ i know you’ve been on this journey with godĀ Ā
I know you’ve been trying to walk with the lord iĀ completely understand if you want to leave um likeĀ Ā i just hope that we can stay good friends i wasĀ like wow okay cool the other one she responded sheĀ Ā
Didn’t want me to leave like me and her we wereĀ good friends too but um she too was understandingĀ Ā so i took that as a sign from god like allĀ right lord i guess this is what we should doĀ Ā
The rest of that monday mind you this is all stillĀ happening on one day this is now monday morning umĀ Ā the rest of that day i was just racking my brainĀ on like still trying to fathom and understand andĀ Ā
Comprehend what’s happening i’m like am i reallyĀ leaving this organization i spent a lot of moneyĀ Ā i spent a lot of time i spent a lot of sacrificesĀ to be in this thing and one night of an encounterĀ Ā
I was just ready to walk away but i’m like iĀ need to god you have to make this make senseĀ Ā to me so i spent the day just seeking counsel iĀ wasn’t really well versed in scriptures i didn’tĀ Ā
Really have spiritual leaders like that in myĀ life to reach out to for help but this just needsĀ Ā to make sense to me lord so i reached out to umĀ one of my pro fights who was also in it and sheĀ Ā
Was also nigerian and she was also a christianĀ so i was like this is perfect because i knew ifĀ Ā anyone could help me make sense of this she wouldĀ understand but she was also in the organization soĀ Ā
Ironically i went to church to meet with herĀ she was on the choir at her church and whenĀ Ā i told her this thing i was like yeah girl thisĀ is the encounter i had this is what the lord isĀ Ā
Showing me i think god is telling me i need toĀ leave because i have not had peace since thatĀ Ā encounter i had and i need i came to you to giveĀ me counsel am i crazy am i out of my mind or likeĀ Ā
What do you have to say to me and as she beginsĀ to speak and give justification all of a suddenĀ Ā it was like i couldn’t hear her anymore and weĀ were sitting side by side i remember i looked andĀ Ā
I’m like god why can’t i hear her and then likeĀ the lord now starts speaking to my ear on thisĀ Ā side and he says don’t listen to her becauseĀ she’s been deceived too and i was just likeĀ Ā
Lord i i think i was just so i was so i don’tĀ even know the words i just remember being soĀ Ā shocked because i’m like god you followed me hereĀ you know i came here to get some counsel fromĀ Ā
This woman that helped me in the journey and youĀ followed me here you told me not to listen to herĀ Ā so at that moment i knew all i had was god i wasĀ like the lord is not allowing me to have peaceĀ Ā
From anyone’s counsel that’s telling me to stayĀ people were like valerie are you sure you’re notĀ Ā overthinking are you sure like this are you sureĀ that i’m like i only have peace in what this voiceĀ Ā
Well now god is telling me to do so um and beforeĀ you move on from there uh this voice that you wereĀ Ā hearing was it an audible voice was it somethingĀ that was just in your in inside of you that youĀ Ā
Couldn’t explain how were you hearing this voiceĀ so it was it was more so inside that i couldn’tĀ Ā explain it was so sharp internally though that itĀ could have been audible but if it was audible iĀ Ā definitely probably would like jumped out andĀ like gone crazy but it was just such a sharpĀ Ā
Voice on the inside that i knew itĀ couldn’t be me because i wanted to stayĀ Ā but like the reasoning and justification andĀ the voice of the other was telling me just noĀ Ā you cannot stay i’m calling you out i’m callingĀ you out and i’m like but why so i remember umĀ Ā
After i left meeting with um the girl at churchĀ i came home and i ran into my sister my youngerĀ Ā sister and i was telling her i said girl you won’tĀ believe what just happened to me today and thisĀ Ā
Is your actual sister yeah it is my actual myĀ blood sister so i’m telling her oh my god youĀ Ā can’t you won’t believe what just happened so i’mĀ telling her what happened and she too she wasn’tĀ Ā
Saved at the time but i learned that you have toĀ be cautious of the counsel that you get becauseĀ Ā not all counsel that makes sense is from god andĀ my sister said something to me she was like maybeĀ Ā
What you’re doing is just adopting the convictionsĀ of someone else this probably isn’t even youĀ Ā valerie you’re fine being in the organization youĀ were fine before you watched the video this isĀ Ā just someone else’s conviction and for two secondsĀ i felt peace i was like you’re so right i was likeĀ Ā
Oh my god i’m so happy i love my sister like thankĀ you so much but then it came back it was like noĀ Ā i was like wait why did why didn’t whyĀ where’s the piece where’d the piece goĀ Ā
And i knew god was saying that’s not it and that’sĀ not true so i remember um i went to my kitchen andĀ Ā i’m just like pacing back and forth i’m likeĀ you know what i’m not living like this anymoreĀ Ā
I’m gonna put an end to this today i wasĀ like you know what fine i was like i’ll leaveĀ Ā i’ll leave that’s okay i’ll go but then i startedĀ thinking in my mind i’m like what will i lose ifĀ Ā
I leave like okay god i spent all this money thisĀ and that i’m basically trying to like outweigh theĀ Ā the pros and the cons you know okay i’ll loseĀ friends i’ll lose this i’ll lose that okay butĀ Ā
What do i have to gain and i’m just going back andĀ forth with myself in the kitchen trying to thinkĀ Ā and then the holy spirit interrupts my thoughtĀ and says what do you have to lose and i startedĀ Ā
I stopped and i started thinking i’m like what doĀ i have to lose and it was like in that moment whenĀ Ā god asked me that question everything i thoughtĀ that was valuable in the organization and thatĀ Ā
Came with that lifestyle became nothing to me iĀ was like wow i have nothing to lose so all all ofĀ Ā a sudden this joy came on me because i thought outĀ what i was about to do was such a heavy and hardĀ Ā
And difficult thing but when god asked me what doĀ i have to lose everything that seemed importantĀ Ā or that seemed to hold weight just be it was justĀ vapor you know just became nothing so it made itĀ Ā
So much more easier for me to renounce so i wentĀ back to instagram and i went back to the live thatĀ Ā the girl did and i went to go watch the prayer ofĀ renunciation she said at the end and i remember iĀ Ā
Went to the my mom’s basement to say i don’t knowĀ why i went there actually but i just felt led toĀ Ā go to my mom’s basement and i said the prayer andĀ odd enough when i finished the prayer i broke downĀ Ā
Crying and i was like why am i crying so much butĀ then it started to cry as if like someone had diedĀ Ā like you ever grieved over a loved one orĀ something it’s like i’m crying and i’m cryingĀ Ā
And then what kept coming to my mind was like lordĀ i’m so sorry i remember i kept apologizing i keptĀ Ā saying god i’m sorry i’m sorry and i didn’t reallyĀ know um what i was apologizing for at the time iĀ Ā
Just knew like something in me knew what i was aĀ part of was not pleasing to god and i just keptĀ Ā saying lord i’m sorry i’m sorry so after maybe iĀ was down there for like an hour saying i’m sorryĀ Ā
Uncontrollably i got back on my feet and i feltĀ so light i felt so i felt free honestly i justĀ Ā i don’t know what took place in theĀ moment of that prayer and that crying andĀ Ā
Just the apologizing but i got up and i feltĀ free and then after that the rest of mayĀ Ā it might you again this all was inĀ one day this all happened on a mondayĀ Ā after um i finished crying i got it from my mom’sĀ basement and i just started planning how i wasĀ Ā
Gonna tell the rest of my former line sisters andĀ just whoever else was involved that yeah i’m notĀ Ā in this anymore the lord is calling me out this isĀ not where he wants me to be he’s not pleased withĀ Ā
Me in this so i’m just gonna leave that’s when theĀ lord started to open my eyes and dreams startedĀ Ā to happen and like at the time i was tellingĀ people um when they would ask me they’re likeĀ Ā
Valerie why are you leaving why are you leavingĀ i’m like i’m leaving because god is telling me toĀ Ā i really don’t have the scriptural languageĀ and the spiritual knowledge to explain allĀ Ā of this even with what the girl shared with me umĀ through her video i didn’t have like the capacityĀ Ā
To understand the language and she thinks she wasĀ using i just knew the conviction i knew the lordĀ Ā was telling me leave but it was after you know iĀ surrendered and you know did what the lord wantedĀ Ā
Me to do that’s when um i guess he saw fit toĀ start teaching me and showing me like this isĀ Ā what i was saving you from and this is what youĀ were part of so after i had renounced and toldĀ Ā
My former line sisters and all parties involvedĀ that i was leaving that’s when the the growthĀ Ā and the revelation started to just pour in likeĀ a flood so that’s kind of how that process wentĀ Ā
Yeah talk to us a little bit about that of yourĀ life after jesus right how did jesus come intoĀ Ā your life begin to impact your life it was roughĀ at first because i was also facing now backlashĀ Ā
From leaving people who were saying like ohĀ we’re sisters for life and we’ll be down foreverĀ Ā and blah blah blah because i made a decision toĀ forsake the old and go follow christ there wasĀ Ā like some people were calling my phone or likeĀ texting my phone like cussing me out and stuffĀ Ā
And i’m like all i had was jesus now i’m lookingĀ at him like jesus you you were the one that toldĀ Ā me to do this and now i’m you know experiencingĀ all this backlash i need you now more than ever toĀ Ā
Be your friend that sticks closer than a brotherĀ because i didn’t have anyone most of the friendsĀ Ā that i had came through or the connections orĀ whatever i had came through my association withĀ Ā the organization so in that moment jesus more soĀ introduced himself to me as first my deliverer butĀ Ā
Then also my friend because i didn’t have anyoneĀ else to be my friend at that time i didn’t haveĀ Ā anyone else to really explain this to and talkĀ this through with so um that’s definitely howĀ Ā
Jesus kind of started off with me and then whenĀ it now came into like the space of revelationĀ Ā and just opening my eyes to things i started toĀ dream a lot more and a lot of my dreams were umĀ Ā
Basically guys showing me the spiritual aspect ofĀ what i was doing and what was going on so i wouldĀ Ā have dreams of myself pledging and things um thereĀ would be moments not in the dream but in real lifeĀ Ā
When we were going through our pledge processĀ where we had to do this like armed gesture withĀ Ā our arms like kind of locked up like this and iĀ remember i had god had gave me a dream after umĀ Ā
I had left where in this dream i see some girlĀ who looks like me but her skin had looked likeĀ Ā she’d been set on fire all of her look likeĀ she had just been like burned in flames butĀ Ā
In the dream she’s going and holding her armsĀ like this and then on the other side there’s umĀ Ā three women who look like prophytes who againĀ are the big sisters in the organization theyĀ Ā too their skin were like set up on fire and theyĀ were burned and in this dream they were yellingĀ Ā
At the one whose arms were like this and it wasĀ representative of um kind of what would happenĀ Ā during our pledge process because in reality weĀ would you know have our arms like this and thenĀ Ā
Some there will be nights where our pro fights orĀ big sisters or whatever would be yelling at us andĀ Ā it would be chaos and craziness and confusionĀ all like in the dark so one thing god showedĀ Ā
Me through that dream was like this stuff that youĀ were doing it had spiritual implications it wasn’tĀ Ā just um you know what for fun thing that you seeĀ on tv this thing is real life in the spirit realmĀ Ā
So that was definitely one of the revelations thatĀ god showed me that it kind of calmed me down andĀ Ā made me not feel so crazy because i would thinkĀ about um just the different people who also claimĀ Ā
Christ that are in these organizations and howĀ they justify it and say it’s okay and i’m likeĀ Ā well lord then what is it about me so then whenĀ god started to show me dreams and start leading meĀ Ā
In scripture i said okay it just was a test of howĀ much do i believe in the word of the lord versusĀ Ā other people’s opinions and the opinions of manĀ so once that started to come in i felt more i feltĀ Ā
More closer to god honestly because it’s like he’sĀ sharing with me his heart he’s sharing with me hisĀ Ā mind and his opinion and when he would share theseĀ things it made sense as to why i cried so hardĀ Ā
When i said the repentance prayer because whenĀ the lord started showing me um scriptures in likeĀ Ā ezekiel and jeremiah about how israel dabbled inĀ idolatry and how they went to serve other gods andĀ Ā one thing god highlighted to me was his responseĀ you know he would tell israel you know i beforeĀ Ā
Like i formed you in your mother’s womb beforeĀ i knew you i did all these things for you i tookĀ Ā care of you i saw you laying about in blood and iĀ said live and just all these things where god didĀ Ā
For people who didn’t really care for him and wentĀ to go serve other gods but he’s like all i wantedĀ Ā was to be your only god so when i think aboutĀ um just life in this sorority that’s why i criedĀ Ā
Because i finally understood like god was sayingĀ to me like valerie i wanted to be your only god iĀ Ā didn’t want you to go find gods in organizationsĀ and sororities and fraternities i am your allĀ Ā
In all so it was in those moments through theĀ revelation of what god would show me after thatĀ Ā i just felt more closer to him i felt more likeĀ in his heart so yeah that’s kind of how that wentĀ Ā
Yeah valerie as now you begin to walk withĀ jesus how did that affect your relationshipĀ Ā with your parents i know you said that uhĀ um you guys were go to church but it wasn’tĀ Ā you kind of just knew of jesus but you didn’tĀ really know him so as they begin to seeĀ Ā
Uh you know their daughter essentially walk inĀ this different way and and now you’re obviouslyĀ Ā receiving all this revelation that may they may orĀ may not know how did that affect your relationshipĀ Ā with your parents and what did they think aboutĀ everything that was happening it helped with myĀ Ā
Relationship with my mom because having the heartĀ of christ helped me to see her as just anotherĀ Ā human being who had you know her own issues andĀ things growing up sometimes i used to have thisĀ Ā like animosity towards her and towards my dadĀ just because of you know parenting things butĀ Ā
After you know coming to christ it madeĀ me more patient with her i was moreĀ Ā understanding i tried my best to be lovingĀ regardless of her flaws and shortcomingsĀ Ā and in that god was actually really great and heĀ started to mend our relationship more so my momĀ Ā
Than with my dad my dad wasn’t really with us forĀ most of the time growing up but really with my momĀ Ā it’s like she would see the way i would behave sheĀ would ask me where are you going and every timeĀ Ā
She asked me i was either going to like churchĀ or a bible study or a worship concert and sheĀ Ā i guess she didn’t really understand why all ofĀ a sudden i was doing this but she wasn’t againstĀ Ā
It she and i really think this was the lordĀ because um she allowed me to she rarely everĀ Ā questioned me when it came to these things evenĀ when i would come home late from revival nightsĀ Ā
And stuff she would ask me every now and then likeĀ you’re not going to the club or you’re not goingĀ Ā to a party i’m like no man i’m not going to anyĀ of that so even with coming home late she neverĀ Ā
I honestly think it was just the lordĀ just breathing on our relationship becauseĀ Ā it made it so much easier from as comparedĀ to before christ like we used to fight a lotĀ Ā we used to yell at each other and i was reallyĀ dishonorable towards her even though i saidĀ Ā
Earlier i wasn’t a rebellious child which i wasn’tĀ for the most part but i didn’t honor my mom as iĀ Ā should have and the way i do now so um comingĀ across really helped my relationship with herĀ Ā
My dad on the other hand because he wasn’t asĀ present growing up he didn’t really get to seeĀ Ā a lot of me in the flesh walking again with theĀ lord but more so virtually or digitally likeĀ Ā he we’re friends on facebook we’ll talk onĀ facebook or um we’ll talk on whatsapp and thingsĀ Ā
And i’ll send him scriptures to encourage him butĀ i know he noticed a change because before whenĀ Ā i would call him i would just always yell at himĀ for his shortcomings and you did this and you wereĀ Ā
Never there and blah blah just all this stuff andĀ now it’s like now having the heart of god for himĀ Ā it’s like you know i’m praying for you iĀ understand you tried i understand you knowĀ Ā this and that but even right now withĀ him i’m believing for his salvation butĀ Ā
What god has taught me about spiritual thingsĀ i can see the hindrances and the ungodly thingsĀ Ā that’s been kind of navigating his life and howĀ he was just a victim of circumstance not reallyĀ Ā someone that had a free will but more so youĀ know the enemy doing what the enemy does soĀ Ā
Yeah valerie who is jesus to you jesus is trulyĀ my savior like the true definition of save yourĀ Ā saving me from myself saving me from the curseĀ of the law saving me from not just hell but justĀ Ā
He saves me he saved me and he continues toĀ save me like i wish i could put more wordsĀ Ā to how i feel it but jesus is truly my saviorĀ when you see a lot of things around you thatĀ Ā
Should have swallowed you up and should haveĀ taken your life it’s like whoa jesus you are myĀ Ā savior even dating back to um my namingĀ ceremony situation jesus you were myĀ Ā savior like i wasn’t i didn’t have to be namedĀ in the living room on some you know apartment butĀ Ā
You saved me and you gave me just he’s justĀ my savior so yeah for anybody that’s watchingĀ Ā your testimony valerie who are currently inĀ that battle that you were at some point ofĀ Ā they were in a sorority and now some things areĀ starting to shift if they feel there’s convictionĀ Ā
What can you say to um to those people watching ifĀ there’s one thing i could say i would encourage iĀ Ā would encourage them to follow the voice of truthĀ um the there’s many voices that try that tried toĀ Ā
Counsel me this way tried to counsel me that wayĀ even me of myself but it was the voice of truthĀ Ā the holy spirit that led me in the direction thatĀ i should that i was supposed to go and he gaveĀ Ā
Me peace about it so not to worry about you knowĀ what you’re going to lose or what are people goingĀ Ā to say or you know what family line you come fromĀ like oh your mom was one your dad was one and allĀ Ā
These people but just following the holy spiritĀ who guides us into all truth and also gives usĀ Ā peace for our obedience so that’s what i’ll leaveĀ them with now valerie for people who know peopleĀ Ā who are in a sorority and maybe those friendsĀ don’t know about the darkness behind this lifeĀ Ā
To those friends who are worried for their friendsĀ and who are watching your testimony right nowĀ Ā what can you what is the word of encouragement orĀ word of advice that you can give to those friendsĀ Ā
I would tell them to pray prayer works prayerĀ works prayer works um little did i know it wasĀ Ā actually someone praying for me that led to thatĀ whole encounter i didn’t know until after butĀ Ā i would encourage them to pray for god to openĀ their eyes pray just become the intercessor onĀ Ā
Their behalf and um the lord will answer theĀ lord will honor those prayers and you’ll startĀ Ā to see a shift in your friend’s heart aboutĀ you know their membership in that organizationĀ Ā yeah any last words last thing i just want toĀ mention is the things of this earth are veryĀ Ā
Temporary nothing all the glory that’s on thisĀ earth that is promised to us and the beauty ofĀ Ā things it’s very vain and it’s very temporaryĀ the only things that matter are the things ofĀ Ā the kingdom of heaven which are eternal so that’sĀ where all of our efforts should be put towards you
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